FireKill(er): Like... Totally Evil

Feast your eyes on this!

2009-08-20T05:02:00.003+01:00

It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to be myself! I’ve been undercover for the past 8ish months months, doing my own sort of community service.

You see, I was hit by a bit of malevolent community spirit after posting my past post. I started thinking about how evil-deprived my childhood was and I decided that I wasn’t going to let that happen to another innocent, devil-eyed child! So, I went undercover. A print out of the child’s list was never far from me and I managed to get a couple done. Unfortunately, by a total freak occurrence, one of them didn’t go to plan and it looked like I had nothing to do with it. But since I was undercover, I couldn’t risk breaking cover even for a second.

To whittle away the time (because being undercover can get boring as hell) I decided to sketch out a few designs for a logo. Once I got back to the lair, I fired up the MX3V1L Supercomputer and scanned in the sketches. Not long afterwards, these two designs popped out. It even churned out a gray version for some odd reason.

So, what do you think? Should the I adopt this logo as the official logo for my top secret lair? If so, which one? Do you like the name with the big logo, or the name with little logos over the i’s?

Keep me posted on your evil doings!

Evil 5th Grader

2008-12-01T19:21:00.002+00:00

It seems that there's still evil brewing in the minds of young kids today. I hope my future children are at least this ingenious. If this were my childhood plan though, I'd make a few changes.

Picture source: http://www.foundmagazine.com/comments/3786

I bet you thought I was going to tell you my childhood plans, didn't you? Well, for all you know, they're still my plans and so it would be foolish telling you them.

Out of the loop?

2008-11-10T21:05:00.003+00:00

I'm being overcome by the feeling that I'm a bit out of the loop. As well as my own blog, there are a couple other supervillain blogs that I know about (those being Mistress DeathBlade and Secret Underground Lair). Now, of those two blogs, both of them seem to be in some sort of evil group whether it be active or passive in nature.

Personally, I had no idea that these kinds of groups even existed. That may be because I'm only new or because of the area I live in (after all, I only met Mistress DeathBlade when I went a few miles out of my area).

So, my evil lads and ladies, are there more of you than I thought or am I getting the wrong end of the somewhat evil stick?

Monetizing Tweets?

2008-11-02T23:30:00.006+00:00

I came across a website today that will allow me to monetize my Twitter updates by inserting an advert once every 5 or so tweets. The ads will be related to what I tweet (or as best as the algorithm can do), so you wouldn't be getting ads advertising baby products or the like unless that's what I've tweeted about.

Now, I would like your feedback on this, my loyal readers. If you can do me a favour and vote in the poll below, it'd be a huge help.

Six menacing towers fit for a supervilain

2008-10-08T22:20:00.005+01:00

While we're on the subject of secret lairs, I just found a great blog post featuring six menacing towers fit for a supervillain. When I become your lord and master, I'm going to have to look into the state of these towers after my worldwide 'hostile takeover'. If they're not too badly damaged, I'm going to have to use at least one of these as my base of operations. My favourite by far is definitely the Taipei 101 tower in (you guessed it) Taipei, Taiwan.

I mean, come on, it just screams "Evil HQ". Plus, I'm a big fan of red and any dark colour, so it's a great tower for me. Also, is it just me or does it look an awful lot like Wang's tower in the Xbox 360 game, Crackdown? Which, by the way is a really great game.

A little side note: I've come to realise that I can't really do this whole evil thing alone. I need to step up my evil activities which in turn will give me evil stories to impress the ladies and which in turn will leave me with a lovely lady to make obscenely evil babies with. Otherwise, how else am I going to keep my empire going for as long as possible?
Maybe I'll be lucky and the ladies will come to me. I sincerely doubt it though. After all, I only get somewhere between 2 and 5 hits a day on the blog.

Secret nuclear bunker not really that secret

2008-10-08T19:12:00.002+01:00

I may have found a new location for my secret lair and it has all the features I need. It's large, spacious, heavily armoured enough to withstand a nuclear strike, deep underground and perfect for a lair. The only problem is, it's not really that secret.

Evil Plan (TM)

2008-10-05T23:13:00.004+01:00

Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Evil - It's my nature

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first clone a military general. This will cause the world to leave, terrified by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a supervillain costume with gimmicks?

Stage Two

Next, you must seize control of the internet. This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of classic thugs hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must reveal to the world your armies of destruction, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with evil, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to give you control of the planet.

Created with the Evil Plan Generator.

I've been sabotaged!

2008-09-18T19:19:00.004+01:00

I think this might be the end for me. Early yesterday evening I started to feel incredibly ill, with it carrying on to today. I haven't felt this bad in a long time so I have my suspicions on how it started.
While walking around the area yesterday I could have sworn I saw a caped figure following me around every now and then.

Now, this could mean one of two things;

I have a rival, in which case I need to get back to being healthy as soon as possible.

Or...
I actually am ill and I was hallucinating.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pass out.

Mercenaries 2: Venezuela Supervillain Training

2008-09-18T17:15:00.006+01:00

Image by csullens via FlickrI recently added the Xbox 360 game Mercenaries 2 to my gaming collection. And while I think I might need to hire an exterminator as a result of all the bugs and glitches in the game, I came to realise that it could actually work as a pretty decent simulation of how to invade a small section of Venezuela.

Of course, it's somewhat lacking in the super-villain department as you're only able to play as either a British, American or Swedish mercenary. That said, you are able to buy new weapon drops such as artillery strikes, bunker busters, etc. Which would come in handy when I eventually end up taking on Venezuela.
All the game needs is a secret underground lair and some death rays and it'll be the perfect super-villain training programme for invading Venezuela.

Speaking of taking on Venezuela, I need to figure out which order I should take on the major countries when I finally get around to taking over the world. The USA would definitely be first though, they tend to get involved in almost every war there is so if I'll have to fight them eventually I might as well take them on first.

Haiku Monday

2008-09-15T21:43:00.005+01:00

While I'm thinking up some new plans, I thought I'd have a go at writing some evil haikus. Never tried it before but the minute I let things conquer me is the minute I stop conquering the world.

That sounded better in my head.

Looking so evil,
Thinking up evil ideas,
Can't get more evil.

Being evil is,
Quite awesome but sometimes so,
So very lonely

Weapon plans swirling,
Around my large, pulsing brain,
Great one coming up

Feel free to submit some other evil-themes haikus in the comments. Yours might even be better than mine. *cough*Asifthat'spossible*cough*

Some additions to my top 10 world take over list

2008-09-11T22:10:00.005+01:00

Some honourable mentions to add to my top 10 world take over list thanks to Nigel Cooke (supplier of the SETI image).

An over the top evil name. I've mostly got this down but any evil villain, super or not, needs an over the top evil name. How else are you going to make someone underestimate you so you can then easily crush them like a bug?
An evil catchphrase. You're not an evil villain if you don't have an evil catch phrase. Personally I am still working on mine, but when I get one you'll all fear the very mention (however slight) of it.

If you think you can add to this list or feel you can better Nigel's suggestions, feel free to suggest more possible additions in the comments and I may add them to my next list. I'm certain I'll make another one when the need arises.

Top 10 list of things I need to take over the world

2008-09-10T19:14:00.007+01:00

I've decided to compile a list of things I will need to take over the world. Some things are actual objects I can use, others are things that I can use to compile or design those objects.

At least one SETI satellite dish. As the saying goes, if the going gets tough, invite some aliens along to the party.

By Nigel Cooke
A deep, underground lair. Deep enough to escape any nuclear fallout and formidable enough that I cannot be harmed by an outside force.

By Andy C
Spore. Yes, you read that right, I need a PC game. Where else can I design my evil creations (creatures, buildings and vehicles) before I manufacture/bioengineer them?

By Jim Stanger
~~Woopra.~~ ~~How else am I going to follow your every move about my blog (and eventually across my international FireKill(er) internets)?~~

By daysies
Suitably evil but cool-looking costume, possibly with a cape. Every self-respecting super-villain has his own costume with which to intimidate his/her foes.

By Mirka23
A nemesis, preferably of the superhero variety. Everyone needs a nemesis. Whether you're young or old, a guy or a girl, you'll achieve more with a nemesis.

By Puck90
Minions. Lots and lots of minions! No one can hope to conquer the world (through any means) without minions. They come in all shapes, sizes, persuasions, genders and colours.

By Matthew Field
A laser beam weapon of some sort. Nothing beats the destructive power coupled with the inherent coolness factor of a laser beam weapon. Whether you're shining someone in the eye or pulling the moon to Earth, you look cool.

By Jeff Sherman
An evil girlfriend. I know this may seem severely unimportant but an evil counterpart at your side while you're striking down the masses is a great thing to have. Whether it be for moral support or simply for someone to show off your evilness to.

By News Fedora
Sharks with frickin' laser beams! Come on, I had to. No, I really did. It's rule #1 in the super-villain guidebook.

By Mike B

Once I have all these things, you will all tremble in fear! Like, totally...

Woopra Guys Saw Sense

2008-09-09T19:14:00.004+01:00

About a week ago I applied to have this blog's stats tracked by Woopra's real time analytics and I've finally been approved!

It seems that the team over at Woopra saw sense and didn't want to die a horrible, but somehow ironic death. I hear it sometimes takes months for websites to be approved so it appears that I instilled fear into their hearts.

I can now track your very movements about my website in real time, mwahahaha! I can even chat with you if I wanted to while you browsed this blog.

Note to self: Include the name Woopra in my possible evil names (my list of possible names for weapons, plans, days of the week, etc.).

P.S. I'm not sure why someone like me would need to apply like all the lesser beings out there but it's one of those things (like the extinction of everyone that knows my identity) that have to be done.

Suffering Ending? Ha!

2008-09-08T21:06:00.003+01:00

This just came through the door of my secret lair (more secret than lair). Those religious types have no idea how wrong they are...
Mwahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

Update: Gyro Cube

2008-09-04T19:34:00.004+01:00

Right, first things first, my material hunt (and then implementation) didn't go too well.

It turns out that multi-dimensional metal doesn't exist. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME!
Despite the non-existence of the base component, I decided to press on and hopefully make it work. Of course I had to use regular sheet metal and install a door but this was design flaw easily solved by putting trails of marzipan throughout the surrounding area and having them all lead back to the open door. The way I thought about it was, if someone as clearly evil as me likes marzipan, all you non-evil people should love it. I love the way my mind works sometimes.

Another problem I came up against was the suction method. I originally came up with using a small black hole but I soon realised that it would suck in my box, then me and soon afterwards, the world. Now, I may be evil but I'm not about to destroy the world I want to control. Not like SOME super-villains I know. You know who you are.
So I originally came up with the totally awesome and cost effective idea of using around 15+ vacuum cleaners and link up the nozzles to a main nozzle to create fifteen times the normal amount of suction. Unfortunately, for this I needed fifteen power sockets and I could only find one.

So, unfortunately, my first weapon plan didn't go too well. But as you all know basement cat didn't create evil in just one day, so have patience.

Note to self: Build a lair and install 15 or more power sockets.

Weapon Plan: Gyro Cube

2008-09-02T20:46:00.007+01:00

Right, so. I've got this totally evil and awesome idea for a new weapon to help me on my way to becoming a totally evil super-villain. So, there I was, sitting on the toilet and I get this idea for a weapon. It'll be about the size of a small van and will have the power to suck in and crush everything imaginable. Of course there'll be a bit of time between it sucking things in and when it crushes them. So while it builds up the power, the multi-dimensional metal (haven't worked out where I can get that yet) will stop letting matter through its structure and trap everything inside.
Also, it'll play a bit of elevator music to calm people down. Then just before they're crushed, the music will stop. Leaving them in a state of confusion before they die. Mwahahahahaha!

I haven't really locked down everything I'll need but here's a small list I've put together.

Multi-dimensional metal (around 15 metres)
Power source to power all the components
An empty lot to house my structure (might use a free space in a car park)

That's all I've really been able to figure out yet but never fear, I'm going out tomorrow to try and find out what else I need and find where I can get the materials I already know about.
I think I'm gonna make it spin or something.

For a little insight into my thought processes, here's a small section of my plans.

Totally Twitterly

2008-09-01T23:29:00.005+01:00

Just registered on this new fangled site called Twitter. This could totally help me spread my evil message across the known world.

You can find my Twitter badge on the sidebar on the right, but if you're lazy just click this link and become some of my first followers. Also, by clicking that link, you've also submitted your name to be put onto the slave list to work on the Tetrahedral structures that I will demand be built in my new world order. You lazy people need to be put to work!

Note to self: When I own the world, kill the Twitter team last.

Evil? Totally...

2008-09-01T18:45:00.002+01:00

Congratulations, you've found the blog of the totally evil (almost) super-villain, FireKill(er). I sort of haven't decided on whether I want the 'er' there or not but it's not like people will be telling me to choose when I'm kidnapping their family or something.

You're most likely here because you found my calling card at the scene of a crime. The police don't seem to have realised yet but that means that I was responsible.
I mean, how many kittens do I need to kidnap before I get noticed around here? Maybe I need to step up my game a bit.

Come to think of it, I really do need to start doing more evil things. I'm running out of things to boast about at parties. As an (almost) super-villain, I can't meet girls at work so I have to rely on parties that my minions throw. I say minions, they're not really my minions, more like friends. But they'll be my minions soon, whether they know it yet or not!
But as I was saying, it's really getting tedious having to tell the same stories over and over again and passing them off as recent events. I'm even starting to have to resort to using my stories from my 'villain in training' days. And, well, it's not exactly easy to make a chocolate bar thief seem cool and glamorous.

By the way, in case you were wondering (or you're a complete idiot), the image up top is my calling card. Of course, if you're reading this in a feed reader, chances are you won't be able to see it so just click through to the blog itself.