Up close and personal changes perspectives.

The school used to own a Rainbow vacuum cleaner. In terms of effectiveness, it was a great vacuum cleaner. It seemed indestructible, was multi-purposed, and was said to be super hypoallergenic. The filtration system bubbled up through a water reservoir. Essentially, this captured both dirt and airborne particles. It wouldn’t send dirty, particle-filled air out. Rather a barely perceptible, clean and fine mist seemed to hydrate your skin during use.

Here is the rub. The reservoir of water was filled fresh from the faucet at the beginning of each cleaning session and then emptied at the end. Parents and staff, experienced in an up close, personal, and very unpleasant way, what is on the floors of our school. I learned to look at glitter differently, at foot traffic patterns, at paper scraps, twigs, feathers, grass, mud, gravel, etc. How does all that collect in just two short hours?!?

Dirty water. Rainwater. Storm water. Basement. Gutters. Roof. Stairwells. Silt. Plastic. Paper. Watershed. Science.

Sometimes up close and personal reveals perspectives. From vacuum cleaner water to rain water.

I will often say that learning concepts are “pervasive.” What does this actually mean? At our school it means that important developmental learning takes place all the time and in every space. We create the opportunities for it to happen and also recognize it when it occurs spontaneously.

The parents of multiple boards of directors, volunteers on buildings and grounds committees, and staff have all been involved in efforts to better control the uncontrollable–flowing water. The boards, especially, have all been respectful of volunteer time. Leaking basement and roof equal more volunteer time. Big steps taken last year have included a new roof and just last week, new gutters for the school. Over the course of the years I have gotten so up close and personal with our rain water that on one hand, enough already, but on the other, it opened up a world of possibilities and has corresponded perfectly with how I spent my summer vacation. Our family summers begin with day trips to the National Arboretum and the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens. And there the Anacostia sits, or maybe I should say silts.

Looking at the Anacostia and our creeks, all I could visualize was the Rainbow vacuum’s muddy, trash-filled reservoir. We did this, we made that happen. Our watershed collects and flowing water pushes the trash to the banks. Working with the basement floods this summer, there it is again. Then there was a brainstorming session with Maria Navaratne, founder of the ell play school in Manitou Springs, Colorado. Here is the condensed version of our conversation. Me: “Accreditation. Science center, blah. Are you kidding me. The whole world is a science center.” Her: “I know, blah.”

So, here is simply another way to make science pervasive, in an enriching and meaningful way with positive impact on future generations. We start at the center. Our school’s rainwater. Below are photos of our silt flow book-ended by photos of the waters of the Northwest Branch and the Anacostia. Kit Gage, a stormwater and gardening consultant and FOSC member (Friends of Sligo Creek), visited with me and we explored possibilities. She donated two rain barrels to our cause, instructed me on rain barrel use, told me who to call first, second, and third and where to look for information and possible funding for our ideas.

We know that truly meaningful learning experiences are more effective if they are real. In many early childhood sites, we find science “centers.” This idea is worthwhile in some cases, but in my estimation, is a kind of altar to dead things removed and displayed far from natural habitats. We are asked by accreditation guidelines to install a living thing in our “science center.”  Isn’t that even more out of context? We go outside to see living things in their natural habitats, our outdoor space and time is an integral part of the program. Our imaginary play, Becky’s music, Contradiction Dance’s movement are all filled with science concepts, and much of our art is centered in science. Science is pervasive. But wait maybe there’s more, I propose that we make our families and our children part of the process of addressing our role in protecting our watershed as we enrich our science curriculum.

Please consider this kindergarten marker from the State of Maryland’s voluntary curriculum (VSC). We use the VSC to check our practice. In this case, without a corresponding marker for ages 2-5, we still have it covered!

Materials and Processes That Shape A Planet; Investigate objects and materials in the environment

Observe and describe a variety of natural and human-made objects found in familiar environments (school, neighborhood, etc.)

Examine and describe Earth materials. Rocks, Soil, Water

Using examples from the immediate environment, describe that objects and materials on Earth’s surface can change over time; Changes in soil and rocks, such as wearing away, being moved, etc.; Changes in trees, such as leaves changing color, branches falling, trees being blown down by the wind, etc.; Changes in landforms, such as hills wearing away, etc.

Is there a rain garden in our future? A conservation garden? Do we make sure the Rock Garden features native plants and embraces water conservation and prevents storm water run-off? How will an energy audit conserve energy? Can we dream of a permeable parking lot surface?

Dream big, coyote, dream big. That is how we radiate out. See you soon, Lesley Romanoff

We forget sometimes, that children (even very young children) are thinking beings, actively working out for themselves a sense of themselves and whether they are “good enough” as they are. Children going through testing and therapy or other support services struggle to figure out what this experience means to them.  I once talked with a little boy who had recently begun speech therapy for help improving his pronunciation of certain sounds.  His speech was understandable, but speech therapy was recommended to help him learn how to make new sounds so that, for instance, he could say “lego” instead of “wego.”

No one knew that this little boy felt secretly ashamed about going to speech therapy, not because he mispronounced r’s and l’s, but because he believed that going to speech therapy meant that “something was wrong with him,” and his parents “didn’t like the way he talked.” When he revealed his secret to me, he burst into tears.  But his admission opened up the opportunity for us to have a very useful conversation and work out a more positive understanding about what speech therapy meant to him and his parents.

It is so easy for any child to reach the same kind of conclusion that this little boy did—that the focus on testing and therapy or other special services are because the child isn’t good enough in some way.  Anyone, young or older, is likely to less confident and even ashamed when they believe that there is something wrong with them.

This is why I believe so fervently that kids with any kind of special challenge need extra opportunities to grow their courage bigger.  Even the disability or difference itself can become an incentive to overcome obstacles.  Every now and then, we hear stories of individuals who accomplish amazing feats to prove to themselves and others that their disabilities do not determine their limits.

So, maybe a child with a learning difference won’t eventually earn a Ph.D. and find the cure to cancer—but maybe they will.  Who knows?  Let’s give every child, whatever their gifts or challenges, the benefit of believing in them that they can take whatever gifts and challenges they have, and make the most of them.

This is a love letter for what could be and also what is…”our” watershed, the Anacostia Watershed. We live in a series of connected cities and towns, i.e. urban sprawl, radiating out from Washington, D.C. The sprawl (buildings, roads, side walks, etc.) stops in long slices of greenery and adventure along the tributaries feeding the Anacostia. The Northwest Branch, Sligo Creek, and Long Branch are all in the neighborhood and run/tumble to the Anacostia River. The Anacostia itself is a grand tidal river and the view of it through the interlaced branches of dogwoods at the National Arboretum is one that cannot easily be forgotten. Other views of the River include smoke stacks, concrete walls, and parts squeezed between highways and bridges roaring with commuter traffic.

Each of these waterways holds obvious and sad evidence of human habitation: tires, cans, not to mention profound chemical imbalance. Once I even saw two guys washing a truck parked in the middle of Sligo Creek. On the other hand, these treasures of nature have become much improved and are improving every day through the care and attention of individuals and organizations (see below).

Anacostia translates to “village trading center” from the Nacotchtank Indian word, anaquash.  I imagine it as the center of our natural world. One of my favorite blogs, let the children play, shows a photo of young children wading barefoot into a stream in Australia. If only. Our Sligo Creek is so filled with shenanigans, children and pets should simply keep out unless they are looking forward to a Silkwood shower.

So how do we reclaim our village center? Of course we can support the organizations listed below through hard work or donations. We can become active and loving caretakers of our watershed. We can make the human “presence” different from discarded tires and carryout containers.

We can start from square one.

The Association for Childhood Education International has just published The Earth Is Our Home:  Children Caring for the Environment.

If we are to create a brighter future, the world’s children must understand their role in safeguarding and improving an environment that is being increasingly desecrated by global greed. Teachers have the potential to create future generations of responsible citizens.

Our future begins by introducing children to our watershed. This is reshaping the way I think that introduction should play out. With young children, experiential learning is key and in this case and at this time, this does not necessarily mean experiencing just the water and the environment around the water in a casual, walk-through kind of way. Through onsite visits, we experience the proximity of human habitation. We see the beauty that is so obviously present at every turn, but we also can focus on the damage inflicted.

Cavalier splashing in the water washes away the very real negative impact humans have had on the waterways. Quite the opposite, prohibiting splashing may actually have greater impact. Children NEED water. If they are taught that the creek is “sick” and cannot be played in, that might truly “land” and build a profound appreciation resulting in future action. We can place value on plants by allowing these to hold on in natural surroundings rather than picking flowers, gathering leaves, collecting acorns, and dragging them back for artificial displays in classrooms. The National Parks out west take great care in alerting visitors to a small but critical life force–the soil crust–underfoot. Walk around, step gently, leave no marks!

Seeing how waterfowl nest amid floating plastic bags and bottles would change how a child views waste management. A sort and match activity of found plastics to ones we find in our own homes reinforces recycling. Finding feral dog tracks in the mud and evidence of a recent kill along the marsh points out the real impact abandoned pets have on native species. Small activities that really only scratch the surface, but send big messages.

In the meantime, I want to revisit my favorite parts of the watershed and give the creeks, banks, marshes, and river some much-needed love. I encourage you to do the same. Then we will work together to find a way to create future caretakers.

Watershed Organizations:

Anacostia Watershed Restoration Partnership

Anacostia Watershed Society

Friends of Sligo Creek

Maryland Department of Natural Resources

Places to Visit:

To find the trails which follow the Paint Branch, Sligo Creek, and with some searching parts of Long Branch, visit Montgomery Parks. You can pick up more of the Paint Branch on Prince George’s County Department of Parks and Recreation.

To see the Anacostia from the up close to the scenic views, visit the National Arboretum, the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens and back to Prince George’s County for a collection of river views and activities.

Here is the story…a group of young children gathered for lunch. I had one ear trained on the conversation, because I could tell that this social group was “in process.” They had met for the first time the day before and were trying to make sense out of the schedule, each other, and this new activity—eating lunch together! It did not take long before Something came up.

One girl cozying up to the little girl next to her, yet looking directly across the table at another, said, “Mosquitoes don’t like brown skin.”

Who said teachers have time off during summer?

I asked the group of teachers what they would have said.  We weeded through reactions first, “Why would she say such a thing?” “Did her parents teach her that?” That faded quickly once they established the ages of the children involved. The children were 4 and 5 and had just come inside from play and it is mosquito season. The little girl who made that incorrect assumption about mosquitoes was trying to find her place in what she perceived as a pecking order. The girl she most definitely directed it to did indeed have brown skin (with mosquito bites, no less). In addition, to her lovely skin, she had a confident and completely self-assured manner. Though she was new to the group, she had instantly become a presence, a leader.

It’s not like our 4-year old could say, “I feel really inadequate in your presence and no longer know who I am or what I have to offer.” All she could think about was the immediate, the physical—they all had mosquito bites, and the differences—and she could only grapple with the 4-year old perception of the obvious.

The teachers then got right to the business at hand…they went to what they know, their training, their experience, research. They applied this to conversation starters and conflict resolution tips. There was a wealth of ideas and the teachers were comfortable in offering solutions, lesson plans, and resources.

They all knew that the comment presented an opportunity for learning for ALL the children. Sure, young children make statements like this and they may have indeed heard/seen such ideas modeled by parents or others. The teachers knew it’s what happens after kids make these comments that may make the difference.

Adults may establish or create negative patterns, but this from The Miller Early Childhood Initiative of a World of Difference Institute, shows we can also stop it. “Based on social learning theory, it follows that adults surrounding young children can help prevent the development of prejudice.” We model it out. We talk it out.

No worries, by the way and back to the story, we did not let the comment pass. Although this little one will need lots of help, we hope that she has learned that there is a better way to say, “I want to understand what makes you, you and me, me” rather than making assumptions and in the end, alienating herself from others.

We also hope she has taken another step on her journey to understand the power of words. Words can be used to gain understanding and to keep doors to human relationships and ideas open. And words can also hurt. They hurt the speaker and the spoken to.

It seems that words about skin were easily addressed. Lots of lessons and books and resources are available. Things get complicated when the words are about gender and family. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of resources and research about family and gender. It seems the comfort and ease in resolving these may be harder for some teachers.

A few years ago, I asked a different group of teachers what they would say to a little boy who arrived at school dressed in a tutu. A few teachers responded with how they would of course welcome him in and would celebrate his choice, i.e. model the language that would prevent prejudice. I could see that others were struggling with finding responses. What would they say? One asked me if I would “let a boy come into the classroom dressed in a tutu?”

Oh, yes. Yes, I would. Just as I would also “let” a little girl dress in a “business” suit. Framed that way, there were not any arguments. Teachers were comfortable with the idea of a girl wearing stereotypical “boy clothes” but not the other way around.

Another question from this group of teachers was, “Why do kids at your school say things like that and dress that way? They don’t at my school” My answer: these very real feelings and questions are made EVIDENT. I open the exploration up on a daily basis. Vivian Gussin Paley teaches us that we start the conversations, we shape the words that ask the questions, we show acceptance and welcome our differences. If questions remain unasked and ideas unspoken, misconceptions multiply and bias is allowed to fester.

Here is another real-life story from my classroom about family and gender. A little girl knew that one of her classmates had two mothers, but she “understood” it by designating one as a “dad” and the other as a “mom.” These seemingly harmless descriptors were hurtful—the mom she was referring to did not want to lose her gender, she was proud of her momhood and her womanhood. Thankfully, both voiced these thoughts out loud so that we could resolve it—we needed to revisit the topic: FAMILY and also: GENDER. And we did revisit, revisit, revisit.

This is an excerpt from an email informing the class parents about our discussion.

What a great week! This week in emerging curriculum ˜family and gender”

The coolest thing about this discussion at our school is that so many of the children are SUPER informed about gender and family, these are topics A/B in many of our family households and it makes the discussions SOOO much livelier, no research required, parents have already done the legwork. These fab kids are the ringers in any conversation about family and gender, always bringing something great to the table. So here we go…

On Wednesday we NEEDED to talk about gender. This was another opportunity for formally introducing the subject to the whole class and it was a pretty high level discussion, ˜hair, clothes, basic info (hair does not reveal gender, clothes do not reveal gender, etc.). S. and C. were right there with “I have short hair” and “My mama has short hair”. We also talked about how in a two mommy family, both parents are women and in a two daddy family, both parents are men and in a mommy/daddy family one parent is a man and one is a woman. The book we are reading has a mare in it, so another connection in the gender discussion, mare/stallion, rooster/hen, etc.

On Thursday I wanted to have another formal group discussion, but the kids weren’t having it, not intentionally, we just couldn’t make the topic gel. K. walked into circle with his swim goggles on as part of his phone booth transformation into Batman and, really, how do you top that for an entrance? We had to talk about super heroes. It was that important.

So on Friday, we started again and this one was a keeper. Here are the highlights. I started by telling the kids that we have no daddy/daddy families at the school right now. I was inspired to tell the following story because of a conversation I had with C. about daddy/daddy families–the kid certainly knows his biology. I told them that S. (my 9th grader) and I were talking about the lack o’daddy/daddy situation at our school.

My son told me not to worry, that his friend’s older brother is gay and when he marries his boyfriend and they have kids, they would bring their kids to our school. After all, S. told me, all the players in his story went to the Cooperative School, so of course they would come back (as an aside, I don’t want to wait that long, that kid is only a senior, it could be YEARS before he gets married and has kids). I ended by reviewing the discussion from Wednesday.

After I finished, A.G. said, “oi, you will need a book about that” Spoken like a true school librarian’s daughter.

I posed the question, “what makes a family?” The kids know, know, KNOW this one, yet it never hurts to revisit it. The only thing I had to add was that you could also have a family without kids. We took a show of hands for how many sitting in circle had two mothers, a mother/father, and maybe no parents. We moved to sibling combinations and no sibling combinations. Becky, our music teacher, came in and told us that the kids would be studying families of instruments! Hooray for Becky!

Then we switched gears to gender and we certainly moved past hair!

This is a topic we will revisit often and I encourage you to do this at home. By revisiting it, we keep the conversation open and lively. That will give us the ability to address misconceptions along the way.

In early childhood we open our classroom for conversation and idea-sharing and welcome and acknowledge the power of words. This is the one way to move towards positive change.

Today, we are fortunate as parents and professionals to have much more information about how to help children who are developing more slowly than their peers.  Children (and their parents) are less often blamed and shamed for their disabilities and differences. Naturally, parents are still worried if their child is diagnosed with a developmental delay or difference, but a diagnosis can also make it possible to identify what kind of help or services their child may need along the way to become more successful.  If children need accommodations in school or special services compensated through health insurance, a diagnosis code is absolutely essential.

But the new information and understanding that a diagnosis gives can also have a downside.  A diagnosis, after all, is still a label that identifies a deficit, rather than a difference.

What concerns me is when I notice how easily a diagnosis can become a self-limiting burden, or even an identity of disability.  For instance, I have often heard a child casually tell me, “You know I’m ADHD, right?” Or they will describe themselves to me as “I’m Aspergers” or “I’m Dyslexic.”

From my perspective, every child and every person is facing their own particular challenges in life.  Some of those challenges may be obvious and lend themselves to a diagnosis, such as a speech impediment or weak physical coordination.  Other challenges are more invisible, such as wondering if the other kids like you or the feeling of never being as good as your older sister.  Regardless of what kind of a challenge a child is facing, they will handle it better when they also have the opportunity to develop their courage and confidence.

I recognize that any parent raising a child with special needs is already doing a tremendous amount of work, and I’m not trying to add to your burden.  What I’d like to offer, though, are some suggestions about how to think about your child as a whole person, one who may have some extra-challenges, but a child who can also be encouraged to :

• Remind yourself that your child is a person, not a diagnosis.  Be as careful and precise as you can with your language, saying “Mary has some extra-challenges with sensory issues,” rather than using the short-hand “Mary is a “Sensory Integration kid.”  Keep your picture of who your child is and where she fits into your family to include other descriptions as well: “She has a wicked sense of humor!” and “She’s always the first to notice when the dog’s water bowl is empty.”

• Any child with a diagnosis isn’t really all that different from other children in my view.  In the big picture, every child needs to learn how to be a part of the family, and how to get along with other kids.  Every child needs to learn how to handle frustration or disappointment without melting down, and how to make mistakes and then try again.  Every child has to figure out how to grow up and get along in the world.  Some children take longer to learn these things than others, but every child can learn these eventually.

• It has been my experience that children with all types of disabilities are acutely aware of the burden they place on their parents.  Therefore, children with all types of special needs need even more opportunities to develop their abilities and to be able to contribute in a meaningful way as a valuable member of the family and member of the classroom.    A child in a wheel-chair can put the napkins on the table and a child with Aspergers can learn how to cook French Toast for the family on Saturday morning.  Given the opportunity, every child “blooms” when they are given the training, encouragement, and opportunities not just to overcome their challenges, but also to contribute to others.

We all need friends but it doesn’t happen automatically.  It takes time, effort and understanding to learn how to be a friend.  As our children grow developmentally, they move from solitary play to parallel play to associative play to cooperative play.  This means that the idea of friendship, negotiating the rules of play, and resolving conflicts become an important part of life at home and at school, beginning with very young children.

Taking a toy out of your hand is how I ask for a turn.

To begin fostering friendships we start with the personal and physical environment.  Modeling respectful ways of treating others:  voice tone, quality and choice of words – children watch, listen and learn to take turns, ask for help, show appreciation and empathy.  A “conversational” tone of a voice is a sign of respect. Creating space for small groups of children to play – both the physical placement of chairs at a table and the small groups that form with each individual co-oper can foster friendships.  Young children often find it easier to make friends in pairs or small groups.  Please note if someone is sitting on the outside looking in – encourage him to join the group or ask a child in the group to invite him in.

When I knock over your block tower I am trying to get your attention.

In conjunction with environment we address feelings.  As the adult, it is our job to help children identify her/his feelings and those of others.  When teaching conflict resolution it is important to share our observations and help with a solution…

“You seem frustrated that the blocks keep falling down and I can see that you are angry with Suzy for knocking over your tower. You can tell Suzy that you do not like having your blocks knocked over. Maybe Suzy would like to help you build a new tower.”

Pushing you may be my way of asking if I can play with you.

Respecting individual personalities.  Every child is different in her/his approach to the world.  Some run full speed ahead, others take their time, and some children take a long time or need a gentle hand.  Recognizing these differences and a child’s comfort level in social situations is key to developing successful friendships.  We want to encourage and foster friendships, not force them.

Pouring sand on your head is my way of saying “Hi”.

What is Friendship? Begin with a few simple rules: be kind, be gentle, and be helpful.  Discussions about friendship can teach a child what to say and do to join a group, ask for a turn, or tell someone else that their actions are upsetting them.  Reading books about sharing, compromising and listening will open the door for more conversations about how to be a good friend.

Friendships can be life long and are precious – let’s take the time and effort to teach our children how to be a good friend.

Adapted from Teaching Young Children Vol.2 No 3

Melanie shares, “Getting to a diagnosis was really secondary to getting our son the help he needed. Don’t get me wrong; it helped in very practical and immediate ways to access services through insurance and the county. But according to all my research on developmental delays, it is indisputable that, diagnosis or not, early intervention is key.”

In the article, What Kids Don’t Get To Do Anymore and Why by John A. Sutterly, considers the implications of keeping our children inside and pre-planned. The article is the finalist for the Annual Theme 2009 issue of Childhood Education.

Certainly, in some parts of the country and other parts of the world, neighborhood child-led, open-ended play as documented in the “golden age of childhood, 1950 to 1975” still exists. On the other hand, it is common for children in urban and especially suburban settings to be scheduled, watched, and guided by adults rather then left to their own pursuits.

Sutterly traces and connects parent anxiety and shifting social norms that have been strengthened through heightened awareness from information sharing (media, consumer alerts, etc.) and how these have impacted and affected parent perceptions and in turn children’s play opportunities. Results include obesity to a disconnect with the natural world, not only in terms of nature, but specifically in terms of geography—simply knowing how to navigate and get around in the neighborhood—gaining first hand experiences with shortcuts, long-way-‘rounds, and how neighborhoods and cities are designed and houses and buildings are constructed. Another consequence is also experiential—testing the waters of planning and organizing, trying/failing, and what I see as cultivating team effort and leadership skills independent of adult intervention.

These ideas are all ones I consider when creating a time and a place for social-dramatic play. It is, what it is–after all. Once acknowledged, I am sure we can creatively think of ways around it. Our Cooperative School designates a space, The Imagination Station, and a time, 30 to 45-minutes windows, for children to pursue “neighborhood play.” This is social-dramatic play time, not time to put on a show. We view this as a very important time to explore ideas, situations, and to problem-solve. Initially, the adults “play” the older siblings or neighbor-children, but eventually they must remove themselves all together. The children practice planning out scenarios and roles, some simple, some more complex.

Yes, this is scheduled and quite purposeful, but it is designed as practice for “taking it to the streets.” In our case, the play spills out later in the playground, and it is our hope that the kids who attend The Cooperative School will take it to their next destinations—elementary schools and their own neighborhoods.

Tonight, play kick the can or olley, olley, oxen free, catch some lightning bugs and tomorrow, get lost in your neighborhood, miss lunch, come home and eat all you can hold. And then go back outside.

The usual advice is to “talk to your child” about the experience.  And certainly, it is never kind or helpful to leave children in the dark, trying to figure out all by themselves what is going on.

But, I happen to think the advice to just “talk to your child” is woefully limited.  For one thing, when parents ready themselves to “have the talk” with their child, they tend to focus on what is the most important part of the experience for themselves—and miss learning what the child is thinking about or wondering about.

For instance, it may be very important to you that your child’s grandparent who is dying from cancer is not suffering, and is not in pain.  In your mind, that may well seem like the most important message for you to tell your child, “Pop-pop is very sick honey, but don’t worry, he has medicine to make him feel okay.”  Or perhaps you are very worried about whether your friendly neighbor, who was in a bad car accident, will survive.  And so you offer your child the reassurance, “Don’t worry, Mary Jane is in the hospital where all the nice nurses and doctors are helping her get better.”

What the parent focuses on though, may not be the same thing as what the child is worried or wondering about.  Children, for instance, are such concrete thinkers, they often focus on very different issues than adults.

Three, four, and five year olds will often seem to face the injury, illness or death of others with an astonishing equanimity.  This is because young children simply cannot grasp the abstract concept of alive/not alive or here/not here in the same way that adults do.    Young children also do not have an adult-like capacity to feel great concern or compassion for others.  All of these understandings and emotions can and will develop, but it takes time for children to grow up and to develop grownup feelings.

In the meantime, though, you can support your child by giving them many, many opportunities to ask the questions they need to ask, as they figure out in their own way what is happening:

• “Honey, remember when I told you last night Pop-Pop is really sick–he is so sick that even the Dr.’s don’t know what can make him better?  I’m wondering if you have any questions you want to ask me about that…”
  • “Yeah…if Pop-Pop can get so sick, will I get sick like that too?”

You can also help your child by giving them appropriate information when they ask their questions:

• “How come Pop-Pop doesn’t want to play with me?  Doesn’t he like me anymore?”
  • “Pop-Pop always loves you in his heart, but his body isn’t strong enough for him to get out of bed and play with you now.”

And, I know this can be hard, but it isn’t unusual for a young child to be curious and want to know more about the most basic elements of injury, illness, or death.  Questions like these don’t mean that a child is emotionally callous.  Instead, they show that young children have a practical interest in how every part of life and death proceed.

• “How does MaryJane go to bed with that big thing on her leg?”
• “Why does Pop-Pop pee into a plastic bag?”
• “What happens to someone’s body when they are dead?  What happens to their feet?  Their fingers?  Their eyes?”

If you are going to be making your first visit to see someone in a hospital or nursing home, or even if you are going to be taking your child to their first funeral, you might help prepare them by first taking them for a short walk around at a nearby hospital, nursing home, or funeral home.  A practice walk through lets your child smell the smells, see the different sights, ask the curious questions, and get an idea of what to expect when the time comes to make the real visit.  It also may give you the opportunity to be responsive to your child’s curiosity, worries, or concerns, without the full emotional weight of your own experience.

Finally, remember to trust that your child has what it takes to weather this difficult family experience.  Injuries, illness, and death are difficult, but also normal parts of life. Your child has the capacity to experience all kinds of difficult experiences, and to come through just fine, when they have your loving support and attention to their questions and concerns.

Why 18? Well, there were 18 students in the class—there would be a seat for everyone.

At the time, I was still a “new” teacher. I was enrolled in graduate school in the evening, learning theory and practice, and at the same time, sharing with other graduate students who taught during the day. A common refrain when the subject of individualized classroom accommodations came up and the focus was about using equipment like fidgets, specialized seating, writing supports, oral supports, foot rests, etc. was “everyone will want one” and “they will argue”.

Here is an entry from About.com containing solid advice about how to help your child “sit still”. Please note the key requirement of “a really innovative teacher” negated by “if the teacher won’t…”

5. Therapy Ball

This may only be a possibility if your child’s in a self-contained class with a really innovative teacher, but the kind of big inflated therapy ball used in occupational therapy makes a great desk chair for a fidgety kid. She’ll have to constantly adjust her body to stay balanced, and that focuses attention and eliminates big uncontrolled movements. If the teacher won’t go for it at school, try it for homework time.

As a parent myself, I can see the benefit of having SOMETHING to help with HOMEWORK! A cone of silence, a vacation in a galaxy far, far away. Anything. As a teacher, it really makes sense that if a kid NEEDS help accomplishing schoolwork let’s give it to her! It makes everyone’s day better.

So here is the happy ending. After the 18 homemade t-seats arrived in the classroom, and were introduced, 18 children tried them and the number of children who “wanted” them whittled down immediately to a handful of children who “needed” them. I can assure every teacher in this galaxy and beyond that the only worry I have now is where to store the bulk of the unused t-seats—I never use more than a handful during group activities. Children gravitate to what they need and the children who do not NEED these materials simply do not use them.

Now we have all kinds of adaptive materials in the classroom and though I do admit that I could use more of some of them, I have exactly what most of the children need. It may also help put this in perspective to let you know we do not have closets at our school. These materials are always accessible because they are OUT. The key to success, in fact, is to make the materials constantly accessible. We open a discussion about the materials, we help children negotiate sharing in advance, we hold “petting zoo”-type of events to try materials out, and then encourage use liberally.

I was thrilled to be in the 2s class a few weeks ago when a little boy came around the corner wearing noise-softening headphones. He paused, looked at me, and said, “I need a t-seat today for circle and so does __________ .”

A time, a space, a place, as well as supports for everyone.

Resources for materials:

I find slant seats, large rubber bands, and large balls at Marshall’s—they are packaged and sold as Pilates and Yoga materials.

Pocket Full of Therapy — a parent-friendly online store

Homemade “stress” balls by Deanna Iris Sava, MS, OTR/L

And for more information about occupational therapy, visit The American Occupational Therapy Association, Inc. and about sensory processing and supports that ALL children need, The Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation