Someone who had tried in the past, but had easily gotten bored, discouraged or too busy.  Someone who didn’t consider herself a Bible scholar. Someone who wondered how anyone could possibly read that huge intimating book, including all the chapters about genealogy, lineage, temple building and sacrifices. Someone who could hardly make it halfway through the first few chapters of the Bible, much less 66 books.

But the time came when I was fed up with my own excuses, frustrated at my lack of overall knowledge of God’s truths, and sometimes embarrassed when someone asked me the answer to a spiritual question that I felt I should know. So I began to pray for God to help me get to know Him in a new and deeper way, and learn how to apply His promises and instruction to my every day life.

Then my church began a new small group class whose purpose was to read the Bible in one year, by using the NLT Chronological Bible. With hesitation and anticipation, I jumped right in. Then I prayed again – for the willingness to persevere, the ability to understand and for a passionate desire to dig into God’s Word every day.

365 days later, I had completed my goal – and I was ready to do it all over again. You see, for the first time, I had a glimpse of the bigger picture of God’s story. Not just popular bible verses, childhood stories, or important biblical characters – but the story of God.  I now want to open God’s Word each day with excitement, instead of obligation because I have realized the importance of getting a daily portion of God.

My pastor once said that when we open God’s Word, we should say “OH MY! I AM ABOUT TO MEET WITH GOD!” I loved that!  He also gave the example that if we saw an email in our inbox that was delivered from God, we would eagerly open it with great excitement. We would not wait, put it on the back burner, allow it to sit there idly, or procrastinate about it. We would open it immediately!

In essence, the Bible is really an email from God, quietly sitting there, waiting for us to open it every day. An email chocked full of vital, life giving information that we desperately need.

The key to getting a daily portion of God, resulting in spiritual growth and deeper Bible study, is choosing to open up that ‘email’ – and discover the truths and promises within.

During my time reading the  Chronological Bible, I learned to keep a daily journal of answers to a few simple questions. These questions helped me stay focused on the reading and deliberate apply it to my daily life.  Now this journal that I kept during those 365 days is now a priceless treasure to me. It not only holds deep truths of God that I would have never known, but also precious memories of my daily encounters with God, and each whisper that He spoke to my spirit.

If you are ready to toss out your excuses and pick up some great summer reading that will impact your entire faith walk, then you might want to consider purchasing a chronological Bible, or find a daily Bible reading plan to use with your own bible, and just get started! It’s never too late to start meeting with God!

Below are five questions to consider using in your daily reading to help you learn to dig deep and experience God through His Word:

1. Is there a promise to believe in the passage you are reading?
2. Is there a sin to avoid?
3. Is there something about God to learn?
4. Is there a timeless principle to apply?
5. How should I pray in regards to this scripture?

It is so easy to read a passage of scripture, and check it off our to-do list without really trying to apply it to our lives or asking God to make the Words come alive. Yet,  when we delve into the meaning of the readings by answering these thought provoking questions, the windows of our heart are opened so that God’s voice can be heard loud and clear.

Psalm 119:97-104 says:

Oh, how I love your instructions! I think about them all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are my constant guide. Yes, I have more insight than my teachers, for I am always thinking of your laws. I am even wiser than my elders, for I have kept your commandments. I have refused to walk on any evil path, so that I may remain obedient to your word.  I haven’t turned away from your regulations, for you have taught me well.  How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life.

We are to treasure God’s Word, and deem it sweeter than honey to our lips, and through a daily portion, He will use His Words to shape our faith, heart, mind and life. Only then can we truly experience the reality of God in our life, and maybe for the very first time.

When you deepen your study of God’s Word and let it sink into your heart, you will also deepen your relationship with God, making every minute of study well worth the time.

Saturday night my 16 year old daughter went to her junior prom. What a fun day of prepping and pampering that was!  And I know I’m a little biased, but Kaitlyn looked B-E-A-U-tiful!  But more importantly, she is B-E-A-U-tiful inside too.  She thanked us more than once for making her day so special and for all the time we spent together planning and preparing.

After waving goodbye as the busload full of prom-going friends pulled out of the parking lot, my husband and I had plans to take my thirteen year old son to a birthday party he had been invited to. On the way there, we were talking with Michael about the party and who was going to be there,  and the subject of girls came up.  More precisely, the subject of one particular girl who my son has taken a liking to.

I reminded my son about being a gentleman, treating girls like ladies, and always being kind. Then the conversation turned to texting girls, and I reminded him to never say anything to a girl in a text that he wouldn’t say to her face, and to never say anything inappropriate. Simply put – if he would be embarrassed for his parents, or the girl’s parents, to read the words of a text, then that text should never be sent.

As expected, I heard him let out a little heavy sigh followed by “I know, mom”.  But the next statement that left his lips were completely unexepected, yet filled my heart with joy. He followed up his eye rolling “I know, mom” with a smile, then said  ….. ” I’ve been raised by you and dad, and that’s not a bad thing.”  

I was a little stunned.  A tear of joy threatened to push forth. My son had just admitted that he was thankful to have been raised by my husband and I. He was thankful that we had taught him to have manners, to treat women with respect and kindness, and to act like a gentleman.  He was thankful that we based our parenting (although far be it from perfect) on God’s Word.

It was such a short little comment – but it was the best mother’s day gift I could have ever hoped to receive.

Sunday morning my oldest daughter Morgan gave me the sweetest card, full of sweet words and appreciation, along with a special gift.

All of my children made me special feel yesterday in a variety of ways,  but I was vividly reminded this weekend that sometimes words of gratitude and appreciation are more priceless than anything else.

Every mom, young or old, needs to know that they are appreciated and loved, and those words will mean more than any store bought gift. They are life giving words that offer encouragement and love, reminding us why we pour everything we have into the hearts and lives of our children.

Mother’s Day might be officially behind us, but every day can be mother’s day if we make it so.  Let’s commit to remembering the power of gratitude, and continually shower our moms and important women in our lives, with words of love and appreciation.

Even a small passing comment of gratitude can lift a mother’s spirits to great heights. In fact, it might turn out to be a mother’s answered prayer.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

In what way did someone make you feel special on Mother’s Day?

I have even been suckered into buying products from infomercials. I know… live and learn. However, some of the products I actually do like and enjoy, while others were returned faster than you can say ‘uncle’.

What I’ve finally learned is that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is………… except when it comes to what God promises.

God never advertises more than He can deliver, and He never backs out on a promise. Just as I talked about in today’s Proverbs 31 devotion, God is a serious God and serious about keeping His promises.

But if that’s the case, why does it sometimes seem that God is not answering prayers or keeping His promises to us in certain areas of our life? Unfortunately, when such doubts creep into our hearts and minds, we might inadvertently adopt this untrusting attitude that we have towards things of this world, like false advertising ploys, and apply it to God’s Word as well.

The truth is, God IS too good to be true, especially considering we don’t deserve His love and forgiveness, but He IS true nonetheless. He is not out to deceive us or trick us, or try to get us to believe in things that are impossible or unlikely. When He makes a promise, He intends on keeping it.

When He says we can have a deep, intimate relationship with Him even though He is the King of all Kings and in control of the universe, it is true.

When He says we can have joy and peace in the midst of chaos and busyness, it is true.

When He says He has a unique plan and purpose for our lives, it is true.

When He says we can have eternal life if we accept Him as our Savior, it is true.

But if we fail to believe His promises, then we will miss the benefits and blessing of claiming and redeeming these promises in our lives.

John 5:24 says “It’s urgent that you listen carefully to this: Anyone here who believes what I am saying right now and aligns himself with the Father, who has in fact put me in charge, has at this very moment the real, lasting life and is no longer condemned to be an outsider. This person has taken a giant step from the world of the dead to the world of the living.” (MSG)

You see, if we want to really live, and enjoy the best that God has to offer, we have to first believe that what He says is true, and what He promises is accurate.

His promises are for us, and they are only based on our acceptance of Him as the One True Savior. The only trustworthy One to make a promise. And He has proven that He is trustworthy in every sense of the word.

A few years ago I was involved in a bible study where one of the activities was to write out a timeline of major events or turning points in our lives (good and bad).  After completing that, we were instructed to then think about how God came through, or how He worked in that circumstance, which we could now see with clarity in hindsight.

This activity was a spiritual eye opener for me, as I realized that all those times when I thought God had abandoned me or forgotten me, instead He was actually walking right beside me guiding my steps. All those times when I thought I was making mistakes that defined my self worth or robbed me of value,  God was orchestrating a plan to use those exact experiences to glorify Him.  All those times when I was hurting, God had intervened in supernatural ways, but I couldn’t see the whole picture until I took time to look back.

What this exercise did was serve as a reminder that although I didn’t see God at work at the time, He was powerfully and divinely working behind the scenes throughout my lifetime. Always keeping His promises that are scattered throughout scripture.

After that exercise, I chose to claim certain promises from His Word as my own, and as a result of doing that, my faith grew over time.  My attitude changed from one of fear to one of trust. And I developed a sense of spiritual anticipation, always hoping to see how God was keeping His promises in new situations or trials, rather than always assuming that He wasn’t.

If you’ve been suckered by the world into believing that God can’t be trusted, I want to challenge you to claim His promises over your life today.

As promised in today’s devotion, I am giving away a free Promise Keeping Workbook to download and complete in your own time. I pray that God uses this simple document to help give you spiritual clarity about the past and the future, to strengthen your faith, and draw you closer to Him.

Lord,  thank you for always keeping Your promises;  for being trustworthy. I ask for forgiveness for doubts that chip away at my faith. Surround me with your love, and reassure me of Your promises in ways that only You could do.  Help me walk by faith and not by sight from this day forward. In Jesus name, Amen.

Download the free 10 page PROMISE KEEPING WORKBOOK which provides personal opportunities to proclaim God’ promises over the situations in your life and to create your own personal time line.

This past weekend as I was waiting to board a plane to fly to Washington Dulles airport for a women’s retreat, I felt a little twinge of anxiety for the first time in forever.

I looked around attentively at the other passengers waiting at the gate, wondering if any of them posed a safety threat. I knew it was silly, but I still found myself trying to read their faces; looking at their carry on back packs and bags and speculating if anything dangerous might have slipped through security. Then I became fixed on a man talking on the phone in a foreign accent and wearing a gold shirt with the words SOLDIER across his back in big black letters.

My mind could have quickly drifted to a thousand “what-ifs”, but God gently whispered to my spirit and reminded me of His promise in Psalm 46. It was a Psalm that I was going to be speaking about over the weekend, and as I allowed those promises to sink into my heart, it was as if suddenly I could breathe again. I paused to remember that He was with me, and there was no need to fear.

You see, the horrific events of the past few weeks been so heavy on my heart as tragic stories and heartbreaking pictures saturated the news. The Boston Marathon bombing, the massive floods in the mid-West, the plant explosion in Texas, the Ricin political letters, the earthquakes and tragedies overseas. When we see senseless tragedies taking place and innocent people slain and injured, one can’t help but harbor a bit of fear deep inside their heart.  We wonder what’s happening to our world, why are people so evil, and how can we ever feel safe?

The promises tucked into Psalm 46 (NLT) are a perfect place to focus when we begin to feel fearful about the future and the unknown in any aspect of life. It is an awesome passage to remind us that no matter what, God is with us.

Psalm 46: 1-4 says  “God is our refuge and strength,always ready to help in times of trouble.So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!” Interlude

In this section of the passage we are reminded God is our Protector. He is where we find strength to get through tough times when we are afraid. When the earth crumbles from earthquakes or bombs, floods abound, avalanches roar – He is our refuge. A safe place to flee. A place to pause and breathe in His strength.

Psalm 46:5-7 says “A river brings joy to the city of our God,the sacred home of the Most High. God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it. The nations are in chaos,and their kingdoms crumble! God’s voice thunders,and the earth melts! The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” Interlude

 In this section, we see that God’s Presence is always with us through “a river”.  It’s interesting to note that there was no river in Jerusalem – so the river mentioned here was God Himself. You see, Egypt had the Nile River and Rome had the Tiber River, but Jerusalem had the River of God – a river flowing from the throne of God Himself. Even when nations are at odds, God’s Presence was with His people, and that was all they really needed. Revelation 22:1 also speaks to this, “Then the angel showed me a river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.”

The River of God will flow into our hearts every day if we allow it to. We can pause and breathe knowing His Presence is with us.

Psalm 46:8-11 says “Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:  See how he brings destruction upon the world. He causes wars to end throughout the earth. He breaks the bow and snaps the spear; he burns the shields with fire. Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;the God of Israel is our fortress.”  Interlude

Although the world is in chaos, God is still God. He is still on the throne. Still a place of refuge. Still mighty. Still faithful. He is still on the throne in the same Almighty Position as always.  If we believe that, we do need not fear.  When we believe that God is still God, our hearts can be still and rest in His sovereignty. We can trust in situations where we are fearful. We can pause and breathe.

And Psalm 46  tells us to do exactly that.  You see, in all three sections in this passage, each one ends with the word Interlude. The definition of “interlude” is to pause or break. A few synonyms for “interlude” are breathing space, delay, halt, hiatus, intermission, and rest.

This passage reminds us that God is our Protector, so we can pause and breathe.  His Presence is with us, so we can pause and breathe. He is in a Position of authority over this world, and we can pause and breathe. We need not fear, because He is still here, and as a result, our hearts can be still and know that He is God.

Maybe fear has been knocking at your heart lately, and just maybe, you need to pause and breathe today, allowing Him to settle the anxiousness in your heart. Pause and remember that God is your Protector, His Presence is with you, and He is in the highest Position of authority. Then, just breathe.

When I was a little girl, she was my hero.

I looked up to her in all that she did.  She was a wonderful mom, full of life and love.

I oohed and ahhed over the amazing masterpieces she could paint with her hands, and I still do.  I wondered if I would ever possess such a God-given talent, like she had. I was proud of all she had accomplished which not only brought joy to others as they hung her paintings in their homes, but also helped provide for our family.

As a child, I knew that divorce was hard on me, but I had no idea how hard it was on her. But despite it all, she remained positive, kind and selfless.  She would give me, my sister and my brother the shirt off her back if it meant meeting our needs, and until I became a mother myself, I couldn’t comprehend the sacrifices she made on our behalf.

Even during a battle against breast cancer which was valiantly fought and won, she never wavered in her desire to do for others, rather than herself.

I always hoped I could be as beautiful as her one day. With her dark brown hair, olive skin, big brown eyes, trendy fashion style and vivacious personality. But it wasn’t until I got older that I realized that it was her inner beauty that I really admired, more so than her outward beauty.

You see, as a child, we think moms are just supposed to provide for us, meet our needs, take care of us, love us and discipline us if needed. But the truth is – moms don’t have to do that at all. Having a child might make one a ‘mother’…. but true selflessness is what makes one a real mom.

I know my mom gave up a lot for my siblings and I when we were young.  As a single mom, she would so often do without, so that we could have what we needed, or wanted.  And even to this day, her sweet spirit of selflessness continues. She never ceases to think of others before herself.

We often think that as we get older, we won’t need our moms as much, but the opposite turns out to be true.  In fact, I think my siblings and I need my mom more now than we did when we were young, although our neediness has taken on new meaning.  As for me, I need her to be my friend, my confidant, and my support – and she has always been my biggest cheerleader. She still buys special gifts for me for no reason at all, instead of buying for herself, simply because her spirit of selflessness overrides her own needs and wants. She will drop any plans if someone asks her for help, whether it’s her children, her grandchildren, family members or friends. If any of us need something – physically or emotionally – we know she is willing to give whatever she can.

In fact, at times her compulsion to help others causes problems in her own life as she constantly puts her own needs on the back burner, but it’s like she can’t help herself. Because her spirit of selflessness overrides her own needs. She will give and give even when she has nothing left to give because her mind is so programmed to always care about the interests of others that it’s hard for her to ever put herself first.

In Philippians 2:3-4, Paul is expressing to the Philippians the importance of putting the needs of others before their own. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. “

This verse is my  precious mother’s legacy. There has never been a day when she didn’t put other people’s needs before her own.

The Proverbs 31 Ministries legacy campaign that is currently going on has inspired me to consider what woman in my life I most admired. What woman I most wanted to be like.  What woman I secretly envied for her innate ability to be an example of Christ to everyone she meets even if her gifts of selflessness go unappreciated or unackowledged. She gives, expecting nothing in return, just like our Jesus. So the first person that came to mind without any hesitation was my mom, Barbara. I know so many amazing and wonderful Godly women, but in my opinion, my sweet mother takes the cake.

If we could all wake up tomorrow morning with the attitude of selflessness and service to others that she exhibits without even trying, I promise that this world would be a much better place.

If you ask me, there is no better legacy than one of selflessness – a legacy of putting others before ourselves. A legacy of always looking to the interest of others, even if that means sacrifices for ourselves.  A legacy of a true Christ-like attitude of love and selflessness at all times.

With respect to the legacy campaign that Proverbs 31 is soon wrapping up,  I want to thank my mom today, for being the kind of mom and woman that I can only hope to become and for living a legacy that will never be forgotten. Now that I’m a grown women, married with three kids of my own – she is still my hero.

Who has impacted your faith? Perhaps a friend, sister, your mother or grandmother, a mentor or pastor’s wife? Honor her with a $20 donation to Proverbs 31 Ministries today. We’ll send her a beautiful Legacy card and list her name on the front page of our website in May! And through your donation in honor of her faith, you’ll help us reach and strengthen the faith of millions of women around the world each day. Click here to find out more.

 (Note: If you are receiving this post in email, you may need to visit my blog to see the posts and photos correctly formatted)

It’s hard to imagine shifting my focus to anything else besides all the buzz about the Stressed Less bible study, but I am so thrilled to share the news that I recently secured a new publishing contract with Bethany Publishing for my newest book project called Your Life Still Counts: Turning Our Past Into Our Purpose,  scheduled to release May 2014.

As much as I poured my heart into Stressed-Less Living, the completion of this new book is going to take an extra dose of God-inspired writing. This book is deeply personal and exposes some past experiences that God has called me to share, in the hopes of helping other women see how God can turn our biggest messes, into our most powerful messages. The goal of the book is to inspire women to not surrender to their past, but instead surrender their past to God and allow Him to use it to impact His kingdom.

You see, I have learned that our past not only equips us for divine purpose, but that when we allow God to use it for something good, we can experience freedom and healing like never before. I now know without a shadow of a doubt that what the devil meant for evil and harm, God can use for great, divinely-ordained purposes.

My prayer with this new book is to touch the hearts of women so deeply with the truths of God’s healing and purpose that they too will embrace the promise found in Roman 8:28 that God has a plan and a purpose for each of our lives - and not despite our past, but because of it.

God does not ever want us to waste our pain. He knows that every experience of life is what equips us for a purpose that is ours, and ours alone.

Lysa Terkeurst has often said that nobody really cares about hearing about our Jesus, until they see the reality of Jesus in our life. If Jesus is a reality in your life, and evident through the purposes that you are fulfilling right now, will you pray about sharing your story? From the smallest of experiences, to the most painful of adversities, God always has a plan to use our victories to help others find victory – if we are willing to be used.

TODAY I AM EXTENDING A SPECIAL INVITATION FOR INVOLVEMENT WITH MY NEW BOOK!

I want to invite you to share your God-story with the intention of being a part of helping women find freedom from their past and purpose for their future.

My prayer is that women from all over the world will feel called to share how God has used painful or difficult experiences of their past to equip them for a purpose in life that they never imagined. A purpose that helps others find God, healing and meaning in life.

Maybe you are living out a purpose that you never wanted or even imagined, but over time, you have learned to cherish what God has done in your life and treasure seeing the fruits of God’s goodness working through you to impact the hearts of others.

If God has used a painful experience of your past or a difficult struggle to glorify Him in some way, would you be interested in sharing your God-story? Do you have a powerful testimony of how God used a difficult circumstance or hardship in your life to strengthen your faith and give you a whole new sense of purpose? Have you discovered how God can release us from shame and regret and fill us with peace and purpose instead?

Are you using what the devil meant for evil, for good and holy purposes instead?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I implore you to pray about your involvement with my new book project, Your Life Still Counts. You see, your story could be the exact motivation one specific woman might need to step outside of her prison of shame, regret or discouragement, into the light of God’s freedom, and realize that they are loved and adored by a Holy God who has a great plan for their life.

We are all made for a purpose, and our past has equipped us for a purpose that we could have never chosen on our own.

If you are interested in sharing your story as a possible submission to be included in Your Life Still Counts, please send an email to pastintopurposestory@gmail.com.

Upon receipt of your email request expressing your interest, you will receive a link to download a document with writing guidelines and tips, and submission and deadline information. Sending this email request does not obligate you in any way. Once you receive the information, you can decide whether or  not you wish to proceed and then follow the instructions within the document for submitting your story for consideration.

I pray God is whispering to your heart right now, and if He is calling you to share your story, I pray holy confidence and purpose will permeate your spirit like never before.

God is up to something so exciting. I hope you’ll be a part of it.

So if you are signed up, then yay!  But if you have been procrastinating, then do it today so you don’t miss a single day’s teaching by Melissa and our incredible Online Bible Studies teaching team. You have nothing to lose, but real peace to gain.

In addition to the information the team will be sharing on Melissa’s blog every week, there are lots of great ways to get involved deeper into the study and strengthen your walk with Christ as you strive to live a life with less stress. So below are all the links you can check out to see how you might want to take advantage of the awesome support that our OBS team has for you during this study.

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Sign up for the free Stressed-Less Living Online Bible Study:  www.melissataylor.org

Head over and meet the entire OBS teaching team.

Optional Conference Call Series - This is one of Melissa’s most popular options in every Online Bible Study. This is where you can connect in a different way, over the phone or via download on your computer. These are 5 Dynamic Calls with real life messages and inspiring guests and all calls are recorded so if you can’t make the call live, you can listen at a convenient time and even download it to your computer or other device. Learn all about our conference call series for Stressed-Less Living by clicking here.  We have a great line up of conference call guest speakers for this study, and I will a guest on the last conference call in late June. 

Facebook

- Facebook users can stay connected with OBS here! Our Facebook page offers support and encouragement as you go through the study, plus so much more! Like OBS on Facebook today!

- Like the Stressed-Less Living Facebook page for weekly encouraging quotes, bible verses, tips and stress information.

Facebook small groups – If you want to go deeper, we have Facebook OBS small groups where you can connect with other sisters in Christ on a more personal level about the current topic and book. Unfortunately, our SLL OBS Facebook groups are now full, but you can still get on the waiting list by sending a friend request to Lisa Kramp, our super awesome small group coordinator.  She also offers encouragement, support and information on her Facebook page that is visible to everyone, even if you’re not in a group.

Twitter~ Twitter users,  follow OBS on Twitter!  The OBS tweets offer real hope for real life in 140 characters or less!

Pinterest~ Follow OBS on Pinterest!   And follow Proverbs 31 OBS on Pinterest.  We would love for you to share our pins on your social media pages.

Blog Hop -  The blog hop takes place at the MelissaTaylor/OBS blog each Thursday. All ladies with a blog are invited to participate. All ladies without a blog are invited to start one!. To start a blog, visit WordPress.com. Then click on the orange tab that says “Get Started.”  Fill in the information and click the link for a free blog.  If you have any questions, let us know. We love reading your blogs!  Blog Hop information will be posted each Sunday of the study. The Blog Hop will take place each Thursday of the study.

FREE 50 page study Stressed Less Living study guide with purchase of an autographed book through Proverbs 31 is still going on.  Click HERE to purchase your book through Proverbs 31, then send a copy of your email receipt to p31study@stressedlessliving.com to receive access to download your free study guide. This offer ends April 20th.

Visit Melissa’s blog to see her 5 minute video about the upcoming study. 

Click HERE to watch a one minute video explaining everything you will need for the OBS study.

You can also sign up on my blog for my free 10 Day Stress Detox for an extra dose of encouragement.

And for more information about the book and free stress management tips and devotions,  visit the StressedLessLiving.com website!

I was so encouraged to hear from the hearts of so many women who had tried the challenges, and saw success. So moved by the women who experienced a personal revelation as God opened their eyes to something within themselves that they had been overlooking which had been a hindrance to their marital relationship. And although I felt heartbreak for all the women who felt hopeless and deep discouragement about their marriage, I also could read between the lines and see a tiny little glimpse of how God might be sparking a new hope in their heart.  True transparency and honesty is what builds a true sisterhood in Christ, and what an honor it has been to see you all forming that sisterhood through your comments and support of each other.

Every marriage is different, yet in some ways, every marriage is the same. We all have hopes, dreams and desires – and we all have times when none of those are met. In some cases, the heartache is worse is others, and in some cases, the joy is more than others. But in every case – God is at work in the hearts of His daughters around the world, and He cares deeply about every marriage covenant.

I pray you will tuck these challenges away and allow them to spur you on towards the happy and fulfilling marriage that God wants for you. I also pray you will seek out additional resources, books, websites, CD’s, or marriage weekend getaways which will continue to nourish not only your marriage, but also your heart.

A special thanks to everyone who left encouraging comments to me and about this challenge, and how God has used it your life. Each sweet word spoken was a blessing and an encouragement.

Let us all be encouraged by the fact that God has been up to something big, and great, and He always follows through with what He starts!

In case anyone missed any of the marriage challenges due to the technical difficulties that were occurring with my site and subscriber list, below are the links to each of the challenges.

14 Days to a Better Marriage Challenge

Marriage Challenge Kickoff: PREPARE

Day 1: PRAY

Day 2: PROMOTE

Day 3: PERSPECTIVE

Day 4: PROVIDE

Day 5: PROTECT

Day 6: PLAY

Day 7: PURSUE

Day 8: PARDON

Day 9: PRACTICE

Day 10: PERSEVERE

Day 11: PEACE

Day 12: PLANT

Day 13: PARTNER

Day 14: PARADIGM SHIFT

In many cases, the circumstances or factors involved in a difficult situation in our life are not going to change, but what can change, is how we look at those situations – our attitudes towards them – and how our attitude is shaping and possibly maintaining a situation.

When it comes to marriage, one of the main things that keeps us discouraged is the feeling that nothing is ever going to change. Relationship challenges and problems always seem to remain the same, with no hope of change in sight. We know we can’t change the past, and we may not believe that the future holds changes either. We don’t believe that our man will ever change in ways we feel are necessary for our happiness and the long term success of the marriage.

Maybe they will, and maybe they won’t. Only God knows the future. We cannot always control our circumstances, and we can never control other peoples behaviors, actions or choices. As much as we would love to have the power to change others, especially our husbands at times, we simply cannot! Continually trying to do so leads to feelings of frustration and defeat and hopelessness.

The good news is that although there are a lot of things we cannot control, we always have control over our own minds, our own thoughts, our own actions and reactions, and our own choices. We always have control over the attitudes that we carry in our hearts and minds every day. And we always have control over how we allow those attitudes to affect our life, and our marriages.

A paradigm shift refers to striving for a total transformation of the mind, like a metamorphosis of sorts. Metamorphosis is an even more powerful word regarding change than transformation is, because it means a radical change, from the inside out.

A great example of metamorphosis is the cycle of the butterfly – it starts out as a yucky larvae, then turns into a squirmy caterpillar, then a pupa in a cocoon, and ultimately into an adult butterfly. Once the butterfly emerges from the cocoon, there is no sign of the old ugly caterpillar anymore, just the beautiful butterfly spreading its colorful wings.

It completely changes, first inside, then out. The old has gone. The new has come.

In marriage, it is so easy to get stuck in a mindset. Whether that mindset is positive or negative, is up to us, but if we choose the negative, we may get stuck in the cocoon.

Positive attitudes don’t just happen, they are purposely created. And optimism always sees the beauty.

In the familiar verse found in Romans 12:2, we read “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

The “pattern” of this world, with respect to marriages, is not good. Divorce is at an all time high, even among Christian marriages. Pornography use in marriages is a huge epidemic. Infidelity plagues our TV screens as an accepted practice, in politics, reality shows, comedies, and movies and it serves to plague countless marriages every day. True love is equated to mushy romance scenes that are unrealistic in most relationships. Deception, lies, mistrust, revenge, bitterness, and so on. These are the patterns of our world.

That is exactly why God calls each of us to be set apart from the world. To live in the world, but not of the world. The only way to do that, is to experience a paradigm shift, a transformation, a metamorphosis in our own hearts and minds so that we can set patterns in our lives and marriages that are pleasing to God, and only God.

True transformation requires making the choice every day to live God-focused instead of world-focused. To stay focused on what God can do, instead of what it appears He is not doing. To transform not only our minds, but our hearts, our speech, our actions, our choices, our pursuits, our dreams, and hopefully, our marital relationships.

In The Message Bible, Romans 12:1-2 is written in such a way that it puts a great spin on this topic of transformation, when it says “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

Wow! I loved that. Powerful stuff. So how do we transform our attitudes to stop focusing on what is not right in the marriage, and start focusing on what is? How can we shift our perceptions about our husbands from critical to complimentary; from resentful to forgiving; from frustrated to fulfilled; and from hopeless to expectant? How do we learn to allow God to change us from the inside out, and in turn, change our marriages?

Friends, there is no easy answer, but a great place to start is to realize that our husband will never meet all of our needs. That sounds disappointing, yet it is true, and having that expectation only sets us up for disappointment.

Philippians 4:19 says “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Do we see the word “husband” in this verse? Nope. God didn’t intend for our husbands, or any other person in our life, to be able to meet our needs and make us fulfilled, content and joyful. Although we can certainly enjoy some of those gifts from our hubby, only God can do that completely.

My husband once told me I was “too needy”. Have mercy. Not the finest moment for him and I can tell you he quickly regretted those words. Yet, in my heart, I knew it was true, because as women, sometimes we are needy. We all long for that physical touch, romance, friendship, honesty, intimacy, provision and closeness, from the men that we have committed our life to. But the reality is, that sometimes our husbands just cannot meet all of those needs, and when when they aren’t fulfilling our needs, our attitudes shift in the wrong direction and weeds begin to grow. And Satan smiles.

When I truly accepted that my husband could not meet all of my needs or expectations no matter how hard he did or did not try, my faith grew, my walk with God got more exciting, and my marriage gradually improved. Not overnight, but over time.

The day God helped my attitude experience a paradigm shift, was my first step towards a changed heart, and a better marriage.

What a relief it was for me to embrace the truth that Jesus was the only Person who could fill every empty space in my heart. What a gift to my husband, to release him from the expectation that it was his responsibility and obligation to try to make me happy every second of every day. Of course, I still have those days when I backslide, when doubts and discouragement fill my mind or fears enter my heart; when my husband and I argue; or when I’m tempted to think once again that ‘things will never change’. But those are the days when I get back on my knees, and once again, pray for a paradigm shift to occur.

Our lives are by-products of our choices, not our circumstances. How we “see” things in our life, will determine what we are able to “see”. We can choose to be positive and God focused, always hoping for God’s best to be just around the corner – or we can choose to be negative and world focused, expecting that God’s victory will never be ours.

The choice we choose will determine the level of joy we can expect to have in life, in faith and in marriage. I’ve read that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If we truly want different results in our marriage, a paradigm shift in attitude and heart might be necessary. If we continue to reap the same things, we’ll reap the same results. A paradigm shift is much like having an “aha!” moment, suddenly seeing things in such a new  and fresh perspective that one can never go back to the old ways again.

A paradigm shift moves us from one line of thinking that we must discard to a new line of thinking that we must embrace.  That new thinking could be exactly what God is calling us to do to not only change our own marriages, but to begin changing the broken patterns of this world.

DAY 14 FINAL CHALLENGE: EMBRACE A PARADIGM SHIFT

Your last and final challenge is this:

1) Consider whether or not you might need to embrace a paradigm shift in your way of thinking about your marriage and/or your husband. Consider whether or not you have been expecting your husband to meet all of your expectations, and if you could benefit from asking God to fill those empty spaces in your heart that it seems your husband can never fill.

2) Make a list of the things you “expect” of your husband. Make a list of the needs that you “expected” your husband to fill when you got married. Then ask God to begin helping you see what expectations you have placed on your husband, that in fact, only God can really meet. Pray for your husband to be attentive to the needs that only he can fill.

This is a tough challenge, because our thoughts are pulled into thinking “why should I change? He is the one who needs to change? He is the one who did this/that/and the other. What good does it do for me to change, if he refuses to change, or acknowledge the changes in me?”

I’m with you sister. I get it. Just remember that we only have control over our own thoughts and actions, but when we change our mindset, we might not only see things in a different light, but we also might become a role model that will inspire our husbands to embrace a personal metamorphosis as well.

The pattern of this world would be to point fingers, but the pattern of God would be to point to Him for guidance. With His help, our life and our marriages can emerge from the cocoons, and become beautiful butterflies. The old will be gone, and the new will take its place.

God is the King of transformation. The Master of metamorphosis.

And even if the circumstances of your marriage don’t change right way – you will.

As we close out this challenge, below is my prayer for you. To help you prepare your heart for this paradigm shift through the power of Christ as you continue in your journey to have the happy and fulfilling marriage that God longs for you to have:

Dear Jesus, please melt my heart towards my husband. Help me release him from the obligation of meeting all of my needs. But Lord, would you soften his heart so that he will understand my needs, and desire to meet the ones that only he can meet? You have brought us together for a reason, and I trust that You can get us through hard times, heal addictions, restore our relationship, and rekindle our love. Fill my heart with so much of You, that I do not need anything else, however You know and understand that the blessing of a happy and wonderful marriage is my heart’s desire.

Help me to experience personal victory in You, no matter my circumstances, so that I can truly change my mindset and transform my way of thinking. Help me to be set apart and not to get brainwashed or blinded by the patterns of this world. Guide my thoughts to good things about my husband, and not just the bad. Help me to forgive, and if needed, help me to forget. Give me the strength to love my husband unconditionally, just as You love me. Fill my mind and mouth with words that will help me achieve a metamorphosis in my soul, from the inside out. Help me to get rid of old thoughts and patterns, and embrace the opportunity to become a more positive person about my marriage.

Most of all Lord, please make your Presence known to me. Let me see a glimpse of You at work in my marriage so that I can continue to be hopeful and excited about the changes that are to come. I trust in You Lord, forgive me for doubting that you are bigger than all my problems. Help me to always remember that it is Your desire for me to be happy and fulfilled in all things. Thank you for my husband, and for the grace and mercy that you bestow on us both. In Your name, Jesus Christ, King of all Kings, Amen.”

NEXT WEEK: I will post a couple special follow up posts to the marriage challenge, so be on the lookout for them!

The two winners of autographed copies of Stressed-Less Living from Tuesday’s giveaway are noted below. If this is you, then congrats! Please click here to email your mailing address to me. Please reference this book in your contact email.

1) Charity who posted at March 26, 2013 at 10:29 pm

2) Lucretia who posted at March 26, 2013 at 11:06 am

Partner:

Companion: “a person who is frequently in the company of another; a person employed to accompany, assist, or live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend; a mate or match for something.”

Helper: “a person or thing that helps or gives assistance, support, etc.; aid, assistant; supporter, backer, auxiliary, ally.”

The day we profess our commitment to our husbands on our wedding day, and recite our vows, is the day we become his partner, helper, and companion in God’s eyes. The cumulative definitions above exemplify what those vows really mean, and how God calls a wife to be – but sometimes filling these shoes is much easier said than done.

In Genesis 2:20b-22 says, “But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

God created Eve so that she could be Adam’s companion, helper and partner in life. The first love story known to man, ordained by God.

But considering the fact that we live in an entirely different world than Adam and Eve lived in, with an entirely different set of societal issues and problems to face and overcome,  does God still expect us to be our man’s helper?

In fact, is it even still relevant for us to consider ourselves a “helper” to our husbands, here in the 21st century, when women’s equality is a burning hot topic?

You may not want to hear this answer – but absolutely! Gods Word Was, and Is, and Is to come.

If He proclaimed it as truth then, it still holds strong as an infallible truth today. His Word never changes in meaning, implications or applications for our lives, regardless of how much time passes, or how much society would like us to believe that scripture is irrelevant or outdated.

However, being our husband’s helper does not mean being subservient, less than, inferior or controlled. It does not mean surrendering or accepting any type of abuse, or considering ourselves as inferior to our husband. It does not mean justifying abuse or blaming ourselves, or surrendering to a life filled with patterns of pain.

Being a helper means giving our husband our very best and making him a priority in every area of our life, so that our marriage can thrive.  It means helping him become the man God called him to be, by being the wife God called us to be. Being a helper is not an admission of weakness, but a sign of strength, confidence and great faith.

Recently I was reading through the passages in Leviticus about the many sacrifices and holy practices that the Israelites were required to do in order to stay in God’s favor, since the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ had yet to take place. These Old Testament passages can be very hard to get through because of all the bloody sacrifices and exhausting details about everything and everyone. Yet tucked within all those details are simple yet profound truths.

In Leviticus 23:9 for example, the Lord said to Moses, “….. When you enter the land I am giving you and you harvest its first crops, bring the priest a bundle of grain from the first cutting of your grain harvest.”

Notice he said “first crops”, “first cuttings” and “first harvest”.

Not our second crops. Not the crops that we don’t really want to keep for ourselves. Not the crops that we feel we can spare. But the first crops. Not the second cuttings of harvests, after the best has been consumed, but the first and best harvests for God alone.

The reason God asked for their “first crops” of the harvest is because He wanted their very best, not their leftovers.  And God wants us to give our very best too – in every area of our life.

We are called to put God first in all that we do – in our faith, our work, our parenting, our marriages, and our commitments to our husbands. But the reality is that on far too many days, I know I give my husband my leftovers.  I may have given my “first crops” to ministry, work, housework, community, extended family or children. And he gets the leftovers of what I have to give – if anything is left at all. And ashamedly, I sometimes give God my leftovers too.

A few years ago, I read a story in my friend Melanie Chitwood’s book, “What A Husband Needs From His Wife”, that went like this:

“What are we having for dinner?” When I said that we were having macaroni and cheese with hot dogs (again!), I was sharply convicted of my wrong priorities. I had put someone else… ahead of my own family. I had gone many extra miles to make the meal I was taking to someone I had never met, but I was throwing together something quick and easy for my own husband and children. In short, I was giving something to someone else that I had not first given to the people closest to me!”

I could certainly relate to Melanie’s confession. I have put others needs above those of my own family at times, and given my family the leftovers. I have given my sweetest attitude to people in my church or community, while exhibiting a lack of patience and tolerance to my own husband and children. I have been willing to go out of my way to help someone else with a servant’s heart, but then felt resentful when I had to go out of my way to help my husband with something he requested of me.

As a helper, companion and partner to our husbands, I believe God calls us to give our first crops to Him first, but then also to give our first crops to our husbands.

God wants us to put helping our husbands at the top of our priority lists; to be someone he can share life with and enjoy the blessings that come from that togetherness; to be a helpful friend; to be their mate; to be their encourager; to be someone who gives assistance, support and acts as their ally.  First crops that might be hard to offer, but that will reap a harvest of bounty in every way.

This verse in Leviticus, although nestled quietly in the stories of sacrifices and rituals, helped me remember the importance of giving God, and my husband, my first crops. My very best on both accounts. Because neither one deserves any leftovers.

DAY 13 CHALLENGE:  Embrace the role of being your husband’s PARTNER/HELPER/COMPANION

The challenge today is to consider whether or not you are you giving God your “first crops”, and secondly, are you giving your husband your “first crops”. Are you giving God your very best, and are you giving your husband your very best? Despite emotions, feelings, circumstances and memories of happenings of the past?

Is there anything in your heart that is preventing you from being able to offer those “first crops”? Have you wedding promises to each other become a dusty memory? Have you given any thought lately to the importance of being your husband’s helper, companion and partner in every sense of the word?

Sometimes it is hard to give selflessly, especially if that help/companionship/partnership is not being given in return. But I do believe that if someone takes the first step, other steps will follow by both people involved.  But even if we don’t see immediate progress, we can still rest in knowing that God is doing a great thing in us and through us, and we can always feel good about that.

Pray about this concept of “first crops” today if needed, and ask God to help you remember to give Him, and your husband, your very best.

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