Got this little postcard in the mail a few days ago.

They’re advertising their new weight loss classes. Seems like a good thing to do. I’ve got nothing against folks getting healthy. As a matter of fact, you should really put down that snack because it’s killing you!

Here’s my problem with advertising for weight loss. Don’t tell me I’m gonna have to eat all that junk featured on the front of your postcard. Besides, I’ve already tried grapefruit, and I’m 100% positive that I HATE IT!

That’s no way to sell weight loss. You gotta let people know that it’s gonna be easy, you’ll lose it magically in your sleep… with very little to no effort at all.

Don’t tell them they have to eat fruit and go to the hospital!!!

I’d be willing to bet a new fence that they don’t fill that classroom up. Furthermore, I bet they never mail that postcard again.

Stay Hungry,
Mike

Are you paying Google 21% to 39% too much?

Weight Loss Postcard

I’ve always been a sucker for books that claim to meld psychology with advertising.

The sub-headline reached out and grabbed me while innocently perusing the marketing section at Barnes & Noble: “How to Use More Than 100 Secrets of Ad-Agency Psychology to Make BIG MONEY Selling Anything to Anyone”.

Don’t know anything about the author, Drew Eric Whitman, but I did recognize the name of the person endorsing the book on the front cover - Roger Dawson. I think he’s the guy who has all those tape collections that I never buy while at Half Price Books.

Here’s some quick bullet points from the back of the book:

- Sixty percent of people read only headlines.
- Captions under photos get 200 percent greater readership than non-headline copy.
- Ads with sale prices draw 20 percent more attention.
- Four-color ads are up to 45 percent more effective than black and white.

Are you paying Google 21% to 39% too much?

Cashvertising Book Review

#1 Click Thru Rate (Biggest Component of Google PPC Quality Score)

Searchers vote with their clicks - letting Google know what PPC ads are best for their search query. User feedback has always been important to Google. How a user clicks (votes) is a key decision making determinant of Quality Score.

#2 Relevancy (Next Largest Component of Google PPC Quality Score)

More specifically, the relevancy of the keywords in the users search query as they relate to your Ad Copy - Google determines relevancy by determining how well your ads relate to keywords, and to make sure only useful ads are served to their users.

#3 Landing Page Quality (Final Component of Google PPC Quality Score)

The landing page should help the user find the information they want. A high quality landing page should have relevant, original content. The landing page should be easy to navigate and quick to load. Also, it should be transparant about the nature of the business (about us, contact us, address information), how the site interacts with it’s visitors (privacy policy) and how you intend to use the visitor’s information.

If you need professional help running your Google PPC advertising, pick up the phone and call today!

Are you paying Google 21% to 39% too much?

Quality Score Google PPC

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These are actual church bulletin quotes or announcements made from the pulpit. Hope you enjoy…

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

I would love to hear your funny church bulletin stories too. Feel free to leave your comments below…

Are you paying Google 21% to 39% too much?

Funny Church Bulletins

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