Angels and Demons

After the disaster that was 2007’s Da Vinci Code it seemed that nothing would draw me back to the film adaptations of Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon series.  Fortunately for Angels and Demons’ producers, I saw the trailer.  The darkly lit trailer begins with a tracking shot of the Vatican at night with lights on all around it.  This combined with actor Stellan Skarsgard’s narration about attacking the Vatican provides an eerie feel.  Film sequels in recent years have yearned to be darker than their predecessors (The Dark Knight, X-Men 2), Angels and Demons is no exception.  The trailer shows horrific images, fire, and dimly lit enclosed spaces to show that the film has taken the series to the next level.  We also see from the trailer that, the producers have decided (wisely) to nix Tom Hanks’s ridiculous hair piece from the first film, which completely distracted the audience from the plot being played out on screen.  With an intense score that propels the mysterious images on the screen, the trailer promises a bolder, more intense (and hopefully more interesting) addition to the Robert Langdon series.

Click to watch the Dedication trailer at Zuguide.com

In case you hadn’t heard, Watchmen comes out on Friday. Given the level of anticipation this film has produced in die hard fans of the graphic novel and the general public alike, it’s quite possible that Billy Crudup will go from being that rock star guy who called himself a golden god and jumped off a roof into a swimming pool (Russell Hammond in Almost Famous) to that scientist who accidentally disintegrated himself and came back as that blue guy who can control matter and energy at will (Dr. Manhattan in the aforementioned Watchmen). I’d call that a slight upgrade. But, before Friday rolls around and Crudup becomes known as the most powerful Smurf ever, I thought I’d take a moment and offer up the trailer for Crudup’s last, less than widely released film, Dedication.

In Dedication, Crudup plays an obsessive compulsive man who hates people but writes children’s books. When Tom Wilkinson, Crudup’s only friend and the illustrator of his hit “Marty the Beaver” series, dies, Crudup is forced to share a beach house with Wilkinson’s replacement, Mandy Moore, in order to finish up the latest Marty installment. Take a wild guess what happens next.

Highlights of the Dedication trailer include: 1) Crudup rattling off all his OCD symptoms the first time he meets Moore. 2) Crudup telling a little girl girl at a book signing that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. 3) Wilkinson describing Moore as being “lovely like an antelope in a junkyard.” 4) Crudup wearing a yellow football helmet to overcome his fear of riding in a car. And, 5) Crudup pretending to be upset when Moore falls asleep next to him on the couch.  My favorite part of the trailer is when Crudup vaporizes Mandy Moore and uses her atomic material to annihilate a squadron of attack helicopters and over forty tanks (not really). Dedication opened August 24, 2007. Check of the Dedication trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch The Wrester trailer at Zuguide.com

If The Wrestler lives up to the lofty expectations of its overwhelming critical acclaim, we’ll all need to take a moment to thank Nicolas Cage for passing on the lead role and allowing director Darren Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain) to tap Mickey Rourke as the washed-up, broken-down grappler Randy “The Ram” Robinson. It’s no overstatement to insist that the film’s believability hinges on this crucial casting choice, and when the alternative was a creepy, awkward over-actor with bad hair that is the stuff of legend, Mickey Rourke, and his perfect combination of Macho Man Randy Savage hair, Hulk Hogan physique, and Mickey Rourke face, seems like the only way to go.

The Wrestler trailer shows off the film’s documentary-like style and provides a few tender moments where Rourke reveals that, although his personal life and health have been torn apart by his career as a sports entertainer, he loves performing for his fans. Highlights of The Wrestler trailer include: 1) Rourke preparing for a match. 2) Rourke’s boss putting him down after he asks for more hours by saying, “All I got is weekends. Isn’t that when you sit on other dudes’ faces?” 3) Rourke convincing Marisa Tomei to have a beer with him. 4) Rourke trying to make amends with Evan Rachel Wood, his estranged daughter. And, 5) Rourke putting forth the theory that Kurt Cobain ruined music and contributed to the suckiness of the 90s. My favorite part of the trailer comes when Rourke is shown shaving his armpits while wearing a shower cap. The Wrestler opened December 17, 2008. Check out The Wrestler trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch the A Christmas Story trailer at Zuguide.com

With Christmas just a day away, I thought I’d offer up the trailer for the quintessential basic cable holiday movie, A Christmas Story. Shown no fewer than 300 times each December, A Christmas Story is basically an honest, if slightly exaggerated, view of the holiday season as seen through the eyes of a young boy growing up in the 1940s. All Ralphie wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB gun, but his pleas are ignored by his parents and even the mall Santa Claus shuts him down. With Ralphie’s overwhelming desire for a BB gun at its center, the rest of the film revolves around his dysfunctional family and their various failures at achieving the perfect American Christmas.

Highlights of the A Christmas Story trailer include: 1) Mrs. Parker dropping a wrapped present that is obviously a bowling ball into Mr. Parker’s unsuspecting lap. 2) Ralphie and Randy throwing the socks they just unwrapped over their shoulders. 3) Randy eating his dinner like a little pig. 4) The Parker’s house being overrun by hound dogs and Mr. Parker shouting at them from his porch. And, 5) The mall Santa Claus sending Ralphie down a slide by pushing him in the forehead with his foot. My favorite part of the trailer is when Mr. Parker points out that the Peking duck they are about to eat is smiling at them just before their server chops its head off with a butcher knife. Check out the A Christmas Story trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch the Terminator Salvation trailer at Zuguide.com

First, we were supposed to believe Edward Furlong grew up to become Nick Stahl (maybe). Now, we’re supposed to believe that Nick Stahl magically transformed into Christian Bale (I don’t see it). The Terminator franchise may center on time traveling cyborgs and an artificially intelligent computer ushering in the apocalypse so machines can rule the planet, but they could have paid a little more attention to the continuity of their heroes.

I’m all for Batman taking over as John Connor in the upcoming Terminator Salvation, and obviously Furlong reached the apex of his career as a whiny juvenile delinquent who fell in love with Arnold Schwarzenegger in T2, so the weak link here has to be Stahl. Without Stahl’s stint in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, it’s not hard to imagine the Furlong Connor embracing his destiny, working out a little bit, and becoming the machine-killing machine that the Bale Connor appears to be in the new film. But, the Stahl Connor was such a clumsy, uninspiring wimp that he made Claire Danes look tough by comparison. I’d feel much better about the whole thing if they had simply cast someone like Chris Evans in T3. He might not be Laurence Olivier, but at least he would have been the toughest cast member on My So-Called Life.

As it stands, we’ll just have to pretend that the Stahl Connor somehow grew a pair, went through Dark Knight training camp, and came out the other side as the convincing, battle-tested leader of the human resistance. Or, maybe we could just forget about T3 all together.

Highlights of the Terminator Salvation trailer include: 1) A machine grabbing a human out of warehouse like the claw game at the grocery store. 2) Bale shooting a Terminator in the head after landing on it with a helicopter. 3) Robot motorcycles tearing down the highway. 4) Bale striking the “Charlie Sheen in Platoon” pose, while screaming in the rain. And, 5) Bale getting in Sam Worthington’s face and saying, “We’ve been at war since before either of us even existed.” My favorite parts of the trailer are the eerie shots of a lone Terminator standing menacingly in the rain. Terminator Salvation opens May 22, 2009. Check out the Terminator Salvation trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch the Yes Man trailer at Zuguide.com

In honor of Jim Carrey completing the long awaited second installment of his forced behavior modification trilogy with Yes Man (the first being 1997’s Liar Liar), I’ve decided to put forth a few ideas for the final, closure-bringing film that should hit theaters towards the end of 2017. But, before we get to the possible plots, let’s do a little recap.

In Liar Liar, Carrey was a lawyer magically forced to tell the truth for 24 hours after his son made a birthday wish. The experience had him saying and doing things that put a major cramp in his scumball lawyer day, like admitting to farting in an elevator and pronouncing himself to be in contempt of court .  In Yes Man, Carrey is a perpetual naysayer challenged to say yes to every opportunity that comes his way for an entire year after attending a self-help seminar. As a result, Carrey drinks too much Red Bull, takes up guitar and Korean, and orders a Persian bride on the internet.

For the third film, I imagine Carrey will start out as some type of jerkhole and, through an outlandish set of circumstances, discover that his anti-social behavior has been holding him back from realizing true happiness.

On to the scenarios:

1) Carrey is a professional bull rider who obtains the majority of his food by hunting out of season with illegal firearms. While attending his regular Thursday night dog fight, Carrey accidentally starts an all-out brawl, during which a cursed dog collar slips around his neck. Transformed into a pitbull, Carrey must win a number of fights and find an owner who truly loves him before the end of seven dog years, or the transformation will be permanent. After enjoying the freedom of relieving himself in public and smelling strange women on the street, Carrey is taken in by a series of negligent owners before finally making a connection with a young  homeless boy. Following months of abuse, the boy’s unconditional love melts Carrey’s heart and lifts the spell. After changing back into a man, Carrey adopts the boy and they open a ranch for abandoned animals.

2) Carrey is a degenerate gambler who’s been barred from every casino, racetrack, and riverboat in the US. Unable to shake his habit, Carrey is forced to make bets with people he meets on the street. When an illegal immigrant wages that Carrey couldn’t handle working alongside a group of undocumented aliens for a month, Carrey sets out to prove him wrong and win the man’s life savings. After wreaking havoc on a construction site, a vegetable farm, a restaurant, and a hotel, Carrey discovers that the men and women he’s been working with have become the family he never had. But, when the month is up, he reverts to his old ways and runs off with his new friend’s life savings. After placing a winning bet on the Super Bowl with the only bookie who will still speak to him, Carrey is overcome with regret, returns all the money to the immigrant who helped him see the light, and uses his winnings to take the other workers on an extravagant shopping spree.

3) Carrey and archrival Adam Sandler enter an act-off to see who can make the most money at the box office over the course of three years. Alternating between comedies and dramas, the two former funnymen gross obscene amounts of cash without being involved in a single memorable scene during the filming of 18 awful movies. While attending the Sundance Film Festival, Carrey and Sandler find themselves stuck in the same ski lodge after a blizzard hits. When the other guests recognize them, Carrey and Sandler are forced to sit through a tedious, non-stop marathon of all the crap movies they’ve churned out over the last 36 months. Appalled by what they see, Carrey and Sandler agree to put aside their differences and collaborate on the most hilarious, heart-wrenching dramedy the world has ever endured.

I’m leaning towards number two, but I’m pretty sure that during rewrites the story would be changed so that Carrey merely has to accept every bet he’s offered over the course of six months. So, rather than getting stuck in wet concrete and falling asleep in an industrial clothes dryer while working with the immigrants, Carrey would just travel around the country/world accepting bets to enter a hot pepper eating contest, walk on all fours for a week, join a nudist colony, compete in a big wave surf competition, etc. In the end, Carrey would stop gambling, but he probably wouldn’t have as many new foreign friends.

While the final film in the forced behavior modification trilogy is still in the pre-development stages, Yes Man is here today. Highlights of the Yes Man trailer include: 1) Carrey’s boss welcoming him to a party with, “We are Sparta!” while dressed like Gerard Butler from 300 (with glasses). 2) Carrey wrapping scotch tape around his head. 3) John Michael Higgins rubbing Carrey’s failure in his face by telling him he climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.  4). Terence Stamp hitting Carrey in the head with a microphone to make him say yes for the first time.  And, 5) Carrey snorting hot sauce during a night out drinking with Danny Masterson and Bradley Cooper. My favorite part of the trailer is when Carrey accepts a ride on the back of Zooey Deschanel’s scooter and they are both nearly killed in traffic. Yes Man opens December 19, 2008. Check out the Yes Man trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch The Day the Earth Stood Still trailer

After portraying a kind-hearted, time-traveling dimwit whose rock music leads to the creation of a Utopian society (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey) and a messianic computer hacker who frees the human race from unconscious slavery using kung fu (The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions), Keanu Reeves decided to stretch his bones and accept a role that would allow him to approach saving the world from a slightly different angle: threatening to eradicate the human race. In the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, Reeves plays Klaatu, an alien messenger sent to Earth to assess humankind’s ability to peaceably coexist and reverse the environmental damage they’ve inflicted on the planet. Rather than saving humanity with power chords or martial arts techniques, Reeves must decide whether the earthlings deserve to live, or if their existence poses too great a threat to their planet’s rare ability to sustain complex life.

Not surprisingly, Reeves’ alien impression basically consists of his patented vacant stare combined with his naturally emotionless speaking voice. For someone who grew up listening to Robert Stack narrate thousands of alien abductions on Unsolved Mysteries, this doesn’t exactly strike fear in my heart. Compared to the countless nights I spent dreading the thought of waking up in a distant galaxy strapped to an ice-cold metal table in a room filled with light, doomed to spend the final terrifying hours of my life in intense anguish, listening to Reeves calmly forewarn his human captors that their time is running out has little effect. I mean, the mere fact that he’s willing to sit down and talk means that there’s still a chance for salvation, and, even if things don’t work out, I’m pretty sure there won’t be any probing involved.

Highlights of The Day the Earth Stood Still trailer include: 1) Jennifer Connelly hiding a cell phone in her cleavage. 2) Don Draper (Jon Hamm) pretending to be a NASA scientist. 3) Reeves dryly answering a couple questions while hooked up to a polygraph before telling the man administering the test that he should let him go.  And, 4) Reeves telling Connelly and Jaden Smith (the future Next Karate Kid), “If the Earth dies, you die. If you die, the Earth survives.” My favorite part of the trailer comes near the end when Gort, Reeves’ menacing robot enforcer, is shown for a brief moment with a beam of light coming out of his cyclops-like eye. The Day the Earth Stood Still opens December 12, 2008. Check out The Day the Earth Stood Still trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch the Milk trailer at Zuguide.com

Harvey Milk was an influential gay rights leader and the first openly gay elected government official in the US. Though his work for the gay community stands on its own merit, Milk’s murder at the hands of a fellow San Francisco Supervisor makes his story as tragic as it is noteworthy. Fresh on the heels of the passing of California’s Proposition 8, a controversial ballot measure that restricts the definition of marriage in the state to the union of a man and a woman, director Gus Van Sant has cast Sean Penn to portray Milk in a promising biopic that will likely place Penn among the early front runners for the Academy Award for Best Actor.

Penn, who has a history of selecting strong, charismatic roles, is no stranger to Oscar nominations, having earned the honor for his work in Dead Man Walking, Sweet and Lowdown, I am Sam, and Mystic River (for which he won the award). The seriousness of Milk’s subject matter should shield Penn from the criticism he faced after I am Sam (a melodramatic Forrest Gump 2, without all the lofty accomplishments and catch phrases) was released, but you have to think that Penn knew that the film would garner the Academy’s consideration when he took the role. I wish him luck, as long as he keeps the Beatles references to a minimum.

Highlights of the Milk trailer include: 1) Emile Hirsch (Into the Wild, Speed Racer) telling Penn that he doesn’t “do losing” when Penn suggests they start a revolution in San Francisco. 2) All the men in Penn’s office showing their surprise when he introduces a woman (Alison Pill) as his campaign manager. 3) Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men, W., American Gangster) condescendingly asking Penn if two men can reproduce and Penn responding, “No, but God knows we keep trying.”  And, 4) Penn giving an emphatic speech in front of a large crowd right after receiving a death threat. My favorite part of the Milk trailer is watching James Franco attempt to morph Saul Silver (Pineapple Express) into a gay man living in the 1970s. Milk opens December 5, 2008. Check out the Milk trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to watch the Gran Torino trailer at Zuguide.com

Clint Eastwood has said that his turn in Gran Torino will be he last as an actor so that he can devote all his time to directing. Knowing that the film would be his last in front of the camera, Eastwood apparently decided to unleash a heightened form of facial acting that is the exact polar opposite of Ben Stiller’s portrayal of Derek Zoolander. In the Gran Torino trailer, Eastwood makes a variety of faces that come within seconds of tearing through the fabric of space time, instantaneously creating a black hole, and ending the universe. There simply has never been a man capable of making a face that shows so much displeasure. It’s really amazing.

In Gran Torino, Eastwood plays an intense, curmudgeonly widower who can’t get along with what’s left of his family and despises the wave of immigrants that has begun to settle in his neighborhood. Eastwood basically hates everyone and everything until he catches his young Hmong neighbor trying to steal his car for a gang initiation. After reluctantly taking the boy under his wing, Eastwood eventually comes out of his shell of hate, connecting with the rest of the boy’s family and protecting them from the gang. I imagine that the some of the most difficult scenes for Eastwood come near the end of the film, where he has to coax some type of smile from his weathered face after spending most of the movie pushing the limits of a soon-to-be legendary hyper-contorted grimace.

Highlights of the Gran Torino trailer include: 1) Eastwood confronting some troublemakers on the street with a voice that sounds like he snacks on gravel. 2) Eastwood looking like he’s going to implode just before kicking his children out of his house for suggesting he move into a retirement home. 3) Eastwood’s elderly, female Hmong neighbor spitting a quart of tobacco juice on the ground in response to Eastwood complaining about all the foreigners moving into the neighborhood. And, 4) Eastwood pulling a rifle on a bunch of gang members and telling them to get off his lawn. My favorite part of the trailer comes near the end when Eastwood beats up a gang member with his bare fists, even though he’s at least 70 years his elder. Gran Torino opens January 16, 2009. Check out the Gran Torino trailer at Zuguide.com.

Click to check out the Role Models red band trailer at Zuguide.com

After a hiatus of nearly a decade following the release of American Pie, the red band trailer has made a triumphant return in recent years. With R-rated previews for Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Pineapple Express, Burn After Reading, Tropic Thunder, Knocked Up, etc. becoming hits both in theaters and online, moviegoers are finally getting a more accurate idea of the levels of cursing, nudity, violence, and drug use that the most highly anticipated upcoming movies promise to deliver. Where the red band designation was initally intended to be a deterant and a warning to parents, it has recently become an effective marketing tool – exuding a sense of exclusivity and the forbidden. The red band trailer seems to lend itself particularly well to the comedy, where raunchy, offensive adlibs have become the norm. A couple of memorably objectionable lines from a good red band trailer are usually enough to sell fans on a flick’s potential.

Role Models, the new comedy from director David Wain (“Stella,” “The State,” Wet Hot American Summer) and co-writer/star Paul Rudd (Clueless, Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin), is one of the latest films to jump in on the red band trailer trend. After wrecking the truck they use to promote Minotaur Energy Drink on a school campus, Elizabeth Banks tells Rudd, the cynical pitch man, and Seann William Scott, the womanizing mascot, that they have been sentenced to perform 150 hours of community service at a Big Brothers Big Sisters-type program. Rudd is paired with Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad), a renaissance fair loving dork, and Scott is stuck with Bobb’e J. Thompson (“Human Giant,” Fred Claus), a little, foul-mouthed troublemaker. In the trailer, both Rudd and Scott make ample use of the film’s R-rating, but I’m pretty sure it’s Bobb’e J. Thompson who will have the most quotable lines in the movie.

Highlights of the Role Models red band trailer include: 1)  Rudd and Scott telling a smart ass middle school student that Scott got the Minotaur costume out of the boy’s mother’s closet after he f-ed her. 2)  Jane Lynch telling Rudd and Scott that she used to eat cocaine for breakfast and lunch. 3) Thompson shouting that he doesn’t want to take his pants off right after Scott introduces himself. And, 4) Mintz-Plasse asking Thompson if he means that the medieval themed game he plays is “gay” in the Old English sense of the word. My favorite part of the trailer is when they show a shot of Thompson’s drawing depicting a meeting between Beyoncé, himself, and some sugar. Role Models opened November 7, 2008. Check out the Role Models red band trailer at Zuguide.com.