Erin Reese Travel and Soul

Bindi Girl now in paperback!

2012-01-17T17:54:00.001-08:00

"There are three trips you take to India: the one you think you're going to have – that you plan for, the one you actually have, and the one you live through once you go back home."

~ The Adventures of Bindi Girl

We are thrilled to announce the long-awaited release of Erin Reese's high-energy travel memoir, The Adventures of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India. Now in paperback on Amazon.

Support your local travel writer - order your paperback copy of Bindi Girl today and join the unforgettable journey!

http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Bindi-Girl-Diving-Heart/dp/0615547664

Paperback: 260 pages
Publisher: Travel and Soul Media (January 10, 2012)

The Adventures of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India

Product Description

Erin Reese is a one-of-a-kind travel writer—a spiritual seeker and solo backpacker who dropped out of a successful career in corporate America, hit the road, and never looked back.

A SPIRITUAL TRAVELER'S SASSY TALE

Packed with plenty of spicy curry, cows, and comedy, Bindi Girl takes us on one heck of a wild ride across India. From Dharamsala and the Dalai Lama to ashrams, yoga schools, and meditation melodramas, Bindi educates and entertains as she goes. We discover the Hindu deities, the tourist trap mafia, and the beach havens of the hippie trail. From "Guru Disney" to the holy hell of Varanasi, Bindi's got us clamoring for more masala chai all the way.

When Bindi meets an attractive young stranger who is more than her mental and physical match, her fiery spirit is put to the test. He whisks her off to the furthest reaches of India—the Andaman Islands in the Bay of Bengal. There, in an isolated jungle, they attempt to live out a Robinson Crusoe fantasy. Will it be the Garden of Eden or end up a natural disaster? Among the wild beauty and danger of the islands and the kooky madness of "typical India," Reese takes us deep into the heart of a country and her very self.

Bindi Girl is a gift to the traveler, the spiritual seeker, and the armchair tourist—anyone yearning for honest inspiration and a real kick to get out and truly live!

"India – a land where the last thing one needs to bother with is looking good. In India – at least in the circles I moved in – it's natural to look beautiful by the smile in your heart and the way you move through the world."

~ The Adventures of Bindi Girl

back cover

Not for the Meek: Spirituality in Kali's Realm

2012-01-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

Calling oneself a “spiritual person” is all fine and dandy when we are comfy and cozy in our life setup, when we are admiring Ganesha the elephant god as a cute, pot-bellied pachyderm and a sweet deity to put on the wall as a tapestry. “Spiritual life” is fine when our downward dogs and hot yoga classes are helping us look hotter at the next office party.

Spirituality is especially peachy-keen when we have enough money in the bank to afford all-organic food and to pay for our fair trade, shade-grown coffee. Then we love to talk about how we’re “all one” and that “love is the answer.” Then it’s just darned great.

But what is spirituality when we can barely move, when we’re clobbered by our very human existence? When we’re slammed with a debilitating health crisis? When someone near and dear to us dies unexpectedly? When we feel trapped by our life circumstances, of which we feel no way out of, in a million ways, with nowhere to turn? When we absolutely, positively feel there is no solution to the hell du jour and only an airlift from God is going to help? Where do we go when we have nowhere to go? How far does our cute, pot-bellied pachyderm take us then, hmm? What then?

Yes, this is where the rubber meets the road – when we’re in a real, honest to goodness crisis. IF we’re lucky, we may be able to remain conscious during the meltdown. By conscious here, I mean remaining semi-mindful – able to offer up a prayer, still keeping our side of the street clean and doing our best to keep an internal equilibrium. But this is still the realm of the ego, and when we are really, truly losing it (which most churches, spiritual feel-good junkies and self-help gurus will never, ever tell you), the ego is being burnt to a crisp.

If we can’t remain conscious during a life crisis, maybe, just maybe, we can remain aware that we are unconscious, like a person in a coma who can’t quite get out of it but who knows that they are in a coma. We may be able to remain aware – in touch with the witness, or the watcher – that the shit is really hitting the fan and we haven’t a chance.

Calling In the Big Guns

The gods and goddesses of India are archetypes that represent states of existence. Whether or not one embraces the deities as incarnations doesn’t matter. Makes no difference if you’re a yogi or a Christian or an atheist or a Hindu: the quantum realities of the gods are real – as energies, as forces of nature.

When things are truly falling apart and we haven’t an ice cube’s chance in hell to stop it, perhaps it’s time to get out of the way and let the darker archetypes do their job. Let us genuflect to the biggies, Lord Shiva and Mother Kali.

Shiva, god of transformation, is always on the job when things are dying, dancing His eternal tandava dance as Nataraja, lord of creation and destruction of the universe. Create, destroy, live, die. Evolve, rinse, repeat. We egoic humans cling mightily to the pretty, to the living, to the pleasant. Sure, that is our nature – that’s how life goes on, through the life force pulsing through us. But when everything in our life is breaking down, from body to home to pocketbook to profession to marriage, quite frankly, Shiva doesn’t give a shit.

That’s why we worship Him, even if symbolic, and bow down to His altar in great humility. Perhaps, if we’re lucky, Shiva may grant us a shred of grace, once we’ve accepted that He is leading the tandava dance, and we are merely following. This is real tantra. And it doesn’t mean you get to have it your way. It’s not Burger King.

And then… and then there are the heavier-duty cases, where we enter the ghastlier realms of life experience. Now we are in Kali’s realm. We can avoid Her, this darkest of the dark goddesses, and play hide and seek for a long time. Who wouldn’t prefer to hang with Saraswati, who plays a veena harp and rides a swan? Or lovely lady Lakshmi, perched on a pretty pink lotus bed, distributing coins of gold and health and wealth?

But, when the rubble just keeps tumbling down on us and we have no hope and there is no way out and the whole stewpot is too horrifying to face and we want to call it a day but somehow the life force and the cosmic joke keeps us here without release from human existence… THEN we meet Beloved Kali, the dark one, the slayer of illusions. Once again.

O Maa Kali! Lolling tongue, gnashing teeth, severed heads and bloodshed. Here we are now in the realm of the wrathful one, Shiva’s dark consort. Kali comes not when the Tower of our lives is crashing down, no. Kali IS the crash! She makes sure our life structures and petty constructs are totally, 100% annihilated. There is a plan and a divine orchestrator, and we…are…not…it.

How can we feel less than an absolute failure when the Tower is crashing? The error is in mistaking this meltdown to be our own doing, that we have somehow made this happen and could do something to fix it – and fix it now! – rather than accepting and worshipping the annihilation of our life as we know it.

We are cautioned not to mistake the illusion of our own doer-ship as real lest we add a mistaken dose of shame to the mix. Shame arises when we confuse the process and think we are the doer. NO. That is where we get the truth wrong. This complete and total destruction, as messy and ugly as it is, is exactly what is supposed to happen, and it is going to take as long as it takes. So… pop the popcorn, pull up a chair, and watch the show. There is nothing you can do to change the movie reel. It’s gotta play out.

Prostrating to Maa Kali at this point, believe it or not, is to say Thank You! to Her for destroying your life. Sound like a tall order? Keep fighting it. See how long it lasts.

Realization at this point is to SEE that, if you’re still in the battlefield of breakdown, She is not done yet hacking away at anyone and anything – the demons of illusion and suffering – that do not fit.

Best to stay down. On your knees. Let Her finish the job.

Now you can relax.

Jai Maa.

Popular Highlights In The Adventures of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India

2012-01-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

It's hard to be a writer. Writers, like other artists who present their work publicly, are constantly exposed. It's not for the meek. Sometimes, writers want to play ostrich, and hide from reviewers. But we rely on our readers to give us feedback, airplay, and an audience to write for.

Much to my delight, not only are people *reading* Bindi Girl; the adventure memoir is making an impact. Today, I discovered a cool feature on Amazon's Kindle in which the most popular parts of a book are noted, based on the number of times readers highlight a passage while reading on their Kindle device or app. Thought to share these passages with you today. I hope you add a few of your own - and your own review on Amazon.

Love,

Erin

Link to this list on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Bindi-Girl-Diving-Heart-ebook/dp/B004SBP6X8

Most Popular Highlights of Erin Reese's travel memoir, The Adventures of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India - noted by Amazon Kindle readers as of January 8, 2012

Amazon displays Popular Highlights by combining the highlights of all Kindle customers and identifying the passages with the most highlights. The resulting Popular Highlights help readers focus on passages that are meaningful to the greatest number of people.

“I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” (Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, Letters to a Young Poet)

Highlighted by 6 Kindle users

Therefore, if today is the day you are going to die, how will you live today?

Highlighted by 5 Kindle users

So when I woke up in the morning on Day Three, I asked myself, if this is the day I will die, is this place where I choose to be? Is this exactly what I choose to be doing?

Highlighted by 4 Kindle users

“You can’t work your way out by working it out with the mind. Better to follow your heart if you can find it. If you can’t find it, just jump. Your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!”

Highlighted by 4 Kindle users

India – a land where the last thing one needs to bother with is “looking good,” or buying this, that, and the other. In India – at least in the circles I moved in – it’s natural to look beautiful by the smile in your heart and the way you move through the world. The lack of a “consumer culture” and less consumption choices leaves more room for honest expression; there’s more room to focus on the person beneath the facade.

Highlighted by 3 Kindle users

philosophy of death embraced by many Buddhists: to look each day squarely in the face and say, “This is the day I will die.”

Highlighted by 3 Kindle users

there are three trips you take to India: the one you think you’re going to have – that you plan for; the one you actually have; and the one you live through once you go back home.”

Highlighted by 3 Kindle users

January 2012 Tarotscopes by Erin Reese

2012-01-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012!

Astrology and tarot are two alchemical magical arts that combine for astounding mystical revelations. Here are your Tarotscopes for January 2012! Be sure to read for your Sun, Moon, and Rising Sign for best results.

If you like the Tarotscopes free service, consider making a donation to keep the site – and your astro-intuitive – happy and motivated! It's a lot of work to prepare these goodies for you, my lovely readers. Even the amount of a cappuccino is super! Click on the ‘donate’ link to the right, or simply click here.

Your feedback is appreciated so I can know how many people enjoy this and whether to keep it up in the future.

Enjoy and many blessings!
Erin

INTEGRATION: King of Pentacles **BONUS CARD FOR EVERYONE!**

This January, we are all called to be philanthropists and supporters. No need to be Bill Gates to show that you care about your community. Treat others and your own body-mind as if we are all royalty. We can afford to be generous with each other, we can share the wealth – it doesn’t have to be about the money. A home-cooked meal, a hug, a phone call, a place to sleep for the night… there are so many little ways to take care of folks. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and so while we’re in the material world, let’s make the most of it and be generous and benevolent leaders this month.

For a close-up of the card images, be sure to watch the little video here!

Aries: Ace of Pentacles

cha-CHING! That’s the sound of your cosmic cash register, Aries! Get your financial ducks in a row, lively Ram! Do not wait: January is your month to hit the ground running in business and money affairs. New business is likely to come your way: a new project, a work opportunity, a solid investment, a foundational idea. More than any other sign, Aries, you love to rush in. So say YES when opportunity knocks. It’s a new material beginning.

Taurus: Ten of Wands

You’re almost there, sweet Bull! That l-o-o-o-ng project you’ve been working on forever is about to come to a grand finish. A big deal that you’ve been trudging along with for about nine months to one year is about complete! Don’t stop now. It’s very important that you stay the course. You’re almost at the peak of the mountain! Be sure to delegate little tasks and details now so you can focus on the MOST important aspects of your vision. Keep it close at heart. Tenacity is your middle name. I’ve no doubt you’ll persevere to a successful finish.

Gemini: Nine of Wands

If you’re feeling a bit discouraged as the New Year kicks off, Gem, don’t despair. It’s a temporary thing. Perhaps your career or life vision needs a little more self-love and attention. Take care of your grander visions and step back from the grueling details. Self-care can be tough for you as you’re always running around, so incredibly busy and multitasking. You love to do 18 million things at once and can easily forget that Health is Wealth! Stop letting little things and annoyances suck you dry. Take a stand for that which is most important in your life: your own heart and well-being. If you’re feeling beat up by life, it’s OK to step out of the ring for a while to regroup. No one says you have to get it ALL done in one day, dear Twin.

Cancer: Nine of Pentacles

Home is where your heart is, dear Crab. You’re feeling fine, getting reconnected to your home base. You need a cozy nook to make fabulous comfort food and a hearth that nourishes your soul. You also need regular doses of nature, art, and the garden. Yes, you’re one of the most sensitive signs of the Zodiac, Cancer, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strong! You get double strength and footing this January by investing in your home. Spruce up your space and make your nest luxurious enough to relax in, anytime of day or night.

Leo: Knight of Wands

Consider January to be the kickoff of a year of adventure and fresh horizons, lovely Lion. Sometimes, you get grumpy or complacent, especially when you’ve hidden away in your den or cubicle too much. It’s now time to get back on the horse and out in the zip of life. Don’t forget that life is a spectacular funhouse. So put on the Ritz, take the leap, and dive full on into your magic kingdom or queendom. You have the courage, so put ‘em up, put ‘em up!

Virgo: Seven of Swords

You need some alone time to regroup, Virgo. It’s okay to step away from community and interactive busy-ness now and again. If you’ve been feeling gobbled up by doing this and doing that, book a few days or even a week in your planner to focus on YOU. Maybe you need to cancel an engagement or a commitment this month. Pare down your calendar and make space to organize your own life and deepest personal calling. Even if others squawk, they’ll live.

Libra: Four of Wands

Celebrate life and emerge victorious this month, dear Libra! You are a natural social phenomenon. Don’t forget: that is one of your best traits. Playing host and hostess and laying on the charm, chatting people up, looking good and making others feel fine – these are your gifts. Use this approach to achieve your goals this January. Consider having an open house at the home or office to boost sales and expand your network. Just because the holidays are over doesn’t mean people don’t appreciate a good time and good cheer. Turn on that smile magnet. It will pay off!

Scorpio: Ten of Cups

Reconnect to your family this month, Scorp. What many folks don’t know about you is that you are deeply sentimental underneath it all. People, pastimes, loyalty and emotional ties are super meaningful to you. It’s time for you to put a little reinvestment into your loved ones this January. Let others show their love for you and vice versa. Get a little closer to your dearest ones and enjoy the rewards of real intimacy. Have some tender moments.

Sagittarius: The Lovers

Ooh, la la! Have you been feeling a bit more amorous than usual lately, Sag? Or do you have an itch to partner up? This is a good month to make a move in that direction. Let the universe know you’re sincere about it. Dating sites could be fun, and meeting with real humans for contact and connection is even better. Keep your sense of fab humor about it all, boisterous Archer – it’s one of your best traits. Sag, you know how to have a ball – so bring in a tango partner this month!

Capricorn: Queen of Swords

We all know you like to be the boss, the responsible one. Are you making yourself clear and standing up for yourself in a no-nonsense fashion, Cappy? Don’t shy away from speaking the necessary truths. Passive aggression is not becoming to you, so be careful not to let that sneak in. Try the mature approach. If you need to fine tune your professional communication skills, especially with regard to getting along with others, now is the time to step up to the plate.

Aquarius: Five of Cups

Oh, Aquarius – you’ve got the Five of Cups again this January. Don’t despair! There is something you are still in the process of letting go, that’s all. Don’t ever forget that little deaths and endings are a part of life. Your birthday time is almost here – from January 20 – so shine your little heart light of faith that whatever you’re working through is about preparing the ground for your real new birthday beginning. Remember to make a gratitude list: try listing at least ten things that you are grateful for. Keep it in perspective.

Pisces: Knight of Swords

Get a move on, Fish! You’re raring to start the new year and it doesn’t really matter what action you take: just do it! You will be invigorated by trying anything, really. Speak up, speak out, and charge ahead. Don’t hold back, and don’t give a hoot about doing anything perfectly either. Haven’t you heard that perfection is the enemy of the good? It’s also the enemy of creativity. The important thing now is to get the show on the road. Onward!

Becoming Spirit: Insights (Part 5 of 5)

2011-12-21T01:41:00.000-08:00

This post is the final in a five-part transpersonal theory series on "Becoming Spirit" via spiritual unfolding and Vipassana meditation practice, originally presented in 2004 at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. ~ ER

Conclusion: Review and Insights

To review: the first two stages of spiritual
unfolding – belief and faith – are certainly the most common stages of people on a spiritual journey. Next we have stage three, with rare peak experiences, and a tiny sliver of the population of those on a path who actually maintain plateau experiences through diligent practice. The fourth stage, that of permanent adaptation, or becoming spirit, seems reserved for those few who carry their practice into their daily lives in the most transpersonal, all-pervasive manner. As Sri Lankan Theravadan monk, the Venerable Henepola Gunaratana says, “The most important moment in meditation is the instant you leave the cushion.”

In Becoming Spirit, we must equip ourselves with the tools (such as Vipassana or other consistent, effective, transformative meditation practice) to move beyond the glitzy spiritual beliefs, the personas, the fabulous peak experiences that we can tell all our friends about at the next cocktail party or Tantra workshop. We must be willing to endure – even when the practice is dry or dull, frustrating or inconvenient. I must remember that I have started that journey of a thousand miles, and that “the purpose is nothing less than radical and permanent transformation” (Guaranata, p. 171).

I can still hear the words of my Vipassana meditation teacher ringing in my ears, words that penetrated my psyche to the core as I sat in ten-day silent retreat, and as the knee pain only known to those sitting for ten days straight burned through my being: “Patiently and persistently, just observe, just observe. Be very aware, very vigilant.” These are simple, potent, transformative words – encouraging me to keep going when my faith wavers, to remind me that I am passing through this impermanent experience, trudging the road of permanent adaptation of this equanimity, of this liberation – of becoming spirit.

Clay figure, Hyderabad, India

Works cited in this series of posts:

Dhammadaro, A. L. (1998). Inner strength: sixteen talks Translated from the Thai by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Valley Center, CA: Metta Forest Monastary.

Smith, H. (1991). The world’s religions: completely revised and updated edition of The religions of man. San Francisco: Harper.

Tendzin, O. (1982). Buddha in the palm of your hand. Boulder, CO: Shambala Publications, Inc.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting through spiritual materialism. Berkeley, CA: Shambala.

Wilber, K. (1997). A spirituality that transforms. What is Enlightenment magazine, 12.

Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the personal journals of Ken Wilber. Boston, MA. Shambala.

This paper dedicated with metta to S.N. Goenka, Vipassana insight meditation teacher.

Becoming Spirit: Spiritual Unfolding (Part 4 of 5)

2011-12-20T08:06:00.000-08:00

This post is fourth in a five-part transpersonal theory series on spiritual unfolding and Vipassana meditation practice, originally presented in 2004 at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Read Part One: Introduction and Part Two: Vipassana and Part Three: Spiritual Materialism and Transformation first, if you like. Enjoy! ~ ER

~ PART FOUR ~

Wilber’s Four Stages of Spiritual Unfolding

Discussion of the trappings of the spiritual ego lead us to now examine Vipassana meditation as it relates to Wilber’s four stages of spiritual unfolding – belief, faith, direct experience, and, finally, permanent adaptation. The first – and most common – stage, belief, is a stronghold of the ego. Beliefs originate at the mental level, and are “usually accompanied by strong emotional sentiments or feelings; but they are not necessarily direct experiences of supramental spiritual realities” (Wilber, 1999, p. 313).”

It is easy to believe in a spiritual precept or concept, but it doesn’t even come close to actually transforming. Beliefs “are merely forms of translation: they can be embraced without changing one’s present level of consciousness in the least” (Wilber, 1999, p. 313).” And then, something else begins stirring inside of us… Faith.

Faith, stage two of spiritual unfolding, is what blossoms when belief loses its power to compel. Beliefs eventually lose their forcefulness. As Wilber explains, “Mere belief may have provided you with a type of translative meaning, but not with an actual transformation, and this slowly, painfully, becomes obvious” (Wilber, 1999, p. 313-14). Because of the block of the ego, our intuition cannot be fully realized when our beliefs grip consciousness, for all beliefs are ultimately divisive and dualistic.

To me, faith is what develops when, through exposure to a practice or by encountering another transformative spiritual window of opportunity – which I call a moment of “grace”– we realize that our belief systems are outdated and we reach for something more. This “something more” pulls us toward itself like a magnet. In Buddhist terms, we decide to turn to a way out because “we see the reality of impermanence, egolessness, and suffering, we get fed up and disgusted with repeating the same pain over and over again. This is a very positive step… Therefore, we feel we must find a way out of our confusion” (Tendzin, 1982, p. 12). In essence this is where some sort of commitment to path comes into play. Taking refuge in the Triple Gem of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha can be considered a form of faith: “We acknowledge that the dharma is our basic guideline, our only reference point in working with everything we encounter in our life: our thought processes, emotions, bodily sensations, relationships, and so on” (Tendzin, 1982, p. 24).

Even though the stage of faith is somewhat of a spiritual “halfway house” on the road to total spiritual transformation and becoming spirit, it is a critical developmental stage. In my own experience, I have relied on faith when I could not see a clear path in front of me. I have had to “act as if.” The faith stage is a bridge to true transformation, and must not be overlooked. Faith provides a natural progression, as innate as DNA in pulling a spiritual practitioner toward realization. Faith possesses a “dogged determination to find its spiritual abode," (Wilber, 1999, p. 314), and opens the door to the third stage of direct experience.

The third stage of spiritual unfolding, “direct experience of spirit,” can be divided into two territories: peak experiences and plateau experiences. Certainly, it is the allure of peak experiences that have drawn many sincere spiritual seekers, perhaps even myself, to become dedicated spiritual practitioners. Wilber cleverly points out the pun: “peak experiences,” which are usually brief, are frequently life-changing “peek experiences,” offering a glimpse “into the transpersonal, supramental levels of one’s own higher potentials” (Wilber, 1999, p. 314).” He asserts that, “Occasionally… individuals will have a strong peak experience of a genuinely transpersonal realm, and it completely shatters them, often for the better, sometimes for the worse. But you can tell they aren’t merely repeating a belief they read in a book, or giving merely translative chitchat: they have truly seen a higher realm, and they are never quite the same” (Wilber, 1999, p. 315).

In my own meditation practice, I have had such “peek experiences” on an incredibly rare basis when “I” have left my body, looking down at myself, connected by an invisible thread to some grounded core. Such moments have been intense and awe-inspiring, encouraging me to continue on the slow, grueling practice days and months, which are the norm. It’s as if Spirit has given me a preview of some cosmic, far out bliss – just a nibble – and keeps the carrot dangling in front of me. Of course, as any basic Buddhist practitioner must learn, I have to immediately let go of expectations of reaching the impermanent, transpersonal state I have just been privy to, remembering the principle of “right effort,” which keeps me on the path, equanimous and unattached.

While peak experiences are enticing and often awe-inspiring, the REAL work in the third stage of spiritual unfolding begins with “plateau experiences.” Plateau experiences are more constant and enduring than peak experiences, “verging on becoming a permanent adaptation” (Wilber, 1999, p. 315). The bottom line is that to sustain a peak, or “peek” experience into a more enduring trait, prolonged practice is required. It’s as if we come to understand that “faith without works is dead” (James 2:14-26). In other words, we realize that in order to make any further progress, we have got to get serious about this business of practice. To me, this is clearly what separates the women from the girls and the men from the boys when it comes to walking – and living – on a genuine spiritual path.

I would be dishonest if I portended to be even one millimeter along this path, as spotty as my own meditation has been over the past three years. Perhaps, however, the clincher is: I have begun, and, as Lao Tzu taught, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Wilber also holds that the most important thing is to simply begin practice, to the best of our abilities.

Moving into the fourth stage of spiritual unfolding, we enter the realm of becoming spirit, or permanent adaptation. Adaptation is a “constant, permanent access to a given level of consciousness” (Wilber, 1999, p. 317). How do we get to these higher, transpersonal realms on a permanent basis? The answer, just like all extraordinary feats, is practice. It’s like the story of the man who pulled his taxicab over in New York City to stop a man for directions to Carnegie Hall. He noticed the man was carrying a violin case, so thought for sure he would know the answer. “Excuse me, sir, how do you get to Carnegie Hall?” The musician looked up at him from his brisk walk and replied, “Practice, practice, practice!”

Whether we’re discussing performing at the grandest symphony or reaching permanent adaptation of spiritual states, the answer is practice. Once we’ve accepted and embraced this fact, our practice can provide us with the skills that truly carry over into the rest of our lives. Our whole “experiential existence,” or state of being, becomes the game in which those basic skills are to be applied (Gunaratana, 1982).

In my efforts to notice how Vipassana practice seeps its way into my daily life, I have caught myself having a “permanent adaptation” state from time to time. For example, I have been acutely aware of meditating while in a lucid dreaming state – not entirely sure whether I was awake and meditating, or if I was dreaming that I was meditating. (Regardless, it was a real validation that my practice was deepening tremendously.) In fact, Wilber asserts that we have reached the stage of adaptation when we have such constant consciousness through all three states of waking, dreaming, and sleeping. You know you have become spirit “when you rest as pure, empty, formless Consciousness and ‘watch’ all three states arise, abide and pass, while you remain Unmoved, Unchanged, Unborn, and released into the pure Emptiness that is all Form, the One Taste that is the radiant All” (Wilber, 1999, p. 319).

Perhaps a simpler, more mundane example of “becoming spirit” as a permanent adaptation is when I am driving down the road, stuck in a horrific traffic jam, and suddenly become aware that I’m observing my breath and feeling the sensation it leaves as it moves in and out of my nostrils. I’ve been meditating unconsciously – or ultraconsciously as it were – being as non-reactive to the potentially stressful state of affairs as possible, and I wasn’t even on the meditation cushion. It was a rare moment of “spiritual soaring,” or becoming spirit. Huston Smith points out that right mindfulness “summons the seeker to steady awareness of every action that is taken.” A basic tenet of Vipassana, or insight meditation, that carries over into a more permanent adaptation, as I’ve described it here, is thus: “We should witness all things non-reactively,” and “keep the mind in control of the senses and impulses, rather than being driven by them” (Smith, 1991, p. 110).

On a subtler level, I have noticed how this fourth stage of spiritual unfolding, that of permanent adaptation or “becoming spirit,” penetrates my life and my relationships. As Tendzin (1982) reminds us, we cannot exclude the non-spiritual from our life, and nonduality includes the “postmeditation” day-to-day living. For me, this primarily means “sitting” with decisions, with emotions, with reactions to people, places, and things – observing and being aware, until some form of (usually) spontaneous insight arises through the practice of Vipassana. “Becoming spirit” and pure Consciousness also corresponds to the state of pure freedom, of liberation, that is a true aim of Buddhist practice. Huston Smith (1991, p. 119), in his usual ingenious manner, wraps it up simply: “If increased freedom brings increased being, total freedom should be being itself.”

(CONTINUED.)

Works cited in this series of posts:

Dhammadaro, A. L. (1998). Inner strength: sixteen talks Translated from the Thai by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Valley Center, CA: Metta Forest Monastary.

Smith, H. (1991). The world’s religions: completely revised and updated edition of The religions of man. San Francisco: Harper.

Tendzin, O. (1982). Buddha in the palm of your hand. Boulder, CO: Shambala Publications, Inc.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting through spiritual materialism. Berkeley, CA: Shambala.

Wilber, K. (1997). A spirituality that transforms. What is Enlightenment magazine, 12.

Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the personal journals of Ken Wilber. Boston, MA. Shambala.

Becoming Spirit: Spiritual Materialism and Transformation (Part 3 of 5)

2011-12-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

This post is third in a five-part transpersonal theory series on spiritual unfolding and Vipassana meditation practice, originally presented in 2004 at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Read Part One: Introduction and Part Two: Vipassana first, if you like. Enjoy! ~ ER

~ PART THREE ~

Spiritual Materialism, Transformation, and Vipassana

As Osel Tendzin, teacher of the Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche lineage, puts it so bluntly, “We look for a path, a teaching that is not based on accumulating further neurosis and confusion” (Tendzin, 1982, p. 32). Vipassana, or 'insight meditation,' fits the bill.

Spiritual Materialism

It bears mentioning that Vajrayana master Trungpa himself states, in discussing the trap of spiritual materialism, that the “simplicity of meditation means just experiencing the ape instinct of ego. If anything more than this is laid onto our psychology, then it becomes a very heavy, thick mask, a suit of armor” (Trungpa, 1973). In contrast, repeated experimentation with the spiritual marketplace – again and again seeking “yet another technique” – would represent the empty trappings of ego, a seed of spiritual materialism with all its pitfalls. As Trungpa warns, “If we do not step out of spiritual materialism, if we in fact practice it, then we may eventually find ourselves possessed of a huge collection of spiritual paths.” He goes further to explain that, having accumulated a huge hoard of knowledge, there is still something to give up: “Our vast collections of knowledge and experience are just part of the ego’s display, part of the grandiose quality of ego. We display them to the world, and, in so doing, reassure ourselves that we exist, safe, and secure, as ‘spiritual’ people” (Trungpa, 1973).

Translation v. Transformation

Trungpa’s cautionary teachings on spiritual materialism coincide with Ken Wilber’s important delineation between translation and transformation. Translation can be defined as the way of spiritual practices and/or religions as a way to create meaning. In contrast, transformation, which a very, very small minority actually undertakes, transcends the self and facilitates true liberation. Here is the quote that made me a Wilber-lover: “For authentic transformation is not a matter of belief but of the death of the believer; not a matter of translating the world; not a matter of finding solace but of finding infinity on the other side of death. The self is not made content; the self is made toast” (Wilber, 1997, emphasis added).

In his delineation of translation and transformation, Wilber explains, “If translation is too quickly, or too abruptly, or too ineptly taken away from an individual (or a culture), the result…is not breakthrough but breakdown, not release but collapse.” He gives the example that we must introduce “lesser” practices that lead up to the radical and ultimate “no practice.” As Wilber reminds us – in the words of Chogyam Trungpa – “There is only Ati,” (i.e. Spirit, God, nondual Consciousness) but “there is a need to introduce and translate lesser practices in order to prepare people for the obviousness of what is” (Wilber, 1997).

To me, this conveys the importance of embracing the practices of the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path (right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration) as one way to bridge the gap to transformation. Ultimately, these practices – including insight meditation as “right concentration” – lead to the “’no practice’ of always-ready Ati,” as Wilber puts it. Achaan Lee Dhammadharo, a Buddhist monk from the Thai Forest lineage, explains it as such: “Right views and wrong views are an affair of the world. Nibbana [Nirvana] doesn't have any right views or wrong views. For this reason, whatever is a wrong view, we should abandon. Whatever is a right view, we should develop -- until the day it can fall from our grasp. That's when we can be at our ease” (Dhammadharo, 1998). Clearly, this exemplifies translation falling away, ultimately into transformation and “no practice.”

(CONTINUED here.)

Works cited in this series of posts:

Dhammadaro, A. L. (1998). Inner strength: sixteen talks Translated from the Thai by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Valley Center, CA: Metta Forest Monastary.

Smith, H. (1991). The world’s religions: completely revised and updated edition of The religions of man. San Francisco: Harper.

Tendzin, O. (1982). Buddha in the palm of your hand. Boulder, CO: Shambala Publications, Inc.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting through spiritual materialism. Berkeley, CA: Shambala.

Wilber, K. (1997). A spirituality that transforms. What is Enlightenment magazine, 12.

Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the personal journals of Ken Wilber. Boston, MA. Shambala.

Becoming Spirit: Vipassana (Part 2 of 5)

2011-12-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

Friends: This is a 5-part transpersonal theory series on spiritual unfolding and personal practice. I presented this paper at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in 2004. Before continuing, you may wish to read Part One (Introduction) here first. ~ ER

~ BECOMING SPIRIT: PART TWO ~

Vipassana Meditation and Personal Practice

Before examining the question, “What is Vipassana?” it is important to note what attracted me to Buddhism in the first place. Perhaps most significant, in the words of the Buddha himself, is the message“be a lamp unto oneself” – not taking any one person’s word for it at face value, and investigate thoroughly. Put simply, to practice Buddhism is to practice being awake.

As Huston Smith points out so eloquently, the Buddha taught that “on every question, personal experience was the final test of truth. ‘Do not go by reasoning; nor by inferring; nor by argument.’ A true disciple must ‘know for himself.’” (Smith, 1991, p. 98) For myself, after two decades of New Age-type experiences ranging from zowie-wowie crystal healers to blue-green algae zealots, Wiccan Beltane ceremonies, and “the little people living inside Mount Shasta,” it was time to “get real,” and awaken to my own truth.

Vipassana – called Lhakthong in Tibetan and Vipashyana in Sanskrit (Tendzin, 1982) – is, put in its simplest terms, the insight meditation practice which is the foundation of Theravada Buddhism. Theravada is known as “the Way of the Ancients” or “the Way of the Elders.” Theravadan Buddhism is differentiated from Mahayana or Vajrayana (Tibetan) Buddhism in that the concentration is on wisdom rather than compassion (Smith, 1991). Compassion, metta, or loving-kindness is seen as a result of Vipassana mindfulness meditation practice, rather than the other way around.

In my own practice, I have stayed with Theravada and Vipassana meditation because of its minimalist approach. At this point in my journey, “less is more.” At the core of Vipassana is mindfulness – “paying attention to the details of our experience.” (Tendzin, p. 32). We become mindful of the breath without trying to change it, just as we become mindful of the gaps between exhaling and inhaling. In my own meditation tradition, taught by S.N. Goenka of the U Ba Khin Burmese lineage, we expand this observation to include vigilant awareness of bodily sensations. The practice is simple, portable, and effective. Maintaining equanimity and balance of the mind, we become increasingly non-reactive to our tendencies of avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure.

(CONTINUED here.)

Works cited in this series of posts:

Dhammadaro, A. L. (1998). Inner strength: sixteen talks Translated from the Thai by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Valley Center, CA: Metta Forest Monastary.

Smith, H. (1991). The world’s religions: completely revised and updated edition of The religions of man. San Francisco: Harper.

Tendzin, O. (1982). Buddha in the palm of your hand. Boulder, CO: Shambala Publications, Inc.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting through spiritual materialism. Berkeley, CA: Shambala.

Wilber, K. (1997). A spirituality that transforms. What is Enlightenment magazine, 12.

Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the personal journals of Ken Wilber. Boston, MA. Shambala.

Becoming Spirit: Introduction (Part 1 of 5)

2011-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Friends,
Seven years ago, I presented this paper, "Becoming Spirit: Ken Wilber's Four Stages of Spiritual Unfolding and a Personal Exploration of Vipassana Meditation," at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. While my perspectives have evolved into a more non-dual approach (four years cooking in India will do that to a body-mind), I recently unearthed this paper and found it to hold several solid principles and guideposts to share. Each of us are at various points in the soul's non-linear unfolding. I've broken the hefty, theoretical paper down into five parts, which I'll be posting daily this week. May it inspire and nourish your spirit. As always, your comments are welcome.
Love,
Erin
P.S. If you like Travel and Soul posts, it's a great time to show it! Click here to make a much-appreciated donation to Erin's website. Thank you!

BECOMING SPIRIT:

Ken Wilber’s Four Stages of Spiritual Unfolding

and a Personal Exploration of Vipassana Meditation

Erin Reese
December 2004
Institute of Transpersonal Psychology

“The most important moment in meditation
is the instant you leave the cushion.”

- Venerable Henepola Gunaratana

~ PART ONE ~
Introduction: Background and Scope

Thud.

I fall back onto the zafu with a mixture of relief and resignation. Okay, okay, I think to myself. I get it – again. No more spiritual “experiences” for the sake of experience. It’s back to the meditation cushion for me. Time to sit. Empty myself. Disidentify. Ah… the sweetest sound I ever heard: silence.

I’d just attempted one more spiritual weekend warrior workshop – this time on Native American Shamanic journeying – with the best of intentions. I’d hoped to be “getting back to my indigenous roots,” broaden my horizons, and – admittedly – surf the waves of altered states through drumming and journeying. Even without a promise of a cosmic peak experience or meeting an animal totem in the underworld, I have to admit that adding yet another feather in my spiritual cap – or tribal headdress, as it were – is not the answer to my personal transformation. I may not get to add another chant or drumbeat to my repertoire, but I happily forego such tools in favor of the sweetest sound I ever heard – silence. What works to truly transform my life – and has worked for the past three years – is the non-flashy, non-sexy, non-distracting practice of Vipassana meditation.

Over the past three years of my – admittedly spotty – experience with meditation, I have practiced getting clear, getting empty and letting go of fantasies of the mind. And yet, here I was being prompted to travel to the lower realms, meet an animal guide and let it speak to me. As the drumming progressed, all I wanted to do was be quiet and observe. I didn’t want to use my will nor my limiting thought processes to manufacture a journey. I had practiced enough mindful awareness to understand that if I have an altered state during meditation, that’s one thing; but to expect it, force it, or manufacture it wasn’t working for me. Staying present – right here, right now – was what truly called out to my soul.

The bottom line is that spiritual experiences in and of themselves have, quite frankly, become empty, even boring, to me. Although this became apparent many years ago, I had to, like the Buddha taught, continue to do more research and affirm the truth for myself. Hardly a quick fix, it’s become increasingly clear that spiritual practice is where the rubber meets the road on the journey to total awareness, or “enlightenment” if you will. Our efforts have got to carry over from the dharma hall into one’s day-to-day “householder” activities. In short, the work has to penetrate and transform our lives.

Ken Wilber is one transpersonal, or integral, theorist who advocates the same, holding that spiritual practice is a main force separating those on a path of spiritual translation to one of spiritual transformation (Wilber, 1997). In addition, a sincere, committed spiritual practitioner must strive to move beyond a flashy collection of experiences that look good and sound even better when we’re talking about them with a captive audience – spiritual materialism, in the words of the renowned “crazy wisdom” Vajrayana Buddhist master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche.

In this paper, I explore how deliberate spiritual practice evolves beyond “just another experience,” so that we embody, and truly become, spirit. I begin by offering a brief overview of Vipassana meditation. Next, I briefly examine Trungpa’s principal of spiritual materialism as it relates to Wilber’s delineation of translation and transformation. Finally, I examine Wilber’s “four stages of spiritual unfolding” as presented in his book One Taste (1997) – belief, faith, experience, and permanent adaptation – with an emphasis on the latter two stages as they relate to Vipassana meditation and my own individual practice.

(CONTINUED here.)

Thailand Sunset

Works cited in this series of posts:

Dhammadaro, A. L. (1998). Inner strength: sixteen talks Translated from the Thai by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Valley Center, CA: Metta Forest Monastary.

Smith, H. (1991). The world’s religions: completely revised and updated edition of The religions of man. San Francisco: Harper.

Tendzin, O. (1982). Buddha in the palm of your hand. Boulder, CO: Shambala Publications, Inc.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting through spiritual materialism. Berkeley, CA: Shambala.

Wilber, K. (1997). A spirituality that transforms. What is Enlightenment magazine, 12.

Wilber, K. (1999). One taste: the personal journals of Ken Wilber. Boston, MA. Shambala.

On Grief, Love, and Loss (Part Four - The Power of Love)

2011-12-02T09:43:00.001-08:00

The Power of Love will take you to the Moon and back. The Power of Love will show you a strength you never knew existed. And the Power of Love is what makes miracles manifest.

This is from November 2009 and is the final in a 4-part series on grief, written in the weeks after my spiritual teacher, Ramesh Balsekar, died. At the time, I was still living in the south of India.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

In the last weeks, I’ve been in a lot of pain – a void – a loss – a transformation. There are a lot of feelings around being alone in this grief. Sometimes anger arises – at no one in particular; it’s just there. I’ve had unexplainable moments of bliss, ecstasy, as well. Whether or not they’re related or not, I don’t know. I just feel really open and raw.

I had to undertake a strict recovery program, which I’m still on. (Note: This means that I had to put myself on a more regular eating and sleeping schedule. Going through intense grief is a transformation that requires a huge amount of energy and is totally disorientating, and eventually calls for an attempt at finding a new rhythm so the body systems don't get totally whacked out, which happened to me anyway.)

I don’t feel ready to socialize much – it’s hard to socialize when you’re unsure if you’re going to cry or blurt anger or get ecstatically high all in the same conversation. Better to be alone… but it does feel like I need my friends to know what I’m dealing with.

On top of the heart-break of death, I also had three severe slips/falls in the month of his death, and I really have had to take extra good care of myself. (It appears that physical accidents occur more regularly to those who are grieving. This could be attributed to not being grounded, the soul wanting to follow the person who has died or left. I wrote a bit on this in Part One - The Guru Dies. It can also be attributed to the body taking on some of the emotional pain through 'accidents.')

Some folks have said, why don’t you talk to your other sangha members (fellow students of my teacher) to share your grief? Well, just because someone was/is a disciple does not mean they are in the same place as me. Maybe they aren’t as sensitive. Maybe they are distracting themselves. One fellow student told me to "just stay really busy," which is good advice, but the Truth is, I need to express myself. Whether anyone listens, or cares, or feels some of the same feelings, doesn’t matter – I just need to give myself the space to grieve and MAYBE I’ll get some comfort or reprieve by releasing it.

While I do spontaneously remember satsangs and moments of laughter, realization, and intensity of my teacher Ramesh in the flesh, the grief is different than merely losing the person...

The grief is also about the passing of a phase of my life – a chapter – in which I was a disciple – a devoted one filled with bhakti – in which I’d flown faster than the speed of light across the world, guided by the power of love and devotion, to express my gratitude and respect to this Master.

A time period where I endured some scary, scary shit in Mumbai to be near him (events surrounding the Bombay terrorist attacks of November 2008). And where I spent one of the hardest travel months of my life in June 2009, with no air-conditioning and the monsoon delayed three weeks. I felt I would explode from shakti and tapas, humidity and tension, but I knew that THIS WAS IT. These were the final days, the final talks with Ramesh, and I was determined to stay…

These memories, and many more, are in me. They are being alchemized, transmuted. They are in my blood, my bones, and more than “spirituality,” “enlightenment,” “realization,” or “advaita” (non-duality), to me, Ramesh, in the end, evoked in me THE POWER OF LOVE.

The Power of Love will take you to the Moon and back. The Power of Love will show you a strength you never knew existed. And the Power of Love is what makes miracles manifest.

The amazing thing about the Power of Love is that it cannot be manufactured. You can’t put it on your credit card. You can’t ‘do’ anything, for Love does it, to and through you.

Thank God for the perfect Guru, the perfect mirror. Thank you for this experience, for this fulfillment of seeking. I trust You, God, that the tears will end in Your time, not ‘mine.’

As the tears barrel down my cheeks…

I LOVE.

HARI OM TAT SAT

December 2011 Tarotscope

2011-11-29T17:07:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!

I've thought about posting a monthly sign-by-sign Tarotscope for a long time. Like peanut butter and jelly, astrology and tarot are two alchemical magical arts that combine for astounding mystical revelations.

Check out your sign and the card chosen for each. Be sure to read for your Sun, Moon, and Rising Sign for best results. Your feedback is appreciated so I can know how many people enjoy this and whether to keep it up in the future.

To receive a personal reading for 2012, click here for details. For general astrology and tarot reading information, see my astro-intuitive page.

Enjoy and many blessings!
Erin

For a close-up of the card images, watch the little video here!

**Bonus card for everyone!**
INTEGRATION: The World
We are the world! We have it all! Total completion and fulfillment. Everything comes together at last this December. It is all understood. We understand what we have been doing in 2011 and why. This is a fine end of a major cycle. Welcome the incoming of 2012 with wonder, awe, and excitement. No fear and dread to be found. Celebrate!

Aries: Six of Swords
This month, you’ll be focused on letting go of a past wound. Perhaps you’ve been going through a hard time, a difficult situation, a physical or mental malady. It could even have been a depression. Now you’re moving to brighter shores. You’re not totally out of the blues yet, but it’s getting easier every moment. A gentle moving on.

Taurus: The Hierophant
Hello, teacher! It’s time to embrace the inner wisdom you carry. Take the opportunity to participate in education this month, whether teaching or learning – it makes no difference if it is formal or informal, spiritual or practical. Say yes to learning and teaching. You are in your element.

Gemini: Two of Swords
Ha! You’ve been spotted getting caught up in that duality again. Don’t get stuck trying to play both sides, Gemini, or no one will ever win. Allow yourself to drop the battle of figuring it all out. In fact, drop the thinking game all together. You’ll be amazed at the freedom you will realize.

Cancer: The Empress
How Divine! Embody the Inner Goddess or God that you are! Enjoy all the abundance and good tidings of the season! If that means time with a lover or other, friends or family, you are the Queen or King Bee on the scene. Enjoy bee-ing and be glorious!

Leo: Three of Wands
You are getting ready to make your big move, regal Lion. You instinctively know that 2012 is YOUR YEAR and you will be in full alignment with the energy of the upcoming Year of the Dragon. Your plans are all laid out and you see clearly the innovative and courageous steps you must take. Vision!

Virgo: Three of Cups
“Eat, drink, and be merry!” This month, that’s you, Jungfrau-Virgo. This is a month for you to kick up your heels and have a good time celebrating. Especially plan a celebratory New Year’s. Come on Virgo, you can let your hair down a little this year. Your friends will love you for it!

Libra: Queen of Pentacles
You will be entertaining in the home this holiday, oh fair Libra. Get a new frock or fancy shirt, make a big pot of something, and enjoy being the queen or king of your own fabulous fortress. You can shine best and look great on your own turf this season.

Scorpio: Three of Swords
It appears you are letting go of something painful this month, Scorpio. It’s okay if you feel a need to cry – we aren’t always meant to be chipper at this time of year. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, remember a loved one or childhood memory. Your heart will open – and therefore, love even more.

Sagittarius: Seven of Cups
Hoowee, Sag, it looks like you’re totally prone to excess this holiday season! Be sure you know your limits and pace yourself with food and drink. That way, you’ll be able to last until New Year’s! Definitely looks like you’ll be enjoying the good life. Remember: all things in moderation, including moderation, indulgent Sagittarius!

Capricorn: Seven of Swords
It looks like you need some time away, Cappy. Even though it may be the start of your birthday season, this December you need some retreat and quiet time away from the hustle and bustle. Maybe you need time away from your job responsibilities. Getting away from it all for just a few days can give you a new perspective. You need it.

Aquarius: Five of Cups
It’s a month for you to feel your losses, your sorrows of letting go of people and times you may long for. Take the time you need to be quiet, go within, and let go. You already know the tides will shift soon, so use this time to feel and heal. You’re on your way! By Solstice time, December 21, the coming of the light will warm your heart anew.

Pisces: Ace of Swords
Tell the truth, fishy Fish! Stand tall in words, voice, pen, and email this month and say what must be said. Decisions are clearly made and boundaries set. You are clear as a bell and have the power to express it. Go, Fish!

On Grief, Love, and Loss (Part Three - Raw Emotion)

2011-11-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

How does grief feel?

Far beyond sadness, far from depression or a general malaise.

Think of words like “wretched.” Wrenching. Tearing. Opening. Wreaking. Wrecking. Racking.

Sobs of sorrow that arise like a tumult of thunder, through the heart.

A small baby in sincere pain – raw, egoless pain – crying for the warmth of its mama’s breast.

Earthquakes. A quivering lower lip.

A cavalcade of tears dripping continuously down the cheeks, in the nose.

A wail. A whole-body shivering with energy, with emotion, with release.

A loss of appetite. A loss of joy. A loss.

Yes, a loss. It is a Death.

Then, there is the anger. Anger arises because there feels to be no tenderness, no understanding, no arms to comfort.

(from November 2009, six weeks after my teacher's death)

Because most people haven't had the experience of having a guru-master in the first place, let alone having one die, people tend to not know how to respond to my grief. I’ve heard some harsh comments through this, for example:

1. “Haven't you had anyone die before?”

Like that would make it easier! The fact is, NO, I’ve never had anyone so close to me die before. And, even if I had lost a sister, a mother, a brother, my father, a child, would that conceivably make it less painful?

2. “You are being selfish for grieving.”

What the...? Selfish because my heart is broken and I’m in pain?

The person said this because, “I should be so happy” for my Teacher going, since we know he was in physical pain, but c'mon here - set aside rationality and let me have my pain! It’s become so clear to me that the tears of the survivors are not about ‘the one who died’ (they surely are fine!). The tears are the human emotion experienced by those who are still living, for their own loss.

It’s just a feeling and I know Time will heal and transform but it does NOT help to minimize it. I loved my teacher and we did have an intense closeness at the end. It wasn’t more close or less close than any other student. That’s each person’s experience. I’m saying I loved him, and, his death is showing me just how deep that love goes.

3. “I don’t want any gurus near me.”

Or, "A guru is for people who need a father figure."

Or, “You don’t need a guru anyway.”

Sheer ignorance. First of all, unless you’ve had a guru relationship, you can’t possibly know, or judge.

4. “Still?” was one person's reaction when I mentioned I was grieving. This was a few weeks after he died.

I know the Guru is within, that the impersonal Guru has entered my heart and it is firmly lodged there, but it doesn’t mean that in this real time experience I don’t have pain of loss to heal from.

5. "He would have been disappointed in you."

Sitting in a cafe, I noticed an Aussie bloke reading a book by my grand-guru, Nisargadatta Maharaj. I saw the book sitting there, and I knew I was risking it by opening my mouth. "Oh, you're reading a book by my teacher's teacher," I said, grasping for a bit of connection.

The guy replied, “Ah Ram Balsekar,” giving Ramesh a nickname.

"Yes, Ramesh was my teacher. I miss him. I’m still integrating his death. I miss him still."

The Aussie replied, “He would have been disappointed in you. He spent his life teaching there is no individual. He would have been disappointed in you because you missed the point."

What a jerk. He has no idea what it means to love.

Screw all the intellectual understanding. I’m still in the body, I’m still human, and even if I know the Truth of impermanence, I am still having a human emotion. Screw your judgment, that I’m attached. Screw all of your concepts.

When my teacher Ramesh was still alive, tears arose when speaking of his own guru, and tears arose upon mention of his own son who passed. “It happened,” Ramesh said.

Even with total understanding of impermanence and no separation, emotions happen.

Emotions arise. Joy arises. Sadness arises. Anger arises.

And grief…

Arises.

Let It Flow.

(Six months later - April 2010)

By the grace of the Guru, I came across the following passage in my teacher's book, It So Happened That… The Unique Teaching of Ramesh S. Balsekar. Exactly what I needed to hear.

Ramesh writes on loss and death:

A friend of mine lost his wife after fifty-five years of marriage. When I went to see him after ten or twelve days, he was again overcome with feelings. And he had the idea that he had the Understanding, that he knew what It was all about. He had been reading books for forty years.

So he told me, ‘All that reading, all that knowledge of forty years was found useless when the chips were down.’ When his wife died he was overcome with grief, and every time someone came to sympathize with him the emotions overwhelmed him again. He said, ‘Now, when you have come, it is still there, after nearly two weeks. And I thought I was a jnani [an enlightened sage]. I thought I had understood.’

At that time to speak to him on this matter would have been to add insult to injury. So I didn’t speak to him then. But when I went home somehow I went straight to my desk and wrote him a longish letter. I concluded by saying, ‘I presume you have read this. Please forgive the impertinence, and just throw it away.’

But I wrote because it was almost compulsive. What I wrote to him was this: ‘Your reaction to the death of your wife was a perfectly normal reaction for the body-mind organism in question. You love your wife; you miss your wife. That’s all there is. So the reaction to the death of your wife is perfectly natural, perfectly spontaneous. What is perhaps wrong is your reaction to that reaction. You are reacting to that reaction saying, ‘I thought I was a jnani and here I am groveling in grief.’ So that reaction is what is incorrect.’ And that reaction really proves that his understanding was not deep enough.

So I wrote and said, ‘If you had not loved your wife as much as you did, then probably her death would not have affected you as much. And then you probably would have thought, “I know what it’s all about. I am a jnani. The death of my wife doesn’t mean so much. I accept it.” But that reaction would not have been because of being a jnani, it would have been because you didn’t love your wife!'

On Grief, Love, and Loss (Part Two - Divorce)

2011-11-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

Friends: This is a multiple-part grief series I wrote two years ago, in November 2009. It was raw, unedited and emotionally messy material I penned in the weeks just after my spiritual teacher died - during a time I felt utterly alone in my grief. I've always wanted to post these, but the time has never been right and I don't know if it ever will be. I'm preparing material right now for my second book (the follow-up to Bindi Girl), in which I'll be delving deeper into my spiritual journey in India. Therefore, I've decided to rework this grief material and post it here first. Also, I never know if my readers may be going through similar passages in life; therefore, I like to share these writings in case they offer insight or inspiration during one's time of need.
Love, Erin

(Continued from On Grief, Love, and Loss: Part One - The Guru Dies)

Grief is a difficult emotion to write about. It seems so much easier to write about love. Even anger, or sadness, seems easier.

I can’t put my ‘thoughts’ together. I keep waiting for the day I wake up, like I used to, and some story or missive or vignette will flow forth and I will know for certain, “This is the entry to share with my friends. This is the piece to post.”

But it’s not happening.

Instead, I feel more constricted and alone in my grief. I know there are a few people who are ready to hear it, who can hold me through the tears. It's just so hard to know how to reach out, and how to receive.

How do I know this is the emotion called grief? How do I know it’s different than mourning, depression, or mere clinging to the past?

It feels different. Grief just feels different. And, I’ve been here before – a few times. I’ve been through something called D-I-V-O-R-C-E, so I know this is a similar emotion.

GRIEF AND DIVORCE

My first marriage was monumental, even though it only lasted seven years. It was the real-ationship and male-female partnership where I’d felt truly my-self, for better or for worse. We were truly friends, and I trusted my husband with full exposure.

When the Tower came crashing down at the end, I knew it was merely Life acting through Death, that we were being sent in separate directions in order to keep growing, evolving… and we could not do it together.

With 100% certainty, I knew it was for the Highest Good of All Concerned for my marriage to end. No matter if it was the right thing: even if you know it's gotta go, it's like losing an arm. Needless to say, it hurts like hell.

It took a good year for the most wrenching, intense waves of grief to quell. I was working a super-intense job at the time, one in which I had to be ‘on’ with a happy face, and it was evenings and weekends that I’d sit on balcony overlooking the San Francisco skyline, slowly puffing one cigarette, feeling the ache of the let-go of my married life, the departure of the dream, the passing of an intense love relationship.

And yet, and still, it hurt like a mother. It hurt so bad I’d cry and cry and cry. I never once “wanted him back.” I did wish for his – and of course, my own – ultimate peace and happiness. I knew the past was the past, and it was clearly over. Sure, nostalgia arose – the missing of joyful times, like cross-country skiing in the winter, breakfast in bed and making love on Sunday mornings, having someone to spoon with. Having someone to sing with, to cook for. Someone to have on your team.

It took about two more years for me to stop wondering how the ex was getting on. Slowly, new life entered the fold. The ex got remarried, rapidly, and had children before I’d even had a proper date, let alone boyfriend steady.

I went off to India, Europe, New York City, grad school, and the cosmos, refilling my coffers with adventure, passion, growth – and, eventually, boyfriends, too.

Slowly, slowly, over the course of the next several years, I forgot about my ex-husband, though I never stopped being grateful for the seven years we shared together.

But I was talking about grief, wasn’t I?

I brought up Le Divorce because it evokes the memory that "I've felt this emotion before," and it's here now again. It is real, and I need to talk about it.

Just Spell My Name Right

2011-11-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

There’s an old saying in politics and entertainment journalism: “I don’t care what the newspapers say about me as long as they spell my name right.” The line has been attributed to dozens of folks, most notably P.T. Barnum as well as other outspoken figures Mae West, Oscar Wilde, and Mark Twain. And now I’m saying it, too.

The gist of the saying is that there is no bad publicity: you know you’re making waves and getting to be well-known in the world when you receive reviews, whether negative or positive. Today, I joined the “just spell my name right” ranks as I just received my first negatively slanted review of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India, which is a top-rated India travel book on Amazon Kindle soon to be released in print.

I’m still human enough to be pleased they emailed me the review directly rather than posting it on Amazon, though it could happen sooner or later. The reviewer was actually quite kind and sensitive toward my feelings (which I find touching) and politely wishes for me to remove certain distasteful chapters. Reflecting now, a book that makes one think – even if it’s unpleasant – must be effective.

(Ed. note - The comments were a letter to me personally, which I removed from this post per reviewer's personal and most polite request.)

Would I change the chapters suggested? Nah. They are part and parcel of Bindi’s unsentimental and often messy journey into the heart – and guts – of India. Not so many solo western women get to travel as the poorer locals do – third class. According to a 2010 Oxford University study, 55% of India’s population lives in poverty. So my reporting, gross and uncomfortable as it may be to read (for a cozy person living in clean hygienic western standards) is accurate. Kudos, Bindi.

I suppose I’ll never be heralded as a squeaky-clean, holier-than-thou spiritual gal. Shucks. I’m a seeker of the roll-up-the-sleeves, rule-breakin’ variety, and I’ll probably never be embraced by the devout as their spokesmodel. Every single morsel of wisdom has come through viscerally experiencing the Divine directly. And sometimes, that means Bindi boldly goes where the average traveler would never normally go.

Don't have a Kindle and want to read Bindi Girl?
Read it on your PC or Mac with the free Kindle Cloud Reader at read.amazon.com.

The Dark Night of the Soul

2011-11-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

This article is lovingly dedicated to those readers who are going through difficult times in the life.

Namaste, Erin

Varanasi on the Ganges

Diwali, October 2009

We’ve heard the proverbial term, ‘dark night of the soul,’ to refer to a particularly painful, seemingly hopeless point in the life – a period where nothing makes sense anymore. When we're in such a state, no matter where we turn, it feels like there is only emptiness. But this isn’t the sort of spacious emptiness or soul “spaciousness” we yearn for and aim for in meditative living. No, it is a deficient emptiness. Even to muster hope feels utterly useless and meaningless.

I’ve experienced my fair share of Dark Nights of the Soul in my life, yet it wasn’t until recently that I learned it is a term first used by 16th-century Christian mystic, Saint John of the Cross. The Dark Night of the Soul has at times been referred to as the Spiritual Emergency or spiritual crisis.

I’m here to remind you of something that you may remember the next time you’re way down in those gloomy depths: Believe it or not, The Dark Night of the Soul is a good thing.

Last spring, while in a spiritual transformation process, I went down to the bottom of my soul in a bucket – numb, uncaring, depressed… a pitch-black venture down into the earth’s molten core of my being - ‘taint pretty in there! It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s necessary.

A dark night of the soul primarily occurs when the old self-image is ready to go. This is the outdated identification of who you think you are – the ego structure. When the self-image becomes calcified in any way, a dark night of the soul comes rumbling in like storm clouds. Of course, there are myriad ways we try to push it away, like distractions and self-medication. But eventually, even those stop working, and we can’t resist. It is not just depression, though it can feel like it, and it is a form of ‘low pressure’ internal meteorology situation.

There is apathy, and a near-suicidal feeling, like “I’m just plain DONE.” It feels like an end of life – and, in effect, it is. There is a sense of “I don’t know what could come next and frankly, I can’t muster any feeling to care.”

A Dark Night of the Soul can last months, years, or even lifetimes. Perhaps the time correlates to the degree of ego identification – how hardened that self-image is. Who you thought you were is dying. It is not your physical body passing away.

One of the most curious appearances of the dark night is when it crops up in otherwise truly positive, ‘spiritual,’ healthy folks. How could this occur? Two reasons: first, the positive, healthy, loving, spiritual emanation has itself become a self-identification (even “nice” personas are eventually painful); second, the soul knows you are ready to enter a dark night experience; the soul is strong, aware, and courageous enough to go through this period of consciousness.

For spiritually inclined people, one of the hardest parts of a dark night is that it seems even God (Consciousness, Spirit, Higher Power, Existence, the Universe) has abandoned us.

EXOSKELETON: THE SELF-IMAGE TRAP

The self-image is an invisible shell that comprises who you think you are…

I had a vivid, wild dream last spring around the time of my dark night of the soul. I dreamt I had an exoskeleton – an external shell that was like a human cage. It was made of metal. It appeared that it would protect the soft underbelly and vulnerable human within, but in reality it was uncomfortable, cramping, cutting, and even biting me with its razor-sharp edges like teeth. It was a violent shell, and I couldn’t move about without harming myself in the process.

When I woke, I knew immediately that it was symbolic of the self-image – the body-life mask we wear to protect ourselves, but is ultimately harmful.

The key with the dark night is to not resist; JUST SAY NO to the glomming self-image that says you need to be pretty and pleasant. Be depressed. Hate everything. Be ugly. Do you need medication? Maybe. Maybe not. You and your health care advisor will decide. Most often, I’d venture to say the answer is NO. You can ‘give in’ to the experience. It’s a death process – a part of you IS dying.

THE DARK NIGHT AND SPIRITUAL AWAKENING

Even in ‘awakened’ people, the dark night process occurs. Eli Jaxon-Bear, a non-dual spiritual teacher whom I respect along with his wife Gangaji, faced a dark night that he calls a "resurrection through hell" upon coming out about an affair (Shift Network webcast, spring 2011). This occurred some twenty years after his primary spiritual awakening. Eli admits that even in being awake, there is still a state – the blissful state – that is also a TEMPORARY place. After coming out honestly about his affair with another woman, the whole façade, the self-image of what it meant to be a ‘Spiritual Teacher’ came crashing down: slander, rejection – all of it flew in through the window. Yes, it was hell. And yes, it passed to reveal a new cycle of spiritual evolution. As many spiritual masters have explained, waking up is just the beginning.

THE GIFTS OF DEPRESSION

Author and Christian mystic Thomas Moore has a great chapter called “The Gifts of Depression” in his book Care of the Soul, in which he states, “…we may have to develop a taste for the depressed mood, a positive respect for its place in the soul’s cycles.”

In 2007, I wrote Mr. Moore directly to thank him for these insights. He in turn replied how perfect it was to hear from me at that exact time because, you guessed it: he was going through dark tunnels himself. One does not simply get a 'degree' of graduating; the transformation goes deeper throughout a spiritual life.

EVOLUTION OF THE SOUL IS NOT LINEAR

The cycle of expansion of consciousness is hardly linear; it is more of a spiral. When we grow higher and brighter, the soul has capacity to plunge into deeper and darker territory. When we go further into dark places, it appears (though there is no guarantee) that a growth spurt of fresh awareness and expansion follows. Expand, contract. Contract, expand. When we plummet to the depths, the place where ‘you’ barely exist at all, it is likely you will emerge with a gift. It is like the Hero’s Journey described by Joseph Campbell in the Power of Myth. There’s a grail in that there murky, monstrous place of meaninglessness.

The last time I went through a dark night, the usual raging flame of awareness became a tiny dot, a wee spark of “I.” It was as if “I” might completely disappear into the inky black void, and yes, it feels like borderline madness.

Luckily I’ve experienced surfing of consciousness, and I know that it is OK to dissolve into the Nothingness that is Everything, to release the illusory separation and settle into EXISTENCE.

Remember:
(1) you’re not alone
(2) you’re not crazy
(3) you are okay
(4) allow it to take as long as it takes

Let me reiterate an important point: resistance is futile. Attempting to do anything to FIX a real dark night of the soul may only make it worse or last longer. See, what you are most likely going to try to do, courtesy of the superego of society’s ‘should’ approach, is attempt to DO something. That very doing-of-something will likely help perpetuate the very ego structure, the self-image that is dying.

Guides, therapists, healers and shamans can be useful at this time. Priests and priestesses, monks and nuns who have the understanding may be able to hold space for the unraveling. Yet, if the counselor or therapist attempts to fix things, sugarcoat, or make you feel better, they probably don’t get it, and they certainly haven’t gone through the eye of the needle themselves. Remember that the best source to ‘hold’ you in this dark place is the very Self.

Erin Reese is an intuitive consultant, astrologer, author, and spiritual counselor. She works with her clients worldwide via Skype, phone and email.

Big Decision On Your Plate? Try This!

2011-10-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

Have a big decision on your plate and have NO IDEA what to choose? Try my favorite "What's Cookin'?" approach - a lot more fun than coin-flippin'!

Now, let's talk about pasta.
Yes, pasta.

Spaghetti. Fettuccine. Vermicelli. Whatever. I don't care if it's Udon.

If you're feeling stuck, stewing and brewing, wondering what you're meant to be doing in this great big crucible of life, perhaps it's time to let out your inner Italian mama.

Q: When you're cooking spaghetti, how do you know when the noodles are ready?
A: Hmmm...ummm... I dunno. Throw it against the wall, and see if it sticks?!?

Ding, ding, ding! Right answer!

If you're stirring in the proverbial pot of decision-making, churning this way and that, throw some spaghetti against the wall and SEE WHAT STICKS.

Whether the question is, "Should I move to New York or stay in San Francisco?" or "Should I take the receptionist job to pay the bills, or chuck it all and hit the road?" or "Should I go back to school or become an entrepreneur?" - the bottom line is, ya gotta get out there and INTERACT with life.

Shoot the resume off to the most unlikely place you've considered. Contact the movers and shakers and ask for the grant funding. Pick up the phone, call the person, and ask 'em out for coffee, for heaven's sake.

Hell, you'll certainly never know until you try. Don't beat your noggin-noodle against the wall; instead, throw that spaghetti-noodle against the wall!

If it doesn't take hold, you're not done boilin' yet, baby. Just keep stirring the pot. Turn up the heat a little. Stay in the alchemy.

Then, try again.

Eventually, something will stick.

Now you're cookin'.

Buon Appetito!

Love,
Mama Celeste

Cash and the Cosmos: Your Astro Guide to Money

2011-09-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

OK, so maybe you can't tell the IRS that you lost your tax records because you're a Pisces...

Where does all your money go, anyway? No other area of modern life causes more stress in than keeping up adequate cash flow. Perhaps you, too, have had sleepless nights, lying awake and wondering, "How can I ever pay off this mounting debt, pay the bills, and make rent, let alone save for retirement?"

Knowing the spending habits of your Sun Sign may not instantly bring a bushel of bucks to your bank account. But a little financial self-awareness goes a long way in increasing your bottom line. Here's what motivates you when it comes to your money.

ASTROLOGER ERIN notes: This is just for fun, folks! Don't forget to read your Rising Sign, and your Moon Sign, too - if you know them. For a fully personalized astrological consultation based on your birth chart, contact me directly.

Aries:
Impulsive, rash, and a bit careless with the cash – that's you, Aries. When you want something, you want it now. If that red Porsche or bungee-jumping seminar appeals to you, you won't bat an eyelash about plunking down the payment. Rein it in just a bit, so you won't see that Visa bill skyrocketing higher than your lofty ambition.

Taurus:
Comfort-loving Taurus, you consistently cultivate cash, so you can lounge about on the weekends. You keep plenty in the coffers for the good life. For entertainment, you track the stock market daily (they don't call a strong Dow average a "bull" market for nothing!). While couch surfing, you watch financial planning gurus on TV, taking notes on mutual funds and retirement strategies.

Gemini:
How many ATM withdrawals did you make this week and fail to get a receipt? You're so busy you forget money exists. Waiters holler after you while you're tearing down the street to your next appointment. Get a little more grounded with your money, Gem. Remember: the bank's not going to buy it when you tell them your evil Twin has been bouncing checks again.

Cancer:
Cautious Crab, you're a whizbang with your wallet and the best saver in the Zodiac! You want to be a stay-at-home mom or dad, so find a partner to work while you're at home with the kids. You love home cooking, and scrimping on the dining out will save some dough. Your spending weak spots: home remodeling, new furnishings, and groovy garden equipment.

Leo:
For you, regal Leo, cash is king. Your sense of entitlement and "I Deserve It All" nature ensure you never miss out on the good life. A jaunt to Paris, a sexy bauble, a bottle of Dom Perignon - nothing is too fine for you, a luxury-lover with champagne taste. Make sure your employer knows you're the master, too, or Mastercard will topple you from your throne.

Virgo:
OK, Virgo, stop worrying whether you'll save another dollar on Post-Its at the warehouse outlet. Surely, you have other details to lose sleep over. You've got your numbers organized to a "T," with years of records on Quicken, backed up on a spreadsheet, and filed away in hard copy, right at your fingertips. A bonus when dining with friends: when the check comes, you'll doubly ensure it's properly divided with tax and tip, to the penny.

Libra:
Fashion tickles your fancy, Libra, and your closet holds more designer pieces than New York's Fashion Week. And, as the Zodiac's socialite extraordinaire, you're known for hosting fabulous, catered parties that your friends rave about for months. You lovely Libras never want your work life to interfere with your social life, so find yourself a nice benefactor so you can spend your days shopping and sampling caviar.

Scorpio:
Just like everything, Scorpio, when it comes to money, your keyword is possession. You control your cash just like your emotions. When you invest, you make sure it's only the best. No cheap, throwaway goodies for you; whatever you buy has quality written all over it. Purchases must be built-to-last and durable, just like you. Watch that your secret sentimental streak doesn't get the best of you when your favorite charity asks you to cough it up. You're a softie under all that toughness.

Sagittarius:
Yes, Sag, we know you must travel. It's not just a luxury for the adventure-loving Archer; it's a necessity. You're happy living off rice and beans so that you can take off and climb Kilimanjaro. Your 401(k) needs a little lift, however, since you've spent the last of it on yet another round-the-world ticket. Get a job that combines your freedom-loving nature with a stable paycheck. Otherwise you'll be stuck surfing the 'Net instead of sailing the seven seas.

Capricorn:
Ambition is your middle name, Cap, and your savings account is likely just as solid as your rung on the corporate ladder. You hold the keys to Fort Knox, you're so darn strict with your cash. But goodness, guarded Goat, will you loosen up on the greenbacks? We know you're saving for the empire you're building, but a little fun and frolic could do you right. Stop and smell the flowers on your way up the mountain - and pick some up on the way home from work, too.

Aquarius:
You navigate your money like you're in outer space. The best bet for you, Aquarius, is to get yourself a financial manager, so you don't have to think about the material realm any more than necessary. You'll whip out your wallet to help a homeless person. Problem is, how to afford it? Come down to earth and give your fellow humans the pleasure of your company, and you might be able to save enough cash to pay the bills.

Pisces:
Pisces, you'd prefer to never have to think about money again. Come on, admit it: you'd rather spend your days meditating, taking a bubble bath, sipping cocktails - all at once. Enjoy now, pay later - that's your financial motto. But even the daydreaming Fish has to wake up and smell the coffee, so keep your day job and save your seashells. Pisces are suckers for new shoes, being ruled by their feet. Put down that extra pair of Manolo Blahniks and walk away.

On Grief, Love and Loss (Part One - The Guru Dies)

2011-09-27T08:32:00.001-07:00

Two years ago today, on September 27, 2009 at 9 a.m. on the ninth day of the Navratri festival of the Goddess, my beloved teacher, guru, and spiritual friend Ramesh Balsekar took mahasamadhi at his home in Bombay. Mahasamadhi is when a realized master finally and intentionally leaves the body to merge with the infinite. Since there is no ego identification, it is said that a sage enters the ultimate (maha) non-dual consciousness (samadhi).

When I got the call, I was an overnight train ride away – working on my Bindi Girl book along the seaside in south India – and knew I couldn’t get north in time for the cremation pyre. When I got the news, my world stopped. There was only silence, and that silence was deafening. Never again would I behold the great spirit and force of Nature that was my guru as embodied Consciousness, in the flesh known as Ramesh.

Even now, two years later, I am only beginning to understand the indescribable union between teacher and student that occurs in a guru-disciple relationship; there is a fusion of hearts and minds that makes it possible for the soul to surrender identification with the ego. It seems to be a combination of the power of defeat and the power of love.

In the days and months that followed my teacher’s passing, my soul experienced an overpowering transformation: intense grief at the loss of a part of my self (like an amputation), combined with a quickening. It was as if this body-mind known as Erin had been placed into a sort of quantum microwave. In a microwave, all the particles are scattered about, vibrating faster than the speed of light, disembodied from the original matter even though things still appear cohesive. Amazingly, such a vibrating mass of consciousness appears to be a whole substance, but there is really only empty space between particles, and empty space within those same particles. Finally, there is only empty space.

And my own ‘empty space’ was getting cooked. My soul wanted to leave the body and dissolve into Consciousness to join my teacher. I couldn’t ground. I fell down a flight of stairs in a monsoon downpour and could have broke my neck. I slipped and smashed my tailbone on a moss-covered bathing platform while stepping into the Ganges to offer flowers during puja. Twice (once in Varanasi and once in Rishikesh) I thought someone dosed me by putting an illicit substance into my chai, I was so high. The phenomenal world grew increasingly permeable and my spirit was lighter than a kite; my soul wanted to fly, far away into another dimension.

The grief rattled me to the core. The hardest part was the fact that hardly anyone could relate or offer meaningful condolences. So-called “spiritual people” would try to tell me I had no reason to be sad, that my guru would always be with me. That didn’t help at all – I was still human, for crying out loud. I still felt feelings! I peered into spiritual texts to see if any sages or students had written or spoke of what happens when a guru dies. I found a couple passages, and I clung to those with all my might: The first was in the classic Autobiography of a Yogi, when Paramhansa Yogananda loses his master, Sri Yukteshwar. He cries the entire river Ganges that he’ll never behold his beloved teacher in person again. The second comfort was the story of Ananda, most devoted servant of the Buddha, who felt his sorrow so deeply the night Gautama the Buddha took mahasamadhi, that he became enlightened through the sheer force of grief piercing his very heart.

A few friends urged me to discuss Ramesh’s death with other disciples, that surely the sangha (spiritual fellowship) would lend support, surely they would understand. I found talking to fellow students, in my case, less than comforting. Whether others were deferring their grief or processing it differently (likely), there seemed to be a rationalizing of the process, such that because one intellectually knows that nothing is born and nothing dies, particularly the mind of an enlightened being, that there should be nothing to cry about.

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

The force of our emotions IS the VERY STUFF OF LIFE, whether grief, joy, ecstasy, laughter, or even anger. My quaking sobs affirmed that I was ALIVE, damn it, I could feel. I have a vital, awakened HEART that can be penetrated and touched, affected to the core.

Intellectualizing or bypassing the emotions, which live in our BODIES where we can FEEL them, is a missed opportunity to experience the rapture of pure existence, which can only be experienced in duality, directly, in the physical body, in the here and now.

It is through our grief that we realize how much we LOVE.

To be continued.

Grin and Bear It

2011-09-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

We never know when we’re going to have a spiritual epiphany. It can happen anytime, anywhere. Take last week, for instance. I got one of those Unmistakable Insights while held hostage for two hours in the dentist’s chair.

If that doesn’t make you already go “Ohhhhhh,” add that it was during a root canal.

Oh, that most fun of procedures. It was my first time. I was quaking with fear. Friends warned me. “You’re going to have your mouth torqued open for two hours straight,” they said. “Like a trapped snake.”

Another well-meaning friend advised me to wear an iPod during the procedure. The music would drown out the horrid drill driving down into my root like a jackhammer from hygiene hell. I thought that sounded like a great idea. Since my iPod is on the fritz, the dentist gave me a radio to listen to. I cranked up the rock and roll station, thinking that the Rolling Stones’ bump ‘n grind should do well to compete with the endodontist’s grinding down through my enamel into my pulpy nerve.

I was quaking in fear when the drill bit started to whirr and chip away. I couldn’t feel anything due to the four shots of novocaine. But it didn’t matter. I wanted to go unconscious. I turned up the music louder.

“YOU’RE GOING TO HEAR A POP,” shouted the surgeon, for he knew I was hard of hearing at that point. “THAT’S THE MOMENT WHEN THE DRILL GOES THROUGH YOUR CROWN.”

Good lord, I cringed. That sounds horrid! What the hell does he mean, a pop?! What if he hits my nerve directly, my raw pulpy nerve that is about to be plucked out for all eternity. It’s gonna be like that movie 127 Hours, when he cuts off his own arm and slices through the nerve. I am going to die.

Observing myself, I realized I was visibly shaking and my knees were practically knocking on the reclined chair. The twanging guitars and frenetic vocals on the radio headset were disorienting. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. As the next buzz and drone of the drill made contact with my sick tooth, I carefully reached up and yanked the earbuds out of my ears.

“Something wrong?” asked the dentist behind his mouth mask. He reminded me of some necessary-evil Doctor Death; I’d never before seen a dentist wearing all-black scrubs. I told myself it was because he was a karate black belt healer, not the grim reaper. Besides, I knew I was in the very best hands, being a reputed professor of dentistry at UCSF.

“No, it’s OK. I don’t need the headphones.” I had suddenly realized that it was a million times better to face one’s root canal directly. With the music spinning through my brain, I couldn’t make heads or tails of the procedure. I realized: I NEED TO BE CONSCIOUS in order to understand what is happening.

Without the music, I could hear the surgeon and his nurse communicating back and forth as they passed their tools, filling material and epoxy to each other. “B17,” the doctor would say, and she’d plop another drill bit on my chest for him to use next. “2BCF,” he’d say, and she’d prepare the next layer of sealant. I was sitting there in the middle of my very own Dental Bingo, and my mouth was the playing card. And I felt so much better.

“Very good,” I heard him say every now and again, when he’d bore deeper into my gums. I paid close attention when those pliers came out and he ripped up that root, albeit slowly and gently. Who’d have thought a nerve would be so damned big and mighty?

All the while, I paid attention, and stopped shivering in fear.

Not only was I being healed, the tooth fairies left an added bonus: The truth of AWARENESS. Awareness and attention reduce 99.9% of the agony. It is far better to be conscious, awake, undistracted when facing a painful procedure or even a terrifying life situation. We instantly become more peaceful when we are present to what is happening. Part of us calms down. We are witness, not victim, to the process. No matter how hellish the scenario, everything is instantly more bearable.

And besides, even with those headphones stuffed in your ears, you can still hear the damn drill.

August 2011 Travel and Soul News

2011-08-04T17:49:00.000-07:00

Europe Tour 2011
Hey world family! I’m heading to London, Berlin, Brussels, and the South of France this August 15 through September 14. If you’re somewhere near these areas, give me a shout. We can have a coffee talk, or set up a reading of Bindi Girl at a yoga studio or bookstore near you! In addition, I’ll be available to give consultations across time zones.

Bindi Girl Gains Momentum!
Thanks to your reviews, Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India is now rated #4 (fourth!) of all top-rated Amazon Kindle books on India! If you’ve read Bindi Girl, please post your “Like” and your review here and receive oodles of good karma.

"Erin Reese goes places, physically and metaphorically, few travelers dare to go. Her stories amuse, outrage, inspire and provoke. This isn't the tale of someone who received a book advance, jetting off business class for a few weeks in an ashram. This is third class train, steerage class ship, with a dash of indulgence thrown in. Reese is a gifted, special writer, and she' s the real deal as a traveler." ~ Lynn Braz, travel writer featured in The Dallas Morning News

Also available on Amazon UK (now with her first review!) and Amazon Germany.

Follow me on Twitter!
@erin_reese
I finally joined Twitter just for the tweet of it. I’ll tweet my Travel and Soul posts, as well as astrological and spiritual insights. Click here to ‘follow me.’

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Happy Summer!

Love,

P.S. If you'd like an astrology or intuitive reading this week or next, let me know soon. This gypsy time traveler is about to hit the road again. . .

Follow That Muse! The Magic of Midnight in Paris

2011-07-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

If you’re a born romantic, or a traveler worth your Samsonite, you’ve got your Paris story in your repertoire. Most everyone who touches down in the City of Light for more than a day or two has been blasted by her mystique in a life-altering sense.

But one doesn’t even need to lay eyes on the Trocadero, La Tour Eiffel or the Louvre to have such a wallop of awakening: magical rabbit holes to our own heart and soul are here, there, and everywhere. We only need to look with a somewhat diffuse, open way of seeing. When the muse comes knocking, we have to take the leap and trust – and leave all cynicism and doubt aside. We are then duly rewarded with inspiration – real soul juice – beyond our wildest dreams.

Woody Allen’s new film, Midnight In Paris, reminds us of the portals in time and space, and in our own imaginations, that are there for us to walk through… if we just say yes.

Quelle coincidence I found myself watching Mr. Allen’s Midnight on Bastille Day itself, in my favorite old-fashioned theater in San Francisco, the legendary Balboa. It happened also to be the Full Moon in Capricorn, the Sea Goat being a great lover of all things traditional and lasting. Woody’s love letter to Paris relies less on sexual and relationship tension and neurosis, than his typical fare. This film is an uplifting homage to all that is beautiful and meaningful – that which LIVES ON – from the past’s Golden Ages, namely ART, MUSIC, AND LITERATURE – three muses that keep us going when the world becomes drab and dull, bleak and isolating.

Halfway through Midnight, I felt the spirit of La Bohème pulsing through my veins stronger than ever, an affirmation that I was on my way to my own enchanted island of creative inspiration – that intoxicating knowing that nothing could ever keep me from expressing my true self. As long as my body remains strong enough to move and groove, and the mind spry enough to quibble and scribble, I am pretty damned sure I’m going to remain fused with the muse: the art of writing, performance, music, film, and whatever else airs on my personal self-expression channel.

Perhaps it is true that artistes are born, not made. Yes, in one sense, we don’t get to choose the muse; the muse chooses us. However, we all have” inklings,” don’t we? We can all surf the waves of inspiration and make our very lives into art. Our approaches to this world can change in an instant, quick like a bunny. Opening oneself TOTALLY and completely to Life As Art is a risky business, indeed.

If you're an aspiring artist, a patron, or a casual admirer, keep in mind that it takes a highly sensitive soul to bring words, scores, images from the beyond – the superconscious – to planet earth - which is why having a muse is so comforting. It is a constant dance, a romance with that unseen – to be able to focus totally and listen to the muse and heed her coaxing. Without realizing it, we often make ourselves unavailable by shutting down or ignoring her prompts. Still, we must try, for it is our art that gives us real nourishment and feeds our souls completely. It is true alchemy to create exquisiteness. The care and feeding of a true artist-muse relationship is like the life of a hothouse orchid at times: it takes a delicate balance of food, light, water, temperature – and L O V E . . .

But oh, how grand it is when we’ve aligned ourselves with our muse! It could be the Winged Glory, the exterior of the Pompidou, or an accordion-playing busker near Montmartre that brings you to tears and drops you to your knees in humility. Even if you never leave your hometown, no matter: We all have a “Paris” in our souls. Whether an actual place, or an imagined scene in time and space, our portals to the fantastic are those truly unique circumstances that make you swoon and sends your heArt straight to the Moon.

Because when all is said and done, it is art that makes life worth living. We are born to create.

Our muses are not only friends on our paths; they are the very lifelines to our soul. I laud Mr. Allen for reminding us to trust, to hang on with all our might and never let go. Chapeaux!

In celebration of artists and their muses!

Erin

P.S. If you're headed to Paris, I recommend Rick Steve's Paris guidebook for lovely tips and suggestions. Be forewarned: you may never want to come home again...

Erin's Top India Film Picks: Part One

2011-07-14T07:11:00.000-07:00

You can take a Bindi Girl out of Indyah, but you can never take India out of the Bindi Girl!

True love for the spicy subcontinent never dies - even if you're saturated after four years in the masala.

Today's post shares five of my favorite India-themed movies - with some real oddball picks! (This will be a multi-part post, since there are so many to share!)

In no particular order...

1. Outsourced (2006)
Sweet, sweet, sweet with just the right amount of sugar in the chai. A Seattle guy gets shipped off to a village in Maharashtra, a few hours outside of Mumbai, to set up a call center. This heartwarming flick does a great job of portraying the cliches of typical India, without going over the top. It's mightily accurate and doesn't try to be anything than what it is: quirky and beautiful, just like India. The main character, Todd (whom the Indians call Mr. Toad) falls in love with bindis, too!

Josh Hamilton and Ayesha Dharker are sheer naturals without a trace of overacting.

2. Monsoon Wedding (2001)
Ooh, la-la. This visual fest by filmmaker Mira Nair captured my heart in a big way. It was Monsoon Wedding that put me over the top, watching it in an art-house cinema in Berlin, I fell deeply in love with the colors, the music, the madness of India. Mira Nair's films are known for incorporating controversial social topics in a way that keeps you in contact with the beauty and soul. The soundtrack is unbeatable and the best is "Aaj Mera Jee Karda" (Today My Heart Desires) by Mychael Danna, sung by Sukhwinder Singh. Listen and enjoy here.

3. The Namesake (2006)
Based on the novel by Jhumpa Lahiri, here's another Mira Nair splendor. From the beginning train journey scene, in which the main character (Irrfan Khan - a intellectually-sexy favorite Indian actor who also stars in Slumdog Millionaire) loses everything save for the drive to start anew in New York City, we are glued to the screen with our very souls. The back and forth transition between traditional Bengali life in Calcutta (Kolkata) and adjusting to the ways of the modern world is poignant and heart-wrenching. I'm getting choked up just writing about it. Gulp.

4. Bride and Prejudice (2004)
For the sheer fun of a crossover between Bollywood and Hollywood - and the gorgeous Aishwarya Rai - former Miss World and the indisputed queen of Bollywood. Of course, other princesses have already come and gone, but nothing can take your eyes off of 'Ash' once you've fallen under her Bolly-Barbie spell. Part screwball comedy, part Grease musical ("No Life, Without Wife"), Bride and Prejudice is a good time all around.

5. Erin Reese's YouTube Channel (2002-2011)
*Just-for-fun Amateur Pick!*
The making of mini-movies around the globe has opened my heart and mind, and India gives me inspiration no end. From sunrise yoga to Varanasi rickshaws, the wild east Orissan seaside to the promenades of Mumbai, this novice filmmaker professes no technical expertise, just a whole lotta love, light, sound, and spice - it's travel and soul.

Coming Soon: Darjeeling Limited, Mississippi Masala, Slumdog, and much more!

Bindi's Top-Rated!

2011-07-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

Erin Reese 'gets' the spirit of India.
In reading her adventures, I could almost hear the crowds and smell the curry.
But more than that, I felt blessed by the soulfulness of half-a-dozen millennia.
Erin was born to be in India - and to write this book.

~ Victoria Moran, author of Creating a Charmed Life

Hello travelers!

Thank you to everyone who has already purchased and read my new eBook, Bindi Girl: Diving Deep Into the Heart of India. I'm so excited to see Bindi climbing the ranks, rated #6 of all top-rated India books in Amazon's Kindle Store!

#6 Top Rated in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Travel > Asia > India

If you haven't already added your own review, please do! Your reactions help publishers and booksellers to take notice. Thank you!

You may also enjoy listening to the podcast of my recent radio appearance on San Francisco's WholeBody Talk with interviewer Polina Smith, in which I discuss India, Bindi, and astrology - and a bit about how I came to be the eclectic character I am today. If you missed the podcast, click here for listening information.

Happy travels, happy reading!

Love,

Erin

p.s. Bindi is also available on Amazon UK and Amazon DE. If you're from the UK, be the first to leave a review! Seien Sie der Erste, der einen deutschen Bewertung abzugeben!

Listen to Erin's interview on WholeBody Talk Radio!

2011-06-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

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Options:

1. Click (and click again to play) on the above icon to listen now.

2. Right click here and 'Save As' to download as mp3 and listen later.

3. For podcast, click here to play now or download to iTunes.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wholebody-talk/id429136453

In this episode of WholeBody Talk, host Polina Smith spoke with Erin Reese – Astrologer, Intuitive Consultant and Author of the new spiritual-adventure travel book Bindi Girl: Diving Deep into the Heart of India!

Erin Reese is a one-of-a-kind explorer. A self-described travel and soul writer, Erin is the author of the popular spiritual-travel blog, Bindi Girl, which appeared online from 2002-2010. Her work has appeared in the business travel magazine, Global Traveler, featuring articles on Varanasi, Kolkata, Malaysia, and Taipei. Erin is also a certified yoga instructor, astrologer, and intuitive consultant for clients around the world. Erin divides her time between India, Europe, and the U.S. She is working on the sequel to Bindi Girl.

Sign up for news, articles, and travel updates on Erin's website, TravelAndSoulMedia.com!

Work that Astro-Body! Erin Reese's Get-Fit Guide to the Zodiac

2011-06-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

Now that summer is officially here, we may catch ourselves in the mirror asking how we can lose that extra ten to twenty pounds we stashed away over the winter.

We may be tempted to turn to fad diets promoted on every magazine cover at the grocery checkout counter. Problem is, these quick-fix weight loss methods only work for the short term. Inevitably, unless we remain in starvation mode (bad for the brain, mood, and health), those unwanted pounds creep right back up.

Of course, there's another way to drop the weight, and keep it off: good old-fashioned EXERCISE. Most of us balk at the thought of adding yet another item to our already-packed to-do lists. That's where astrology comes into play. By getting active in accordance with your Sun Sign's natural motivation, you'll be fit in no time. For best results, read your Moon Sign and Rising Sign, too!*

Check out the following just-for-fun (don't take it too seriously, folks!) "get-fit tips" by Travel and Soul astro-intuitive, Erin Reese:

Aries:

The get-fit-trick for you, headstrong Aries, is to choose exercise where you can assert your independence. Any activity that can be done solo - swimming, running, biking - suits you just fine. And with that signature Ram ambition, you'll be the first in your yoga class to master the perfect headstand. Did you know that Aries is ruled by the head?

Taurus:

Your challenge, Taurus, is to peel yourself off the La-Z-Boy and get out into nature, where you thrive and come alive. Get yourself some fresh air each week, and enjoy the splay and scent of summer flowers. Pick up a pair of sturdy walking shoes, a sunhat, and a local hiking guide. Make your romps regular, and you can reward yourself with an occasional weekend couch potato splurge of DVD's and fruity frozen yogurt.

Gemini:

Your get-fit-trick is to multitask, Gemini, while working out. Listen to your favorite Podcasts while you're on the elliptical trainer, and keep your cell phone attached to your gym shorts so you won't have to worry about missing that all-important sales call. There. You've fit in yet another activity into your packed iPhone calendar. No prob! You can run for the roses, write a bestseller, and bake a superfood cake simultaneously! C'mon - you know you already do five things at once! Slipping a workout in there just lets your other Twin do another fun thing at the same time!

Cancer:

There's no place like home when it comes to the ideal exercise zone for the domestic Crab. Get yourself a wide, flatscreen TV, move the coffee table, and pop in your favorite Tai Chi, Tae Bo, or hatha yoga DVD. Meanwhile, you can keep an ear out for any little ones napping in the next room, or for the timer on that home-cooked spelt veggie lasagna baking in the oven.

Leo:

We know it's all about you, Leo, and the fitness motivator for you is the simple fact that you're the one to watch in the Zodiac. You need all eyes upon you, so you'll want to look your best at all times. Take a West African or Butoh dance class and make sure the studio is decked out with lots of mirrors to admire yourself - and be admired - while you sweat. Yes, you do look hot. Shake your mane around for that extra leonine shine. You're ruled in part by the heart - and the back - so focus on those body parts for extra oomph this summer.

Virgo:

Lucky Virgo, you're the most health conscious sign, so you're probably ready for swimsuit season already! For productive you, working out in a gym is a waste of time, right? It's better to accomplish even more chores while keeping your heart rate up. Make your daily jogs into daily errands: run to the post office, the hardware store, or even the grocery store for a quart of milk - all before even starting your regular workday.All Virgo needs to do is put the workout in the calendar, and it's a done deal. I'm not worried about you, Virgo!

Libra:

Libra wants to make a social event out of every workout, so why not join a yoga or dance class at the gym, where you can see your favorite people each week? Since you love to shop, head to your favorite department store and invest in some fabulous new sports clothes. You'll feel so fine in your sexy spandex halters, you'll just have to be seen at the gym. Socialite that you are, creating a weekly workout meet-up at the park, followed by a healthy brunch/lunch could be just the smiling Libra ticket!

Scorpio:

Endurance sports are key for the intense Scorpion. Train to run a marathon or a tri, or bike a century! Fundraising groups like Team in Training or the AIDS Marathon are fabulous ways to help you reach the goal. Plus, the good cause you assist appeals to your sentimental streak. You of all signs, Scorpio, will make it across the finish line, one mile at a time, because you'd never quit. Set a goal, put it in your calendar, and see how the survivor in you THRIVES. Put "Eye of the Tiger" in your iPod to pump it up!

Sagittarius:

Sag, you're a natural equestrian, and if you're lucky enough to live in an area where you can go horseback riding on a regular basis, take advantage of it. You'll feel like you're in a dream as you guide your steed along paths and trails. Otherwise, take up exercise that requires you to travel, such as diving. And, while you're at it, sign up for that cycling tour through the south of France, or yoga vacation in Costa Rica. Climbing to the top of Everest - okay, well, Mt. Whitney, Shasta, or Tam - is a great way to get your adventuring fix!

Capricorn:

You love the earth, Capricorn, and have a vast appreciation for Mother Nature. Problem is, how to peel yourself away from your job and responsibilities long enough to enjoy outdoor sports? The get-fit-trick for you, Goat, is to involve your coworkers in a team fitness effort, such as a bowling or softball league. This way, you'll also be moving toward health goals while increasing team spirit - and, therefore, the company's bottom line. That makes you just as happy as losing twenty pounds, doesn't it?

Aquarius:

Aquarius, you live in your head most of the time, and only occasionally remember that you actually dwell in a physical body. Therefore, you're one of the signs that benefits most from vigorous exercise, which gets your blood pumping and nourishes your brain. Try to participate in sports that involve your friends, such as Ultimate Frisbee, bowling, and soccer. Take special care of those calves and ankles - Water Bearer body parts - by giving them some extra stretching. If an Aquarius gets depressed it's a 90% chance they've not landed on Mother Earth yet - in the body.

Pisces:

When it comes to exercise, Pisces, it's water, water everywhere that makes you one fit Fish! Whether it's surfing, lap swimming, or water ballet, you'll be oh-so-happy in any activity in which you are surrounded by your native element. Even if you prefer land roving, join a yoga class in a peaceful environment, with soft lights and music, to soothe your highly sensitive soul. Meditation afterward is a great way to balance your emotions. Pisces are ruled by their feet, so sneak a self-foot-massager under the desk to give yourself free acupressure all the working day!

* Want to know more about your personal natal chart, Moon Sign and Rising Sign?

Email Erin directly for a personal astrology consultation! Click here for astro-intuitive details.

Need a little inspiration? Check out Erin's Yoga information page here.