Wait.

Okay, no. I guess I can think of something to write.

I find that when I mention something out loud (or in this case, on a blog), that I often jinx myself in some way. This time, I mention things with school going fine, and now school is officially kicking my ass. The end of the quarter is coming up and I am struggling like I’ve never struggled before.

Have I told the story about how it took me four years in high school to pass an Algebra II class? No? Well there’s that story. It took me four years in high school to pass an Algebra II class. Now I’m taking an Accounting class that for six hours a week makes me want to lay down in the parking lot and pray that the universe sends a snowplow. I’m just no good with numbers.

(Speaking of snow – it finally stopped falling. After I drove through that for a few hours.)

Also, blog, I’ve been cheating on you with tumblr. Sorry, kinda.

This morning I registered for my last quarter of classes as a business student. I could not be more happy that the end is in sight. This adventure in marketing and sales classes has been the most miserable school has ever made me, and trust me when I say school has made me plenty miserable (see leaving high school only to go back and leave again, then go to several different colleges and so on and so forth). But yes! I will be done. In June. Which isn’t so far away, is it?

Lie to me, okay?

And when I mentioned writing a transfer essay for a different college? Turns out I was worrying for nothing, because I didn’t even have to apply. I filled out the application, wrote the essay, filled it with apologetic “I’m sorry for dropping out of your very expensive institution”s, then got an e-mail telling me I was silly and to fill out the re-admission form and wait to be told to register for classes.

So, soon enough I’ll be back to writing papers and reading books I don’t like and have already read, and I will enjoy it this time, because I’ve seen the other options, and boy do I not like them.

PS: Thanks for the comments on the last post. I appreciate them.

PS (x2): I added a formspring box thingy over in the sidebar just in case anyone ever wants to ask me anything that’s not relevant to a post. Or tell me I’m a jerk. Or you know, whatever.

He had been sick for a few days – coughing instead of barking at us when we tried to steal his treats or, God forbid, the rocks he preferred over toys. We took him to the vet, for medication. We left around 9:30pm, and he was still breathing-tubed, feverish, but we were sure he’d be okay. I was, anyway.

I don’t have kids; I have dogs. Three now, and I think they wonder where their fourth went. We gave him a good couple of years, but the office, where he laid at our feet and begged for our lunches is awfully quiet now.

*Agnes Sligh Turnbull

1.

2. fun. – “Benson Hedges”

3.

4. Yeasayer – “Ambling Alp”

5. Harlem Shakes – “Sunlight”

^{graceinsmallthings.ning.com}

I went a little heavy on the songs that sound like warm weather this time around. What can I say? If I had a big enough hairdryer, I’d be outside looking for the grass right now. I am so. done. with snow.

The only thing I have ever really wanted a degree in is English. In May, I’ll have a degree…in Business. I’ll be in debt, and I’ll have a degree that is both useless to me, and completely, depressingly unwanted. Since accidentally graduating high school a semester early, I’ve told myself I wouldn’t settle – but. This Business degree?

Um. Settling. And for awhile, I was okay with it. I’d let myself be convinced that I’d wasted enough money – and enough time (I mean, I’ve been in college almost five years now; that’s disgusting).

I tried this college once, and like I said – dropped out. And it’s not cheap. It’s even on the “wow, that’s a little expensive” side of not cheap. But it’s what I want. I’m just nervous because how many times are they going to let the same person in based on their fluke-y ACT scores (because there is no way I scored that high based on legitimate knowledge) instead of mediocre transcripts?

And how am I supposed to write a two page transfer essay when all I can think of to say is, “I’ve been in college for five years and would like something to be proud of,” and “I promise I am not as dumb as I seem”?

^{graceinsmallthings.ning.com}

- While reading one of my favorite blogs, I came across an article titled “10 Things I’d Love to Tell My Younger Self,” and thought it went well with my last post. Read the post about it here.
- Synonyms for “said”. Personally, if I’m not going to use the word “said,” I usually don’t use a dialogue tag at all, but still. Fun.
- The 15 Books You Must Read in 2010.
- Simple Desktops.
- This one’s a little old, but: the 50 best protest signs of 2009.

So. Got any links to share?

I look back now, and it is really depressing to realize the way I saw the world. I still like to think I was more open-minded (and open-hearted) than a lot of my peers, but I know now that I missed out on so much because I doubted what was likely, at least part of the time, to be nothing more than generosity.

It’s difficult to know these things about myself. It’s difficult to write them. This past year has been one of discovery, though, and I don’t know how else to continue to go about it other than to a.) open myself up and b.) talk it out.

Recently, I was invited to a home-cooked dinner. Home-cooked dinners are not rare for me – I have them often, but they are not often cooked by strangers or served in a stranger’s home. They are not often eaten after an hour or so that has led to more revelation than is usual in an hour, and they are not often as filling as that one was.

When a person is willing to give you kindness, it isn’t always because they have some ulterior motive. I wish I could teach 14-year-old me that.

I’d kind of forgotten, what with school, and work, and bronchitis, and 24-hour news channels bombarding me with disasters of epic proportions.

(UNICEF/Red Cross/Doctors Without Borders.)

I remember the first time I had mushroom quesadillas. I love mushrooms, and it’s kind of hard to ruin them for me, but I was worried. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that tastes better.

These weren’t as good, but they were still pretty close to perfect, because: mushrooms. Delicious.

- Modest Mouse – “Missed the Boat”
- Manchester Orchestra – “Shake it Out”

- The Shins – “Australia”
- The Decemberists – “Annan Water”
- Kevin Devine – “Another Bag of Bones”

- Band of Horses – “Islands on the Coast”

What are you listening to?