Trevor's Movie Reviews

Review: The Great Gatsby

2013-05-11T16:44:00.003-05:00

You know when you tease a dog with a ball and he keeps looking up at you with anticipation and excitement as he knows eventually he's going to get the ball. Then you throw it and the dog runs off in search of that sphere of joy but he can't find it because you only pretended to throw the ball and are now holding it behind your back. The dog wanders back to you disappointed but you once again tease him with the ball and pretend to throw it once again and the dog runs off again. You can do this a number of times until eventually the dog gets bored of your tricks and finally lies down in boredom and anguish. I felt like the dog while watching The Great Gatsby and Baz Luhrmann kept teasing me with his shiny ball.

I've never read the book and so I had no idea what the story was. The first 20 minutes gave me the impression that Tobey Maguire was going to become friends with Mr. Gatsby. A man who seems to have infinite bounds of money and charisma. Only to then later on found out that there is a very dark and mysterious side to Mr. Gatsby's origin and now Mr. Maguire's character is tangled up in it and drama and suspense ensues. This is only partially true. Mr. Maguire does get tangled up in the drama however that drama is a love triangle between Mr. Gatsby and Maguire's Cousin and her Husband. The suspense of who Mr. Gatsby is revealed I want to say a half hour in or so and then all that suspense is shifted over to this love triangle mess which I didn't care about. If set up differently I think this story could have worked but as someone who has not read the book the minute the story shifted from Mr. Gatsby to the love triangle story I lost interest and lied down in boredom and Mr. Luhrmann continued to tease me for another hour and half.

It just occurred to me what I really wanted this movie to be was a Citizen Kane starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Now I understand that is not what the book The Great Gatsby is about at all. However, I don't think anyone who has seen Citizen Kane can argue with me that the story of Mr. Gatsby's origin has some strong similarities to Mr. Kane's. I'm sure if you were to show someone who had neither read the book or seen Citizen Kane and asked them to watch Citizen Kane and then a trailer for The Great Gatsby and tell them it was a remake they'd probably believe you. And that's where I think my brain was headed. I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane 2013 but I was expecting this story of the great Mr. Gatsby and I didn't get that and so I was disappointed.

While you could blame me for not knowing the story of The Great Gatsby prior to seeing the movie and that's why I ultimately did not enjoy it and found myself bored. I would argue that a movie shouldn't require prior knowledge in order to enjoy it. Yes a lot of times it helps but it should be able to stand on its own as well.

That makes some sense right? I'm not completely crazy?

Judgement Sentence: A sleeping pill that takes two and half hours to kick in

Review: Iron Man 3

2013-05-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

I never saw a trailer for Iron Man 3 and I'm glad I didn't because I might have been bummed out more. Quite frankly Iron Man 3 is 3x the Iron Man with 3x less the Iron Man. Right now I just don't like the movie and it feels more like a parody of Iron Man then a sequel. I do however want to see it again in but I think that's my brain just hoping that its good and we just weren't feel right the first time we saw it.

Iron Man 3 is a (SPOILER) Christmas movie. Did you just say wait a second isn't it May? Isn't this the first big summer blockbuster of the year? What does Iron Man 3 have to do with Christmas. Absolutely nothing actually its just the time of year the movie takes place. Why? I don't know and I'm not sure the movie does either.

This is the first big movie of the year and it opens with Blue which I actually kind of liked but looking back though that should have been the red flag that told me I was about to be disappointed. Where to I go from here.

Remember how Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark is your favorite character and you love how witty and playful his dialogue is. He's a jerk but you forgive him for it. Well this time he's an intolerable asshole. I hated him and I'm sick of his shtick.

Speaking of being sick of things I'm also sick of Iron Man I mean the suit now. This is the fourth movie where we've seen it zip around and shoot blue blasts. The suit does nothing "action" wise that you haven't already seen. Yes they have a few concepts that are interesting but its still the same action we saw in the first Iron Man. Beyond that I'm sick of things exploding and crumbling and this is coming from a guy who likes "Transformers" solely based on the action.

Speaking of things we've seen before. There is a character in this movie who's majority of dialogue is bringing up what happened in The Avengers and how cool it was. He does this over and over again reminding you of what happened and how awesome it was. Interestingly though in this world marvel has created I'm pretty sure everyone is going to forget about the events of Iron Man 3 that is if they even know about it. See The Avengers involved a tons of aliens coming through a portal into New York. Iron Man 3 involves a scuffle in the middle of nowhere Tennessee an airplane going down and a big battle at an abandoned boat dock. Which one sounds cooler? Which one are you going to remember?

Oh by the way remember how in The Dark Knight Rises Batman was basically not Batman for the majority of the movie Ya um we have a similar situation here I don't want to say anymore about that.

Last thing I do want to address though is the ending. I'm not going to spoil but basically the ending completely invalidates the 1st half of the movie and the first 2 movies.

I do plan on seeing the movie a second time but only because I really want to like.

Judgement Sentence: I want my bird

Review: Pain & Gain

2013-04-26T19:34:00.001-05:00

This is going to be a really tough movie to review. Why? Cause I really enjoyed it and had a ball watching it. Yes it is stupid. Yes it is over the top. And if you don't like characters being stupid and over the top then you're probably not going to like this movie.

Okay, before I just botch this review completely let me put it this way. There is a scene in the movie when Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie, and Dwayne Johnson are walking away from a burning car. There is an explosion and Dwayne Johnson character shrugs his shoulders up and makes this face like a kid who has just been presented a plate of brussel sprouts. While the other two stay dead serious. If that doesn't make you giggle then I don't recommend this movie...you unpatriotic pussy (that's a joke). If however that type of humor does make you chuckle then go see this movie and thank me later.

Wow that review wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.

Judgement Sentence: Rock hard action comedy

Review: Evil Dead

2013-04-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of the original Evil Dead and it's sequels. This new Evil Dead was clearly made for a new generation and features a completely different aesthetic and atmosphere its roots are deeply planted in the original.

I've been joking about taking my 12 year old sister to this movie for weeks now and after seeing it I feel kinda of bad. I mean had I actually taken her I'm pretty sure I would have traumatized her for life and never be forgiven. That being said this is one hell of a remake. While it might not have the heart of the originals it makes up for that by being much darker. It has it's comedic moments but for the most part it treats everything with this serious tone and while I never was truly "terrified" my leg was shaking and I was sweating from either fear or just being gross or now looking back it might have just been the cold I developed over the next couple days.

While the original film had very little plot at all this new version does. It gives us a reason for why the characters stay even when things start to get a little weird. The film gets the dynamic of doing something stupid so you feel comfortable and let your guard down and then grabbing you with shock and terror. And once the action starts you find yourself in this constant battle and soon you're watching the credits wondering if you should go to the bathroom before you leave or just drive home. Hint: you should probably use the bathroom before you leave just a general rule after seeing any movie.

I found the film very enjoyable and would recommend you go see it in theaters as I think this is the type of film that is best experienced with a crowd. I don't see a lot of horror movies mainly because they don't look enjoyable and are relying only on jump scares and visuals for scares. The best horror films master a number of elements besides visuals such as sound and music and atmosphere. The new Evil Dead has all of these elements. It's a chocolate-sprinkled-cherry-glazed-jelly-filled donut that when you bite into it you're going to make a mess. If you were on the fence about seeing it let me be the one to grab you by the leg, stab you with a knife, and puke on your face.

Judgement Sentence: I would see more horror movies if I felt they all were of this caliber.

Review: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

2013-03-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

I would consider myself a fan of the first movie, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. No it wasn't an excellent movie, but all I was really expecting was a cheesy over the top action movie and on that front I thought it delivered. Going into G.I. Joe: Retaliation I don't know what I was expecting. To be honest I don't think I really had any expectations other then that this film might be better or worse then the first. While the conflict in the film was resolved mine was not.

From the minute the film began I began asking myself these two questions over and over again:

Is this movie sillier?
Am I having more fun?

I constantly went back and forth. It was driving me nuts. The film starts off what feels like a more grounded film but then slowly digress into a mess of silliness like its previous brother. The movie starts off with simple things like chain-link-fence-melting-gloves and some standard infiltration with guns. Nothing to special. Then the film goes ka-blooey and then next thing you know fireflies are exploding, bikes are built out of rockets, air conditioned prisons are in the core of the earth and one of the main bad guys from the first film is just thrown away by being told he is out of the band. Oh and there are only 10 or so "Joes" left. Now I'm not sure how long after the first one this movie takes place but even though the "Joes'" base was "destroyed" shouldn't there be more of them. Did they not have time to rebuild? Forehead keyboard aosdfjp.

Okay obviously I had a lot of problems with this movie but similar problems can be found throughout the first film. They honestly made the first movie twice. Everything that happened in the first film appears again slightly changed but at the same caliber in the second one. They go through the same motions and scenes just in a different order.

Ultimately while I can't determine which film is better. I can tell you that the second film takes off any glimmer of shine that the first one had.

SPOILER:
I will say this though. The replacement missiles for nukes they introduce in the film I found rather cool and James Bond-esque. Sure they would never work in real life but I like the idea and just wish a they hadn't been wasted on this movie.

Judgement Sentence: G.I. Joe: Reversed Repetition.

Review: Spring Breakers

2013-03-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

There was a time in my life when I a big watcher of Disney Channel (Face Palm). I know. I've moved on for the most part as most of the shows I watched are no longer airing and the only thing worth watching now is "Dog with a Blog." So naturally when I heard Selena Gomez when in a movie called "Spring Breakers" I was excited (That's what she said! Seriously guys I thought we weren't going to do that). Throw in James Franco with a grill and cornrows and the guy who directed "Kids" and you have a movie that I'm probably going to really like (Ya you did! SERIOUSLY guys cut it out). I've been talking this movie for weeks prior to its release and now that I've seen it with all this anticipation I've built up and some pretty high expectations. Did it please me? (of course now you guys are quiet).
Yes. Last year, 2012, brought us a little movie called "Magic Mike." A movie that many went in expecting a comedy about male strippers and we're instead treated to a surprisingly good drama. Men would go into theaters with their heads low as their dates dragged them in. This year, 2013, bring us "Spring Breakers." A movie that many I assume will go in expecting a comedy about girls in bikinis on spring break and instead will be treated to a surprisingly good drama. Women will roll their eyes as they're dates drag them in to theater. In all seriousness if you were dragged into seeing "Magic Mike" last year now's your chance to drag them into seeing the reverse film. In my opinion though they are both great films that people will dislike because they are not what they are expecting.

Now I could be crazy ( You probably are) but this film is crazy similar to "Magic Mike" in fact I went back and read my review of that film and much of what I said there applies to this film as well. It's a beautiful film and no I'm not talking about the bodies. Although in this case I'm not embarrassed to say that they are gorgeous as well. The movie starts off with what you'd think its' going to be about. People on the beach having crazy amounts of fun with lots of drinks and little to no clothing. Then once the film has your attention (cough) it settles you into a much more sophisticated and fun film that by the end has you rethinking the whole spring break idea.

In a sentence four girls sick of school go on spring break and things don't go as planned. Selena Gomez, Faith, is the good girl, she's part of a church group but not really into it. Then she has two friends Candy and Brit who she's known since Kindergarten. And then their friend Cotty whose arc I found the most interesting. Lastly though their is James Franco who you can clearly tell was just having a hell of a time in this role.

It was nice to see a film like this take something that often is fantasized and present it in a down to earth way. Wow do I feel dirty about that sentence. I do recommend you see this movie but only if you can handle some actual worth wild story with your bikini clad hotties. Otherwise stay home and watch anything Netflix gives you when you search: spring break.

Judgement Sentence: Spring Break Forever

Review: Oz the Great & Powerful

2013-03-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

Right off the bat, I want to say I wasn't thrilled about this film from the very beginning. That being said, as I sat in my seat waiting for it to start I was genuinely excited. Unfortunately, that excitement wore thin and I soon found myself moaning and groaning and shaking my head.

The first half of the film is done in black and white and 4:3 aspect ratio. Although the film doesn't do anything groundbreaking its one of the more interesting parts of the film. It is in these first 20 minutes that James Franco's character OZ (short for Oscar) is set up as a magician and con man before a twister sweeps him away in a hot air balloon to the land of OZ. Once there though things took a dive.

The land of Oz looks like someone took the worlds of Dr. Seuss and Alice in Wonderland stuck them in a blender and hit liquefy and poured out a sludge of Lisa Frank and sprinkled some "Wizard of Oz" on top. The movie looks amazing don't get me wrong I'm just not a fan of this style. However kids are and that's who this movie is for.

There were so many moments in this film where I let out a chuckle...in disbelief at just how stupid a character was behaving or thinking. For instance there is a moment when Oz reveals to his monkey companion that he may not actually be the wizard and that the monkey can't tell anyone. Why does he do this? Because he needs help convincing Mila Kunis' character that he is the wizard? She's convinced Oz is the wizard within moments of meeting him. Why does he then risk the secret of him possibly not being the wizard to the stupid monkey. What angered me even more is that Oz is unsure he's the wizard of "Oz." We know he's the wizard of "Oz," everyone in the land of "Oz" is for the most part convinced. There's even a prophecy of a man falling from the sky bearing the name of the land. I'm sorry Oz I'm pretty sure your Oz. I mean I guess its there for story kind of.

If you were wondering like me, if this movie is based off one of L. Frank Baum's books and Wikipedia-ed "The Wizard of Oz" you might have been surprised to learn that the story is entirely made up and not based on anything from the books by Baum. Granted I only dug so deep but I'm pretty sure that's why this story basically feels like someone tried to build the first floor of an already constructed building. They know where everything has to match up but the way in which they do that is done so poorly its a surprise the building remains standing. And I've taken this metaphor way too far. Basically I didn't like how everything was connected. It was felt like it was constantly winking at the audience every time it referenced/linked itself to "The Wizard of Oz." That's the plot in a nutshell build story around Oz that explains and connects to everything that's going to happen in "The Wizard of OZ." And I know what you're thinking "Trevor that's the whole point" and I agree with you to a point but they did it in the most blandest and simplest way possible.

I'm starting to go a little long about this movie but I have a two more things I want to say. I hated the China Doll character. When she is first introduced she's quite the likable character and I very impressed with CGI. However, as soon as Oz decides to let her come along on the trip shes turns into this dumb brat.

Last thing. This one might be a bit of a stretch and if you can't tell by now this I was obviously very conflicted with what the film presented me and how to convey that in a coherent piece. Let's talk about the witches in particular their Bosums. Now maybe its just me but this movie was just dripping in cleav. I caught myself constantly thinking "Geez look at those knockers." But seriously all three of these witches had breasts trying to break free of their dresses. The camera seems fixated on them as well because this stuck with with me throughout the entire film. Don't agree with me? Go watch the movie again and when Mila Kunis Turns green don't tell me they didn't do some wicked magic to those green milk bags. I'm not complaining, it just seemed a little over the top.

Judgement Sentence: Oz the grating and Insufferable...AH! (there was a lot of screaming)

2013 Oscar Winners & My Predictions 20/24

2013-02-24T14:47:00.000-06:00

20/24 not bad, not bad at all.

Yellow was my predictions and the winners will be underlined.

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Amour
Argo
Django Unchained
Les Misérables
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Bradley Cooper - Silver Linings Playbook
Daniel Day Lewis - Lincoln
Hugh Jackman - Les Misérables
Joaquin Phoenix - The Master
Denzel Washington - Flight

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Jessica Chastain - Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook
Emmanuelle Riva - Amour
Quvenzhané Wallis - Beast of the Southern Wild
Naomi Watts - The Impossible

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Alan Arkin - Argo
Robert De Niro - Silver Linings Playbook
Philip Seymour Hoffman - The Master
Tommy Lee Jones - Lincoln
Christopher Waltz - Django Unchained

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Amy Adams - The Master
Sally Field - Lincoln
Anne Hathaway - Les Misérables
Helen Hunt - The Sessions
Jacki Weaver - Silver Linings Playbook

Best Achievement in Directing

Michael Haneke - Amour
Ang Lee - Life of Pi
David O. Russell - Silver Linings Playbook
Steven Spielberg - Lincoln
Benh Zeitlin - Beast of the Southern Wild

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Amour- Michael Haneke
Django Unchained - Quentin Tarantino
Flight - John Gatins
Moonrise Kingdom - Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola
Zero Dark Thirty - Mark Boal

Best Writing, Screenplay based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Argo - Chris Terrio
Beast of the Southern Wild - Lucy Alibar, Benh Zeitlin
Life of Pi - David Magee
Lincoln - Tony Kushner
Silver Linings Playbook - David O. Russell

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

Brave
Frankenweenie
ParaNorman
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Wreck-It Ralph

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year

Amour
War Witch
No
A Royal Affair
Kon-Tiki

Best Achievement in Cinematography

Anna Karenina - Seamus McGarvey
Django Unchined - Robert Richardson
Life of Pi - Claudio Miranda
Lincoln - Janusz Kaminski
Skyfall - Roger Deakins

Best Achievement in Editing

Argo - William Goldenberg
Life of Pi - Tim Squyres
Lincoln - Micheal Kahn
Silver Linings Playbook - Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers
Zero Dark Thirty - William Goldenberg, Dylan Tichenor

Best Achievement in Production Design

Anna Karenina - Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Simon Bright
Les Misérables - Eve Stewart, Anna Lynch-Robinson
Life of Pi - David Gropman, Anna Pinnock
Lincoln - Rick Carter, Jim Erickson

Best Achievement in Costume Design

Anna Karenina - Jacqueline Durran
Les Misérables - Paco Delgado
Lincoln - Joanna Johnston
Mirror Mirror - Eiko Ishioka
Snow White and the Huntsman - Colleen Atwood

Best Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling

Hitchcock - Howard Berger, Peter Montagna, Martin Samuel
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Peter King, Rick Findlater, Tami Lane
Les Misérables - Lisa Westcott, Julie Dartnell

Best Achievement in Music written for Motion Pictures, Original Score

Anna Karenina - Dario Marianelli
Life of Pi - Mychael Danna
Lincoln - John Williams
Skyfall - Thomas Newman

Best Achievement in Music written for Motion Pictures, Original Song

Chasing Ice - J. Ralph ("Before My Time")
Les Misérables - Alain Boublil, Claude-Michel Schonberg, Herbert Kretzmer ("Suddenly")
Life of Pi - Mychael Danna, Bombay Jayshree ("Pi's Lullaby")
Skyfall - Adele, Paul Epworth ("Skyfall")
Ted - Walter Murphy, Seth MacFarlane ("Everybody Needs a Best Friend")

Best Achievement in Sound Mixing

Argo - John T. Reitz, Gregg Rudloff, José Antonio Garcia
Les Misérables - Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson, Simon Hayes
Life of Pi - Ron Bartlett, Doug Hemphill, Drew Kunin
Lincoln - Andy Nelson, Gary Rydstrom, Ron Judkins
Skyfall - Scott Millan, Greg P. Russell, Stuart Wilson

Best Achievement in Sound Editing

Argo - Erik Aadahl, Ethan Van der Ryn
Django Unchained - Wylie Stateman
Life of Pi - Eugene Gearty, Philip Stockton
Skyfall - Per Hallberg, Karen M. Baker
Zero Dark Thirty - Paul N. J. Ottosson

Best Achievements in Visual Effects

The Avengers - Janek Sirrs, Jeff White, Guy Williams, Daniel Sudick
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, R. Christopher White
Life of Pi - Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik De Boer, Donald Elliott
Prometheus - Richard Stammers, Trevor Wood, Charley Henley, Martin Hill
Snow White and the Huntsman - Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, Phil Brennan, Neil Corbould, Michael Dawson

Best Documentary, Feature

5 Broken Cameras
The Gatekeepers
How to Survive a Plague
The Invisible War
Searching for Sugar Man

Best Documentary, Short Subject

Inocente
Kings Point
Mondays at Racine
Open Heart
Redemption

Best Short Film, Animated

Adam and Dog
Fresh Guacamole
Head Over Heels
Paperman
The Simpsons: The Longest Daycare

Best Short Film, Live Action

Asad
Buzkashi Boys
Curfew
Death of a Shadow
Henry

Review: Warm Bodies

2013-02-21T06:12:00.001-06:00

Another movie about Zombies except in this ones its about a zombie falling in love (pause for aw). Warm Bodies is at least a somewhat different take on zombies. Yes, it does include all the normal tropes (I don't think I'm using that word right) of the genre, the living dead, brain eating, grunts and groans lots of grunts and groans. This is also the type of movie you can watch with your significant other who may not be a fan of zombies or never really seen a zombie film and they will probably come out liking it.

The world has become infected with zombies. One day a girl is out scavenging for supplies with her boyfriend and other volunteers when a group of zombies attack and one zombie eats her boyfriends brain thus through scientific magic develops feelings for the girl. The zombie takes the girl to his home and they two of them develop a strange relationship of dead and living.

I liked this movie. It was soothing. I know a zombie movie soothing? I'm surprised as you are. Maybe I should try another word. It was light. This isn't a horror film and although it moves much slower then your average film about zombies. It isn't trying to scare enjoyment out of you for once and I found myself just enjoying the film. Normally zombies are running amuck this was like watching a zombie with no worries of being harmed. Which may be where my one problem comes in with the film.

There was no suspense or tension. From the minute these two meet I figured the film would have happy ending. The film tries to build this Romeo & Juliet dynamic which is nice but doesn't really do much to keep me interested in their story. This is why there are so few great romances or chick flicks. Usually you can safely assume the two in love are going to fall in love. The great ones however suspend that belief and when all hopes is loss they then end it happily. You think it be easy for a romantic comedy with zombies to get that right (simply have him eat her best friend, or maybe not I just didn't care for her).

Judgement Sentence: A "Light" enjoyable zom rom com

Review: Bullet to the Head

2013-02-02T14:25:00.002-06:00

I wanted to start off this review with a Sylvester Stallone impression but sadly you can't do that via type very well. So if you would do me the favor and read this review in you best impression of Stallone in your head that be great.

This movie is one of the worst edited movies I've seen in awhile. The first scene is in all black and white we see a character under a bridge hanging out. He then appears in a car there appeared to be a gun shot through a window and then we see Stallone busting glass cut to black. What just happened. It was the very beginning so I thought did I miss something what's going on? The film then goes into the most tedious and annoying opening credits of Stallone and what looks like the guy buy from the scene before. About every five seconds the movie freeze frames turns piss yellow and then cuts to black with blue credits on the screen it does this for maybe 5 minutes. Oh and that freeze in yellow effect happens throughout the rest of the film. Finally it stops and we get some action of Stallone and partner breaking into some guy's room and killing him with, yep you guessed it. Three bullets to the chest. Wait what he's still alive? Oh no! Better put a bullet through his head. Marking the first death of many that is done with a bullet to the head.

Then its I'm tough. I don't like you blah blah blah. I don't work with cops. I'll kill you. Grunt. Groan. Look at how unnatural my neck looks. Everyone talks like as if this was a Dick and Jane book written by Stallone. It's bad really bad. What's worst is this makes everything bluntly obvious for the audience. The characters come off as missing a couple marbles. Especially the D.C. cop who gets attacked by the local cops but doesn't take this as a hint that he probably can't trust the local cops. No instead he continues to trust the cops and almost dies for it. The cop isn't much more then a man with a good cellphone though because he spends most of the film doing speed checks on the next target for Stallone. He calls D.C. asks for a speed-check hangs up the phone and not 5 seconds later he picks the phone up again with an answer. I get it's trying to show its really fast but does he have to hang up the phone every time? If he stayed on the line for just a second longer he would have is answer and it would still come across as being fast.

Whatever doesn't matter. So if you still reading this here's the plot. After breaking in and killing that guy Stallone's partner is stabbed to death at a bar. Stallone wants revenge but doesn't know how to find these bad guys. In comes the cop with the phone. They partner up and the cop whines and complains about Stallone's way of doing things and that he's going to have to arrest him at the end of all this. The two kill guy after guy trying to reach the top of the food chain. Christan Slater gets kidnapped from his costumed orgy. Then Stallone's daughter gets kidnapped and he saves he but the crazy mercenary is crazy. Stuff happens.

Last note though. The main bad guy is a guy in crutches. He's a Mr. Potter from It's a wonderful Life, He wants to knock down a dilapidated part of town to build condos and a shopping mall. Which may be a money scheme but wouldn't that be good for the neighborhood. Did I miss something?

If your going to see an old action star in a movie go see The Last Stand. While both are equally terrible at least The Last Stand is a fun watch. Bullet to the Head is just stupid and annoying.

Judgement Sentence: A bullet to the head would have been nice during this movie

Review: Parker

2013-01-28T09:00:00.000-06:00

It's another Jason Statham film guys. Guess what? He's a bad-ass Guess what? He kills some guys. Guess what? He finds himself in death defying action. Guess what? He has lots of scars. Guess what? He wakes up in a hospital. Guess what? Dogs love Jason. Guess what? There's a beautiful girl. Guess what? That girl almost screws up the plan. Guess what? I could do this all day.

I like Mr. Statham he has great screen presence and is a joy to watch. You can always count on a great performance from him. Unfortunately, I have become desensitized to his action and so I find myself looking for satisfaction from other elements of the film. In the case of Parker the supporting characters and plot don't do much to keep me interested or in the case of Jennifer Lopez, awake. Everytime she was on screen I would nod off. The majority of her screen time is either her being yelled at by her soap opera loving mother or walking around in a pants suit selling real estate.

The film starts off with a bank heist of a state fair. It's rather fun seeing heist set in a fair setting evolve. Nice to get away from an actual bank or other generic heist setting. Only problem is during the heist Statham says something having a rule about not stealing from people who can't afford it and not hurting people who don't deserve it. Now I may have missed something but as far as I could tell this was just a regular state fair, that probably couldn't afford to be robbed or deserved to be hurt. I didn't get it. The heist goes somewhat as planned and Statham's associates want him in on their job. Statham refuses they have a ruckus in a SUV and leave him presumably dead and without his share of the heist. Setting up the revenge plot for the rest of the movie. Which fits under his rule but still dosen't explain to me why we were stealing from the state fair. Maybe he just doesn't like carnival games ripping people off.

The film has this weird dynamic of Statham doing Statham doing Statham and Lopez trying to sell him a house. Overall its a watchable film with some fun scenes but nothing exceptional. Except for maybe Nick Nolte barbecuing with a sweater tied around his neck.

Judgement Sentence: They could have done so much more with the cowboy hat.

Review: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

2013-01-26T13:36:00.001-06:00

I had fun watching Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. There I said it. Yes my stomach aches when I say that but I'm being completely honest. I had a good time seeing this movie. It may have something to do with the fact that so far this year we've had nothing but bad to mediocre movies and so my gauge as to what a good movie is may be slightly off but nonetheless this is the first film of the year that I had a good time throughout the film.

Hansel & Gretel are Witch Hunters plain and simple. As children they were abandoned by parents in a dark woods where they found a cottage made of candy. Inside is a witch who forces Hansel to eat more sweats then he should so he can be nice and fat to eat while Gretel warms the fire. Obviously Hansel & Gretel don't like their new lifestyle and decide to burn the witch. Thus leading to some cliche but fun animated sequences and credits of them growing up to be witch hunters. The movie picks up many years later where the two have come to a new town whose children have been taken by witches who want to become fireproof.

Don't get me wrong the story isn't fantastic but it seems to be self aware of how stupid it is and that's what made it so much fun. The movie felt very tongue in cheek. Often times when the movie did something rather predicable or stupid Hansel & Gretel would also state their displeasure. For example the witches main plan is to become fireproof. Problem is while that may be the best way to kill a witch Hansel & Gretel throughout the film show us there are about a 100 other ways to kill a witch. So while the witches may think becoming fireproof will solve all their problems it's only going to solve one. I found this very funny and I only wish Hansel or Gretel had a line stating to a witch that fire isn't the only way to kill a witch and then blowing her head off with a shotgun blast.

This movie is fantastically violent and over the top. This movie doesn't waste anytime getting to the good stuff. The film for the most part is one ongoing bloody action scene which I think worked very well for the film. A film like this does not want to have very much time where the audience can get bored or lose interest. The movie has a number of parts where it introduces story and characters but for the most part its just one violent action scene. This really surprised me. The action while cliche was decent and the violence was strangely satisfying and comedic. A number of times I would laugh with joy as a character's limbs or head would explode with a gush of blood.

The last thing I would like to note is Edward the Troll. He has one of the funniest action scenes where he kills a number of villagers. He develops a thing for Gretel which is weird because Trolls only help witches. Oops I may have spoiled something there. Anyways Edward is just this big softie who Gretel Befriends I only wish the film had a scene where she kissed the troll and...no one else? Just me? Okay fine.

If you've been disappointed so far by this year's releases and hungry for something at least a little satisfying I'd say give Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters a chance. However, if you haven't seen any of the new releases in the last couple weeks and instead have been catching up on Oscar nominated films don't go near this movie until you can watch it at home.

Judgement Sentence: Violent and over the top fun for all ages (but not really its really violent)

Review: Movie 43

2013-01-25T01:06:00.002-06:00

There isn't much to review or even say about Movie 43 that you couldn't devise for yourself from the trailer. I laughed at this movie and overall I had a good time with a couple of my friends. Will we ever talk of the film ever again probably not. does it matter that the plot synopsis for this movie is as connected as the skits in the movie. No, but I find it mildly amusing.

So if you didn't see the trailer this is basically a collection of skits that for the most part all hit their mark but all of them seem to go on for way to long. What's even more of a bummer is that they clearly put most of the footage they shot in the film because during the end credits they basically just run the best parts from the movie whereas most movies of this caliber would throw bloopers. Which has me really excited for the UNRATED Blu ray and DVD release which is this Tuesday.

There is some funny stuff here but nothing that warrants a theatrical viewing. If you haven't figured it out already this is a bad movie. Wait for the much better UNRATED version or better yet wait for YouTube clips to pop up.

Judgement Sentence: Can't wait for the direct to DVD Sequel

Review: The Last Stand

2013-01-23T10:20:00.002-06:00

This was a very strange movie that I laughed and groaned throughout at. We have a lot to cover as this film has a ton of stuff to chew on and I have a lot I want to spit out.

Let's start with the characters. Everyone has a character name but lets be honest they are all playing their real personas. Arnold is back but boy is he old and leathery and full of forgettable one liners. Luis Guzmán is Luis Guzmán as Luis Guzmán. I'm not sure but Johnny Knoxville might be a mentally retarded kid who's wish for the make a wish foundation was to be in a movie with Arnold. And has Forest Whitaker always had that problem with his eyes?

Then we have all the random support characters. Like Woody Harrelson crossed with Sam Rockwell guy. Or generic sexy Cartel racecar villain guy. Then there's Sif from Thor and her younger sister look a like. Then there's poor Jerry who keeps tripping on his two left feet. Then there are FBI agents with bad hair and ninjas with machine guns. Oh and not really but what hostage girl.

Those are just the characters which on their own are quite ridiculous throw them all in the desert with a stupid and simple plot and you got one hell of a enjoyable mess. The movie starts out with crazy eyed Whitaker is transporting the Cartel racecar driver to death row in a mini van. Unfortunately they make a stop where a team of ninjas are assembled with a very large crane magnet that picks up the van drops it on a roof where they bust the prisoner out and then zip-line to an adjacent building where they have hidden a batmobile for our villain to drive away in. And that's just the beginning guys there's a whole hour and a half still to go but you can probably figure out where this movie is going.

Arnold is this small town sheriff who's town just so happens to be the perfect place for the ninjas to build a bridge across a canyon for our Cartel racecar driver to cross the Mexican/US border. This makes Arnold and his town The Last Stand *groan* but I get. Arnold puts together a small team of deputies to stop the driver. But they don't have enough firepower to stop this man so who do they turn to? Brain Damaged Gun museum owning Johnny Knoxville. They set up a poor blockade and prepare to defend. SPOILER WARNING the Cartel racecar drive makes it through the town with relative easy because Arnold couldn't park a bus.

However stupid that moment was it did lead to the best scene in the movie. After the driver speeds through Arnold hops into a Chevy Camaro and chases after him in a cornfield. Leading to some predictable action but fun nonetheless. Its the most ambitious thing the movie did. Corn is flying everywhere as two sport cars battle it out. It may not sound like much but its a very well shot car chase in a corn field which is something I haven't seen before so kudos to the movie for that.

The movie then ends with a last stand off and you can probably predict what happens. If you feel like vegging out and just watching some mediocre action staring everyone's favorite Austrian bodybuilder then you'll probably sit through this film. For everyone else your not missing much.

Judgement Sentence: A car chase in a cornfield that has to have been done before, right?

Review: Zero Dark Thirty

2013-01-21T10:30:00.000-06:00

When the news broke that they had found Osama Bin Laden and killed I was thrilled as anyone else probably was but I also found myself having this feeling of so what, big whoop, now what? I felt the same way when I saw the initial trailer for this movie. As reviews started to pop up though I started to think maybe there was more to this movie then what the trailer was presenting to me.

Zero Dark Thirty is a very solid good movie. Although we know everything about this story already, including the ending, the movie puts me on edge and has you fully invested in the characters and their story.

The first act of the film is a law and order episode about the search for Bin Laden. I didn't find the torture to be a problem nor did I find that film chooses sides on issue. It just presents it and its up to the viewer to come to their own conclusions on the matter not the film's.

The second act is the actual raid. For a raid that you know what's going to happen and how it will end I was sweating in my seat for the mission to be successful. The movie does a great job of making a scene that in your head shouldn't seem suspenseful because you already knows what happens but I found myself angst with anticipation as they went up floor after floor of the building.

I even shed a tear at the end which I don't often do and especially don't during these types of movies. So if that isn't the sign of a good movie I don't know what is.

Judgement Sentence: Zero Dark Thirty more like Zero Dark awesome movie

Review: Gangster Squad

2013-01-20T10:30:00.000-06:00

This is a weird one folks. An all star cast of Ryan Gosling, Sean Pean, Emma Stone, and Josh Brolin run around Los Angeles. The year, 1949. The story revolves around Sean Pean playing Mickey Cohen (the bad guy in case you didin't know) and Josh Brolin and friends has to stop him. The end.

It looked blah. The actors were blah. The plot was blah. The action was blah. If I had only one word to describe this film it would be Bla...Meh. I don't even remember how this movie started. Wait nope now I do. Boy that was a weird first scene. Anyways basically this is a movie with a lot of action and style but not much else. Kind of like a burrito stuffed with rice and nothing else. So your going to get very full right away and afterwards all you remember is the action and how your still hungry for something more.

I haven't seen very many Gangster films but as I watched this film I was able to predict almost everything before it happened. There is absolutely no suspense or worry that the good guys aren't going to beat the bad guys. It goes from from point A to point B with no real interest in providing entertainment besides stylish action set pieces. Then it ends SPOILER WARNING with a boring monologue of blah blah blah while Josh Brolin and his wife sit on the beach with a very ugly baby. A very fat ugly baby.

I wouldn't recommend seeing this film if you plan on paying attention to it. This is the movie you throw on the tv when your doing something else it will provide great background noise and when you occasionally look up you'll most likely see some action.

Judgement Sentence: Gangster Squad more like Gangster Sad

Review: Les Misérables

2013-01-14T10:30:00.000-06:00

Is it a requirement for movies that come out on Christmas day to have something related to Christmas? Django Unchained featured a snowman and in Les Mis we have a Santa. It just seems odd to me. Chances are I will never watch these films again during the holiday season so these scenes really don't feel necessary. I digress.

My exceptions for this film have gone up and down all year for this film but as I sat in my seat and the movie started I figured this wasn't going to be so bad. Then the singing started and some fake paper flew in the air and I sunk my head into my seat with a sigh and prepared my self for a very long night.

This movie has it moments that are solid and one moment that's very good but for most part its a murky and sloshy bore of music. I also had a hard time following the movie. Well not the story, the story is pretty simple and easy to follow (maybe to simple). What was hard to follow was the music. It's like listening to a song then looking up the lyrics and finding out what you thought they were singing wasn't what they were singing. You always seemed to miss a few things when listening to a song the first time.

Unfortunately though I can't imagine watching this movie multiple times to catch what their saying. So wait till you can rent or buy this movie and watch it with subtitles. Hey who knows maybe it will even have a bouncing ball so you can sing along.

Judgement Sentence: meh...I'm bored

Trevor's Top 10 Movies of 2012

2013-01-01T10:30:00.000-06:00

The year 2012 comes to a close and with it comes my list of the top ten films of 2012. I saw a 100 films this year in the theater and overall I think I had a generally good time in the theater. So let's get things rolling with a look at last year's list of my top 10 movies I was looking forward to.
My Most Anticipated films of 2012

The Amazing Spiderman
The Dark Knight Rises
The Avengers
Django Unchained
Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
Casa de mi Padre
Prometheus
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Brave
ParaNorman

Now I will admit that a number of theses choices probably seem terrible looking back and my biggest regret is putting Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie on this list. I don't know how it got on this list and I'm sorry. That being said only four of these films really thrilled me this year. However, a number of films did thrill me and they did not appear on this list.

Last year I didn't really have a criteria for my top ten other then liking them. This year I decided to base my choices on three things.

Rewatchability/ did i buy the blu ray
How likely am I to recommend this to friends & family
Did I love the film

After the jump you will find my top ten films of 2012. The way in which they are ordered is rather complicated. I tried to arrange them in such that my number ten film is the last film I would want you to see this year and my number one is the first film I'd want you to see if you had not seen and of these films. Make sense? Yes? Everyone Ready? Good. Onward.

10. Ted

Ted was the comedy I figure would be funny but not that funny. Like an episode of family guy (pause for short laugh). So I was pleasantly surprised when this movie not only provided me with a heavy dosage of laughter but also a solid story with a characters and relationships I was actually invested in. Yes that sentence applies to this movie about a foul mouth teddy bear.

9. The Avengers

I remember back in Junior year of high School looking at that 2012 release date for this film and arguing with my buddy that it will never happen. Well eat my shorts. This movie could have never happened or even worse been a disastrous mess. Joss Whedon gave us the pinnacle comic book movie. It's all downhill from here guys.

8. The Cabin in the Woods

Every year there is one movie that you have no exceptions for and then it turns out to be good then it decides to be awesome and then you love it and you think to yourself how did I know nothing about this film prior to its release? I saw a number of horror films this year and this is the only one that will probably be remembered from 2012.

7. Prometheus

Everybody picked on this movie with large fine tooth combs and it was great. I talked about all these movies with someone this year. But this is the only one that I got into deep discussions and arguments over and over again.

6. Moonrise Kingdom

It's a Wes Anderson film. I liked it. It was quriky. Need I say more?

5. Life of Pi

Wowee this movie was just stunning to look at. You could take a still frame from any moment in this movie and frame it on your wall (okay maybe not any moment but you know what I mean). If there is one movie you have to see in theaters this should be the one. Can someone make a mash-up video of this film and I'm on a boat.

4. The Grey

I saw this film way back in January and as soon as it ended I knew it was going to be on my top ten at the end of the year. I was just impressed by everything this film had to offer. And I'm going to let you finish Flight but The Grey had one of the most realistic plane crashes I experienced in a theater of all time.

3. Wreck-it Ralph

I saw this film more then any other film on this list. So I had to put it on my list and high up. If this doesn't take home the Oscar I'm going to be seriously bummed out.

2. Silver Linings Playbook

It's tough when you go into a movie with your exceptions through the roof because you've heard nothing but good things about a movie week after week after week. Then when your finally watching it your having this internal battle with yourself to try to just enjoy the movie and not judge it. Once the film got going though It settled the battle and said "look, I'm good."

1. Django Unchained

Once again the last film I saw of the year becomes my number one film of the year. I wonder if this is going to be a thing for me. As the Gif clearly indicates I don't have to do much to explain why Django is at the top. It was a very entertaining film that is well deserving of being number one.

It was a good year guys. With that I declare this official listing over. Happy New Year everybody!

Review: Branded

2012-10-31T08:50:00.003-05:00

Viewed: Theater

You know when you get a Mcdonald's hamburger and it comes in that nice little cardboard box with the pretty picture on it and then you open it and then you see the burger and it looks to have gone through hamburger hell. But you're really hungry and you're not expecting much but you know the burger is going to deliver at least some substance. Then when your about to take your last couple bites your stomach starts aching in agony telling your brain to stop and your brain agrees that there is something funny about this burger but you continue to chew and finish it off. You sit there waiting for your friends to finish eating as your stomach starts tying a noose for itself out of your intestines. Then your brain slowly starts to tell you that there was definitely something wrong with that burger and you probably shouldn't have eaten it because it's ingredients may not have been the freshest. Ya? That's this movie.

The movie is basically about larger corporations making being fat cool and then the hero doing vice versa and did I mention it does this with some trippy 3D animations?

If you feel like watching a movie that has an interesting premise but terrible story, acting, effects and well pretty much everything else then I still wouldn't recommend this movie.

Judgement Sentence: Watch Super Size Me.

Review: Celeste and Jesse Forever

2012-10-31T08:28:00.002-05:00

Viewed: Theater

This movie is walks a very line. The movie presents a extreme but realistic situation that loses its sense of seriousness when mediocre jokes take over.

Celeste and Jesse are best friends who recently got divorced. If you that sentence doesn't make any sense to you whatsoever you probably won't like this film. However, if you find yourself intrigued by divorced couple who spend all their time together then check this film out.

As you've probably figured out by now Celeste and Jesse's plan of being BFFs doesn't actually pan out. So the whole film is spent watching this relationship evolve. Which at times is very interesting and at other times its just frustrating to watch two people act completely opposite of how you would think they'd act. A number of times I found myself wanting to yell at the characters "GAH YOU'RE SO STUPID." Which I have found myself wanting to say to my own friends in their relationships. So good job film. Unfortunately, though I found myself wanting to yell the same thing at the movie. It does a number of things that to me just felt like the movie was trying to be funny when it would have been much better if it kept everything in a more serious tone.

I generally liked this movie but I kind of wish it had left the jokes out.

Judgement Sentence: Andy Samberg plays the straight man.

Review: The Apparition

2012-09-24T15:11:00.002-05:00

Viewed: Theater

I don't like scary movies. I don't like the feeling of being scared. I will admit though that I will watch a scary movie just like I would eat sour gummy worms. They aren't good for you and they don't taste the greatest but you eat them for the punishment. Okay maybe that's not my experience every time I eat a sour worm but I think you get my point.

The Apparition is a stale sour gummy worm that just tastes bad. I'm a wuss when it comes to scary movies and it doesn't take much to get me to jump in my seat. I squirmed alot during this film but only because I found myself so uncomfortably bored.

This movie is terrible and that's because it never scared me once and I never even got a sense of dread for the characters. The beginning part is somewhat interesting but then its just a boring look at a couple who don't have a chemistry. We spend what feels like an entirety setting this couple up by showing them at their jobs at Costco buying a cactus and toilet paper and then eating some hamburgers. Did I mention we also see them drive to all these places. Now that I think about it there is a lot of time spent watching their car drive around. Yet I don't think an attempted scare ever happens in the car.

This movie is basically a paranormal wannabe activity and it fails to anything similarly scary. And if your like me and you don't like scary movies and your thinking maybe I'll like this one cause it isn't scary. You probably won't cause when something tries to be scary and it isn't it ends up being just stupid.

Judgement Sentence: The Apparition more like The Apparently Bad

Review: The Odd Life of Timothy Green

2012-09-24T12:50:00.004-05:00

Viewed: Theater

This movie is odd. Odd because I don't understand why it was odd. I think this movie would have been much better had it just been called "Timothy the really nice kid."

Timothy came from the garden after a couple who can't have kids bury a box of what they imagine their kid would be like. Timothy also has green leaves growing on his legs. So that's what makes him odd. Problem is I don't think Timothy had to be odd. He's already odd because he's so gosh darn perfect why did you have to have him come from the garden and sprout leaves on his legs?

The rest of the movie is about Timothy being super nice to everyone and his "parents" being confused as they learn what it means to take care of and raise a kid.

Now I'm going to go into SPOILERS here so look out if you really care. Because Timothy came from the garden he must eventually return to the garden. He was only provided to the couple as a means to prepare them for adopting a child. My question is why didn't they just write this movie where they adopt Timothy and he does all these nice things and what not and then have a plot about him meeting his real mom or something. Why did he have to be this weird plant of preparation? I don't get it. Why was it necessary for him to be odd? Is there really an audience out there who wants to see movies about kids with leaves growing on their legs? If there is then I'd argue this movie doesn't deliver on that because it never really does anything with the leaves.

Okay enough rant SPOILERS over. I liked this movie. It's mushy but its sweet and I'll admit I held back tears at the end. I just wish there was more to the "odd" part of this movie.

Judgement Sentence: Your mom will probably like this one.

Review: Premium Rush

2012-09-24T12:28:00.001-05:00

Viewed: Theater

A movie about a bike messenger doesn't sound like the greatest idea nor very much fun. But somehow they did and it's pretty gosh darn awesome.

In New York there are these crazy Bike Messenger people and Joseph Gordon Levitt is the craziest. He rides a one speed bike with no brakes and is constantly putting himself in danger. This is normal of him though and he loves the feeling of constantly avoiding injury and or death. The basic plot of the movie is us following Levitt through a typical day of bike messaging except today he's delivering something that a particular cop played by Michael Shannon really wants.

This movie is very over the top but that's what makes its so much fun. There are so many moments in this movie where I dropped my jaw and gasped in pleasure. The movie plays out like a playlist of bicycle fails on you tube.

If you can see this movie with a crowd do it. There is nothing like hearing a whole audience cringe at the same time.

Judgement Sentence: It's a lot better then you think

Review: Hit and Run

2012-09-24T11:54:00.000-05:00

Viewed: Theater

Whoo! I shouted as I pulled out onto the road after seeing this movie only to quickly remember at the first red light that I was driving a mini van and not the shiny dodge charger next to me.

By far the movies I love most are the ones that leave me feeling awesome afterwards. Hit and Run is one of those movies. Kristen Bell is dating a ex getaway driver who is under witness protection. So of course things get pretty heated. The best part about this film is it doesn't feel like a big budget film such as Fast and Furious. It feels small and real. After action scenes you didn't question its believably instead you said I could probably do that. Which I find much more effective.

This movie is also very funny. Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard and Bradly Cooper with his crazy hair all have their moments and you like all of them. But Tom Arnold is the one who steals the show. He plays Dax Shepard's paranoid crazy witness protection agent and boy is he funny. If you didn't like anyone in this movie I would say that his performance is just worth seeing.

Judgement Sentence: See this movie and then try to resist the urge to drive recklessly

This gif isn't from the movie but I like it.

Review: ParaNorman

2012-09-24T11:21:00.001-05:00

Viewed: Theater - 3D

Right off the bat this movie looks great. It's even scary...scary how good it looks. My brain kept thinking this movie was computer animated and then I would remind it that this is a stop motion movie and my brain would pee its pants. This is the best stop motion film I've seen. It's unreal-ily good looking.

The story is meh. Norman has the sixth sense and he must use that power to save his witch obsessed town. I laughed a number of times throughout the movie and let out a couple of gasps as well. All of the characters are fun to look at and watch. The ending was weird but then again this movie is about not being normal so I guess that's okay.

If you see this movie go ahead and see it in 3D. Things really seem to have that extra depth. Probably because these are actually objects in real space compared to computer animated figures on a flat screen.

If you couldn't tell I feel very lukewarm about this movie. While it looks great the story is just "normal." It feels like somebody made a very expensive episode of a Nickelodeon show.

Judgement Sentence: See it for the awe of stop motion animation.