I’ve been to the future. What I saw wasn’t pretty. All these years, I was sure Skynet was going to bring about the death of the human race. But who knew it’d be civil war caused by an age-old conflict: Mac vs. PC?

Citizens of the Internet, you see it every day – Mac and PC users blindly firing shots at each other, back and forth, without end. What’s sad is that many of these people (on both sides – don’t kid yourself) do so without any idea as to the facts behind their own statements. They operate on hearsay, rather than formulating opinions for themselves.

I like to think I have a well-rounded perspective on the issue. As an IT guy who supports and uses both platforms, I know that both have their pros and cons. And my personal preference for Microsoft Windows doesn’t mean I’m going to criticize someone for choosing a Mac. That said, for the sake of educating the naive on both sides, here are my thoughts on Mac vs. PC:

“Macs are so over-priced.”

Yes, I’m starting this off by defending Apple. Ignorant PC users often complain that Macs are over-priced. Really? It’s true that you’ll probably shell out more for a Mac at your local Best Buy than you will for a PC. But have you looked at the hardware you get for that price?

Apple designs their hardware to be beautiful. It appeals to the senses. Smooth curves, aluminium unibody construction, sleek form factors… My sister’s iMac looks and feels awesome as part of the decor in her living room. I pick up a Macbook Pro, and it’s clear to me that it’s built well. I have an iPad, and I can tell you that it is solid. I toss it around all the time without ever worrying about it snapping or cracking. That’s more than what I can say about my notebook.

If these are things you place value on, then you aren’t wasting your money. Most PC manufacturers don’t pay that much attention to those details, and that’s why you pay them less. An exception: You’ll usually pay more for a Sony Vaio; But, well, look at them. They’re beautiful, and they’re built with high-quality materials. You get what you pay for.

“Macs never get viruses.”

People who insist that Macs simply do not get viruses – These are the people who make me laugh. Your Mac not getting a virus is not the result of good security. Here’s the truth of the matter:

For years, PCs have held the vast majority of market share in the computing world. If you’re writing malicious software, and you want to hit as many computers as possible, are you going to write it for a platform that only 1% of computers run on? Of course not.

Here’s a scary thought: With Mac popularity (and with it, market share) skyrocketing, virus programmers are seeing a much tastier target in Apple products. And because, up to now, OS X was left relatively untouched, Apple is facing the enormous task of plugging security holes that were largely ignored for years.

The fact is that Macs can and do fall victim to malware, with more and more viruses being written for them.

I use a PC, yet I never get hit by malware. Your best defense on the internet is, as always, common sense. (See: Discount Pharmaceuticals – Get ‘em While They’re Hot!)

“Everything on my Mac just works.”

Come on, people. Your Macs crash all the time. I see it happen all the time. Some of the most unstable computers I’ve worked with were made by Apple. But you know what? PC users don’t have it any better.

Software is written by imperfect developers who miss things and make mistakes. Windows and OS X are both full of bugs, but they’re getting better. Mac OS X is, for the most part, very stable. Guess what? So is Windows 7.

Some Mac users claim that PC users constantly have to deal with installing drivers. I’ve used Windows 7 since it was released, and I can’t remember the last time a peripheral didn’t just work on its own. Granted, you do run into problems with some devices on Windows, but there are simply so many more available. Mac peripherals are fewer in number, so quality control is easier.

Both platforms have some truly amazing and innovative products. Case in point: Time Machine is a superb backup product. Well done, Apple.

“PCs are real computers. You can’t do real work on a Mac.”

Someone said those words to me last week, verbatim. It’s funny, if you consider that the PC is definitely the dominant platform in the gaming community.

You can be just as productive on a Mac as you can be on a PC. You may do it with different software at times, but there isn’t much you can do on Windows that you can’t on OS X, anymore.

Chill Out

There are things I like about Macs and PCs alike. There are also aspects of both that frustrate me immensely.

To PC users: The next time you’re about to blindly criticize someone for using a Macbook instead of a Dell, think first. Consider that calling them a “fanboy” actually makes you seem strangely obsessive, yourself. So just be cool. To each his/her own.

To Mac users: I understand the appeal of the platform you choose to use. Just remember that your computer is not immune to the viruses you tease PC users about, and no computer is 100% stable, all the time. Still, I have to say that Macbook Pros are sexy. I’d love to buy one and put Windows on it

Kudos to Apple for those funny commercials, but unless you work for their marketing department, this isn’t a war. So if Skynet wants us dead, let’s not make it any easier for it by killing each other over our choice of computers.

This crunchy poast was inspired by a series of tweets by Jeff Broderick. I don’t know him, but he seems like an interesting dude. And he definitely isn’t ignorant or naive. Thanks for the inspiration to write, Mr. Broderick.

I just watched nearly all of my blog’s bandwidth be consumed in a matter of hours. Someone decided to take a funny GIF image that I had hosted here and link directly to it on their site. Thousands of visitors (to their site, not mine) later, I was getting warnings from my host.

I’m not talking about image ownership. I didn’t create it, and I have no idea who did; But a copy of it does sit on my server, and I pay every time someone downloads it from there.

If you choose to leech an image off someone else’s site instead of hosting it yourself, beware – You leave the content on your site open to whatever the image owner or host decides to replace it with.

An awful lot of sites and blogs on the web will now find the clip of Zefram Cochrane they so thoughfully leeched off my blog replaced with something… else.

Thanks for the laugh, guys. But one question: What’s a “PAWG,” anyway?

I used to be such a stick in the mud.

I know what you’re thinking. “What, a boring Canadian? Poppycock!” Hard to believe, I know. But not all of us are magical, axe wielding, syrup chugging, beaver riding lumberjacks who drink Liquid Rad for breakfast and party like it’s 1999.

Dancing With Himself from CRANK media. Thanks for immortalizing this, Mike.

Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

There was a time when I wouldn’t even dance or sing karaoke, for fear of embarrassing myself. That’s right, I was afraid of embarrassing myself. This may come as a shock to those who know me now, or even read my Twitter feed.

Why so serious?

I’m always reminded of a time I was at a gathering of sorts with my girlfriend at the time, several years ago. Karaoke began, and like a stubborn bull shark, I refused to participate. I thought I would look stupid and embarrass myself. What I couldn’t see, at the time, was that in refusing to let loose and have a little fun with everyone else, I just made myself look like a colossal tool.

Ah, the bull shark – the ocean’s party pooper. Would it kill him to smile once in a while? Nobody likes a stick in the mud. There’s a time and place for everything; But when you take yourself too seriously, most of the time, you just end up repulsing others.

Just Dance

How rad.

Deer are terrible dancers. They have four left feet. I dance like a deer. I have no idea what I’m doing, and most of the time, I just make it up as I go along. But I still do it, because it’s fun. Observers usually fall into one of several categories:

• Those who think I look like an idiot
• Those who won’t dance, but deep down, desperately want to run up and join me
• Those who see a light-hearted guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously to enjoy life

Push Yourself Outside Your Comfort Zone

At some point, I came to realize that life offers so much more when you stop being so afraid and just throw yourself out there. And the more you step outside your comfort zone, the more comfortable being uncomfortable becomes.

Laugh like it’s nobody’s business, sing like you’re in the shower, and dance like nobody’s watching you.

62,487 rules, minus 62,467. Following these simple rules will add twenty years to your life span. I promise.

Rules for Dealing with Two-Year-Olds

1. When crouching for any longer than five seconds, assume that you will be giving an enterprising two-year-old a piggy back ride.
2. Always lock the bathroom door. If you’re being followed by a two-year-old, assume that said two-year-old will try to open the door and come in after you.
3. Wear a cup when play fighting. If you are female… Well, lucky you, then.
4. If you buy a Transformer for one of them, you must buy a Transformer for each of them. Transformers are unshareable commodities.
5. Everything you say can and will be used against you at some point. Your two-year-old friend will repeat anything you say, and it will always be at the most inopportune time.

Situations That Must be Solved with a Dropkick

Lots of things have happened on The Internet since I was last here. Let’s get this rolling with a list:

• I moved to Toronto (in “real life,” not on The Internet).
• I texted a random picture of badgers to an anonymous person (this is known as “bexting”).
• I exploded a waffle cone of ice cream all over my pants (just bear with me here, please).
• My clone chased a flying receipt a block down Bloor Street (it wasn’t me, I swear).
• I had my will broken by a colossal, unbeatable gobstopper (I give up).

The Evidence

Oatmeal says I'm 74% addicted Twitter. How much more addicted than that are you?

My dear brother, Mark, is one of those rare people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. When he brought up the sheer amount of Twittering I do with some calculations, I’ll admit to having been taken slightly aback. But I truly appreciated what it made me consider. Behold:

• Over the course of three years, I’ve posted nearly 25,000 tweets.
• If you assume it takes one minute to write each tweet, that amounts to 416 solid hours of tweeting.
• If you were to consolidate all that tweeting into one contiguous block of time, you’d be typing tweet after tweet for over 17 days straight.
• This doesn’t even take into account the time spent reading other people’s tweets.

The Defense

True internet addiction can be very debilitating. But using a service like Twitter regularly and making it a part of your life doesn’t necessarily mean you have some sort of sickness or crazy dependency. What about the benefits that such a tool brings?

Making friends. I can say, without hesitation, that I have connected with some of the most interesting people I know through Twitter. I’ve made friends that I can see myself being friends with for years to come. I’ve shared laughs and made great memories with great people who I never would have met, had it not been for Twitter. I wouldn’t give that up for anything – Not even bacon.

Accessing knowledge. Twitter is full of people who are so much smarter than I am. How many times have I had a question about something that I could easily find the answer to with 15 minutes of research, answered in 60 seconds flat by posing a quick question to The Twitterverse? You can ask, answer, and engage; And have fun doing so.

Laughing. There is so much humour on Twitter; So much brilliant wit. There are so many times throughout the week when a tweet will catch my eye, making me stop and laugh out loud. The 140 character limit is really good for a quick joke that will bring a smile to your day.

Expressing thoughts more concisely. Yes, I still have that flair for making short stories ridiculously long. But spending 17 days writing tweets does tend to force you to express your written thoughts more concisely. You’d be amazed at how much better something sounds when written with less words.

I Hate Gobstoppers

It’s true that, from time to time, it’s easy to start tweeting about absolutely inane things that nobody cares about. Case in point: I highly doubt that anyone really gave a crap about the status of that colossal unbeatable gobstopper. But maybe a tweet like that once in a while just makes you a little more human to the majority of your followers, who may never actually get a chance to see your beautiful face in person.

Either way, I’m thankful to Mark for giving me something to think about… And even better, for giving me something write about. Love you, bro.

If you’re on Twitter, come drop me a line. I don’t bite… Unless you’re a gobstopper. Obligatory wink: