Truly Madly Deeply

Go Green!

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:24:00 +0000

Go Green! by nagsthecook featuring alexander mcqueen scarves

Bailey 44 striped dress
$112 - stylebop.com

V neck cardigan
$50 - modcloth.com

Nina Ricci leather flat
$209 - barneys.com

Michael Kors platform sandals
£229 - farfetch.com

Mulberry shoulder strap bag
$775 - lagarconne.com

Kate spade handbag
$395 - nordstrom.com

Alexander mcqueen scarve
£315 - liberty.co.uk

Books: FASHION: 150 Years of Couturiers, Designers, Labels (Hardcover)...
$50 - tower.com

Styles I Like

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 06:30:00 +0000

Recently got hooked to Polyvore. Here's the first collection I put together for a weekend at the beach (a stylish one at that). Man! I would love to own that bag one day.

You make me beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:34:00 +0000

If you are expecting (or fearing) a sappy post after reading the title, sorry to disappoint.

I had the opportunity to go back to school for a week and in spite of my hesitation to apply for this corporate program, I am glad I did. Like all things in my life, it was actually for the best.

So as I sat in class trying not to count the number of years since I was last a student, my mind wandered. I started thinking about things, generally about life, where I am now, what I would want to do, you know... things.

And it's funny. The one thing that kept coming back to my mind was this fall out I had with a friend. It happened a while back and I don't even remember the reasons clearly anymore, but I guess I was never at peace about it. As always, I was convinced I had done nothing wrong and I was wronged instead and I deserve more than this and all that stuff we tell ourselves when we are feeling a bit sorry for ourselves.

Then I decided to put the emotional part aside and think about it objectively. Instead of thinking about the reasons in terms of incidents or things we said to each other, I tried to think about us as people. And then it struck me. Neither of us are bad people (especially me). Neither of us are bad friends either. The problem was not with any one of us, it's with both of us, together.

Let me explain.

As an individual, I am just an average person. I like to be liked, I try (sometimes too hard) to be good to people. I always reply all emails even random people send me. I make an effort to stay in touch. I don't argue with points of view. You know, just your Average Annie. This friend of mine is an Average Annie too. She is different from me in many many ways but there's nothing really that stands out about her or her personality.

However, when we come together (or rather, came together after a few years of being apart and not really keeping in touch), we couldn't stand each other. I have already banged my head on the wall trying to figure out why. But it seems like there's really no one or two reasons. When we came together, that mix didn't work. What I say made her defensive, what she said made me go WTF, and it was all downhill from there. I tried my darnedest to make it work though. Maybe she did in her own way too.

Either ways, I need to let this ship sail. And it's good to do that with a learning, which goes thusly:
It's not possible for you to be the same with everyone, or be liked by everyone. Some people bring out the best in you (marry one of those people, btw, if you are not opposed to marriage). Some people bring out the worst in you. Just stay clear of them. They hopefully bring out the best in others, so it's all fine.

PS: I would strongly argue that thinking about random things in life is totally agreeable in a marketing workshop. Especially if you end that reflection with a learning.

It's (still) a man's world

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 09:10:00 +0000

I studied in a school that was largely fair to both genders. Girls were treated the same as boys, there were no separate rows to seat them, no separate schedules for swimming classes, and you definitely wouldn't hear any teacher saying "boys will be boys" in an affectionate manner when they pulled a prank or did something unbearably naughty.

So I grew up with a firm belief that I need not be different from a guy in the way I was treated. Surprisingly, this worked well for me. Except for my graduate school excursion ("girls sit at the front of the bus, boys to the back, and remember, no mixing!", everywhere else things were pretty fine.

Then I got married to someone who has no misconceived notions of how a woman should act, spend her time, etc. He always shares things, asks for my opinion, and never assumes that I am willing and ready to cook tonight's dinner, every night. Fortunately, his family is the same. My in-laws don't believe or say that a girl's place is so-and-so and boys will be boys, and other such ridiculously archaic things.

However, things are not all that rosy at large, is it? Some signs that speak out to me:

- Whenever we eat out, I pay the bill with my card. It's just how we do things. Each time we ask for the bill, the waiter brings it and promptly places it on front of TH without checking which one of us is paying. That's still ok. I wave him over to my side and take the bill, keep my card in, and hand it back to him. He charges the card, brings it back and places it again in front of TH! This has happened every time. Every. Single. Time.

- Whoever wants to know why we don't have kids yet, reserves the question for me. TH is never asked, never questioned.

- For a short time, TH was a on a dependent visa sponsored by my company. When we were travelling somewhere and passing through immigration, the officer at immigration assumes that the dependent pass is mine and that we confused our passes as we were passing through! Seriously? Yes, seriously.

I am sure I have more stories but anyway, the bottom line is, it looks like it's still a man's world out there.

A new year and all that

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 06:27:00 +0000

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

Saw this quote on a blog today and it immediately called out to me. How true is that? I have been largely dormant in this blog but I think about it every day. I want to write, I have things to write about, I have thoughts to share, and life events passing by, but finding a voice has been tough. Getting the right words has been difficult. And then when I come around to it, the moment has passed.

Ironically, over the past month I have received a few (6, to be exact) emails from people who chanced upon this site. They say how they read back into the archives and how they related to most of what I had to say. A friend even found a post I had written about her ages back which I don't remember writing but the feelings I felt when I wrote the post came back for those few seconds when I re-read it.

But the bottom line is, I have moved on for the most part. The part of me that started this site and filled all those posts in the past has got up and left the room. What remains is an essence of myself (for lack of a better phrase) still lingering in the room that others find they can relate to.

That's good. It really is.

I hope to get back as the new me one of these days. Until then, I am not going to force it or grieve or be apologetic about the silence. Because I don't want to screw myself up with a picture of how it's supposed to be.

Happy new year, you all.

The caring husband

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 07:56:00 +0000

TH plays tennis regularly over weekends. Today he got back from his game and with a hint of 'the-poor-sucker-i-teased-him-to-death' tone says:

"Today is tennispartner's anniversary. He was saying how he got home late yesterday night and forgot to get his wife a gift. Looked quite worried in the morning and said he is going to get something before he heads home. Hehehe"

Me: "I don't know why you only have jerks for friends. Can't he atleast get her something if he knows she expects it? It will definitely make her happy and isn't that the whole point anyway?"

TH with a very straight face and without missing a beat: "Of course, and that's exactly what I told him too. What a slacker, no?"

Me: Yeah, right.

Anuraga Vilochananaayi Lyrics and Translation

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 02:22:00 +0000

A song I translated a few months back, posting it here. This song uses very traditional malayalam since the movie is a period movie in parts. I have tried my best to bring back the nuances of the language as I learnt in college but this is not 100% accurate. Did you get that, people who may pounce on me seeing my almost bordering on terrible translation skills? I don't claim this to be 100% accurate? OK? OK!

anuraagavilochananai athilere mohithanai padimele nilkkum chandrano thidukkam
Besotted with love, more so, with desire the moon waits at the steps in eagerness
pathinezhin paurnami kaanum azhakellamulloru poovinu ariyathinnenthe enthe ithalanakkam puthuminukkam..cherumayakkam..
like a flower that the full moon looks down [on the 17th night] why is there a slight movement of the petals, a newness, dreaminess

kaliyum chiriyum nirayum kanavil ilaneerozhuki kuliril
In a dream filled with laughter and fun, a dewdrop fell, coolly
thanalum veyilum punarum thodiyil mizhikal paayunnu kothiyil
To the fields that embrace shadows and sunshine, my eyes ran in craving (kothi means what you feel when you see food you love, so not exactly craving but something similar)
kaananullilulla bhayamo kaanaanereyulla rasamo
Is it in fear of seeing you or the fun in knowing there's lots to see [in you]
onnaivannirunnu veruthe padavil
We sat together on the steps, just like that [doing nothing]
kaathirippo vingalalle kaalminno maunamalle maunam theerillee
The wait is suffocating, the times are silent now, won't the silence end soon.

puzhayum mazhayum thazhukum shilayil pulakam pathivaai niraye
The statue that is always receiving rain and water is full of goosebumps
manassin nadayil viriyaaniniyum maranno nee neela malare
Have you forgotten to bloom on my heart's steps, oh blue flower
naanam poothu poothu kozhiye eenam kettu kettu kazhiye raavo yaathra poyi thaniye akalee
When my shyness blooms, the melody repeats itself, the night goes on a trip alone, afar
raakkadambin gandhamode raakkinavin chandamode veendum cherille
With the fragrance of night flowers, with the beauty of a dream in the night, won't we be rejoined

The Kindle and Me

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 03:11:00 +0000

When Amazon introduced the idea of an e-reader they decided to call The Kindle way back, I was skeptical. I was also a bit angry. How dare some American company try to replace books. What are they thinking? How can you ever take away the sensation of holding a book, smelling it's new-book-smell, turning the page and listening to the crinkling sound? Does this mean our grandkids may never even know what a proper book is?

Yes, I am sure a lot of you had similar thoughts. It's natural.

A few months later, I started hearing from friends who were using it. Every single one of them loved it. I was still a bit wary. How can you replace books, how? I saw that many people felt the same as me, some even taking pride in the fact that they are "old-fashioned that way". There's nothing old-fashioned about reading paper books, not yet anyway, in my opinion.

I decided to keep an eye on this Kindle thing. See how it goes. And I did.

Fast forward another two years. A couple of very good friends started using it and even strongly suggesting it. For my b'day this year, TH offered to get me one. The Kindle is not technically available in Singapore - meaning, Amazon sells it you if you buy it from their US site but the books are not meant for Singapore and they don't have the rights to sell them in this market. TH was looking at options to get it shipped here and we realised the price would be just over double what it costs in the US.

I opted for a watch as my b'day gift instead.

Then, I got to go to New York for a month. When I heard about this trip, I instantly decided I wanted a Kindle. It was like the decision was just there at the back of my mind and it popped out all ready and taken at the first chance. I ordered one the day I landed, and Amazon being as efficient as it is, I got it on the third day. By the fifth day, I had finished book one (yes, I read crazy fast and before you ask, the first book I read on my Kindle is Shit My Dad Says).

The Kindle I bought first

Then Amazon launched it's new range of Kindle and decreased the price of what I had bought by 40 dollars. I was back to being angry but for different reasons this time. I had also bought one as a gift so essentially I had paid ~80 dollars too much, not to mention the new cheaper version I could have gotten for much less.

I returned what they now call the Kindle Keyboard (+ one more I bought as a gift) and got the most basic version. I had to pay for the return shipping but it was still fine, I saved some money and got the latest version so all was well again.

The one I own now

It's been about 2 months now and I love the Kindle. I finally understand why anyone who has used one does the same - it's because they don't replace paper books, they complement them. I have, by no means, given up on borrowing paper books from the library or stopped buying cookbooks. I read more now because I have a great line-up of books to read on my Kindle and I have a timeline of 3 weeks for my library-borrowed books. The reading experience on a Kindle is fantastic and it's very light to carry with me everyday to read on my commute. I saw a video on the Amazon website saying that their mission with the Kindle was to make the reader forget they were on a device and to make the reading experience so seamless that it doesn't matter.

And I'd say they are succeeding, it doesn't matter to me anyway, not anymore. If you love reading, it shouldn't matter how you read (as long as you are not busting your eyes by reading on a tablet in the dark for prolonged hours or something). You can still love the smell of new paper books, I know I do, and still read them too. The choice is yours, and I chose to just read more.

I can't be happier.

If you are on the fence regarding an e-reader, I hope I have made you think again. Heck, I am sure I did and I didn't even have to use the whole think-about-all-the-trees-you-save-by-using-e-books line.

Disclaimer: this is not a paid endorsement.

These days

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:53:00 +0000

The past couple of weeks have probably been the most hectic in my work life. I realised a lot of things during that time. Things like, I am married to a person with what seems like an infinite amount of patience, at least compared to how I am wired. He does get frustrated and swears and curses a lot but it's never directed at me and never a response to anything I say, however unreasonable or unfair. I also realised I have been treating my closest friends the worst. Ignoring pings, fully taking for granted their understanding, sending curt one liners as responses to emails, expecting them to understand that this is not a good time and such things. They have fully met my expectations, to put it mildly.

You know when you are asked in an interview about how you handle stress and you go on about how calm and collected you would be and you even thrive under stress? Most of us would say that, I suppose. It's funny though, because unless you are actually met with a situation like that, how would you even know what your reaction would be? I had no clue I would behave the way I did, I always thought I would be calm and take one things at a time. I tried, but it didn't come naturally to me. I panicked, I screwed up here and there, I procrastinated and totally messed up prioritizing my work. Nothing resulted in the world ending, of course, but I learnt some things the hard way.

Anyway.

Back to work now.

Book Review - The Palace of Illusions

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 02:15:00 +0000

I started using GoodReads last month and totally love it. It makes it very easy to keep track of what I am reading and also discover new books, like-minded people, etc. I should joined ages ago! I just finished Palace of Illusions and shared a review on the site. They make it very easy to share reviews on your blog so I am going to force it down your throat as well. Have been using the new Kindle for the past couple of weeks. Expect a review soon!

The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I thought for a while whether I should give this book a 4 or a 5 and then decided to go with a 4, not because I didn't enjoy it thoroughly but because it lacks that something which would have made it perfect.

But let's not talk about that. This is still a must-read for anyone who wants to go on a roller-coaster ride through the intricacies of the Mahabharata. Considering how large the epic is, this book only skims through it in a very superficial manner. But it still does touch your heart in many ways. It did mine anyway.

The story is narrated from Panchaali's point of view. This is probably the most interesting thing about the book. While I have read many different versions, they were never told from a woman's stand-point and that makes a world of a difference. Her temper, stubborn nature, vanity, desires, all come out superbly well during the narration. Her love for Karna and her connection with Krishna - ah, beautiful.

As you can tell, I am totally smitten by the book and would definitely recommend that you give it a shot. I would be particularly interested to hear how someone who has no clue about the story of Mahabharata found it. Is it confusing, or magical for you too?

View all my reviews

Nomadic Tendencies

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 19:48:00 +0000

I have written about this many many times before but during my growing up years, I am positive I would settle down in Bangalore. I loved the city, the weather, the convenience, the proximity to get home, everything. I never wanted to head outside the country and even when my sister and my cousins spoke about it now and then, I have never once thought "I want to live abroad".

Things didn't quite work out as planned, to put it mildly. I have cribbed a lot about Singapore, mainly the weather. That has been and still is the one main issue I have with the place. While a lot of people I know, mostly the Europeans and the Canadians, love the heat, I can't stand it. So much so that each time I travel elsewhere, I don't want to go back.

But is weather really that important? Well, yes and no. If I think back on the places I've lived so far, it's interesting to see that the trend has always been "move out at the first right opportunity".

Kottayam during my growing years - I knew I would move out, settling down in Kottayam was never even remotely part of the plan and I would have been very surprised (and probably frustrated) if that had happened.

Hyderabad - There was a strong dislike to the place when I moved there but it grew on me pretty quickly, mainly because of the independence and the great workplace and friends I made. Those days will forever be one of the best phases of my life. I did want to move out at some point though and even considered Gurgaon *shudder* briefly.

Singapore - I like many things about it but it's not for long term, no.

When I went to Sydney last year and now that I am in New York, the wish to move out of Singapore is even stronger. 3 years is a long time and I am already quite spoilt by the quiet efficiency, safety, and cleanliness of the place. Any longer and I feel I will settle down there all grumpy about the weather, for the rest of my life.

The point of this post though was to remind myself that no place is perfect. Although I have never wished to move around a lot (in fact I am all for settling down in one place), I see that changing. I find fault with pretty much any place, I find good things about pretty much any place, and then imagine living there. For the first year I was away, I considered moving back to India every single day. Now that has died down a bit, for better or for worse.

Let's see how things work out. Of course, you will hear about it if and when things go my way. They have an eery way of working out though, if the past is anything to go by ;)

Days like this

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:41:00 +0000

This blog has seen more drafts in the past 3-4 months than it has in all the years of it's existence. I don't know what to make of that. Probably I am losing my touch to write about things other than food, maybe I have moved on, maybe social networking does eat into your blogging time and willingness, I don't know.

I am in New York now. I have always wanted to visit, was even planning a vacation here with TH, but now that I am here, I am glad I didn't spend on what would have been a pretty expensive trip personally. Like someone told me, it's like any other city, and it's very different from what I expected.

For one, the buildings are beautiful. I thought there would be more steel and glass but actually there's more of brick and wood. Of all the things people told me before my trip - things like the subway is filthy, don't go out alone in the night, the office building is the most confusing one ever, the bagels are great, Times Square is crazy, definitely watch a broadway show - no one told me how gorgeous the buildings are. Or maybe that's something no one really notices but that's the first thing that caught my eye.

I haven't done anything touristy because TH is joining me in another week. I can't wait. I miss him a lot but it's not the older kind when I used to be miserable without him around. Now it's more of, I wish he was here to talk to, enjoy this walk with me, try this pizza, share this cupcake and things like that. Maybe I grew up. Nevertheless, there's an immense amount of comfort in missing him. It means I still care, and as much as that may sound silly, that's comforting.

I met a pre-degree (11th and 12th) friend after 11 years. For one, I couldn't believe it's been 11 years since we last met. I still feel 16 I guess. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. She hadn't changed one bit but both of us were definitely more mature, with a husband each and an extended family each, it's tough not to be. She kept telling me that I haven't changed one bit and was still as pretty as ever. I found that very amusing because I don't remember being pretty at 16 (I think 22-24 was my best years in the looks department) and I am definitely not the same size as I was back then. Either ways, her comment was comforting.

After many attempts, we finally managed a few decent pictures together. For some strange reason, I don't feel like putting it up on Facebook. Or Google+, before you ask. Maybe because she is from a part of my life that was very different.

I think this post is much like the weather today in Manhattan. Grey.

Edited to add: As I was labeling this post, I realised I actually have labels that say First Trip Abroad and Second Trip Aboard. That made me smile :)

Friday Evenings

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:37:00 +0000

I am positive that if you look back into the old posts on this blog, most of them would be posted on a Friday evening. That's usually when I find myself at my desk, work for the week mostly wrapped up (or duly postponed), relieved that I don't need to wake up early (not that 7:30 is particularly early), and just happy not to have to do the whole routine until Monday.

(Ok gotta run but I am going to publish this because of late I have been saving too many posts without publishing. More later)

Thursday Thirteen #9

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 07:10:00 +0000

13 things I want to do before I turn 30

1. Bake the perfect macaron
2. Lose 5kg, get fitter (shared goal with TH)
3. Visit one place in Europe - either Italy, Switzerland, or the UK
4. Hang out with my girls, preferably in Hyderabad
5. Decide once and for all if I am going to have a baby or not
6. Explore baking lessons or selling baked goods as a part-time job
7. Take a knife skills class
8. Do my hair again - straightened or permed
9. Take a family vacation with the in-laws.
10. Work towards what I want at work
11. Grow my own herbs
12. Learn one new traditional Indian recipe a month
13. Care only about the people and things that deserve it.

I would have said "Visit NYC" in the list for sure if I wasn't already going there in 10 days' time. Its going to be a good month, I know it :)

A Memory

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:59:00 +0000

Back in the day when I was doing MBA, we used to travel to different places in Kerala for management meets. One such time, we had gone to Cochin. Since the train was early morning and we reached there in time for breakfast, one of my friends invited the bunch of us to his place for breakfast. I was the only girl in the group of 5 or 6. His mom had set the table with delicious appam and egg curry among other things and we ate well. Once done, I thought I'd help her clean up. Seeing me follow her into the kitchen, she immediately stopped me outside the door, took the dirty plates from me, and said "ithu penpillerde sthiram adavaa. Mattullavarde kitchen kaanan sahahiyukkunna pole abhinayikkuka".

Translated roughly to: This is a trick girls often play. They pretend to offer to help so that they can see others' kitchens.

I don't remember her words exactly of course so the harshness may be exaggerated here. I didn't say anything, just blinked in wonder and started handing her the plates at the kitchen door. This is probably the most outrageous "accusation" I've ever had to face and that's probably why this particular memory is etched in my mind. I don't remember any other details from the day, even who was with me and why exactly we were there.

Needless to say, I was least interested (back then) to see how her kitchen looked!

Wilting Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 04:00:00 +0000

Lila was pissed. The morning started terrible when her plans to make fresh paneer went down the drain (literally) when all the milk curdled, leaving barely enough for morning coffee for her and Rehaan. Then her favourite vase slipped from her hands as she was dusting it, leaving a long crack along the side that she was trying hard to ignore all day. Then her mom called saying she wasn't feeling well and was going for a medical check up later in the day and could she come and stay home with appa tomorrow. She was nervous and jittery about her mom's health and this in turn resulted in burnt papads on the lunch table. Yes, the day was definitely not going well.

Lila thought about how she has been craving mangoes for the past week, but since the season was almost over, there were none in the fruits market nearby. The guy at the stall kept saying he may have them later in the week but she checked back a few times only to come home empty-handed. She has been telling Rehaan about how much she wanted one last mango before the season was completely over. He just kept nodding as she expressed her wish.

The only bright part of the day was that in the morning when she went to do get her usual groceries, she saw mangoes being unloaded from trucks into the fruit stalls. She didn't have enough money to get them now and the ATM was a 12 minute walk away which she wasn't willing to do in the heat. She was sure Rehaan would notice the fresh stock and get some for her. After all, she has been talking about it for the past week!

Rehaan had had a bad day at work too. His boss was out sick and he had to do both their jobs pretty much through the day, attending to clients, sitting in meetings he had very little context and almost nothing to contribute, and barely enough time to get lunch in between. By 7:00, he was drained and just wanted to get home to Lila and the hot dinner she would have made for him. As he walked home, he remembered how much she loved jasmine flowers and decided to make a small detour and get some for her. They were expensive in this country but he felt he should indulge today. After getting a small newspaper-wrapped packet from the florist, he decided to walk the rest of the way home, ignoring his growling stomach.

Lila opened the door, fully expecting a bag of mangoes to be thrust at her. Instead, she noticed Rehaan's arms seemed empty and he wasn't even looking at her while removing his shoes. "You didn't get the mangoes?" she demanded? "Mangoes? What mangoes?" Rehaan asked, placing the flowers down and heading to get his towel. "The mangoes that I have been craving all week! I saw some being delivered today but didn't have enough money to buy them. I thought you would get them for me on the way!" She was fuming by now.

"Oh" he said before heading into the shower.

"Oh? OH?! Is that all he has to say? He never thinks of me, always busy with work as if he is the only one doing any work in this house. Does he realise how much effort it takes from me to make it look the way it does? Cook for him and clean up and look after all those plants he seems to love just looking at? He doesn't care about me!!" Lila was angry and upset and tears streamed from her eyes as she headed to the kitchen to serve dinner.

The jasmin flowers lay on the coffee table, ignored.

Too Much Information

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:00:00 +0000

Ok I think I am finally going to admit it. Social Media is screwing my happiness. I think. No I am sure. I can so imagine TH rolling his eyes now in a very I-told-you-so fashion.

Here's the long story. Actually there isn't one. Sorry if I am frustrating the small bunch of you who actually read my blog.

Ok the thing is, anyone who is reasonably popular (cough) online has to go through criticism. I have a pretty okay blog over at www.cookingandme.com. People seem to like what I do there. With all due humility, its exhilarating to know that. But along with all those folks who appreciate what you do, there will always be those who don't like your writing style, or your template, or your weird comments, or your food photos. Or even you (gulp). See, that's hard for me to digest. I know many people who are unapologetically bitchy and insensitive and they are that way because they don't give a damn what others think of them. Sadly, I am not made that way. What others think of me matters a lot, maybe even too much.

After a couple of tweets and back-bitching rumours from last week, I am a bit scarred. My birthday (which btw was yesterday) got slightly ruined but got quickly salvaged thanks to TH. I even get nightmares sometimes, can you believe it. Even though I may not even know these folks who talk about me, it comes around to me somehow thanks to the awfully well-connected social world we have around us.

So I am blaming all this social bullshit going on now. Yes I love it. Yes I am in the thick of it. But I can't help thinking that sometimes it just ruins my day.

So there are two things I can do. Either delete and log off these sites and wonder what to do with all the free time, or develop a thick skin (any miracle medicine for this?) and don't give a damn about people who don't deserve it anyway.

What do you suggest? I think I know.

8 Reasons Why You Should be Glad You are not a Working Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 12:35:00 +0000

1. We live in times of a "transition phase". Our men are open-minded enough to "adjust" to a working spouse and help out in household stuff, but not "evolved" enough to take over half of everything. Until that happens, as a working woman, you end up doing a lot - work full time, handle the house, kids, etc. That's really not fun and I am sure that's why Indian women are so stressed. Its simple, we are trying to do it all in the name of independence. Its ironic, actually.

2. Being financially independent makes you see the world differently. Some good, some bad. The bad can get terrible. Like really terrible. You buy a muffin every day from Starbucks and noone asks you what the heck you are doing. But imagine what that can do to your waistline, not to mention the wallet. One expands, the other contracts.

3. You can't watch the amazing day time television specifically tailored for women. If you have seen Vaalkannadi on Asianet, you know what I'm talking about. Ooooh and the mega serial reruns too.

4. Your kids don't get to see you when they get back from school. As a kid who absolutely hated it when my mom was not around when I got back from school, I can vouch for the fact that those of you who stick around for them, you are making happier citizens of tomorrow.

5. Did I mention the hazards of too many muffins already? Ah, worth mentioning again.

6. Your leaves are dependent on your boss. And the company. And your team members. And projects. Taking a leave causes as much stress, if not more, than just going to work anyway with no vacation!

7. You are 40% likelier to die earlier if you sit at your desk ~6 hours per day than those who roam around during the day without being pinned to a desk.

8. Eating out is a treat and not a necessity. I personally miss the times when going to a restaurant was a one-off rather than a weekly affair. Yes, I'm complaining, in a way.

I know I could easily do a post that gives 8 reasons why women should work. But sometimes, when I am super stressed with a lot of work, and then have to come home and make dinner, and I barely have time to hit the bed after, I do wish I could wake up when I want and just sit around watching Oprah reruns. Yeah it could be a phase. Or just a case of grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side, etc.

All opinions my own, and don't necessarily reflect my actual life. Especially the muffins.

Update on previous post

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 10:18:00 +0000

I tried to post an update to this but somehow the words are not coming out right. If I post it, all of you are going to pounce on me with open claws :) Maybe when I get a better idea of how to word what I want to say, the post will show up.

Sorry.

Life, Career, Me - I

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 03:15:00 +0000

I come from a relatively conservative Indian community and family. My parents' general outlook and religious views changed drastically when I entered my teens and so I never really had to rebel for anything. I have been agnostic ever since I can remember. They were ok with me having friends who were boys (a boyfriend was still taboo I suppose), I could talk on the phone when I wanted (although super long conversations were frowned upon because it was just a waste of money to talk to someone for that long when I see them every day anyway), I was never given a timeline to get home (in Kerala, its usually 6pm, ie, before dark), etc.

Most women, and even men, in my community don't give much importance to education. Of course there are exceptions but since almost everyone was involved in family businesses over generations, it just wasn't necessary to aspire for an elite B-school or become a doctor or go into law. While growing up, for many reasons, I was marriage-phobic. The very idea used to make me nauseated. For the longest time, I used to tell my mom and my grand mom "I am never getting married" and they would often indulge me with an "ok don't. What's the point anyway?".

As a girl of 13 or 14 who didn't plan on getting hitched, I had only course to take. Study, study hard, get a job, and be financially independent. I would be among the handful of girls to do this in my family and the mere feeling was a high. There was a lot of encouragement from family to do just this (although the no-marriage idea was mostly ignored).

So study I did. I was never a first-rank-holder-super-brainy-whiz-kid but I was street smart, I could talk, I had a decent grasp of the English language, and best of all, I was all these things because I had to be. There was actually no other option. At the end of a bachelors in Math, which I hemmed and hawed through, and a masters in Marketing and Human Resources, where economics and accounting was a bitch, I went out into the big bad world for my first job.

to be continued...

Rebecca Black is Back with her "My Moment"

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 08:16:00 +0000

Remember that (slightly enraged) post I wrote about Rebecca Black? Well she is back with a new video called My Moment and it already has more dislikes than likes on Youtube. Its still early days though so the trend could move either ways.

Dear Me

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 15:10:00 +0000

I have seen this in many blogs before and have ever since wanted to do this myself. Here's a letter I am writing 25-year old me, that is, 3 years back. There you go, you know my age now.

Dear 25-year-old-me,

- Don't be too upset about having to quit Google. You will be rehired in precisely three months.
- Use the two month break in Singapore more productively than watching Oprah and Ellen Degeneres reruns and Grey's Anatomy online. You will wish for a break later on but may not get it.
- The first year of marriage will be tough. Once you both settle down into life with each other, it gets better, I promise.
- You will get better at photography and blogging and will be buying an SLR soon, so don't obsess about it and stress yourself out.
- That Egypt trip you and TH have been dreaming out? Yep, that will happen in another year.
- You will move into a condo and realise its not a big deal. HDBs are good enough.
- You will visit Sydney and fall in love with the place.
- You will go to the US and shop for all those things in your wishlist that you couldn't afford the first time around.
- You will make some great friends online, be prepared for the awesomeness. At the same time, one of them will backstab you, but don't worry, you will get over it very quick.
- A friend you had lost touch with will come back into your life asking for help. Don't go overboard trying to help. She's not worth it and you will end up more hurt than any friend has ever hurt you.
- You will not mind not knowing Hindi as much as you did in Hyderabad. In Singapore, Hindi movies have English subtitles!
- You will suddenly develop a fear of escalators. It will be a pain in the ass so keep an eye out for what could've caused it.
- You won't hate the idea of moving out of India as much as you did the first few months. But sadly, Singapore won't grow on you so soon.
- Your love grows through all imperfections.
- You will own a Kitchenaid.
- Your aatha will die and change the way you think about life forever. Its a good change, welcome it.
- Amma will do a knee replacement surgery and be able to walk better than in the past so many years. It will all go well.
- The best is yet to come.

Love, Almost-29-year-old-me

One of those days

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 14:44:00 +0000

A friend and I were talking about this. It looks like my interest or inclination towards writing in this blog has dwindled. It could be many reasons, but I feel its mainly two things. The fact that I need to be careful and think twice about what I write, plus the sheer amount of effort it takes to put my thoughts down in a coherent form, keeping the previous point in mind.

Its a pity though. I love writing. I love coming back at some future date and reading what I've written. It connects me to a part of me that no longer exists. A part of me that felt a particular way that my current self finds intriguing and even amusing. Thanks for planting this idea in my head Manki.

If I continue writing now, its going to be morose. In fact, I typed a paragraph here on how short life is and then decided to delete that (something I never do, I just save in drafts; but I want to publish this post). Because as I type this, I am alone on the 15th floor of a hotel in Seoul. 6 years earlier, I didn't even know the capital of Korea. I visited the Samsung HQ today. I realised Samsung does much more than electronics; they do clothing, and real estate and a gazillion other things. And Hyundai is not pronounced the way we pronounce it. Its hyann-day.

All that's good, now if only I could get some sleep! Argh!!

PS: what a lousy post.

Pots and Rice

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 06:43:00 +0000

I was probably 7 or 8 at the time. Coming to think of it, my love for cooking was apparent then too. I had miniature versions of pots and pans in steel (as I guess most kids did back then) and used to obsessively play with them through the summer holidays. To kick things up a notch, amma got me slightly larger-sized pots and pans that year, one of which was a small earthen pot that's used to cook rice (the Kerala manchatti in which the fiery fish curries are also made).

One day, I decided I wanted real rice to play with so I went to our maid Lilly (I was as close to her as a kid as I was to my own mom and there are stories of how I used to recognize her footsteps as a baby and call out "Illaaa" cuz I couldn't pronounce Lilly). Anyway, I went to Lilly and asked for rice. I assume she never said no to me because I did get a fistful of rice and ran back with it in my small earthen pot.

I dunked some water into the pot and set it on the make-believe fire balancing it on three bricks set in a triangle. I wished the water would boil and the rice would cook. Then I decided, why not. I went to the backyard, got some dried coconut fibre and asked Lilly to help me set it on fire. She did it fully knowing its going to be nothing but a spark since there's no fuel helping the flames along.

While I stared at the disappointingly small flames dancing along the edges of the coconut fibre, my brother came to check on me. He is a good 11 years older than me so allowed to play with things like kerosene and matchsticks. He suggested we pour some kerosene on the coconut fibre and that will get it roaring. My mom came in hearing this and of course that idea was never executed. "But let's use those super dry twigs (used commonly in actual kitchens where there was no cooking gas) we have at the back. That should catch fire much quicker and stay steady longer."

Soon, me, akka, anna, and Lilly were huddled over the small earthen pot, balanced on three bricks, cooking rice, fueled by dry twigs.

After almost 2 hours, lots of blowing through an iron pipe to keep the flame alive, lots of coal and coughing later, it was done. We had to feed the rice to our dog Hippy because I hadn't remembered to wash the rice before we started. Come on, I was 7!

Interesting Pinterests

noreply@blogger.com (Nagalakshmi V) — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 05:30:00 +0000

I recently got on board another fad that's going around the Internet - Pinterest. Especially like the last one, I had to learn that lesson a very hard and painful way. It still lingers.