trustmeiamnotageek: mindwriting

Some Good...Some Bad...So What? I just keep going.

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Thu, 12 May 2011 17:24:00 +0000

Got not to very good news this afternoon. Baru aja balik dari dokter, konsul mingguan seperti biasa.

First thing is the bad news that I told you about in the begining! Kemotherapy-nya harus dilanjutkan hingga 12 kali lagi. Kali ini dengan jadwal 2x24 jam kemotherapy, kemudian 2 minggu istirahat...kemudian kemotherapy lagi 2x24 jam...begitu terus hingga 6 bulan dan mencapai total 12 kali kemotherapy Dan obat yang digunakan juga kali ini akan berbeda dari sebelumnya. Basically masih sama, 5-FU karena itu adalah base dari obat kemotherapy untuk colon cancer. Jadi masih akan ada Oxaliplatin lagi, Avastin ditambah dengan satu obat baru yaitu Folfox.

Ada satu hal lagi yang akan berubah dengan rentetan treatment kali ini, yaitu jalur masuknya obat kemotherapy. Kalo 10 cycle kemotherapy lalu yang melalui infus seperti biasa (lewat pembuluh darah di lengan), maka untuk kali ini akan melalui Port-a-cath. Port-a-cath sendiri akan ditanam di dada melalui sebuah operasi kecil.

Good news-nya! Menurut istriku, kalo dokter masih menyarankan untuk kemotherapy lanjutan, berarti harapan sembuhnya masih sangat besar :D Dan berita baik lainnya, cancer yang di colon sudah tidak ada, sisanya tinggal yang di paru-paru dan beberapa pada tulang. But still, there's alot of hope that it will getting better.

Btw, ini udah lama banget gak nulis blog...tiba-tiba malam ini sepulangnya dari dokter, dapet wangsit buat nulis blog :P

Menjadi Orangtua

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:54:00 +0000

Menjadi orang tua memang mengasyikan, terlebih ketika kita melihat anak kita tumbuh berkembang dengan segala macam kepintarannya, baik itu kepintaran "ngakali" atau "pintar" yang sesungguhnya, semua itu sangat menarik untuk dinikmati ataupun diberikan senyuman.

Orangtua jaman sekarang, kalo saya lihat-lihat dan pikir, sudah sangat jauh berbeda wawasan maupun cara pandangnya dengan orangtua kita dulu. Banyak hal yang berbeda, dari cara mendidik, cara memandang permasalahan, cara memanjakan, cara memarahi dan lain-lain (iri saya dengan anak-anak jaman sekarang, pada umumnya dalam keluarga yang sebegitu demokratisnya). Anak-anak sekarang pun kelihatannya sesuai dengan jamannya, memiliki hal-hal yang tidak kita miliki dulu (dalam arti positif tentunya), seperti misalnya sifat kritis, tingkat keingin tahuan yang kadarnya sangat jauh lebih tinggi dibanding dengan kita dulu (atau mungkin dengan saya dulu), maupun kehausan akan segala macam hal yang ada pada lingkungannya, termasuk mempertanyakan kenapa sesuatu hal itu boleh atau tidak dia lakukan (hmmm....kalo saya dulu sampai sekarang dituntut untuk 'manut' sama orangtua, bahkan hingga setua ini, walaupun pada hasil akhirnya saya adalah seorang pemberontak tulen).

Terus terang, saya belajar dari apa yang pernah diajarkan orangtua saya, dalam mendidik anak saya saat ini. Hal yang kurang baik tidak saya terapkan, hal yang baik bisa kita contoh, plus, improvisasi dari apa yang saya pelajari sendiri dalam hidup. Hmmmm...is it enough? I don't think so...mungkin kadang kali harus tambal sulam disana-sini...walau lagi-lagi belum tentu benar juga. Karena kemungkinannya besar sekali bahwa saya dan anak saya masih sama-sama belajar. Belajar hidup. Belajar memahami. Belajar tentang segala sesuatu yang ada didunia ini. Sama-sama belajar dari kesalahan. Sama-sama belajar dari keberhasilan. Saling menyemangati satu sama lain. Karena saya, istri dan anak saya adalah siswa-siswa kehidupan. Tidak ada yang menjadi guru. Semua murid...hanya saja ada yang lebih dulu duduk di kelas, itu saja yang membedakan. Pada sisi itu, kita juga harus hati-hati jangan sampai terjebak. Jangan mentang-mentang kita lebih tua, lebih kaya pengalaman duduk di kelas kehidupan, kita lebih tahu banyak hal. Terkadang pemahaman saya mungkin lebih buruk dibandingkan pemahaman anak saya. Atau mungkin, ada kelas-kelas kehidupan tertentu yang saya 'membolos', sehingga gak ngeh dengan apa yang menjadi inti pelajarannya. Atau mungkin, pelajaran yang saya dapatkan dulu sudah tidak up-to-date lagi bila dibandingkan dengan apa yang didapatkan oleh anak saya sekarang. Who knows?!

Terkadang saya khawatir, seiring dengan bertambahnya umur, akankah saya bisa terus beranggapan bahwa anak saya adalah rekan belajar saya? Apakah nanti saya akan menjadi orangtua yang arogan karena merasa lebih dulu tahu segala macam ilmu pengetahuan kelas kehidupan ini? Saya sangat berharap anak saya selalu ada disamping saya untuk terus mengingatkan.

Ada satu hal lagi yang menggelitik. Bila bicara pamrih, sesungguhnya sayalah sebagai orangtua yang memiliki pamrih sangat besar kepada anak saya saat ini. Karena tanpa eksistensi dan semangat darinya, saya tidak akan menjadi seperti apa saya menjadi saat ini. Sebuah perjalanan dan pengalaman yang tidak terbeli.

Hmmm...saya yakin, pasti banyak yang tidak sepaham dengan saya. Atau mungkin ada yang mau menambahkan...silahkan saja, wong ini cuman gerundelan kok. Piss!

Wangsit!

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:23:00 +0000

Tiba-tiba pagi ini saya mendapat wangsit (ceee...saya)...bahwa blog ini pada akhirnya akan dijadikan blog bilingual. Artinya? Artinya....ya tergantung mood....kalo mood nulis pake bahasa Inggris, ya...jadinya in English...kalo lagi mood pake Bahasa Indonesia, yaaa...jadinya pake Bahasa Indonesia. Jadi dengan arti lain, blog bilingual adalah "Mood Blog"...yaitu, blog yang penulisannya tergantung mood. Bisa jadi mood nulis, seperti pagi buta ini, jam 4 pagi...alih-alih tidur dengan manis, malah nulis blog dan gak karuan ngoceh di blog seperti ini. Harap maklum, namanya juga "Mood Blog" alias "Blog Bilingual" (kebanyakan pengulangan yang gak penting nih...).

Hmmm....diputuskan juga, ini mungkin (sekali lagi mungkin) akan menjadi blog yang 'sustainable'. Artinya (lagi-lagi 'artinya') blog yang gak perlu dirawat-rawat...dan gak bisa menghilang begitu saja dari muka Internet (red. muka bumi). Karena tadinya saya punya blog resmi, yang diisinya juga sekali setahun sih, yaitu http://www.trustmeiamnotageek.com. Hmmm...tapi sekarang lagi database error...dan segen buat beresinnya. Toh isinya juga tak begitu penting pula... Kalo gak percaya, liat aja sendiri...bener loch, database error....kekekekekeke...

Yo wis lah, sampai jumpa lagi, mungkin besok, mungkin pula tahun depan. Wong ini juga namanya "Mood Blog" kok...Ayo mari siap-siap sholat Subuh. Thathaaaa....

Syekh Siti Jenar

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 17:11:00 +0000

Yesterday, new friend of mine quote from Anand Krishna: "If you can accept death as like as you can accept birth, then you're become one with Him. Everything it doesn't matter anymore, you will receive total calmness in your state of mind."

We in life are get used to dualism. Black and white, evil and good, death and birth, and so on... When at certain point we can accept both things of those dualism in this world, we have possibilities to know the truth about the life it self, about our truly beings in this relative world of life.

Happiness is the most important thing that people try to reach in many form of act. In the journey, shadow of the past and uncertainty of the future corrupting their mind and take control of their destiny.

Well, the topic is just to heavy to be discussed. Me, my self, preferred to keep the dialog inside my heart...

US. Marine Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 03:24:00 +0000

This is my rifle.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it, as I must master my life.
Without me my rifle is useless.
Without my rifle, I am useless.
I must fire my rifle true.
I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me.
I must shoot him before he shoots me.
I will.

Maturity

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 13:02:00 +0000

Maturity, is something that time will tell to you in person...not as someone else. You can be what you wanna be today, but maturity is something that drives you in the right path of your journey, to view a problems as an opportunity or to face mistakes as a lessons to live. To be mature, sometimes you need rock and sand as an obstacle along the path. Rock and sand that lies in the middle of the road. Rock and sand that teach you what's right or wrong or even something just very simple in this complicated life. In this journey, we observe other people path sometimes, trying to learn from someone's mistakes or someone's victories. But the real lessons lies inside your heart...in your own journey...in your own class of life..in your own destiny. You become your own tutor and at the same time become your own apprentice. Maturity...is something about experiencing life it self...with rock, sand, tap in back of your shoulder, or celebration of your victory... or maybe just a little bit appreciation from people you love...

Lets live life to the fullest...

Taste of Winning

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 01:34:00 +0000

We won the pitch!!! That's all I can say. How can we win? Maybe because our concept is really good... or maybe, just because we're damn good at our fields of works, creativity and knowledge... or maybe just because we make friends with the right person who really know how to contribute to our everyday life’s… who knows. One thing for sure, in front of us, stand tall the biggest work we have to work on. Not just because big name that our client wore. It also because the concept it self, it’s huge enough to occupied our minds and time in next couple of months.

The question of project management still lies…how can we engage this? How can we execute this and that? You can have the smartest idea in the whole world, but if we talk about success, we involve a big portion of execution. How good we are in execution? How can we minimize our risk in this project? Me my self, don’t tolerate failure for this project even in a small amount. Another question came from the dark alley, how can we treat our own project? Or other project that will absorbing our thoughts? Is it adding more men on board will be the answer? I think that’s a mandatory thing to do but not the real answer. Planning… planning… planning… it’s the name of the game.

Just like one of my mentor have said it, “If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail”. Easy to said and very hard to implement… Experience… experience… experience… it’s another name of the game.

One more thing, wish us luck on this. Because the excitement just escalating… ;)

Passion of Work vs. Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:28:00 +0000

I define working as:

(Attitude + Skill & Knowledge) x passion

Every component in above formula have a significant contribution to the result. But, we have to test it first.
And know I'm trying to use some of 1 to 10 scales for every component, just to try to figure it out (3 for bad, 7 for average, 10 for excellent):

Sample#1
Attitude = 7
Skill & Knowledge = 7
Passion = 10
(7 + 7) x 10 = 140

Sample#2
Attitude = 10
Skill & Knowledge = 10
Passion = 3
(10 + 10) x 3 = 60

Sample#3
Attitude = 7
Skill & Knowledge = 7
Passion = 3
(7 + 7) x 3 = 42

Sample#4
Attitude = 7
Skill & Knowledge = 7
Passion = 7
(7 + 7) x 7 = 98

It seems that passion have more significant contribution to the result. Can you imagine how passion drives your result!

So, how it is if you in a cross road that you have to let go some of your passion about work (I mean, some specific type of work), because that's the reality that you face. Are you going to become an idealistic person or just opportunistic man? Is that what you really want for life? Are your family drives you? Is your "bourgeois" stomach drives you? Is it if we let the reality drives, we become a whore of life because we deny what we are really wants? I don't have the answer right now!

Can you re-program the state of your mind to become the one that you're not wanted to be? The question still lies...

South Park

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 02:29:00 +0000

Recently, I become an addict to this cartoon series called "South Park". Even their theme song always "playing" in my mind.... It is not a good cartoon for toddlers, but hell yaa....it's a good one for adults like us.

The story it self sometimes not as deep as "The Simpson" if you seen it already. South Park is more in the dark side of all things...the dirty speech, the moral of the story, the silly things that become a main topic of each episode (thanks to the creator, Matt Stone and Trey Parker).The uniqueness appear very strong from the main character, Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle, who has different family background with different problems. Cartman who raised by a single parents and make him become a spoil annoying kid, Kenny who has a very poor family and a looser drunken addict father, Stan the cutest one that in one episode his mom and dad separate, and Kyle the smartest one from a Jews family with a dominant mother. The whole story is package with many other characters like Mr. Garrison, a fourth grader teacher who had a split personality or Uncle Jimbo, a Vietnam war veteran who really love to hunt (they coming right at ya!). Can you imagine how twisted it is?

No matter this cartoon is so twisted and sick, but still, they try to send a message to us. Message about life it self from perspective of four fourth grader kids, that sometimes become naïve and positive about everything.
Can we have a clear mind of a child and not contaminated with all the sickness that happened all around us? At least we can keep on trying...

Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:45:00 +0000

8.30AM...the rain is still pouring from the sky…leaving a wet mark all over the place. I never hate rain, actually, I love it to much, except sometimes, I feel sorry for flood that usually came with a long hard pouring rain. This lovely morning, with the breeze from my window...feels so peaceful.

Last night, I have a long chat about life with my self. About motivation and positive thinking "way of life". About all these years that passed by. About how lucky we are to have such beautiful life. Especially about how blessed we are that can keep maintain our dreams and move forward step by step, make those dream happen. Dreams are the only thing that kept us alive through this insanity world of relativity.

Dream is about feeding your mind about all your hope that can you imagine about life it self. I love dream, because it can make me smile even in the worst day of life. I love dream because, when it comes into reality...the fact is far more amazing than the dream it self.

You are what you're thinking, and sometimes...you can reach even more than you're thinking...

Heaven & Hell

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 07:09:00 +0000

What if heaven and hell don't exist? Are people still praying to their God and have motivation for their religion? Do they become a non believer and put their faith into something else? Do people stop doing bad thing or good thing or doing booth in the same time? Is that religion all about? About heaven and hell...? About reward and punishment? As we know, many times perhaps, we do bad things even we already know about Heaven and Hell concept.

So, what will happen if that concept not even exists? Does chaos will appear? Or order? Or order after chaos? Is it knowing that God always watching while we crawling in our path of life is enough to keep us away from doing bad things?

I still wondering about this, why the conception about religion is sometimes miss-understood by some people (or at least, by me). Or maybe I am wrong, maybe the conception about heaven and hell is basic knowledge for truly essence of religion it self or about God it self? Or maybe that just simple analogy for describing the complex concept about universe creation, about God. Maybe, the truly question is about our true existence in this "relative world" that we're living. What is the main purposes of our existence?

If heaven and hell don't exist, is it human will stop to become a human? Once again, we are living in relativity...

Future?!

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Wed, 22 Dec 2004 06:17:00 +0000

What did you do this year? Something new in your life? Some excitement? New things to learn? New "out of the box" perspective to view a problem?

Where did you go this year? No where? Out of the country? Out of the city? Or maybe sometimes, we are out of our mind?

Who did you became this year? Another geek? Ordinary everyday man? A different person that even your mom cannot recognize you? (Plastic surgery can do :D) Or maybe someone special for special person in your life?

Well, contemplation is kind of reckoning for what you did and what you don't. It is not about what's wrong or right or about all of the sin and good deeds you made. It is about your life that already passed away in your back, and you can do nothing to change it. Contemplation is about learning from your experience and do all the best for the future.

The Essence

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Thu, 09 Dec 2004 04:12:00 +0000

Here we go again... caught in routine. Like usual, cup of good coffee to start your work and try to setup my brain to focus on my work after this quiet long vacation. It's been a while since I scratch my life in this journal. To lazy to do it and sometimes is because to busy do other things, especially work.

Well, not so many new things passing by this month. Just couple of work I do at the office, some routine, designed this and that...and keep away my self from spoiling my soul doing my own work of art... things I like most.

School is starting to roll again...with so many assigment in front of me. But now it's make me excited... the essence of Information System major just started. As you know, I do not have many experience in this field. What I do most at work is just simply design, full stop. So, this will be my chances to dig more, otherwise... I will get nothing. But, as some of you know about my point of view about Master Program, it is not just about what you learn in class, but it's about sculpting your attitude, and how you deal with everyday problem, building multi-dimentional
perspective about the problem you faced and how to make solutions from limitations you have. It's about shaping your mind into something that much more simple for complicated problem solving. That can be achieve from day by day learning, experience and never give up attitude.

So, what do you think about Master Program?

Selamat Hari Raya

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Fri, 12 Nov 2004 11:27:00 +0000

Today is the last day in the office, last day for me to manage my work...checking this and that, before leaving the office for couple of days. I'm not going for a full week, just 4-5 days I guess, because still so much thing to do before November is over. Workin' is something that not gonna last until we decide it to stop it.

Well...I want just to say to all of you.. "Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri, Mohon Maaf Lahir & Batin". Till we meet again next time.

Live from Bangkok

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Wed, 10 Nov 2004 06:33:00 +0000

Yea...this is special report straight from the street of Bangkok. Place where is very similar from Indonesia. The traffic jam, the crowded, the face...you name it...Except the food is more much spicy.

But something that bothering me is the way of living for some of their people. We can easily found "a circus" on every corner. Its kind of "culture shock" for me to see how women are expose in there. Gladly its not happened here in Indonesia, because its very difficult to raise a family especially in that kind of environment and social condition. I think, religion is something that hold us together in the right path, I'm not realize until I seen the reality.

Well, every journey have it's own message...isn't it...

What a Web Should Be?

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 08:03:00 +0000

What do you think about usability in interface design? What is your opinion about web site usability? Should we keep our design as low as we can be? Should we spoil the dumb user and make them proud because they can understand the site that we designed?

Developer/designer that agree with the “What a web should be”, realize that, they have to educate the user, make them get used to the revolution of the internet, get ready to catch up new technology and things on the internet, that grown very fast. Catch up with the unlimited possibilities on the web. Get amazed with all media, navigation, content, site structure that uncommon, cause they really think, that the web is best playground for your creativity and experimenting thing. Web is so unlimited to explore.

Quote from a word by Joshua Davis, "Most studios assume that the average user is an idiot, and they design in a way that everyone remains an idiot. We try to design sites that at least educate the user."

So, where we have to stand now? ;)

Client Can Do No Wrong

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Tue, 26 Oct 2004 10:28:00 +0000

It is hard to faced a client when all of your work gone wrong. It is also hard to faced a client, when we agreed on something, and the agreement broke cause by miss-communication or others things that make your work became invalid.

It is hard to dive into clients mind and perspective. What we think is right, maybe isn't for him. So, how can we establish a good relationship between us and client? How can we eliminate the domino effects that arise in our handcrafted work?

Workin' isn't about finish your job on time, but it also about your passion to finish it and make it happen. And sometimes, client serving is more important than the work it self...because the client is the king, and he can do no wrong.

The Birth

noreply@blogger.com (Muswardi) — Tue, 26 Oct 2004 06:14:00 +0000

Today, is the birth of my blogger. After all these years, finally, I create my own personal journal on the web. Journal of my live, my thought, my point of view for every single matters that will lies in front of my journey, my path...place for me to share with you all...ideas, sadness, happines, and many more that I can't desribed in this lousy sentence of mine.

Well, nothing more to say today, the birth of my blogger... just feelin' happy to be here for the time being.