Tune My Heart to Sing Thy Grace...

2012:: Here's to a New..........Finish.

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:56:00 +0000

I got a brand spanking new journal in the mail a few days ago. It's pretty awesome, at least to a journal junky like me. It's a super fun green leather that, get this.. was tanned using vegetables. Vegan's eat your heart out. And like any leather beaut, will only get better with age. My very first thought after tearing open the package was, oooh a new journal for 2012!! I love starting new journals for a new year. I mean who doesn't right? New, new, new. That's what January 1 is all about.

The next thing I did was frantically search my room for the journal I was currently using. I'm in the middle of a move so that proved to be quite the chore. Once I finally located my old red journal, under the boxes and heaping piles of my life, I opened the pages only to discover, MUCH TO MY DISMAY that there was noooo way I was going to be able to finish this journal in the three very short days of 2011 that remained.

{Insert Dilemma} :: I have a new journal that's tooootally fun and awesome. The pages don't have lines. That's my FAVORITE kind. That means I can write in any direction I want!!! And I mean, you're supposed to start a new journal on the first day of a new year. Come on! All the cool kids are doing it. I pictured myself shelving the red journal, incomplete and let's be honest, completely wasted. I would pick out the perfect new pen (which I would all and only use for the entire next year to write in this journal), come up with some clever opening line to kick the new year off right, in a new journal. Which surely would help to set me on course for the most fruitful and disciplined new year.......... Right?

I love beginnings. I love fresh starts. Every month when the iPhone calendar displays a "1" on the home screen I get excited for something new. Imagine the bliss in my heart over a 1/1. The joy!! Right now is the time I join the masses and start racking up my list of things I want to do this year. Read through the Bible. Go on an international trip. Tithe more. Start a business. Pray more. Be a better friend. Serve more. Read more. Be more. More. More. More. All good things, but for the love is anyone stressed yet?

Now before you think I've become the new year's scrooge and have chosen to throw a big bah hum bug to all new years resolutions, let me explain. Believe me, I've made my list. It just looks a little different this year than I expected. I love dreams. I love plans. I love hopes. I love lists. I'm a melancholy. Please think about what you want for 2012. Write it down. Ask God for it. By all means resolve in 2012. I will be. It's just that the journal incident that I mentioned before was a really eye opening moment for me. Do you know how many incomplete journals I have lining my shelves? No. And I'm too embarrassed to tell you. They're right up there next to the incomplete Bible studies. Guess I didn't need those last 3 weeks after all. New years resolutions and cool new colored leather always seem to come back around. There's always more. There's always better. There's always a book or Bible study that fits my life at the moment and then when it doesn't fit anymore there's something else. I'm realizing that sometimes "new" gets in the way of completion. "New" can be a hinderance to seeing things through.

So the resounding words in my head on January 1, 2012 are this........... FINISH SOMETHING!

And while millions of people around the globe are making fresh starts today (and amen to each and every one) I'm challenged to keep checking things off a list that was started years ago and to quit a lot of the habits and behaviors that have hindered my ability to finish.

This year I resolve to finish::

my lovely red journal [green's so overrated anyway]
getting out of debt [those student loans can take a hike]
the stack of books next to my bed [before I hit up amazon for any more]
that business plan that's been in my head for at least the last 4 years [get it on paper!]
that 12 week Bible study with 3 weeks left
that 1/2 marathon that I've talked about training for, but am scared out of my mind to even attempt [insert the need for some serious help here!]
those 7 half written blogs that are sitting in the que [I'm sure you saw that one coming]
whatever else I have time to finish after that

If you need me this year, God willing, I'll be finishing.

What will you finish in 2012?

What's So Big About 2011?

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 20:48:00 +0000

Yesterday on Twitter, Catalyst posed this question:: What was the most important moment of your life in 2011? Wow. That's kind of big. Who can actually answer that? Who can possibly remember? A lot happens in 12 months. But then I paused. That is a big question. That's a great question.... Huh........ What would be my answer? So I sat down and gave it some thought. I reflected on these last 12 months of 2011 and here is what I decided::

My most important moment of 2011... [and no I'm not going with the Cards winning the World Series, although that was pretty BIG in the life of this St. Louis homegirl and my entire city. It was definitely in the running, for a brief moment at least].... anyway, my most important moment had some big competition::

For starters, there was Passion'11 that took place in Atlanta in January. I mean if there's going to be a big moment in your life in a year, it's more than likely happening at a Passion Conference. I was challenged to live free and fully alive and was deeply refreshed and encouraged to connect with some dear friends. It was an amazing and truly important time, but it doesn't take the win.

I did a Chick-fil-A camp out. It was fun, long and sleepless, but worth it. I mean getting free Chick-fil-A for a year has the potential to trump plenty of other big moments. Let's be honest. And...I got a job out of the deal, which I never for a moment saw coming. So, amen Jesus. He does work in mysterious ways you know.

I celebrated amazing friends! Birthdays. Weddings. Going Away Parties. Victory Parties. "Hey We Really Love Each Other" Dinners. You name it and there was more than likely a reason to celebrate over good food.

I visited two of my newly favorited cities:: Seattle and New York City. I fell in love with both! I honestly never thought that anything could push Chicago from it's spot at #1, but helloooooo NYC, aren't you looking lovely this evening!

I attended the Catalyst Conference in Duluth, Georgia with dear friends from St. Louis AND Houston. The theme was "Be Present" and man did I walk away with a whole load of things that I hope to carry into 2012 with me. Be where you are. Hang up the phone. Listen. Stop living life through social media. Engage. Pray. LIVE in the moment. Your. Presence. Matters.

I had my very first paid catering gig:: a vintage elegance themed wedding in Nashville, Tennessee. My very dear friend Jamie and I got to cook and bake our hearts out and then of course set the stage for beautiful food, which is something we both adore, about as much as we adore eating fine cuisine! It was the best. weekend. ever.

I worked my first photo shoot [for my sis and her family] and had a blast. I'm officially addicted to photo editing. Of course, our strawberry-blonde headed, blue eyed, 1/2 chinese beauty was a perfect subject, making my job a dream [minus the part where we tried to get her to sit still, of course].

So the year was clearly filled with a ton of fun activities, relationships, creative outlets and exciting experiences. To top all of that off I had some incredibly sweet encounters with Jesus that there aren't pictures...or even words for really.

Which brings me back to the question at hand::

What was the most important moment of your life in 2011?

Well....I was going to say........jumping out of an airplane......

And while this is the second most important moment of 2011, because it was the most freeing, courageous and brave [or to some, the most stupid] thing I've ever done in my life, it's still not number 1. Nope, something trumped it. Something that meant more to me than any act of courage, bravery or insanity ever could. Something unexpected.

Remember that Catalyst Conference I was telling you about? The one with the theme "Be Present"? Yeah, that one. Well what I didn't tell you was that I went to that conference pretty desperate. I was feeling pretty hopeless and incredibly broken. It's been a difficult and dry year spiritually. And believe me when I tell you there's no amount of friends or fun that can make up for that. Sometimes it's just the place God has us. So I walked into that conference center in Duluth, Georgia, feeling disconnected from God, wondering where he's been, if he still hears me when I speak, and on some days wondering if he even cares. Sounds a bit like a pity party, and I confess I had plenty. We kicked off Session 1 of Labs [small classes before the big event] like most Christian conference sessions do...with a time of worship. Aaron Keyes took the stage and started leading us in some of his own songs. The words fell fresh on my ears, unfamiliar and filled with truth. As one song became more familiar I found these words begin to drift from my own lips..

You are working in our waiting, sanctifying us

When beyond our understanding, you're teaching us to trust

Your plan is still to prosper, you have not forgotten us

You're with us in the fire and the flood

Faithful forever, perfect in love

You are sovereign over us.

And in that moment God spoke. Two simple words that I've held on to with so much life, light and hope ever since.....

I'm Present.....over you. your life. your circumstances. your hopes. your dreams.

I'm Present.

And in that moment my entire outlook on the present season of my life changed. Life doesn't have to be easy. It doesn't even have to make sense. But I have to know that the one who's writing the entire score is still on the scene. And the truth, whether spoken in that moment or not, has already been recorded as truth for all eternity. It didn't suddenly become true in that moment. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the same yesterday, today and forever. He is. And he promised in His Word that he is ALWAYS present.

He's also gracious, abundantly so...to remind us of things that we should already know, to strengthen our faith in the moments it becomes weak, to nudge us back to Him, at times with a gentle whisper and other times a bit more deliberately.

So whether you see Him or you don't, whether you hear Him or you don't, He's speaking the same truth over you, your life and your circumstances today and into the coming year. Just believe. And when you don't feel like you can, his grace will find you there too.

It's kind of ironic that the answer to a question posed by Catalyst took place at a Catalyst conference. Well, I'm really glad they asked.

So, what was the most important moment of your life in 2011?

Will You Run for Her?

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 22:24:00 +0000

Watch this amazing new video from As Our Own and don't miss your chance to make a difference in the lives of beautiful, hope-filled girls in India. It will motivate and inspire you to do something you may have never thought possible. Check it out and please help spread the word.

10 Girls. 10 Stories. 10 Cities. Will you run for her?

What I Know

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 21:15:00 +0000

Regardless of age, gender, race, religion or geographical location there is one thing that we as a human race can agree on..

Life is hard.

In the midst of war, famine, slavery, unemployment, city wrecked storms & flames, cancer, heartbreak, pain, death, turmoil and confusion it can appear at times that all is dark, even that all is lost. These feelings of darkness and loss are very real, they are very difficult and they are relevant to the lives of every human being. But they, my friends, are not the end of the story.

But this is a very difficult thing to believe when we allow our circumstances to speak so loudly we leave little room for truth to get a word in edgewise.

The Truths of God are inspired words on a page that bring light to our eyes, to our hearts, to our lives, to our world...reminding us of what, or rather on whom we can always depend. When life takes from us jobs we love, homes we love, people we love, health we love, innocence we love and comforts on which we have come to rely...the one true God who is real, who is true, who is sovereign over all says HERE AM I.

This week as I opened the Psalms, in the midst of reflecting on recent tragedies, both around the globe and in people's lives, and while asking some hard questions of the Lord, I was given my own beautiful reminder of Truth. Life doesn't always make sense. I don't know why people all over the globe are displaced from their homes due to natural disasters. I don't know why girls in India are being abused in brothels. I don't know why people get cancer or lose their jobs or their children. I honestly do not understand any of it. But here's what I do know. Choosing to look at life through the lenses of truth rather than the lenses of circumstance is a CHOICE. And I am asking God to pour out a double portion of faith upon us to believe these words today:

Psalm 145 :: "The Lord IS..."

gracious and merciful
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love
good to all and his mercy is over all he has made
faithful in all his words and kind in all his works
upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down
righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works
near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth
preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy

Selah.

A Legacy of Courage: Thanks, Mom!

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Thu, 05 May 2011 16:15:00 +0000

With Mother's Day right around the corner I've been thinking a lot about moms.

My mom.
My sisters who are moms.
My friends who are moms.
Women who have been like mom's to me.
And the mom I hope to be some day.

There's really no other role in the world like it. *Mom*. So much more than the given definition of "a female person who has borne children". A caregiver. A protector. A provider. A prayer warrior. Sometimes a nurse. Other times a clown. Always a hero.

This is my mom:

She is the second oldest of six girls, born to a butcher and stay at home mom. She learned early on, from my grandparents, how to work hard, pray hard and love hard. She and my dad raised three children. I watched my mom make sacrifices her whole life so that we could have, what to me was, a really great life. But she did so much more than love us with a stable home, good schools and nice things. She modeled prayer, a deep faith in Christ and courage.

This quote by Robert Brault describes my mom's life perfectly...If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. I know without a doubt there is not a person on the planet who has prayed for me more than my own mother. She has modeled faith in Christ and trust in His steadfast love and perfect ways even in the midst of some strong adversity.

Five years ago, while I was living in Houston, Texas, I received a phone call from my mom. A pretty common thing when a mother and daughter live in opposite parts of the US. But on this particular night something was different. I still remember the tone in my mom's voice, the exact place I was sitting and the emotions that rose from deep within my body until the tears could not be contained. Two little words...breast cancer...and our lives changed forever.

Fast forward a few years...

Our entire family celebrates and rejoices in God that my mom is now cancer free. We know that not everyone's story ends this way. We also know that our God is worthy of our praise and honor regardless of how our stories end. Our's taught us to live each day as if tomorrow were for eternity. I look back on that season, so brief in light of heaven and God's time table, but for my mom the hardest thing she has faced in her life. I can't speak for her regarding the reality of fighting such a battle. But I can speak as a daughter with a mom fighting cancer. It was hard to see my mom in so much pain, getting daily treatments that made normal life challenging, wearing a wig after she lost her hair, having to make really difficult decisions about the future and wondering often what the future might look like. But it was amazing to see the courageous and trusting way in which my mom responded to a difficult diagnosis. Her faith, her courage and her trust allowed her to rest in her belief that neither her or her cancer were ever out of her Saviors control.

C.S. Lewis once said, Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at its testing point.

Cancer was a definite testing point for my mom and our entire family. Some might look to such a fate and term it our darkest hour. But I do not and neither does mom. It was something the Lord used to draw our family closer to each other and closer to Him. It was an opportunity to shine His light in the midst of darkness. And for my mom it was the beautiful platform on which she displayed the very virtues that she has modeled and beautifully instilled in her own children since the day we were born. A legacy I will be incredibly proud and pray to pass on to my own children someday.

In January of last year I had the life changing opportunity to travel to India with As Our Own, an incredible organization that is rescuing children from horrible situations of enslavement and exploitation. They currently have 60+ girls that they have rescued and are raising as their very own daughters. I'll never forget the things that I saw while in India. Brothels filled with hurting women, forced to sell their own bodies repeatedly on a daily basis, with little to no hope of escape. Women whose pain is evident on their faces, whose children sleep night after night beneath the beds in which they are forced to work. And in the midst of grave pain and darkness I saw an incredible hope and light. Women who are forced to sacrifice their own freedoms are making courageous choices so that their children can have the life, freedom and opportunity that many of them will never receive. Young girls, whose fate seems to rest in the hands of brothel owners being shown that their true fate rests in the hands of an Almighty God. As Our Own is making it possible.

There are 44 million vulnerable children in India. A number that is both staggering and overwhelming. Without parents, these children are at great risk of being victims of sex slavery or forced labor. But don't let the magnitude of such a darkness paralyze you from acting. Instead take a small step this Mother's Day like I am and leave a huge and lasting impact on a generation of girls in India. Girls who, through the guidance, education and spiritual influence of As Our Own staff in India, will one day change history.

This Mother's Day I'm honoring of my mom, Nancy Kuntz by giving to the As Our Own "Thanks, Mom!" Campaign. The funds from this campaign will go towards the future rescue of children, as well as continued after care for the girls already being raised in the family of As Our Own. It's a legacy truly worth being a part of this Mother's Day.

Mom, for your faith, your wisdom and a lifetime of courageous sacrifice, I honor you.

Now you too can honor your mom and/or the special women in your life this Mother's Day. Here's how:

A special way to say, “Thanks, Mom!”

STEP 1 :: Give to our Thanks, Mom! campaign to honor your mom on Mother’s Day, May 8.

STEP 2 :: In the donation comments box, tell us what you appreciate most about your mom.

STEP 3 :: Download a certificate for your mom that explains the gift you’ve made in her name.

About As Our Own

The extreme poverty in India places girls at great risk for exploitation, enslavement, and neglect. Girls are regularly abused and degraded, forced into lives of bonded labor, either in organized begging or the sex trade.

These girls will face a dark, horrific future—unless someone intervenes.

God has opened the door for As Our Own to rescue girls before they are exploited, giving us the privilege to care for each one as our own—for life. We are building strong communities through our Lighthouse church network and training strong leaders and pastors at our Hope College, all to break these cycles for girls in future generations.

Your gifts make a lasting difference for these girls. Thank you!

A Surprise Visit from God

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 00:56:00 +0000

I am a huge Oswald fan. Now in case you're not, and maybe have no idea what, or rather who I am talking about, Oswald Chambers is author to one of the best devotionals of all time: My Utmost for His Highest. I'm a really huge fan. Not a day goes by that I am not challenged deeply from Scripture through some portion of Oswald's book. Promise. If you're not familiar, you should most definitely check it out.

It was just such a day when this particular entry caught my attention. Something in my soul just shouted YES!

Readiness

"God called unto him and he said, Here am I" — Exodus 3:4

When God speaks, many of us are like men in a fog, we give no answer. Moses' reply revealed that he was somewhere. Readiness means a right relationship to God and a knowledge of where we are at present. We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. The man or woman who is ready for God and His work is the one who carries off the prize when the summons comes. We wait with the idea of some great opportunity, something sensational, and when it comes we are quick to cry - "Here am I." Whenever Jesus Christ is in the ascendant, we are there, but we are not ready for an obscure duty.

Readiness for God means that we are ready to do the tiniest little thing or the great big thing, it makes no difference. We have no choice in what we want to do, whatever God's program may be we are there, ready. When any duty presents itself we hear God's voice as Our Lord heard His Father's voice, and we are ready for it with all the alertness of our love for Him. Jesus Christ expects to do with us as His Father did with Him. He can put us where He likes, in pleasant duties or in mean duties, because the union is that of the Father and Himself. "That they may be one, even as We are one."

Be ready for the sudden surprise visits of God. A ready person never needs to get ready. Think of the time we waste trying to get ready when God has called! The burning bush is a symbol of everything that surrounds the ready soul, it is ablaze with the presence of God.

----- [taken from April 18 excerpt, My Utmost for His Highest]-----

I had my own surprise visit from God a couple of weeks ago. It occured in the most unexpected place...the parking lot of a Chick-fil-A. I guess it's not that unexpected. After all, some do call it home of the"christian chicken". Why wouldn't God show up there, right?! I guess the unexpected part was the way He chose to show up. Through a J.O.B.

Being in the parking lot at Chick-fil-A wasn't random. I had planned to be there. I packed my bags, stood in line and waited for my number to be called for the "First 100" campout. Some people will do anything to have free Chick-fil-A for a year! I was #3!! Free chicken here I come!!

It was an exciting moment when all of my friends had been selected. We claimed our spot, set up camp and geared up for a fun [and let's be honest, sleepless] night ahead.

This was my second CFA campout so I new exactly what to expect. Or so I thought. Lots of time to relax, read, get some sun, play games, eat free chick-fil-a, hang out and then do it all over again. We'd "sleep" outside under the stars to the "pleasant" sounds of nearby traffic and those who talk all night. Then we'd wake in the morning, be handed our 52 free meals and be on our way. And this is exactly what happened. But it's not all that happened.

My dear friend Jen happens to be good friends with the operator and general manager of this new Chick-fil-A that had just been built 5 minutes from my house (did I mention that part?). I had been on the lookout for a job, but not in fast food. I mean come on! I have a degree. I have past work experience. Surely I can find something creative or ministry-like to do. Haha. And as I sat there in that parking lot, thinking how close this new store was to my house, out of my mouth slipped these words..."I should work here..." Next thing I know, Erin, the GM is over talking to us saying, "I'll go get you an application right now". She returns, slips a single piece of paper in to my hands and says "Why don't you come in on friday for an interview..can you come at 7..and plan to stay until 4? What kind of interview is that?!!! Well..it wasn't. My interview consisted of an exchange. One completed application for one uniform. And so began my training. They say it pays to know people. Apparently it does!

So God showed up. In the form of a parking lot camp out. In the form of an unexpected, fast food job. In the form of "christian chicken". In the form of provision. In the form of his presence. He showed up.

He makes sudden, surprise visits all the time. Are you expecting him today?

Coming Home: 1 Year Later

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 20:30:00 +0000

Seems hard to believe it has been an entire year since I packed up my six year southern life into a big ole' truck and headed north. North, to a place I had previously called home for 20 years. Missouri..."home". A once familiar house, school, church, neighborhood, friends, faces and places. Once well known, now ten years removed (including college). I remember that 2 hour flight home so well. My mind was flooded with so many thoughts and questions. What would it look like, be like and feel like to be "home" again? In so many ways it seemed the same. But it was not, nor was I. So much anticipation, expectation, uncertainty and fear. As I sat in the seat of that express jet gazing out my tiny window just moments from landing, my mind drifted to a brief experience I had as an intern several years earlier. Gathered in a star struck huddle in the pastor's office, then just a newby to Houston. Gregg Matte, who would later become my pastor, boss, mentor and friend was greeting our group of young college students, giving us a challenge for the summer ahead. He said something I've never been able to forget: "It's normative Christianity when the only familiar thing in your life is Jesus." Everything in your life is going to change. He is the one thing that absolutely will not. Might want to throw all that you are on Him rather than a person, a place, a job, a dream.

The word familiar is defined by thesaurus.com as 'common' and 'well known'. It bears similar meaning to such words as habitual, routine and everyday. The opposite would be defined as foreign, strange and unfamiliar. My return home, just one year ago, was the day those antonyms collided. It was familiar, yet strange. People and places well known, yet foreign. Things so common, yet unfamiliar. It was the start of a long, difficult and painful yet amazingly restful, restoring and truly beautiful return home. That is just like our God! For while I had my own agenda in returning to this place, God had another idea entirely. I was after a dream, a business, a creative outlet, a closeness to family. All good things. But God was after my heart. And more than wanting to grant me the things I desired, He desired to grant me a good look in the mirror and a working over of my heart to look more like His own. I was aware of what I wanted, what I hoped for. God was aware, as He always is, of what I needed. He led me from a place that was familiar, safe, comfortable and known and he replaced it with a strong reminder of what it is like for Him to be my familiar, habitual, routine, every day.

I came across this photograph and its parallel to the past season of my life nearly jumped off the page. I have had moments, lots of them actually, that felt dark, lonely, confusing, like my world was caving in, much like this old house. There were plenty of days when I would look around and believe the darkness meant that God was not there and that he did not care. That he had led me here and then left me to fend for myself. That is typically the perspective that we get when we choose to look solely at our circumstances. But as I began to shift my gaze I could see the glimmers of light, of hope, of truth that had been there all along. For much like fall will always come after summer and always precede winter, God will always be present, always be faithful, always be loving and always be just. And he can always be trusted to bring about what is good in the lives of His Saints. It's just a matter of us choosing to let him define what "good" really means.

God really does have my best interest at heart. Yours too. He knew that I needed a season to rest and not work, to attend a church and not serve there, to learn how to live life in community, to throw off pretense that can easily come with full time ministry and become vulnerable, to throw off Christianity defined by rules and walk in freedom, to lose my identity in working for God and find it simply in belonging to God.

I once heard faith defined as "believing in advance that which only makes sense in reverse." Looking "in reverse" on the past year I see things now I could not see before. Things that I struggled to believe now make sense. And I am thankful that God would take me from a place that in every sense of the word was 'good', because he had a plan that was better. So are the dreams of business, creativity, baking and design still alive? Absolutely! Is it all going to happen as quickly and dreamingly as I had hoped. Of course not. But part of this journey of faith is taking small steps one day at a time, with a goal of knowing God, believing Him for his perfect plan and timing and moving forward in a way that depicts He is Lord and I am not. All I know for now is that I am incredibly humbled to be where God called and thankful that He brought my heart along in His own timing and way. And I am filled with an incredible anticipation and hope towards all that a "new year" will hold.

::Doing NOTHING::

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:50:00 +0000

For the last week I've been studying John 15. Abiding. Bearing fruit. Pruning. The process of living a life that counts beyond today, making decisions that last, or...the opposite.

John 15:5 clearly states, Apart from me you can do NOTHING.

So often I get caught up in my own ability to make life work. Do you ever find yourself in this same self-righteous, completely deceptive rut? If so, confess your sin and your need.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

[I Need You by Chris Tomlin]

May we walk with Jesus this week, eyes fixed on his character, his power and his might alone. If we want our lives to count for his kingdom and his glory it must and will be because of HIM.

Is that YOU?

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 21:56:00 +0000

Over the past week I have had several good conversations about community, authenticity and obedience. Coupled alongside that has been quite a struggle with insecurity, fear and doubt. Do you ever have moments when you wonder when you're going to get it? I mean really get it. That thing you've been wrestling through for years, fighting with, or for, or against, prayed for, laid down, picked up, threw away. You get the idea. Ever wonder why a huge leap forward in one season can often feel like four steps back in a new season? Me too. In fact, these are the very things that I have put before the Lord this week in hopes of some clear direction and answers in regard to my sin, my heart and my identity in Christ. You see this is where I often get tripped up.

You know that verse that says the enemy prowls around like a lion seeking whom he may devour? Or the one that says he's come to steal, kill and destroy? Sounds kind of dramatic don't you think. Sounds kind of severe. Like something I should wake up and pay attention to. But I don't. Not really. Not always. Not like I should do or need to do. Its sounds easy enough to say that I believe the enemy is real and that I'm aware of the battle taking place daily. But some days my response to his severe, purpose driven agenda for my life is so passive. Then I wonder at the end of the day as I'm climbing into bed why I felt so defeated today. Because I forgot to fight. Really fight. For truth. For liberty. For my identity.

The other day I went over to my bookshelf and revisited an old book, actually more like an old friend. I would say this book has impacted my life more than any other book, accept the Bible itself. It's a book God used five years ago to start me on a journey of freedom and victory over a deep seeded need for people's approval. The book is "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning. If you haven't read it I recommend it highly. Manning says that within each of us is a heart's cry for intimate belonging; a need put within us by God. Unfortunately, we live in an evil and sinful world that habitually takes what God intended for good and skews it. Suddenly it wasn't enough for us to just belong to God and be accepted by Him, we needed more. So throughout the coarse of our lives, people and circumstances began communicating to us that who we are is not okay. In turn we seek to have our approval and acceptance needs met by becoming someone more desirable, more fun, more quiet, more talkative, more passive, more aggressive, more pleasing, etc. We become someone else. We begin wearing masks in order to belong. The crazy thing is that we wear these masks for so long we begin to believe that who we see when we look in the mirror is who we actually are. And along the way we loose sight of who God designed us to be. We become an imposter version of ourselves. We're posers. Does this feel at all familiar?

It was such a huge awakening for me when I read the book five years ago. I remember that season like it was yesterday. The awareness and victory that came were so sweet, so powerful, such reflections of Christ at work in me. And then something happened. That season ended and a new one began. And suddenly all the old struggles to belong came sifting back. It would be easy to think that none of it was real. That I was fooling myself and never really experienced any victory at all. I know that's what the enemy would want me to believe. But he's WRONG. I've realized that sometimes it's easy to obey and do what's right in places that are comfortable and familiar. Sometimes God takes us to new places, not to make us feel defeated but to take us deeper into victory and deeper into Him by forcing us to put feet to our renewed hearts and minds.

In the past few days I'm reminded again of our fight. I'm reminded of the enemy's schemes and I'm reminded that who we are in Christ is more beautiful and more powerful than anyone this world could ever possibly try and convince us to be. It's not enough to just hope to become the person Christ calls us and equips us to be. We have to fight for our calling, fight for truth, fight for our identity in Christ alone.

The first chapter of "Abba's Child" opens with a quote that will forever be my theme. Trust me, if you read the book, you'll have to stop here before you even begin the first sentence.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle that any human being can fight, and never stop fighting" -E.E.Cummings.

Don't stop fighting. The enemy won't. Our call, our true identity and the victory that's ours to claim in Christ are all worth it. It's the life we were meant for. Anything less is a lie.

The next time you take a look in the mirror, make sure it's really YOU.

Short Really Can Be Sweet

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 16:37:00 +0000

This might be one of the best weekends I've had in months. And it's only Saturday morning! By best I mean from a standpoint of person growth, reflection and my relationship with the Lord. So for those of you thinking wait, what about this weekend or that weekend we spent together...don't worry, I'm sure it's still up there in my top 10. Some good friends of mine, who are new to the St. Louis area, went out of town for the weekend and left me a key to their condo. A whole entire condo all to myself! Could it be true?! This is amazing news for a girl like me, who currently lives with her parents and spends time alone with God in a house filled with people or a Starbucks filled with people. (Although I realize this is most people, everyday.) This definitely puts a damper on things if you like to talk out loud to God, which I definitely do...but had forgotten just how much. So lets just say that the past 18 hours have been gloriously liberating and sometimes quite loud. So good!

This morning I'm meditating on Psalm 143. The header in my esv Bible reads 'My soul thirsts for you'. Lines up perfectly with the desperation I feel in my heart these days. Crazy how we can thirst, yet forget or sometimes even just refuse to drink. As I was reading I got stuck on verse 8 and just decided to camp there. One verse. One thought. A thought I wanted to share with you, the bloggersphere. And then I had an epiphany...

I realized this morning that the reason I'm so inconsistent with my blogging is very similar to the reason I'm inconsistent in my long distance relationships that are maintained mostly through phone calls. I assume that long and lengthy posts or phone conversations are the expectation, and while those definitely have their time and place, on average who has time for long and lengthy these days?! For some reason in my mind short snippets would certainly be received as careless or non-commital. And yes, I realize that makes NO sense. Funny how our minds can take ridiculous thoughts and run with them as if they were the best thing they ever came up with in their entire lives. So, if I had I glass and I assumed you were out there and had a glass as well, here's what I would toast to on this fine Saturday morning: here's to short snippets along the way, a bit of the day to day... taking time for a "hi, I'm thinking of you"... "hi, i miss you"... "hi, I'm still out there" blog posts and phone conversations. And I know some of you would toast hard, along with a prayer that I actually followed through with this idea. Makes me thankful for growth and grace. This has seriously been a hang up for me. So there you have it, my relational confession for the day.

...ready, set, go...

Psalm 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go for to you I lift up my soul." I like the wording of the NIV on this one.

Two things stand out to me and are my prayer for you and I today. "word" and "show". The Lord desires to give us a word from Himself. And he desires to show us the way. He ordained our steps and he isn't the kind of God who takes pleasure in leaving us in the dark. Imagine if we actually listened to him speak and watched him reveal things to us on a daily basis. A Christian no brainer I know, and yet for me so many things in life are fighting for my attention in it's place. What I've realized is if I'm not intentional to fight back, it will win. A God of revelation. The Scriptures repeatedly reveal that this this is the kind of God we serve. And anytime I'm not hearing or seeing, I think the problem rests more on my end than it does on His. Excluding times that he calls us to wait on his timing for a word or direction (a whole other blog post). And definitely not a reason to ever stop asking or seeking.

May we go to him in the morning and let him give us a word, a Truth to guide our day and a focus on being directed by His Spirit, moment by moment. He ordained today. Let us not think for even a second that He doesn't care about what takes place in it. May we live it for Him, in light of eternity, His Kingdom, His glory and not our own.

Oh Canada! {Final(ly) Take}

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 02:14:00 +0000

My trip to Canada was an incredible time both relationally and spiritually. I was able to connect with some really fun and really godly people, took in some beautiful scenery and learned a ton about video production. I even got to use my gift of hospitality and feeding people, which if you know me at all you know I LOVE. Lastly and most importantly I was deeply challenged by the Lord to look past my own life for a moment and gained some much needed perspective in the process.

It's amazing how vastly were reminded of the goodness and faithfulness of God when we hear other believers tell their stories. Next time you're in a hard place, in need of encouragement, talk about your story or ask another believer to give you a glimpse of into his/her spiritual journey. The faithfulness of God is too often swept away by a cloud that can blind our eyes to truth during difficult moments. We overcome just as the Scriptures tell...by the blood of the lamb AND by the power of our testimony. Canada was exactly this for me: a reminder of God's goodness, faithfulness, plan and provision for His people, as women came together to share their journeys; Hard, difficult, challenging, God-ordained journeys. I just needed to take a moment (or several) to fix my eyes and ears on His story and take my eyes off of my circumstances. It was beautiful. Here is a summary of the trip in pictures. Vancouver is quite lovely. You should visit when you get the chance!

Production: We set our stage in the living room of a home. We pretty much took over the place with equipment, people and furniture rearranging. It was a God-send, comfortable and perfect of the size of our groups.

Relationships: Here are some of the amazing people that I worked with including my discussion group, great spiritual mentors and our crew.

Beautiful scenery: (Yes, including my first pumpkin latte and scone of the fall season. It was for sure a highlight!)

Sightseeing: We took in beautiful sites, parks and some attractions once the production was over. It was great connecting with my friend AmyW. We hope to make meeting up in other countries a regular thing in our friendship! We decided to have a little photo shoot fun while we were at it.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 02:10:00 +0000

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Oh Canada! {Take 2}

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 06:46:00 +0000

Now that I've been in Canada for a few days (amazingly beautiful days I might add), I wanted to update you on what's happening here. Specifically so that you can be praying for the work taking place over the next two days (wed/thurs). The beginning of the trip has been incredibly restful. Lots of time spent catching up with a dear friend, taking walks around the lake..to Starbucks, the grocery store, dinner..and pretty much everywhere, enjoying amazingly cool temps, staring at the mountains until my eyes hurt, laughing hard, reading, drinking lots of coffee, working on my Canadian accent and preparing material for our upcoming production. I've loved every minute of it!

As I told you before, I'm here working on a ministry production. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect in regard to my role on the team. Initial conversations were in regard to design. And while that's happening on some level, it's no longer my primary role. The Lord provided an amazing house in which to film the production. The living room is already set with furniture, so just some minor staging, props and lighting and we're good to go. My new unexpected roll is that of Assistant Director. I introduced you to Marj and Russ briefly in the previous post. M&J are film producers and have filmed a variety of ministry works that have literally impacted people across the globe. Our current production, Heart to Heart Part I is a pilot production put on by women in the west, for women in the middle east. There will be three sessions of filming. One on Wednesday and two on Thursday. Each taping will consist of women's discussion groups on specific topics geared toward leading women to Biblical truth. Once the filming is completed the material will be edited and translated into Arabic. I am incredibly excited to help direct discussion and be a part of the camera crew. I am also in charge of hospitality (you rarely have to twist my arm to get me in the kitchen!) as well as coaching women to to help them feel comfortable in front of the camera...which is the last thing I ever thought I would be doing. But our test shoot was a blast. Maybe I should have gone into movie production! Ha. I keep telling everyone this is my test run for Next Food Network Star!! And I'm only kinda kidding.

We spent a good part of the day today writing introductions for each of the film segments. We will be discussing women of the Bible, fruits of the Spirit and other various topics on Biblical womanhood. Some of the topics we're covering will be very heavy and will include dealing with grief, coping with depression, unfaithfulness in marriage, violence in the home, etc. Over the next forty eight hours there will be 20+ people (discussion groups, prodction crew and directors) coming together to make this project happen. The impact that a production like this could have on women in the middle east is incredible and has been overwhelming me for days. If you're reading this would you please take a minute right now to pray for us. May we be led by the Spirit in every detail. May those of us in front of the cameras speak bodly from our hearts and allow God to use the stories of our lives to impact other women. May technical details come together flawlessly. And ultimately may women across the world hear these truths and be changed for all of eternity.

It's so incredible to be here. Thanks for being here with us through prayer. Much love and appreciation from Canada, eh!

Oh Canada!

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 20:14:00 +0000

I love divine conspiracy. When God connects the dots in our lives, completely unbeknownst to us. Last spring I led a ministry trip to France. I never blogged about it, probably because from a leadership standpoint it was a bit of a logistical nightmare. I don't recommend getting stuck in a foreign country with 30 people while your airline goes on strike. It all worked out in the end, and even afforded us a few days in Florence. But it was literally one of the the most difficult things I have ever been through as a leader. In hindsight we made some great memories and some really incredible things did come from the trip. As I write I'm sitting at a hotel in Vancouver, Canada about to embark on what could be one of the most exciting creative experiences of my life. You see one of the great things that France did bring me was Marj and Russ Speiser. Two Canadians turned European missionaries. Teachers. Worship leaders. Lovers of Jesus. And amazing at reaching out to/loving on new people. After spending several days with Marj and getting to know her I, along with my dear friend Amy W. were invited to come and be a part of a ministry weekend here in Canada. Then, six months away. Now just a few hours from being my present reality. This week a ministry production known as "Heart to Heart" is being produced and filmed by Marj here in Vancouver. Several women will be getting together to ask/answer difficult questions about what it means to walk as women who are fully devoted to Christ. This ministry resource will then be available to women who have limited access to such resources.

I am completely excited, honored and humbled to be a part of helping to design the set for this taping, possibly be trained on camera work and maybe even be part of the discussion groups. To be honest I have no idea what to expect. All I know is I couldn't have orchestrated this opportunity if I tried. And that makes me incredibly excited to see what the Lord has in store. Here's a picture of me and Amy W. in France with Marj experiencing a European custom of drinking coffee from bowl. Just one of many adventures I'm sure this week will bring.

Please be in prayer for the production and impact of this work. Can't wait to tell you all about it. Blessings to you from Vancouver!

Missouri: Five Months Later

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 05:46:00 +0000

I can hardly believe I have been back in the Midwest for five months already. Seems like just yesterday I was crossing the Missouri state line with a car load of belongings, massive amounts of Texas memories and a long list of dreams waiting to be pursued. I love new things. New ideas. New journals. New shoes. New friends. New seasons. New mornings. New mercies. New beginnings are exciting. But I would be lying if I didn't admit they're also a bit scary. A bit unpredictable. I knew going into this transition that there would be some adjustments, plenty of highs and lows to be expected. Guess I was hoping that this oh so mature and realistic perspective would give me a one up on any of the challenges that may lie ahead. Turns out expecting hard things and walking through them are entirely different beasts. Turns out the Lord's main goal in my life is still humility and dependence. Turns out this is exactly what I need. Go figure.

If you didn't get a chance to read the blog explaining my transition from Texas to Missouri you can find it here. I left with I Peter 4:10 in my back pocket, or more like taped to my forehead. With divine permission to follow my heart, ready to pursue creativity and business and READY to be a full time aunt to three precious babies. I unpacked my loaded down car and made a home for myself in a spare room at my parent's house. What I didn't expect was to begin this new season by discovering a major health problem, losing a family friend to suicide, watching two close friends miscarry and walking through a deep sense of personal loss that was both difficult and confusing. The next five months would prove to be a huge time of testing in my life. I spent the last five years in full time ministry and suddenly I had no idea what to say to people who were hurting or to how to get past the deep sense of loss and purposelessness that I was suddenly experiencing.The greatest and hardest thing about leaving Houston was that it has been the best season of my life. So meanwhile in the back of my mind constantly rang the question, "did i do the right thing?".

What's beautiful about walking with Jesus, seeking His direction and following in obedience is that His presence and His spirit are always with us keeping our footsteps sure even when nothing seems sure. And he demonstrates this in the most creative ways. When I first got to St. Louis I was constantly comparing my present circumstances with my past. Everything about being here is different. My independence, my job, my time, my family interactions, my church, my friends, my social life, what ministry looks like, the Mexican food and even the weather. Right now I'm sitting in my room, windows open, enjoying the cool breeze of 62 degree temps while I write. Right now in Houston it's 82 degrees at 11pm. And it's pretty safe to assume what the humidity is like. Every time I experienced something new here I felt sad. The loss was so great. I wasn't sure how to get past it. ...Insert God's divine hand...

I came across an amazing Bible study on the book of Ruth and felt strongly compelled to begin going through it on my own. The first chapter is about a journey. Here the author, Kelly Minter, tells a story about a friend who moved from Boone, North Carolina to Nashville. Her transition included a sense of loss and grieving much like my own. But what Minter points out about Ruth and Naomi, as well as her friend, is that they made the decision to "weep forward". A phrase that I have come to just love! They took the time to grieve and then they moved on. For some reason my grief was immediately followed by guilt, as if somehow I was disappointing God. What I've since realized is that loss and grief are a natural and expected part of life equally as much as gain and celebration. And the most healthy way to handle each of those is to process and deal with them and allow God to use them for His purposes. The good. The bad. The ugly. All for Him.

Along with the Bible study God used a really important person in my life to pull me out of a very inward focused time of transition and into an amazing community. Someone who's been making a difference in my life for years. My baby brother, turned Pastor. And I don't think he even knew how much I was needing it. North Church is a fairly new church plant in the St. Louis area, made up of some of the most amazing people. My brother twisted my arm to attend a membership class to find out more about the church. Before I knew it was being scheduled for a membership interview and having conversations about joining a church that honestly I had never planned on being a part of, but in my heart knew I would be joining. And it's one of the best things that's happened to me since I've been here. I haven't felt this free to just be in a really long time. To build relationships, laugh, rest, dance (no that's not a typo) and share life has been most refreshing.

So humility, dependence and rest are the theme. I've learned to embrace the unknown of the future and expect that it can be even better than the past. The previous season of my life was a busy one. I like busy. It's safe to say I like it too much. This new season is good for me. Lots of time to read, watch kiddos, help my dad fix up a house and business plan. I'm currently working on an online design company and doing some bakery planning too. I've decided on a location, working on a name and having lots of fun and encouraging conversations with friends. It's SO fun!! More to come on that. I definitely miss Texas...friends, Houston's First, Summit, my old co-workers and especially beef fajitas and queso (here they call it cheese dip). There's good people in Texas. Yeah, you know who you are! I'm headed your way mid-October. Get excited!! A big chunk of my heart will always be there. I bought myself a little something special recently. I can't believe I never got these in Texas. But I'll wear them proudly here in Missouri. And every time I do I'll think of you!

A Pilgrim's Reflection

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:46:00 +0000

I took the most amazing trip to Israel at the beginning of the summer. Nearly four months have passed and it's still hard to believe I was actually there. I have been working on this blog post since July. Turns out the experience is rather difficult, and quite lengthy, to sum up. It was incredible in every way. I wish that somehow a trip to Israel could be required for every believer. If you get a chance to go, TAKE IT! But make sure you have a good tour guide and a great Bible teacher. It makes all the difference. Since I've been home the Scriptures are more alive to me than ever. I've included several entries from my journal as well as pictures from each of our stops. Parts will be factual while others more experiential. I realize that this post will in no way depict what a trip like this would actually be like. Someone in our group likened it to seeing a movie after having read the book. Some things you just have to see for yourself. Praying Jesus will in His own way draw you to Himself through the scriptures, photos and experiences here.

Our scripture reflections and prayers prior to departure came from Psalm 84. May we lay aside every longing and yearning of our soul in order to long only for the presence and experience of Christ Himself.

Psalm 84
How lovely is your dwelling place O Lord Almighty. My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God…blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising You. Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Better is one day on your courts than a thousand elsewhere… My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord.

I’m about to set foot in the Holy Land! I can hardly believe it. The place Jesus lived…where He walked, served, loved and died. The place where the gospel ultimately comes to life... Israel.

Joppa {Acts 9:32-43}
The main seaport (Mediterranean Sea) for Jerusalem during Solomon's day. The place from which Jonah fled to Tarshish when God commanded him to go to Ninevah. Where Peter receives his call into ministry and where he demonstrates his faith in Jesus by raising Dorcus from the dead.

Caesarea {Acts 10:1-23, Judges 7:1-7, Revelation 16:16-21}
Located along the Mediterranean. Home to Herod's palace and some of the greatest amphitheaters and arenas of that day. Location of the most famous battlefield in history...the place of King Saul's death and where the Battle of Armageddon will take place at the end of time (last picture of field). This was a huge WOAH moment for me.

Nazareth {Luke 4}

A Catholic church was built over the caves where Mary was said to have had her encounter with the angel Gabriel. This is one of my favorite passages in all of Scripture. Mary, a (nearly) 14 year old virgin said to be with child by the Holy Spirit was approached by Gabriel. Her response: "may it be to me as you have said." I tried to imagine this playing out as I stood there looking into that cave. Just imagine! Left praying to have such faith.

Sea of Galilee {Matt 4:18-22, John 1:43-49, Gen 28:10-17, Mark 4:35, John 21:1-19, Matt 14}

The Sea of Galilee is the only lake in Israel and is also called the Lake of Tiberia, Kinnoreth and Genessoreth. The lake is in the form of a harp and when your near it's sound resembles that of a harp. St. Peters Church is located here in remembrance of Jesus asking three times, "Peter do you love me?". There is a large rock located in the center of the church that represents a table on which Jesus and His disciples may have eaten together.

This was one of my absolute favorite sites. Some of the most powerful stories of faith take place on the Sea of Galilee. For me it was powerful enough to just stand on the shoreline and imagine it, but the minute we set foot onto a boat and sailed out into the midst of it, the Lord had my undivided attention. It's safe to say that this lesson has stuck with me more than any of the others from the trip. If you take a minute to read some of the above scriptures then perhaps you'll see some of these same truths that struck me in those moments on board..

1. No matter where I come from in order to meet God, He comes walking on the water to meet me. 2. He is after me and He will stop at nothing short of fulfilling His every promise. 3. It is flat out okay to ask, just like the disciples, "Lord, don't you care?". 4. But I have to be willing to let him ask me, "What are you afraid of?" 5. When I realize my lack of faith I have to be ready, and willing, to recommit to walking by faith. 6. His promise: FOLLOW ME...and I will make you!

Capernaum {Matt 11:23}

This is the place Jesus performed more miracles than any other city. In spite of His miracles the people of Capernaum failed to repent and faced God’s judgment. The first group of Christians needed a place to meet. They did not go to the synagogue. The site of Peter's Church in Capernaum was the first "House Church". The homes in Capernaum were very small and made of rock. The roof's were made of palm branches and mud, making it easy for the man to be lowered through the roof to be healed by Jesus.

The Mount of Beatitudes {Matt 4:18-5:1, John 9:1-3}

In this particular passage of Scripture we see Jesus moving away from the crowds and up the mountains to rest. The disciples follow Him and He begins to teach them here on the Mt. of Beatitudes, meaning "Good News".

Army Barracks

Mt. Masada located in the Desert of EnGedi {I Samuel 24, Isaiah 40:3-5}
Location of Herod's palace. Also the last stronghold of the Jews. Overlooks the
Dead Sea, which is completely unpopulated due to the high concentration of salt. the desert where David hid from Saul and where the scrolls of Isaiah (dead sea scrolls) were discovered in the caves (last picture). The people literally moved into the desert to prepare the way of the Lord. Wherever the Scriptures said the Lord's presence would be that is where they went.

Is 43:10-21
Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Lesson: Don't ever assume that God's miracles will always come in the same way. He can part the sea and make a desert, or He can part the desert and put the sea there!

Jericho {Luke 19, Hebrews 11:29-31, Joshua 2, Matt 1:5, Joshua 5:13-6:5, II Kings 25:1-12}

An Oasis: a place in the desert that is green all year round. Several significant events took place in Jericho: Zacchaeus, the Good Samaritan, the prostitute Rahab (listed in the genealogy), Jesus temptation in the wilderness and Joshua in the famous battle of Jericho. This was the place Israel saw their first and greatest victory in the land of promise and also the place they saw their own king captured.

Lesson: The place of our greatest strength can also be the place of our greatest weakness. The enemy wants us to believe that our weakness makes us a fraud. He is a liar.

Jerusalem

There really are no words to express the excitement and emotion that came with driving into Jerusalem. My entire bus had broken out in songs of worship. All I remember thinking over and over to myself was, "Holy cow, this is where it all went down. I can't believe I'm here". Our bus drivers dropped us off at an overlook where we had the most amazing view of the entire city. We paused as a group for a time of Hebrew worship and communion. It was incredible. The pictures below include our view, communion, the Kidron Valley and Mt. Zion.

Mt. Moriah --now named Temple Mount
Located in Jerusalem inside the original walls of the Old City. The place God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac and the mountain King David bought from the Jesuits. King Solomon built the original temple here. It was rebuilt by the Jews in a smaller, less attractive form after King Nebuchadnezzar knocked it down. And then ultimately rebuilt in a grander fashion by King Herod. Mt. Moriah was overtaken by Muslims in the 6th century. The saw to it that nothing was left from the Jews. The present day Dome of the Rock located on Temple Mount is now the third holiest site in the world for Muslims.

Garden of Gethsemane {Luke 22:39-46, Matthew 26:36}
Meaning "oil press". The place Jesus may have bore His cross privately.
The gift of Gethsemane: it gives us permission to wrestle with the will of God.
This was one of the most incredible experiences of the whole trip. Our tour guides arranged for our group to have the Garden to ourselves. So after some brief teaching we were asked to go privately to an area of the garden for a time of prayer. No words to describe this experience.

House of Caiaphas

While in the Garden of Genthsemane, Jesus was captured and said to have been taken to the house of Caiaphas for the night. The house is no longer there. Most sacred locations in Israel have been replaced by some type of church. This location is no exception. The prison that was underneath the house still exists today.

City of David

These are the original stairs from the time of Jesus. The very place he walked, without question. He was taken prisoner at Gethsemane then led to the house of Caiaphas. From there he was led through the Kidron Valley and up these stairs to Golgotha.

Garden Tomb {Matthew 27:60, Mark 16:2, John 20:1}

Jesus was crucified on Golgotha, also called Calvary. Both mean "skull". Joseph of Arimethia came and wrapped the body of Jesus and laid it in his very own (new) tomb. The tomb located here in Israel is solid rock from top to bottom. Every inch had to be cut. This was clearly a rich man's tomb. A crack found in the rock is proven to have been caused by the earthquake described in the Scriptures. There are two rooms located inside. One a weeping chamber, the other a burial chamber. The burial chamber included a stone pillow for the head and a cut out for the feet. The garden property was purchased and is run by Christians. Our guide told us that people will often come and leave notes inside the tomb. But they are removed every night because, "we're not mourning the dead; this is no mailbox to heaven." Then he went on to remind us that we don't have to fly thousands of miles for Him to hear us. Amen. I'm SO glad. Aren't you?

Wailing Wall

Also called the Western Wall. A place the Jews could always reach since they were not allowed on Temple Mount. Men and women gather (separately) for prayer. Tradition is to write your prayers and leave them in the wall. Before we even left for Israel we were challenged to pray about what God might have us leave behind in this place.

Eastern Gate

I end with the East Gate because it just gets me so excited. This gate is located in the wall of the old city, on Temple Mount not far from the Dome of the rock. As you'll soon notice by the pictures, the wall is surrounded by tombs and the gate itself has been sealed tight with concrete. The Scriptures tell us that when Christ returns He will return to the Mount of Olives, walk through the Kidron Valley and up through the East Gate into Jerusalem. The Jews believe he is coming for the first time so they request to be buried here to await His coming. The Muslims believe that Jesus would never walk through this place of the dead because it is unclean. And they have shut up the gate to keep him from coming through, even though they don't believe He will actually return.

...And he who was seated on the throne said "Behold, I am making all things new...It is done! I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the springs of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son". Revelation 21:1-7

Yes and Amen.

Summer Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 12:57:00 +0000

This could potentially be one of my favorite places in the entire US. Ok, not potentially... definitely! Can you guess where it is? Yes...............Chicago!! Sorry I didn't give you much time, but I am about to leave on vacation! This is by far the city that I have visited more than any other US city. And I just can't get enough of it. It all started in college thanks to my bestie who attended Moody Bible Institute. I would visit her every year, usually in the dead of winter, right before Christmas break. And that is truly when I fell in love. Chicago at Christmas. How can you not! I fell in love with... The sites. The sounds. The smells. The architecture. The food. The shopping. The lake. The river. Navy Pier. Milenium Park. The Subway (strange, I know). I even love all of the traffic and the crazy cab drivers. Chicago has been named one of the most pedestrian friendly cities. And I love that too...people everywhere...on foot, on bike, on segways. Love it! Whenever I'm in the city I always wish I lived there and worked as a writer or editor for the Chicago Tribune. Ha. Crazy the things we'll spill on a blog!

So I'm headed to the place dear to my heart with people dear to my heart for a vacation (also dear to my heart). At noon today the fam is Chicago bound! Bags packed last night and awake this morning before the sun because I'm so excited. On our agenda is rest and play. Lots of pool time, beach time, aunt time, reading, biking, running, a few museums, the zoo, a couple parks and of course...Giordano's Pizza and Portillos Hot dogs...two of the best Chicago eateries around.

We'll end our stay with our yearly vacation tradition. The thing that actually determines our vacation destination each summer...the Subway Convention. Ha. I know what some of you are thinking. WHAT?? Well, since I was 8 years old my parents have franchised Subway restaurants. And each summer Subway has a huge convention that is located in various places around the US and sometimes even the around the world. So we, typically, plan our vacation around this event. It really is a lot of fun. I don't go to the meetings or anything. That's for the parents. But I do love a good trade show...what can I say, business is in my blood. Not to mention all of the Subway sponsors who are there giving away free food, free drinks and lots of free stuff. And we'll be the first to know and try all of the exciting new sandwiches and products coming up. Jealous, aren't you! Oh and then there's Jared. He, of course, is still the subway spokes model. So he'll be there shaking hands and giving a speech about how he's kept his weight off for so long. And then they'll wrap up the weekend with, literally, one of the best parties you've ever seen in your life.

So there you have it. A little work. A lot of play. Family vacation here we come. Don't worry I'll send you a post card and I'll be sure to post pics when I get back. Probably the best part about this trip is that I'll actually be vacationing in every way. I dropped my phone in water (that part is not so great actually) and I'm leaving my computer at home. So don't try to reach me. I'll see you when I return.

Blogging Conundrum

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:23:00 +0000

Perhaps the rest of the blog world can relate to the subject at hand. Although I would guess, based on the majority of blogs that I read, that most of you cannot. As evident by my prior post it has been almost three months since my last appearance at Tune of Grace. No I did not get a new blogspot address or dare share my writing affections with another blogging site. I just haven't felt like there was much to say, or perhaps didn't quite know how to say it, whatever "it" may be. Every part of life as I've known it the past six years changed drastically between April and July. So many thoughts, so many emotions, so many questions, so many new things...and still nothing to say. Or perhaps so much to say I couldn't say anything at all. Either way, the crazy thing (or the conundrum if you will) is I seem to go through these blogging spurts. I can literally go months with seemingly nothing to say and then boom...I start storing up blog ideas so fast I could write three or more entries in one day. Sheesh. So excuse my blogging turrets. It would seem that my writer's block is coming to an end. Here's what's coming up:

Israel Pilgrimage
G-Free Me
Aunting
Plan B
Rehab Rookie
Friday Faves

Excited to be back!! See you soon!

Saying Goodbye

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:26:00 +0000

What a blessing! It turns out people actually read this thing and some can hardly believe how long I have left everybody hanging in regard to the details of my transition. My apologies to you all. It's really hard work to move! Below is a letter that I sent to my fellow staff members at Houston's First Baptist Church. I've copied it for you here. It includes some brief details in regard to my plans. The truest truth is that I hope to NOT plan for the next few weeks. I am looking forward to rest, to reconnecting with old friends, to being with my family, to spending time reading, sleeping, exercising and BLOGGING! And most of all to connecting with the Lord, through all of these things and through time alone with Him. The past season has been a busy one. It would definitely be in my nature to continue on in that way. But I believe the Lord is calling me to something different. And I hope against hope to fight my personality and just be for a bit. I still have several questions in regard to what's next and I am sincerely excited to see how the Lord will unfold what this new life will look like. I covet your prayers for His direction and peace during this time.

Dear Friends,

Walking with Jesus is quite the adventure. We never really know from day to day exactly what He will speak into our lives or which direction He will take us. It is clear why Scripture repeatedly commands us to walk by faith; walking in obedience to God requires it. I moved to Houston nearly six years ago. I will never forget the first time I stepped through the doors of Houston’s First Baptist as a 24 year old college graduate from Missouri. I was excited, nervous, eager and a bit naïve. I came to be part of a ten week summer missions internship. The Lord, however, had a much bigger plan. When that great summer came to an end I began seeking the “what’s next?” and the Lord began opening doors. I have been incredibly blessed to work in the mission’s office, pastor’s office and finally as women’s associate in Summit Ministries. What a gift to minister side by side with such incredible men and women as you. I would like to personally thank Jerrell Altic, William Taylor, Gregg Matte, Mary Smith, Don Munton, Steve Knox, Dana Moya and Holly Crain for an amazing six years. I have learned so much about humility, service, love, leadership, discipleship, worship and teaching along the way. My time here has carried with it much joy and blessing, along with some lessons, trials and best of all friendships. It is a season I will NEVER forget. Perhaps it is the sweetness of this season that makes its end quite sad.

As announced in staff meeting several weeks ago, I will be leaving Houston’s First and relocating back to St. Louis this week. Today is my last day working here on staff. I feel a strong leading from the Lord to be near my family, as well as to pursue some dreams that He planted in my heart years ago. I feel very gifted in the areas of design (interior/events) and baking. For a long time I've wrestled with feeling like these things are as significant as what I'm doing now in my full time vocational ministry job. The Lord has been challenging me out of I Peter 4:10 which says, "We're to use whatever gifts we've been given to serve others and to administer the grace of God in its various forms. The Lord has used this simple truth to begin to reshape my way of thinking in regard to the things I am called to pursue. I desire to serve others and to administer His grace, in whatever way He chooses. And I go out of a desire to obey and to be greatly used of Him. I will begin taking steps to start my own design company and have a long term goal of opening a bakery. I am excited about the adventures that lie ahead!

The past several years serving alongside each of you have been a great joy for me. I love thinking about the future and all that God has in store for this church family and for each of you as individuals and as a staff community. I pray that you will continue to seek hard after Christ, to fight for truth and to administer His grace in whatever form he has so fashioned you. A piece of my heart will always be here and my thoughts and prayers will be with you all. May the Lord richly demonstrate his love and grace towards you and multiply all that you put your hands to for His name.

Love and Blessings,

Amy

Last Week in Houston

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:22:00 +0000

I left Houston feeling unbelievably loved, cared for and believed in by the people who have meant the most to me. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of everyone. But here are some photos from my last week in that great city!

Going Away Party

My last night with the LPM Praise Team...or sisterhood if you will! These precious girls have been my family the past few years and I will miss the amazing opportunity to do life with them and worship with them each week. Love you all!!

My very last night in Houston was spent eating Tex-Mex (of course!) and hanging with the girls over dueling piano's downtown. It was a BLAST!!

Tieing a Bow

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 20:20:00 +0000

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest and greatest of my life. Saying goodbye is no easy task. Trying to say goodbye well is perhaps even harder. What exactly do I mean by saying goodbye "well"? A good friend recently summed it up beautifully. In reference to my upcoming transition she sent me this text... say strong goodbye's so your hello's in st.louis will be even sweeter. Such a simple statement, but what a profoud impact. I'm not sure I can even communicate the heart ties that I have in Houston. Texas will forever be a special place to me....the place I grew up. My first taste of "real life" after college. My first taste at a full time job. My first taste at living outside of Missouri. My first taste at full time ministry. My first taste at living out my own faith. My first taste at building my own life from the ground up with no family within 1000 miles. This will change you. I moved to Houston in my 20's and left in my 30's. God stripped away everything that I knew and in essence showed me that I knew nothing. And over the past six years He has taught me the most amazing things. He has used people, places, church, ministry, trials, burdens, sickness and joy to capture my heart for Him like never before. He has allowed me to build relationships with people that I pray will last a lifetime. And in the past two weeks as I close the door on this amazing season, God's still teaching. Teaching me to love deeply, to feel fully and to embrace every emotion of life, even the hard ones. Teaching me that life is short, that goodbye is always potentially a moment away and that true joy is found in keeping our hearts soft and open to feel exactly what God wants us to feel. When we are close to people it's often easier to avoid feeling the hard things, but man do we miss out on the fullness of what God intends for us as his children. In embracing my sadness, heartache, grieving and the difficulty of goodbye I discovered something amazing. Each day held more joy. Each day I felt more prepared to leave, more ready for what's next. And what freedom to do so without regret. As I tie a bow on this amazing Houston season I enter Missouri with an indescribable excitement and joy for what lies ahead. Embracing both the loss and the gain. Thankful for every experience and every encounter. And knowing full well that this same God who built something from nothing in Houston will do exceedingly, abundantly more in this new season as well. He is a good God, able to be trusted at ALL TIMES. Grace...grace...grace.

March Madness

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 19:09:00 +0000

I started this post on March 30th and even though we are well into April I am completely determined to finish it. Last you heard from me I was headed to France. Little did I know it would be a full 38 days until I had a chance to sit still again. Europe is an amazing place. I spent a full two weeks traveling in Switzerland, France and Italy. A few extra days than planned due to a British Airways strike. This part of the trip was a bit dramatic and tiring, but I'll spare you those details and just touch on the highlights. I have amazing pictures which I will plan to upload and share with you later. There were 31 people on our team. We were blessed with incredible missionaries who led us in worship and shared about the work of the gospel in Europe each day. I had a chance to do some ministry in a muslim community and got an eye opening glimpse of the darkness and need for Christ in this country. While here in America we tolerate all, the people of Europe tolerate nothing. They pride themselves greatly on being nonreligious. There are huge, beautiful churches all around the cities that sit empty. And when Europeans think of Christianity...that's exactly what the picture...dead Jesus hanging on a cross and dark, empty churches. Here is one such church surrounded by a market ran mostly by muslims. We had a chance to prayer walk this area and talk to people.

We also met an amazing women named Marj who taught us to be authentically European and drink coffee from a bowl! She spent time blessing us with great conversation about missions, ministry and life. She and her husband Russ are full time worship leaders and video producers. They are Canadians working as full time missionaries in Paris. Getting to know them made the trip completely worth it all by itself. I am very excited to connect with them again in the future.

The mission conference of our trip was a huge blessing. Other things that I absolutely loved pertain mostly to food! Aside from the breathtaking views of the French Alps and the Italian city life, I could seriously get used to french pastries, cappuccino, cheese, gelato and Italian food. I seriously think I might be lost to American Italian food every appealing to me again. There are really no words to describe the experience in full. I will just say, if you ever get a chance to go to Italy...take it! No duh...right?

When I returned to Houston after the Europe trip it was full on. My roommate got married three days later. Her and her new husband were planning to live in our current apartment. So returning to Houston consisted of him moving in his things and me helping with wedding festivities. It was a great weekend!

Next my parents came down for a week to help my pack up my things and move them to St. Louis. They were an unbelievable help. I hadn't yet packed anything and they were so gracious to put up with lots of home depot runs, filling box after box and loading a uhaul truck. Not to mention driving it all the way to St. Louis and unloading it...without me. Saying goodbye to Bayou Woods #35 after an amazing 4 years was quite surreal. God did such much in that great little place.

So all my things were packed and headed off to Missouri. I had officially moved out. Next on the agenda was a trip to Baton Rouge to visit dear friends and then a return to Houston for a final two weeks to wrap up the season and relocate. Such a great relief to know all of my things were packed and shipped off. Excited for the next two weeks, which would be filled with celebration, reflection and goodbyes.

Au revoir!

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:11:00 +0000

In just a few short hours I'm headed on my final work related trip. One of the perks of the job that I confess I just LOVE and will miss greatly. This one is going to be awesome. We have a total of 34 people headed to France for a ski trip/missions conference. This trip is unique in that Summit has never done a trip to France. We do ski trips every year, but typically to Colorado. We also do missions trips all over the world. I'm especially excited because this trip combines skiing in the French Alps, missions opportunities in the city, a chance to hear from missionaries to France and plenty of excursions to sites and cities all over the area. In the course of the next 10 days I will be in Switzerland, France and Italy. I'm so pumped!! And don't worry I haven't forgot to pack my camera or my video camera. I can't wait to come back and blog about this. There will be many incredible things to see and do. But I am equally excited to be able to do some ministry and show support for those called to minister full time in France. As it is no small task to spread the gospel in Europe. Each night we will hear from different missionaries about the things that God is up to in this great city. And we'll even have a chance to put feet to our words as we minister to some muslim communities and help some area ministries with manual labor and grounds care. This definitely tops the list for trips with broadest itinerary. Please pray for our team. Our prayer is that perhaps one person will be led of God to minister full time in France or burdened to make a commitment to future involvement. I am especially looking forward to being in the mountains and hope to spend some time reflecting on this upcoming transition in my own life and asking the Lord for continued wisdom and guidance for the future. I am blessed beyond blessed by the experiences these last few years have held, this trip included. So great. So thankful.

I don't plan on accessing the internet or using my phone on the trip. I know this time will be so good for me to fully pull away. That said, I'll see you in a couple weeks.

Blessings to you!

Awakening

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:44:00 +0000

I know that when a conference/record label/album realease is nationally known it seems a ridiculous thing to blog on. But at the risk of being ridiculous, or redundant, here goes. If you're a student, or anywhere near them, you know of a simple little thing called the Passion Conferences. Simple meaning, quite the largest most awesome student conference you'll ever go to in your life. We're talking 20.000+ peeps. And since you've heard of this, then you also know that the Passion2010 album just released this week. If for some reason you don't and you haven't then this post is especially for you. The album features what I like to call the fab5 of six steps... Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockles, David Crowder, Matt Redman, Charlie Hall...and a few newbies to the group...Steve Fee, Kristian Stanfill, even Hillsong United. We're talking worship leader cream of the crop here. I attended the conference back in January and have been waiting for the album to release ever since. When I snagged it from my mailbox just a few days ago it went straight into the computer where it has now been permanently downloaded. Next it went to my car where it sits in the Track 1 postion, on repeat. I have been listening to it almost nonstop. I say almost because I'm trying very hard not to ruin a good thing, like certain Christian radio stations who shall remain nameless. Now I realize that my excitement and enthusiasm in regard to this record is slightly hightened due to the fact that I acutally experienced it live. On some of the songs I can actually envision the singers facial expressions. Although to some this is not necessarily a good thing...remaining nameless yet again. But on to the real reason for this post... I LOVE music! I acutally want to type that another four times because of how true it is, but I'll refrain. There is something about music, particularly songs of praise and worship to God, that express things that are so true of me, and of all of us, that sometimes I feel like I could have written them, and sometimes wish I had! There are stories in the Old Testament that speak of using worship as a weapon. Men actually went into battle with instruments of praise rather than instruments of war. Perhaps such a crazy thought and to us, but it wouldn't be the first time God asked his people to do something that made absolutely NO sense. And what a vivid portrayal of the power and empowerment that the music of God's truth has over our souls. I don't know what "battle" you're in today, but I hope and challenge you to carry the weapon of God's truth. Yes, of course through His Word, but also through His song. Have a favorite album that hits the nail on the head every time? Put it in! Don't have one or need a fresh word of encouragement or inspiration? Check out Awakening soon. I promise you won't be disappointed. And don't worry I don't work for Passion. I don't get a portion of the proceeds or anything. :) I just love passing on a good thing, particularly when that good thing helps me to know and love God more. I'll leave you with some powerful lyrics from the album have had a particularly strong presence in my life this week:

I hear your voice and this is my AWAKENING.
Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes we rise. There's no one like YOU.
And we are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If grace is an ocean we're all sinking.
And if our God is FOR us then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us then what could stand against.
No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know, could keep us from your LOVE.
Our present, our future, our past is in your hands. We're COVERED by your blood.
Our shame was deeper than the sea, your grace went further still.
We need your PRESENCE more than anything.
We'll sing the gospel to the poor. We'll go to comfort those who mourn. We'll sing the news of all your grace. We'll help the broken hearted PRAISE.

Whew. So good. I could keep going, but I'll let you experience the rest for yourself. Now go get your weapon out and start worshiping. Then stop back by and let me know what songs/lyrics are encouraging you today!

On The Move

noreply@blogger.com (amy) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 06:39:00 +0000

So let's see, where did we leave off?? Oh yes, I'M MOVING! Bound for St. Louis mid April. Home again, home again... My last official day working for Houston's First will be Wed, April 14. I plan to be back in Missouri by the end of that week. Exactly how leisurely a trip will depend on a certain niece or nephew due to enter the world on or around April 18th. This child, boy or girl, and still nameless (at least to extended family, but I'm not bitter!) will be determining a lot of things that week. Right now I'm in the process of selling furniture and preparing to move out of my condo at the end of the month. My roommate is getting married in two weeks and since her man is moving in, I will be moving OUT! The rest of this month is pretty crazy as I will be packing and sending most of my things north about two weeks before I actually leave Texas. And smack dab in the middle of all that is a trip to France that I am leading with our singles ministry. Whew, anybody else tired yet! Since March is so crazy though, I'm really thankful to have the extra two weeks to see people and get some closure before heading out. Now on to the big question...why am I moving? Well if this isn't reason enough...

Mikail Elise (2)

Gracyn Mykenze (1)

?? due April 18

There's a bit more...

But I'll have to leave you hanging again. We've covered the where. We've covered the when. Next we'll get to the why...as soon as I get back from France. Continued update coming in about 2 weeks.

See you then!