Complimentor

Is your lover insecure? A simple question could transform your romantic relationship

2020-04-21T01:37:00.001-07:00

Loving an insecure person can be frustrating. You always feel like you have to offer praise or reassurance. Not only can that be exhausting, but in trying to do what you think is helpful, you might actually be making matters worse.

When people with insecurities hear something good about themselves, they tend to doubt or even dismiss it, as much research shows. This means, quite perplexingly, that hearing positive feedback can often raise their anxieties, because it may clash with the more pessimistic views they hold of themselves.

Show interest in your partner by asking, “How was your day?” (Shutterstock)

Insecure people may wonder whether their partner truly knows them, or worry that they cannot live up to the partner’s expectations. At times, praise can even lead their minds to argue back; it can trigger unfavourable thoughts about themselves that contradict the praise.
What can loving partners do instead? Try conveying genuine curiosity, rather than compliments. Asking a simple question — “How was your day?” — can show concern without triggering a negative self-assessment.

At the University of Waterloo, we recently conducted a series of studies showing that asking this simple question can make insecure people feel cared for. We ran two survey studies involving 359 adults (aged 18 to 66) across the United States who were in romantic relationships.

Fly under their insecure radar

To determine our research participants’ level of security and trust in their partner’s love, we gave them a questionnaire assessing how confident they were that their partner loves them, is committed to them and will be responsive to them in times of need. Another questionnaire tapped into their relationship satisfaction.
In two studies, we found that the satisfaction reported by those who usually felt more insecure in their relationships actually increased when their partners asked them about their day.

For people higher in security, who were already high in relationship satisfaction, being asked “How was your day?” was rarely the boost that it was for people lower in security.
Why is asking “How was your day?” effective? We anticipated that this expression of interest, if it is genuine, signals caring.

To test the idea, we conducted another study. Participants read a scenario in which a couple, Mike and Sarah, had a pleasant, brief conversation after Sarah arrived home from work. Participants in one group read that during that conversation, Mike asked Sarah about her day. Participants in a second group were not given this detail.

Those who read that Mike asked Sarah about her day predicted that Sarah felt more cared for than participants who were not given this detail. The benefit did not derive from Sarah describing her day; when participants read a scenario about Sarah describing her day, even though Mike had not asked, participants thought Sarah would not feel as cared for as when Mike asked her directly.

We suspect that this care signal works especially well for people low in security because it is subtle and nonthreatening. It does not make them question why a partner is asking or whether they deserve it. Thus, asking about a partner’s day may fly under the insecure person’s radar.

Curiosity more effective than praise

There is nothing special about the four words, “How was your day?” Rather, showing genuine interest is special.

In a final study, we brought 162 romantic couples (undergraduates or from the community, between 17 and 47 years of age) into the laboratory and separated them, ostensibly to work on different tasks.
We led participants to believe that their partner had written a note to them. In one group, the partners simply described their own experiences, whereas in the other group, partners described their own experiences, but also asked, “How did your task go? Did you enjoy it?”

Partners lower in security who received the note that asked about their experiences felt more cared for by their partners than those who were not asked. In contrast, for people higher in security, being asked did not matter. We suspect that people high in security don’t need the signal of interest to feel valued.

We’re not suggesting you should stop praising your insecure partner altogether. The complete absence of praise could be harmful, especially if your partner asks for praise or reassurance. But praise may not accomplish what you want it to. Don’t count on reassurance to convince your partner that you care.

Instead, show interest in him or her by asking, “How was your day?” Showing attention and interest in someone, especially in a society as filled with distractions as ours, can be the most important signal of caring there is.

Story by Joanne Wood, University of Waterloo and Kassandra Cortes, Wilfrid Laurier University [ Deep knowledge, daily. Sign up for The Conversation’s newsletter. ]
Joanne Wood, Professor of Psychology, University of Waterloo and Kassandra Cortes, Assistant Professor, Lazaridis School of Business and Economics, Wilfrid Laurier University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Give people your love

2017-05-04T03:08:00.001-07:00

"Don’t give in to a life where you follow the hype,
give people your love, don’t give them your like.
Disconnect from the need to be heard and defined
Go out into the world, leave distractions behind."

The above verse is from the wonderful poem "Look Up" by Gary Turk.

Fortunately, Gary made it into a poemvlog that has been viewed millions of times. It is the kind of video you should bookmark or store on your phone and view it regularly to remind you to "give people your love."

Does your empathy predict if you would stop and help an injured person?

2017-04-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

If you see an injured person by the side of the road, would you stop and help them, or are you more likely to walk on by? What motivates people to do good in such a situation?

A team of psychologists at the University of Cambridge has conducted a social psychology experiment to test the theory that an individual’s level of empathy influences their behaviour. The results of their preliminary study, dubbed “The Trumpington Road Study” and published in the journal Social Neuroscience, suggest that this theory is correct.

In the experiment, one of the team posed as an injured person, sitting on the grass on Trumpington Road, one the main roads running through Cambridge, next to the Cambridge University Botanic Garden. Next to the ‘injured’ person was his upturned bicycle. Another member of the team was standing innocently across the road, watching to see if anyone was approaching from the side road of Brooklands Avenue.

As soon as a member of the public approached the street corner, alone, and was about to turn into Trumpington Road, he gave a quiet signal to the ‘injured’ person to start rubbing his ankle. The experiment had begun. The researcher across the street then noted if the passer-by stopped to ask the ‘injured’ man if he was OK.

Irrespective of whether passers-by stopped or not, once they had walked further up Trumpington Road, they were intercepted by a third researcher who told them she was conducting a ‘memory’ experiment, inviting them to describe what they had seen along the road in the last few minutes. Various items had been left on the sidewalk (such as a scarf) to make this a plausible cover story. Those who agreed to take part were also asked to visit a website in their own time, and complete the Empathy Quotient (EQ) and Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) questionnaires, and were told they would receive a token payment of £6 for taking part.

As the team predicted, EQ scores were higher in those who had stopped to help the injured cyclist, than in those who walked past him, presumably focused on their own agenda.

The study was led by Richard Bethlehem, a Cambridge PhD student, and Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, Director of the Autism Research Centre at the University of Cambridge. 37 (19 males, 18 females) completed both the EQ and also the AQ. They ranged in age from 18 to 77 years old.

Interestingly, how many autistic traits a person recorded was not related to whether they stopped to help or not, suggesting that empathy is the key factor, not autistic traits. Nor did age predict who stopped or not. Of those who stopped to help, 80% were female.

Richard Bethlehem said: “Experimental studies are often confined to the lab, which means they lack ‘ecological validity’. In this novel study we tested if empathy scores predict if people will act altruistically in a real-world setting. Our results support the theory that people who do good are, at least partially, driven by empathy.”

Dr Carrie Allison, a member of the team, commented: “How much empathy one has is itself a complex outcome of both biological factors and early upbringing and is a skill that can improve with development, learning, and practice.”

Professor Baron-Cohen, author of Zero Degrees of Empathyand the Chair of Trustees of the Canadian-based charity “Empathy for Peace”, said: “This research is a first step towards understanding why some people may or may not stop to help a person in distress. Studies conducted ‘in the wild’ are notoriously difficult to undertake, and even this small sample was derived from over 1,000 passers by. We will need to await a larger-scale replication. These results suggest that one factor that predicts which individuals will not stand idly by, is how many degrees of empathy they have.”

The study was supported by the Autism Research Trust, the Medical Research Council, the Pinsent Darwin Trust, and the Cambridge Trust, and was conducted in association with the NIHR CLAHRC for Cambridgeshire and Peterborough NHS Foundation Trust.

Reference
Bethlehem, CA et al. Does empathy predict altruism in the wild?Social Neuroscience; 19 Oct 2016; DOI: 10.1080/17470919.2016.1249944

The text in this work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. See the original article at Cambridge University Research.

Flowers have powers to change men’s dating prospects, studies suggest

2016-03-03T02:51:00.000-08:00

By Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Monmouth University

Whether it is red roses for Valentine’s Day or a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers as a bride walks down the aisle, flowers are inextricably linked with relationships. But can the mere presence of flowers influence relationships, such as affecting dating prospects? Apparently they can, if we are to believe the results of experiments done by Nicolas Guéguen at the University of Southern Brittany.

In the first experiment, Guéguen randomly assigned female participants to watch a video of a male discussing food while participants were either sitting in a room decorated with three vases full of flowers (roses, marigolds, and daisies), or sitting in a room decorated with empty vases. Women who sat in the room with flowers rated the male in the video as sexier and more attractive – and they were more willing to date him.

Next he assessed whether flowers would have the same effect when a flesh-and-blood male was involved. So he set up an experiment involving 100 female undergraduate and a man judged to be attractive. Each of these young women were led in turn to a room where the man was waiting. The researcher welcomed them both as part of the study, although – unknown to the young women, the man was part of the experiment. He then led them to separate rooms, where the woman watched the food video, all the time thinking the man was doing the same thing.

Once the young woman had watched the video, she was collected by the researcher and led to the man’s room where they were told to discuss the video. After allowing them to talk alone for a few minutes, the researcher entered the room and asked them to wait for a few minutes while he printed off some questionnaires which they would both be asked to complete. While he was away, the man, who used a script in order to have a similar interaction with each participant, engaging the young woman in small talk, complimenting them (“You seem very nice…”) and asking for their phone number.

Some 80% of women who had watched the video in a room with flowers gave out their phone number compared to 50% of women who had not sat in a room with flowers.

Guéguen didn’t stop there. He wanted to be sure that flowers really have a large impact on the outcome. So he ran another experiment, where an attractive male asked 600 young women, all of whom were walking alone in a shopping mall, for their phone number. However, the male didn’t just make his requests at any old place in the mall – he specifically asked for phone numbers either in front of a flower store, a cake store, or a women’s shoe store.

As predicted, and consistent with the previous studies, the male was more successful in getting a woman’s phone number when he asked her for it in front of a flower shop. Although he was rejected the majority of the time, he got lucky on 24% of occasions when he asked for a phone number in front of a flower shop, compared to a 15.5% success rate near the cake store and an 11.5% success rate near the shoe store.

So it seems flowers can influence women’s perceptions of a male’s attractiveness and dateability whether in a lab or in a shopping mall.

In each case, it is possible that flowers’ close association with romance is responsible for the effect, or, it may be that flowers put people in a good mood that then makes them more generous in their ratings of others and their subsequent behaviour.

“Don’t forget the flowers” is always a good tip for men hoping to find new partners – and these experiments prove that they can be unusually effective.

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Professor of Psychology, Monmouth University
This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Live your dreams - Grow you

2013-05-08T04:57:00.000-07:00

What on earth are you here for? You can find the answer in Rick Warren's highly recommended book Purpose Driven Life. It is the second most-translated book in the world, after the Bible, and have sold millions of copies.

If you google "Rick Warren", you'll find lots of advice and wise quotes by him. Really thoughtful stuff. For instance, he reminds us that "relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E
because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves."

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.

But it's not just about how much you give or share with others; the emphasis is on why YOU are important and how you can find the true value of your life... the reason why you are here on earth.

GROW YOU

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.

Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.

Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.
Don't regress.

Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr /Mrs Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfil your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.

Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.

Simplify your life.
Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.

Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.

You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid.
Don't lose your capacity to love.

Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't grow old.
Just grow YOU!

You can follow Rick Warren on twitter @RickWarren.

Give time this Christmas

2012-12-14T03:41:00.000-08:00

"You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

Powerful words, are they not? They make you sit up and think. But it also makes you realize that money or an expensive gift perhaps is not at all on the wish list of some people this Christmas. Perhaps they just want to have a bit of your time. Perhaps just sharing a few words over a cup of coffee or few minutes over the phone.

The above words are by Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life: What on earth am I here for? They make so much sense. Your time can be a wonderful Christmas gift to someone this year. Imagine the smile when you walk through that door!

It's almost Christmas. Don't delay, do it today. As Warren says, "The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now."

When is a compliment not a compliment?

2012-07-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Compliments are not only in verbal form. You also feel complimented by association. For instance, you feel good being part of a certain group or wearing a particular brand of clothing.

Flattery comes in the same way. And as you know, compliments come from the heart but flattery is insincere, tongue-in-cheek, and almost always comes with a hidden motive.

Flattery in verbal form is easy to spot. But what about flattery by association? Have you really thought it through thoroughly about the group or network you associate yourself with? Does it pay you a compliment? Or is it flattery?

Look at those cigarette ads. Beautiful people, fast cars, expensive locations. But look at smokers in real life? An ad with smokers should actually be a group of people with yellow teeth, bad breath and foul-smelling hair.

Want to be part of a popular group at school? Look at those hanging out with a bully. They look confident and seem to laugh a lot, flattering each others actions. Then look at them when the bully is not around. Suddenly they look downtrodden and lost. Poor souls. They should have have thought twice.

Your action could be a compliment to you or an insult. When you vote, take a closer look at the results of the candidate's past actions. Do you want to be associated with that?

"Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver." - Edmund Burke. And as George Chapman said, "Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs."

Let the people and things you associate with be a compliment to you when others look at you.

Be Attitude

2012-06-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

The famous "Be Attitude" is worth a re-visit often. It is positive, motivating, encouraging.

Be understanding to your perceived enemies.
Be loyal to your friends.
Be strong enough to face the world each day.
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.
Be generous to those who need your help.
Be teachable to show maturity.

Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.
Be willing to share your joys.
Be willing to share the sorrows of others.
Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.
Be a follower when you are surrounded by the mists of uncertainty.
Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.
Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.
Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.
Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.
Be willing to change your negative attitude
Be loving to those who love you.
Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.
Above all, be yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive

2012-03-08T00:52:00.000-08:00

"Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults."

These wise words are part of the the lyrics to the Baz Luhrman song, Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen):

"If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience… I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked…

You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind… the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life… the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…

What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can… don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance… even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…"

Happy Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T05:04:00.000-08:00

What greater compliment can one receive but to be asked to be someone's Valentine on Valentine's Day? And, in return, pay a great compliment by asking someone to be your Valentine or send your loved one a Valentine's Day SMS text message.

And if you want the whole world to know who your Valentine is, send a Valentine's poem to his/her twitter.

Valentine's Day SMS messages:

Love so steady, love so fine, be my Valentine and I'll be thine.

Love is true
Love is for me
Love is for you.
Happy Valentines, my darling!

Our bond will never break, our smiles never fade, our love never end. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day.

I asked God for a rose and he gave me flowers;
I asked God for water and he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel and he gave me the best Valentine ever!
I love you!

Have I told you lately that I love you, that there is no one above you? Happy Valentine's Day my darling.

Valentine's Day special. My heart is for sale. 100% discount to you only!

U r my 24/7, my 365, u r my disco, my jive, u r my cheese and my chive, u make my valentine's day come alive.

This SMS is for you specific... because you are terrific. Please be my Valentine!

More Valentine's Day SMS

Happy Valentine's Day!

You will definitely share this

2011-12-29T01:53:00.000-08:00

Watch this video. You will definitely share this... because of who you are.

Often, words are not even needed to pay a great compliment.

Have a great day!

Giving compliments to another person while your partner is around

2011-11-22T06:36:00.000-08:00

Here is a good question: How do give a compliment to a person of the opposite sex while your partner is around? Is it right to do that at all?

Yes, it is all right to pay another person of the opposite sex a compliment when you are with your partner. But you have to be careful not to offend your partner.

Hayley Quinn of onlinedating.org explains how it is done:

Guess what?

2011-10-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke. If you keep saying you can't trust a person, you will always find someone in your life to betray you. If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your thoughts will push people away from you.

The reason is that we are more than the sum of our parts. We all have a sixth sense. We feel things. When we walk into a room we immediately either feel welcome or not. Yet, if we have a positive attitude we will almost always feel welcome when we walk into that room because the others will sense our attitude and respond accordingly.

It's no secret that people love successful people. If you have an aura of success, people will be attracted to you. So, start counting your riches:

1. Are you healthy?

2. Do you have a roof over your head?

3. Do you have food to eat?

See, you are so much wealthier than millions of others! Be grateful. Feel successful... because you are.

Never be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve. Be positive. Be deserving. Be loving. Always expect more. More from others and more from yourself. And guess what? You'll get it.

You can start by doing something very simple today: pay someone a compliment. And guess what?

Sow the seed

2011-09-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

You will reap what you sow...

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.

If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.

If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.

If you plant hard work, you will reap success.

Sow a compliment today and see how it grows. Because you will reap what you sow.

May the fruits of your harvest bless you greatly!

Keeping in touch

2011-06-13T04:28:00.000-07:00

The summer holiday is almost here. Away we go, to visit the family and spend a bit of time down by the sea. Away from you too, my dearest friend. But I'll keep in touch. I'll send you SMS messages and holiday pictures on my mobile and put some photos up on Facebook too so that you can keep track of all our smiles.

I want to do that because you always keep in touch with me when you are travelling on business or whenever you're away for even just a day or two. That's real cool. Honestly, I have always considered it a compliment. And I'll gladly repay the compliment.

Have a great holiday. And, as always, please stay in touch.

Be nice to people

2011-04-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take a lot of effort. Just a few seconds of your day. Be nice to people. All people.

It's easy. And it starts with you, the way you approach your day. As the saying goes, "Some wake up in the morning and say, 'Good morning, Lord' while others start on the wrong foot, 'Good lord! Morning'." Even if you're not religious, start with a positive attitude: "Good morning and happy day, dearest me!" If you start your day happy, chances are you will make the day happy for a lot of others.

And, of course, you never know who you might meet during the day. Jimmy Durante, US actor, comedian, pianist, & singer (1893 - 1980) said it best: "Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."

We say, just be nice anyway. To yourself too. You deserve it.

How to handle a compliment

2011-03-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Receiving a compliment obviously is nice. But how do you handle a compliment? How does one respond to a compliment? It depends on the type compliment.

Respond to a sincere compliment with an equally sincere "thank you." If someone tells "You look nice today" or "Your hair looks great" or "You are always very helpful" respond with thanking him or her. You do not need to feel obliged to respond with a lengthy reiteration of your appreciation or the compliment because "Thank you!" is a powerful little sentence that most often says enough.

If you feel the compliment you receive is equally suited for the complimentor, reply with "Thank you. And so do you." Or, "Thank you. You too."

What if it is a flirty compliment? Like these:

You must be in the wrong place - the Miss Universe competition is over there.

If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the McGorgeous!

May I have your picture? I want to prove to my friends that angels do exist.

Well, you decide. Say thanks or smile. After all, a compliment is the oldest technique of flirting and it works well if it is done well and responded to well enough. Next time you enjoy a flirty compliment, respond with a wink.

However you respond to a compliment, do so immediately. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Show your appreciation for the compliment.

I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

Valentine's Day compliment

2011-02-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

Breakfast in bed, flowers delivered at the office, Valentine's Day SMS messages sent all day, cosy table for two at a romantic restaurant, chocolates for a late night snack and then cuddling up. But all of these will have so much more meaning if it comes with the greatest compliment of all: "I love you!"

Or you can stay in and prepare a candle-lit Valentine's Day dinner together. AllRecipes has over 600 recipes for Valentine's Day. And, yes, lots of them include delicious chocolate.

Wishing you Happy Valentine's Day!

Saint Valentine

Saint Valentine himself was not so lucky to end the day with roses and chocolates. In the year 270, he disobeyed a decree that canceled marriages and engagements and continued to marry lovers during the festival of Lupercalia, the fertility festival. He was caught and dragged to jail. Shortly before his execution, he fell in love with the jailer's daughter and signed his last note to her "From your Valentine."

You do not have to count to 10

2011-01-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

It is cold outside. Raining. It is cold inside too. You're feeling close to miserable. And when someone says something - anything - to you it feels like a cold steel blade cutting through your private space. The old adage is that you have to count to 10 before responding. But you do NOT have to count to 10. All you have to do is THINK FAST BUT THINK TWICE.

Here's how it works:
1. Quickly, think of something that you did well today or are doing well at this moment, something like: you held your response before uttering what's really on your mind, you kept to your senses;
2. Pay yourself a compliment for it: "Good boy/Good girl! - yes I am!"

3. Immediately think of something positive about the person you're responding to. It may not be easy but give it your best shot. - - "Good!"
4. Go the extra step: think about a compliment for that person. You don't have to mention it, just think it.

See, you don't have to give a compliment out loud - you can just think it. After all, 80% of talk is self-talk. And if you can think it you can do it.

So, go ahead. THINK FAST about a compliment to yourself.

That's brilliant! Have a great day!

[The "Hello Me" image is from Inspired Services. Hey, ain't that a great title for a business? "Inspired" - such a good word. Reminds me of you!]

Compliment building blocks

2011-01-14T02:25:00.000-08:00

The road to success always seem to be under construction! But with a little help from friends the obstacles can look much smaller and the journey to success will be shorter.

A word of encouragement is like water to the thirsty. "My friend, keep going. You're doing well." Or, "You might want to do this all by yourself but you don't have to feel lonely doing it. I'm just a phone call away."

Add a compliment to the encouragement and you will be adding a building block to success:

Success will suit you well - you deserve it.

I know you can do it. You look like a winner.

I see the success in your eyes. You encourage all of us. As you always do!

You look good now! You'll look FANTASTIC when you reach your goal!

To finish first, first you have to finish. A compliment will help your friend finish... and finish well. Your compliment will go a long way down the line of his/her success... and yours. Because your friendship is deserved.

Christmas gift suggestions

2010-12-23T04:24:00.000-08:00

To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To every child, a good example.
To all, charity.
To yourself, respect.

Have a merry Christmas.

All about Christmas

The complicated side of compliments

2010-10-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, not everyone has a compliment up the sleeve to give at a moment's notice. Nor should they have, of course, because compliments are meant to be sincere. But there are occasions when one sure wish one had, at that moment, the right words for a compliment.

British comedian David Mitchell looks at the sometimes complicated side of paying compliments.

A single rose can be my garden

2010-09-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

"A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world," said Leo Buscaglia. What a great compliment!

How can one measure the value of friendship? It is not only by deeds or favors that a friend shows his/her true value but also by his or her emotions, the support for your situation or view. And by those little things like an exchange of glances and you immediately know you have the same view; or a smile to confirm what you both think of what someone did or said. Or those unseen things: just being there without having to say anything to all. After all, you are more than the sum of our parts. And a friend is part of the sum of you.

Spend just a minute to quickly send your friend a friendship card - it will be minute that will last for a long time.

The friendship image is by schoolplaten.

How to compliment your pet

2010-08-26T05:14:00.000-07:00

They say babies speak many languages but eventually settle on the one their parents can understand. Animals, on the other hand, stick to their own language. If you want communicate with animals then there are a few things you (not they) have to learn.

We humans have some difficulty understanding bark and meow and other animal languages. Not everyone has the animal communication talents of Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer. Fortunately (for us), cats and dogs and other animals do not mind much for words. They do, however, mind very much about the tone of your voice and the body language that you use when addressing them. In simple terms, it means that animals can understand all human communication... if we do it right.

Your pet will understand a command or request in English, French, Mandarin, Russian or any other language in pretty much the same way - unless, of course, if you have trained your pet specific complicated commands (but they are quick to pick up those in other languages, as well). People who inherit pets from a place with a different home language find that the pets easily understand them. In short, animals ain't as dumb as some might think.

Which means animals will understand when you pay them a compliment. It's all in the voice and the body language. Same as when you communicate with humans: you do not bark a compliment at a person! You say it nicely. That's how you compliment your pet. And, as for humans, it is important to pay your pet a compliment when it deserves it. A friendly "Good girl" or "Good boy" will do wonders for both of you. Because a happy pet usually have a happy owner. And... pet owners live longer and are healthier and happier!

Image characters are Carl and Dug from the Pixar movie UP.
Get a pet today at Pet Finder

Compliment to my mother

2010-08-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

A hundred year from now
It will not matter
What your bank account was,
The sort of house you lived in,
Or the kind of car you drove.

But the world will be different
Because you were important
In the life of a child.

Thank you, Mom!

Tribute:
The wonderful tribute is from a wall plackard - the author not mentioned. The beautiful Mother and Son painting is by New Zealand painter Bryce Brown.