Maybe you are too.

Life gets going. Responsibilities begin to stack up. We see the value of what we are doing. In fact, if WE DON’T, who will? Our days become dedicated and dictated by a long list of urgent things while the margin we desire to accomplish the important things never seems to show up.

Can you relate?

In Luke 10:38-42 we read the account of Martha throwing a dinner party at her house. Jesus and His disciples were the guests of honor. Martha was running around the house, consumed by the details of getting things ready. To her frustration, her sister Mary was just sitting there doing NOTHING but listening to Jesus teach.

Frustrating.

You can almost here the thoughts going around in Martha’s head.

“Here I am doing all these things, and she is just sitting there!”
“Doesn’t anyone see how busy I am?”
“I wonder if Jesus is impressed by how hard I am working and how much I am doing for Him?”

It finally reaches the point where she calls her sister out in front of Jesus, asking Him to tell Mary to give her some help. Jesus reply is probably somewhat shocking, even offensive to Martha who was so focused on her work, her busyness, and what needed to be accomplished.

“There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The Martha Mentality.

It’s built in to our culture and the way we live. Often we equate busyness with importance or effectiveness. We value the how much we are doing as we often miss the important “why” behind it all. Jesus response to Martha challenges this mindset. It challenges me. It turns the Martha Mentality on its head.

Here are a signs that the Martha Mentality has begun to creep in to our lives:

Busyness FOR Jesus has replaced Being WITH Jesus.

WORK has replaced WORSHIP.

Focusing on WHAT I DO more than WHO I AM, or WHO I AM BECOMING.

Overlooking the IMPORTANT for the URGENT.

The challenge for me as I read and reflect on this story is that Martha didn’t see it in her own life. She was just trying to get things done. She was just “serving” Jesus.

I believe in working hard. I believe in putting in our best effort. But when I confuse the order and importance of things it quickly can lead me to the Martha Mentality in my life.

For many youth pastors and youth ministries the thought of summer can bring mixed emotions.

“Will attendance drop?”
“Will my leaders continue to show up?”
“How can we continue to reach, connect and disciple students during the summer months?”

Maybe you have asked yourself those questions. Maybe you are wrestling through others. No matter what you may feel about summer as it relates to student ministry, allow me to share a few thoughts.

The LAST thing I want for students is for them to equate a break from school with a break from God (Summer Break = Break from God). That never sits well with me. I know every church and community has different values and cultures, but I see summer not as a time to wind down, but a time maximize its strengths!

Here are 5 Built in Strengths that Summer provides for Youth Ministry.

TIME
Your students will have more free time in the summer months than any other season of the year! What are you doing to maximize that? If you don’t give them a plan, it will get filled with something. Create environments and plans where they can read the bible and connect with some leaders.

RELATIONSHIP
The summer time lends itself toward relationship, especially in the Northwest where summer gives us LONGER breaks between rain. How will you be intentional this summer with building relationship with your students and staff? Plan some things just for the sake of hanging out and getting to know each other better. This investment will bring strength throughout the year.

GROWTH
Summer is a great time to give students new opportunities to grow in their faith. Doing a missions trip, a student summer internship or discipleship focus are a few ways to keep young people from taking a “break” from their faith during the summer months. For many of our students, they will have a summer camp experience. What are we planning on doing after that EVENT to keep them moving forward? Growth is a daily decision, so what can you put in place to help them?

MOMENTUM
A moving vehicle is always easier to turn. If youth ministry STOPS during the summer months, the time it takes to gain new momentum in the fall is a lot longer than if things are moving along as normal. You can continue to see growth through the summer! Plan some fun events or after parties following your youth service. If you give students a reason to show up, they probably will.

FUN
Youth Pastor, remember that your students need to see you enjoying life and having fun. Model for your students the reality that God loves it when His children have fun. Don’t make the mistake of making fun an event. Take time this summer to show them that when you serve Jesus, life is fun!

What are some ways that you have leaned in to the strength of summer in youth ministry?

Maybe you too have been a victim. You go to pour a bowl of your favorite breakfast cereal (the kind you always wanted to get when you were a kid, but it wasn’t healthy enough) and nothing but a few crumbs and that dust that seems to settle at the bottom of every cereal box. Or better yet, you go to grab the coffee pot – groggy and tired – and just a few drips fall into your cup as a reminder that you should have woken up earlier if you wanted some coffee.

We never find what we are looking for in empty things.

And do not turn aside; for then you would go after empty things which cannot profit or deliver, for they are nothing.

1 Samuel 12:21 NKJV

Samuel reminds the people that what God has to offer is far different than the empty things that they are often guilty of running after in life. These things cannot profit. They cannot deliver.

There is a tendency in life to turn aside to thing that are empty.

What Jesus offers us is something completely different.

He offers us life to the full (John 10:10).

He offers a new life (2 Corinthians 5:17).

He offers salvation from an empty, dead existence (Ephesians 2:5) and the need to chase empty things.

He offers us freedom from areas of the past that gripped our identity, and offers us a new identity in Him (Ephesians 5:8, 1 Corinthians 6:11)

Avoid the empty things, since God has promised life to the full.

For our 10 year wedding anniversary, Amber and I thought it would be fun to write a post to invest in other peoples relationships. Over the past 10 years of marriage we have experienced incredible joy and blessing, as well as challenges. Through it all, God’s grace and faithfulness have been the anchor that has held our lives. We are thankful for the investment that MANY have made into our marriage relationship.

Here are 10 Marriage Tips from 10 years of marriage that we have found beneficial.

1) Don’t go to bed mad
Sounds simple, until you are ticked. Living this principle out will save you and your marriage. It will keep “little” things from becoming “BIG” things. Making the choice to live out what the bible tells us to do (“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger…”) is an incredible investment into your marriage. Stay up, talk things through, extend forgiveness and sleep good!

2) Invest in growing your relationship
Read books. Go on dates. Take a couple out who you want to influence your marriage and relationship. Keep investing, because this is your most important relationship that you have!

3) Give the grace you want
It’s easy to want the other individual to extend grace to us, but do we extend the same grace that we want to receive? Give what you want to receive in your marriage. One area where we have seen incredible blessing is when we make it our goal to out serve each other. When my focus is on bringing and being a blessing to the other person, it is amazing how blessing comes back my direction.

4) You don’t always have to be right
Soon after I had proposed to Amber, I went to visit a man in our church who was battling cancer. I was with my Pastor, Steve Jamison, who asked the man if there was any advice he would give me as I was preparing for marriage. Herman looked straight at me without hesitation and said these words:

You don’t always have to be right…even when you are.

That was the voice of wisdom! I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to be right, thought I was right, needed to prove that I was right…and that voice would echo in my head.

5) Do devotions together
It’s about as cliche as they come, but it is true. The family that prays together, stays together. It is hard to hold a grudge or be frustrated with someone if you’re praying blessing over them!

6) Keep the right priority: GOD – SPOUSE – KIDS – OTHERS
I think there is an important order in our relationships. If we are not careful we can place things in the wrong order. I have seen marriages that try and “stay together for the kids”. This order is broken. What happens when the kids are gone? Keep Jesus first, your spouse next, then your kids and finally other relationships and friendships.

7) Laugh together
It is VITAL to have fun, make memories and laugh together. We get one shot as this thing, so we should do our best to enjoy the journey. Some of our favorite moments have been when we just laugh together. Have fun and don’t take yourself so serious!

8) Find physical activity you can enjoy together
My guess is if you are a man and just read this you wondered why this wasn’t #1 on the list. IN ADDITION to your initial thought of what this means, we have found so many good things in being active together. Tyler and I run together, go on walks and hikes, rock climb and from time to time play some family t-ball in the street. There is something important about being active together and finding things that you enjoy doing TOGETHER.

9) Manage finance together
This can be by far one of the greatest stress points on a marriage. Make the choice for it to not be. Work together on your goals and dreams, make a plan and implement it! One great resource that we have used is Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey.

10) Keep it creative
There have been seasons where either life or budget didn’t make it convenient to go on a date. In those times we had to be creative. We would encourage spouses to put the same energy, effort and creativity into your relationship that you did when you were trying to convince them to marry you back in the day!

Those three simple words have a lot packed into them.

Those three words go against how I am wired. It goes against the consistent loud shouts which embed themselves in our hearts and minds that it is all about US. The result is seen and felt: living lives that say more of me.

If we are honest, we usually like it when it is about more of us.

I am thankful for reminders of what a “less of me” life looks like. Most often I find these examples in people other than me (I know…hard to imagine).

The other night Amber wasn’t feeling good. Our son Justus, who is now 4, went to his room and grabbed his favorite thing in the whole world: his lion stuffed animal affectionately named ‘Baby Lion’. This is a big statement of what “less of me” looks like. If Justus gets hurt, doesn’t feel good or is sad, the first thing he usually wants is his lion. It brings him comfort. He and Baby Lion have been best buds since day one in the hospital when I gave it to him. Justus knows how his friend makes him feel. So what does he do when he sees someone else in need? He offers something that could help the OTHER person.

He demonstrated a “less of me” attitude.

I want that more in my life.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

Maybe you are a little like me. You don’t like to be inconvenienced. You don’t enjoy disruption. If you could, you would always have things roll your direction. It becomes easy in life to start and finish decisions and choices with myself as the viewpoint.

More of me.

On the other hand, what could our lives look like if it was less about me? What could your marriage, family, finances, future, friendships or even faith look like with those three simple words in action?

Less of me.

Justus and Baby Lion

There is no way around it. If you are going to build something that is solid, it is going to take the right foundation.

When it comes to leading others there is an important foundation to remember: how I lead myself.

We lead out of who we ARE, not just what we KNOW. If I am going to lead others well, I must lead myself well.

If I am going to lead others well, I must lead myself well.

Here are a few questions to consider when it comes to the idea of self leadership:

WHERE AM I HEADED?
My life decisions, attitudes, actions and thoughts are taking me somewhere right now. Where am I headed? Is where I am leading myself a place that I want and need to lead others to? Am I leading myself in the right direction?

WHERE AM I GROWING?
If I am in a role that is leading others, I must make the decision to continue to grow. Where is growth currently taking place in my life? Where is a lack of growth being seen and felt? Am I leading myself to grow?

WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE?
Are there areas in my life and leadership that need to change? If I am unwilling to change it communicates a lot about how I am actually leading myself. Am I willing to lead myself to embrace change?

As I grew taller I noticed that my shoes often began to feel tight. Once where there was space, I was now cramming my feet into an uncomfortable and restrictive space. It wasn’t my shoes fault…or my feet for that matter. The issue was a lack of room.

I wonder if the people who serve on our leadership teams have ever felt the same.

Have you made room for the people on your leadership team to grow and develop?

If we are not intentional it can become easy to have an environment where people feel stuck and restricted. There is only so much “space” for them. We might tell ourselves, “If they don’t fit, it is probably time for them to move on.”

How are you MAKING ROOM for people on your team?

If I am going to make room for people around me it will require a few things.

EMPOWER

As a leader, I have to empower the people on my team to act. If I don’t do this the only room they have is to accomplish tasks. Sometimes we are good at empowering people to DO, but not great at empowering people to LEAD. The people on our teams need room for both. It is vital that we find ways to equip and empower people so they can help the team go beyond where it currently is. To ask people to be a part of a “leadership team” where they are never given the authority to actually lead will leave people feeling like there is a lack of room for them. We have to be willing to empower.

RELEASE

I have to give people opportunities to carry something BIGGER than they currently are. Chances are good that there are people on your team that can carry more than what they currently are carrying. What have you released? As the leader, if I am carrying everything I am restricting the capacity of those on my team. When I release, I can’t just give away things that I don’t want. If I really want to make room for others, I need to think about what will cause them the greatest opportunity for growth and development in their lives.

What are some ways that you are MAKING ROOM on your team?

It was one thing to hear that as a leader, it was another thing to do something with that idea. As a youth pastor I quickly learned that I couldn’t do it alone. I needed a team. If this thing called youth ministry was going to be successful and go beyond what I was capable of, it was going to require the involvement of others.

At times I am amazed that people were willing to come along side of us and follow where we felt like God was calling us to go. Teams are so vital. Together we can accomplish more, go further, go faster and see big dreams accomplished.

We truly are better together.

What type of leadership team do you want around you?

One element that is vital to any team that works together is ESTABLISHING CLARITY. As the leader, we have to make it clear.

The WHY
Bring clarity on WHY you have a team. Without this, it is hard to recruit and keep people motivated on a team. If they can’t see WHY their leadership and time investment is vital they might not stick around. As leaders we have to define WHY this team is important. We have to build that culture. When we have the WHY of our leadership team, it will bring greater clarity to the WHAT of our leadership team.

The WHAT
Clarify WHAT you want people on the team to do. As a leader it is our responsibility to bring this clarity. I have found that people don’t find clarity on a team on their own. Imagine a bunch of high school students showing up to play organized football without a coach. Odds are they wont make it too far in the season because there is not a coach bringing clarity to WHAT each player should be doing and how that relates to what the team is trying to accomplish.

MAKE IT CLEAR.

One lesson out of many that it has taught me is the person holding the rope for you while you climb is vital.

Most of us wouldn’t think of setting out to climb a cliff without being tied in with someone. We can see immediately the benefits of an individual being there to hold the rope, just in case.

Though we see that importance in something like climbing, I have observed a lot of people who have missed its significance in everyday life.

WHO ARE YOU TIED IN WITH?

I’ve learned that you can be as alone as you want to be in life and ministry.

You can also have as deep and meaningful relationship as you desire. The choice is yours.

Get connected in relationship. Find some people to invest in and allow them to invest in you.

WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER.

If you are a youth pastor, reach out and pursue relationship with some other youth pastors in your city or area. Don’t make the mistake of waiting for them to come to you.

Don’t do life alone. Don’t set sail for that desert island of isolation. Life and ministry were not designed to be a solo act.

Find some people to get tied in with.

Even with something as simple as flossing out teeth, it’s common for there to be a gap between knowing it is what should be done and actually doing it (think about your reply the last time your hygienist asked how your flossing was going…).

Here is the point: It’s vital for us to continue to shrink the gap between what we know and what we do.

Psalm 15 is a great reminder of this. It is full of important life principles that most of us would say, “Yeah. I should do that.” In the final verse we find the kicker…

“He who does these things shall never be moved.”

God, through His grace, is at work in your life today giving you the ability to not just KNOW but also DO. Shrinking the gap in our life isn’t about our efforts to try and make God happy with us. Shrinking the gap between what we know and what we do is a response to the fact that God has already shown His love through what Jesus did for us on The Cross. Find fresh motivation to move from knowledge to action.
SHRINK THE GAP!