Your Write to Health

FOG

2010-07-07T14:31:17-07:00

We’re back from Austria! The trip and conference were great. Some of the upcoming blogs will probably be related to these past few weeks—reflections on travel, on the recent Newbery speech, and summer in general.

One blog that came to mind while we were away relates to fog.

Fog?

Like mind-numbing fog from the time change?

There was that, but no, not really.

Fog, like not being able to understand the language.

Yes, there was some of that, but that’s not what this blog is about either.

This blog is about fog so thick that we could barely see past the hood of the car. Fog so thick you could feel it pressing up against the windows and making them bend in. Fog so thick that the weight of it slowed the car to a snail’s paced crawl.

We were driving from southwest of Salzburg up to St. Wolfgang. Next to the lake, there is a great hotel that was recommended to us by friends. Now the Inn did provide directions on their website. We did have a travel agent who offered to map out directions, but we are intrepid travelers. We like to strike off into the unknown. And we especially like to take very small roads so that we can get deep into the countryside. And so we turned off the main road onto a small road that on the map snaked as a thin yellow line up through a park and over a mountain.

As we started to climb, the fog began to roll in, but it still wasn’t thick. We reached a toll booth—there was an eight euro charge for the pleasure of this road. The road went through the largest pastureland of Austria. As we drove into the park and the fog thickened, my son joked, “Maybe you have to pay more in order to get the view.”

We crept along the road and in one spot came to a parking area. We only discovered this as posts marking the edge of the area loomed up in front of us as we crept around trying to find a way out. I had the sensation of a wild horse being penned in—searching in every direction, but unable to find an exit. In our story, though, a car suddenly, zoomed out of the fog to our left and showed us the location of the road. We got back on track. My husband inched his seat forward so that he could get as close to the windshield as possible. I don’t know if it gave him any better visibility, but it made him feel better.

Then as we came out of the mountain, the fog dissipated. Suddenly the lake stretched out below us. We zipped down the last bit of the drive and found our hotel.

How does fog relate to this blog? During our drive, I thought about how the fog’s image was similar to recovery. Sometimes you have to keep moving forward even if you can’t see the way. All you might be able to see is a few feet in front of you, but you have to keep moving forward, knowing that you are headed in the right direction. And then suddenly the fog will clear and the view is marvelous.

For recovery, you may not be able to see far into the future. Depending on where you are, it may be one meal at a time. One set of urges. Distracting yourself from one barrage of eating disorder thoughts. But it is in this moment that you have to stick with it. You might need to move slowly, like we did in our car. You may need to lean forward and strain ahead looking for signposts. And you might need to follow others who seem to have a better view of the path—just like we followed that car, which got us back on the right road.

So—

· What image helps you to view recovery? Does the fog image work or is there something else that can help you continue to move forward? A writing friend once told me that writing was like wandering through a forest. We all took different paths, but suddenly we were able to meet up at a clearing. It was then that we all became aware that even though we took different paths to get there, we all arrived in the same place. Recovery is not a sunny day when everything is easy. Recovery is fog, it is slogging through swamp land. It is being lost in a desert, but then an oasis looms up and life is better. Recovery leads to a better place, but it is, sometimes, hard to get there.

· Journal about the tools that you can use to get through recovery. Headlines, windshield wipers, a map—those were all tools that we used. What do you need to aid your recovery?

· Journal about what you’re seeing along the journey. Sometimes slowing down means that we can appreciate this moment in time. Rather than looking so far ahead, enjoy the place that you’re at. We missed the large vistas on that drive, but still have visual memories of that fog. It danced in front of the car. I have a memory of being tucked inside a small space with my family. I have the chance to write this blog. Enjoy, revel in this moment in time rather than what you wish it would be. Celebrate small steps in your recovery. Journal about a beautiful image from today—something that you enjoyed. Focusing on the here and now can help you appreciate the beauty around you. Journal a list—one or two things a day--that remind you about what you have, not what you feel that you’re missing. My list from yesterday would include that I had a chance to read for an hour while I waited for my son during his soccer camp. I took a pleasure book and spent those 60 minutes lost in another world rather than trying to feel like I had to get something done every minute of the day. I enjoyed the ecstatic wiggles of my dogs who were thrilled when I came home. I enjoyed having my daughter paint my fingernails. I enjoyed jokes that were shared together as a family—even if I don’t remember them, I remember the laughter. What can you celebrate from yesterday or today? Journal a list to discover simple pleasures.

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

LIFE’S CHAOS

2010-06-07T11:32:12-07:00

Our family is headed to Austria tomorrow where the Academy of Eating Disorders is holding its international meeting. This weekend was supposed to be one of completing loose ends, trying to organize and pack, inspiring my son to study for his finals, and participating in the Children’s Miracle Network Telethon. It is always inspiring to be part of CMN; the organization does so much to help kids and their families. It is gratifying to see our kids studying hard and learning at school. The trip itself is exciting—looming up with the promise of adventure.

But, as with most everything in life, things don’t always flow smoothly. New tasks kept popping up over the weekend that required immediate attention—meetings that had to be held, phones that had to be activated, handouts that needed to be printed. Tonight and tomorrow will be a blur. And while the trip will be will exciting and exhilarating, I’m sure that it will be chaotic and confusing, at times.

Many individuals who come to our program want to be able to control all aspects of life. The challenge? Life cannot be controlled. Even with simple plans—something goes awry. James Taylor said in one of his songs, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” Has that been happening to you? Do you find yourself working so hard to control everything about your emotions, your body, and your life that it is gets even more out of control?

What we have to do is learn not how to control life’s chaos, but learn how to ride the rapids that loom in front of us. When white-water rafting, one cannot control the waterfalls, swirls, rocks, but one can try to steer past them and brace for impact when a collision can’t be avoided. In rafting individuals learn how to steer the boat, but also how to anchor themselves inside so if the rush of water is stronger than expected, you still sail through, maybe a little shaken up, maybe with your heart pounding, but safe none the less.

So, let’s consider life’s chaos:

· Journal about what things you expect to be able to control in your life—make a list. Now look back at them. How many can you actually control? What factors might intervene in your efforts to exercise that control? Often we are able to control even less than we believe we can. We have to learn to roll with disturbances.

· Journal—list—ways that you help yourself cope with the variability and uncertainty of life. Can you use humor? Deep breathing? Scale back your expectations? Ask for help?

· What does “control” mean to you? What about the idea of “being out of control”? What does “chaos” convey to you? What about "order”? Journal about each of those words and see what your expectations are. Do they connect to or trigger memories? Is part of your past influencing your expectations of now?

· Journal some inspirations that will help you get through. "This too will pass.” “Tomorrow is another day.” “Keep on going, one step at a time.”

Accept that life is—well—sometimes--chaotic!

I’ll try to be in touch from the road—but Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

OVER-SCHEDULED

2010-05-22T12:51:09-07:00

I have been on the road almost constantly for the past two weeks. That’s why I’ve been quiet on this blog. The travels were fun—networking on a Penn State tour and three elementary school visits as an author.

But at a school visit on Thursday, I was asked about my writing schedule and when my next book would be done. I realized that I had been so busy with deadlines and commitments over the past months—what with teaching and clinical work and conferences—that I hadn’t worked on my fiction much at all.

So I made a commitment to the students and to myself to set up a schedule that would allow me to get more writing done. I promised myself that I would find a way to stick with it!

This relates to recovery in a number of ways. Some individuals in our program over-schedule themselves to such an extent that they are always running from one commitment to another. Maybe this is a way to stay ahead of difficult emotions. Maybe it’s part of trying to please others—finding it hard to turn down any request. Maybe it is part of perfectionism—the belief they should be able to everything and do it perfectly! Do some of those reflections ring true for you?

I often see women who are not able to focus on their health and on their recovery because they put everything else first. They run themselves ragged trying to get to program and then back to classes. Even when they have a break from school and could focus on recovery—they end up focusing on requests by friends or family—instead of finding a way to say, “I need to focus on my recovery now.”

Sometimes we do have to over-schedule because that’s when the opportunities occur. On the Penn State tour, I met a number of fascinating women who share similar interests. I look forward to working to collaborate with them. The school visits always inspire me and remind me about my young readers. They make me want to go home and put words to paper so that I can have another story to share.

And, yet, in order to do that—to discover the research I want to collaborate on or to work on those stories, I need to carve out time. I need to schedule time at my desk—getting work done. I can’t keep running and running to other commitments and hope that somewhere in that hectic day, vague minutes of writing will somehow get done.

So….

· Consider your days—your commitments. List the activities that you expect to get done. Where does recovery rank on your list? Have you scheduled in enough time to focus on recovery or are you trying to squeeze it in. Put it in your schedule—find time for your meals or stress-reduction exercises. Build in the supports that you need. If other activities are crowding into the space of recovery, postpone some of those activities until later. Keep a list of what you want to be involved in and promise yourself that you can do that—later when you are healthier. Later—when recovery is not the priority.

· If you find yourself over-scheduled, journal about what emotions you might be trying to crowd out. Why do you commit yourself to so many things? What will happen if you say no? Use these sentence stems and try to discover what is hiding beneath your frantic pace.

o If I slow down, I’m afraid I will feel….

o If I slow down, I’m afraid I will remember…

o If I slow down, I’m afraid I will think about….

o If I tell someone “no”, I worry that….

o If I’m not busy, it means….

· Schedule some time to reflect on your recovery and the steps that you’re making. A year-long program that I have been involved in is coming to an end. We were encouraged to celebrate, but also to reflect. What have we learned? What are we taking away with us? What do we need to continue to work on? Try doing the same—look back at your day. Take a few minutes to journal. What worked in recovery today? What would you have liked to have gone better? What would help with those bumpy spots tomorrow? In the morning, take a minute or two to journal. What are your recovery goals for the day? What supports do you need in place to accomplish them? What coping strategies will you need to practice?

· Turning down requests can require saying “no”. That can be hard. Is that part of how you get over-scheduled? One of my friends made a “no” wand so that she could remind herself when she was called about joining another committee, that it was all right to say “no”. She needed to examine her priorities. Then she could examine each request and see if it supported her priorities. Your priority should be recovery—regaining your health. Without that—any other other goals will be impossible to pursue. Make sure that you have allowed yourself time to recover, to reflect, to rejoice and to breathe.

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

CONNECTIONS

2010-05-04T09:28:51-07:00

This past weekend was filled with connections.

I was able to connect with two good friends during two separate trips. And then those trips yielded other connections. And all those connections led to this blog, which is connecting us!

On Saturday my friend, Donna, and I traveled to Washington, DC to enjoy a Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit. I love O’Keeffe’s work! On a writing retreat in New Mexico, I was able to walk through some of the same glorious countryside where O’Keeffe painted. Her talent inspires me. So when I discovered a brochure about an Abstractions exhibit at The Phillips Collection—Donna and I decided—road trip!

Then on Sunday, my friend, Jeanine, and I went to a writing/creativity workshop in Lancaster. It was run by Melissa Greene, Write From The Heart. At that retreat, we free wrote about a small wooden ladder that Melissa had brought in as a prompt. That ladder led me back to reflections about Georgia. Here they are:

“Abiqui—ladders leaning on the sides of buildings—and I wanted one to store my scarves and make them a decoration—and I would have needed a tall ladder to climb to the top of Pedernal to where Georgia O’Keeffe was laid to rest and if I could, I would go there to commune and try to discover where her raw talent and bravery came from, her independence and grit—and then I think about her painting being shut down by the critics and her desire for a child stunted by Stieglitz and even when we are strong—we are not all strong—we all have weak spots and chinks in our armor and that is what makes us human—so we need to accept others’ weaknesses and maybe we can share our strength with them and accept help when we find our own weaknesses.”

Those were some of my connections for the weekend—friends, laughter, creativity, and reflection. Realizing that we all need to accept help at times. We all have strengths that we can share with others. And we give and take that help and strength? Through connections.

So….

I often spend weekends at the house, catching up on everything that needs to get done—but we do need to take time to explore our friendships and passions. Journal about what you love and then find a way to include it in your life! Julia Cameron talks about scheduling artist dates. That means scheduling time so that you can restock your creativity. Make a list of museums to see, crafts to try, books to read, friends to meet up with, reading clubs, etc. It is important for your creative self. Isn’t it better to feed your creativity than let ED sap you of nourishment? Schedule an artist date—it can feel hard to take the time, but it is important. Once you do it, it is rewarding.
Take time to free write—that’s what we did in Melissa’s workshop. That’s what led to my reflections on strength and help and individuality. By writing that short paragraph—I got back in touch with the fact that we are not and cannot be perfect—but that’s all right. I have certain weaknesses, but can rely on others to provide strength and vice versa. I have certain creative interests and can take my friends along on those adventures and then they’ll do the same for me. Through Jeanine, I have met Susquehanna Service Dogs—an inspiring organization. Through a different art gallery trip with Donna (at the Renwick Gallery), I saw a clock that looked like it was draped with a sheet—but actually the whole thing was carved from a block of wood. What new sights and experiences can you and your friends discover?
Free write about a simple object. Find one in your house or find a piece of art that touches a chord in you. Write about it—what memories, thoughts, and emotions does it inspire? Free writing only requires 5 to 10 minutes at a time, but it can take you to new connections.
At Melissa’s workshop, she said, “No one can be creative without allowing time for feelings to surface.” That is a challenge. Eating disorders are often used to numb away the feelings. But if you numb yourself—you’re also missing out on the good feelings—laughter, joy, exhilaration. Find a piece of art and journal about what thoughts and feelings come. Maybe explore this exercise with a friend. You can share your writings, but you don’t have to. But you’ll be there for each other to share your strengths as you dip your pens into those emotional pools.
Journal about your strengths. You have them. We all do. If you have difficulty writing about yourself, think about if your best friend had to describe you. Often people don’t want to feel like they are bragging—but this is just for you. Acknowledge the strengths that you can use to fuel your recovery. Knowing your strengths but also your weaknesses can help you understand in which areas of your life, you will require more help from others.

Go, on now, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

FOUR STEPS

2010-04-20T06:57:32-07:00

April is “Poetry Month”. To celebrate that fact, poetry therapist, Nate Gadsen, came to speak at our medical center. I often use poetry in my journaling groups to help people connect with images and emotions. It was great to hear someone else’s experiences.

One vitally important aspect of Nate’s talk was when he outlined four steps that people need to recognize and practice as they work to pursue their dreams. I think these steps are so important that I want to focus on them. Consider how they might relate to your eating disorder recovery.

1^stStep: “I AM”

You need to consider who you are and what you want in life. One way you could consider this: “I am tired of living with my eating disorder.” “I am more than my eating disorder.” “I am…”

2^nd Step: “I CAN”

Now that you have identified how you want to view yourself and your life—you need to believe that you can make changes. You need to grab the energy and the “I Can” part of this. For example, you could say: “I can get rid of my eating disorder.” “I can discover the healthy aspects of myself.” “I can focus on my true self rather than my eating disorder self.”

3^rd Step: “I WANT TO”

We all have things that we can do, the question is whether we want to do them. I can learn how to garden, but I don’t want to. Anyone can have a goat (just like I do), but most people don’t want to. So how does this relate to your eating disorder? Consider what you can do and now decide that you want to do it. For example: “I want to get rid of my eating disorder.” “I want to discover healthy aspects of myself.” “I want to focus on my true self.”

4^th Step: “I WILL DO IT”

Recovery is not just wanting to do it, but it is doing it. With any great goal, it is not just desiring it, but pursuing it. I may want to be a writer, but if I don’t get my butt in the chair and write each day, then I may want to be a writer, but I won’t be. That’s the same for recovery. You need to decide to make it happen. How about: “I will get through today without using symptoms.” “I will follow my meal plan today.” “I will explore a healthy activity.” “I will develop my true self through_______.” (Fill in the blank—writing, drawing, or whatever creative outlet will help you explore the true you.)

Nate said that “Someday is land—you need to claim it!” Don’t think--someday, I’ll do this. Do it today! Today is the first day of someday, start on that first step.

So….

Take time to outline your four steps. Who are you (outside of your eating disorder)? What can you do? (Start small, but then build on the skills.) What do you want to do? (What dreams do you have?) What will you do? (Start with the basic steps, but realize you are building for a healthy tomorrow.) Claim your energy, your future and your todays!
Visualize and journal about what you want from your future. Now is the day to claim your energy and start planning for it. What do you need to do to get there? Journal a plan. Journal who can help you get there. Journal the tools that you’ll need. Now work to gather them.
Do you keep hitting a wall? Journal about that so you can understand what is holding you back. Sometimes our past can creep into our present and affect our future. If someone in your life had a bad temper, do you worry that others are going to yell or lose control? Does that hold you back? Journal about what you’re currently facing. Could your past be affecting your perception of the present?
Journal an affirmation to help you through the four steps. Know what you want and then take the steps to make it happen.

So who are you? You are a fabulous person who can start a new and healthy life. What do you want? Journal and discover. What will you do? Journal your plans and then get started!

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

Birthday Present

2010-04-10T08:10:06-07:00

This year I turned 50.

Should I be admitting that?

It seems appropriate since I am often challenging individuals in our program to accept, celebrate, and empower themselves no matter where they are in life.

I am working to accept my birthday and my new age. One thing I have discovered--describing that I am now half a century old makes me feel a whole lot older. So the first point of this blog is to consider that the way we describe things can influence how we feel about them. I do better saying (and working to believe) that I am fabulous fifty rather than harried and creaky half-century.

The other aspect related to my birthday is much more fun to talk about--my birthday present. My husband bought me--drum roll, please--a goat. Now many of you may be wondering--a goat? Believe me I have been asked many questions about this. Here's the short version of the story. Much of my youth was spent in South Dakota. We had many animals including goats. We even had to bottle feed some of the babies. I became very attached to goats.

So this year, my husband decided to get me my very own goat. It took a great deal of work. He had to find a farm with goats that would be willing to board the goat and allow me to come and visit. He found a fabulous woman, Jan, who raises goats and makes goat milk soap. Jan lives close by so I am able to visit a few times a week. My daughter and I tremendously enjoy our trips to the barn. It is actually very relaxing to be surrounded by the smell of hay with goats maa-ing for attention. Goats are curious, sweet, and my baby goat falls asleep in my lap every time I hold her.

So why talk about my goat?

The main reason is related to the quizzical looks I get when I mention my goat. This is not a present most people would want to receive but I was thrilled. Each of us can, at times, have dreams or interests that other people just don't understand. If we worry about peoples' reactions, we have the risk of missing something fun in our lives.

I have had people not understand my drive to write. If I had listened to them and not pursued writing, I would have missed out on some of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. If my husband had stuck with the more "normal" view that owning a goat is slightly wacky, I wouldn't have my beautiful Nubian.

So.....

Are there interests or dreams that you are not allowing yourself to pursue because of fears about others' reactions? Now I am not talking about your eating disorder. Consider that, perhaps, your eating disorder is helping to numb frustration and disappointment related to creative passions that you would like to pursue but which are being discouraged. Journal about your interests.

I am interested in.....

I love.....

What I would love to do in my life is......

Journal about where you would like to be in the future and what you would like to be doing.

Make the 100 list that we have discussed before. Developed by Kathleen Adams, you make a list of your interests. Repeat any item as often as you want. Then look back over the list to discover what interests show up most often. That helps you understand areas and interests that you might like to develop in your life. (Again, we are not looking to enhance your eating disorder--but to empower your true passions and goals in life.)

Consider also the way you look at things. I could look at turning fifty--positive or negative. How do you view yourself and things in your life? Can you bring a positive instead of negative spin to events?

Try journaling to discover dreams in your life. It might be related to owning a goat (but probably not). But it might be a dream that not everyone in your life will completely understand. Yet it might be a dream that is important to you.

So go, Write On! And discover your dreams.

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

RELEARNING

2010-03-29T08:55:24-07:00

One of our two dogs is a rescue dog. We got Gracie when she was about a year and a half old so that she could bond with and play with our other year and half year old dog, Bailey. Bailey didn’t like to be on his own outside—he wanted a playmate! And so Gracie entered our lives.

It was clear from the beginning that Gracie had experienced some challenges in her short life. She came to us tremendously underweight, with a huge cut on the side of her neck and with the worst case of worms that the vet had ever seen. It took a bit for her to bond with Bailey and our family. She was skittish, at times, clearly worried about what might happen to her in any new environment.

Yet she settled in and we learned to adjust to her peculiarities. She didn’t like the door on her crate to be shut. She didn’t like anyone to approach her too quickly. If you came up behind her and surprised her, she startled. It was clear that she had suffered some kind of trauma and was always wary of what might happen again.

After she had been in our family for awhile, she started to relax. She was joyful—wagging her tail all the time—and she would always lay on the couch with me. She’d warm my feet. Then one day a computer cord was hanging down by the back of the couch. She got caught in it. I reacted quickly. I reached towards her so she wouldn’t pull the computer off, but I apparently surprised her. After that, she would quickly scuttle away if I approached her and she didn’t want to sit on the couch with anyone.

Weeks went by. Our family worked hard to pet her and reassure her and gradually she started feeling comfortable again. She didn’t shy away. She started sitting on the couch with my kids—but not with me. And then finally, finally she sat on the couch with me. This was after about a month of working consistently to reassure her.

What does this mean? It seems fairly apparent that she suffered a traumatic experience before she came to live with us. Someone, somewhere did not treat her well. She was able to put that behind her and settle into our family. Yet when this scary threat happened—when she got tangled and I appeared to leap at her—this past trauma was retriggered. She started viewing us and our house with a distrustful stance as if not believing that she was really safe. It took weeks and weeks of us offering calm, comforting, and steady acceptance for her to slowly reaccept her safety.

Once traumas have occurred—it is very easy to retrigger the fearful emotions related to them. Consider why this might be. It would certainly be adaptive—a way of protection. If something threatened you before—then if there was even a hint of a threat—one needed to be able to react quickly so that more harm didn’t occur. At our home, Gracie has not been injured. Yet her reaction to that tangled cord was reflex. It retriggered all the fears from before.

So…

Consider and journal about a past challenge or traumatic experience. Are there aspects of that experience that still affect your daily interactions? For example, if someone was critical or made fun of another person when he/she tried to public speak, then the next public speaking event would be even more anxiety provoking. Not only would there be the fear of the current event, but also all the criticisms of past events.

Do you find that you avoid things because of past rebukes, insults, or harms? Journal about what happened and what your expectations are related to this. How is it hindering your life? How can you work to make yourself feel safer? For Gracie—she had to rely on us to reassure her. We couldn’t discuss with her why she didn’t have to worry about being harmed. You, though, can work to understand what fears are being retriggered in certain situations. You can analyze new experiences and see how they can turn out differently this time—how you can make them turn out differently.

Don’t downplay the effect that past emotions have on the present. Yet they don’t have to rule your life! Gracie’s fears were retriggered, but with reassurance, she has been able to move past them. Work to understand your fears. What do you need to change in your life to make sure you’re safe? What fears are you holding onto that don’t still apply to your life? What are you able to and willing to let go? Work to understand so that you can find a new life that is not ruled by old fears.

Go….Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

INSPIRATION

2010-03-17T06:48:10-07:00

Last week I had a fabulous opportunity. I spoke with a number of highly motivated, talented and creative teachers. I was asked to talk about “Well-being Through Writing.” The teachers brainstormed ways to excite kids about reading and writing. These energetic teachers are designing summer writing camps, working to address bullying issues, and developing ways to provide emotional support--to name just a few of the spheres of their talents and enthusiasm.

How does this relate to this blog and the topic of writing and recovery? One direct way is that writing can lead to well-being and health. That’s the premise behind this blog and what my talk was about.

But really this blog is because there are fabulous people out there and creative energy and talent and inspiration and invigoration and…..so much more. Sometimes you have to look for it or be open to it or be the one behind it.

I often hear within my groups, the fear of displeasing others. Many times symptoms get tied up with the fear of disappointing others or failing their expectations. When I ask people to describe something that they love about themselves, they describe that they care for others. I always challenge them, but do you care for yourself?

Those two issues are so intertwined. You cannot care for others, in a healthy way, if you are not caring for yourself. You cannot help others experience the joy of creative energy, if you are not open to it yourself. You cannot help heal the world, if you are not willing to heal yourself. Does that mean you have to be completely healed? No, but you have to recognize the importance of yourself and what you can bring to others. We have a joke in our family that if you think someone is “normal” you don’t really know them. What this means is that we all have our issues and challenges and foibles and idiosyncrasies and faults and whatever you want to call them. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t inspire others. That doesn’t mean we can’t bring energy to what we love and help others love it too.

Have I gotten off on a tangent? Maybe. But here’s the thought. I don’t know the complete history of each person I met at that conference, but I can tell you I was in the room with energetic and inspiring people. Yet they were people like you and me and everyone else around us. No one in the room had walked off the runway, stepped out of a magazine ad or been photo-shopped into plasticity. We were all real people with real passions and that energy was palpable. Don’t believe that you can’t have any faults in order to be fabulous. Know that you just need to find your passion, find a community to share your passion and work to help that passion grow.

I can tell you that if these teachers believe they have helped one kid find a new excitement in reading, they will feel inspired. That energy and inspiration will help them go on to help another kid and another. And the child who was inspired? Suddenly they will know the difference one person can make in another person’s life. They will go off to help inspire others and that energy will grow from one person to another to another.

So…

Journal about a time that you felt inspired and invigorated. Were you with a group of people? Were you following your passion? Write about it and try to re-experience some of that energy. Think about how to capture that in your life. (Make sure that it wasn’t a time that your eating disorder was calling the shots—the goal here is to find true inspiration, not the pseudo inspiration that ED promises.)
Make a list of 100 of all the things you love. Kathleen Adams developed this prompt. Write what you love and makes you excited even if you have to repeat things. Get to 100. Now look back and see what is important to you. Make sure that is finding its way into your life.
Need some inspiration? Can you volunteer and see the difference one person makes. Journal some ideas of ways that you can get involved. Use the energy that you put into your eating disorder to fill your life with more energy and wonder.
Journal ways to pamper and care for yourself. These need to be healthy ways! Bubble baths, a night of reading, petting your dog…I don’t know. For another blog, I’ll tell you about my birthday present—a baby goat. For now, I’ll tell you that it is incredibly relaxing to sit, holding her in my lap and having her fall asleep. Even that small event tells me that I can make a difference. I can be a calming force. I’m comforting her and she’s comforting me. Can you find some healthy comfort in your life? Make a list of things to try. Or send a suggestion through the comment section of this blog. If everyone offers an idea, maybe we can start our own community of inspiring others!

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

2010-03-05T13:27:56-08:00

Earlier this week, I attended a talk by Bernice A. King, the youngest daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King. Ms. King was helping celebrate the 2^nd Annual Coretta Scott King Women for Diversity Presentation.

In her talk, she emphasized the need for unconditional love with her main focus on loving others. She felt that her father had been successful because he took the fight to a higher level. He did not try to fight violence with violence, but instead demonstrated love and respect for others even in challenging circumstances. He demonstrated unconditional love even when interacting with individuals who were disrespectful and hateful to him. He tried to see them as people, understand their own hurts and weaknesses and love them unconditionally.

Ms. King challenged each of us to look inside and see if we bring certain biases to our interactions. Can we approach relationships with others with unconditional love?

One thing that struck me is the need for each of us to love ourselves unconditionally. Too many times in groups, I hear fabulous individuals putting themselves down. They use their eating disorder’s voice to critique every imagined failing. They believe they should be perfect and when they can’t measure up to that goal, they berate themselves. Do you ever find yourself doing that?

We often ask—“Would you tell your best friend the things that you say to yourself?”

The answer? No.

They would never treat someone else with the level of disrespect and hatefulness they show themselves.

So I ask—where is your own unconditional love? Look at the biases that you bring to yourself and your self talk. Do you accept your failings, your weaknesses, accept that you will stumble and fall? If that mistake happened to a friend--wouldn't you offer them compassion and hope? Wouldn’t you help your friend get back on her feet and encourage her? Can you do the same for yourself?

So…

Journal about what unconditional love means to you. We often tell families that the best thing they can do is offer their loved ones unconditional love and support. We’ve had fathers who write that concept down in their date books. Unfortunately, unconditional love can’t be scheduled and planned—it needs to be there all the time. (To read an article that I previously wrote about this, look for “The Hunger for Unconditional Love” at the following link.)

http://www.bulimia.com/client/client_pages/newsletteredt21.cfm

Journal about any biases that you bring to your interactions with others. Are you limiting yourself in asking for support? Do you feel that people don’t want to listen or help?
Journal about the biases that you carry about yourself. Do you hold beliefs that limit your recovery? If you are critical of yourself or tell yourself that you can’t do something—that negative energy can affect your recovery. You have to tell yourself that you can do it. Even if you don’t believe it right now—remind yourself of that fact. You can do it! Soon the belief will start to take hold.
Journal about love within your life. Is it unconditional? Do you feel like there are limitations and expectations put on you in order to obtain love? Try to understand your beliefs and then discuss them with your loved ones. Maybe have them read the article above. We all need to support each other and show unconditional love. I celebrate my children’s achievements, but if they don’t achieve something that doesn’t mean I love them any less. Work to understand whether you harbor that thought—if I don’t achieve, I won’t be loved. Challenge that belief. You are worth love just because of who you are. We all are. Every one of us is a fabulous and unique individual who deserves unconditional love as we deal with our day to day struggles.
Journal an inspirational quote to keep you going—I am fabulous! I love myself! …Whatever works! Now remind yourself of this. Trust it. Live it. Believe it.

Go, Love yourself and Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

SNOWSTORM

2010-02-22T15:39:33-08:00

The other week in Pennsylvania, we had a couple of huge snowstorms. The first happened over the weekend so our family hunkered down, watched some movies, sent our dogs out to play in the snow and just hung out together. Then a big storm hit on Wednesday.

The kids’ school was cancelled, but my husband and I headed to the Clinic. Other staff members were rescheduling appointments, we wanted to help cover any questions. Once the snow started, it came down at about an inch an hour. And yet, for unclear reasons, the two Dr. Levines, my husband and myself, stayed and worked. It was hours later before we headed home.

I drive an SUV so we didn’t anticipate any problems. I have made it, in previous snowstorms, up our road and driveway as snowmobiles flew past me. So it was with some “hubris” as my husband said that we delayed heading home and didn’t believe we would have any trouble.

The first indication that we were wrong about “no trouble” was soon after starting for home. First clue? There weren’t any other cars on the road. Everyone else had stayed home. Second clue? Snow blowing so wildly that we were in occasional whiteout conditions. But it was when we tried to turn onto a road near our house, found it unplowed and couldn’t get over a built up pile of snow, that the truth started to dawn. We were in trouble! We wound our way around other back roads, down shifting to avoid skidding. We climbed the steep hill near our house, driving in the middle of the road, following wheel tracks of other intrepid souls. When we turned into our street, following the wheel tracks of a pick-up truck and then found that truck stuck, we were concerned, but still deluded enough to believe—he got stuck, but we won’t. We pulled around the truck and came to a complete standstill.

Luckily our neighbor got his tractor and plowed a path for us. We got to our driveway and then our kids came out and helped shovel us home.

Why bring this up?

It feels like it relates to recovery in a number of ways.

First, is “hubris” hindering your progress? Do you find that you approach recovery with the viewpoint that we approached the snow and getting home? “Oh, that won’t be a problem. Everyone else might get stuck, but we won’t.” If a trigger, which seems to stop many people in their tracks, is looming in your future, don’t approach it with the same hubris that we had. Make plans, get support, acknowledge the challenge and ensure that you have support and tools to deal with the trigger. The only reason we got home was through the good will of our neighbor and his snowplow. We should have planned more, listened to the weather more, and not believed ourselves invulnerable.

Second, gather supports and accept help from others. We were lucky that our neighbors were there to help. And we graciously and happily accepted their help. Be willing to rely on others.

Third, know when to accept a certain challenge and when it will be too much. Clearly in recovery, you have to challenge yourself. Yet it is important to not take on challenging situations sooner than you feel ready for them.

So…

Journal about any situations where you downplayed the impact they would have. What was hard about the situation? What happened? What kinds of supports did you have in place? What other things could you have done to make the situation easier?
Journal about how it feels to gather support from others. Some people find it very hard to accept help from others. They have a hard time accepting help or compliments. Some people feel that they should be able to do everything themselves. Do any of these thoughts hinder your progress? Journal about them and see if they might be limiting you from getting help. Do you really need to turn help down?
Journal about triggering situations so that you can identify them. Maybe rank them. Understanding how challenging a situation will be can help you identify the supports that you’ll need. It can also help you reflect on whether you’re taking on too big a challenge at this point in time.

Gather your thoughts, your supports and Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD