"Who was the last person who actually listened to you?  
 
Who was the last person you actually gave your full attention to?  
 
I know what you’re thinking. YOU listen all the time. But do you really?  
 
Do we understand what it really means to listen? Do we comprehend what is the Heart of listening?  
 
Do we realize that every person we will meet has something to teach us? Perhaps our job is to listen long enough to find out what that lesson is.  
 
Isn’t it true that when people speak to us, we tend to jump right in and give our advice, our feedback and our judgment? And all too often we find ourselves fixing, lecturing or interrupting with way too many questions. We listen not as an act of curiosity, but rather for a chance to give clever responses.  
 
We are all guilty of this because we are all human.  
 
In order to reap the benefits of listening, we must let ourselves develop and expand our ability to concentrate and pay attention.  
 
Listening with Heart is a skill - A skill that can be taught and can be learned, but most definitely must be developed.  
 
The Heart of listening consists of:

• Listening with heart is to summarize your understanding of what was just said.
• Listening with heart is reframing what you have just heard.
• Listening with heart is not a passive skill, but an active art.
• Listening from the heart is letting others know you understand what they said.
• Listening from the heart assures others that you are really listening with your whole body; eyes, ears and all.

When listening, remember that it’s not about YOU, but about THEM.  
 
If we are going to expand our KNOWLEDGE, we need to listen.  
 
If we are going to be SUPPORTIVE, we need to listen.  
 
If we are going to be RESPECTFUL, we need to listen.  
 
If we are going to be COMPASSIONATE, we need to listen.  
 
If we are going to illustrate EMPATHY, we need to listen.  
 
Listening is the sincerest form of flattery and shows the deepest form of connection.  
 
In order to live a life of leadership and meaningful connection, we have to consciously choose to slow down, give up our own agenda, and develop the capacity to focus on others by making an effort to fully understand them. 
 

Socrates states, “Nature has given us two ears, two eyes and but one tongue to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak.”

We need to cultivate Heart about the ways WE listen. 
 
We need to simply give our undivided attention to another without imposing our own personal agenda.  
 
Sometimes, this might take a little practice.  
 
It is a generous act of giving when we allow someone the space to be exactly who they are and exactly who they are not. This takes the ability to authentically listen with Heart.  
 
In organizations, poor listening is responsible for the loss of billions of dollars due to unnecessary mistakes, lost opportunities, ineffectiveness and deficiencies.  
 
In relationships, poor listening is responsible for disconnectedness from our families, loved ones, friends and customers. It is the cause of breakdowns and break ups.  
 
If we could hear our words, our comments, and our feedback through the ears of our listeners, we might be horrified with our insensitivity and negativity.  
 
The Heart of listening requires focus and a desire to learn and gain perspective. It takes effort to realize our inner barriers we have built towards others, which we must learn to put aside.  
 
By listening with an open Heart, it is love in action. By listening with mindfulness, it is the way for making every interaction become memorable."

Stay tuned for some videos of it in use.  In the meantime, here is the new value for clients at the same price:

1. Addition of Layers - with layers customers can overlay multiple data sources to enrich the analysis
2. Enrich your data on the fly with publically available shape data to overlay weather, flood, population, huricane, or other rich data
3. Simutools from Google, help add more to the analysis
4. Integration into MicroStrategy Mobile - we have been able to bring GeoDash into the mobile experience

Come by booth #3 at MicroStrategy world to see it in action or check us out on the web www.pxlabs.ca.

In the last blog I talked about the challenge of the consulting firm we formed many years ago.  We were all practicing consultants and measured our individual revenue and sales contribution.  The difficulty was measuring the success as a team.  We certainly evaluated each partner on their own performance and did that well I believe.  However I am not sure we worked well on the common goal.  The difficulty was we did not have that clear measure of the team score.   Particularly in consulting organizations and many professional firms, the firm is a collection of individuals who are highly skilled and working on their own practice.  The senior people often have juniors working with them but rarely do the partners work together on anything but overall management issues.   

We had a code word for our problem and we called it "overall management."  Based on the above analysis. we were not far from the mark.  From the book, we had a problem with "team 1." 

I am now wondering what we could have done differently.  I wonder if the partners were evaluated more on the overall performance of the firm and less on the individual performance, would we have performed more like a team?   Each one of the partners was more focused on their team and not on the success of the "team one."    I think the partners were committed to the success of the firm in their own way but did not know how to solve the "team one" issue.

How many times in a team effort we focus on the shortcoming of one member rather than treating it as a team problem? 

Applying the idea from the book are really a challenge, I will continue to ponder these issues and write more later.  I welcome any comments or thoughts. 

Project X Ltd is pleased to announce the formation of Project X Labs Ltd a wholly owned subsidiary software development lab. See the release .  Also feel free to drop by www.pxlabs.ca

I have been thinking about the book and how the lessons could be applied to my previous experiences.  Several years ago we formed a consulting firm and we did very well for several years and I think the partnership became dysfunctional.  After reading the book, I think one of the problems was that we did not share a common goal.  We were a highly talented group of individuals who wanted to further our own goals.  

In the book, at each of the team building sessions the new CEO introduces the session with the challenge for the executive team, a highly talented group of people who were under performing their competition.  I think that also was one of our problems.   The CEO kept reminding the team that their challenge was to take leadership in their market.  

So what went wrong with our consulting firm?  Initially after we formed the firm, our goal was to be able to continue our consulting practice serving our client well.  As we became more successful and the partnership matured, each partner was pursuing his own practice without much thought to the overall success of the firm.  I think each person's assumption was that if I can be successful, the firm will be successful.  We were a bunch of people building our own practices.  Anybody who took his eye of his practice and focussed on the firm would lose his power to contribute to the revenue.    

We had some common values and did quality consulting work and served our clients well.  The code word for our problem was "overall management."  I now see that likely we did not share a common goal and wanted to develop our own parts of the business.  

So what might we have done differently?  At the time we did try some team building exercises but they were of the type that took us out of our environment and did some good exercises.  The difficulty we had was translating the lessons into our work environment.  

I think some stronger leadership on the working on our common goal and making some hard decisions about people who did not share the common goal.   I wonder if we had read the book and worked through some of the dysfunctions of the team would things have turned out differently.

I encourage all organizations to take the ideas from the book seriously and treat the challenge of building a team a a work in process.   

I welcome peoples comments and reactions to the book.    

The setting for the fable is a new CEO has been hired to head up a electronic firm in Silicon valley and does not have a technology background but lots of leadership experience.  The book is a compelling and easy read.  The concepts are simple and implementing them is difficult and complex. 

In another book we discussed at Senge was Made in Canada Leadership the book described how leaders end up as leaders.  One is a accidental leader, those that end up in leadership by accident, and the others is a leader that set out to become leaders.  I discovered that I am an accidental leader and only take leadership when I find myself faced with a challenge.  I do not seek out leadership but take it when necessary.   I also think that when I have taken on leadership things have gone well.  I do not however seek out these opportunities.  

In the Five Dysfunctions book, the CEO talks about the experience of teams in a sports context and how dysfunctional a team can be if one member is only focusing on his achievement as opposed to the success of the team.  I observe in myself that I really enjoy golf which is not really a team sport but more individual.  I expect that means I do not seek out sports that involve teams but I do find when I play as part of a team I do enjoy myself. 

The question I ask myself is "Am I a team player?"  When I am part of a team, I certainly make every effort to contribute and do not look for my own glory.  I will have to observe myself, and look at how I participate as part of the team. 

Another thing that makes a team player is that she focuses on the overall results of the team and not her performance.  For many of us, we have so much of our ego involved that we focus only on our own performance. 

The key ingredient in creating a team is trust, which is such a small word for such a big thing.  Building trust is a important thing and one that develops over time and most constantly worked on.   A loss of trust can really create havoc on a team.  As we develop trust in others, we can be more open and honest with each other, admitting mistakes and asking forgiveness.

I will write more about teams and some of my dysfunctions in later blogs.

Most of us want to reach out to those we love at this time.  I think because we have such short days we reach out to the ones we love.  However the days getting longer are a sign of hope.

I think we all should set goals and dream dreams.  The more we can vilualize them and make them real the closer they get.  

I am always amazed how many times I have set goals and they have come true.  Sometimes they come in unexpected ways.  

For example, being in the consulting business, I thought I was going to consult into the sunset even after CGI bought Gellman Hayward.  I did not think the shares would do anything.  Then Bell Canada took a 25% interest in CGI and the stock took off.  I was then able to retire comfortably.  

I have lots of others but some are very personal.  I am thankful for them all.

What are your dreams?

I think he really cared about people.  He had this theory about people in his organization.  He said there A's and B's and C's.  The A's were the stars, the B's were good guys and the C's had to shape up.  The C's were the botton 10%.  He felt that the bottom 10% should not stay with the organization.  I have wondered about that but on reflection clearly they did not fit with their job and should make a change.  He found it very difficult but when he asked someone to leave it was not a surprized to them and he said he treated them well.  It sounds a bit cold and callous and I think we will find it difficult but the people need to know that they must perform or they will be left behind.

In my consulting business, I fired several people and it was never easy but they were not surprized.  On reflection, I should have done more.   Several people just did not fit with consulting and eventually thwy left.  We should have given them severernce and gave them a chance to find a better fit.  By tolerating them in the organiztion I think demotivated others.   I used to criticize organizations that had an up or out philosophy.  I wonder if it was as bad as I thought.  

Jack really got me thinking.

I am not sure.  I met a famous psychologist many years ago who was well known for using many four letter words in his theraphy.  After I met him I realized he was extremely well spoken and was certainly not lost for words.  I concluded his use of four letter words was intentional.  I asked him why.  He told me that it is the way we talk to ourselves so he used it to show he understood the person and to break down defences, or de fences.  So I wonder why we talk to ourselves that way.

I grew up in a small town in Newfoundland and the language on the street was pretty raw.  However at home we spoke in a more refined way with no four letter words.  I clearly learned two languages and could switch back and forth easliy.  I suspect that the street language was more free and authentic so the self talk came out on the street.   

I am not sure of this theory but I certainly know when I hit a bad golf shot my self talk is very raw.  By the way, I am now responding calmly and with understanding but being encouraging at the same time.  I am acknowledging my efforts to improve.    

I was asked what makes a good self help book.  My first answer is when the advice is sensible and practical.  Something I can use myself to deal with some issue I am concerned about.  Many of the books are too complex and impractical.  One book I really loved was "The Power of Now" by Tolle.  However I could not apply his great ideas.  I love his ideas but I did not know where to start.  Then I read "The Presence Process" by Brown and I found a practical process I could follow.

My first self help book I recall reading was "Children The Challenge" by Driekurs.  It was a very practical book about dealing with children's behavior in a family.  I found incredibly profound but practical at the same time.  The book had a very sane underpining of psychology.  I recall that "iron clad logic of social living is cooperation."   

I have read books on positive thinking, golf, spirituality, yoga, Tai Chi, and lots of other things.  I have listened to tapes and CD's in my car when I commuted to work about two hours a day.  

I have kept an open mind on most subjects and I am looking for new ideas.  Those that are practical and sensible I will use and the others I dismiss.  

I suspect some people think self help books are a waste of time but for me they represent an important part of my learning. 

When I decide to change something, I must be patient and gentle with myself.

My Golf Game

I am currently struggling with my golf game and if I am going to improve, something must change.  To be clear about my problem in the summer my handicap was 18 and now it is 23.  That means the average of my best ten scores of the last twenty has gone up five strokes.  That is alot.   Over the last ten years I have worked hard to change my golf game to get from 23 to 18.  Now I am back to where I was.  

I have several bad habits in my swing that I have worked hard to change.  However for some reason these habits or beliefs keep creeping back into my game.

Get Help

My solution is to find someone who can help me change those habits.  I use a golf pro to help me change.  He is very careful not to make radical changes but I improve.  

Similarly I have needed several times to lose weight and I have used Weight Watchers to help me change my eating habits.  Again these changes often creep back.  

Based on my study of psychology, I know that changing my fundemental beliefs about how the world is very difficult and impossible to do on your own.  I need a coach or counsellor to help me change.

Another key in making changes is my readiness to change.  How much am I willing to let go of my strongly held and hidden beliefs.   

My experience tells me with lots of effort I can make some changes but I need help.  So if you want to change things in your life, find a coach or therapist who can help you change.  I also suggest you be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for progress.

Stages of Change

If you have set out to make a change and have made a plan.  The first time the circumstance arrises, you only realize afterwards you did not change.  You can berate yourself or give yourself credit and say awareness is the first stage in change.   The next time the circumstance arrises, you realize the situation while you doing it but do not change,  You again can berate yourself or say that is the second stage of change and encourage yourself.  The next time you anticipate the situation but still do not change.  That is the third stage.  The next stage of change is that you do the new behavior most of the time but sometimes go back to the old ways.  You can again berate yourself or give yourself credit because you have made a significant change.  I think in most cases this as much of change as you can expect. 

Accept Myself

I think the key thing for me is to encourage myself and not let all that internal chatter discourage me.  I must love and accept myself deeply and completely.  After all, I am all I got.

When I exhibit anti-social behavior, I do it because I am feeling discouraged.  I have low self esteem.  However I am completely in control of my own self esteem.  How can you say that, Jim, what about all these terrible things that happen to me?  It is all a matter of choice.

Encouraging Myself

When I am playing golf and I make a bad shot, I have a choice on how react.  I can berate myself and get down on how stupid I am.  Or I can look at it a lesson to be learned about my game.  By looking at it a lesson from life, I find it more encouraging.  I can look at the positive of how lucky I am to be able to be out here.  There are lots of great things about being out on the golf course.

Recently I played with Jack and he made a bad shot and he was berating himself loudly.  I said to him don't give my friend such a hard time.  He laughed and it broke the tension.  

Watch That Inner Voice

  Try to teach your critic to be more encouraging.  Remember life is too serious to take seriously.

We do not learn things by reading them or by being told.  We learn from life's expereinces.  We develop a model about how the world is and remember things that reinforce that belief.  We form most of our world view by the end of elementary school.

Enough preaching let me use myself as an example.   I have always felt that I am not big enough for many tasks.  In order to prove that to myself I have a early recollection.  I remember one time when I was about three or four, walking down the road with my dad and trying make my steps as big as his.   This memory reinforces my belief about how the world is.

My first girlfriend broke off with me after we had been an item for nine months.  I was completely blind sided.  It took me years before I had relationship that lasted more than nine months.

So what's my point.  If you are wondering about why you behave a certain way, your early recollections might give you some clues.  These are memories about a specific incident that you can say "I remember one time ........."   The big clue is how you felt about it.  

Sometimes you have a hard time seeing it yourself, but if you have a trusted friend, he/she might help.

So when you do something that baffles you, consider how you view the world.  If you want to change, try to modify the belief with "sometimes."   I do not believe I am not big emough all the time, only sometimes.  Get the idea.

Harvey had an interesting view on moving forward on an innovative idea.  "Be Passionate."  He said that he observed that the people who made a new idea a reality had to really believe.  Often people come up with great innovative ideas but do nothing with it except talk about it.  I know a fellow who comes up lots of amazing ideas.  He is really fun to talk to.  However, once he has talked about the idea for a few days he got bored with it and moved on.  However some people grab an idea and really take it on as a personal mission.  The successful people have the characteristic that they are passionate about an idea.  For sure the guy with all the ideas he is really fun, but the ideas will never go anywhere.  As I write this I wonder if we had lost our passion for Gellman, Hayward when we decided to merge with CGI.  Just not sure, but could be.  What is your passion?

In observing the founders of Project X, I think they are both passionate about making their company a success.  They are quite different characters but both very passionate.  One evidence is how they go the extra mile for their clients.  

I recall I was asked to review an IT strategy at Kidd Creek Mines.  It was amazing, Doren Cohen was leading the miners in Timmins to use Macintosh on the desktop and underground connected to IBM System 38.  The use and acceptance was way ahead of the rest of the mining community because of its ease of use.  Doren then moved to TransCanada Pipelines and introduced a decentralized strategy with MacIntosh on the desktop connected to distributed VAX computers.  This was a conversion from a large IBM mainframe.

The next thing I recall is that Microsoft introduced Windows and IBM and others were offering PC's and lots of software was being developed.  There was extreme pressure from my current clients for me to give up my Mac for a PC.  I succumbed to the pressure to get access to lots of new software.  The macintosh was losing its position.

The next big landmark was in the mid 80's when we were asked by a large law firm to migrate them for a network of MacIntoshes to a network of PC connected to a server.  They liked their MacIntosh but wanted access to more software, a sign of the times.

Now in 2011, I am back to the MacIntosh Pro and learning all over again a new approach.  I am enjoying learning some new ways of thinking.  I am learning how to organize my 10,000+ photos using Iphoto.  I already have made some breaktroughs there.  Photos are organized by time, by events and by people's faces.  It is really exciting.  I am looking forward to learning new ways of doing other things.

I hope that Apple without Job can still deliver excitement and new approaches to life, the universe and everything.   

I do not mean to be smart about this but they really mean that what is proposed is not a priority for me.  Unfortunately most people do not think of the answer that way and do not think it through.  They likely mean their "To Do" list or calendar is full.  We often do not distinguish between things that are important and things that are urgent.  

We all have very busy lives and we fill our days.  Do we have control of our time or do we allow the world to control us?  The key question is are we doing the most important things or are we just continually putting out fires?

These are difficult issues and ones that we all struggle with.  So next time you think or say "I don't have time", pause and consider what you really mean.  Do we really mean that the item is not as important as how we are filling our time?

The other side of the coin is being able to say "no" when things really are not important.   

My own understanding of entropy is things with different energy levels to seek to equilibrium.  However what do I know?

I think the lesson is that if things do not make sense to you, they probably do not make sense.  Dig further and try to understand.  For example if different members of a project do things that do not make sense, look deeper.  Things are not as they appear.  Maybe the entropy for the project is a different state they we understand it to be.  Sorry to be so obsure but that's entropy.