A Balanced Life

Why Women Settle

2010-01-25T01:00:00-05:00

Why Women Settle, and Give Up On Their Dreams And What Can Be Done to Reverse It

By Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH

When women come to see me for life and career coaching or homeopathy, I often find myself saying, “ You really do deserve to be happy.” With this statement I often receive a perplexed expression as their reply. Such a simple and somewhat obvious statement, but surprisingly for many women, it rings distant from their reality.

Their confused stare translates to, “Really? But how can this be? How could that actually happen? True happiness seems so far from my life that I honestly have no idea how to get there.”

I don’t mean that all women are walking around miserable. Far from that. However, deserving to be happy can have many connotations. It can mean the opportunity to have all they desire in life, to reach their dreams or to be completely fulfilled and content right where they are.

Many women tell me they remember having dreams and longings at some point in their lives, but over time, have lost touch with these aspirations. At this junction, these desires seem more like fantasies. Many women have expressed to me that they feel so trapped within their circumstances that happiness has meant settling, or making the best of what they really do not want.

Why is this so? And how did this happen? Is it a message we have unconsciously inherited from our mothers that says, “This is the best you’ll get or the best you can do, so deal with it”? Is it ideology from Cinderella and Superwoman gone astray? Or has it been the many disappointments in love, a dead-end quest for a dream career or never making it past surviving on a month-to-month income while juggling the responsibilities of home, work and family? Or maybe one has a great job, but it leaves no time for anything but the job? And the push for all of this has left many women feeling overwhelmed, lost and just plain tired.

Somewhere in the search, without their awareness, complacency has snuck in and taken hold. One day, they find themselves whispering under their breath that it is easier to accept what is in front of them, rather than continue the seemingly arduous journey toward the dream. Many have found a way to manage within the boundaries of this acceptance and even find a sense of safety and security in its clutches.

This is the definition of settling, and many of us have taken this road at one time or another. We settle in unhealthy relationships with partners that we know are not our true match. We settle in the work that we are either over qualified for, or we allow fear to hold us back from having the gratifying dream career we always wanted.

That would all be fine, I suppose. Except these same women tell me that there is this deep inkling inside, nothing they can really get a handle on, but a feeling that there has got to be more than this. It is also this inkling that has kept them feeling frustrated along with intermittent moments of yearning for fulfillment after periods of giving up on it altogether.

The main culprits in what I call the Settling Syndrome, is “fear” in one form or another. You may relate to some of these scenarios:

Fear that this is the best that there is, so I better hang onto what I have.
Fear that I may fail, so why should I try.
Fear that I cannot do it perfectly, so therefore I am not capable.
Fear of what others may think of me for leaving my safe and secure circumstance for a silly risk or pipe dream.

The unwillingness to face any of these fears is often what keeps women in situations that do not move them to their potential. This leaves them feeling bored, resentful, and stuck rather than experiencing a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment and full heartedness.

The reality is that the fear will lessen tremendously after one begins to make the necessary changes to remove themselves from their current unfulfilling circumstance. The steps it takes to initiate the new direction are the hardest. They may require that you dig deep for some courage. However, once you initiate the steps toward your new path, the fear will begin to diminish and you will wonder what you were so afraid of after all. It is by taking action that this fear will begin to subside. Your trepidation will not diminish by choosing to stay stuck, while trying to think your way out of it. The combination of courageous thought and forward action are the most powerful duo that can open the doors to all kinds of wonderful new possibilities.

You don’t have to jump off a bridge and make major changes in your life all at once. That would be too daunting to most. I suggest taking baby steps, which I call Mini-Feats™, and instead, build a bridge to your new life. Just three small action steps each day and, before you know it, you will have accomplished miles of positive movement.

The other culprit in the Settling Syndrome is the absence of direction toward a new path.

It is hard to know what better path to take next when you do not know what your options are. Or you may know the options, but have no idea how to get there. You may even feel that you have knocked on every door possible and have not found a good fit, or one that would even open. Then, of course, that familiar frustration and self-doubt start to creep in and, once again, you quit.

Unless you have had positive guidance from a family member, a coach, mentor, teacher or friend that can show you possibilities outside of your own personal experience, how would you know that there are wonderful possibilities within reach? If you have only been influenced by people that have had unhealthy or mediocre relationships, or are unsatisfied with their careers, what would be the inspiration for you to move beyond settling? How would you even know what direction to take or how to even get started? This has nothing to do with intelligence or capability. It is what all of us needed as children; and at times in adulthood. Someone to help show us the way.

To have a direction means that you know where you are headed. If you have not had someone to help guide you in some way, it may be hard to see that there are many possibilities for uplifting your life situation. You may have always thought, “Happy, prosperous and stimulating lives are for other people, not me.” I am here to tell you, this is not the truth.

If this scenario has been your state of affairs, I suggest you reach out to a mentor, or support system that is not emotionally involved in your situation. One that has experience and can be an impartial coach to open some windows to new options, and then help steer you in the right direction in any aspect of your life. By realizing there are options, you will begin to feel hopeful. And hope will give you a sense of freedom. And ahhhhhhhh…….freedom feels so good.

And remember, don’t ever settle or give up on yourself in any area of your life, because you do deserve to be happy.

Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH has been an entrepreneur for the past 25 years and has a vibrant array of nine successful businesses to her credit. She is an author, life and business coach, homeopathic physician and international speaker. Allison is the president of The Blast Off Life and Business Coaching where she specializes in helping people tap into their passion and purpose and launching them into a new business and the best chapter of their lives. www.myblastoff.com. Allison’s new book, Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan To Launch Your Dreams Into Reality, is being released on January 19^th on Amazon. Don’t miss your chance to receive thousands $$ in bonus gifts on launch day. www.myblastoff.com/booklaunch. 888-844-3550

Maintaining Balance

2010-01-13T06:25:00-05:00

It is hard to believe that we are in the middle of January in the year 2010. The new year brought in new expectations, dreams and intentions. We are now reaching the point in the new year when some start to revert back to old habits. However, now more than every it is time to stay focused and keep our New Year intentions in the front of our mind. Having a sense of balance in our lives can assist us in achieving our new intentions. There are several things we can keep in mind to assist us in feeling balanced every day. Try to remember to:

Be realistic with your time. Don't over schedule yourself. Allot a few more minutes to complete a task then you think it requires. Avoid calendar congestion by writing your schedule on a calendar or keep it in your Smartphone. Consult it before scheduling commitments.

Prepare the night before. To help you get back in the saddle, it's a good idea to get ready the night before. This doesn't just mean picking our your clothes and packing the kids lunches. It can also include looking at your calendar and to-do list for the next day. Consider all your obligations; not just what you have going on in the office. Taking a glance at you commitments can help put you in the right mindset for the morning.

Carefully evaluate all of your commitments. It's great to be the one who volunteers for an extra project at work or sign up to make 3 dozen cupcakes for your child's class party. However, before you raise your hand it is important to make sure that it's the right time and the right commitment. You don't have to be everything to everybody.

All the planning the world can't prevent the unexpected from happening. It is critical for you to be flexible. Being able to adapt to the unexpected is crucial when planning for the days, weeks and months ahead.

Keeping these things in mind will allow you to design a life that is balanced. Remember, maintaining a sense of work life balance is a daily LIFESTYLE not just a New Year's Resolution. You can keep your momentum going!

New Years Intentions

2010-01-01T19:39:54-05:00

Wow, a New Year and a New Decade!!! What an exciting time. Yesterday, I spent time going back through my calendar. I used this time to help me reflect and think about 2009. There were aspects of 2009 that brought joy, sorrow, frustration, happiness, etc.

After reflecting on the past year I became excited with the possibilities of 2010. I am ready to let go of 2009 and start to think about my plan for 2010. A little light bulb went off in my head when I read a post by Ariane de Bonvoisin. Instead of making resolutions, this year I am going to live INTENTIONALLY.

Intentions are goals and objectives. I am determined to live each day, week, month, quarter and the entire year intentionally. My actions, attitude, conversations, and the people I surround myself with will propel me toward achieving my 2010 objectives. Each new day is a new opportunity for me to move toward my goals. It doesn't matter if these action steps are big or small. What matters is that I am making progress.

Being in tune with myself will help shape my intentions. This means I will be able to recognize if my intentions need to be shifted. Constant evaluation is critical to living intentionally. Intentions are quite different from traditional resolutions. Typically with resolutions, we make a list of those things we want to accomplish or change. The problem with this is our lives are ever changing and are fluid. Because of this, it is good to recognize when we need to change directions. In fact, recognizing a need for change and invoking change is courageous. It's living intentionally!

Take the next couple of days and the upcoming weeks to truly define what your intentions are for 2010. You don't have to accept what life brings you. Within you lies the power to live INTENTIONALLY!

New Feature at A Balanced Life

2009-11-29T22:03:10-05:00

A Balanced Life, LILAC is proud to announce it's new Suggested Product Page. This page is dedicated to provide you with possible resources to assist you in maintaining a sense of balance. Check out new the Suggested Products Page for some potential tools that can help you design and live a life that is balanced.

Our first product listed is the Daysteps Lifestyle Planner. Check out our Suggested Product Page for details on this comprehensive calendar system.

Our intent is to provide women with multiple resources to help you juggle your many responsibilities. We hope you enjoy and visit often.

What Makes Your Heart Smile?

2009-11-28T06:00:00-05:00

The amazing thing about life is that we have choices. We can choose to do nothing and except what life dumps in our laps. We can choose behaviors that have negative consequences. We can choose to invoke changes that will have a positive impact on our lives. Within us lies the power and ability to design a life that is full of integrity.

There is something that we should remember to consider when we are deciding on what changes to implement. If we are trying to align our lives with our personal definition of integrity we should consider things that make our heart smile. Our hearts should smile about all aspects of our lives. Our hearts should smile about:

Our family
The career we have chosen
The friends and the company we keep
Our finances
How we spend our leisure time
And the list goes on and on

There are so many people who have careers, relationships and materialistic things that detract from their lives. However, our lives should be filled with things that add joy and make our heart smile. I encourage each of you to really examine any areas that don't make our hearts smile. Be honest with yourself and formulate a plan for change. Your deserve a to have a life of integrity and one that makes your heart smile.