CheapThrills

Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger should be a spokeswoman for damaged Black hair

2010-11-06T14:35:10-05:00

I enjoy the Millionaire Matchmaker as much as the next couch potato, but there’s something about Patti Stanger’s “tough love” critiquing that irks the hell outta me. It’s her outright rejection of short and /or curly hair, and the blanket statement that men with money are not attracted to these attributes. I’m not the only one who’s just a little bit annoyed by this – the lovely ladies at Naturally Curly have created a Facebook Group dedicated to stopping the “curl bashing”.

But from my vantage point, I take issue with her views for two reasons:

1) It’s just not true. I have extremely curly hair, which I wore long for quite some time, and I now wear super duper short (basically, I asked my stylist for a little boy’s haircut, haha). And here’s what I know, from personal experience: 10 times out of 10 men very much prefer my hair curly to straight. And – to my surprise, actually – I've gotten more attention wearing my hair short than long. Imagine that.

2) The statement is actually kinda racist. I mean, think about it. If you’re a Black woman, your hair is curly by nature. Sorry world, that’s just how it is. So Patti seems to be advocating relaxers (you know, those chemicals that can burn through a plastic cup if left for a couple days…those chemicals that make hair break and fall out - super great stuff) and curling irons (straight from the horse’s mouth, on her Facebook page: “I like stylish curly/wavy hair, but my millionaire men don't. So, go buy a flat iron...). Either that, or she’s saying men are fundamentally NOT attracted to us. Boo for Black women, tough luck, we won’t find love because our hair isn’t desirable to men as a species. Because all men think alike, after all – or at least men with money do.

Maybe Patti doesn’t understand the damage that straightening a Black woman’s hair can reek - both to her hair and, in my opinion, to her sense of self. Or, more likely, maybe she does and she just doesn’t give a crap. Either way, she’s wrong. So wrong.

Girl Date

2010-06-02T09:47:00-05:00

My first night in Chicago, I rolled 2 suitcases into an empty apartment that was somehow “mine” and promptly freaked out. I couldn’t stay there alone, on a sofa I’d just bought off a stranger (the only piece of furniture in the apartment at the time). So I ran to a friend’s house – a girl from Boston who came to Chicago for a 2-month project – and crashed on her couch for the rest of the week. At that point, she was my only friend in the city.

When she left, though, I was on my own to meet people. And can I just say, traditional ways of “making friends” (especially girlfriends) is WAY harder than you’d expect. It sucks. Bad. It sucks so bad that I’m going to write a whole separate post about it sometime.

That’s why last week I asked out my waitress. I was at a bar feeling pretty outgoing after a few too many Bombay-and-Tonics. She was serving my table trying to get us extra food and drink deals. She mentioned she just moved from Brooklyn and had a thing for dead birds… and I was sold. A girl at my table and I asked her out on a “friendship date” – just 3 East Coast gals on the town! - and the coolest part about it was that she didn’t find the proposition weird at all. She seemed flattered, in fact. We exchanged numbers, a few fun-loving texts, and next thing I knew I had plans for the following Tuesday.

What an awesome time we had.

If you’re a young woman living in a new city, I highly recommend this mode of meeting new people. Making girlfriends is so hard because – it seems to me – women are far less likely to put themselves out there for other women. We chitchat and exchange numbers and go out on dates with guys, but we don’t put that same energy towards making girlfriends… which is infinitely more important than wasting time worrying about guys who turn out to be pathological liars or self-obsessed sommeliers or – God forbid – BOTH (that actually happened, thankfully not to me). Forget that. Right now, I'd much rather enjoy an al fresco brunch and people watch with a gal pal.

The big haircut!

2010-05-10T22:17:32-05:00

My grandmother used to always say to me, “All that hair. Don’t EVER cut it.” I always assumed she knew some secret – like maybe once you cut little-Black-girl-hair it doesn’t ever grow back (a thought that absolutely terrified me). But then I grew up and grew out my relaxer and realized that my hair grows pretty darn fast. So I began asking myself this: why is it such a travesty for a Black woman with long hair to cut it short?

I’ve worn my hair long my whole life, most recently like this:

Not surprisingly, this ‘do attracted much attention from strangers – like the middle-aged woman with the crazy eyes who attempted to stroke my hair while waiting in line for the bathroom – but also from Black/interracial women like me that I've known for years. In fact, I’ve had more wonderful conversations with Black girlfriends about the pros of natural hair than I can count. So I guess I was a bit taken off-guard by the cringes and outbursts from these friends when I announced I was cutting my hair short. Almost as if my haircut was a personal affront to Black women everywhere.

I always thought that wearing my hair natural provided me with freedom from hot irons and burning chemicals. But actually, it bound me in a different way by appointing me with a social responsibility that I neither anticipated nor asked for: the local face of big, bold natural hair. Funny how that works. But I think women – especially Black women – should afford each other with the luxury of choice.

So now my hair’s short! Like, super duper short. And someday it’ll be long again. But here’s what’s true: how I wear it will always be my choice. And cutting it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life thus far… as is being able to wash and dry it in 5 minutes flat.

Some shots from the cut, with stylist extraordinaire Jessy Lockward from G2O Salon in Boston.

Before! All big hair, smiles, and excitement.

Ahh! The first snip!

Halfway through. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm kinda freaking out here. Maybe because at this point in the haircut I look pretty ridiculous.

The last little bit!

I decided to donate all my hair to Locks Of Love. I hope it makes someone happy.

Jessy putting on the finishing touches.

Startin' to dig it.

Happy Friday

2010-04-16T08:58:32-05:00

Spinal.

Fake (read: awesome) teabagger signs in Boston

2010-04-15T14:25:44-05:00

Here are some choice selections, along with a special message from Brick Tamland.

If you have any good shots from yesterday's little tea party in the Boston Common, please send them my way!

The best storyteller in New York City

2010-04-09T09:52:51-05:00

Well, for one night at least.

After graduating from college, my friend Liz taught at a public elementary school in the Bronx for 4 years through Teach For America. You'd think a Jewish girl from Oldtown Philly would be intimidated by such a prospect. Not Liz. In fact, I'd classify her as the teacher every kid wants - funny, smart, and not afraid to get down and dirty in the classroom. For example, if the kids got too rowdy she'd instill a 20 minute mandatory "dance party" so they could let off a little steam (of course, during this time she'd work on her Soulja Boy as well). She also made frequent house visits, and ended up befriending many of the kid's parents (well, mostly single moms actually).

But what really made Liz such a jewel in the classroom? She treated her kids like equals. Like friends - even loved ones. And the stories that come out of such relationships...

Well, they win The Moth GrandSlam storytelling competition. Other Moth storytellers include Janeane Garofalo and Margaret Cho, so I'd say Liz's in pretty good company.

Hot new interracial couple alert!

2010-04-08T10:13:41-05:00

Admittedly, I'm not a huge Archie fan. But whatever, this plot twist was too good to pass up. Looks like Archie and Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats are having a little "secret" romance. You know, they smooch in dark corners, fine-dine in their parents' basement - that sort of thing. But now the word's out! They've started kissing... in public! That's progress, baby.

No love for the single ladies

2010-03-31T15:38:23-05:00

Wow. I guess I’ve noticed that ads don’t really speak to me as a single woman… but I always assumed the problem was me. After all, I probably should be married with kids by now, buying Bounty by the bulk and cleaning up my kid’s spilled juice. Guess I’m on the fringe.

Apparently not. Just read this neat article on the Marketplace site, which states that 44% of all women over 18 are single. But advertising for things other than fashion-related products, feminine hygiene products, and, um kitty litter rarely target us. I wonder why?

Truth is, 9 times out of 10 advertisers are tasked with presenting an “ideal” – and when it comes to women, this ideal is either a sexy woman that all men crave or a happy mom carting around 1,000 kids. The general consensus, so it seems, is that being a single woman is a sad, sad predicament (course, being a single guy RULES – you get to hang with the bros and hit on chicks in your beer closet and all). The horror of being a single woman can be remedied by, well, A) turning yourself into a sexy woman that all men crave, or B) showing off your great housewife potential. That’s where advertising comes in. See how that works? (Skip to about 4:30 in this clip to watch Don wax poetic on the subject to Peggy).

This is all to say, being a single woman is not “ideal” in this country, mirrored by the ad world. Which is too bad, really, because there’s such opportunity here. Imagine all the awesome ads single-lady copywriters like me could come up with. Hopefully we’ll get our shot at it soon enough.

A Big Mac won’t kill a hangover

2010-03-17T12:05:00-05:00

And neither will greasy fries! Boo! That’s always been my cure (or, rather, my excuse to savor McDonalds shamelessly).

The morning after boozy nights, a girlfriend of mine would prepare me her trusted hangover remedy: three drops of Milk Thistle in a cup of water. Apparently Milk Thistle increases liver function or some such. But it also tastes like urine, which proved counteractive to the whole nausea thing.

The best way to avoid a hangover? 1. Eat before you drink. 2. Drink Gin. That is all.

Happy St. Patty’s Day from Chi-town!

Microphone hijacker at last night's Oscars - behind the scenes

2010-03-08T09:58:45-06:00

Yo...

Remember this weird moment at last night's Academy Awards?

I wasn't sure if this lady was legit angry or just really wanted to get in her acceptance speech before the music started. Turns out there was a tight situation around this whole scene. Here's the whole story, but the quote that really sums up the sentiment (from the linked Salon.com interview with mic hijacker Elinor Burkett):

"And then, as I'm sure you saw, when we won, he raced up there to accept the award. And his mother took her cane and blocked me."

Cane? There's a cane involved in this story? Ummm, okay wow.