A big Red Tent welcome to Mena Basran Russell, who arrived on 11/18/06. She's home with Mom Manjeet, dad William and big sister Mira in time for the holidays! What a wonderful gift, eh?!

Congratulations and WELL DONE, Manjeet!

(The inspiration for this post was a conversation I had with a client about the difference between power and force and the cost of trying to force oneself to do things against the wisdom of one's own heart.

My beautiful and insightful client was the inspiration for both of the women in the story -- the ambitious, unstoppable, willful self and the older, wiser, patient self -- but I think both aspects can be found in every one of us as we grow into our woman-ful-ness. - KM)

One morning, a wise woman was walking along the beach when she came across a curious sight: a young woman waist-deep, slapping in the water with a flat piece of wood. She was going at it with great gusto, as if her very life was at stake.

The old woman called out, "What are you doing?"

"Making waves," the young woman answered.

"Why?" asked the old woman.

"Because I can!" yelled the young woman breathlessly, stumbling as a large wave almost knocked her backwards off her feet.

The young woman, upon finding that the flat, slapping stick fit her hand perfectly, had decided it was an omen: She was meant to help the ocean make waves. She intended to be the best wave-maker ever; her waves would find the farthest shores of the ocean.

The old woman smiled to herself and continued on her walk, leaving the young woman to the lesson that life was teaching her.

It was a two-part lesson that the wise woman knew well, having spent much of her life learning it: first, that there is no profit in trying to improve upon a thing's essential nature, and secondly, that there is nothing to be gained from trying to force one's own nature to be something other than what it is.

The young woman was trying to force the ocean to do what already does naturally and with ease -- it makes waves. Waves are created because that is what the ocean does; it is in it's nature to be wave-ful.

The ocean is what it is, and can't help but create to it's fullest capacity. Unlike the ocean, we humans have been given Free Will, which is a priceless gift -- but it can get us into trouble when we use it to deny the Truth of who we are.

The young woman, although capable, was not wave-ful. The energy that she spent striving to master the art of wave-making was energy stolen from her own potential. As a wave-maker, she could never match the ocean, nor could she ever create to her own fullest capacity, because being wave-ful was not her nature.

But slapping the water kept her occupied so she didn't have to think about uncomfortable things. For example, "What is my nature? What are my gifts; what am I meant to create?"

If she stopped her busy-ness, she might notice that it's a beautiful day at the beach; there is life to be lived. If she stopped for a moment, she might decide to go swimming with the fish and marvel at the abundance and diversity of life; or to run along the beach and feel the power of her own heart pumping blood to every cell of her body; or maybe she would simply sit in the warmth of the sun and feel closer to God.

If she stopped trying to be wave-ful, she might discover her woman-ful-ness.

And the ocean would go about it's business, making perfect waves that would continue to lap at the farthest shores, no matter what.

Where in your life are you busy making waves? How would your life be different if you simply stopped doing things "because you can", and started to pay closer attention to your own true nature?

"When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging." -- Unknown

I took a chance and shared this little nugget of wisdom with my teenager the other day. I have to admit, I was kind of grasping at straws when I pulled that old quote out of the memory banks. He had managed to dig himself into a hole with some very unpleasant consequences, and then started flinging dirty looks and sulky grunts at everyone within range (mostly me), which of course was only getting him deeper into trouble.

So I took a risk and pointed out...

...that it's kind of silly to keep digging when you're already in up to your neck. I gently(!) offered that he might have better luck getting out of the place he didn't want to be if 1) he stopped digging for a moment and 2) got busy cleaning things up.

I thought it was a pretty nifty metaphor, actually. I was interested to see how he'd respond.

Of course, you can't rely on 'normal' body language clues when conversing with a teenager. Other people tend to look at you with a polite expression when you're talking to them. When he's looking right at me with a half-way interested expression on his face, I've learned that he's probably just listening to breakfast moving through his digestive track.

On the other hand, when he appears to be completely mesmerized by the way a rubber band feels when you snap yourself with it really, really hard over and over, or how many times the cat will let you fold her left ear all the way closed before she jumps off your lap -- while the noise known as MOM drones on and on -- well, there's a chance he MAY be listening to me. Or he may just be listening to breakfast moving through his digestive track again.

So I was shocked the morning after my "stop digging" talk when he casually mentioned that he'd been thinking about what I'd said. He'd even thought up some things he could do to start cleaning up the mess.

It was one of those rare moments as a parent when you inwardly yell, "YES! Contact with an intelligent life form!", spike the ball as hard as you can and do your happy dance under the goal posts.

Outwardly, of course, I merely nodded and carefully adopted a mildly intrigued expression. I call it my "Spock" face. One Vulcan eyebrow arched, lips slightly pursed as if about to say, "Fascinating, Jim." You have to be careful not to scare them with inappropriate parental excitement, you know.

And OK, yes -- I made him an especially nice breakfast that morning.

Years ago, one of my teachers asked us to write an essay about our dreams for the future. I can't recall the details of what I wrote in my essay, but I do remember what I called it: "Someday Isle...". As in, "Someday, I'll have my own place; someday, I'll meet the man of my dreams; someday, I'll travel around the world, first class."

At the time, it seemed like "someday" was always just beyond...

...the horizon; arrival anticipated, but never quite "here". When you're young, that kind of anticipation is both exciting and frustrating. Exciting because there's so much possibility between you and what's just beyond the horizon; anything can happen! And frustrating because the journey to Someday Isle often seems as slow as an old-fashioned steam powered oceanliner, inching along at a steady 3 knots.

Well, I ditched the oceanliner a long time ago; it was way too big and slow. I splash along under my own steam these days, and I've actually crawled up onto the beach and planted a flag for some of my dreams. The problem is, I don't always end up on the Someday Isle I was aiming for. In fact, there are times when it feels like I'm adrift in an archepelago of Someday Isles. I keep getting distracted by Today's To Do's.

Someday, I'll lose weight. Someday, I'll write my book. Someday, I'll figure out the VCR.

Someday, I'll have time to do all those things I've been meaning to do. Probably not today, though, because today I'm busy doing all those things I HAVE to do today.

A few weeks ago, I was busy doing all those things that had to be done that day, when the phone rang. It was a woman named Rory, who said I didn't know her, but did I have just a few minutes to talk, because after visiting my web site, she felt an affinity towards me and my work.

Turns out that she was right -- there is an affinity, and we've had several very enjoyable conversations since then. The reason I'm mentioning her in this article is because she's co-authored a book that might just be the quintessential tour guide for the Someday Isles: "Take 10! How to Achieve Your 'Someday' Dreams in 10 Minutes a Day." It's coming out this week, and I told Rory I'd help her get the word out.

If you've got what Rory calls a "Big List" of things you've been meaning to do, but just haven't gotten around to doing, this nifty little workbook will help you chunk it down to 10-minute bites. The book itself is one of Rory's Big Ideas that SHE has been wanting to do -- she and her business partner, Cornelia, are walking the talk here!

For more information and to order a copy for yourself, visit www.take10now.com. (NOW -- not "Someday!")

The other day, someone asked me how it was going with the Red Tent. Overall, I'd say this has been a most enjoyable, exciting and interesting experience. Being in this conversation with women about how we can a difference has been empowering and I think it's helped me be more awake, aware and at choice about my own life and livelihood.

One thing I can say for sure

is that the Red Tent is developing according to it's own plan. Any ideas I may have about how things are going to happen are clearly just for my own amusement! It hasn't unfolded in the way that I imagined, but I'm okay with that. Manjeet and Eileen are both busy with other priorities, so I've just been doing what I feel drawn to do with Red Tent, whenever I feel drawn to do it. Seems to be working!

Of course, things have kind of slowed down around the blog over the summer; fewer comments and questions, fewer new subscribers. There are probably a couple of reasons for that -- just the fact that it's summer and people are busy with vacations, company and being away from the computer, to name a few. Hopefully, things will pick up now that we're headed into autumn.

But rather than just wait and hope for that, I thought I'd try something new. I'd love to see the Red Tent community buzzing with creativity and energy. If you could come to this blog and SEE that, I know that each of us might be more inspired and bold, not just about the BIG things we're up to, but about the day-to-day things, too.

And I'll tell you a secret: I love to wake up in the morning and see new stuff posted on this blog as if by magic! It's so cool to see a post from Manjeet or Eileen pop up; so I thought, why not open it up to anyone who wants to write? I know there are at least a dozen of you out there -- journalers, writers and closet bloggers!

So here's my invitation to YOU: if writing is something you enjoy (or find cathartic), consider yourself invited to be a guest author on the Red Tent blog. Send me an email and I'll get you set up. It doesn't cost you anything, I can set up as many guest bloggers as I want with my TypePad account.

The topic is broad (women making a difference) and deep (while they're exploring their spiritual purpose); you can post your thoughts, questions, stories, ideas, dreams, nightmares, whatever (I'll share some guidelines with those who are interested.) You can post once a week, once a month or once in a lifetime.

If this invitation interests you AND scares you at the same time -- well, from personal experience, I would say maybe that's a sign that you're ready to step outside your comfort zone. Every time I've taken such a step, it's always paid off.

Go for it!

Check this out, ladies -- here are a couple of folks who are up to something REALLY COOL:

The Summer Inquiry Project

Mona Grayson (Red Tent Woman of the Month for July) told me about a young couple, Rachel and John, who are on a road trip for the whole month of August to visit states that voted Republican in the last election. Why? Here's an excerpt from Rachel's homepage:

"The idea is to learn about and explore political viewpoints of all varieties and to understand them more deeply. The goal of the project is not about getting anyone to change their mind -- rather it is about us, as participants, questioning our thoughts, learning, and understanding politics more deeply. And it's also about opening up dialogues and, perhaps, building connection across political lines. This idea is inspired by my experience with The Work of Byron Katie, and my love of open-minded conversation."

The plan is pretty simple: Rachel and John are going to hang out in public areas with a sign saying "Want to talk about politics?" (see photo above) and see what happens.

Mona hosted them on the first night of their trip and sat with them at the beach with their signs the next day. Visit Mona's blog to read about what happened.

I am so fascinated by this project -- particularly because it combines what could be a volitile subject (politics) with a commitment to personal growth (The Work of Byron Katie) and a sincere desire to bring people together for honest, respectful dialogue.

Reading about the project made me stop and think about my own biases and beliefs. And wonder about what I'd do if I saw someone sitting on a bench with a sign that said, "Want to talk about politics?"

To be honest, yesterday I'd probably have kept walking, but now I think I'd stop and ask some questions. The idea of people being so open and willing to engage without needing to force their views on someone else gives me hope; it makes me wonder what might happen if it wasn't just two people, but ten or a hundred or thousands of us who were reaching out and asking, "What do you think? Can you help me understand a different point of view?"

Makes you wonder what might be possible in the Middle East, doesn't it?

If you happen to see Rachel and John, I hope you'll stop and talk to them. Tell them the women of Red Tent say YA YA!

UPDATE (8/14/06)

Rachel is currently in West Virginia, after making her way through Kansas, Ohio and Texas, where John stopped off. BE SURE to check in with her at her blog (click here). I would SO love to figure out a way to get her featured on NPR's "This American Life" -- does anyone know anyone who knows someone at NPR???

UPDATE #2 (8/14/06)

As soon as I asked that last question, I thought, "Well, why wait for someone who knows someone?" So I poked around on the "This American Life" website until I found an area about how to pitch a story idea, and I fired up the old e-mail and PITCHED IT. What the heck, eh?! We'll see what happens. In the mean time, if you DO know someone who knows someone, it wouldn't hurt to pass it along.