It Happened Last Night

'Smallville': Hell is a place on Earth

2009-11-21T03:03:23Z

"Smallville" goes back to the future, and it ain't pretty. It's red, it's miserable... basically the worst parts of the Bible. Don't bother kneeling for Zod, because you're probably already dead.

Lois has mysteriously disappeared from her hospital bed, and Clark is frantically searching for her. Don't worry, because Tess has her. See, she's been itching to find out what Lois was doing away all that time earlier in the season. Turns out, Miss Lane (via the Legion ring) was deposited one year into the future. And it sucks: Metropolis is a vast wasteland, save the Solar Tower running at full power. She gets thrown into the Kent Farm-turned-concentration camp where she meets up with a distraught Clark. After he trades his watch for food, he tells her that she's quite the time traveler. Also, his aggressive stance towards Zod is the reason why the Earth is doomed.

Speaking of Zod, he meets the newest apoplectic camper and takes back the Legion ring. It doesn't get any better when Tess is revealed to be the one who set the wheels in motion and has basically screwed over humanity. Even better: she is Zod's newest foot soldier.

Back in the here and now, Chloe joins the search for Lois and is able to determine she's got a wicked case of PTSD to the point that it may kill her. She tries to warn Stuart about this... except he's still doing Tess' bidding. Oy. Meanwhile, Lois finally meets Zod, who politely informs her that because she won't reveal her sources, she and Clark are destined to die. Clark is ready to sacrifice himself so that Lois may live. Just as he's about to go out Henry VIII style, Green Arrow and his band of merry men swoop in to save the day. Chloe tags along and takes her shot at Tess, killing her with quite the arrow. This allows for Tess to rejoin the real world, demanding Stuart wipe Lois' memories of that horrible place. When he doesn't do it, Tess shoots him dead. I guess her organization will not tolerate failure.

All the old plans sucked, so the new tactic is to upload a virus into the Solar Tower, thereby causing it to stop communicating with the satellites and return the sun to its normal yellow color, thus allowing Clark to whip Zod once and for all. Before we get to that, Lois and Clark rekindle that lost lovin' feelin'. Later, Oliver hands her a Kryptonite knife for use when the sun returns. Then comes the inevitable: Chloe dies after staying behind to launch the virus. Oliver's fate isn't that much better as he takes on the entire Kandorian army just to give Lois a chance to escape. She finally gets close to Clark, who is himself about to meet his end at the hands of Zod. If only they would have done it Zod's way...

Lois tosses Clark the knife, not knowing what it would do to him. Lucky for our heroes, the virus finally takes hold of the Solar Tower, rendering it useless and returning the sun to its primary color. Clark steals the ring back and creates enough of a diversion to defeat Zod and keep the assassin from taking Lois out. Thanks to the combined efforts of Chloe and Emil, Lois and Clark will live to kiss another day.

In the end, Clark determines his aggressive path to dealing with Zod was the worst possible choice, so he decides to whoosh over and meet the army himself. To his surprise, Zod not only doesn't immediately attack, he orders the flunkies to kneel before the Blur.

You heard me right: Kneel Before Kal-El.

Two months until Smallville returns... what do you think of Season 9 so far?(opinion)

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Related See
TV Crossovers: Midwestern hybrids
Brian Austin Green become Metallo
Our answers on Zod

'Vampire Diaries': Elena and Stefan get steamy, while Logan wreaks havoc

2009-11-20T09:12:11Z

On "Vampire Diaries," Elena and Stefan get it on in the bedroom, Logan goes on a killing spree and Mystic Falls' very own vampire slayer makes his identity known.

As the episode begins, we pick up right where we left off in the last episode .. and believe me, a lot happened during the Thursday hour.

DAMON & STEFAN: Sheriff Forbes visits the Salvatore house to talk to Damon about more attacks that are happening in town. Damon is confused because he thought he took care of the problem when he staked Lexi. The Sheriff trusts him to figure out how to deal with a vampire.

Stefan listens in on their conversation using his superhuman hearing. This is the first time he finds out about Damon and the Sheriff working together. Stefan's first thought once the Sheriff tells Damon about the female jogger being torn to shreds is that Damon killed her, but we know that it was Logan (see below) back from the dead and imposing harm on everyone. Damon confirms to Stefan that there is another vampire in town; Stefan says they can't leave now that they know there's another vampire around.

LOGAN: Jenna rejects Logan after he asks to be invited in. After Jenna slams the door in his face, Logan sees an elderly man taking out the trash and then a woman jogging down the street. She recognizes him from TV (he was an anchorman), and not surprisingly, we find out Logan is a vampire, killing the woman with his newfound fangs.

Damon tracks the unknown vampire/Logan to a bungalow. As he searches for the vampire, Logan shoots him numerous times to temporarily weaken him. How weird must it have been for Damon to see Logan, the vampire he supposedly killed all those episodes ago?

Logan assumes Damon turned him, since he was the one who "killed" him, but Damon explains that Logan needed vampire blood in his system, which meant another vampire found him and did the deed. Remember the couple in the earlier episodes that we assumed Damon killed? The culprit could have been Logan ..

In an interesting turn, Logan -- for lack of a better term -- asks Damon for advice on why he's so hungry, why his feelings are excessive. Damon tells him that Logan's (and vampire's) senses are stronger, meaning everything is magnified and the only way to deal with them is to learn to control them. Logan asks Damon how he can walk in the sun, and Damon hits him right back asking again who turned him. They arrive at an impasse, and Logan -- inching closer to surpassing Damon on the "most evil vampire scale" -- shoots him a few more times. If you have a gun and nothing to lose, why not?

Logan makes an unwanted appearance at the high school career fair. He bumps into Stefan, asking him how he can walk around during the day. Stefan lies, saying, "You can't." Thing is, if Logan figures out that there is a ring that allows him to walk among the living, then hell is going to break loose -- literally. Later, Logan threatens Sheriff Forbes at the high school, after it's revealed she was the one who buried him after his death. Feeling betrayed, he makes sure that the Sheriff gets the shaft.

Caroline gets a ride after the fair with Logan, since she couldn't reach Bonnie. Cue scary moment #1: As Caroline puts on her seatbelt, Logan smashes her head against the passenger window. Scary moment #2: While Logan talks to Sheriff Forbes on the phone (using Caroline's), Stefan and Damon (who work well together when they're fighting a common enemy) stop Logan from turning Caroline by shooting him multiple times. Payback's certainly a bitch, my friend.

Damon asks Logan again who turned him, and Logan makes the revelation that it was someone from under the church, in a tomb. Damon gets curious because he wants the spell broken -- after his unsuccessful stint at freeing Katherine in the last episode -- and plans to meet Logan later (after he tells the Sheriff "he wasn't strong enough" to stop him).

Alaric makes a surprise appearance at Logan's bungalow later. Last episode, we were led to believe he was a vampire -- the ring, not entering Jenna's house -- but his confrontation with Logan reveals that he really isn't who we thought he was. As Logan lunges toward Alaric, Alaric stakes him. Though it was done in secret, Mystic Falls has found its vampire slayer in history teacher Alaric Saltzman.

Sheriff Forbes calls Damon later on that night to thank him for staking Logan, unaware that Damon wasn't the one she should've been thanking. Damon, confused as hell as he waits for Logan to show at the church, doesn't say much after he hangs up the phone. What's he going to do now that Logan is dead -- for real this time?

JEREMY: He reads his family's old journals and gets inspiration, beginning to draw again. Clearly there was a side to him we never knew or saw. He tells Jenna about the demons and the slaughters going on in the 1800s after reading several journal entries; what he doesn't know is that his ancestor was probably talking about vampire attacks -- the same ones that are taking place in Mystic Falls right now.

Jeremy finds out Tyler draws at the career fair after seeing a sketch. Tyler pulls off a jerk move and gets into a fight with Jeremy at the high school. Mayor Lockwood (aka Tyler's dad) wants them to fight it out, but Alaric sees puts a stop to it. He calls the Mayor a "full-grown alpha-male douchebag." Let's pause here and let the record show how cool this guy is.

Tyler and Jeremy "connect" outside the high school, but Tyler -- being an asshole -- punches Jeremy in the nose. I'm with Jeremy, what is Tyler's deal?

MATT & CAROLINE: Matt and Caroline hang out more, reliving late movie nights in the school hallway, to the bewilderment of their friends. Tyler asks Matt about him and Caroline later that afternoon while playing basketball. Tyler tells him that they are becoming "we" people, as in an unofficial couple. During the career fair that night, Elena and Matt talk; Caroline sees them and leaves, probably thinking, "What the hell was I doing?!" Cutest moment of the episode belongs to Matt, who tells Tyler later in the night that he likes Caroline and doesn't care what he thinks.

Matt and Caroline might not have been an obvious couple in the beginning, but their slow progression is nice. And because everything else is undeniably dark and heavy, it is good to have some lightness.

ELENA & STEFAN: Their relationship is at a standstill at the beginning of the episode. Elena wants him to stay but even if he leaves, she's in a dilemma. Stefan tells Elena about the new vampire who is in town, not necessarily to say goodbye just yet. Later that night, Stefan makes an appearance at the career fair to look out for Elena, and if that doesn't earn brownie points in a girl's book, nothing will. Elena realizes at this point that Stefan will never be able to stay in one place for long, since he doesn't age like a human.

Elena gives him a ride home after the fair ends. When they get to the Salvatore house, she stops him from leaving her life, and says the three words that lead to an intimate evening in Stefan's bedroom. Elena tells him not to hide from her, and in a weird way, that line is quite romantic. A human and vampire having sex? Not exactly original, but I'm happy Elena and Stefan are finally making a decision about their relationship -- however short it turns out to be. (And who's happy that "Vampire Diaries" didn't pull a "House" or "Bones"?)

After their moment passes, Elena sees a photo of Katherine and freaks out after seeing the striking resemblance. Stefan returns from grabbing a drink and sees Katherine's photo, realizing that Elena saw it too. Confused and cared, Elena races home and sees a black figure in the middle of the road, but before she can step on her brakes, she hits the figure, rolling her car over in the process. Seconds later, she looks back at the figure and sees him walking toward her .. and well, that's all we get until January.

Side note: A friendly reminder that the CW will be re-airing all 10 episodes of "Vampire Diaries" from Monday, Dec. 14 to Friday, Dec. 18. Two episodes, in the order they aired, will be shown each night.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT
Logan (to Damon): Why am I so overly emotional? All I can think of is my ex-girlfriend. I want to be with her and bite her, and stuff.

What are your thoughts on the cliffhanger? Who is the figure Elena hit with her car? What do you think Damon will do now that Logan is truly dead? What do you think is going on with the Lockwood family, and are Tyler and Jeremy really one in the same? Are you happy with the progression of the "Vampire Diaries" relationships (aka Elena and Stefan, Caroline and Matt)? What do you think will happen once the show returns in January?

'Grey's Anatomy': Holidaze: where family and denial meet

2009-11-20T08:50:46Z

All kinds of daddy issues and family dysfunction dominated tonight's "Grey's Anatomy" -- but it was a (mostly) happy ending anyway. Even with Sloan's long-lost 18-year-old daughter showing up.

Meredith and the Chief: Meredith knows that the Chief knows that she knows he was drinking at Joe's last week. But what's interesing is how he handles it: around Thanksgiving, he offers to become her mentor in the practical skills lab, to make sure she becomes as gifted a surgeon as her mother. His alcoholism was misdiagnosed years ago, he tells her -- what he really had was situational depression. Astonishingly, she believes him. Meanwhile, he's still not talking to Derek, which Derek quite rightly finds strange.

By Christmas, Meredith and the Chief are practicing skills on cadavers, and she's urging him to make up with Derek. He eventually does, but mostly because of the case Derek's working on with Mark and Arizona, and because it's Christmas. At Christmas dinner, the Chief's drinking egg nog -- which doesn't go unnoticed by Lexie and Meredith's dad, who raises it with Meredith. He was misdiagnosed, she says. No, he wasn't, Thatcher says -- he's an alcoholic. She calmly puts Thatcher in his place, but he's definitely made her think.

By New Year's, the Chief's explaining his shaking hands by telling Meredith that he recently had his last drink, and it'll stop soon. Then Joe pages her to the bar, where the Chief is pretty darn sloppy drunk, and we get to see Meredith uncomfortably assuming yet another burden of family.

Bailey: Callie overhears Bailey on the phone, lying to her parents about her holiday plans because she hasn't yet told them about her divorce. It works all right for Thanksgiving, but Christmas finds her worried father on her doorstep, hoping to find out what's up with her. He's appalled that she has no Christmas tree and that Tuck's away visiting relatives with his father. He's even more appalled that she's fixing some guy's hernia on Christmas rather than being with her family -- and he tells her as much in a kind of stunning speech about how he used to be a proud father and now he's ashamed of her for the choices she's made. Poor Bailey can't catch a break here.

Bailey hilariously and very awkwardly invites herself to Christmas dinner at Derek and Meredith's, because if her father doesn't see evidence of some kind of life he'll never leave. And there at dinner, in front of everyone, she decides to confront him. Her child is happy and healthy, she says, and getting out of a marriage she'd outgrown that was numbing and full of ultimatims was setting a better example for Tuck than staying in it. It's a great scene, laced with pain for both Bailey and her father. That prevents you from cheering that she stood up for herself, yet you still respect the hell out of her for it. It's another in a long line of really great performances from Chandra Wilson this season -- methinks it's Emmy time.

Bailey's dad gets to see Tuck for himself, and realizes his daughter was right -- the kid's doing just fine. He and her mother are just worried about her, he says. They make up.

Cristina and Teddy and Owen: Cristina is thrilled to be working with a bona fide cardio god, who decides during surgery on a patient with a heart transplant gone bad to remove the bum ticker altogether and outfit her with two devices that keep her circulation going. The patient, Kelsey (Danielle Panabaker), is being attended to by her not-quite boyfriend (they had four dates before she got sick), who we think is going to bolt but turns out to be nothing short of an amazing guy. Kelsey needs to hang on until New Year's Eve, Cristina says, when the drunk driving accidents will surely make more organs available. Teddy shows she's a total softie about Christmas when she lets Kelsey go outside to see the snow.

An extremely weak Kelsey, who had to go through bowel surgery under local anesthetic, finally manages to get a heart -- but not before an excited Cristina arranges for her transplant and has to be forced by Teddy to understand that the operation was made possible by someone's death. Teddy and Owen, meanwhile, have been alternately awkward and a little moony-eyed, and Cristina notices the way Owen's been looking at her. Owen confronts Teddy, doing that sensitive, tortured thing he's so great at, admitting he had feelings for him and all but forcing her to admit she's in love with him. Then he offers up a huge gut punch by telling Teddy he's in love with Cristina.

Kelsey's recovering, and after watching her boyfriend propose, Cristina confronts Owen, telling him he shouldn't be with her because he feels like he owes her. He plants one ferocious kiss on her and assures her he loves her. Wowza.

Groundbreaking surgery: Arizona and Derek are treating Nicholas, a little boy with terrible nosebleeds caused by AVM, a cluster of malformed blood vessels in his brain. They convince his nervous parents that he needs surgery, but when he gets in there Derek finds he can't reach the vessels, effectively dooming the boy because they don't have instruments small and nimble enough to allow them to go in through his sinuses. But, Nicholas' mother points out, the tools need to be developed by someone, so why not them?

Arizona and Derek work with Mark to develop the tool, but they go over budget and their funding gets cut off. They offer to put their bonuses toward finishing the research, but -- surprise! -- no bonuses this year. So they end up splitting the costs between them, and on New Year's Eve they perform a successful surgery with the new tool.

Daddy McSteamy: Sloan has no idea his life's about to be turned upside down by the arrival of a young blonde woman who turns out to be his 18-year-old daughter -- whose first name is Sloan (Leven Rambin). He has absolutely no idea to how to cope with it or how to talk to her, even when she stays with him and Lexie through the holidays. Everyone thinks the daughter is a totally out-of-the-blue surprise, but Mark confesses to Derek that he knew his girlfriend 18 years ago was pregnant. He gave her some money, skipped town, and assumed that was the end of it. Now the guilt is killing him.

Finally Lexie forces him out of his sad cowardice and he learns that the girl is pregnant, dropped out of school, was kicked out of her mother's house and has nowhere else to go. Ain't family great?

Quotes and extras:

Cristina to Meredith: "Private lessons with the Chief. Man, those daddy issues are working for you."
Meredith: "I don't have daddy issues. He's teaching me."
Karev: "You're his bitch."
Meredith to Cristina: "Well, in that case you're Teddy's bitch."
Karev: "Maybe that's my problem -- I'm nobody's bitch."
Cristina: "You're Izzie's bitch."
Karev: "You're the bitch."

Derek to the Chief about paying for the surgical tool: "I'll write a check. How much?"
Arizona: "I'll split it with you."
Mark: (Silent) "I have a teenager -- what if she wants to go to college?"
Arizona: "Have you met her?"
Mark: (Pause) "Fine, I'm in."

Meredith, to Thatcher: "Were you drinking when I was a kid? When you left me with my mother and got another family and never looked back?"
Thatcher: "No. I didn't start drinking until much later."
Meredith: "Well then, we can't blame the world's evils on alcohol, can we?"

What did you think? How bad do you feel for Teddy? Do you get the feeling that Meredith's calm, happy exterior isn't likely to last much longer? If Sloan thinks he's too young to have an 18-year-old daughter, how do you think he'll handle the prospect of grandfatherhood?

'The Office': Michael Scott, the last honest man

2009-11-20T07:54:11Z

Well now. Thursday's "Office" presented what could be a very interesting direction for the show. Namely: What happens when Michael Scott becomes disillusioned with Dunder Mifflin?

Given his celebratory mood after being able to score the limo for the ride back to Scranton, I don't think it's going to set in just yet. But it has to be coming, because even someone as naive as Michael would have to realize that the people above him A) are full of crap about the company's prospects and B) don't seem to care all that much. These are the same folks who made Ryan a VP, after all.

Whenever this dawns on him, I think it will be kind of great, and I also think the fact that DM Scranton is still profitable combined with Jim's supermarket idea from last week will be what ends up saving at least their branch's bacon. But until then, if the show keeps delivering more episodes like this one, I shall be one happy recapper.

Steve Carell did a spin on vintage tone-deaf Michael in "Shareholders Meeting," but in a rare and rather inspired changeup to the usual formula, he was mostly in the right. Yes, he was talking out of his butt when he told the angry shareholders that things would be OK. And yes, he gave into his burning need to be liked and shouted half-cocked thoughts about a plan to save the company when there was none.

But didn't the spectacle of seeing CEO types (and a former congressman now cashing in with a seat on the board) get booed and jeered just feel kinda good? Maybe the show was laying it on a bit heavy with the tone-deafness of the Dunder Mifflin higher-ups -- the limo sent to pick Michael up, the swanky hospitality suite, the bodyguards -- but I'm OK with that. As a stand-in for every arrogant, bailout-taking, bonus-justifying captain of industry in the real world, it was just satisfying to watch Dunder Mifflin CEO Alan Brand get his.

The show also found the funny in the situation, though, coming mostly from Michael's cluelessness about being used as a pawn in the corporate game. His failure to cover his microphone, the way he riled up the crowd, his inability to see why Oscar wouldn't want to stick his neck out in front of the bigwigs -- all of it clicked. My favorite bit? His voiceover as the camera followed him, Dwight, Oscar and Andy sprinting toward the limo: "The perks? I could take or leave the perks. But limos are for people who make the company money, not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early."

Other notes from "Shareholders Meeting":

With as involved (and good) a main story as we had tonight, the B plot didn't have to do much, but Jim's mini-standoff with Ryan worked pretty well. Their sort-of rivalry hasn't surfaced much since Ryan's demotion, but it seems pretty natural that Ryan would be doing little things to undermine Jim -- like sending an e-mail to everyone saying Jim didn't have the same authority as Michael. Jim's not entirely sure he does either, but putting the little d-bag in his place in his new closet/office was a nice little reminder of the pecking order.
Loved, loved the entire branch's negative reaction to Michael's twirl: "Lose the twirl ... the twirl sucks ... I hated the twirl ..." capped by Andy, in his P.A.-announcer voice: "Hate the twirl!"
Pam, after a late hand-raise in support of Jim having the same amount of managerial power as Michael: "I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one."
No real Creed moment this week, sadly. His only scene came with Ryan, who was dishing out romantic advice. Ah well.

Does Dunder Mifflin have any kind of future? Are Michael and Jim the company's last, best hope?

'Fringe': An Observer in love

2009-11-20T07:41:24Z

Tonight on "Fringe," the Observer kidnaps a girl. Except he's not THE Observer, he's AN Observer.

The Observers
This new Observer (August) kidnaps a girl (Christine), takes her to a motel and binds and gags her. (I thought "CSI" was on CBS.) Other Observers get together and realize August kidnapped a girl who was supposed to be on flight 821, which has now left already. This "irregularity" must be repaired, so they contact hitman Donald to kill her.

Back in the motel, August shows Christine that her plane has crashed and that he saved her. He says she isn't safe yet and goes to see the other Observers. He argues that she is special, that he sees that she is important. They say they only act when they are correcting a mistake of their own making and tell him they've already "seen to it" that Christine is taken care of.

Peter, Walter, Olivia & Walter
They have a book found near the kidnapping to analyze. It's full of weird symbols, none of which ever repeat, and also a blood splatter. The blood has a tint that indicates a hemophiliac and the symbols have been recently investigated by Massive Dynamic.

The scientist from Massive Dynamic can't crack the symbols, but he does show all these famous paintings where a figure who looks like the Observer is there (Boston massacre, Marie Antoinette's beheading, the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand). He hypothesizes that they show up at important moments in time, maybe two dozen in the past 5,000 years, but recently he's tracked 26 sightings in the last three months.

Christine's subleasor says Christine was going to study ceramics in Rome for a semester, she was supposed to leave today. The roommate also relays that Christine's parents were killed when the bridge collapsed in the 1989 earthquake.* In the background of the last picture Christine has with her parents, hours before they died, is an Observer. When they hear about the panae crash, they realize the Observer saved her on purpose.

The blood sample comes back as not blood but chile pepper juice. One of the hottest in the world, the King Cobra chile. The team tracks the Observers by who is importing those peppers locally (three restaurants and one private citizen).

Walter gives Astrid the slip to go meet with the Observer. He cracked the code by noticing a nitrogen molecule among the symbols. August wants Walter's help, though Walter thought August was going to take Peter back. Walter advises that since the other Observers won't believe that Christine is special, he must MAKE her special.

Donald the Hitman
Donald is surprised at August's place by Olivia and Peter. He shoots at them and runs for it. He then tracks August to the motel and shoots August three times in the chest. Olivia and Peter arrive and the dying August gives Peter his gun. Peter uses it to save Olivia from Donald and when they get back to where August was, he's gone. Olivia finds Christine hidden in the room.

August is picked up by another Observer and explains that he saw Christine as a little girl, who was brave when her parents had just been killed. She never left August's mind. He thinks he loves her. And then he dies. Now she's safe because she's important. Because she's responsible for August's death. Back at Christine's apartment, Walter returns a teddy bear to Christine that she was holding when the bridge collapsed.

Peter presses Walter for information about the Observers and why one saved them so many years ago but Walter won't budge. At the very end of the episode, two Observers watch Olivia and lament that things are about to get so hard for her.

Thoughts & Tidbits

*The 1989 earthquake is known as the World Series earthquake because it happened during warmups for game 3 of the WS. Weirdly, the two teams in that WS were the two San Francisco-area teams, the Giants and Athletics. Since so many people had left work early that day for the game, traffic was especially light. If it had been normal rush hour, the death toll probably would've been much higher than 63. Just a bit of trivia for you, we're a full-service blog around here.
Observer: "Look how happy she is. It's a shame things are about to get so hard for her."
Interesting episode tonight. I liked the information we got about the Observers and where/why they appear, though the actual plot with August and Christine wasn't fleshed out enough to grab me.

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'Supernatural': The Devil Went Down to Carthage...

2009-11-20T06:07:41Z

In tonight's "Supernatural," we begin under a freeway overpass, where Crowley the British demon utterly disappoints a portly banker (he was expecting something prettier and female) looking for a bailout. Really, dude, you asked a demon? Just call the government. It has an ATM for this sort of thing.

There's a kiss, but not one that anyone's been wanting to see -- except for Castiel (a k a Huggy Bear), who's lurking in the distance, calling in to the Winchester boys. Unfortunately, Crowley heads into a place with super magical angel-defeating graffiti, so Castiel has to cool his heels until the Impala fords a puddle and arrives on the scene.

In his palatial mansion, Crowley is watching Hitler-type movies and listening to soul music. Jo appears at his gate, armed with a sob story, a little black dress and the Winchesters. So much for security. Shoulda got a dog.

In the hall, Crowley finds the boys and a magic carpet, then whips out the Colt and takes out his own guys.

"We need to talk, privately."

Hmmm, looks like Crowley's got a jones for icing Lucifer, and he's willing to hand over the Colt if the guys will do the deed. Apparently, he's tired of being a fallen angel's bitch, and he wants the war over, so he can get back to making big sales commissions.

Crowley points the boys to Carthage, Mo., and gives up the Colt. This generosity doesn't stop Sam from trying it on him, but Crowley wasn't stupid enough to put in extra bullets.

On to Hunter HQ, where Ellen is doing that drinking game from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" with Castiel, whose capacity for hard liquor may even exceed Karen Allen's. Meanwhile, the boys are debating their turn of fate over beers. Looks like Carthage is a hotbed of revelation omens and missing people. Dean's sure Lucifer is there, but he worries about the danger of bringing Sam into the same Zip Code.

Dean heads to Jo and tries the "I don't want to die a virgin" speech, which even though he's not one, works like a charm ... not. Bobby's also there and decides to take a group shot -- because that was such a great omen in "The Untouchables."

The team rolls into Carthage, which seems to be a cell dead zone (sure sign of the Devil if I ever heard of one) and deserted to boot. But Castiel uses his magic angel vision to see that the town is full of Reapers, so he goes after the 411. But he winds up instead with the Big Bad himself, who has him trapped in a ring of holy fire.

Lucifer thinks Castiel's peculiar, but a guy in a rotting meat suit shouldn't throw stones. Lucifer tries to recruit Castiel to the cause of cast-out angels, but no dice. Meanwhile in the street, the rest of the team marches around in broad daylight with shotguns, just in time to meet demon Meg, who's brought invisible friends with nasty growls.

Dean takes a potshot at a brimstone bowser, and then everybody's on the run, until Jo fights back and gets mauled. The gang bursts into a hardware store, which luckily has big chains and bags of salt for the door. Jo pretty much looks like a goner.

Getting a radio to work, Dean calls Bobby for help and gives him the lowdown. Ellen pitches in with an estimate of a dozen or more Reapers in town. Bobby thinks it's all part of Lucifer's ritual to unleash the Pale Rider, the Angel of Death, which means the Reapers are just waiting for the meeting to begin.

Bobby reveals that the AoD must come into the world at midnight in a place of carnage, which it turns out Carthage was back during the Civil War.

Meanwhile in Lucifer's lair, Meg wants to go in full-bore, but her papa's more patient and still hopes to win over Castiel.

In the hardware store, plans are underway to head to a farm that was the scene of a big battle, but Jo informs everyone that she's on the way out but can still be useful. The store has propane and rock salt and nails, all a growing boy needs to build one big bomb, big enough to blow hellhounds to, well, hell, provided Jo stays behind with her finger on the trigger.

Mom gives the go, and let the bomb-making montage begin. Dean and Jo have a moment; Ellen and Jo have a moment, in which Ellen volunteers to sacrifice herself to help the boys get away.

Uh-oh, Cujo's at the door, and he's got more than kibble in mind. Thank goodness Ellen stayed behind, because Jo couldn't wait for the bomb.

Hellhounds in the house ... boys out the back ... BOOM!

The boys are down on the farm, and Lucifer's all dewy-eyed to get into Sam's pants -- until Dean blows his brains out, that is. Oops, that didn't take, did it? The Devil rises again, a little the worse for wear, but hoppin' mad and very much not dead.

Apparently, Lucifer is one of the five things the Colt can't kill -- Do we know the other four? Anyone? -- and he's all about a rendezvous with Sam in Detroit in six months, when the two will become one.

There is a bunch of yokels around, only as many men as there are demons (the women and children were just collateral damage). Lucifer decides to play the brother-issues card, complaining that the Archangel Michael wouldn't help him storm heaven -- all because he had a mind of his own.

Yawn. You want some cheese with that whine, Lucy-boy?

Great, now he's chanting. It sounds like the end of "Ghostbusters." Oh, now, everybody else is dying too, leaving only Lucifer and Sam standing and proving Crowley right in believing that Lucifer will off demons as soon as look at them.

Back in the ring of holy fire, Meg's teasing Clarence -- er, Castiel -- who's in Crowley's camp, but Meg believes in the One and won't hear a word agin' him. Oops, she came too close, but Castiel's mojo won't work on her, but setting her on fire works just fine.

Meanwhile, back at the farm, Lucifer is saying a fond hello to Big Bad Death.

Suddenly, we're back at Bobby's, what's left of the gang's all here, and that ill-fated photo goes on the fire.

And that's all she wrote until Jan. 21.

Whaddya think, kids? Two hunters down, one in a wheelchair, two able bodies left, but will they keep those bodies for very long? Frankly, I'm pretty underwhelmed by Lucifer, so hoping that Michael will be played by someone really interesting -- like Michael Shanks from "Stargate SG-1."

No, that's not a spoiler. But he IS Canadian. Just sayin'.

'Survivor: Samoa' has gone from zero to hero

2009-11-20T05:36:11Z

Tonight on "Survivor: Samoa," this season just keeps getting more awesome.

Aiga
Following tribal, Danger Dave has the good sense to know that they got played and he very graciously congratulates the Foa Foas about the move they just made. Laura, on the other hand, is acting like Russell just killed her kitten with a tack hammer. It's not personal, you crazy woman.

The next morning, Russell goes Idol hunting again. Shambo talking-heads that she's with Foa Foa and she goes after John about aligning with them to get Laura out. John says he can't guarantee he'll vote for Laura and then she asks him to keep his mouth shut about her even broaching the subject. Hmmm.

Reward Challenge
Two teams of five. One person is in a cradle being swung around by the other four members. Cradle person collects flags and whichever person gets all 15 first wins a flight to a picnic and a camera phone... because DVDs of this experience aren't enough, I guess? They don't even get to talk to their families? Weak.

The teams are Shambo/Jaison/Monica/Mick/John and Dave/Brett/Laura/Russell/Natalie. Interestingly, on the first team John is in the cradle instead of Monica (who is presumably the lightest). Predictably, the second team is at an advantage because Natalie weighs like 90 pounds and the first team is not only adding John's weight but also giving up his strength on the ropes.

So Dave/Brett/Laura/Russell/Natalie are off to the reward. Somebody in the sound department goes a little wild on the xylophone while they take pictures of each other in the plane. The Survivors then get a huge picnic of hot dogs and pie and stuff.

While they're on reward, Jaison and Mick approach Monica about flipping. She says they'll need one more and they assure her they have someone already. Monica wasn't born yesterday on the turnip truck, and she suspects Shambo of flipping. But she uses this approach by Foa Foa to suggest they get John out. If Foa Foa is smart, they'll go along with whomever Monica wants, as long as a Galu member goes.

The reward folks get a club about the Idol. It's hidden under a rock with moss on it. When they get back, Russell mobilizes Jaison and Mick to find the next Idol by describing the rock they saw on the phone video. Dave and Laura follow Russell around, so he starts jogging through the jungle and loses them, only to double back to where he thought he saw the right rock and with no one there, he turns the rock over and finds the Idol. HOLY CRAP, Y'ALL.

Immunity Challenge
They first break tiles with a rock to earn spears but you're aiming for YOUR tiles. The spears are used to shoot at a target. Jaison gets one, Mick gets one, Brett gets two and Dave breaks one of Monica's so she gets a spear.

Brett gets his first shot on the board, Jaison misses completely, Monica hits the target but outside Brett's shot, Mick hits closer than Brett, so it's down to Brett's last shot. Brett can't do it, so Mick wins immunity.

Tribal Council
Laura finally lost immunity, so Russell wants to do her in. Shambo tells Brett about her vote as the plinky-plunky strains of "There is no more Galu" play. John, Dave and Laura get together and decide to vote for Natalie. Meanwhile, Monica, Dave and Brett talk about making Foa Foa think they're voting for John.

So Monica goes to all of Foa Foa about voting for John, but they seem suspicious. Russell says they have to let John know that Galu is after him. Meanwhile, Brett and John talk about Monica's plan and John is NOT happy about it.

Russell and John get together about Monica's scheming and John says if he's going to give them a Galu, they have to give him a Foa Foa in return. Apparently, this season's rules are that if there's a tie, they re-vote. If there's another tie, they draw rocks out of everyone left and the two people voted for are safe! Holy crap! So John thinks he should vote with Galu both times, then let the rocks be drawn and pray it goes to a Foa Foa. Wow. I don't think I'd hang my hat on that, John.

At Tribal, John says he was surprised by both the last two votes, which is total crap because he VOTED for Eric! Are you kidding me, liar? That wasn't a surprise! Anyway, Jeff (and I) are totally excited to see how the vote goes.

We see a Shambo vote for Laura and somebody vote for Nat, but they don't show us who. Probably Laura or Monica. Anyway, the votes go Laura, Natalie, Laura, Natalie, Laura, Natalie, Laura, Natalie, Laura, and..... NATALIE. We have a tie.

So now Laura and Natalie will not vote and the survivors can only vote for them. We see Dave vote for Natalie and Jaison vote for Laura. The votes go Laura, Natalie, Laura, Natalie, Laura, Natalie, Laura and... LAURA!!!!

Shambo has the biggest s**t-eating grin, Eric whispers, "So good," Dave looks shell-shocked and Laura's jaw hits the ground. SO AWESOME! That was just EXCELLENT!

Thoughts & Tidbits

Russell is too much. Seriously, what is going ON this season? If next spring really is an all-star season (rumors have said it is), I hope they get Russell to play again.
I don't blame John at all for flipping, I wouldn't leave it up to chance either. Plus Laura is sour and bitchy.
My boyfriend comments, "Man, they may not win challenges but having Russell on their team? He doesn't just sniff out Idols like he's a little ferret. He didn't buy that 'vote for John' stuff for a second. He couldn't have played that any smarter than going for John when he sussed that out."
Russell: "That was almost as great as my kids bein' born."

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'Bones': Booth's grandfather tells it like it is

2009-11-20T05:02:07Z

We got a rare glimpse into the childhood of Seeley Booth tonight on "Bones," in an episode that's certain to move Booth and Brennan's relationship forward. It definitely ventured into fairly well-trodden "elderly person dispenses wisdom" territory, but Booth's grandfather was so awesome that I can't really complain.

The Case: Our murder this week was far from the main event, though it was a little wacky. A house-hunting couple checking out a recently widowed man's vacant house stumble upon a foot lying in a pile of ashes on the bed. And hmm ... seems preeeetty convenient that the Realtor had just called the master bedroom "to die for," almost as if she already knew what was inside. J'accuse! ... Eh? What's that? Just a cheesy crime show clichÃ©? Never mind, then. (Just kidding, "Bones" writers. I love you!)

Booth and I both theorize spontaneous combustion, but the "wick effect" is the likely culprit. It involves body fat, an open flame, and a "slow-burning human candle." Disgusting, but plausible. Especially since victim No. 2, Hugo, is a 5' 5", 260-pound man. Victim No. 1, Meg, used to be similarly obese, but she'd lost 100 pounds in the past year by stealing her roommate's insurance for weight-loss surgery. She met Hugo at "Club Jiggle," a club for "feeder and eater fetishists," according to Sweets. Man, there's a club for everything these days.

The Realtor isn't at all bothered by the fact that there's been a murder ("I know it should. My therapist says I'm afraid to feel." -- i.e. she's clearly a murderous sociopath), and Booth and Brennan eventually come around to my side, deciding they don't like her. If only they'd heard the "to die for" line!

But no, our murderer is the unhappy homeowner, who came in to find Meg and Hugo, who was a prospective home buyer, doing it (and by "doing it," I mean both "having sex" and "eating cake," which isn't a euphemism) in his and his dead wife's bed. Sooo he beat them to death with weird-bordering-on-creepy finials carved to portray him and his wife. "Finial" is apparently a word for those round bedpost toppers. Learn something new every day!

The Good Stuff: Booth's grandfather, who raised him after his father left, is crashing with Booth for a while after punching a male nurse in his retirement community. Awesome? He immediately exclaims to Booth, "Wow, you weren't kidding!" when meeting Brennan, and then asks Sweets if he's a friend of Parker's, and if he got his MD in a Cracker Jack box. Like grandpa, like grandson!

Caring for Hank is a little tough on Booth since Hank sometimes gets lost, or forgets to take his blood thinners, or takes a job as a greeter at the discount store. He certainly has a fondness for Brennan, though, telling Booth that if he ever needs "a little privacy with the bone doctor," he'll make himself scarce.

Booth assures him that there's nothing going on between him and Brennan, and after Hank questions his heterosexuality he insists, "She's a keeper. You should listen to me. I warned you about Rebecca being a waste of time, didn't I?" Booth protests that he can take care of his own love life, but Hank isn't buying it. And thus begins a matchmaking effort worthy of Cupid himself. For example, with Brennan in the car, he turns to Booth: "She's got talent, charm, beauty, money. And you're just friends? I didn't raise you very well." They both look at him, and Brennan looks at Booth. It's funny, but they seem torn between amused, uncomfortable, and contemplative.

Later, though, Hank gets serious with Brennan, confessing what he hasn't been able to tell Booth. Rather than Booth's father leaving them, Hank actually kicked him out after he saw his son beating Booth when he was just a kid. And Booth's dad never came back, so Hank was left with the Booth boys. "I didn't know what else to do. He was beating my grandson. Look, when the time is right, you'll tell him. And if he needs it, you'll hold him, okay?" Brennan agrees. I'm really happy to get more back story on Booth. I know he's a closed-off character, but so is Brennan, and we've spent much more time on her history.

And Hank continues to invite Brennan over to dinner, not even really trying to be subtle. All's well and good until he sets the kitchen on fire, and Booth realizes that he'd need to take a leave of absence to take care of Hank. When Brennan questions his ability to afford that, Booth desperately says, "Pops will think I don't love him." Brennan is incredulous, and rightfully so since Hank says he's afraid of hurting Booth when he tells him that he needs to get back to the retirement community. Ah, the old "dump him before he dumps me" strategy. Classic.

Before heading into the community, he asks for a minute alone with Brennan.

Hank: "You remember what I told you."
Brennan: "I remember."
Hank: "He's big and strong, but he's gonna need someone. Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared."
Brennan: "Scared of what? I'm not scared of anything."
Hank: "It all goes by so fast, you don't want any regrets."
Brennan: "I don't understand."
Hank: "Yes, you do."

I'm glad to see someone calling Brennan out on that "I don't understand" thing, because she definitely uses it as a crutch sometimes. He also gives Booth a pep talk, pointing to his heart and telling him, "It's all in there, everything you need to know. You just do what it tells you." Hugging, goodbye-ing, sadness and sweetness. And after telling (reassuring?) each other Hank didn't really say anything, they turn to leave. And Booth cutely compliments Brennan's necklace. Or rather, "That thing around your neck." Ah, boys. Knowing the word "necklace" would emasculate you to the point of being a woman? Is that it?

Odds and Ends:

Holy cow...that imagined Booth/Brennan childhood abuse conversation is going to spark a wildfire of fanfics.
I thought it was adorable when Brennan put together that nicknames are a sign of affection, before admitting that "Bones" is the only nickname anyone's ever given her.
Hank with the ladies at Club Jiggle = hilarious and awesome. I want some suspenders just so I can do that dance. I'm not even joking. Rainbow ones. I'm going shopping tomorrow.
I, much like Cam, am happy to see Clark open up a little. I was beginning to think he was an android or something. (Wait, can androids express emotion? Should I be calling him a robot? It's been way too long since I've seen "Blade Runner.")

Quotes:

Hank: "You've got a pair of steel ovaries." LOVE. IT. Let's make a pact, everyone. Use this expression at least once in the next week, and maybe it'll catch on!
Brennan at Club Jiggle: "They look quite happy. Obviously they haven't seen their blood sugar levels."
Booth: "I thought you didn't like to go by your gut." Brennan: "Well, I was just trying it out. It's...not satisfying."

How did you like Booth's grandfather, and his matchmaking attempts? Do you believe Brennan every time she says "I don't understand"? Are you going to start approaching anything labeled "to die for" with trepidation?

'Project Runway': The winner: Irina Shabayeva

2009-11-20T04:47:31Z

Tonight's "Project Runway" did have a certain level of suspense, given how Tim's yelling was played up. But mostly it was a showdown between three quite talented designers -- and Irina Shabayeva, whose collection was both beautiful and technically, walked away the winner.

Those last couple of days before the show were a long haul, with everyone scrambling and Carol Hannah so sick. Irina's struggling with Gordana as an assistant, partly because she has so much work to do and partly because Gordana doesn't seem to be the quickest draw in the east. At times Althea appears to be coming apart at the seams.

But for all the talk about things being so frantic, Carol Hannah, Althea, and Irina manage to pull off some of the best and most polished 13th looks of any season's showing. Carol Hannah's one-shouldered teal jersey goddess dress is really beautifully draped and looks very finished. Althea's put together an outfit of separates -- a top, a pair of silk khaki pants that Michael and Nina later go bananas over, and a black jacket with exaggerated shoulders that looks nutty on the mannequin but very nice on the runway. Irina's bitten off a lot with a beautifully constructed, architectural, layered skirt and a basic black tank -- and she goes even further balls-out by putting the 13th look on her muse model. Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid, girl.

All the promos featured Tim saying he was about to lose it and scolding the designers for being incredibly late in getting their models and looks together. Which is ridiculous, because Tim's far too big a gentleman to ever froth at the mouth, and his upset was so calm that I could fight with him every day of my life and still have a very pleasant and unfettered existence. How much do we heart Tim? Thiiiiiiis much.

Althea's up first, and explains that she was inspired by sci-fi movies of the '50s and '60s, and interpreted them as a vision of what the woman of today would wear tomorrow. She has some beautiful pieces -- the black dress, suits with fitted pants that still looked comfortable, and a very cute silver top with a gray skirt that looked so insanely narrow at the bottom I couldn't believe the model didn't fall down. Althea's knits, though, looked kind of a mess -- not particularly futuristic and stretched out several inches over the models' hands. The whole collection contained just one shot of color -- a green dress under a black jacket that was really cute -- but was otherwise incredibly muted.

Carol Hannah really played with her usual combination of draping and tailoring, and the first dress out was just beautiful -- a combination of neutral and dark, structured and sleeveless with a high crew neck on top, with a short, draped skirt on the bottom -- totally flattering. Her collection had a lot of interesting shapes, a few fussy embellishments, and a much better use of color than her two competitors. In addition to black, silver, and taupe, she also threw in some gold, some eggplant purple, and that pretty but not overwhelming teal. Of the three, I think this was by far the most colorful and playful collection, but it didn't lose its sophistication.

When we got a peek at Irina's collection last week, it was obvious she really has it going on in terms of craftsmanship -- her detail and structure are really beautiful. If only the people who were actually shooting the fashion show had bothered to zoom in on some of the detail, we could've seen it better. Irina's premise was that her collection was about both comforting and shielding yourself as a woman in New York -- both protection and safety. The look was lots of woman warrior -- leather, pieces constructed somewhat like armor, knits that enveloped the models but didn't swallow them up, and hats (shaped like helmets, which I wasn't crazy about), boots, and purses. Irina's collection was definitely the most cohesive, but it was also almost all black with a little gray and beige thrown in. Nina warned her last week about going all black and all the detail you lose editorially, and made a point of giving Irina the stink eye on that point during judging.

Suzy Menkes, editor of the International Herald Tribune, joined the panel of judges and seemed to have some sort of accident with the front of her hair that I couldn't figure out. I want to make a joke about Heidi's shiny pink suit and brooch that she may or may not have stolen from Madeleine Albright's jewelry collection, but it's too easy.

Judging

Carol Hannah: They all went crazy for the first dress, and Nina commended her for a spirited collection that was impeccably done, even though she worked with difficult fabrics. They understood that the dress with the inverted pyramid tulle skirt was a show piece (thank goodness -- no one with any kind of hips could wear that thing), and they loved her use of color. But no real connective thread held it all together, and she was the first one sent from the runway. Carol Hannah then proceeded to be the most lovely and gracious non-winner in "Project Runway" history.

Althea: The judges all agreed that Althea has a great sense of cool, and seems to really have her finger on the pulse of what's going on. Nina loved the green dress, and Michael was in seventh heaven that someone showed sportswear, which could work as separates. But they were quite right that her last three pieces were off. Althea was sent from the runway, and was just as adorable as Carol Hannah about how she handled the loss. Amazingly, those two are both only 23 -- what a future they have ahead of them.

Irina: Nina loved the T-shirts. Michael said the "woman warrior" thing wasn't exactly a new character in fashion. Heidi said she'd like to own a lot of these pieces. Michael loved her showmanship and her accessories. And everyone agreed that the collection looked cohesive and finished -- if lacking in some badly needed color. I haven't been a huge fan of Irina's, even though the bit with her family last week was adorable. But when they announced she was the winner she really lost her bitchface. Her reaction was really quite touching, and seeing how her parents took the news pretty much got the waterworks flowing all over the place. When Nina Garcia tears up, you know you're seeing something pretty powerful.

Congratulations, Irina!

A couple of other thoughts:

I thought it was really striking how dark and somber these collections were. They were technically proficient for sure, and they all had points of view, but the exuberance that marked the collections of Jeffrey Sebelia, Christian Siriano, or Santino Rice was noticeably missing.
There's been a good deal of talk, here and elsewhere, about the relative strength of the designers this season. Looking at these final three, I do think they could measure up to just about anyone else who's been a contestant on this show. And in terms of technical merit, I do think the right person won.
The promo ad says that Season 7 premieres on Jan. 14. Seriously? I know this season was held up over the court battle and all, but shouldn't Lifetime give the brand a little down time in between seasons?

What did you think? Did the right person win? Were you happy with the collections overall, or were you disappointed? And did this finale seem a little weirdly edited or paced compared to other seasons?

'FlashForward': Renal cell carcinoma and Bob Dylan

2009-11-20T03:49:57Z

I am not sure why "FlashForward" felt the need to give us a Bryce-centered episode. I would argue that Bryce is not the most interesting of characters, but I went into the episode thinking that maybe I would be turned around once I learned more about him. Didn't happen.

We learned tonight that four weeks before the blackout, Bryce was depressed. We kind of knew that already, what with his being about to commit suicide when the flash took place. What we didn't know before tonight, though, was that four weeks before the blackout Bryce learned that his stage four renal cell carcinoma had metastasized. Bad news? Yes. Worth ruining someone else's '63 T-Bird? No. Nothing is worth ruining a cherry '63 T-Bird (maybe not even the environment).

Two weeks before the flash, Bryce's flash girl -- Keiko Arahida (probably Keiko anyway, definitely Arahida) -- was flailing in an interview and Bryce was flailing in an operating room. Keiko got her job, Bryce kept his and then they were both oh-so-excited by their flashes and their potential for true happiness.

I apologize -- I can't figure out why Bryce is in the show at all. I see a world in which all the others characters have something to do with the flash -- loving someone that caused it, finding those who caused it, or actually causing it. Bryce is just... there.

Plus, Bryce has to be in the easiest surgical residency program ever. He gets time off without having a fever. He goes to Tokyo when he's supposed to be going to Texas. Is he going to get fired for that? I'm thinking not. I'm happy he wants to meet his one, true, future love, but the other surgical residents in the program need to pick up the slack when he disappears. That's not how you treat other human beings, no matter what you have going on. Serves him right that the future flash restaurant is in L.A., not Tokyo.

Far more interesting to me tonight was Demetri's conversation with Ms. Levy from the NSA. The NSA apparently had a recording of Demetri's call with the mysterious lady who told Demetri about his impending murder, but Levy wasn't going to give up any info. No, instead she wanted to not divulge any information about anything whatsoever with Demetri in the room.

I saw that as the exact sort of thing one branch of the government would do to someone in another branch. Levy had information that could have helped Demetri save his life, but wasn't interested in helping at all, in any way. But, let me ask you, why would she inform the FBI that she had that information if she wasn't willing to part with it? Weird.

Perhaps Levy is just as ridiculous as Mark. Why did Mark assume the text to Olivia about his drinking came from one of the two people he told about his drinking? Why couldn't it have come one of the gunmen who saw him drunk? What kind of FBI guy is he that he couldn't figure that possibility out? He would rather accuse his AA sponsor and his boss than think. Of course, he also told Demetri that they would both being going to Hong Kong right after Wedeck told them not to go -- clearly Mark's not the brightest bulb.

Quick flashes:

I get where both Aaron and Tracy are coming from with the drinking in the house. Tracy does seem to be drinking a little much, however.
Wow, what a bogus explanation we got tonight of how the FBI could analyze the ring but not the guy's face. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Dylan's "Shelter from the Storm," good song -- almost makes up for a Bryce-centric episode.

The TV and Film Guy's Reviews - I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word.

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'Glee': Lean On Me (but only if it's appropriate)

2009-11-19T05:55:38Z

If ballads are "the perfect storm of self-expression," we had a monsoon tonight on "Glee." And hey, now that the real pregnancy is out in the open, maybe the fake pregnancy is soon to follow? Please? Pretty please?

The Crush: As a new rule, sectionals require each choir to perform a ballad, so Will pairs Glee clubbers off randomly to sing ballads to each other. Rachel draws Will's name out of the hat, and his obvious trepidation increases when she immediately pulls him into an "Endless Love" duet. Yikes. That's wiiildly inappropriate, and even more so when followed by a creepy stalker present: a tie with gold stars, so that "...every time you wear it you can think of me, and the star you're helping me become."

Emma can't really blame Rachel due to Will's "crushworthiness," but tries to help him out by suggesting that he sing his rejection to let Rachel down easy. (Spoiler alert: Our theme this week appears to be "sing your feelings with invariably disastrous results.") Seems Will's last stalker crush, Suzy Pepper (played to hilariously creepy perfection by Sarah Drew), tried to commit suicide by ultra-hot pepper when he confronted her. And I will cite that suicide method every time someone tries to take "Glee" too seriously.

Will chooses a mash-up of "Young Girl" and "Don't Stand So Close to Me," instructing Rachel to really, really listen to the lyrics. The mash-up definitely puts his message out there, but it's lost in translation. Rachel's take: "It means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me." Emma's breathless take: "You're a very good performer." Basically, they might as well be throwing their panties at him.

After an after-the-fact-embarrassing night cooking and cleaning Will's apartment, and trying to serenade him with "Crush," Rachel gets some sense (and self-respect) talked into her by Suzy Pepper, now recovered from her esophagus transplant. Rachel gets the message, and brings Will some "Sorry I've been acting so crazy!" flowers. Ha! She's humiliated and upset, but Will does a great job of assuring her that there's some boy out there for her - someone who will love even the things she doesn't love about herself. Keep hope alive, ladies.

Babygate: In their ballad rehearsal, a relentlessly optimistic/opportunistic Kurt helps Finn get some of the baby-related stress off his chest by advising him to sing his feelings out in "I'll Stand By You" form. Kurt = The Best. But when Finn's mom busts him singing to a sonogram, she immediately figures out what's going on. As opposed to Quinn's mom, who had a tape measure around her stomach and apparently didn't sense anything amiss. ...Though if I've learned anything from watching "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC, it's fairly common to unwittingly carry a baby to full term and then give birth in your pants, or in a toilet (actual examples, and yes, that show is bananas), so this is far from the worst case scenario.

Quinn is furious at Finn for telling his mom, but he's determined - after consulting with Kurt - that getting the secret out is for the best. And if he can do it in awkward, awkward song, all the better. At the Fabray's dinner table, after Quinn's dad Russell goes on about the Celibacy Club and Quinn's bright future (Side note: Quinn's dad is played by the same actor who played Logan's dad on "Gilmore Girls," so clearly he's got the "intimidating dad" market cornered.), Finn follows Kurt's plan and serenades them with "You're Having My Baby." Wow. Subtle. It's probably grounds for murder if you're Quinn, but it looks like she actually gets into it towards the end.

Her parents are understandably upset, though Quinn accuses her mom of already knowing (and seriously, how couldn't she?), but her dad goes beyond the understandable and throws Quinn out of the house. Finn's apparently perfect mom allows Quinn to crash at their place as long as she wants. Kurt is apologetic about his patently terrible plan, but Finn's just relieved there are no more secrets.

As Kurt emotionally tells Finn that the ballad he chose to sing to him is "I Honestly Love You," Mercedes interrupts to lure them to the choir room, where the Glee Club (even Puck!) serenades Finn and Quinn with "Lean On Me." Aww. True story: I had the "You can call on me, brother..." section as a solo in my fifth grade graduation. I'm pretty sure I was way better than Mercedes, based on my parents' reaction. Anyway, it's really sweet and great and supportive and I didn't tear up at all. Not one bit.

Quotes:

Rachel: "Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio Show Choir Committee finally paid off!"
Kurt (in his head): "I could totally sing this song with Finn. But screw him if he thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part away from me."
I want Jane Lynch back, because this section is lacking in Sue hilariousness.

Odds and Ends:

Two thumbs up again for Chris Colfer this week. Kurt's look of barely-restrained excitement when Finn pulls his name out of the hat was fantastic, as was his "call me" gesture during "Lean on Me."
I'm worried about Kurt, though - stop setting yourself up for heartbreak, buddy!
Is a "chastity ball" a real thing? Is it like a debutante ball, but with menacing dads as escorts instead of guys? Or maybe really strict nuns? Because that's how I'm picturing it.
I can see Mercedes' wisdom after Puck blurts out that he's the father - I mean, it obviously took two to "mess up Quinn's life," but she's got a good point about respecting Quinn's wishes and backing off.

Songs:

"Endless Love" by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross, performed by Rachel and Will
"I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders, performed by Finn
"Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, performed by Will
"Don't Stand So Close to Me" by the Police, performed by Will
"Crush" by Jennifer Paige, performed for like two seconds by Rachel
"(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka, performed by Finn
"Lean On Me" by Bill Withers, performed by Glee Club

Did you enjoy the episode, even though there was nary a Jane Lynch scene to be found? Are you ready to go out and sing your troubles away?

'So You Think You Can Dance': Kevin and Channing dance off into the sunset

2009-11-19T03:10:43Z

There were few surprises tonight on "So You Think You Can Dance," with yet another fair and sensible elimination. ...Seriously? Keep it up, America/judges, you're doing great!

And heeeey, Cat looks reasonably normal tonight, at least from the neck up. I guess she apologized to her hair and makeup team for whatever grievous slight she clearly committed. Now she just needs to send the costume designer a fruit basket or something.

Group Number:
Awesome/Wade & Amanda Robson/"Aha!" by Imogen Heap: Love it, museum premise and all. It's weird, it's a little freaky, it does a great job showing off the dancers as a group and individually, and you know I love the music. The synchronization faltered a teeny bit once or twice, but I really liked how some of the dancers took the style they were given and committed completely while still making it their own (Ellenore!).

They put Karen and Kevin out of their misery early, and I don't think anyone is surprised that they're in the bottom three. I'm thinking Karen will pull through (hopefully), but no one deserves to go home more than Kevin. I'm also unsurprised to see Channing and Viktor in the bottom three, though it's unfortunate since this is probably the best Channing in particular has danced so far. Too bad no one was able to focus on it because of Tyce's ridiculously distracting non-music choice! Russell and Noelle get a reprieve, which is only fair since the first time they got the foxtrot Russell was very undeservedly in the bottom.

I didn't expect to see Mollee and Nathan in the bottom three simply because if their fan base could live through last week's atrocious salsa, they should have been able to live through this week's over-praised but generally solid pop jazz number. But it looks like all that praise from the judges backfired, and maybe some of those fans felt like it was safe to vote for one of the actually fantastic performances from last night. Or perhaps, as Nigel suggests, it was overflow backlash from last week. And boy, no pressure on them and the other dancers since Nigel says he knows Mollee and Nathan will have "absolutely brilliant" solos. So essentially, it's a bottom two this week, not a bottom three.

Before the solos, we're treated to a really fun performance by Bollywood choreographer Nakul Dev Mahajan and NDM Bollywood Dance Productions. I definitely saw some disco influence in there, and loved it. This has to be one of my favorite styles the show does.

1. Karen
Song - "Break On Through" by The Doors: It's possible she's trying to suck up to Nigel a bit, since we know how much he loves her sexier moves. That said, I thought this was a pretty strong solo for a partnerless salsa dancer.

2. Kevin
Song - "Freeze" by T-Pain feat. Chris Brown: I think we can all agree that it would take a miraculously brilliant solo to keep Kevin in the competition, and this wasn't that solo. It was fine, but it wasn't the jaw-dropper he needed. I think he needs to work on using more of the stage, in particular.

3. Channing
Song - "The Face" by RyanDan: A couple moments looked mildly awkward to me, but this was largely a much better solo than I expected of her. A lot less rolling around on the floor than I remember in her audition round solos.

4. Viktor
Song - "Baby's Romance" by Chris Garneau
Okay, the mouth wide open silent scream was a bit much for me, but the turns were great. Overall I thought it was kind of overwrought, though. If Kevin weren't so clearly out of his league, I'd be worried for Viktor.

5. Mollee
Song - "Let Me Think About It (Radio Edit)" by Ida Corr vs. Fedde Le Grand: Much more upbeat music choice than I expected. I feel like the slower, more emotionally expressive contemporary solos are the ones the judges often go for. She's clearly trying to prove to them that she's capable of dancing like someone who's gone through puberty, and I thought she threw some really impressive tricks in there (the hands-free cartwheel, for example). The overly sexy thing felt forced to me, though - can't we find a happy medium?

6. Nathan
Song - "So Insane" by Discovery: Yes. This solo was super-confident, threw in some hip-hop (an interesting choice), and exploded off the stage at times. It had a clear beginning, middle, and end, and his turns blew Viktor's out of the water. It was different without being overly quirky, like Ellenore's solo last week.

While the judges deliberate, Orianthi performs a song off her new album. Didn't love the song to death, but the lady sure can play guitar. Dang.

The judges are unanimous all around tonight, and Nigel reiterates that the decision is largely based on their performance in the competition to date, and that the "dance for your life" solos just have the potential to change their minds. Which didn't happen tonight. He tells Mollee that she proved she could "dance like a woman," so mission accomplished, I guess. She even "showed everyone in the competition what 'dance for your life' really means."

Nigel reminds Channing and Karen that it's about performance as well as technique, which is difficult to show for a ballroom dancer without a partner. And so he praises Channing's technique, but reminds her that she needs to show more personality. Karen, on the other hand, is "without question a performer," with the potential to be a star. She's still in, unsurprisingly, and we'll be saying goodbye to Channing. Can't say I disagree, though it's a shame she went out on a routine that she nailed but that just happened to be very inaccessible.

For the gents, Nathan is excused immediately, with praise for using his solo to prove what a good dancer he is. Nigel reminds Viktor that "this is not 'America's Favorite Pirouetter,' it's 'America's Favorite Dancer.'" So true. Nathan had a bunch of turns as well, but the rest of his solo was strong, too...not so with Viktor. But of course, Nigel simply warns Viktor to step it up and eliminates Kevin, who he says has looked uncomfortable in his routines and hasn't grown enough in the competition so far.

Were any of you surprised at the outcome? Nice collective work predicting the bottom three couples in last night's poll!

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'America's Next Top Model' winner Nicole doesn't fall short

2009-11-19T02:13:44Z

Congratulations to Nicole, "America's Next Top Model" winner, the shorty who made history in the 13th cycle of the reality show as the first under 5'7" Top Model.

[Update: It's been pointed out that cycle 3 winner Eva Pigford was only 5'6 1/2". True. Eva the Diva makes her own rules. This season's emphasis on petite girls, however, guaranteed a winner 5'7" or shorter.]

"I'm a dork and I'm America's Next Top Model!" exclaimed the misfit Nicole upon hearing she had won, beating out adorable Kentucky competitor Laura. "This journey was incredibly hard. I had to learn to embarrass myself and to speak ... I didn't think I would survive."

Let's take a look back at the finale and how Nicole got here.

Laura and Nicole are in lovely Hawaii again, prepping for their CoverGirl commercial and photo shoot. Predictably, Nicole rocks the photos. Unfortunately, despite doing well in the last commercial challenge, this time she's awkward and comes off as low energy/snooty. Laura's pictures seem to lack the depth of emotion noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker wants, but she delivers a decent, upbeat commercial despite her dyslexia.

After doing a "Seventeen" magazine photo shoot with Gilles Bensimon (ex-hubby of New York "Real Housewife" Kelly Bensimon), the girls have a special visitor. Tyra Banks is at the door. The girls jump up and down like a couple of chihuahuas. Tyra's here!

During their talks, we learn just how far they've come. Nicole was so socially awkward, she used to eat her lunch in a bathroom stall so that people wouldn't see she was eating alone. Um, bathroom is worse. Laura has gone the farthest of all her family members, considering her dyslexia and that teachers called her stupid.

For the all-important runway show, eliminated contestants Erin, Sundai, Jennifer and Brittany are walking with them, along with Cycle 12 winner Teyona. Who? Yeah, we forgot her too. Wind tunnel girl, remember?

The show is actually pretty fun, and the Julia Clancey designs are feminine with a bit of flair. In general, Nicole's walk is a little odd, a bit aggressive and leading with the forehead and chest. Laura's is a little on the slow side, but her poses and expressions are great. The best bit is the "wind" part of the four elements in the show. The girls had to power through a wind machine while wearing a heavy translucent veil over the upper half of their body and face, then whip it off at the end to reveal the dress more fully. The water writhing thing just made me laugh.

At judging, a look back makes it clear that Nicole has some uncanny talent to take great photos and make herself look taller (it's that long neck!), but that Laura comes off very model-y in pictures versus in person.

When Nicole is announced the winner, Laura cries of course, but naturally sees the upside of getting this far in the competition. Her family will certainly be proud of her, and we all know she'll get work, no matter what. We'd love her to get some acting gigs on The CW! She could totally outshine Ashlee Simpson's wild-eyed, mincing performances on "Melrose Place."

Nicole joins Tyra -- who's wearing an Amazonian yellow outfit -- in a photo shoot.

Oddly enough, Tyra ends the show with a mini voicevoer monologue that congratulates Nicole for representing "for the shorties everywhere, Love Tyra." What was that? I expected her to say "XOXO" like Gossip Girl. Never let us forget that even though it's Nicole's time to shine, Tyra has the last word!

Your thoughts? Are you happy with the winner?

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Related:

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'The Biggest Loser': Rudy's grudge sends Rebecca home

2009-11-18T06:30:49Z

It's makeover week on "The Biggest Loser"! Let's all go to the Biggest Loser Resort in Utah to celebrate. Are you coming, Tim Gunn?

Joining Tim in the re-styling of the contestants is hair stylist Tabitha Coffey (who could probably take Jillian Michaels in a bitch contest) who talks them into hacking off all their hair. Rudy loses the facial fur, all the girls get shorter do's, and Danny looks like a walking advertisement for Just For Men.

Then there's Tim, who tries his best to convince the contestants that wearing something besides sweat pants all day is for the best. Rudy is having none of it--- he's used to t-shirts and jeans, and darnit, it works for him. Rebecca immediately dismisses animal print and then bursts into tears simply because she's actually shopping like every other woman can do. Liz's goal is simply to look hot.

Surprise, surprise. Everyone's families show up for the big makeover reveals. Also present is an auditorium full of people, ready to listen to the contestants' stories of inspiration. Danny goes first. Decked out in his baby blue argyle sweater, he tells the tale of the time when his daughter declared she wanted a belly as big as her daddy's. That was Danny's wakeup call to get his life back on track. Then there was Rudy. He dropped the bomb that his sister died of cancer when he was only twelve. Jillian, who was in the audience with Bob Harper, almost storms the stage. She's seriously pissed he never told her about this.

Did anyone else think that Rebecca looked like Velma Kelly from the play Chicago? Amanda had some pre-packaged speech that wasn't inspirational at all, but she looked pretty hot even though she wore long pants. Liz, who went with a flowy floral dress, told the story of when she would eat ice cream while watching The Biggest Loser at home. Then there was Allen. He had a dapper suit on, and made the entire room cry like babies. He revealed how hard it was for him as a fire fighter to stop making his life about saving other people and to start focusing on himself.

This week's challenge has been done pretty much every season. It's the old "pull yourself across a scary gorge" challenge. We've seen people lose their minds over heights on this show, but Liz had probably the funniest conniption fit ever. She was like grandma who just found a spider under her pillow. Absolute hilarity. But she powered through and finished the challenge. Naturally, Rudy took a quick lead. Followed by... Amanda? Hmm. How did that happen? Perhaps those upper-body workouts have worked for her. Allen wasn't showing off all those manly muscles this challenge, but we find out later he lost on purpose so he won't appear to be a threat. Smart thinking, Al. Rudy wins the challenge and a two-week vacation to the Biggest Loser Resort someone in Utah. It's like fat camp, but with yoga and pedicures.

At the last chance workout, everyone's kind of freaking out and trying to cram as much in as possible. They didn't have a lot of time to work out this week, what with the haircuts and the argyle sweaters and whatnot. Jill takes the opportunity to find out why Rudy didn't tell her about his sister sooner. She thinks it's important to get to the root of why he's fat. I think it's a spin-off attempt. (Guess what: It worked!)

At the weigh-in, the big guys throw up even more double digits. And Amanda has her biggest loss to date with nine pounds. Allen only drops five pounds, but thanks to Rebecca and Liz each losing three pounds each, he's safe and the two women are sent to below the yellow line. Liz and Rebecca each make their cases, but in the end, Rebecca couldn't convince Rudy not to vote for her to go. A fight even erupts in the elimination room. He accuses her of being shady at some point in the past. To which we all go: huh? Is it fair to say that Rudy has turned into the new villain?

It's all good, though. Rebecca is looking pretty sexy these days, especially while she was running that half-marathon. She's lost around a hundred pounds know and plans to be the at-home winner. And you know what? I'm kind of rooting for her.

Heather Locklear could save 'Melrose Place'

2009-11-18T06:11:08Z

Tonight on "Melrose Place," the b*tch is back as Heather Locklear returns as Amanda Woodward! Oh, and Ella has a totally hot lesbian makeout with a Brit named Melissa.

Amanda & Ella
The launch party for Riley as the face for Anton V's jeans is tonight... and Amanda is just in time. She hands Ella a script for Riley to say at the launch party that tells the tale of a rags-to-riches-gang-violence-bootstraps story. Meanwhile, Caleb thinks something suspicious is happening regarding Amanda and tries to warn Ella.

A talent agent named Melissa chats up Ella at the launch party about a new job at her agency. And it turns into a girl-on-girl makeout in a back room. My word. Didn't THIS little spoiler get lost in all the Heather Locklear hullabaloo?! Is it hot in here? Ella turns down her advances, in every sense of the word, which is good because she turns out to be a plant by Amanda. The next day, Amanda says she'll keep Ella around... IF she turns Riley into the school for using her sick days to go on the photoshoot. Ella refuses and walks out. I'm proud of you tonight, Ella.

Meanwhile, Amanda goes to Sydney's apartment, opens a safe in the wall and finds a note that says, "Amanda -- You'll never find it. -- Sydney."

Jonah & Riley
Riley's magazine shoot comes out. Um, where did the "laying in the sand" picture come from? I don't remember that from the Jo episode. We find out that "Living in Reverse" is stuck in development, so that gets that out of the way for now. Riley balks at the false story but Ella's getting fired and the no-$10,000 part change her mind.

Riley plays the good little rags-to-riches but she ends up spilling the beans when she just can't take the lying anymore. Good for you, Riles. Except she gets fired from school anyway because Amanda called the school.

Lauren & the Ho-ing
Lauren stretches for a run and catches David's eye. He invites her to a concert but she says no. Cause she has other people to do. Except she asks about David to Riley later and Riley busts her on liking him. When she returns from the party, David has brought autumn to her apartment. It's pretty cute, though I don't enjoy the chest hair poking out from his "Flashdance" sweatshirt. Anyway, they get down to business but Lauren stops them.

Auggie & David
Auggie is arrested for Sydney's murder. David goes to talk to him and they realize that after Auggie left, someone framed David for Sydney's murder. David suspects Dr. Michael Mancini. When he searches Michael's car, he finds Sydney's bloody necklace in a baggie in the glove compartment.

After David bails him out, Auggie heads back to the complex to say hey to everybody. The reception is icy, even from Riley. He confronts her about tipping off the police to where he was and Jonah yells at him to back off. The solution to the no-friends thing? Alcohol and wild monkey sex with Crazy Eyes.

Thoughts & Tidbits

Stephanie Jacobson in workout clothes makes me want to throw myself into traffic. I don't know why that's so much worse than a hot dress or a swimsuit, but it just is.
Why was Jonah wearing that outfit? He looked like Jerry Lewis as the Nutty Professor.
"Three-hour hair?" Are you freaking kidding me? If that takes her three hours, I wonder if she lost some fingers in an industrial accident.
So what is the note about?!?! I'm very intrigued and think this could let Heather Locklear save "Melrose Place" once again.
Amanda: This L.A. branch is drowning in red like a steer in a slaughter house. Now when I hired you to give this place a makeover, I didn't mean smear it with lipstick and turn it into a five-dollar hooker. This office? Is pathetic.
Amanda: Why are we spending so many man hours on a denim line? And I think we both know what I mean by 'man hours.' You could've been a leader, Caleb. But your focus shifted. From your client's assets to your client's ass. You're fired. And take your bat and balls with you.
Amanda: Good work, Ella. Maybe you're not as useless as I thought.

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