By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
A December 1, 2008 online The Wall Street
Journal article, "Retiree Havens Turn Younger to Combat the Housing Bust"
reveals that retirement communities are feeling the pressure of the collapsing
economy. To deal with vacancies and unsold homes, some communities, to the
dismay of residents, are considering age desegregation -- lowering the age of
entry to 45 in order to attract new occupants. Resident displeasure is
understandable because when you choose to move into a quiet structured
community, you don't want families with kids or teenagers running around
disturbing your lifestyle.
Having said that . . .
I have made no
effort to conceal my disdain for retirement communities. Created by
entrepreneurial home builders, they are attractive artificial contrivances
designed to appeal to the the desire of people who prefer peace, quiet and an
upscale place to spend the end of life. Basically, they are a lure for old
people to to play and decay. But that's okay. We still have the right to live
how and where we choose and I am thankful for that.
Did I say they are
places to decay? How can I say that! Retirement communities abound with things
to do. Golf, basket weaving, hiking, swimming, bingo, dancing, scrap booking,
biking. Even college courses for those who want to exercise what's left of their
brains. You name it -- most retirement communities have every activity you could
possibly ask for. And perhaps even an unexpected "bonus." For example, "The
Villages" in Florida would have you believe it's Heaven on earth. What isn't
mentioned in inviting TV ads is the existence of rampant sexually transmitted
diseases in the community. See "STDs Running
Rampant In Retirement Community" To be fair, given what's happening in the
culture as a whole, one can only say, "so what else is new."
What is
unfortunate is that so many people get sucked into the lifestyle without
realizing what they are getting into, and it's easy to understand why people do
it. When you've worked all your adult life and you are worn out at 65 or sooner,
a socially sanctioned retirement community appeals to your leisure- loving human
nature.
Right about now you are probably saying that only a cranky old
grouch would say anything negative about retirement communities. Okay, I hear
you -- chastisement accepted. But it doesn't change my views about retirement
communities and here is why:
I don't care who you are -- nobody wants to
get old and suffer premature decline. Anyone with a brain larger than a peach
pit realizes you can't be young for ever, (nor would most people wish to be
young forever) but you can be ageless. You can be strong, mentally and
physically. You can be independent. You can be an asset to yourself and to
others. You achieve that state of nirvana not by living a sheltered decline
oriented lifestyle, but by staying in the real world, being productive, and
dealing with all kinds of people with real world issues.
I have said it
repeatedly: We learn from those we associate with most closely. We adopt each
other's beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. When you surround yourself with and
interact with people primarily your own age and retirement oriented
circumstances, you all but negate your ability to grow.
Traditional
retirement, (except in certain health related circumstances) is a crock. We are
made for work, like it or not. I don't like the cliché "use it or lose it" but
it's true. Humans do best when they are engaged in something that has value not
just for themselves, but for others.
Before the creation of Social
Security in the 1930s, people didn't retire. At that time, people didn't live
much longer than age 65 so the establishment of a retirement age of 65 made a
modicum of sense. But now, retirement at 65 makes no sense at all because the
lifespan has increased by 30 years in the past century. Yet people still retire
at age 65 and usually opt into the traditional, decline oriented senior
lifestyle. And that often includes moving into a retirement community where
youth is an illusion. You can do all the "youthful" activities you like, but
when you do them with the same-age people all the time, personalities and
preferences meld into the lowest common denominator.
I feel sorry for
people who moved into a retirement community for peace, quiet and camaraderie of
other old people, and are now facing the specter of young faces, activities and
noises. It's too bad that financial realities are breaking down the age barrier
to these communities. But I can't help but wonder: What 45 year old in his or
her right mind would want to move into a retirement community? I imagine the
incentive would have to be the financial deal of a lifetime, like getting a
house for free. And maybe that is what it will come to. The way things are going
now, the government will own everything and we'll each be given according to our
needs. Now, where did I hear that idea before?
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
The new year is almost here and you may be making a
few anti aging resolutions to improve your health or appearance. Perhaps Santa will be
giving you a treadmill -- if you are lucky or if you've been very
good.
Not too excited about that?
Let me get right to it. If you
don't have a treadmill, you should. It's one of the best Christmas gifts you can
buy for yourself and your family. A treadmill is your speedway to a healthier
cardio-vascular system and weight control. It's my favorite tool to maintain a
youthful, energetic stride. If walking is difficult, try a Gazelle. Thirty
minutes every day will give you a waistline in no time at all like you haven't
had since you were eighteen. When you have your own treadmill or Gazelle you
don't need an expensive membership at a fitness club. (I recall telling a doctor
I had a Gazelle. She looked at me strangely. She wondered if I might be
harboring some kind of illegal animal. Obviously, she doesn't watch TV shopping
shows very much.)
Okay, let's say you have a treadmill or will buy one.
Your New Year's resolution is to use it every day for 30 minutes. Yaaay!
But here's the reality. Your resolution lasts about 30 days, if that,
because life has a way of interrupting. You have something more important to do
with your time. You forget. Whatever the reason, your good intention goes in the
tank.
I'm not qualified to get into the psychology of why people do or
don't do what they know they should do. I don't even care about the psychology
because I know this as a certainty: We all have the ability to make choices. And
somehow, and you know this is true, we usually, if not always, find a way to do
what we really believe is important.
In my new book, "No More Little Old
Ladies!" I talk about the necessity of recognizing that within each of us there
are two entities that function to influence our lives. You are well aware of one
of them -- your survival instinct. I have chosen to call it your inner pit bull
because, like a trainable dog, your survival instinct is trainable to a greater
extent that you might think.
My inner pit bull is named Rocky. I've
mentioned him before. He's the meanest slobbering beast you hope you would never
meet in a dark alley. He's tough, and I've trained him to be tough.
I
have trained Rocky so well that when I'm tempted to sit and watch TV after
dinner, he snarls and tells me to get off my butt unless I want to balloon from
a size 10 to a size 20 in short order. Rocky also shows me pictures of what I
will look like if I don't walk every day. You may laugh at this, but it works
for me. Visualization is very powerful.
The other entity is your
existence manager whose purpose is to get you to the end of your life. I'm not
sure you can control the number of years you will live, but I do know that from
personal experience you can influence how your existence manager affects the
quality of your life. Here's a perfect example of an existence manager at
work:
A mattress ad currently running on TV shows a young woman in bed
and the alarm goes off for an early workout at the gym. An older woman appears
beside her, telling her that she should enjoy the great mattress and that the
gym will be there tomorrow. This is a perfect example of how your existence
manager tries to sabotage your good intentions to stay in
shape.
Recognize that you have an existence manager. Know what it looks
like and give it a name. My existence manager is Jezebel, a refined, genteel,
conniving Southern lady right out of Gone with the Wind, and she and Rocky
constantly jockey for control of my mind and body.
When I'm debating
about "should I or should I not walk " Jezebel, mint julep sipping temptress
that she is, coos into my consciousness, "Barbara sweetie, you've worked hard
today. You deserve to sit." Guess what. Rocky is the victor in just about every
tug or war with Jezebel.
You could say I walk out of habit. Yes, that's
part of it. But habits that require expenditure of energy are easy to break. You
have to be tough and determined to win the war against decline that can come
with aging. You need an ally, and your best friend can be your inner pit bull
that you can train to do your bidding.
I understand that we are all
different. Not everyone is as tough as I am, but my toughness is not something I
was born with. I worked at creating it. You can do it too.
The bottom
line is this: You have the capacity to make choices. If you do nothing else for
yourself in the New Year, get a treadmill or use the one you have every day. At
the end of the year you will have added years of youthful, ageless zip to your
life. You will have more energy and vitality. You may even find that some health
issues may disappear. The icing on the cake is that you will loook better than
you have in years. All it takes is 30 minutes a day, every day, while you walk
through your favorite TV program.
Girlfriend, are you up to it? Sure you
are. Get to know your inner pit bull. Get on a first name basis with it. Train
it to do what you want it to do. Identify your existence manager and figure out
how to deal with it. You will be rewarded beyond anything you can
imagine.
Grrrrrr. :-)
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
The three biggest antiaging mistakes midlife and younger make are these:
1. They don't grasp the reality that they will get old
2. They don't have a plan to keep what they have
3. They don't plan to stay productive, which is the ultimate anti aging magic
Let's look at these three key elements. First, a midlife woman looks at an older woman who has aged traditionally and it doesn't register with her that she is seeing an image of herself in the future. What she sees doesn't apply to her. It's part of the human condition to be in denial about aging.
Knowing denial exists, you can take action to manage your aging process. Then, and this is the tough part, you have to decide not to become part of the traditional senior culture lifestyle, which is a culture of decline. But here's the thing. Unless you are fully aware of what the senior lifestyle is all about; unless you make a deliberate effort not to become part of it -- you WILL become part of it. You WILL experience traditional decline. I recognize and respect that many women look forward to the traditional retired senior lifestyle. They've worked all their lives and may not be in the best of health. Or for whatever reason they just decide that traditional retirement is the way they want to live and they are entitled to do that.
Working in a pharmacy with a large senior population I had an opportunity to observe the traditional retired lifestyle as most women do not. I wish you could have seen and experienced what I did. You would have joined me in agreement that "there but for the grace of God go I." You would have been inspired to take better care of your mind and body. Above all, hopefully, you would have been motivated to stay productive.
I was as old or older than most of the retired senior women. When I interacted with them, I couldn't empathize with how they were living. I felt I was peeking in on the intimate lives of women who for the most part, were unhappy. Yes, they enjoyed senior friends and activities, but deep down, they were empty. As much as they tried to live in the present they had a profound sense of loss of a healthier, vital past that they longed for. You know that is true when a woman shows you pictures of herself as a younger woman playing tennis, and telling you she yearns to play tennis but can't anymore; you know it's true when a woman younger than you complains, "Don't ever get old -- it's the pits"; you know it's true when a woman who is physically and mentally competent pinches pennies because as much as she would like to work, she's been out of the workforce for years and she doesn't have enough self confidence to try to get a job. When you experience these feelings and comments, you know it's a lifestyle you don't ever want to be part of.
If you are not yet "there" -- if you are not close to retirement age, you have a golden opportunity to keep many of the youthful attributes you have right now. Youth is a gift you get at birth that you get to keep for a short time. Fortunately, many of the youthful goodies that go along with youth can be kept for far longer than you may think. But it takes planning and effort.
The second mistake is that women don't have a plan to keep what they have, physically and mentally. One of the things old people fear most after not having enough money is loss of independence. You have to develop a fitness regimen that you do every day. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it keeps you strong and supple. Mentally, you have to train your inner pit bull to act in your best interests.
Finally, most women don't have a plan to stay productive after retirement. Staying productive doesn't mean you work 40 hours a week for the rest of your life (unless you want to). It means you do something that has value not just for yourself but for others. It is the ultimate anti-aging medicine.
So there you have it. Being ageless is easy. Understand the traps and pitfalls. Know what it takes to avoid them, have a plan to stay ageless, and then do it, no ifs, ands or buts. If life throws you a curveball along the way, proper preparation and inner toughness will enable you to weather whatever happens.
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
I had a conversation with a retired engineer whose health problems were eating up a big chunk of his retirement income every month. He was doing everything possible to make ends meet such as using coupons, asking for senior discounts, and living a frugal lifestyle but he just couldn't make ends meet.
I said to him, "Have you thought about getting a part time job -- you have a lot of experience you could put to good use." His response was so angry you would have thought I had insulted his mother. "Look, Barbara," he sniffed, "I've worked all my life and I deserve my retirement."
Everybody who chooses to retire deserves their retirement. Many people get to age 65 and have done all they are able to do mentally and physically, but most people at retirement age have more life left in them than they realize. Maybe they don't want to work 40 hours every week, but they are too young and vital to vegetate, and they know it.
When a relatively healthy retiree defends the decision to stop being productive with the "I've worked all my life" declaration -- it's not accurate. If you are retired and not working, you cannot say "I've worked all my life" because your life is not yet over. You have yet to explore and exploit all of your potential that could benefit yourself and others.
For the record, I define "productive" as something you do that not only gives you pleasure but has value for others. Activities such as gardening, taking classes, and playing cards are fun, but they are not productive. Engaging in an activity that you enjoy be it paid or volunteer and is of value to others is productive. You don't have to work forty hours a week unless you really enjoy what you do.
My concern with traditional retirement for healthy individuals is that that we are made for work -- like it or not. Our tradition of retirement at age 65 is not ordained by God; it's a foolish but well meaning creation of the 1930s when people didn't live much longer than age sixty-five. A lot has changed since then. For example, the life span has increased by 30 years, yet people still retire at age 65 or sooner. That means retirees who are not productive will be in decline for a longer period of time. Instead of "living" they will be "existing."
Boomers get it, I think. They tell me they have no intention of living the same kind of retired lifestyle as their parents and grandparents. But will they accomplish their goal, or will the lure of traditional retirement entice them to become part of the traditional retired lifestyle?
Science Daily of October of 11, 2008 published an article, "Sixties Generation Is Heading for Conventional Old Age." (The link for the article is in the Links section of this newsletter.) The story is about retirement in the UK, but I believe it has universal application. Here's the gist of the story from one paragraph of the article:
Most boomers - 70 per cent - regard age as unimportant in terms of their personal identity and, almost without exception, they told the researchers that they felt younger than their actual age. Boomers regard themselves as being more like their children and younger people than like their parents and older generational groups and, say the researchers, "see ageing as something that requires managing but is not overly problematic. . . . while 69 per cent of people interviewed agreed that it was possible to plan for retirement, 71 per cent were themselves making either no plans or only limited ones."
The above is accurate. Typically, boomers say they identify more closely with younger people than the older people. But that perceived identity will quickly give way to traditional thinking and behavior unless there is a plan to avoid typical traditional retired culture. What is particularly important to note in the above paragraph is that 71 percent were making no plans for how they want to live in retirement. That means that instead of taking charge of their aging process and making choices that result in growth and productivity, they have chosen to just let life happen.
Many people spend their pre retirement years doing work that is unfulfilling and eagerly await retirement so they can be free of the daily grind. What they don't realize is that the "do nothing" lifestyle they eagerly look forward to is worse than doing work they hate. It is the traditional "living life as a pastime” lifestyle that contributes to early and rapid decline.
If you spend your pre retirement years in the wrong career all is not lost if you plan, at least by age 40-50 to take charge of your future. At a healthy age 65 it's not too late to go back to school, start a new business or new career. Post retirement is the time to live your dream. If for no other reason, you should plan to stay productive in light of the prevailing economic chaos that may not resolve any time soon. True, life may throw a monkey wrench in your plan, but it's far more exciting to have a dream that can come true rather than to reminiscence about what might have been as you pass time in a retirement community with other declining "could have beens."
Please don't allow yourself to become obsolete because you plan to retire. You are not a light bulb that has been programmed to burn just for 100 hours. You are not an automobile that has been engineered to run just 100,000 miles and then be relegated to the scrap heap. Your potential is enormous. I always think about Col. Harlan Sanders who began his Kentucky Friend Chicken empire at an age when his peers were languishing in retirement communities and nursing homes.
Regardless of what you have worked at for so many years, there is something more inside you that has potential and value. Please don't leave your brilliance untapped. Use it to give joy and purpose to your own life and for the benefit of others. The bonus payoff is that you will stay ageless as long as you live. Engaging in work that you enjoy is the ultimate anti-aging secret. I guarantee it. There isn't a wrinkle cream in the entire world that can come close to helping you stay young.
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
In this month's Links section of the Put Old on Hold Newsletter you will see a press release "Women sacrifice food before cosmetics." It claims that according to surveys, "Women are not only reluctant to reduce their spending on cosmetics but when their purses come under pressure they are more willing to scrimp and save on food." Wow!
It's baffling that many women seem not to understand that what they eat and drink (or do not eat and drink) every day over a long period of time eventually shows on the appearance of the face and body. If your body were a book it could be said that you can tell what’s inside the book by its' cover.
Women will often spend a ton of money on external moisturizers but drink little or any water. I recall one woman who said she never drinks water -- hasn't done so in years -- she drinks diet Coke exclusively. She's very overweight and doesn't understand the connection between the diet cola consumption and the weight gain. There is ample research that indicates artificial sweeteners are linked to weight gain.
The cosmetics industry is huge and its advertising is massive. Marketing gurus have it down to a science. They know how to make us buy what we don't need or even want. And we buy, buy, buy, not because we are stupid, but because we are human and subject to psychological manipulation. Nevertheless, we do have the ability to make choices. We can say "no" and we can look for less expensive cosmetic alternatives -- they are out there.
We all have our favorite cosmetic products but the truth is that you can buy a lot of "beauty" for a lot less. If you are paying big bucks for a department store or boutique moisturizer, you can find something at the drug store that will do what you want it to do (or perhaps even better) for a lot less. Or even find something in your kitchen. Recently, when I put out a SOS for a subscriber who wanted help finding a good neck cream, more than one of you recommended olive oil!
A great way to improve the appearance of your skin is with fresh juices. Invest in a juicer. (You may still be able to buy a Jack LaLanne juicer for $99 and it works great.) Buy a big bag or carrots and a couple of bunches of celery and juice them. Your body will know immediately that you have done something wonderful for it, and if you drink fresh juice often enough, it will do more for your skin than any expensive cosmetic.
It's also important to take anti-agiing supplements. In Dr. Nicholas Perricone’s book, The Perricone Prescription, there are several pages of before and after pictures that show the effect of his three-day nutritional face lift and his 28-day wrinkle free program. Some of the "after" photos are remarkable. If nothing else, all the women look younger. The photos are testimony to the fact that what you put into your body matters.
Save money by not buying "phony phood" products -- chips, dips, so-called breakfast cereals that may contain more sugar than nutrition. If it wasn't food 100 years ago, it's not real food. Spend your food money on live food that will help make you look and feel better. You may just have enough left over to splurge on the expensive cosmetics you think you can't live without.
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
I stayed up past my bedtime :-) to watch the much touted Barbara Walters Special that promised to reveal startling new breakthroughs in the control of the aging process.
For anyone involved in the anti-aging movement, the first 45 minutes were a yawner. It's not new news that on the horizon are promising techniques and products to control aging: adult stem cells, carloie restriction, resveratrol, and human growth hormone to name a few.
Resveratrol, a product of red wine, is not new. I use it. What might be new, however, is that apparently there may be a way to make resveratrol more potent so that it has a more immediate result. That was good news. However, being the cynic that I am when it comes to anything the government might become involved in, I suspect that if a substance could really control aging to any significant extent, the FDA with the aid of Big Pharma would be all over it to regulate the daylights out of it, and perhaps even make it semi-legal, as in the case of human growth hormone. I can see another sanctimonious congressional investigation of anyone who would dare to use it.
What I did enjoy about the program was the last 15 minutes or so in which healthy centenarians were featured. It was inspiring to witness the reality that chronological age was not a deterrent to their ability to feel and function as they did years earlier.
There was one important element missing from the program that could have had a profound impact. While Barbara did mention that the lifespan has increased by 30 years (I thought it was only 27 years!) in the past century, there was no mention of how that reality could and should affect how our culture defines or regards stages of aging.
For example, we still define age 65 as elderly. If in fact many are living 30 years longer, does labeling age 65 as elderly make sense? Not only that, what does the "elderly" designation do to the psyche of a 65-year-old who is still, mentally and physically, in prime condition?
I can assure you, it does have an effect. For example, when faced with temporary personal setbacks or temporary health issues, that 65-year-old will probably chalk it all up to "Well, I must be getting old. After all, I am 65." That kind of debilitating resignation is fostered by prevailing cultural norms and it perpetuates the myth that 65 is elderly.
Researchers for the show missed a great opportunity. The could have interviewed a futurist such as Dr. Helen Harkness who, in her book, "Don't Stop the Career Clock" gave her new stages of aging based on the reality that we are living longer. I've shared this many times before, but here it is again because it's so significant. On page 75 of her book, Dr. Harnkess spells it out for us:
Young adulthood: 20-40
First midlife: 40-60
Second midlife 60-80
Young-old: 80-90
Elderly: 90 and above
Old-old: 2-3 years to live
If you wateched the show, will you agree that the Harkness model makes more sense than prevailing cultural beliefs about what is "old"?
I don't know about you, kiddo, but at 79, I am not elderly by a longshot. I am in my second midlife and plan to be there for a long time. I may not last to 150, but I am certain that if I last to 100, I will still be in my second midlife because I know I can make choices that will keep me from ever being "old" and decrepit.
So overall, thanks to Barbara Walters for a much needed expose of what's happening in the anti-aging movement. Hopefully it will in some way result in positive change for individuals who have the capacity and desire to take charge of how they live, regardless of their chronological age.
By Barbara Morris, R. Ph.
From someplace on AOL:
“Sit outdoors at a café or have a drink at a bar with a view of passersby and you’ll quickly notice something strange – grown ups in children’s clothing. While women are guilty of this sin too (pigtails anyone?) men tend to be particularly prone to wearing clothes they should have thrown out a decade ago.”
Here are the clothing sins men are said to commit, and the AOL suggested alternatives:
Sin: Oversize clothing
Preferred alternative: form fitting shirts, knee-length or just above the knee shorts that fit well and pants that suit your body type.
BM: I am tired of looking at hairy male legs. Please, let’s get back to long pants. Even more offensive are guys who get their legs waxed. Ugly legs are ugly legs. I don’t want to see them.
Sin: Backpacks:
Preferred Alternative: Messenger Bag (whatever they are)
BM: Oh pleeze, why not just carry a woman’s handbag. Males are already feminized with women’s necklaces, chains, earrings, and bracelets. And how about an ankle bracelet on one of those hairy legs?
Sin: Baseball Caps
Preferred Alternative: Tribies (whatever they are) or driving caps.
BM: Why wear a cap at all? Bald is beautiful. Or, get a manly haircut!
Sin: Jeans with holes
Preferred alternative: New jeans that fit your body properly.
BM: Wow! How fashion forward! How trendy!
Sin: Sleeveless shirts
Preferred Alternative: T-shirts.
BM: Whatever happened to shirts and ties? (Yeah, yeah, I know. Guys are glad to be rid of them.)
Sin: Multiple jewelry items
Preferred alternative: Single Watch
BM: Good grief, are men supposed to look like men again?
I don’t get it. Not only do many men dress like slobs, they look like they need a good soaking in a bath tub and a lawn mower to get rid of dirty looking facial vegetation. The preferred alternatives to prevailing sloppiness are band aids that aren't going to stick for very long. The decline in personal appearance is an indication of serious social decline. For example, I can’t believe how a man can be invited to appear on TV and arrive unshaven, rumpled and looking like he just rolled out of bed. There was a time when a man who showed up looking like something the cat dragged in would have been told to go home and get cleaned up. Today it’s accepted because it’s not politically correct to be judgmental. What ever happened to common sense?
Enough already! How we present ourselves to the world is an indication of who we are. Guys, it’s time to get back to BEING men. Try it – you may like it. Real women are tired of feminized males masquerading as men!!
But to answer the question, "Are Men Really Slobs?" -- sure they are. But it's not their fault. They were designed that what so women could try to change them. Real women love a challenge, you know.
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This article may be reproduced only in its entirety, without changes, additions or deletions and must include the information below:
Put Old on Hold Newsletter, February, 2007
© Barbara Morris, R.Ph.
P.O. Box 937 Escondido, Ca 92033-0937
http://www.PutOldonHold.com
Barbara@PutOldonHold.com