When someone says no to me, I consider that the beginning of our negotiation.
I am not talking about a personal no, given as a boundary; but I am talking about no's that come from a belief that something is impossible.
For example, if I ask if something can be printed in two days for half the price and they tell me no.
Then we begin.
And I have turned so many no's into yes's in my life.
So many impossibilities into possibilities.
So when my kids hear the word no and argue.
I'm proud.
My husband. Is not.
He thinks kids should:
Take no for an answer.
Not argue.
Obey out of respect.
Not question us and our reasons.
I think they should question everything we say, and understand it, and work us with everything they've got.
I teach them that when they want something they shouldn't ask a yes or no question.
For example, if they want ice cream they should ask:
When would be a great time to get some ice cream today?
instead of
Can we get some ice cream?
But that's not how my husband was raised.
He respects authority.
I defy it.
And I hope my kids will too.
(Sorry, honey. I love you.)
I just want to take a moment to acknowledge all of the students who have gone through the school. If that's you, you know what I am talking about. This school is hard. It requires you to show up fully and without distraction.
And student after student is doing it. Doing the hard work of coaching themselves, being coached, taking risks coaching others.
I am in awe of you all!
If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
Thank goodness you aren't everybody!
I love you guys.
Check out our latest certified coach's video. I love it!
Congratulations Laura Rosenberg!
I spend a lot of my day convincing my clients they are wrong.
They don't concede easily.
They fight for their limitations, their problems, their suffering.
They are so good at "doing" their problems, they don't want to give them up.
They have practiced them for years.
They have owned them like family heirlooms.
They have lead with them in friendships, therapy sessions, and journal entries.
It's hard for them to let go. To be wrong.
But eventually I show them that sucking at suffering is a good thing.
Letting go of expertise in specific long-held problems is one of the biggest reliefs to experience.
It's okay to be wrong.
Be wrong for your own sake.
When I sell a book, I make about $10.
Money.
I love money and I love earning it. Every single dollar of it.
But it's not what really matters to me.
Sometimes, when I sell a book, I get a letter from a reader.
Here is one I received last week:
Subject: THANK YOU THANK YOU
Dear Brooke,
So I usually don't write letters like this but if I didn't write you I would just never forgive myself. :)
Last night I was cruising Amazon and "because you looked at this book you might like this one" and up came "If I'm So Smart Why Cant I Lose Weight" and I was like "yeah exactly" So I went on and read the book description and thought "Hmmm" so then I went onto the reviews.....RAVE reviews. So I said "Well what is it going to hurt nothing else is working". Got it on my Kindle Fire and started it last night. I was then up till Midnight. Then got up this morning and after my niece and nephew were dropped off I got to reading again. My life is now totally changed. Eating for fuel.....finding out why I ate for whatever reason I did. I figured it all out in like 1 day. I am 37 years old.....been over weight since I was 10. Little by little it crept up and now I am 281 lbs. I gained a lot of it after my dad passed away very un-expectantly 7 years ago last month. I went on diet after diet since I was in high school. NOTHING helped. I would do really well for a while like you said people do and then I would go house-sit and be alone and go get food. Not hungry....lonely. But after reading (not even done yet) what I did today my life is totally different. Totally changed. I just can't wait to read the rest.
Everything you say in there is like you are talking to me. Eating for feelings and then feeling horrible (physically & mentally) afterwards knowing that wasn't going to help what was bothering me. And then today, when I went to get one of the kids I nanny for and the mom was very inconsiderate I said to myself "It has nothing to do with me....its because of how she is and whats going on inside her" and just went on about my day. And if that had happened yesterday I would have gotten so upset (inside) and then when I left I would have gone to get something to eat to "feel better" but not really in the long run. And leaving the house today I felt free and very controlled. It was a very bizarre feeling since I always took everything so personal and if I "felt" bad and nothing made me "feel" better than McDonalds or something utterly ridiculous. UNTIL TODAY!!!!
So basically I am saying THANK YOU sooooo very much for writing the book that is changing my life. :) I cant wait for the future.
Xo,
Michelle
There's no amount of money I would exchange for receiving this letter.
This is what matters.
To me.
It's one thing to make a decision.
In fact, making a decision is somewhat easy.
"I'm going to start working out."
"I am going to stop drinking alcohol."
Decisions like these are made all the time. (Usually when buying bikini's or nursing hangovers.)
But, often, as soon as there's cake or an open bottle of wine, the decision is unmade. Again.
The secret to keeping a decision is to have a collection of thoughts that support it.
Reasons that feel good. Reasons you want to think and keep. Reasons you keep thinking on purpose.
I can create the life I want. I am capable of what I want. I decide what actions I take.
And the second part of the secret is to monitor the thoughts that don't support your decision.
Thoughts like: Just this once. This won't really make a difference. I have no willpower.
It does make a difference.
Your decisions do matter.
Keep them.
The older I get, the more I love my family of origin.
They haven't changed.
No, really. If anything they have gotten more set in their ways, more opinionated about my life, more free with their commentary.
But, I have changed.
I have grown and expanded.
I choose not to be easily offended or upset.
When they start, I know what to do.
I choose to be curious and fascinated. Kind and amused.
It makes it a pleasure to be with them and visit for the holidays.
My kids love my parents in a way I wasn't able to at their age.
It is amazing to watch them have a beautiful relationship that has nothing to do with me.
Coaching has done this for me.
When anyone tries to minimize the power of coaching in the world by discounting it as a "soft" career, I think about what it has done for my relationships.
It has turned frustration to love.
And that is about as close to magic as I have ever come.
May your holiday bring you you bring your holiday magic...
I am at the Nashville airport right now, on my way home from working with Susan Hyatt.
Susan is my long time student, client, colleague and friend.
Each year we do a Weight Loss event together, but this year we are creating something epic.
As I hung out with her and laughed with her and talked to her about life, I was so amazed at how far she has come.
She is truly an example of what is possible.
She started as a brand new coach. No clients. Overweight. Frustrated and upset about many of the things in her life.
She now has a thriving practice, an ideal weight body, and an outlook on life that is refreshing and an amazing pleasure to be around.
We laughed so much and smiled even more. I must have looked into her eyes twenty times while we filmed and talked and recorded, and every single time all I saw was love, excitement, and knowing.
For people who just meet her now, it will be hard to believe that she was once overweight, tired and frustrated. But, I assure you she was.
She is now an author and a Master Coach, but more importantly an example of a life well-lived.
In her book, Create Your Own Luck, she says (in summary):
I want to be on the team that has the courage to go for it every damn time. The team that plays when there is still time on the clock. Fear of fumbling is a pretty lame excuse not to go for the biggest win you can.
I couldn't agree more.
If there's time, I'm going to go for it.
Every damn time.
Game on Girl!
How do naturally thin people know they're going unconscious in their lives?
Seriously.
I know I'm going unconscious when I overeat or eat when I'm not hungry. It's my signal. My reminder. My alarm.
Whenever I have even a hint of it, I stop and consider my mind and what I'm trying to avoid feeling.
I can usually find it. (I've had lots and lots of practice.) Then, I do my work to get back on track and conscious of my thoughts and my feelings again.
Now I hear the signal after about three bites of eating when I am not hungry. When I first started, I would become aware only after I had gained five pounds.
But how to naturally thin people do this? They don't overeat when they go unconscious. They don't have a signal as clear as an overfull stomach or weight gain.
I now know.
After years and years of coaching people from all over the world, I know that we all have our signals.
For some, it's drinking vodka. For some, it's buying stuff they can't afford. For some, it's sleeping with random partners. And for others, it's raging, cutting, drama-ing, overworking, cleaning, or drugs.
We all have our signal that we've become unconscious.
That we're doing something that will ultimately not serve us, in order to dull the vibration of being alive in this moment.
I love that food is my signal. What I used to curse, now I love. It is my consciousness creator. It's my gift.
What's yours?
The only expectation to have of your friends- is that they be themselves.
This is only for badasses.
This is not for the ones who want to blame their best friends for their feelings.
Have your friends tell you the truth about what they want.
It might sound something like, I don't want to come to your six- year- old's soccer game, or I don't want to go to that purse party, or I don't want to join you for dinner.
It might even sound like, I don't want to talk on the phone with you right now.
Let that be okay.
Let that be better than okay.
Require it.
Require that your friendships are not pretend.
Pretend is when you say yes when you mean no.
When you obligate and resent, instead of love and truth.
Let your friend forget your birthday.
Love her deeply, madly anyway.
Don't make it mean anything more than she didn't know the date.
Let her life be that free. That good.
And when she does remember, let her send you flowers and call you and love you.
Receive it on a day that isn't your birthday. On anyday.
Find someone who believes this too.
Someone you can be screwed up you with.
Someone you don't have to be careful around. Or worried about offending.
Someone who will still be themselves and send you a card even if you don't send them one.
And someone who will let you hold their hair when they are throwing up from chemo. Or drinking too much. Or getting pregnant for the fourth time.
Expect only that they promise to tell you no, when what they have is a no.
So when they say yes. You know they mean it.
Let them be who they are. Fully.
So when you love. It's not some nice nice version.
It's who they really, truly are.
I was putting together some videos for my students at The Life Coach School because we have this week off for Thanksgiving. I came across a fantastic one by Will Smith. It's about 10 minutes and I highly recommend you have a listen. He gives us all some great thoughts to think. Here is a sample of them:
I have a great time with my life.
I love living.
Greatness is not complicated.
I know who I am. I know what I believe.
Talent vs. Skill Where I excel is hours and hours and hours of beating on my craft.
Don't ever tell me there is something you can't do.
I want the world to be better because I was here.
There is no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A.
Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.
Our thoughts are physical.
There is a redemptive power of making a choice. Just decide.
Protect your dream.
You want something. Go and get it. Period.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5nVqeVhgQE