Double Happiness

Friends? Sigh.... someday, maybe.

2009-11-05T17:47:16-08:00

Even though they'll pose for cute photos like the one above, I'm starting to think our daughters will never be friends. Never, notinamillionyears, ever.

Gwen got in trouble at school yesterday for hitting Maddy. Hitting her then punching her!

Maddy was pretty excited to tell me all about it when I picked them up after school. As her story spilled out during our walk to the van, Gwen's shoulders slumped and her feet started to drag. I thought she mumbled something about Maddy telling her to do it but that just sounded weird so I changed the subject to something else.

Today, I met with Gwen's teacher for a different reason (speech assessment) and found out the rest of the story about yesterday's playground fisticuffs: Gwen's teacher was supervising recess when Maddy approached and told her that Gwen hit her. The teacher sent her back to Gwen to deliver the message that she should keep her hands to herself. Then, a few minutes later, Maddy returned to announce that Gwen PUNCHED her. Then Gwen got in trouble.

Little bells went off in my head because this scenario is Maddy's single greatest fantasy: To be the victim AND the police officer AND to get Gwen in trouble all at the same time. If she could articulate it, I'm sure this is exactly what she'd whisper into Santa's ear when he asks her what she wants most for Christmas.

Further digging revealed that instead of telling Gwen to keep her hands to herself, Maddy asked Gwen to punch her and, when that didn't work, invited her to "play fight". When Gwen threw a pretend punch that landed with a gentle 'tap', Maddy skipped off to tattle on her. Maddy confirmed that this is what happened.

So, who was the victim in this situation? The kid who was punished? Or the kids who was "hit"?

I think it was Gwen. She's not a Saint and she does her share of naughty things but I sincerely believe that she had no intent to hurt her sister and, in actuality, wouldn't hurt her and didn't hurt her. And she'd certainly never try intentionally to get her in trouble. She accepted her punishment only because she believed that pretending to hit someone was as egregious as actually hitting them.

Maddy, on the other hand, DID intend to hurt Gwen. She baited her into doing something that she knew would allow her to get sympathy and give her the extra delight of seeing her sister get punished. Something I find especially sad since Gwen has a tremendous amount of empathy for kids who suffer and especially hates it when Maddy gets punished.

I constantly reinforce the concept of "having your sister's back" and "being a team" and explain over and over again that I only want to hear tattling if the other kid is bleeding or doing something that will hurt them or another person. That's it. Period! I make a special effort not to reward the tattle-teller by punishing her victim but the tattling (99% from Madeline)still keeps coming. Sometimes screeched at the top of 5 year old lungs! So much so that, in the last few months, I've had to physically separate them every single time I'm not present in the room with them (when I shower, use the toilet, make dinner, do laundry, etc).

I always thought it would be so incredibly wonderful to have a sister so I don't understand why these two girls can't spend 60 seconds together unsupervised without all hell breaking loose.

I read lots of twin blogs and wonder if all that blissful harmony is because the kids are genetically related and have temperament/personality similarities (understanding that even identical twins don't have identical personalities). My girls are polar opposites in almost every single way. Each of them have strong points and beautiful talents but they also present us with some pretty intense parenting challenges. When I think about it honestly, I can't think of any areas where they overlap. Is this a problem? Do you think the differences that act as a wedge between them right now will draw them closer together when they're older? Gosh, I sure hope so because I'm an older mom and the day will come that the only family they have will be each other. (Okay, I'm not THAT old - but you get the idea)

Do your kids fight? Did they ever outgrow it?

I'll keep this post up for a few weeks then I'll remove it because I feel bad that my Maddy made some choice that caused her to be painted in such a bad light. Even though she deserves it, she's only 5 years old and she totally deserves a second chance (and a third and fourth chance too!). This blog could be here forever and I'd not want her to read this later and feel bad.

A happy ending

2009-11-02T16:18:17-08:00

About an hour after I took this photo of Maddy and the girl puppy in the backyard of our home (yesterday), both puppies went missing. Andrew found them on his way home from his weekly jog. We examined every inch of our 5 foot high fence and didn't see any place where they might have escaped. An hour later, we headed out to dinner and they were missing again.

We looked everywhere but there was no sign of them. We left our gate propped open and our side garage door ajar so they could get back in and have a heated blanket and fresh food and water waiting for them. But they never returned. This morning, they were still gone and we feared the worse. Three perils that await puppies: Cold, cars and coyotes. We figured it was just a matter of time before they fell victim to one of those things and it really tugged on our heart.

Coming home from our local park this morning, Maddy spotted a lady walking two small dogs so I turned the van around and, sure enough, it was our puppies. I asked her if the puppies were hers and she said they were. I asked her if she'd not seen the posters we'd posted EVERYWHERE and she said she did but didn't get around to responding to them before the dogs showed up on their own. She said she'd had them only three days.

Hmmm..... I found them on Friday afternoon so that didn't make much sense to me but I didn't quibble because I really just wanted these puppies to have a home!

And so they shall! A happy ending for everyone. Especially the puppies!

Boo!

2009-11-02T08:15:46-08:00

Sir Gwendolyn, Pirate Daddy and MaddyKitty take the shortcut through the a Flickr Graveyard on Halloween night. They're fearless, huh!

Well, not exactly. Some of the halloween decorations on the houses scared them and they were afraid to approach the door. More than once, someone was hiding in the bushes and jumped out and scared the kids. Pretty annoying, actually. But it was still fun and the girls had a great time! We used it as an opportunity to meet neighbors and put the word out that we'd found the puppies. We showed their picture to everyone but nobody knew anything about them.

We don't get many trick-or-treaters at our house because we live on a street where the houses are pretty far apart and more than half don't participate in Halloween. In prior years, we've been stuck with lots of left over candy so this year we gave away fistfuls of candy and succeeded in running out pretty fast. Phew! That's a good thing!

Here are two closeup photos of Gwen and Maddy's halloween costume. They were sooooo cute this year!

Found Puppies!

2009-10-30T17:36:49-07:00

On the way to pick the the girls from school today, I spotted a precious little puppy in the road. I stopped the van and approached him to find out why he was outside his home unsupervised. Then his sweet little sister wandered over and I was treated to one of the cutest sights ever -- puppies dancing at my feet with lolling tongues and wagging tails. All of a sudden, I understood what Donny Osmond meant back in the 70's when he sang about puppy love.

I wasn't sure if they'd let me pick them up but they were cool with it so I tossed them in the back of my van and stopped long enough at my house to deposit them into my big beautiful fenced backyard then hurried to school (almost late!) to pick up Gwen and Maddy. I told them about the puppies and they were quivering with excitement about meeting them. But I explained several times that they're not ours and we can't keep them and we have to find their family (etc and so on...).

God makes puppies that look like this for just one reason: To ensure the survival of the species!

Puppies are a tremendous amount of work and with all the barking and digging and pooping and chewing, who would want them if they weren't this stinking adorable??? Oh, and would you be at all surprised to learn that the kids ABSOLUTELY LOVED THEM!? Yeah, I didn't think so.

When the girls went into their room for nap, I started searching on line and found the Animal Shelter (where we'd take them if we were that kind of family and we're not - yet). They had a "found pet" form that I downloaded and completed and faxed back to them. Hopefully the family who lost these cuties will contact that place and find out that we have their babies.

While I was doing that, I noticed a certain SUV driven by a middle-aged guy and a younger blond woman that drove by my house more than once. They drove up the street, made a U-turn and drove past my house again. When they did this the 2nd time, I ran outside and waved my arms in the air and caught them on their return loop (their 4th pass) but the guy just waved to me as if I was merely saying hello and kept driving.

Huh?

I gave the "whatever" shrug and threw my hand in the air and he stopped his car at the end of the street but never backed up to me. Then he drove away.

He was obviously looking for something. An address? I don't think so. Maybe his dogs? Could be! My home office faces the street and I'm always aware of who comes and goes and I can say that this was certainly an anomaly. I won't be at all surprised if we locate the owners and it turns out to be them and we have a big laugh about this. But I can't help but think that they're idiots for not backing up and finding out why I was flagging them down as they drove past my house for the 4th time today.

Five minutes later, he drove by for his third loop (6 passes by my house!). I ran back outside and waited by the curb just in case he did it again - but he didn't. Or maybe he did? I don't know since I have a life and can't monitor my street constantly. Plus my kids were in the house alone and it's not like I could just stand at the curb forever.

I called my husband and warned him that our usual Friday "Date Night" was probably going to be spent posting "Found" posters of these pups! Since he's the most wonderful husband and father in the history of the world, he just chuckled and said "okay!".

Now to figure out what to do with these babies! I can't bring them in the house (cat would FREAK and I don't even know if their house trained) so maybe I'll take some blankets into the garage and keep them in there. The temps have dropped into the 40's at night and the little peanuts shouldn't be out there in that! Oh what have I gotten us into!

Here's a picture of Gwen lovin' on the two puppies. They played in the yard for a few hours then came into the playroom and played some more until they were frazzled and frightened and shaking and ready for bed (the puppies - not the kids).

I'd been busy in the garage fixing a cozy safe place for them and when I put them in it, they were SOOO relieved! Two totally pooped pups! Aren't they sweet?

Any Wii enthusiasts out there?

2009-10-29T09:41:14-07:00

We're gonna ask Santa to bring us a Wii this year but we anticipate that he'll have lots of questions. These things are not cheap and there's a mind boggling amount of games and accessories. I spent about an hour at toysrus yesterday and finally gave up because there's just too much to try to figure out and there's NO WAY I'm informed enough to just start throwing things into my cart. So I'll start by taking my questions to the experts. Um....that would be you guys. :)

Do these things ever go on sale?
Is there one type of system or is there a "plus" or a "2"? If so, what's newer (best?) and do all the games work with any system?
How many controllers do we really need?
What about chargers and other accessories?
Do you need something special to use this on a big flat High Def TV?
What games will my 5 year old girls really like?
Anyone have a Wii Fit (and use it?)

I might have more questions later! Thanks for any advice you can give us!