So why do we focus on making sure our sons will be "perfect" husbands? What about raising our daughters to be functional, well-adjusted, and mature wives? Like it or not, if you have a daughter (or daughters) she is watching you and your interactions with your husband. She sees every bit of passive aggressiveness, hears every put down and senses every grudge you hold. Personally, I don't want my daughter to someday enter marriage thinking that is how to be a wife.

But what do I want her to know about being a wife? What do I want for her to learn from my example? Those are questions that will require a very personal answer from each mother out there. For my own daughter, here are a few things I hope to be able to teach her.

Ask for what you want. Don't hint, don't cajole, don't pout and don't demand. Speak your mind. Give your reasons if needed.Your husband wants to please you, he wants to be your hero. You're not a weakling just because you can't open the pickle jar. You're not clingy just because you would rather he stayed home with you on Saturday night. Just ask.

Be forgiving. Your mother-in-law probably tried to raise the perfect husband but there is no such thing. You are not perfect and neither is he! For every little thing about him that bugs you, there is something about you that bugs him. Love him for his faults as well as his strengths. When he offends you, forgive him. When he's a stupid oaf, forgive him. When he forgets, forgive him.  And once he is forgiven, do not bring up the offense again.

Never speak badly about him in front of others. My mother always told me that woman who speaks unkindly about her husband in front of others says more about her character than about his. (Think about this one ladies, if my daughter hears me belittle my husband to someone, she's not hearing it through the ears of a wife but through the ears of a daughter! That's her father I'm talking about! How hurtful do you think that is to her?) Be complimentary and full of praise for him. If you can't, what was that our mother's taught us? "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" Address your grievance about him to him, in private.

Love him unconditionally. Love him through the good times, love him even more through the bad times. Be proud of him. Love him when he is unlovable, there will be times when you are unlovable, too. Support his dreams and trust in him.

It's no coincidence that each of these ideals hearken back to what we call "the Golden Rule": Treat others the way you want to be treated. So simple, yet so profound and ultimately wise!

Have you thought of what you want your daughter to know about being a wife? Please share them with us in the comments!

photo credits: vancity197, IceyCold87

Today we take a look at two final tips for making your relationship with your MIL a little easier to handle. (Read Part One here.)

4. Be specific. More than likely, in time, you’re going to have to have some sort of conversation with your husband that starts like this: "Your mother never… or Your mother always…" Superlatives will get you nowhere, so just go ahead and get rid of them. If you’re having a tough time with your mother-in-law, be specific. For example: "It bothers me when your mother doesn’t have our children brush their teeth in the morning after a sleepover." Let your husband know what bothers you, then talk to your mother-in-law yourself. Don’t text her. Don’t e-mail her for goodness sakes. Get some cojones and talk to her face to face. It’s the old "Do Unto Others." If something you were doing really bothered your daughter-in-law, especially something that was easy to remedy, like brushing teeth, wouldn’t you want her to mention it? Your MIL will probably appreciate your forthrightness, too.

5. Not gonna change her. If a woman’s first mistake is looking past a man’s faults in the hopes that he’ll change after they walk down the aisle, her second is assuming that she can change her mother-in-law. No way, no how, this ain’t gonna happen. So give it up. Think of it this way: how do you feel about breast vs. bottle? If she takes a hard stance the other way, showing you research, talking to you about the pros and cons, really trying to sway you to her point of view, are you going to change your mind? (Seriously, that’s just rhetorical.) No, you’re not going to change your mind because you can think for yourself and you have very good reasons for believing the way you do. Life is like this one little issue. We all have years of input and experiences that shape us. So do our mothers-in-law. Understand that sometimes you will just have to agree to disagree and move on.

Putting these ideas into practice can help you if your main differences are differences of opinion, or style, and in the fundamental aspects of life, you are all on the same page. Theoretically, this shouldn’t be too tough, since you’re married to her son, but man, oh man, it doesn’t seem to be that easy, does it?

If you are in a difficult situation, with someone who doesn’t respect your marriage, your ideals, or any number of other things about you, it’s a tough road. I am in no way suggesting that doing these things will dramatically improve your relationship with such a mother-in-law. It can’t help you fix in-laws who buy your kids too much stuff or never buy your kids stuff; have a different value &/or belief system; or don’t have any interest in playing with your kids. Recognizing that a MIL like that is simply human, and different, won’t necessarily help you feel one iota better. It might, however, help you to be a little more generous with empathy when it’s your turn, and perhaps that’s the best you can hope for. And your future daughter-in-law sure will appreciate it!

photo credits: mckaysavage, Fred Hsu, Tobyotter

No, no, not me! That’s not my sentiment. (Hello, Mother-in-Law, Faithful Reader that you are.) But it’s a sentiment that’s echoed daily in women’s circles. When it comes to the women who raised our husbands, there’s rarely middle ground. Sometimes it starts out that way. As newlyweds, we try to embrace one another’s families. We put on our manners, our best game face, and avoid discussing "hot button" topics. We try, as new wives, we really do. But in time, we discover that people are people. There are bound to be disagreements.

Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, they’re here to stay. And we should be glad for that—because if all goes well, one day we’ll be  the mother-in-law. M-I-L’s to-be, that’s us. Needless to say, it’s to our benefit to figure out how to live with them. Not literally, of course (!), but to survive, and even thrive, as part of the same family.

Today we'll look at three of five tips to keep the family waters calm and to keep you from tipping over her canoe when they’re not.

1. Keep a journal of the good, bad and the ugly. There’s no teacher quite like experience, right? Understanding how you feel, as the wife, while you’re in the thick of it can help you be a better MIL later. Write down how you feel in different circumstances. Keep a list of ways that your MIL handles things really well. What did she say? What did she do? Keep track, too, of things that are difficult—be sure to explain to yourself how and why you feel the way you do. It seems so obvious now, but in fifteen or twenty years it won’t be so clear. Having a journal to refer to—sort of a "Guide to Being the MIL I Want to Be"—can help you sort things out when you’re on the other side.
2. We come in all shapes and sizes. And we come with all sorts of opinions, habits, and personality quirks. I, for example, like all of the handles on my coffee mugs to face the same way. Weird? Maybe. What does it mean that I like my coffee mug handles lined up like soldiers? I don’t know, but it sure doesn’t mean I don’t have better things to do. And it doesn’t mean my way is the right way. It doesn’t mean anything, perhaps, other than that I like order. But it could lead to all sorts of conflict. Repeat after me: It’s not my way or the highway. It’s not my way or the highway. This mantra seems silly, but if you are two birds of a different feather, understanding that her way is just different, not wrong, will help you get through the day.
3. She’s doing her best. Unless you’re in an unusually dysfunctional situation, your MIL did the best she could when she raised your husband, and now she’s doing her best to be a good MIL to you. Granted, her idea of “best” may be vastly different from your idea of “best” (put that wish list away, ladies), but she’s trying, just like you are trying. Give her the benefit of the doubt and recognize that everyone makes mistakes from time to time.

We'll continue this tomorrow with two more tips on navigating the waters of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

photo credits: Beachcomber1954 and blhphotography

This post was submitted by Kirsetin.

Everybody and their kid has a digital camera these days. And they have become so portable that everybody and their kid brings it along for everything. So chances are there will be dozens of personal cameras at your wedding snapping all sorts of fun, candid moments.

But how do you get those pictures short of tracking everyone down via e-mail, Facebook & Twitter over the next five years begging to get the shots they took of your wedding?

Providing disposable cameras at a wedding reception used to be all the rage, but in this digital age, collecting all those half used cameras and taking them somewhere to be developed just seems to be, so last decade.

That's why it's Canditto to the rescue!

• Guests remove the CF card from their camera, insert it into the appropriate slot on the Canditto and the Canditto downloads the last 8 hours worth of pictures. Nothing is altered or erased. Guests then simply remove their card and put it back in their camera. Voila!
• You keep 2 identical thumb drives full of pictures taken at all your wedding events. Immediately, no waiting, the thumb drives are yours to keep.
• Canditto rentals are for a whole week, so photos from your pre-wedding activities, like rehearsal dinner, and any post wedding activities, like day after brunches, can all be downloaded into the Canditto.
• Shipping, both ways, is FREE!

Be on the look out for a hands on review of the Canditto later this month!

Step one- Desire and Arousal or Arousal and Desire

Desire does not always precede arousal. Often times if you give yourself a chance to explore the purely physical sensations of scent and touch, the body itself will open up by itself to desire. Many a night, we have a pre-set agreement for an intimate rendezvous and I arrive exhausted with no desire in sight. This is where love oil comes in. Scent is experienced by the olfactory and registered in the limbic part of the brain- where memory, emotion and sexuality is waiting to be stirred. Discovering desire is about waking up arousal, it is lighting the fuse. For me it feels like a process of falling deep into my body, a journey that awakens feelings of a thousand tiny fireworks just under the skin. Each and every time, I take this journey of arousal, I realize again how cutoff I am from really feeling my body through most of my day. Good sex should always begin with this journey, where the goal is learning to feel everything.

Step two- Exploring fantasy

The body is now awake, so whether you have private fantasies that you would never repeat or enjoy visual candy in books or video together, or actually plan out and try on roles together, healthy sexuality lets us abandon our normal reasoning self for brief moments to let the bodies cravings lead the mind. Whether orgasm is easy or challenging to achieve has a lot to do with your ability to let go and experience the odd and fascinating part of being a sexual human. Experiencing the pleasure of intimate touch without any fear of being somehow abnormal (which pretty much most people fear about their sexual selves at some point…) is how you move towards orgasm. You can’t demand it, you can only make room for it. This is the place to experiment, see how different tactile surfaces and vibrations change and enhance your experience…. the flame builds.

Step three- Penetration and Lubrication

I never pull out the lubricant until I can’t stand it anymore, until I can’t wait another minute. It wouldn’t do its job in step one or step two, it wasn’t made for those places- it relies on your imagination and your willingness to do its job. Accepting anyone into you as deeply as intercourse provides for is a sacred and life changing moment. Lubrication eases the entry and creates a dynamic smooth gliding of tissue against tissue. Healthy lubricant ingredients not only soothe and heal during their use, but also build the elasticity and integrity of the tissue over time. There is nothing more explosive and deeply satisfying than sharing the fireworks of deep intimacy and connection of our most private selves.

So take the holiday to make your own fireworks and don’t hurry to the explosion- lighting the spark and fanning the flame are what makes the light in the sky so exciting.

photo credits: aurileide alves, foxiq, Melvin Muñoz

This post was submitted by Wendy Strgar.

The shoes worn by brides at weddings are as varied as the dresses that are chosen. Some want comfort, some want high fashion, some want both. Brides have worn everything from ballet slippers, to stilettos, to flip-flops to sneakers.

Places like Zappos offer a whole line of wedding shoe choices. Some brides wear the coveted Manolos while others (like myself) find wedding shoe happiness from Payless!

I recently discovered that one of my favorite shoe companies, OKA b., has a bridal shoe collection. These "Juliet" shoes are adorable:

The bridal collection is offered mainly in white & ecru colors but OKA b. also has other shoes in a wide variety of colors and styles that could work for a bride or her attendants. For instance, the "Malia" shoe (my personal favorite, can you guess why?) in platinum would be a very fun shoe for a bride who wants simple, comfortable elegance or for her attendants who want cute, affordable shoes that they'll wear again.

Another great company to get high fashion, comfortable shoes from is Crocs. Yes, I said Crocs! I'm wearing a pair of YOU by Crocs shoes in my sister's wedding this summer (sadly that particular pair has been discontinued but I can assure you they are fabulous and comfortable!). This pair, in pale gold, would make a great wedding shoe and could be worn again for other functions.

If you are planning a wedding what are you looking for in a shoe? If you've walked down the aisle before, what was your choice?

photo credits: Benjamin Earwicker, OKA b. and Crocs

Wedding season gives birth to wedding anniversary season. Chances are you or many people you know have anniversaries from May through September. Ours is July 29th.

How do you celebrate your anniversary? Do you do something ultra special every year or save the elaborate celebrations for "milestone" anniversaries? Does your celebration change from year to year or do you stick with an tried and true standard, like going to the same restaurant? Do you even remember your anniversary?

Chances are, after a few years of Wedded Bliss, you get a scene like this as experienced by Moosh in Indy!

Our celebrations usually consist of a date night that includes dining at a nice restaurant and possibly a movie if there's one out that we want to see. We've done the bed & breakfast thing and we've done the trip thing as well. I really like going on trips! For our tenth anniversary, we went to Chicago. And for our thirteenth, we went to New Orleans. Both are cities I had never been to before or spent much time in (other than airports & drive-by site seeing during other trips).

This year, well…it will be "one of those years" where we celebrate quietly and modestly, possibly in the comfort of our own home. But that's OK because all that really matters is that fourteen years later, we'd still do it all over again and that we are more love than we were the day we married. And hopefully, many, many years from now we will still be holding hands.

photo credits: Dawn Allynn, makelessnoise

That is what Dr. Noelle Nelson has written about her in her book, Your Man is Wonderful: How to Appreciate Your Partner, Romance Your Differences, and Love the One You've Got. And to go along with the book, there is a fun contest with a great prize! (A $1000 travel voucher to be used for a romantic getaway!)

In the Toad to Prince contest, we will equip you with five proven suggestions for how you can rediscover the Prince you fell for from Dr. Noelle Nelson’s book Your Man Is Wonderful. Your job is to pick just ONE of her suggestions, put it into practice for a week in your life, and then share with us what happened. You will be amazed at how just one week can give you a jumpstart on improving your relationship – from not-so-hot to considerably better, from good to great, from great to fantastic.

Now the contest ends on June 30 July 31*, 2009, so if you're going to do this, do it now! Take a moment to go over to the contest site and read what it's all about. Then come back here and tell me which of the five suggestions you think would be most beneficial to your marriage. Personally, I'm going to do the first one, "Catch your man in the act of doing something right!" I know that I can be entirely too critical of the way things are done around here, so I'm going to work on appreciating his efforts to be helpful instead of criticizing them!

Here's a link to Dr. Nelson's interview on The Early Show on CBS.

*Update: Contest has been extended to July 31, 2009. Now  you have a little more time to try out some of those suggestions, start a transformation & maybe win some travel vouchers!!

photo credit: LittleMan

Navigating intimacy in marriage is tricky business. Unfortunately, as humans, we are continually changing. This is even more noticeable in women especially if you're a woman who is, will become or has been pregnant.

I most often see complaints about sex and intimacy in marriage from mothers of babies and young children. This is one of the most difficult times in a woman's life to be interested in and engage in physical intimacy with our husbands. Everything from sleep deprivation to body image issues to physical discomfort plague us.

The best advice I have for you is simply to be prepared. If you think about your intimate times, you can pretty much pinpoint when they are going to happen. Yes, there will be spontaneous interludes from time to time but more often than not, we fall into a fairly regular pattern of lovemaking. For example, if your husband travels a lot you probably find yourselves having sex right before he leaves and soon after his return. Or, if you are both working outside the home, you may find that the weekends are your time to be together.

With that in mind, I give you my top 4 of tips for being prepared for intimate times with your husband!

1. Have lubrication available. If you don't already have a preferred lubricant, my suggestion is this personal lubricant from Good Clean Love. It's all natural and it works very well. Keep lubrication in your bedside table and have a second tube/jar on hand so that you don't run out! Nothing kills the mood faster or makes you feel more uncomfortable in lovemaking than vaginal dryness. And often times our hormones just don't want to cooperate with us so having this readily available at all times is crucial.
2. Get some rest. I know it's technically not possibly to "catch up" on sleep but at least get as much rest as possible before your lovemaking session. If you're looking forward to the weekend, get to bed at a reasonable hour for a few nights beforehand. If you have young children at home, nap when they nap for a couple of days. You want to be alert and awake, not yawning and barely able to keep your eyes open.
3. Take some time for personal grooming. Shower. Brush your teeth. Shave. I know this sounds obvious but I also know how long moms go between showers and shaving! I've been there, too. (Still am, actually!) This is really to make you feel better about yourself. Your husband may not really care since he knows what's about to happen! But we girls like to feel feminine and lovely. Even doing this the "morning of" is effective. This way you'll know that you are ready for kissing and touching and being touched.
4. Prepare your mind. Your most crucial sex organ is your brain. Take a few moments to relax, breathe deeply and let worries and stresses fall away. If you're thinking about the next day or a project or going to the grocery store, jot down a list so that you know you won't forget anything. Then, fantasize. Not about Hugh Jackman or the cute barista at Starbucks. Think about your husband. Think about the things he does to you that you really like. Think about the things about him that turn you on. His eyes? Lips? Hands? Remember an especially satisfying time of lovemaking between the two of you. By now your heart rate should have picked up and you're breathing a bit quicker.

Now you're prepared and in the mood!

photo credits: stock.xchng and Jyn Meyer

Last week, we brought you news of the new seasons of Amazing Wedding Cakes and Bridezillas. I was also given the opportunity to ask questions of David Tutera, host of My Fair Wedding on WE tv. David is a celebrity party planner and sees all the trends, knows all the tricks and can avoid all the faux pas of wedding planning!

Here is my "interview" with David:

1. Many of our readers are interested in "green" or environmentally friendly tips and products. What kinds of "green" wedding trends have you been seeing this season?

We all know about the "green" seed or potted plant favors, the sustainable paper invitations and earth-friendly inks, even "Green" caterers and transportation companies are becoming common, but what I am noticing as a trend is eco-chic products. I am seeing "Green" take a whole new direction, away from the natural and rustic and towards the fashion-forward and glam. One product I love is RuMe's reusable bags. They come in dozens of colors and patterns, and my favorite is their new metallic line. These make for perfect deceptively eco-friendly bridesmaids gifts or for a practical Welcome Basket container for out of town guests.

2. Many times grooms end up taking a back seat in the wedding planning due to the overzealous bride's need for perfection and control. What words of wisdom do you have a) for grooms who may want more involvement in the planning and b) for brides who are controlling all the decisions?

My advice to grooms is simply to voice your desire to be involved and have a say! Your bride will likely welcome the help and the second opinion. And if not, choose the few things that are most special to you, perhaps the tuxedos or the honeymoon and let your bride handle everything else.
As far as the bride, I highly recommend that you let your willing fiancé be involved. A wedding is about the union of two people and their personalities, hobbies, heritages and traditions…The wedding will automatically be more special for the couple and the guests if the entire day is based around both the bride and the groom.

3. I recently read a book (Wedding Season by Darcy Cosper) about a woman who had seventeen weddings to attend in about five months time. Being involved in several weddings either as guest or part of the wedding party can get pretty expensive especially in these economic times. What are some good ways to be involved in multiple weddings this season and not break the bank?

Unfortunately, finances can take some of the fun out of weddings, but there are ways to cut-back on wedding related costs. The most obvious suggestion I can make for this is to make sure you are purchasing a versatile outfit when shopping for your full wedding season. You can update the same look with different accessories for minimal cost. I also recommend that you prioritize the weddings you are invited to, making sure that you are fully participating in the celebrations closest family members and friends, but limiting your participation in the marriages of work acquaintances, friends of a friend and so on. Perhaps in those cases, you can cut out the weekend long festivities or the showers and parties prior.

Other easy tips include choosing the less expensive hotel option on the invite, carpooling with other guests and booking as much as possible in advance.

4. Speaking of the economy, many couples are feeling the crunch in regards to wedding planning. What trends and creative ideas have you seen in weddings that make the day special and pleasant but don't blow the budget?

One money saving tip that many brides are using is to reuse elements from their ceremonies in their receptions, and from their receptions to their farewell brunches. Often, the chuppah or alter arch will be reused later as a décor element over the sweetheart table, while low arrangements and cocktail pieces are stored in a cool area overnight and used to decorate the brunch tables the next morning.

Smaller tips include opting for one framed menu card per table, instead of one per place setting, having the mothers or grandmothers get involved by baking the favors instead of purchasing them, and creating a monogram out of carnation petals on the aisle in place of an expensive hand painted runner.

5. Back to that book (Wedding Season) for a moment. One continuing theme was the color of the bridesmaids dresses. Every wedding the protagonist was involved in included a dress in some shade of orange. Is there a particular color or family of colors that is popular this season?

I would say that I am seeing a lot of purple, in every shade, from a light and grayish heather to a deep, dark plum.

6. What about songs? Wedding songs seem to trend and then fade. Which songs are enjoying wedding popularity these days and what is the most unique use of song you've seen in a wedding ceremony?

The trend I am seeing a lot now is that couples are choosing songs that really capture their own style or memories together, they are no longer feeling confined to traditional music. The most unique song I have ever seen at a wedding ceremony was "Got Money" by rapper 50 Cent at one of the ceremonies on my show My Fair Wedding. I didn't interject because it meant something to the couple, and it worked!

7. My sister is getting married this summer and her dress was designed with pockets in it. This led to a discussion about what a bride would need pockets for. We assumed tissues, maybe lipstick and/or a compact, possibly a cell phone if the bride felt the need to update her Twitter or Facebook status during the wedding. Anything else brides are putting in their wedding dress pockets? Also, the wedding dress pocket is a new phenomenon to me, how long has this been a trend?

As many wedding dress fashions do, this trend came right from the high-fashion world, and I have noticed it more recently the past few seasons. Although I wouldn't want to see any of my brides photographed with their hands in their pockets, it really is convenient for lipstick or lip balm, tissues, safety pins a mini mirror or a copy of their vows!!!

8. On the subject of Twitter and Facebook. I've seen many people using social media in regards to their wedding planning. Some create Facebook events as a way to invite and have attendees RSVP. Others have used Twitter and blogs to keep friends and family in the know about plans, travel arrangements, updates and to, of course, post pictures. Do you have any social media etiquette tips for couples? What's the most creative use of social media you've seen a bride and groom use?

The idea of a wedding website is growing on me more and more as I really see it as a great vehicle for sharing both practical and personal information. Many couples post their versions of how they met along with pictures of their journey. It is also a practical place for hotel and travel options and weekend-long festivity information. On the subject of etiquette, this is the only acceptable place to list the stores at which you are registered. Social applications like Facebook make sense to many young couples because their group of friends is already using it everyday. The most creative uses I am seeing for these types of media applications is the couple actually allows those who log on to vote on elements of the wedding like the honeymoon destination, or even the bridesmaid most likely to fight for the bouquet!

9. One final question, everyone's favorite part of the reception is the cake. Wedding cakes have come a long way since the days of columned tiers and plastic stairs and fountains and a little plastic bride & groom on the top. Wedding cakes can also be a large expense. When it comes to choosing and ordering a cake, do you tend to advise couples to be frugally minded or is this an item that deserves extra attention in the budget?

The wedding cake is often thought of as the highlight of the receptions décor. For this reason, many couples will break the bank on elaborately designed and deliciously baked cakes. One great money saving tip is to ask your cake-maker to create the top layers on a fake foam base then serving inexpensive sheet cake behind the scenes! This saves money and still allows you to have a cake cutting ceremony with the bottom layer. Another good option is to steer clear of the pricey sugar sculpted florals and place your own real ones on instead.

Many thanks to David for taking the time to share some of his expertise in wedding planning with our readers!