sex_ed_blog

02_27_09 -- Wash in Cold Water

2009-02-27T07:00:00-05:00

Use cold water when you wash your clothes. It's just as effective as warm and hot, but saves the energy used to heat it. More green tips from the iVillage community.

pregnancy scare--from the gURL boards

2009-01-08T00:00:00-05:00

xx_irish_rose_xx asks, "OK, so I'm not sure if I am pregnant. I haven't taken a test yet and we always used a condom but my period is pretty late ... Has anyone ever gone through something like this? Should I tell him now I think I might be pregnant, or wait until I take a test? I'm really nervous because if I have to get an abortion I want him to come with me and I'm scared he'll hate me and I'll have to do it alone."

What do you think? Leave a comment below. Or, if you want to join the discussion on the boards, go to the relationships & sex board.

do you talk to your parents about sex?

2009-01-07T00:00:00-05:00

When I was in high school, my dad sat me down to tell me that if I ever got pregnant, I should feel comfortable coming to him and my mom. I mumbled, "Okay," blushed intensely and immediately thought to myself, "Nice try dad. But if I ever get pregnant, I'll deal with it alone."

I knew my dad meant well and that he was doing what parents were supposed to by making himself available--but still, the thought of telling him something so intimate and personal just seemed utterly impossible.

I was thinking about this not too long ago as I was teaching a girls' health class. The topic of talking to parents about sex came up, and I was curious to hear what they had to say about the subject. Maybe in the intervening years, kids and parent had somehow bridged the communication gap?

From what I heard, that didn't seem to be the case.

Sure, some claimed that sex was a regular part of conversation at home, something they talked about over dinner, but a lot of others made gagging noises when they thought about bringing up the topic with the adults whose roof they lived under, and some hadn't really considered that talking to mom and dad about this stuff was an option.

Keeping in mind my own teenage reaction to my father’s attempts at conversation, I asked my class if there was anything their parents could do to make them more comfortable talking about sex. Some said "no" flat out, but a few others offered these suggestions:

Don't just bring up the topic out of the blue. Make it seem normal to talk about sex.
Don't bring up sex or puberty if anyone (including dad) is around. Make sure there is privacy.
Don't act weird about it.

That didn't give me a ton to go on, but it did remind me that while those who oppose comprehensive sex ed often say this topic should be discussed at home, in a whole lot of cases it just isn't. So unless the sex ed opposers are able to tap into something in the parent child divide that I've been missing, then good sex education in schools seems as important as ever.

What do you think? Do you talk to your folks about sex? If not, why? If so, what makes you comfortable doing so?

tyra "shocked" by results of teen sex survey. but how valid are her stats?

2009-01-06T00:00:00-05:00

A few weeks ago Tyra Banks continued the daytime talk show tradition of parading teen girls across the stage, grilling them about their sex lives and then acting shocked when they say things like, "I'm 13 and want a baby!" or, "I'm 15 and have already slept with 20 guys."

The excuse for this latest round of gawking was to discuss the results of a sex survey that the Tyra Show had conducted. According to these results:

On average, girls are losing their virginity at 15 years of age.
14 percent of teens who are having sex say they’re doing it at school.
52 percent of survey respondents say they do not use protection when having sex.
One in three says she fears having a sexually transmitted disease.
24 percent of teens with STDssay they still have unprotected sex.
One in five girls says she wants to be a teen mom.
About 50 percent acknowledge that they’ve hit someone.
One out of three teens has tried drugs.

Like Tyra, the audience seemed stunned. But I was skeptical. These numbers weren't reflected in any of the research that I have come across. For example, a study done by the well respected Kinsey Institute, found that only 25% of girls were first having sex at 15. This doesn't quite sound like the "average" Tyra claims.

Additionally, the Youth Risk Behavior Survey done by the CDC put teen condom use at 62%, not 52%. That same survey found that 35% of students had been in a physical fight--a far lower number than the 50% found by Tyra.

So what's up with the discrepancies? Basically, the quality of the research is to blame. The thing that Tyra failed to highlight was that all of her survey respondents were self-selected. That means the only people who responded were either girls who watched Tyra or those who went to her website. Any researcher will tell you that Tyra's method is not a good way to get an accurate sample.

What these results tell me is not what the majority of American girls are doing. What they tell me is what the majority of Tyra watchers who bother to fill out surveys in their free time are doing.

TV talk shows love to scandalize--that's how they keep their ratings up. But is doing it at the expense of teen girls' reputations acceptable? What do you think of the Tyra study and the impression it gives about teens?

Photo provided by Stephen Lovekin

my boyfriend complained that my vagina has a bad smell...

2009-01-02T00:00:00-05:00

Q: My boyfriend complained that my vagina has a bad smell. Is there anything I can do about that?

A: Yes, but does it really? I mean, all vaginas have a distinctive odor. If that's what he's complaining about, only thing you need to worry about are your boyfriend's hang-ups.

That being said, there are two common reasons behind odor not of the au natural variety: hygiene and infections.

Hygiene is pretty easy to deal with. Make sure to wash your vulva with water and, if you choose, some super mild, unperfumed soap. You never need to wash inside the vagina, or douche. Doing that can actually cause infections and odors!

Some people also wash or give their vulvas a swipe with a wet wipe before having sex, but that's a personal choice. Plenty of people are into the natural scent of the vagina and would be put off if a girl always smelled like a rose.

A more serious issue is the infection one. If you notice a strong, unpleasant or fishy odor, then I would say get yourself to a doctor to find out if you have vaginitis or an STD. Though it might seem freaky, keep in mind that most of the infections that cause odors aren't the most serious ones out there and they can usually can be cleared up pretty easily.

Good luck!

how long did you wait?--from the gURL boards

2009-01-01T00:00:00-05:00

strwberrywine11 says, "How long did were you dating your bf (or gf) before you had sex? How old were you? Do you wish you waited longer?

I am almost 20 and have been dating my bf for about a month. We are both virgins. I want to wait at least 4 months before I sleep with him and he's okay with that. I just wanted some perspective on how that compares with other girls' experiences."

What do you think? Leave a comment below. Or, if you want to join the discussion on the boards, go to the relationships and sex board.

gURLs sound off on sex ed at their schools

2008-12-31T00:00:00-05:00

Writing this blog has taught me a lot about the situation inside America's "sex education" classrooms.

Some of my knowledge has come from closely following the news on this topic, but plenty has also come directly from comments that you have left after the posts.

I've really enjoyed reading them, so I thought I would share some highlights with you:

ArielMeog says, "I live in North Carolina ... I can tell you loads of bull crap I got from the abstinence-only ed. It's the whole "girls give sex to get love, boys give love to get sex." They basically promoted the stereotypes that girls were weak and gullible while boys were unable to control their urges.

In my ninth grade health textbook there was a load of information on drugs such as marijuana, crack cocaine, heroin, barbiturates, meth ... very comprehensive information. But when it came to sex it was 'SEX IS BAD, YOU ARE GUARANTEED AN STD AND PREGNANCY. PLUS, IT GOES AGAINST YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS!' And I go to a public school."

Leah says, "At my school in Michigan, we get the whole abstinence-only education crap. Even our STD unit sucks. They basically tell us, 'If you have sex, you will get chlamydia and die, even if the person does not have chlamydia. If you wait until you get married, you will never ever get an STD ... even if your husband has one.'

In the entire program, (STD and standard sex ed) I never heard the words "condom" or "birth control"--except the first day, when we were told that we weren't allowed to say them. The sex ed unit was just about a bunch of pregnant girls talking about how much their life sucks."

Elizabeth says, "When I was in ninth grade, sex ed was taught by my health teacher. He was a football coach and did the 'sex is scary, giving birth is scary, and sex will make you diseased and gross' thing.

Miranda says, "In eighth grade (supposedly our "big sex ed year") it was kinda comprehensive, which was good, only our teacher was a big believer in abstinence until marriage and she kept talking about our virginity as a "gift to give to the right man" and other stuff like that.

Anna says, "We just recently had the annual 'AIDS Presentation.' It essentially told us this:

We push abstinence-only, because you're irresponsible
All drugs will kill you the first time
We push abstinence-only
People get high and get raped at all raves
The techno music at raves will make you start worshipping Satan
We PUSH abstinence only
If your boy/girlfriend shows any signs of jealousy, s/he's abusing you
WE PUSH ABSTINENCE-ONLY

I also learned that most of the, like, 200 7th graders at my school think that if a girl is the victim of domestic (dating) abuse, it's her fault. How sad is that? Really. It makes me sick."

Deanna says, "I'm in 9th grade, in Georgia. In 6th grade we began the 'real' sex-ed class and the teacher stated that abstinence was the only way to protect yourself from HIV/AIDS and she didn't mention that condoms would serve any purpose until I raised my hand!

Now, we are taught abstinence and a little bit about contraception. This year I was lucky enough to have a teacher who was straightforward and knew how to get through to kids. His stance was, 'Even if we don't want them to have sex, they're gonna do it, so they might as well learn how to be safe when doing it.' He was great. The only bad thing was he couldn't answer all the questions because of the laws."

Opheliasawake says, "My sex ed class was horrible. We went into great detail about STDs and AIDS, and then my teacher propagated several myths, including (but not limited to) condoms having a 30% failure rate and that AIDS arose from homosexual sex. I brought in an article from a scientific journal that demonstrated that the HIV virus came from a hunter getting contaminated monkey blood on his hands. She responded by making us watch a video from the Reagan era where a female AIDS victim who got it from a bad transfusion told us that abstinence was the only way to avoid HIV. She also refused to publicize the location of Planned Parenthood, where I used to volunteer. Not exactly 'You will get pregnant and die,' but close."

What's sex ed like at your school?

why are you pro-life/choice?--from the gURL boards

2008-12-25T00:00:00-05:00

sweet-acid says, "I just thought it would be interesting to see your stance, and one reason why you are what you are.

I'm pro-choice for a ton of reasons, but my biggest one is that pregnancy is a life changing occurance and I don't think something so wonderful, or horrible, should be forced on you against your will because others think a fetus is more important than you."

What do you think? Leave a comment below. Or, if you want to join the discussion on the boards, go to the hot button issues board.