HeartConnexion Seminars presents Paul Young, C. Baxter Kruger and Paul Fitzgerald sharing at The Shack Revisited Conference, May 21, 2011. Special thanks to Brad Hill, Dave Lingenfelter, Vanessa Kersting, Tee Walker, Jennifer Merriner, Dan McNight (pastor of Kaw Prairie Community Church), his staff and amazing volunteers.

All sessions are also available as audio download or to listen online through another post on this blog. You can subscribe to HeartConnexion Seminars on iTunes and get future updates automatically.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 1- Paul Young:
Paul Young, author of The Shack, opens the conference with his personal story behind the book's storyline. He also shares some of how the book moved from a simple project for his children to selling more than 12 million copies internationally.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 2- Dr. C. Baxter Kruger:
Dr. C. Baxter Kruger shares the theological understanding of the Early Church (Nicene) Fathers about the Trinity and Incarnation and it's parallel to the portrayal Paul Young built into The Shack. It's more amazing grace then we've appreciated.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 3- Dr. Paul Fitzgerald:
Dr. Paul shares the how internalized-shame often continues to complicate life even after we've found forgiveness for guilt. He shares a Compass of Shame Defenses that complicate healthy relationships and spirituality and suggests core elements for healing heart-wounds to live loved and love life.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 4- Q & R:
Paul Young, Baxter Kruger and Paul Fitzgerald give responses (not answers :) to Conference participants questions.

HeartConnexion Seminars presents Paul Young, C. Baxter Kruger and Paul Fitzgerald sharing at The Shack Revisited Conference, May 21, 2011. Special thanks to Brad Hill, Dave Lingenfelter, Vanessa Kersting, Tee Walker, Jennifer Merriner, Dan McNight (pastor of Kaw Prairie Community Church), his staff and amazing volunteers.

All sessions are available as audio download or to listen online. You can subscribe to HeartConnexion Seminars on iTunes and get future updates automatically.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 1- Paul Young:

Paul Young, author of The Shack, opens the conference with his personal story behind the book's storyline. He also shares some of how the book moved from a simple project for his children to selling more than 12 million copies internationally.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 2- Dr. C. Baxter Kruger:
Dr. C. Baxter Kruger shares the theological understanding of the Early Church (Nicene) Fathers about the Trinity and Incarnation and it's parallel to the portrayal Paul Young built into The Shack. It's more amazing grace then we've appreciated.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 3- Dr. Paul Fitzgerald:
Dr. Paul shares the how internalized-shame often continues to complicate life even after we've found forgiveness for guilt. He shares a Compass of Shame Defenses that complicate healthy relationships and spirituality and suggests core elements for healing heart-wounds to live loved and love life.

The Shack Revisited Conference Pt. 4- Q & R:
Paul Young, Baxter Kruger and Paul Fitzgerald give responses (not answers :) to Conference participants questions.

Video of Paul and Baxter sharing at the Kaw Prairie Church on Sunday morning after the conference. Thanks to Dan McKnight and the church for all there assistance in helping create a wonderful weekend.

Please share and pass it on to your Facebook Friends.

Don't forget that anyone who purchased a ticket to The Shack Revisited Conference has a $99 scholarship for themselves or someone they designate to attend BreakThrough 1. The next session is June 24-26!

Watch for information about recordings of the full Conference.

Click here to view video.

The power of fear to sabotage our rational thinking is amazing. Recently, I was coaching one of the BT community about some fears they were facing and an old personal memory came back to mind. I can laugh at myself now, but I can also vividly remember the "feelings" I had back there and then.

For various reasons, my mother was very afraid that I was going to get hurt and it would be her fault. Part of that was the death of several children shortly after their birth and then the death of my sister when I was seven years old. All my peers were signed up for Red Cross swimming lessons at the local pool so I joined them. Of course my mother was fearful that I was going to drown.

Father, help me to see when my fear is at work blinding me to your love and your guidance to some place outside my comfort zone. Help me to not identify You with my comfort zone and to know that following you may feel like walking through the "valley of shadow of death" but it's the path to wonderful places with You.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear - Mark Twain

In a recent conversation with Andre Oosthuizen on Facebook, I shared some of my journey to see internalized-shame as the significant barrier to internalizing grace.

Andre lives in Amanzimtoti, KwaZulu-Natal and has a wide-ranging ministry that is built on a “new paradigm” understanding about grace. The paradox is that this “new paradigm” is really the “old paradigm” of many Early Church Fathers that is now being recovered as the really “good news” about grace for guilt and shame.

Just thought I’d post my comments back to Andre for those interested in the larger “conversations” that are happening outside the BT Community.

Thank you Andre. Happy to share whatever I may offer to the conversation.

At about the same time you were pondering a "new paradigm" I was exploring a shift from seeing theology through a legal-guilt paradigm to a shame-grace point of view.... I discovered that shame is more of a dominant theme in Scripture than guilt.

In fact, I came to understand that guilt is really a learned response of shame about violating some standard. That is, the capacity to experience shame is an innate affect and does not have to be learned but guilt has to have a learned standard to violate. We can have real guilt with shame and are more likely to want to do some remediation. We can have real guilt without shame and there's little motivation to seek remedy.

My experience is that many "believers" continue to have significant unhealed "shame-wounds" long after they have experienced forgiveness for their guilt. Like Lazarus, they are as alive as they will ever be but are still wrapped in grave clothes that limit them from living loved and loving life.

They are led to misidentify their shame-barrier that inhibits them "accepting their acceptance" as "guilt" and are encouraged to "repent more" or look for something for which they have not "fully repented." Seeking more forgiveness does not work we are set up to use performance-religion to work on getting "closer to God." Since whatever pattern performance-religion offers, and there are many variations, does not work to heal shame, it increases shame and sets up guilt about "not doing enough" or not doing the practices "right enough."

 So many believers deal with "false guilt" that is really unhealed internalized-shame that condemns us through our shame-based conscience. Many of us assume is that our "conscience" is somehow neutral and unaffected by how we were raised and our heart-wounding life experiences. As children, the Disney character Jiminy Cricket, taught many of us to trust our conscience. However, our conscience is significantly shaped by the way shame was used by parents, teachers, and churches to influence our moral outlook on life.

Our shame-based conscience may sound like the voice of God and condemn us when there is no condemnation. Which of us raised in very conservative families know that many the prohibitions they taught are not wrong at all, yet we still feel a "pang of conscience" when we do them? Which of us who were raised in a very permissive family have not been frustrated when spiritual communities imply that belonging requires developing "convictions" about things that we're quite sure don't matter?

Well, I diverge from sharing a simple thank you.

Frequently, I have requests for reading suggestions related to some subject I've shared about shame, grace, Scripture, etc. Some people are even curious about what I'm reading these days.

Wonder no more; instead, check out HCM's Amazon Store with recommendations from Dr. Paul and Susanna. Some are general reading suggestions and others are for those who want to dive deep but there is something for everyone.

In too many spiritual communities doubt remais a taboo subject. Pete Enns offered an interesting essay about the need for doubt as part of spiritual growth and maturity and it was reposted on the Jesus Creed blog.

It's funny what we remember from long-ago fleeting moments. More than 30 years ago I first heard a speaker say,"Wonder how atheists feel when they wake up doubting their faith?" It was said in a humorous way to take the stigma preventing young believers from discussing their honest doubts. In those circles, it was disgraceful to admit any doubt or challenge certain opinions - although we all did in secret. The comment created a safe place for an honest and stimulating conversation as well as a hunger for more of them.

Here's just a snipplet:

“Let go and let God.” It’s true—but “letting go” might be more than we bargained for. We must be taught, for we will not willingly go there ourselves. When we are not letting go, when we try to stay in control of something, cling to something as Mother Teresa says, that’s when God turns off the light and makes it dark—not because he is against us, but because he is for us.

Being out of control is another way of saying “dying to yourself.” When we are out of control, that is when God can speak to us—without all of the layers of stuff we have piled up inside of us. God puts us out of our control so that we can learn to trust—like Mother Teresa said—not “believe” or “have faith” but something deeper and harder: trust.

You can only trust when you have let go completely, when you don’t try to control. When we learn to trust God out of our emptiness, when God is out of our control—when God…becomes God more deeply in us—when we surrender and trust…well… we become liberated from our attachments, from our fears, and we learn to live with freedom and joy. That is the Christian journey.

Great prayer shared by Tracey Fuller whose BreakThrough continues to take her into more living loved and loving life:

Dr. Paul - I got the prayer below from Motivational Thoughts & Quotes here on Facebook. It screams BT and reflects so succinctly much of my experience in BT, obtaining the tools to finally untie all of the knots to free my heart and soul. I thought I'd share with you on this blessed day of giving thanks.

Love to you and Susanna!

We all have knots of some measure from time to time!!!

Dear God:

Untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, and the might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the "am nots" that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough!!!
AMEN

It's always good to hear that the impact of attending BreakThrough continues long after sessions end. Here's an example of one Laurie Johnson's continuing experience:

Papa is so good...I was reading 1 Corinthians 15 today and realized that I wasn't afraid of death/heaven/hell.

I realized that I wasn't afraid anymore because my perception of Papa had changed. When I thought of death before I pictured standing before Papa and hearing "You're not good enough. You didn't do enough." Now I see his smile and hear him say "hey girl I've been waiting for ya come on in..got a place right here."

Perfect love does cast out fear.

Happy thanksgiving..I am truly grateful to you and Susanna for helping me see what was right in front of me.
4ssss
Laurie

Remember the T-shirt Logo design contest a few months back? Well, as of right now you can order t-shirts and various other items with a variety of the winning designs submitted and more are coming.

And, it's just in time for the Gift-giving Season. Take a look at the items and let's see who shows up first with a new HCM logo item to an HCM event.

Thanks to Team Timothy members Michael Renner and Tee Walker and a big thanks to Brent Coonrod for creating the store and many hours of labor in getting it up and running.

Click on the logo or here to explore the store. We're open to suggestions for products as well as additional designs you want to submit.

Waiting for baggage to come up today, it suddenly struck me how everyone standing there was so somber and serious-looking. You might have thought that the fate of Western civilization depended on getting their luggage and moving on into life.

However, the flight arrived at least 15 minutes early. It was a great flight. and not crowded at all. Everyone who got off the flight was exactly where we wanted to be when they got on in Orlando. Yet, it was as if the weight of the world was on everyone's shoulders.

It suddenly felt awkward to be really happy to be in Kansas City.  When the conveyor belt stopped for what seemed to many to be an eternity,  blood drained from already worried faces. There was a begrudging celebration when it began to move again and everyone focused on the moving bags.

Brad Hill has been coordinating speakers at HeartConnexion's weekly Front Porch gatherin in the KC area.  Obviously, not every one living in the area can attend the sessions and certainly people you live in other areas can't take advantage of attending. The response to the sharing at Front Porch has been very positive and we wanted a way to expand the opportunity for others to have access to the information.

Last week Brad shared the theme "Living An Honest Life" and Cindo Chapko (who lives in NW Arkansas) prodded us to create a podcast so she and others could hear the information. So, we've done just that.

Here is a link to this first Front Porch Podcast http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/90483

You can listen online or download it to listen offline. We'll soon have it set up on iTunes so you can subscribe to it and automatically receive any new podcasts.

In the podcast Brad refers to a book by Robert Farrar Capon Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace. I have great respect for Capon's writings so I've included a link. Brad refers to Capon's understanding that there is more to the story of the Pharisee and the Publican (tax-collector = licensed thief) than "don't be arrogant." It is a story about the scandal of grace that Jesus is trying to communicate to humanity.

Brad shared Matthew 16:26 from The Message: "What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?"

Here's an exercise to personalize the question Jesus is asking. Take the following statement and fill-in the blanks as indicated and see what comes up for you.

"What kind of deal is it to get _____________________(fill in what "everything you want" might be) but lose being __________________________ (fill in your BT contract)."

Let us know what you think about having access podcast.

This may help get you in the Season's Spirit. This was a "flash mob" that produced a Random Act of Culture at Macy's in Philadelphia's Wanamaker Building. I know it's trite but THIS is the reason for the season. Enjoy.

via www.youtube.com

Approaching Christmas is different for me this year. Strange as it seems for someone who has been attending church for more than 60 years, I finally "get" the absolutely amazing meaning of the Incarnation. Maybe I'm just the exception but I think not.

Here ate two contrasting views. The first, a cartoon is an accurate description of the image of God that too many of us have been given - often by other Christians. The second, a quote that may require a couple of readings to take it in, describes the amazing challenge to get our minds inside the really audacious grace in the Incarnation of God.

Which one is closer to your imatge of God?

‘The first thing that must strike a non-Christian about the Christian’s faith is that it obviously presumes far too much. It is too good to be true: the mystery of being, revealed as absolute love, condescending to wash his creatures’ feet, and even their souls, taking upon himself all the confusion of guilt, all the God-directed hatred, all the accusations showered upon him with cudgels, all the disbelief that arrogantly covers up what he had revealed, all the mocking hostility that once and for all nailed down his inconceivable movement of self-abasement – in order to pardon his creature, before himself and the world’. – Hans Urs von Balthasar, Love Alone Is Credible (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2004), 102.)

Thanks P e r ∙ C r u c e m ∙ a d ∙ L u c e m by Jason Goroncy for the contrast.

Here's a win-win-win just in time for Christmas. Your friend or family member wins by attending BT, PVL, or YKT at a discount, you win by their growth and HCM wins by helping more people disccover they too can Live Loved and Love Life. Check it out.

"Dr. Paul, aren't you making a bigger deal out of shame than it really is?" Maybe it's my projection, but it feels like that question is one people often have after we've talked about shame. In fact, I don't know if it can be made a big-enough deal to really understand it's impact on our lives.

For example, how we personally experience shame and honor in our circle of influence will control what we define success and failure. Consciously and unconsciously, we seek whatever we believe to be a successful life and avoid being a loser. If we succeed we rarely think that it was "dumb luck" or "at the right place to fall into it." We generally feel that we earned it, deserved it and have some divine smile over us. Conversely, if we fail being successful, we experience shame and allow circumstances to define our personal worth and value.

Every culture has an honor/shame system that defines what "success" looks like.  Our circle of influence (family, friends, church, work, neighborhood, etc.) has one as well. It may look very much like popular culture at large or it may be very different [for example the Amish community]. Having tons of money, being a "household" name from fame ( sports stars, media/movie stars, rock stars to guru stars), having great political power are a few ways our American culture defines those whom are at the top of the honor scale. If those who have these benefits are the "winners" then logically, the losers are those who have the least of these attributes.

If Jesus is an “apostle to the shamed… that inverts the relationships of this world so that the first, last, the poor or rich, and the excluded and misfits are guests of honor.” (from post about Pattison's "Shame and the Unwanted Self), then it would seem to turn our definition of what a "successful life" looks like upside down compared to the vision of our American culture.

That's not news to anyone reading this. But knowing that and choosing to live an "upside-down" life and feel successful in doing it is another story. Here are few questions to ponder and offer any reflections you want.

What's your definition of a "successful life?" Would it be considered to be a "loser's life" by the standards of our culture or more "balanced?" 

What about the definition of a "successful life" in your spiritual community? Is it modeled on the upside-down values of Jesus? Is there a difference between what is said and what is really happening in the community? That is, are the least held in esteem or ignored? If so, what is your comfort level with what's happening?

Leo Babauta offers some "success" wisdom that sound pretty upside-down. I am not a Zen practitioner but there are certainly many views that overlap with the values that Jesus teaches. Here is some excerpts from his recent blog post "Why I Don't Care About Success"

"… the first problem with success is how you define success … is it becoming famous, rich, creating a world-changing business, coming up with an idea that changes people’s lives, helping others, being happy? So many people with values similar to mine would reject the traditional definitions of success: being rich or famous or having a best-selling book or creating a huge business is not all there is to life.

And those people are right, in my book. If all you’re striving for is money, you’ll do horrible things to get it. If all you want is a successful business, you’ll screw people over to get it. If all you want is fame, you’ll give up your dignity to achieve it."

"Whatever your definition of success, it’s something you’re looking for … something that exists in the future. It’s based on your desire to achieve something, your feelings that you’re not where you want to be.

That’s why the snake oil salesmen are so “successful” … they capitalize on the feelings of inadequacies that other people have. I think that’s horrible.

But beyond that, the trap of striving for this future “success” … it’s never-ending. You strive for more, and then when you get it, you strive for more again. You’re never satisfied. People who have a billion dollars, for example … they’re successful, right? Why don’t they stop trying to make money, then? Why would they possibly need more than a billion dollars? How can you possibly spend that much? They strive to make more because there will never be enough. They’ll never be successful enough.

That’s true not just of the rich, but of anyone who strives for success. Striving is a condition that doesn’t have an end, unless you give it uo"

"… Success isn’t about achieving something in the future, but about doing something right now that you love.

So doesn’t that mean I care about success? Well, sure, if you define success as whatever it is you care about, then of course you’re going to care about success. But then “success” really doesn’t have a meaning, does it? If it can mean anything, then it means nothing.

So forget about “success”, and just find joy, passion, love, awesome-ness right now, in this moment. *That* is a success you can achieve, without any self-help course, without any method. Just go out and do it."

Stephen Pattison is Professor of Religion, Ethics and Practice at the University of Birmingham, United Kingdom. Check out 'Shame: Theory, Therapy, Theology' by Stephen Pattison (Paperback... http://amzn.to/djRMYr

Dr. Pattison's chapter is focused on the psychological function of chronic shame. He identifies several liturgical practices and theological positions that may create more shame than the heal and offers some suggested shifts that could be a resource for healing. (My observations can be found at the end of this review.)

A certain level of shame is part of  the normal human condition. It can be created by seemingly trivial situations such as wearing clothes different than others in the group, standing in the wrong place, or failing to understand the rules of a simple game. Unkind and insensitive remarks are frequent sources of normal shame. It is usually quite brief and might in fact serve a good purpose to remind us of the choices we want to make.

Shame Factor 1: Shame: the Ugly Stepsister in the Church.

The Conference began with a presentation by Paul Young, author of The Shack. As more typical than not, Paul's public presentation was built around questions from the audience. The book also begins with what he prefers to call "Q & R"  instead of "Q & A." He jokes that Americans prefer to call it "Questions and Answers" but, being from Canada, he prefers "Questions and Responses" since he is not everyone's answer man nor is there a cookie-cutter process of finding healing from shame.

Having heard Paul speak on several occasions, there was little "new" in what he shared. If anything, I would have wished for him to have the time to share more about what has come out of his post-publication journey with Papa. Part of the delight in being with him multiple times is experiencing the genuine consistency of his personality. Everyone has a story to tell him about how the book has impacted their life and he has a great capacity to be present in they story they want to tell him about his story's impact.

His openness in connecting with people no doubt comes out of his recovery experience and deep conviction about the process of healing and an understanding of the preciousness of each person. More so, his deepening understanding that the essential element of the image of God in us reflects the relationship among the Father, Son and Spirit that is captured in his book.

At almost the last minute, I found out about the Shame Factor Conference at St. Mark's United Methodist Church in Lincoln NE. For the next few days, I'll be blogging about my experience and sharing some of my heart about shame and grace.

[Conference presentations in book form http://amzn.to/9uLUQ4]

Last evening, Paul Young spoke to open the conference. He introduced me to Wayne Alloway, Jr., Senior Pastor of St. Mark's. I shared with Wayne that it was an amazing line-up of speakers they pulled together for the conference. It was as if they had taken a survey of my library and asked those authors to come together for a couple of days in Nebraska.

Frankly, in my limited knowledge of what happens in the world, I don't think that there has ever been a more significant gathering of the leading shame researchers and writers in the history of the Western Church. That's a bold statement but shame is the "ugly stepsister" in the church world and in Western theology. Everyone intuitively knows it's present but no one really wants to drag it out into the full light.