In just a few days I will board a plane for the experience of a lifetime.  Last fall I was invited to join a Pastoral Pilgrimage to Israel.  An incredibly generous foundation provides an opportunity each year for 20 pastor-types to take a trip to the Holy Land to see the setting of the greatest events in history as well as experience a time of rest and renewal.  Our leader told us the plan for each day is "to do something, to do anything, and to do nothing."  Each morning we will meet for breakfast and then head out to tour a Biblical site.  Around lunch we will return to the hotel and we are free to do whatever we want for the rest of the afternoon...see more stuff, relax by the pool, meet local people, nap.  In the evening we meet for dinner and communion and call it a day.  The first week we will lodge at a beautiful hotel a few paces from the Sea of Galilee.  The second week we'll stay in a Catholic retreat center in the heart of the Old City of Jersualem.  I still can't believe I'm getting to do this.

As part of the experience, they strongly encouraged us to "unplug" as much as possible.  At first the thought of this freaked me out.  As time went on I began to crave it.  So I've made the decision to leave my laptop at home.  Mostly I am feeling the need to step away from e-mail and Facebook.  My plan right now is to ignore both the entire time I am there.  I admit I am still taking my Blackberry...might send out a Twitter each day just to say hello and let you know what I'm doing.  But I plan to leave it at the hotel as we venture out each day.  If so moved, I might find an internet cafe to blog out some thoughts and perceptions a time or two.  But compared to my normal internet addiction, I will be stepping away.  I'm going to try to breathe for a while in an unconnected world.

I do think a couple people on the trip who volunteered to be "trip photographers" might be uploading some photos to a trip blog while we are there.  If you are interested: www.2009pilgrimage.blogspot.com.

So what does the Mob have to do with all of this?  Last night I was busy searching Amazon.com and loading some electronic books onto my Kindle for the trip.  Lately I have been so interested in reading about Chicago's twisted history so I found a great book to take along called: "Chicago Assassin: The Life and Legend of 'Machine Gun' Jack McBurn and the Chicago Beer War of the Roaring Twenties."  I happened to be e-mailing a friend of mine at the time (see...internet addiction) and happened to mention my book selection.  She wrote, "Of course you are choosing to read a book about gun slinging blood and gore as you visit the birthplace of Jesus Christ.  Of course you are."  OK, it didn't seem so strange until she said that.  But oh well, guess that's just who I am. 

So I am taking the mob, leaving Facebook behind, and heading off to the Holy Land on Sunday.  Grace and peace to all of you.

Had a great discussion in my small group last night about what it means to follow Jesus.  When we are honest, I think sometimes we'll find that our response to the Gospel is so much more about our desire for a better life than a commitment to give our lives in service to God for the sake of others.  Don't get me wrong, I think our lives do and should benefit from following Jesus; but is that really the heart of what it means to be his disciple?

Recently I heard Craig Groeschel, Pastor of Lifechurch, describe 3 lines of commitment. 

• Line 1: I believe in the Gospel enough to benefit from it.
• Line 2: I believe in the Gospel enough to contribute comfortably to it.
• Line 3: I believe in the Gospel enough to give my life to it.

I wonder, which line have you crossed?  Which have I?  And is anything less than the 3rd line really following Jesus?

Jesus called the crowds to him and said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it." (Mark 8:34-35)

I've been reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and in it he writes: "When I was in high school, I seriously considered joining the Marines; this was when they first came out with commercials for "the few, the proud, the Marines."  What turned me off was that in those advertisements, everyone was always running.  Always.  And I hate running.  But you know what? I didn't bother to ask if they would modify the rules for me so I could run less, and maybe also do fewer push-ups.  That would've been pointless and stupid, and I knew it.  Everyone knows that if you sign up for the Marines, you have to do whatever they tell you.  They own you.  Somehow this realization does not cross over to our thinking about the Christian life.  Jesus didn't say that if you wanted to follow Him you could do it in a lukewarm manner.  He said, "Take up your cross and follow me."

In the words of one of my heroes of the faith, Amy Carmichael, Jesus comes to us and offers us "a chance to die."  A chance to die to our selfishness and limited perspective.  A chance to walk away from pursuing lesser things and a life of worrying about the unimportant.  A chance to no longer be dominated by our insecurities and hesitations.  A chance to take our eyes off ourselves and turn our attention to people and a world that needs our contribution.  A chance to carry crosses, cry tears, and sometimes work to the point of exhaustion.  A chance to let go of our life...and in the process find it.

And my guess is when we do find it, we will discover it is the life we have always wanted.

"If you want to be of use to God, maintain the proper relationship with Jesus Christ by staying focused on him, and he will make use of you every minute you live--yet you will be unaware, on the conscious level of your life, that you are being used of him."  -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Came across this quote today in a book I'm reading (Mad Church Disease by Anne Jackson).  I love it.  It sums up so much of what I feel God has taught me over the years.  That if we want to be a difference maker, if we want to be used, our greatest efforts should be on cultivating our relationship with Jesus.

Sure our own talents, efforts, abilities, and plans can do some good.  A lot of good.  But I believe these things have limitations in their impact when they are separated from a life of discipleship.  When the starting point is a heart that is closely connected and ruthlessly pursuing God; these talents, efforts, abilities, and plans take on an effectiveness that is undefinable but clearly recognizable.  And like Chambers said, I suspect the one being used is often quite unaware of his or her impact.

I had a tremendous opportunity this past week to share similar thoughts to these at Willow Creek's Conspire Conference.  Here's a picture of me teaching on their stage (very fun!).  They invited me to give the talk at the closing main session and I got to share from my heart that the greatest thing I believe we can give to those who are serving is a heart that is closely connected to God. 

There is a strange thing about speaking to a room of about 1500 people.  You really have no idea what is happening in their hearts and minds as you talk.  But my prayer leading up to the conference was that I would be able to do my best for God and that he in turn would do whatever he wanted with the words.  I am satisfied feeling like I gave it my best.  But I also secretly hope that God was able to use it to do things I'll never know about.  I hope I am practicing what I preach.  Because I really do want to be used of him.

This weekend we are having our second annual "Celebration Generosity" weekend at Community.  The plan is to give away our entire weekend's offering to 4 worthy causes.  Last year this amount totaled over $250K.  I can't wait to see what happens this year...and how lives will change in the Philippines, Uganda, East Aurora, and churches all over the United States because of it.

Generosity is such a compelling force.  Perhaps it is even more powerful during difficult economic times.  It's not just about the gifts given; it's about the attitude...the action.

Sometimes generosity is seen in what is not taken.

As part of our "Celebration Generosity" weekend, we sponsored 4 dinners so that people could come and learn more about the causes we'll be supporting.  Last week we discovered that we didn't have a plan for childcare at one of those dinners so a few of us scrambled at the last minute to recruit some high school students to help.  We found 8 of them who were willing to watch kids for the 2 hours and offered to pay them $10 a piece.  A bargain on our end, but what high school kid wouldn't want 10 extra bucks in their pocket?

At the end of the night my co-worker went around to pay the students their well-earned wage.  We actually decided to bless them with a little extra and gave each student $15.  They absolutely deserved the money, but it really struck me when my co-worker came back to tell me that one student donated her $15 back.  What a beautiful picture of this student's heart.  She gave of her time.  And then gave of her money.  It made me proud to be a part of a mission and a church that is instilling that kind of generosity in the hearts of the next generation.

I heard somewhere a few months back that the time in our nation's history when the percentage of charitable giving was the highest was during the Great Depression.  For all the struggles we are enduring financially, there is something really beautiful blossoming in the hearts of people.  We always seem to think it would be easier to be generous if we had plenty.  Maybe that's true.  But sometimes I wonder if the attitude and action of generosity actually flow more easily in the lean times.  Sure, the dollar amount may not be as great, but the desire to help one another seems stronger.

And so I am ready to celebrate generosity this weekend and dreaming of what God has in store. 

It's happening.  A stirring that began about a year ago is starting to have some definable steps.  And I'm finally at a place where I feel I can begin writing about it in public places.

I'm moving towards planting a new campus of Community Christian Church.

Last spring my heart started growing restless.  It was a feeling I'm somewhat familiar with.  Last time I experienced it I was heading into my 6th year as the Associate Campus Minister at Eastern Illinois University.  Then and now, I knew it was God challenging me to a next step.  Maybe I'm just someone that has a 6 year work itch.  I don't know.  But I do know myself well enough to know I need new challenges.  I need to be moving forward.

This journey started with some honest reflection.  What was I most passionate about?  What was I most gifted to do?  I read Marcus Buckingham's Go Put Your Strengths to Work to wrestle through these questions.  And I came out with 3 things I think are my "strengths":

• Helping people take "next steps" in their journey as Christ-followers.
• Leading a team to build something from nothing.  This involves dreaming and casting vision, defining a strategy, and mobilizing people to accomplish goals.
• Opportunities to influence through upfront communication.  Whether that is teaching a crowd or speaking to a group of leaders, I believe God has called me to have a visible voice.

Early on in the process my friend Tim (who also happens to be one of my bosses and my Campus Pastor) said, "You should become a Campus Pastor."  I shrugged that off at first.  I'm not exactly sure why.  Maybe it was because I haven't had a model of a female in this role.  I think it was partly because I do have some fear over the crisis counseling side of being a pastor.  But then this past summer I had an experience that snapped a future into view (more on that in a future post).  And I do believe God is leading me to this new vision.

So this past weekend Tim announced to our leaders at the Yellow Box that I am becoming his Campus Pastor Apprentice.  I will be in this role for at least a year as the steps beyond are explored and defined.  I'm really excited about it.  I can't wait to learn new things and hopefully add something to the leadership of the Yellow Box.

And I can't wait to share more with you about the journey as more of the steps become visible...

This is my Aunt Ruth.  My Great Aunt Ruth, actually.  She is turning 103 this week.  It is a sobering thing to realize that if this is in my genes I may have a very, very long way to go.  Maybe I should stop eating so many french fries.

I love knowing something is coming next.  Sensing that something new is on the horizon.  Ever since the calendar turned 19 days ago, I have been filled with an overwhelming sense that 2009 is going to be a memorable year.  Sure some of those memories already have decipherable definition...a   pilgrimage to Israel...the biggest speaking opportunity I've had to date... but I have the feeling most of what 2009 will be about is still unknown.  Yet, I find myself full of anticipation of something good.  Many things, actually.  Not necessarily easy things, but good things. 

Ministry things.  Relational things.  Opportunity things.  Growth things.  God things.

I think I'm an anticipation junkie.  I am energized by the unknown thing that lies ahead.  In contrast, when life is too predictable...too stable...I often find my spirit slumping.  I don't know if this is normal.  But my favorite place to be is on the edge of the unknown of all that God is preparing to do.  That place where faith is required and the future unfolds in raindrops of vision.  I love moving into that fogginess...discerning each step one footprint at a time.

The journey is there for the taking.

Last Friday I sat in the Cleveland airport for 10 hours watching flight after flight get cancelled.  Since it was a holiday weekend and all flights were booked for the next several days, there was no chance of me getting home to Chicago by air in time to teach at the Saturday services.  So early Saturday morning I hopped in my mom's bright yellow VW bug and made the trek by land through fog, wind, and rain to make it back to the Yellow Box.  For those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you might have lived the ordeal with me.  But today I am feeling like the entire thing was a bit of grace.  My travel headache turned into...

1. A teaching illustration that fit perfectly with the talk I was giving Saturday and Sunday.  I didn't like the opening of the talk before all of this happened.  I got back to the Yellow Box just in time to rewrite the beginning and ending and I think it made the entire thing work.  One of my co-workers said to me today: "My wife and I were talking and we kind of wonder if no matter what you did you were going to have to go through that ordeal for the purpose of that teaching."  Who knows?  Maybe that's true.  Regardless, it took an irritating situation and made it worthwhile to me. (If you are interested, the video of the talk is up on our church website).
2. An impending visit from my entire family!  Next week my entire family is coming to visit me for 3 nights and retrieve the borrowed car.  I've never had them all here at the same time...never anywhere I've lived for that matter.  I think we all decided this would be a good opportunity.  How fun!
3. A solution to a transportation need.  This morning I drove my normally problem-free car to work and the heat was out.  A little later the "Check Engine" light came on.  I left work a little early to take it to the shop and had to leave it there.  Still don't know what's wrong.  But even if it takes a week for them to fix it, I don't have to worry.  I just happened to have a spare bright yellow car on hand as a back-up.  What normally would have created a pretty big disruption in my life isn't even noticible.  Well, until I get the bill.  But for now I'll just be thankful for the provision.

Who knew that cancelled flights could turn out so good?  Kind of reminds me to roll with the other punches a little better too.  There usually is a bit of grace to be found in our problems.

Tonight is our COMMUNITY Staff Christmas party.  I always love this event.  As our staff has grown, it feels a bit like an annual family reunion...a chance for everyone and their spouses to get together to enjoy a meal, many laughs, and to celebrate another year of seeing God do amazing things at COMMUNITY.

Every year I spend the afternoon before the party writing Christmas cards to our Kids' City staff.  I have to tell you when I do this I feel overwhelmed by the incredible people God has placed on our team.  They are talented leaders who do a terrific job leading the ministry God has entrusted them with.  But more than what they do, I'm am so impressed by who they are.  They are the real deal.  Genuine people who sacrifice and selflessly serve (sometimes without much recognition) to make a difference in the lives of kids at COMMUNITY and the volunteers who lead them.  Here's a few things I see in these incredible people:

• They are all about the team.  I can't tell you the number of times I've seen them help each other out on a project.  They always have each other's back.  They love to go out to lunch together.  They care for not only the professional concerns but the personal concerns in each other's lives.
• They have no egos.  I'm sure that can't possibly be 100% true (after all, they are human), but I always see them making choices for the good of the team and the kids and volunteers they serve.  It's never about them.  A pretty impressive thing to observe in their lives.  And something I don't take lightly (mostly because at times pride is a major struggle in my own life).  I truly admire them for their humilty.  And I try to honor that by only hiring people onto this team who get this value.
• They have a "whatever it takes" attitude.  They truly get "leading with a 'YES.'"  They work many more hours than they are compensated for and do so with a cheerful and engaged heart.  They are driven by the mission. 

I don't take the opportunity to lead them for granted.  I know that sometimes being the "boss" can give people ulcers, but I can truly say that leading this staff team is an incredible blessing.  So "Merry Christmas" to the best Kids' City Staff on the planet!  I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with you tonight!