Unveiling Hope

I Heard You

2012-12-30T08:00:00-05:00

I heard you last night. Through all those tears and all the words you choked on – I heard you – I heard your heart. My desire has been to hear your heart for as long as I can remember.

Oh, I know you’ve spoken to me many a time. I don’t discount any of what you’ve shared, not ever. I realize you’ve shared before, you’ve confessed many things to me. You’ve cried, you've told me your dreams and yes, you’ve even told me what frightens you. But last night was different – you know it was too.

Last night you brought tears to my eyes. Somewhere between your disappointment, your fear, and the dreams you’re afraid to dream was your heart – stripped bare and surrendered to me for the first time ever. You spoke to me and then you waited for me to answer and you listened. You really listened! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to tell you how very much I love you?

You said that you’ve never been able to go to “that place” with me for fear that you’d experience so much emotion that you’d explode, lose control, even die a little inside.

But you went there anyway and you went there with me; you went there for me. You let me in to that place in your heart where only I could fit – a place where the only one ever meant to fit was me. Last night you gave me your heart and I promise I will not break it. You went to the place where I’ve already been for you.

I can’t promise that life will always be fun and filled with laughs, but it sure will be different. No matter what you go through, from now on, whether good or bad – we’ll always be there together. I can’t promise that you’ll never experience pain again, or that everything you don’t like about your life will be instantaneously changed for the better, but I can promise this: you’ll be transformed – from the inside to the outside. I’ll give you a kind of peace that surpasses any experience you may encounter. I promise that if you follow me, I will always be at your side – always and forever. I heard you.

The Beginning - Part V

2009-11-13T05:00:00-05:00

Even had I wanted to turn back, my feet would not allow it. They had charge over my entire body. My heart beat so loudly; it resonated through the ground. I was sure he could hear me coming. I was glad, but I was tentative. He was looking upon the water. Our spirits spoke to each other as I made my descent. His arm reached out slowly, his hand reaching for mine as if it was waiting for me. I heard a small still voice within me whisper, “Come to me. Come to me.” He stood and began to walk in my direction. I didn’t understand why, and I didn’t care. All I knew was that everything inside me wanted to run to him.

She was more resplendent than anything I had ever seen. She was ready. There was nothing more urgent for her than to be in my arms where she belonged. She wanted to run to me. I smiled at her, inviting her to take my hand. This was the moment I had waited for yet it was just the beginning.

He was magnificent. There was nothing left inside me to hold me back – I wanted nothing more than to let go – let go of anything and everything that had ever kept us apart. This was the moment I had waited for. My purpose, the reason for my creation, was unfolding.

She ran into my arms. I held her. I held her so tightly, tightly but gently – reassuringly. I wanted her to be confident in my love. I wanted her to know that, from this point on, I would never let her go. I loved her more than I loved my own life. I would lay it down for her and her alone and I needed for her to know that. I needed for her to understand that. Yet how could she? She was mine, finally. I’ll spend the rest of my days living to show her that I am completely hers.

I wanted him. I needed him. I knew as I began to run toward him that I had found the one I had been looking for. I had found what had been missing, what had kept me from being fully alive. I had no shame. I was spiritually naked before him, hiding nothing. I sensed that he knew more about me than I knew about myself. I felt loved, so loved by him. I knew he would have sacrificed everything, his very life, to express that love. I knew I’d never fully understand. I gave him my heart. I gave him my mind and my soul with every bit of strength I had. I knew, as I stood there, wrapped inside his arms sheltered beneath his wing, that I would spend the rest of my days living to show him that I am completely his.

The Decision - Part IV

2009-11-12T05:00:00-05:00

She picked herself up and began to walk in my direction, though she hadn’t yet seen me. I knew I would surprise her. I knew she would have doubts and wonder who I was. For a brief instant she would feel unsafe, unsure of herself, unsure of me, but it wouldn’t last. It was me she had set out to encounter when she began the journey. Ah, she noticed me. I pretended not to notice her, to give her time to process what she was feeling and thinking. Her mind was cautious. Her heart was intrigued. Her spirit knew me. Her spirit recognized me. Everything inside me wanted to run to her, to pick her up in my arms and hold her, to melt away every little bit of pain and doubt, to answer every question, but I knew I had to move slowly. I had to let her come to me and she would, sooner rather than later. The course had been set; she was already out of the starting blocks. She wasn’t about to turn back now.

I saw him sitting beneath the willow tree, on the bank of the river that had been calling me. My spirit longed to approach him, but my mind was tentative. Who was he? Why was he there? Was he waiting for me? He hadn’t noticed me. I was glad. I wasn’t sure about what to do next. Should I keep walking to the river? Should I say hello? Something inside me kept telling me that he had been waiting for me all this time. My heart was intrigued. Was it a coincidence that he just happened to be sitting there? I had never seen him before yet there was something about him. Outrageous thoughts began to overtake me. I wanted him to run to me, to hold me in his arms. He had this look about him – this ‘je ne sais quoi’ – something alluring, something enticing and appealing, that radiated from inside his spirit as if it was connected directly to my own. I couldn’t turn back now.

The decision was made. She walked toward me – tentatively at first. I could hear her heartbeat. She didn’t know it yet, but it was beating for me. It had always beaten for me as mine had for her. She wanted me to turn my head toward her, to meet her gaze but at the same time she was reticent. I respected that. I could wait a few moments more, although nothing inside me wanted to wait any longer. The earth sounded her approach to me. I looked into the water, restraining myself from jumping to my feet. She would know the exact moment of truth because I would tell her – I would tell her from my spirit to hers, “Come to me. Come to me.”

The Wonder - Part III

2009-11-11T05:00:00-05:00

I was breathless, but not out of breath. In some ways it seemed like the culmination of my adventure - something tugged at my soul – something I didn’t understand, but was about to. I knew it was just the beginning, perhaps the end of one journey but the start of a passage, an understanding, the fulfillment of a promise. I felt understood. I felt loved. Purpose was speaking to me, calling me out of the shell I had survived in. I felt like a flower, opening up for the first time. Someone was looking into me, seeing me, seeing in me what I never saw in myself. The unveiling of hope was revealing itself to me. I laid down in the grass. It was covered in dew, but I welcomed it. It made me feel alive. My spirit was alert as if it had heard something I hadn’t – a concerto playing for me, written for me and only me. It felt like a new beginning.

She wrapped herself in the grass. The dew caressed her with the tears of my love; the joy of my heart enveloped her. She lavished in it. It was refreshing. It was a moment I couldn’t interrupt. She’d come. This very moment inevitable. That’s why she had made the journey. I could wait a little longer; I sent my song of love to her, carried on the wings of the birds. My heart swelled at the fullness of love that was emergent in her. She had never dreamed of this kind of love and I wanted nothing more than give her everything I had to give. Gratitude began to fill and surround her – she would never know fully that it was I who was grateful that she embraced the gift I gave her – it was in the giving that love grew.

I felt satisfied and grateful as if the greatest gift had been bestowed upon me. It was in those moments that I realized that I had been walking in a shroud of weariness before I set out on this walk, before I came to lay myself beneath the sky. Heaven seemed to be speaking to me. I had never known this comfort. There were no words to express how touched I was. I wanted to stay there in that moment and never let go, but no – there was more to come. I felt strong, yet weak. I didn’t want to move but I felt compelled to get up. It was as if I had found a treasure map and had been relishing in the find of the map and not the treasure. I was overcome by tears. I had never known this kind of joy. Something was growing inside me.

The Wait - Part II

2009-11-10T05:00:00-05:00

Her fragrance delivered her before her shadow cast itself over the hilltop. She didn’t see me. She sensed me though. She began to feel mesmerized, captivated by a mysterious passion she would not be able to release without me. I was the key. Before her body crossed the peak, her spirit recognized my presence. Before she became aware, it was already responding to me, seeking me, longing for me. I had planned it that way from the beginning. Understand – my longing for her, my yearning for her, was far greater and overwhelming than hers for me. There was something about her, a combination of virtues and values that were unique to her. Her heart wasn’t the only thing I wanted. I longed for her love. I wanted to be embraced by all of her – her heart, her soul, her mind – with all the strength she possessed. I had been waiting so very long, yet – she was worth the wait.

There was something powerful calling me to hasten my last few steps. My legs were weak, but not from the climb. It felt like one of those dreams when you find yourself running toward something with everything in you, yet your legs don’t seem to be moving. The summit of the hill seemed so far away, yet merely steps separated us. My heart, soul, and mind – every part of my existence needed to see what was on the other side. It felt as if I had spent my entire life on the journey to this very place – but it was only in these minutes that I sensed an urgency to be where I was going. I yearned for something that was on the other side, suddenly that longing felt as if it had been there since before my life began. I needed something and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I’d find it on the other side. A revelation of something I had been searching for without understanding was about to be unveiled.

A symphony of life announced her appearance. Everything in creation applauded her. The wind blew my kisses through her hair and planted my words of love into her ears. She breathed deeply and sighed, filling herself with my love. A new life began in her that very moment. Her beauty left me breathless. I knew her before she knew me. It was as if I had only heard of her loveliness, as if I had only seen an artist’s rendition, but as she began to take those next steps my spirit was taken aback – she was breathtaking. The reflection of the sun on the water danced in her eyes and mirrored my love for her. Her gaze fell upon me like the morning dew glistening at daybreak. My spirit called out to hers.

The Climb - Part 1

2009-11-09T05:00:00-05:00

I was sitting on the bank of the river, beneath the willow tree. The branches cascaded gracefully around me, sweeping me into their gentle embrace as the breeze floated through them, bringing them to life. The water rushing over the rocks serenaded me with its song as I waited for her. I knew she was coming. I had been anticipating her arrival for some time. I watched the reflection of the sun beaming off the surface of the water like dancing stars twinkling about. Were they waiting for her also?

It was a warm day but not unbearably hot, just the kind of day I love. I felt drawn to walk – not my usual path. For some reason, I felt adventurous that day. I felt a calling, as if the cool breeze was delivering me an engraved invitation to linger in the midst of creation. Was it the thought of sitting at the river’s edge that made me thirst so? As I walked up the crest of the hill, I realized that it wasn’t a natural thirst. I wasn’t parched by any means, yet there was something inside me that needed to be quenched, an unnameable thirst. I could hear the sound of the water – it awakened a need in me. I knew I was close when I saw the top of the willow tree. I would sit beneath it and breathe everything in.

I could sense her approaching. She had plans. She was seeking comfort - from what – she didn’t know. Through all her senses, I was drawing her near to me. I knew she felt it. She just didn’t realize that it was me. How could she? I knew she thirsted for something that would satiate, something that would satisfy, something everlasting. The sweet smell of the irises carried her up the mount. My heart smiled within. Every beat thumped within me increasing my exhilaration. It would only be a matter of time before she’d be mine. She didn’t know I had been waiting there for her for what seemed an eternity.

As I climbed up the hill, the willow became more lifelike with every step. It beckoned me. I felt drawn. My heart called out to me in a way I’ve never experienced before, as if the summit of love was waiting to embrace my arrival. The walk was steeper than I had anticipated. I wasn’t tired from the climb – it was more like a sweet exhaustion caused by an unknown anticipation that had overcome me. My senses were heightened, finely attuned to creation’s calling. “Come to me, you who are weary and burdened.” I wasn’t weary or burdened in a natural way. There had been something missing – something in a place I couldn’t name. “Come to me. Come to me,” everything around me whispered – not into my ears but into every part of my being – parts I was just then becoming aware that I had.

The Calling

2009-10-06T06:00:00-04:00

We were walking together, holding hands as we often do. She was singing for me as if I was her King and she was my maiden. We came upon a fork in the road. The left side was a wide, dirt road. Alongside the road was a green pasture. The cows were grazing on the countless daisies beneath the warmth of the sun. It was inviting.

She looked to the right. The weeds and moss were overgrowing on the old stone road. Trees lined both sides of the road for what appeared to be miles; their foliage formed an arch over the thoroughfare almost giving the appearance of a labyrinth. The way was narrow and dark; it was almost foreboding, but she – she saw brief glimpses of light shining through to illuminate the way. She always looks for the light wherever she is.

I was almost certain she’d choose to go left. I felt her grip tighten when she’d look to the other side. I listened to her breathe deeply and watched her bite her bottom lip – the way she always does when she has a big decision to make. The wide path or the narrow; the sunny and bright, or the dark and dim. “Can’t live with regret,” she’d always say. “Did you hear that,” she asked? “Hear what?”

She closed her eyes and said, “Listen,” they all sing a different song but together they sound like a symphony.” The leaves of the trees were rustling. “It’s an invitation,” she said, “they’re calling me.” She looked at me with that child-like grin. Her eyes opened wide as she tugged on my hand, raising her brows as if to ask if it was the right way to go. I nodded. She tugged my hand and took the narrow path. I could see that she was eager to answer the calling.

We walked forward. I was proud that my little girl chose the road less travelled. I was glad that she brought me along. It hadn’t always been that way. I surely thought I had lost her that summer she went off on her own to experience life. She was so young. They stole her innocence. I hope against hope that she’d return to me. Every day I wondered if she’d come home so I could restore what they took from her...and here we were – walking together down the straight and narrow path. Was she afraid? Yes – a little – but not enough to keep her from moving forward. You see, she let me be her strength. She depended on me for direction. Sometimes she’d walk ahead of me, but never too far and never without making sure I was close by.

I love her spirit of adventure. I love how she longs to love me the way I love her – deeply, purely, unconditionally. I love that she tries so hard to love herself as she is but that she’s never satisfied with staying that way. I love that her greatest desire is to please me. I love my little girl.

I love my little girl.

I Know

2009-06-11T06:44:00-04:00

I know you’ve been weeping, and calling out, wondering if I hear you, wondering if I’ve ever heard you. I know.

I know you’re hurting. I know you’re feeling battle fatigued – weary – alone. I know you have many questions that haven’t been answered to your satisfaction.

I count the times you’ve cried out to me, “I can’t handle this anymore.” I know you can – with me. I know what your made of – I created you.

There is something you should know – something you should know and believe – six little words filled with truth, hope and promise:'

I am. I hear. I answer.

“You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you,” Jer. 29:12 NIV.

My Beloved

2009-02-12T06:00:00-05:00

Every year, a week or so before Valentine’s Day, I am filled with mixed emotions of sadness, contentedness, loneliness and hope.

Since I was a little girl, my dream has always been to love and be loved in a way that fills me – that fills the place inside that often seems unfillable. A little more than five years ago, I had given up on all hope that I would ever love or be loved this way. It wasn’t until one October afternoon that I laid my heart bare before the Lord that I would taste the nectar of this desire.

When a person seeks and searches out what they believe they need, the things or people that will fulfill their desires, they often come up empty and frustrated. That frustration leads to more of the same.

We were made to love and be loved. We were made to love and be loved by the One who made us. It was for these very reasons that He created us. When we try to fill that hole, that emptiness in our hearts, we will always fail unless we are trying to fill it with what fits – what belongs there. That hole is a God-shaped hole – made for Him – to hold Him.

His word tells us that when we seek Him with all of our hearts, first and foremost, it is then that we will find Him.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. I love the Lord with all my heart, but I will admit this: while there is a small, a very small, part of me that longs for a Valentine, there is a bigger part of me that is more content than I’ve ever been in my life. More than I desire a Valentine, He desires to fully be my Valentine and I long to desire Him as He desires me.

If you’re single, alone, without a Valentine – perhaps feeling unloved or undesired, know this: God loves you and will never rest in His pursuit for your complete heart. I promise He is your Hope.

“I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me,” Song of Solomon 7:10.

Metamorphosis - Part II

2008-08-28T06:00:00-04:00

Through her tears, she spied a glint of light. It captured her attention. It flickered and danced on the carpet. She watched it; she was mesmerized - momentarily forgetting why she was on the floor in the first place. Where was it coming from? She scanned the room quickly. What is this? That glimmering fragment of light before her was overcoming darkness. There came with it a sense of peace, a sense of intrigue and curiosity that entreated just a few more minutes of her time. She acquiesced.

Her laboured and shallow breathing began to cultivate a feeling of liberty as she held up her head. A sweet aroma permeated the room, ever so slight in fragrance – something unknown to her before. She closed her eyes and filled her nostrils carrying the bouquet deeply into her lungs as they expanded. It hypnotized her, capturing every sense in a whirlwind of delight. The tears had ceased, not just the tears that had streamed down her face, but her sobbing soul gave way to an awareness she had never experienced.

Through the lids of her eyes the light became stronger. She felt a warm touch; the glistening light splashed a rainbow atop her hand. She moved it, but it followed. She waved her hand slowly wondering how, why, it was as if it had been painted on.

The darkness began to dissipate as she continued to breathe in that unnameable delicate scent. And then from nowhere, a reflection of innocence stared at her. There was something unmistakeably familiar about it. She was beautiful. She was a child – she was a woman? In a fraction of a moment the light became brighter than bright, whiter than white – a pure glow – clarity.

“Do you see what I see?” A calming voice spoke to her. “She is who I see when I look at you. I’ve watched you paint your life on this canvas; I watched every stroke you made. I cried every tear you cried and more. I waited. I waited and wanted more than life itself to come to you, but I couldn’t. You never called out to me until now. I had to be sure you wanted me.”

He held out his hand. She was serene, there was no fear left inside – no more sorrow – no more grief. He had seen inside her and loved her – for the first time in her life she knew love – she felt loved. She reached her hand out to his. His essence filled her emptiness. His light overcame the darkness. He wrapped himself around her; she didn’t understand what was happening and she didn’t care. “Follow me?” He asked. One final tear dropped over her cheek – a tear of hope. He lead her by the hand and she followed, never to look back again.