The Godmothers Club

How Faith Helped Sell My House

2012-02-21T22:06:00-08:00

One of the things Beth Moore teaches in her Bible study, My Determined Purpose, is that the Holy Spirit—who resides in each of us and who was created by the union of Christ's spirit with ours (her words)—gives us the capacity to know the God we believe in, even if we don't know what he's up to. Hmm.

After 19 years of marriage, I know why I understand my husband well—we share our concerns, joys and opinions; respect our differences and trust each other. We talk to each other. But to know God? That just seems like too big an idea for me to wrap my curly locks around.

And, honestly, I really do want to understand God and how he works. Especially when he doesn't seem to be answering my prayers. Especially when I'm anxiously waiting to hear about my friend's test results. Especially when I worry about my aging mother's memory loss. What's he up to?

Since Beth says we get to know God through the spirit that resides in us, I decided to embrace my faith by trusting him with selling our house. After all, we're taught he wants to be included in our everyday life to carry us through the day. So.

"God you're in charge of selling my house; not me."

When we put our house on the market last year, I made a conscious effort not to worry about how long it would take to sell, how much we'd have to 'come down' in price, where we would move to, or what everyone thought about what we were doing (cause I do that, too.) I just kept praying, "God, please make this happen in your own good time, not mine." I gave him my real estate worries and didn't take it back. Not once in the 14 months it took to sell our house during the worst housing market in recent history. But boy did I say that prayer all the time!

And a funny thing happened to me. I never felt the need to worry.

During all those months of showing the house to potential buyers, friends would tell me how calm I was. And that's just how I felt. I believed God would would handle things the right way for everyone involved, and that Charlie and I would be quite content with the results. And he did. And we were.

I want to pass along how I got to know him a little better — I actively chose to be spirit led through this event. To trust he was involved when we had no showings, when comments about our house were negative and especially during negotiations.

Was I happy with the way everything worked out? No. Not everything. But after living in our new home for four months, I know that I couldn't have prayed for anything better.

What do you do get to know God better?

P.S. If you're looking for Scriptures that support Beth Moore's message, listen to the podcast I linked to above. You might get something else out of this study than I did since God speaks to each of us accrding to what we're needing to know.

Blessings from The Godmothers Club where a God-centered life rules.

When Looking for Love Be Real

2012-02-14T22:15:00-08:00

Here's a funny and honest peak on what it's like to look for real love through the Internet:

Kayli, my niece Julia's good friend, has the most hilarious blog Granny Is My Wingman.com. In it she writes about the experiences of how she and her grandmother meet men on online dating sites and then documents their actual dates—including all the lumps, bumps, pimples and warts of each meeting.

Kayli is 24 and Grandma Gail is 75. The blog is a refreshing and honest peek into dating sites from two, generational points of view. Recounting their experiences from their online searches to their actual dates, Kayli's insightful posts will have you cheering for both of them. May they each find the real love they're looking for. Enjoy a their interview with Robin Roberts that aired on GMA on 1/20/12.

After I watched the segment on TV I got to thinking about how finding love is an ageless quest. Skin Horse, from the wonderful story the Velveteen Rabbit, tells the stuffed bunny that you don't become real until someone loves you. Real is what the Rabbit wants to be more than anything.

"Real isn't how you're made. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real," said the Skin Horse.

He goes on to say, "It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept."

Today's 20-somethings are a lot more open and adventurous in looking for love than mine generation was. Taking advantage of online dating sites that provide a convenient, private and efficient service for busy men and women looking for the 'right' love, they also eliminate the awkwardness of first introductions, which is the hardest for most people.

But no matter what decade you're dating in—no matter how you meet—who you are will determine if love is a thing that will happen to you. Grandma Gail and Kayli are strong women who don't have to be carefully kept. You just know the love they have for each other makes them feel more real than any date could.

In the end, it's all about relationships.

Blessings from The Godmothers Club where a God-centered life rules.

Enjoy the Journey of Aging Gracefully

2012-02-12T00:58:00-08:00

There resides in each of us a guide for aging gracefully.

Let the Holy Spirit direct your mind, your talents, your creativity and your love.

Tap into this source to live well and fully at any age.

Aging gracefully is my new mantra. Here's why:

When I was in my twenties—a lean, long legged, immortal young adult—aging was something that happened to other people; not me. I never gave it a thought in my 30s and 40s either because I was too busy having and raising children, and working hard to help support and educate them. By the time I was in my 50s...uh oh. Things were starting to change to the point of no return.

Now,some of us will age gracefully through some rejuvenation techniques such as plastic surgery, injections and creams—I'm not talking about the cosmetic side of aging gracefully. Do what makes you happy to look the way you want. So, no beauty tips on this blog. (Well, maybe occasionally if they're natural and healthy. To be decided!)

I'm talking about the attitude of aging and how it affects our thinking, relationships, viability, productiveness, sense of humor, gratitude, acceptance, potential, creativity, choices, obligations and all the other stuff that makes us a likable woman.

So starting today, The Godmothers Club is going to focus on how to age gracefully using the Spirit within us. Let's face it, whether you're a young mother, career woman or a granny, we're all aging and how great would it be to have a resource to keep us grounded and graceful as we journey on through our days.

Let's offer ideas, solutions and hope to the younger women coming up behind us, telling them what they can expect and some ways to enjoy the journey. For those of us who've already 'crossed the line' from youth to middle age and beyond let's talk about how to enjoy where you are.

Aging is really a good thing, so let's do it well.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions, so stay active and write us!

Who Asked You?

2012-02-07T23:12:00-08:00

It's so easy to jump in and give our grown children the benefit of our wisdom, isn't it?

You know I mean. They confide something about their finances, a health problem, travel plans or issues with their own children and we jump in with advice, solutions and opinions. After all, we raised them and loved them through all stages and problems in their lives. They still need our opinions because we know best. Right?

Well, I'd like to offer a different alternative to giving advice and wisdom:

Give them silence and affirmation.

Then be ready to catch their gift of thanks.

My son, who's been dating a delightful young woman for over two years, announced they're moving in together. He nonchalantly informed us about their plans as we were driving him home after dinner — and when we were only five minutes from his apartment might I add. Calculated time, no?

Surprised by his news, Charlie and I sat in stunned silence for a few seconds because a couple of months ago Scott told us he wasn't ready to settle down. After a moment of processing his words, I turned around and told him how much his Dad and I liked Nicole and that we were happy for them both.

And what did Scott say? "Nicole's coming to visit this weekend, want to spend Saturday with us?" What! We were being invited to share some of their precious time with them? That's a blessing in my book. Usually we do the asking.

As I replayed that conversation in my mind I realized that our unplanned silence was the exact reaction Scott needed. Our opinions about his plans wouldn't have mattered and it wasn't asked for. All Scott was looking for was affirmation of his decisions. He felt respected. I'm so glad that I didn't launch into my usual blah-blah advice mode.

No matter their age, it's hard to keep our mouths shut when it comes to our children. If they're independent and self supporting we have financial and living skills advice to pass on. If they're financially dependent or have poor decision making skills we offer solutions because we don't agree with how they're handling things. Let's face it, "we-know-what's-best" is synonymous with the word parent.

And the harsh reality to keep in mind is that our kids don't often ask for our opinion. They think we're old and don't understand what they're going through. And they're probably right. Scott's leading a different life that I did at his age.

So now when my kids have news, complaints or decisions to share, I'll keep my mouth shut a few seconds after they're finished talking and then offer words of affirmation and not advice to show my respect for them.

Then I'll wait to see what they give in return! Boy, do I hope it's more of their valuable time.

Blessings from The Godmothers Club.

How Green is the Grass in Your Backyard?

2012-01-31T21:42:00-08:00

My sister has a great expression that I just love. When things aren't going as she planned, or the way she would have chosen she says, "But that's okay, my grass is green."

What a positive twist on the old cliche, 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'! My sister's attitude puts her on the right side of the fence. No matter what's happening in her life, she's content.

How can we make sure we live knee deep in green grass like Sandra? Here's one idea...

Practice gratitude.

Oh, you've heard this before? Maybe once too many times on Oprah? Me too. I don't have time to write a gratitude list every day, either.

So try this. When things don't go your way, when you wish for something you want but can't afford, if your feelings are hurt by the actions of someone you care about say to yourself, "Okay, God, _______ is happening, but my grass is green because I have ______."

Fill in that second blank with anything (large or small) that you feel blessed for...

A new tea kettle
A car that starts
Two dollars in your wallet
A healthy child
A call from a long distance friend

If you're dealing with troubles in your family, finances or health it may be hard to see how green your grass is. Being overwhelmed or depressed clouds your view of life like dirty windows. And I get that it's hard to count your blessings when everyone else seems to have everything you want but don't have. I've been there, too. But I'm willing to bet there's one small blade of green grass on your side of the fence to be grateful for. Just one small thing. Focus on it, consider it a blessing and pass on your gratitude.

Don't look across the street at your neighbor, either. If you knew what their problems were you'd be grateful for your own. BTW, they think your grass is greener than theirs.

It's delightful to be around someone who practices gratitude and feels blessed like Sandra. They tend to brighten the day for all those in their presence and make others feel good about themselves. I'm grateful she's in my life.

Blessings from The Godmothers Club where a God-directed life rules.

Unconditional Acceptance is the Best Christmas Gift

2011-12-23T12:28:31-08:00

Looking for a table at Panera's the other day during the frenzy of shopping, I passed an older woman sitting at a table looking around anxiously. A Muslim, dressed for modesty in a hijab, she looked overwhelmed by the boisterous Christmas crowd. She looked different than the throngs waiting to eat their 'half and half' lunches.

Looking into her wizened face, I surprised myself and gave her a warm smile. She gave me one back, bigger and brighter. It really made me feel good and that feeling stayed with me all day. I realized that we both accepted each other with a simple smile in that 'never-to-be-seen-again' moment.

Smiling at strangers makes some of us feel squeamish or just plain weird. I smile a lot around people I know and feel comfortable with, but not so much around people who look different than me. I think because I'm wondering if they're wondering why I'm smiling at them. Weird, right?

But during the bustle of the moment, the smile I gave the Muslim woman was a small act of unconditional acceptance. It said "you're okay." And isn't that what we all want to hear?

In this season of extravagence, give someone the gift of unconditional acceptance. Your smile. It's amazing the goodwill it will create.

Christmas Blessings to all of you.

When Promises are Treats

2011-08-18T10:38:21-07:00

How good are you at keeping promises to yourself?

I'm the worst.

You'd think that by now when we get invited for an early round of golf on a Sunday morning, I'd have an automatic response, "Gee thanks for asking but I promised myself we'd make the early service at church."

Do I say that? You betcha I don't.

I ignore my inner promise and let my husband decide, "Charlie, what do you want to do, church or golf?"

Why is it so easy to break promises to myself...ones that I wouldn't dream of breaking for others?

I'm sincere about my promises, until something better comes along. More times than I'd like to admit, I've promised myself I would:

Exercise every other morning
Blog 3X a week
Not put off dental appointments
Read more non-fiction
Start volunteering

You get the picture — I know I'm not alone in making and breaking promises to myself.

Now, if I make a promise to someone else, there would be no way I'd break it. After all, I live by a moral compass!

But here's three reasons why I think it's easy to break promises to myself:

I make too many of them.
I'm really good at forgiving myself if I break a promise. "No big deal. Start again tomorrow."
I don't like schedules.

Eventually I get around to keeping most of the promises I make myself. But I don't call them promises anymore. That's a pretty heavy word that puts an obiligation or responsibility square on my shoulders. All of which I'd do for someone else.

I decided to rename my inner promises "giving myself a treat" because that's doing something nice for myself. It's a reward. A gift. A happy thing.

And not only is treat a fun word, when you're doing something nice for yourself it's easier to turn it into a healthy habit, a gift of time, or a commitment for helping others.

My "treats" are easy to keep because they make me feel good.

What treats would you like to make to yourself?

Getting Egg on Your Face is a Good Thing

2011-08-08T07:11:20-07:00

I just get so excited when I have a good idea! Whether it's an idea for a dinner party, a blog article or buying a gift for someone my creative juices start bubbling and it's all I can think about.

Sometimes my ideas or dreams work out and sometimes they don't. And when they don't...like the time I made a fancy dessert for some good friends that tasted like whipped soap instead of mousse...I have to wash the 'oops' egg off my face.

Here are a few important things that "getting egg on my face" has taught me:

It takes courage to act on dreams or ideas and not worry
Not taking a risk is worse than being afraid to take a risk
Life is more interesting
Success is an attitude
What others think isn't important—self worth is more important than other worth
You're never too old to start something new.

And if I fail, so what. At least I tried.

What dream or idea were you pursuing the last time you got egg on your face? What did you learn?

Photo Credit: Flickr/Carolyn Coles

The Backyard Fence Social Media Built

2011-08-03T09:37:22-07:00

When my Grandma was a young woman she traded gossip with the tradesmen, socialized with the neighbors and chatted with her friends; all on a daily basis. Anyone who was important in her life knew exactly what was happening in her family.

And as hard as it may be to believe, she managed seven children, a home, her husband's business and rental income properties without the benefit of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.

So how did Grandma network without social media?

Over the good ole backyard fence.

Back then...

The milkman passed on information about a sick neighbor.

Friends, stopping by on the way home from the market, talked about new cleaning products.

Neighbors offered opinions for ailments, unruly children and what to do with leftovers.

When Grandma needed a new renter she told the street's busybody—who would have then spread the word.

News, opinions, gossip and information were given face to face by someone she knew well because she lived in the same neighborhood and house for 60 years.

Today...

Like many people, I've moved hundreds of miles away from my hometown. The demands of jobs and family and the distance between us makes it almost impossible for us to connect face-to-face over the backyard fence anymore. Staying in touch involves remote technnology.

So it's a good thing that social media has built us all a new backyard fence. It lets me stay up-to-date with those I love, connect with friends wherever we are, and do it at any time of day.

Thing is...I just wish I could hear your voice, see your face and touch your hand while we talk.

How has the backyard fence that social media built affected your life?

Photo credit: Flickr/Clarkston SCAMP

How to be a Good Mother-in-Law

2011-05-25T13:37:09-07:00

My former mother-in-law had a heart attack recently and the news about her collapse dug up some latent emotions. I was surprised at my reaction.

I haven't seen Lena in over 17 years and keep track of her only through my daughters' visits with her. The disintegration of our relationship was the result of divorce between her son and me in 1990; it was next to impossible for us to be friends anymore. Not only were we separated by 150 miles but by a generation that took sides; my mother with me and his mother with him. In the process and pain of divorce, I lost a wonderful mother-in-law and, now that I'm a mother-in-law and grandmother, maybe a woman who would have been a friend.

As a young bride I moved closer to my husband's family, leaving mine far behind for the first time in my life. And I'll tell you, trying to navigate and anchor into a new family is not easy. Young and immature, I compared his family to mine and his came up short! Of course, my self-imposed obstacles made it harder for me to fit in at first. It was Lena's simple, innate goodness that helped me find a comfortable way to be part of her family.

A traditional, Italian mother who shared recipes, family stories and advice (but only when asked), she grew in my esteem as the years passed. Never critical when I did something wrong. Undemanding when sharing holiday time. Complimentary with the way I raised my daughters. Understanding when I put her family on the back burner for mine...she was a true role model.

I also try to extend grace-filled considerations to the delightful people my children love, and I can only hope they will have the same feelings about me. I think life's all about cultivating, maintaining and remembering relationships even when separated by unexpected circumstances.

What do you think about mother-in-laws?