iParent

Fishing Lessons

2008-12-02T08:58:34-05:00

By Wayne Stiles

Our family went fishing over the Thanksgiving weekend at a nearby lake.

Cold and blustery. Hardly anyone else at the lake. Rough water. Five dollars for worms. Hooks snag in the underwater weeds. Fish won’t bite. Worm guts under the fingernails. A hook pierces my thumb.

One of my daughters summed up our experience this way: “Daddy, a stocked pond might be more fun.”

We fished with worms, hooks, and bobs while a nearby man cast a lure with his rod. He caught a bass as I was leaving! Go figure. His success got me to thinking.

I looked up the term “lure” in the Oxford American Dictionary and found the word “tempt” occurring in the definitions. The probable origin of the word “lure” stemmed from the German term, Luder, meaning, “bait.” Hmmm . . .

The next morning I asked the family, “What does fishing teach us about Jesus’ statement: ‘I will make you fishers of men?’” Various answers shot back:

“It’s hard work. It takes patience.”
“Sometimes fish won’t bite.”
“A lot of casting; not a lot of catches.”
“Different bait works for different fish.”
“It’s great when you catch one!”

Then we discussed another question: “What does fishing teach us about how Satan tempts us?”

“Different bait works for different fish.”
“The bait hides the hook.”
“Quick satisfaction with long-term regret.”
“Satan is patient.”

The lessons we caught from fishing were keepers. A lure from Satan’s perspective tempts us to destruction. But a lure from God’s perspective—that’s our lives and our words—leads us and others to salvation. Can you think of some other lessons?

Not bad for five bucks and some worm guts.

Post courtesy of www.waynestiles.com. Used by permission.

Losing Our Training Wheels

2008-11-11T06:45:00-05:00

By Wayne Stiles

The fall season often reminds me of the day when one of my daughters learned to ride her bike without training wheels. (The “fall” was an appropriate time for this event.)

As she sped down a hill toward a huge ravine, I saw written all over her face the message: “I’m not in control!” So as she flew by me, I reached out and lifted her off the bike—saving her from the ravine but causing her to fall. As the bike launched into the abyss, my rescued daughter hopped up hotter than a hornet!

“Why did you do that, Daddy?!” To answer, I pointed to the bottomless gorge I saved her from . . . but she still couldn’t believe that I would cause her to fall.

Years later, I pondered how we can carry this attitude into our relationship with God. The words of one woman make this clear:

"I was raised in a conservative church where we were taught to seek God’s guidance. But I’ve concluded that all that teaching was a crock! Where was God when I needed Him? Why didn’t He give me a better family? Why didn’t He let me marry better men? God knew what was going to happen to me. He could have stopped it. But instead He’s letting me wallow in misery. It’s not fair."

The Christian life should bring the good things in life, right? God’s powerful love should protect us from having awful families, from miserable marriages, from losing our jobs, from losing a child, or from having accidents only “other people” have. So when reality hits, God becomes the scapegoat—because He could have stopped it all.

“How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1). King David’s honest prayer reflects our own cries, doesn’t it? Nothing aches so badly as God’s apparent apathy.

Our culture points to our pain as proof that God doesn’t exist; but the devil uses our pain to convince us that God doesn’t care. (Take a moment and read that again.) And if Satan can get us to doubt God’s goodness, we stand on the edge of a life that uses our anger to justify sin.

But notice, David not only expressed his feelings of abandonment, but he affirmed his faith in God’s goodness—even though he could not see it: “But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation” (v. 5). Even within the blur of seeming betrayal, David clung to God’s good character.

As parents, we can all understand why I jerked my daughter off her bike. But as a child, she lacked the capacity to understand my actions as coming from a heart of love. She couldn’t see past her pain toward the reason I allowed it—and even caused it. As God’s children, we often lack this same insight.

If we acknowledge our Father’s goodness only in the pleasant things He allows, we yield to a childish nature that misses an astounding part of God’s love. We miss the wonderful growth we can experience from praising a good God who uses even our pain for our advantage.

Used by permission of www.waynestiles.com

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The Greatest Influence

2008-10-01T11:09:00-04:00

The Greatest Influence
by Charles R. Swindoll

Several years ago, someone interviewed the contemporary artist Marc Chagall for a PBS program. The young, arty interviewer started the session with a question about influences. His question was very long and involved and exhibited his own learning along the way, giving everybody, including Chagall, a lecture on the nature of influences on the artist.

When the young man finally gave the artist a chance to answer for himself, Chagall said, in the simplest way possible, that his greatest influence was his mother. It took the poor young man a bit of time to get his bearings after that.

I know of no more permanent imprint on a life than the one made by mothers. I guess that’s why Mother’s Day always leaves me a little nostalgic. Not simply because my mother has gone on (and heaven’s probably cleaner because of it!), but because that’s the one day the real heroines of our world get the credit they deserve. Hats off to every one of you!

More than any statesman or teacher, more than any minister or physician, more than any film star, athlete, business person, author, scientist, civic leader, entertainer, or military hero . . . you are the most influential person in your child’s life.

Never doubt that fact!

Not even when the dishes in the sink resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa . . . or the washing machine gets choked and dies . . . or the place looks a wreck and nobody at home stops to say, “Thanks, Mom. You’re great.”

It’s still worth it. There never would have been an Isaac without a Sarah, a Moses without a Jochebed, a Samuel without a Hannah, a John without an Elizabeth, a Timothy without a Eunice, or a John Mark without a Mary.

These men were the men they were, in great part, because of the mothers they had. The hidden secret of that winning combination? Mother with child—just that simple. So, please . . . please, stay at it!

A mother’s influence is so great that we model it even when we don’t realize it, and we return to it—often to the surprise of others.

As I think of my own mother’s influence on me, two words come to mind: class and zest. My mother, being a classy lady, was determined to keep our family from being ignorant of the arts or lacking in social graces. I have her to thank for my love of artistic beauty, fine music, which fork to use, and no gravy on my tie. She also possessed such a zest for life. I am indebted to her for my enthusiasm and relentless drive. Her indomitable spirit got passed on, thank goodness.

And so, mothers, don’t ever forget the permanence of your imprint. The kids may seem ungrateful, they may act irresponsible, they may even ignore your reminders and forget your advice these days. But believe this: they cannot erase your influence.

Adapted from Charles R. Swindoll, “The Greatest Influence,” in The Finishing Touch: Becoming God’s Masterpiece (Dallas: Word, 1994), 234-35. Copyright © 1994 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. Photo by Lab2112.

In Their Eyes

2008-08-01T13:07:00-04:00

by John Adair

The mysteries of this world never cease.

My 2-year-old son has a strange habit. When he wakes up in the morning or from his nap, he makes his way from his bed directly to his closed bedroom door, lies down flat on his stomach, and gazes through the crack beneath it. Then he waits. He has a room full of toys that I imagine would better attract his attention, yet he waits. He has a pile of blocks to build towers that he can “go Godzilla” on, yet he waits. He waits for someone—anyone—to walk by, in the hopes he might be able to rope him or her in to his escape plan.

Here’s the thing, though: he can open doors! He opens the office door when I’m working. He opens the front door when we’re not looking. He opens the pantry door and plays with the trash can. But he will not open that bedroom door. He won’t even try.

When I think about this habit, a couple of things come to mind. First, while lying there, he wants nothing more than to be on the other side of that door. He wants very much to be in his mother’s and my world. He wants to see what we are doing and participate in it with us. He wants to spend time with us.

Second, his vision is limited because of the small space between the door and the carpet. He can’t see beyond what the small space allows. He certainly can’t see what’s going on in the living room around the corner. And most importantly, because he is so focused on seeing through the crack, he doesn’t realize that he can simply open the door to go where he wants to be.

As a parent, I find my son’s behavior mystifying but also instructive. Whenever I see him through the crack beneath the door, I think about how much I’d like to be in his world. I want to know his mind more fully so that I can better train and guide him toward Christlikeness. Jesus told us that the greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). When it comes to our kids, the ability to fulfill this second commandment—an ability that ultimately is given by the Holy Spirit—involves knowing them well (seeing the world through their eyes). We need this so that we can serve them in a way that will be of most help to their spiritual growth.

In the attempt to see through his eyes, I also recognize my own limited vision of him. In effect, I, too, am looking through the crack under the door. No parent has been blessed with a God’s-eye view of the world. Therefore, our responses to our kids should always reflect a certain measure of humility. Remembering that we, too, are sinners who struggle to stay on the right path should temper our response to our kids. It should ensure that our interaction with them is seasoned with grace and mercy while avoiding the awful trap of hypocrisy. Ephesians 6:4 teaches us that we are not to provoke our children to anger. This occurs when we come off as autocrats who care little for the difficulties our kids face. They get most frustrated when our direction seems to come out of nowhere. Rather, we should teach them discipline from our own example while rooting everything we teach in the Scriptures.

Seeing the world from our children’s perspective allows parents to have greater insight into what our kids need to become more like Christ. But adopting that mentality also involves adopting humility as a way of life. It can’t be all about us. To truly serve and help our kids, our lives must be turned outward, toward both Christ and our kids (the same focus of Jesus’s two great commands—God and others). Just as living the kind of life that would best serve God involves seeing the world through His eyes, living the kind of life that would most help our kids involves seeing the world through their eyes.

(Photo by flattop341.)

An Ordinary Home Can Be a Holy Place

2008-06-01T12:00:00-04:00

by Barb Peil

The word holy means “set apart” for a specific purpose—like the linen and silverware you use only on holidays. As a place where the truth about God and His Word is modeled, your home can be a holy place—set apart for His children to grow. “Our home? Holy?” Yes! But . . .

It Starts at the Top.

Deciding to make your home a holy place begins with you and your spouse’s choice to make your relationship with the Lord a part of your everyday lives. Welcome Him into every conversation, decision, and relationship that crosses your threshold. When you pray together, remember the little things. Remember too, spiritual talk isn’t reserved for Sunday. in fact, many times . . .

It Happens at the Dinner Table.

In between “pass the carrots” and “chew with your mouth closed, please” often comes the opportunity to talk about how you and your children’s lives are different because you love God. As a parent, why not share something you’re learning in your Bible study or through your prayer life? Invite your kids to contribute too—you might be surprised at how God is working in their hearts. But remember . . .

It Takes a Good Eye.

It takes discernment to spot significant junctions in your children’s spiritual maturity. What are their worries? Their questions and observations about life provide perfect prompts to talk about spiritual issues. These teachable moments come when you least expect them. Sometimes they’re cleverly wrapped in traffic jams or waiting rooms, over a mound of dishes in the sink, or at a checkerboard breakfast table. The important moments happen when you model your relationship with God as a natural part of your daily lives. At these pivotal moments . . .

It Matters What You Say.

It matters what you say and how you say it. If your tone of voice changes every time you say spiritual words, your kids will conclude that your relationship with God is fake too. Be real. Let your conversation about God be as natural as talking with them about their friends or family members. Encourage their questions, even if you don’t know the answers. They won’t mind your not knowing, if you can discover the answer together in God’s Word. And while we’re talking about talking . . .

It Matters How You Pray.

When you became a parent, you decided from that moment on to let your heart run around outside your body. At times, the only communications that can reach your children are the conversations you have with God about them. As you pray, think through their day. What challenges do they face? Pray for their strength as you iron their shirts, pray for their health as you fix them nourishing meals. Plead for their protection as you watch them with their friends. Pray for them with your spouse after you tuck them in at night. The result will be . . .

Growing Closer to God as a Family.

As parents, decide to be a spiritual influence in your home—setting it apart as a place where your relationship with God is as real as the kitchen sink. Together, serve God as you serve each other—with an honest attentiveness and a willingness to be involved in every family member’s growing awareness of God’s plan for their lives.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T00:00:00-04:00

Today, most of us who are blessed enough to still have someone mothering us - whether a mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, even an aunt or sister - will try to find a way to say "Thank you" for patiently, selflessly loving us. Take a moment and pay tribute to the mothers in your life by sharing the great lessons they have taught you.

Photo by Piero Sierra

Shake It Up a Little

2008-05-07T15:14:00-04:00

Photo by Lenore M. Edman

by David Carl

As I get older, I am starting to see a pattern emerging in my life. My attention is getting more focused—that’s a good thing. I don’t like my schedule to be disrupted too much—not so good. I am getting increasingly set in my ways—not good at all. It has become very clear to me in the last several years that one of the most obvious characteristics of a disciple of Christ is that he or she is enthusiastically in a state of change. None of us “arrives” as a Christian—we are always on the journey.

I am prone to avoid change and disruption, but if I do, I will become the thing that has been the cause of so much secular finger-wagging: I will become the controlling, unconcerned Christian. I really don’t want to become that guy—Jesus was not that guy. Instead, I want to be wholly rooted in Scripture and willing to jettison anything that keeps me from pursuing Him. I have made a list of things that I want to do this year to “shake it up”—to keep myself open and winsome and spiritually agile. Here are a couple of them.

1. Occasionally, worship with Christians from other traditions.

I was raised Presbyterian/Baptist/Evangelical Free. A great way for me to shake it up is to worship at an Anglican or a contemporary church, to visit both large congregations and small start-ups. They all worship God differently, with various traditions and styles. Many of the churches I’ve visited I wouldn’t want to attend every week, but it is so good to see wonderful people serving God in different ways.

2. Take a day of silence and solitude.

I have long wanted to do this, but it is completely out of my comfort zone. I feel down deep that I need to cultivate the disciplines of silence and solitude in order to understand things I have not understood before. There is a lot to this—and most of it I don’t yet comprehend—but I’m going to start learning. Jesus went away for silence and solitude often; I guess I could start and do it once.

My list includes other ideas, but I want to encourage you to make up some of your own. Open up the windows of your life and let the wind blow through. Shake it up, and don’t let yourself become controlling and unconcerned. Don’t let yourself become “that guy” or “that gal.”

One great way to refresh you and your family is to bring your kids along with you on the Insight for Living 2008 Alaska Cruise this July. David Carl and his wife, Cathy will be ministering to the elementary-age kids all week long!. Visit www.insight.org/events for more information.

David Carl serves as the creative director for Insight for Kids and Insight for Parents at Insight for Living.

What makes a great family vacation?

2008-05-01T10:35:00-04:00

Family vacations don't have to be extravagant to be memorable. Sometimes the best times are had doing simple things - time in the car on the road, sightseeing at national monuments, or camping.

Tell us about your best family vacations.

(Photo by Lisa B)

“Fixing Foundation Problems” by Wayne Stiles

2008-03-17T11:22:54-04:00

My grandmother’s old house came the closest to a home away from home for me. Built in 1909, it endured countless repairs, two roofs, and around twenty-seven sets of wallpaper.

One winter I noticed in a high corner the wallpaper had buckled and split. When I questioned my grandmother she commented: “The house needs foundation work. Every time the seasons change or the wind blows a different direction, the whole house shifts.” That made sense. In the past twenty years I bet I’ve shaved an inch off all doors trying to get them to close. But the repair lasted only until the wind shifted again.

Now look closely at the lives of many people you know, and you’ll see this old house’s problem played out in vivid display. When one marriage hits the rocks, another one follows with barely equal success. When some addiction seems conquered, you see in its place one more of equal devastation. Job after job, church after church, relationship after relationship, when the walls of their lives get wrinkled or ripped, their solution is often to paper over the tear with a fresh print . . . and just start over. Maybe you’ve even had a few sets of wallpaper yourself.

The problem, of course, lies not with the wallpaper, the walls, or even the wind (returning to the old house’s metaphor). These remain but symptoms of the real problem: a poor foundation.

When the devil tempted the first humans to disobey, their cunning enemy appealed to emotions by discrediting God’s Word (Genesis 3:4–6). Satan’s tactics haven’t changed. If he can get us to doubt God’s truth—or simply to stay unaware of it—we have nothing left to base our decisions on except emotion and common sense. Both inadequate foundations.

I wish I could count how many couples sat in my pastoral office and confessed they just “don’t love each other anymore.” Because their feelings had changed, they assumed they had missed true love. But God never intended feelings to guide us.

What circumstance do you find yourself in today where emotion has demanded its way? Your marriage? Your kids’ schooling? Your integrity on the job?

Watch out.

When we make decisions based on any other foundation but God’s Word, we sit at the mercy of any wind’s whim. No marriage will endure. No salary will satisfy. No job, church, or relationship will last. How can they when we base them on feelings that constantly shift?

God’s Word remains a sure foundation for our lives, true. But we only enjoy its benefits when we obey it.

How do you say, "I love you?"

2008-02-05T13:00:45-05:00

Photo by Mary Bingham

As we celebrate love this month, the iParent blog team wants to know... What do you do to show your child you love him or her? Are there any special Valentines Day traditions you have? Please share them with our readers.