The Lost Blog of Don Juan

What's Wrong With Men

2007-08-27T11:04:37-07:00

Recently I was visiting my parents-in-law with my children in the Midwest, and I discovered something about myself that I don't like to admit. The occasion for this revelation was the decision to go water skiing with my father-in-law, Don, and twelve-year-old son, Jesse. I have not gone water skiing in years, but I used to love it and be pretty good at it.

(clue #1 to what's wrong with men).

I decided to slalom (start with one ski) since that was what I used to do. After crashing and burning (or rather crashing and drowning) several times without getting up and having the handle wrenched out of my hand, I decided to humble myself and try two skis. At last I was able to get up and started to really enjoy zipping back and forth across the wake. My son was cheering and I was enjoying his pride in me.

(clue #2).

Well, I enjoyed it for about five minutes until my forearm muscles that I hadn't used in years for much more than keyboarding started screaming for me to let go of the tow rope, and the wave of ache migrated up my arms, back and throughout the rest of my body. But, I was not willing to let go and suffer the shame of my own physical limitations and middle age body in front
of my father-in-law and especially my son.

(clue #3).

I tried to subtly nod my head toward the dock where I thought I could gracefully stop this physical torture. My son was trying to interpret my feeble signals, but I was not willing to give the finger-across-the-neck (i.e. kill the engine) signal that would have signaled my defeat. Finally,
my son got the idea and they towed me back to the dock as I clung to the handle desperately. Finally, at the dock I let go in explosion of relief. Over the next week my hands clenched like the arthritic hands of a ninety year old, and I became a walking cripple as my chest and arms muscles went into spasm at the slightest exertion.

As I have told this story to other men--usually with a lot of humor about how much my breasts were sore--I heard numerous stories of men who finished sports games with broken bones or other tales of foolhardy heroism all to avoid the "shame of being lame." What is it about men that causes us to suffer any pain to avoid being seen as weak. I once edited a book with a
primatologist named Frans De Waal, one of the world's leading experts on apes. He told a story about an alpha male chimpanzee who was dying and was trying to hide his wounds in the jungle away from the rest of the group.

Periodically, he would come out from behind a tree, beat his chest, and show that he was still powerful, and then crawl back behind the tree to nurse his lethal wounds. I am sorry to admit that I understand this primate's motivation completely. Are his actions that different from the aging CEO who when I asked how he was feeling would always say, "Never better, never stronger," or the forty year old man who worries about his hair falling out (I finally decided against using propecia) or buys a sports car (I ultimately got a silver Passat with leather seat--given its safety rating, it was the car for the family man in midlife crisis).

After my last hoorah, my son tried to water ski. Despite several failed attempts, Jesse was unwilling to give up and finally on attempt number six, got up. We were cheering for him, and I could see the baton or tow-rope passing to another generation. I wondered whether he too inevitably would feel compelled to push himself beyond his limits to avoid the dreaded male
"shame of being lame." What if we could show our lameness to other men without shame? Certainly, I have tried to show my son where I struggle and to avoid shaming him when he struggles. I realized I was teaching him much more than water skiing. I was teaching him about how men respond to pain.Fortunately for him, when you are twelve, one's foolhardy heroism does not prevent one from brushing one's teeth or raising a glass for a week.

Gateway to the Secrets of Life

2007-09-19T11:06:31-07:00

Recently I (and a number of other writers including Vargas Llosa, Saramago, Ken Follet, PD James, etc.) were asked by the students at a high school outside of Sevilla a simple but important question: Why read?

In an age of blinding and deafening media noise, it is vital to find a satisfactory response. I see how my own twelve-year-old son is bombarded daily, and so I was trying to address a question that many young people ask, but no doubt many adults must also answer in their own lives.

Here is my attempt:

Dear friends at IES ALBERO,

You ask an important question. Why read in a world filled with flashing, whirling, blaring media, all demanding your attention? Why do something as quiet and as black-and-white as reading letters printed on paper?

The reason is simple: there are secrets in books that you cannot learn from any movie, any song, or any television show. In reading, you enter into the mind, through the heart, and under the skin of another person, and you see the world revealed with an intimacy that can only happen in your own imagination set on fire by an author’s whispered words. Do you wish to know how your own mind works? Only then can you use it to get what you want. Do you long to know your own heart? Only then can you love anyone and be worthy of their love. Do you wish to know your own skin? Only then can you hope to have lived while you were alive. Reading is the gateway to these secrets, stolen from the library of life. Only if you pry open the covers of books can you hope to seize life by its long, stiff neck and, with your hands gripped around its slippery throat, demand that it tell you its secrets. Then, if you read closely and listen well, it will whisper them to you. Don’t wait for the movie—the secrets can never be revealed in the frenzy of action that must appear on any screen. The secrets are in the black fire written on white fire of books. They are waiting for you.

With warm regards and excitement for the unfolding adventure of your lives,

Doug

Paperback Published and Movie Rights Sold!

2008-07-16T13:34:08-07:00

What a wild ride it has been this past year!

To celebrate the paperback publication of “The Lost Diary of Don Juan,” I gave two book readings in the San Francisco Bay area on Monday, July 7, 2008. One at Book Passage in Corte Madera and one at Capitola Book Cafe in Capitola. I couldn't believe the number of people that came out to celebrate the publication of the paperback and to hear me speak about what I've learned about publishing fiction (and how to get it published in 30 languages!).

I also told new stories from my adventures in Europe, more of Don Juan's secrets, and (very exciting for me!) my adventures in movieland - the movie rights were just bought last month!

In addition to celebrating the paperback, I've finished my newest book and sent it off to the publisher. I'm working on revisions now, and it will hopefully be out in the Fall of 2009.

August is going to be a bit of a break from writing for me as I will be going on a cruise to celebrate my in-laws anniversary and taking a rafting trip with my 13 year old son, Jesse, on the Colorado River. Then, it'll be back to the grindstone to finish up revisions my newest book.

To Boldly Go...A Virtual Book Tour

2008-09-02T06:08:00-07:00

I spent a lot of time on the road promoting the hardcover of The Lost Diary of Don Juan in the U.S. and in Europe -- readers of the blog may remember the crazy heckler who interrupted the 100-person talk in New York City ("Ah," I said, looking out at the mortified hometown crowd, "it's good to be home,") or the one woman who turned up in Madison, Wisconsin, or the all night dance vigil in the disco in Madrid after missing my flight.

So it is nice to be able to stay home with Rachel and my children as I embark on a Virtual Book Tour (also called a Blog Tour) over the next two months. The calendar for September is below, but please check back for updates, changes, and the Tour schedule for October.

If all goes according to plan, I will be coming to a blog near you. I doubt it will be as fun as looking into the eyes of a reader and hearing what they thought of the book. (Is there anything more amazing than hearing that some assortment of words from one's mind has made a lasting impression on the heart of another person? OK, so sex is probably more amazing, as is kissing your child goodnight.)

Which is why, while I'll miss meeting readers on the road, I am glad that I'm going to be staying close to home. If you do come across interviews or guest posts on blogs in the cyberworld, please do let me know. I'd love to hear from you, even if we can't look each other in the eyes quite yet.

And last but not least, many thanks to Dorothy Thompson of Pump Up Your Book for all her tireless efforts in choreographing my Virtual Book Tour!

THE LOST DIARY OF DON JUAN VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR '08

Sept. 2 - If Books Could Talk and Harriet Klausner’s Review Archive

Sept. 3 – Amateur de Livre

Sept. 4 - In Bed With Books

Sept. 8 – Book Bitch

Sept. 9 – Paperback Writer

Sept. 10 – Mama Bear Reads

Sept. 11 – The Story Behind the Book

Sept. 12 – The Friendly Book Nook

Sept. 15 – Book Excerpts from Bestselling Authors and Bookish Ruth (guest post)

Sept. 16 – Booking Mama

Sept. 18 – The Bluestocking Society

Sept. 19 – Dear Author and Bookish Ruth (book review)

Sept. 21 -- Savvy Verse & Wit (review)

Sept. 22 – The Book Connection

Sept. 24 – Backroom Reviews (book review)

Sept. 25 -- Zensanity

Virtual Book Tour, Cont.

2008-09-27T15:05:52-07:00

Here is the Lost Diary blog tour schedule for October:

Oct. 1 – Paperback Writer (book review)

Oct 2 – Review Your Book and Savvy Verse and Wit (guest post)

Oct 3 -- Beyond the Books

Oct 6 – BCF Reviews

Oct 7 – Divine Caroline

Oct 8 – The Writer's Life and Reading Mama

Oct 9 – Book Marketing Buzz

Oct 10 – Fiction Scribe

Oct 13 – Bookfoolery

Oct 14 – Booking Mama (including book giveaway)

Oct 15 – Blogcritics

Oct 16 – AM Northwest in Portland, Oregon (television appearance)

Oct 17 – Literarily

Oct 20 – Denyse Bridger’s Fantasy Pages

Oct 21 – The Literate Housewife and American Chronicle

Oct 22 – Age 30 – A Year of Books

Oct 23 – Denyse Bridger’s Fantasy Pages (guest post and book giveaway)

Oct 24 - Kathleen’s Book Reviews

Oct 27 – Fictionary

Oct 28 – The Dark Phantom

Oct 29 – Fyrefly’s Book Blog

Oct 30 – A Novel Menagerie and Stephanie's Confessions of a Book-a-Holic

New Site Coming Soon!

2009-05-09T17:55:00-07:00

We're in the process of building a new site, so check back soon for many new features as well as a section dedicated to Doug's next novel, Eye of the Whale, in stores this August.