DC Urban Dad

I am spending Friday with The Wise Young Mommy

2009-11-06T00:01:00-05:00

Who says Fatherhood Friday has to be all about the Dads?????

Well not me, so today I have a real treat for all the DC Urban Dad readers.

I have with me one of the kick ass Mom bloggers out there - Petra. To be honest I am not sure how I came across her and her site The Wise (*Young*) Mommy, but am glad that she is a part of my daily reading and a friend. She's not only a talented writer, but a fabulous mother and wife to boot. If you don't follow her, ya should.

Petra took a few moments out of her hectic schedule to sit down and talk about what she has going on, her future book, parenting and a topic that I don't really touch on here too often (in fact never) - SEX (gasp)!

Enjoy.....

So tell us a little bit about the site and of course the upcoming book? Where did the inspiration come from? What are your hopes for the book and the site?

The site and the book are both called Sex and The Suburbs, with the tagline “What Moms Don’t Talk About at PTA Meetings and Play Dates…BUT SHOULD.” That pretty much says it all. Women don’t express their concerns, fears, issues, and questions with one another to better understand sex after child birth, marriage, running a household, being a stay at home mom or a working mom. There are all different sets of challenges and difficulties, as well as wonderful new developments that come with moms’ sex lives, but so many of us feel it is private and not to be shared. But where that leaves us is that we don’t have anyone to relate to, and we often feel really alone or “broken” when we have problems.

I hope that the book and the site will urge moms to open up with their fellow moms, to talk about what bothers them, what they love, what they hate and what works and doesn’t work for them. In turn, maybe we can feel better and more confident about our sex lives, and create more of the sex life that we want, instead of the sex life we have been given because of our circumstances. Lastly, I think we need to be able to laugh at ourselves, and realize that these issues aren’t the end of the world. Therefore, I try to invoke humor into my writing as much as possible. Laughing is so much better than crying.

Why do you think so many people have such a hard time talking about sex?

I think it’s a combination of being raised not to talk about these issues, and being embarrassed. Let’s face it, admitting that you have a problem with lubrication or that your husband wants anal sex and you are scared to try it (or you LOVE it and can’t get enough) is not easy. People, especially women, are extremely afraid of being judged for their actions.

I know so many moms that want to portray the image that they can “do it all” and all with a smile on their face, and admitting your sex life isn’t satisfying or that you and your husband are “unconventional” in the bedroom somewhat alters that persona of “super mom.” But if we just realize that we are all in the same boat, and what we do behind closed doors is not “weird” or “wrong,” we would probably be more comfortable talking about it.

What's the biggest difference (besides the obvious ones) you have found between Men and Women when it comes to sex?

I would have to say the biggest difference I have found is one that everyone is aware of, I think. It is that women attach emotion to sex much more than men. For many men, sex is a release that doesn’t necessarily have to involve romanticism or intimacy. That is why men, in general, masturbate more often. Men are also much more visual when it comes to sex, while most women rely on attraction to the person, inside and outside, to get turned on. That is why many women have such a big problem with pornography and their husband’s masturbating to images of other women.

To men, it’s just tits and ass, a means to an end, while to many women, they feel it is almost an act of infidelity. Of course, there are always going to be men that don’t enjoy pornography, and women who do, but in general, this seems to be a widespread issue.

Do you ever worry what your kids will think about this as they grow older? What does your husband think of the site and the book?

I worry about that all the time. Since my children are not at the age of surfing the internet yet (they are 3 and 9), I haven’t had to worry about it, but pretty soon my stepson will be old enough to type stuff into search engines and I do worry that my stuff will pop up. I think the only way to avoid this is to have REALLY good parental control on any computers the kids use and talk to them about what I write about when they are old enough to understand it. My husband loves the site and the idea of the book. He is very open and non-judgmental when it comes to sex and what I write about. I really appreciate his support in this endeavor.

When did sex become such a hot topic for you personally?

Well, I think sex has always been a hot topic for me, because I enjoy it. But I really became interested in writing about it when I started my blog, The Wise (Young) Mommy, and I got such an overwhelming reaction from other moms when I posted about sex or sex toys. It seemed like moms were dying to talk about it in a safe forum, and that there was so much more to it than I thought. That is when I started thinking about doing the research and starting the book. Then I was offered a weekly column at SexIs Magazine and it grew from there.

Growing up was sex something that was discussed openly in your family?

Yes and no. I think my parents were probably more open with me than most, but it wasn’t like we talked about sex around the dinner table or anything. My parents answered any questions I had honestly, but carefully, and never hid the fact that they loved each other and were intimate. I think that helped me gain a positive outlook on sex, and I hope I can do the same for my children.

Any advice for other Dads and Moms for when it comes to sex and talking about sex?

Well, of course the most important thing is being open and honest with each other and not being afraid to tell your partner what you like, what you don’t like, or about any fears, issues or problems you have. Also, keep an open mind and try not to be judgmental. Oh yeah, and save the “can I put my finger in your ass?” conversation for BEFORE sex, not DURING.

Let's take it in a different direction and go into some favorites.....

Song – Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley

Album – The White Album - Beatles

Concert – Duh, The Jonas Brothers!

Movie – Sixteen Candles

Book – Bee Season, Myla Goldberg

Quote – >“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”

Word – Serendipity, cause it’s fun to say

Curse word – I don’t curse, who the fuck do you think I am?

Best parenting advice? Worst?

I would have to say that the best parenting advice would be to not sweat the small stuff and pay attention to EVERYTHING because it goes by way too fast. The worst parenting advice? I hate when people tell you to keep your kids up late so they will sleep later or have them skip a nap so they will go to bed earlier. I think sleep habits are SO incredibly important for kids.

Best parenting moment? Worst?

Wow, this is a hard one. I guess my best parenting moment would have to be giving birth, because I was like a frickin’ rock star at childbirth. Labored for 9 hours total, pushed for 12 minutes and didn’t yell at or hurt my husband. It was EPIC.

My worst moment is more like worst moments, because I tend to get really overwhelmed from working from home with two kids and I start to lose my patience. I hate when that happens, and even though I know it is inevitable from time to time, I think it happens to me too much. I need to work on that.

How would you like to remembered?

I think I just want to be remembered in general. Haha. I want to make a big enough impact with my life that more than, say 10, people show up to funeral to say “Hey, she was pretty cool.” And it would be an extra bonus if people remembered me as making a positive impact on their lives. That would be amazing.

What's next?

Well, finish the book, hopefully get someone to agree to publish it and start promoting it so moms will read it. That’s it for now. I’ll figure out the rest later.

Petra, thanks so much for stopping by. Look forward to seeing the book launch and hope you will come back when it does. And for all of you who want to know more check out The Wise (*Young*) Mommy, Sex and the Suburbs, and Twitter.

Pass the metamucil and turn on Matlock

2009-11-05T09:36:07-05:00

I am officially old and now qualify for AARP.....

It's Wednesday, why so blue?

2009-11-04T00:01:00-05:00

Matt Haverkamp

I guess you can learn new things

2009-11-01T22:05:10-05:00

.....That I apparently cannot read and understand directions.

Last week, Tuesday to be exact, was the launch of David Baldacci's latest book - True Blue. Well the folks at Hachette Books were kind enough to provide me an advanced copy of the book to give away. Thing is, I thought it was launching this week and not last week.

Doh!

Wanna know a bit more about the book? Check out some of the other sites that reviewed it here and here and here and here.

Wanna win a copy?

Just leave me a comment here. You have until Friday at 5 pm EST to submit. Everyone is eligible. Join in on the fun.

.....That if you don't want to end up getting killed by demons, don't be a douchebag.

A friend and I spend a few hours on Sunday catching up with the latest flick Paranormal Activity. There were definitely some intense parts - the ending was particularly disturbing.

Only issue with the movie was that I kept cheering for the demon to kill the boyfriend. He was quite the douchebag and very annoying. Have you seen it yet? If not, you should check it out.

.....That, this

Plus this

and this

Multiplied by this

Equals this

So how was your Halloween weekend. What did you learn?

Wise rules to live by

2009-10-30T07:20:00-04:00

If you are anything like me the moment you found out you were going to be a parent, your mind raced all over the place. The scenario might have started with a few high fives, perhaps an end-zone dance or two (the dirty bird, a little Ray Lewis dance-off, or the cabbage patch), some oh-yeahs, some whoo-hoos, some I am the man or woman.

Then it hit you like a load of bricks.

You are gonna be a P-A-R-E-N-T.

That's leads to the oh shits, the how am I going to do this, the questions of money, questions of work, the should we live here anymore and of course how am I ever gonna teach this kid out to live, how will I ever impart all the knowledge that I have in my brain.

Well last spring, parent-to-be and local DC resident Walker Lamond decided to take control and start a list of learned lessons putting together the 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son blog. As of this week, that blog has launched as a book under the same name, Rules for my Unborn Son.

Here's just a sample of the witty and wise learnings you will find throughout:

If you choose to wear a tie, commit. Button your top button.
Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
If you attend a late after-party, have an exit strategy
Keep a well-stocked bar
Girls like boys who shower
Don’t spit
Don't jog shirtless

Walker has been all over the place lately, but was nice enough to take some time sit down with DC Urban Dad and discuss the blog, being a parent, the launch of book and plans for the future.

He was also nice enough to give me a copy of the book which I will be giving away. And how do you win? Just leave me a comment and you will be automatically entered. And who is eligible? EVERYONE.

Now let's get to the real important stuff.

Thanks for spending some time with us. So tell us a little bit about the book? Where did the inspiration come from?

I knew what kind of man I wanted my son to be--thoughtful, industrious, well-dressed. I figured the best way to make that happen was to write up some instructions.

Now that your son is born, what do you like best about parenting?

Naptime.

What's the hardest part? The easiest? The most unexpected part?

The hardest part about parenting is understanding that you cannot be there every second of his life. He has to find his own way.

The easiest part? Beating him in basketball.

What's your favorite thing to do with your son?

Throwing rocks in the river provides hours of fun. And on Sundays we wander the flea market together. Her has a good eye for mid century modern. And trucks.

How are you at diapers, folding clothes and bathing?

Professional. I should be sponsored.

Any advice for new Dads? Especially the ones that just found out?

Yes! It's called Rules for My Unborn Son and it's in stores Oct. 27.

Growing up where did you see yourself at this age?

Accepting an Oscar.

Let's go into some favorites.....

Song - Personality Crisis, New York Dolls

Album - Tom Waits, Asylum Years

Concert - Cheap Trick, Trax - Charlottesville, VA

Movie - Don't Look Back, dir. D A Pennebaker

Book - All the King's Men, Robert Penn Warren

Quote - Take it easy. But take it. -- Woody Guthrie

Word - Occoquan! (As in, "there's a backup on the Occoquan...")

Curse word - What the french, toast?

Song to sing to your son - "Little Boxes"

Book to read to your son - Histoire de Babar, Jean de Brunhoff

Best parenting advice? Worst?

Best: "Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface, and paddle like hell underneath." Michael Caine

Best place to take your kid in the city? Worst place?

The greenhouse at Dumbarton Oaks is like something out of great expectations. Great place for a picnic.

Worst place? The Opera.

So what's next on the agenda?

A girl.

Thanks Walker for sharing with us today. Good luck on the book and the girl.

Is 17 months old too young to ground?

2009-10-28T09:18:51-04:00

This dad's hot.

This dad's definitely hot.

Me???????????? Holy crap, I guess I am.

Yes. seriously, me. Your father. I have been invited to join the ranks of the Hot Dads and spread my hotness throughout the world word by word.

Well, try not to be too shocked!!!

Why are you laughing at me now? That's not very nice. I too am perfectly qualified.

What do you mean lack of abs? I will have you know there are abs underneath this flab.

I promise. The fat just helps keep me warm during the cold winter months.

UGH!!! This Hot Dad gets no respect.

Is it too early to ground you?

Beer, Bojangles and Beaches - what did you do this weekend?

2009-10-25T22:48:23-04:00

This weekend DC Urban Dad and the crew packed up everything but the kitchen sink and headed south for a little wedding and family fun time.

Destination: Morehead City, NC.

Objective: Survive the drive, get some Bojangles and party like rock-stars.

Well, we survived the drive (barely), we definitely got our Bojangles on and partying, well let's just say the Mini-Kamp got her partying on for us.

.....Trust your instinct when it comes to directions. When that fails use the Google Maps app.

.....This crap can get stuck in your head if you are not careful. And when it does, it ain't coming out:

.....Unless you want to fall asleep at the wheel don't play this in the car.

.....I should tape the Mini Flip HD to my hand and have it with me at all times. I missed so many chances for good video with the Mini-Kamp. Including her getting her groove on the dance floor. She has moves. I do not.

.....I have a new beer. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

.....Chick-fil-a is right, you should eat more chicken.

.....It is impossible to do complicated rewiring of an alarm system at 1:30 in the morning.

.....There is nothing better in this world than an Egg-Bo biscuit from Bojangles. Biscuit pus egg, cheddar cheese and Canadian bacon. That and a sweet tea is the perfect Saturday or Sunday morning breakfast treat.

.....The perfect way to unwind from a long car trip is a good hour and a half at the park.

.....I miss the NC beaches.

So how was your weekend? What did you learn?

I found the perfect gift for me - I mean The Mini-Kamp

2009-10-22T00:05:00-04:00

Folks there is no denying it any longer. I should just come right out and say it.

I am beyond a shadow of a doubt in LOVE.....

That there folks is one bad ass toy. I am going to have so The Mini-Kamp is gonna have an absolute blast with this come Christmas morning.

You think I am joking? Every time I pull out the Dyson she does a little funky George Jefferson / Bill Cosby strut. She pushes people aside.....moves furniture.....does everything in her power to help me.

This is a must have. I'm just a little bent out of shape because, helloooooooooo where was this when I was growing up? Seriously, I would have been all over this!!!!!

Oh well, let's just hope Santa gets the memo and also remembers batteries because on the 25th I am going to get the Mini-Kamp is gonna get her clean on.

How does DC Urban Dad cut loose while Mom is away?

2009-10-21T08:11:42-04:00

Matt Haverkamp

10 things I learned over the weekend

2009-10-18T22:38:48-04:00

.....I would not survive in the Pacific Northwest. Love to visit, but folks I need the sun. These past five days have been BRUTAL.

.....The rain is definitely brutal but it does leave time to make (well my lovely wife made) sweet things:

.....The Mini-Kamp has these nobs on her dresser that when the light hits it just right at night it looks like those crazy devlish creatures from the movie Ghost that take you to hell.

.....I am happiest when my finger nails have dirt underneath them and I have flowers and bushes to plant. I am even happier when I have mulch to spread.

.....Despite the fact the Redskins SUCK I am still a fan and will spend a few hours each week watching their dismal performance.

....Our dog will try to eat anything. Even scrunchies.

.....It might be time to kill our Netflix membership. We never watch the movies.

.....Sesame Street rocks! (Yes, we went old school)

.....Not every museum in the DC area is free. The National Aquarium costs $7 per adult (totally worth it, regardless).

.....That pre-school seems just hours away (we just started filling out applications). Where is the time going?!?!?!?!?!

So what did you learn?