Abused No More

We've moved

2011-04-07T04:35:45-07:00

In order to serve you better this blog has now moved to: http://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com Do, please drop by - you'll find the same great information, but a more user-friendly format.

"One more year and then you'll be happy..."?

2011-01-05T04:42:12-08:00

If you’re pinning your last hopes on somebody undergoing a transformation to make that dream of happiness come true, then you’ll be crying now…Or, worse still, you may be numb.

"The Most Wonderful Time..." Bah! Humbug!

2010-12-23T01:19:55-08:00

Fairytale-itis is something most little girls contract in childhood. It lies dormant until they kiss their first frog, or Beast, or handsome prince. Then it triggers all kinds of madness including: Not seeing the person in front of your eyes Putting him at the very centre of your world – and yourself on the periphery Disregarding your own needs and wants Doing more back-flips than Andre the seal for a few lousy scraps of affection

How you leave an abusive relationship

2010-12-22T13:45:23-08:00

Everything Susie said was self-critical. She should have jumped by now. She should have left her abusive husband. Susie wasn’t prepared to cut herself any slack at all. Intellectually, she knew everything I - or anyone else - could tell her. But, still, there she was, paralyzed... (Because it’s not what you know with your head that matters; what matters is getting your heart to the point of letting go of a relationship that does NOT work.) Susie’s knowledge hadn’t percolated through to heart level, yet.

Abusive Men – Why They Don’t Want You To Be Happy

2010-11-29T13:40:16-08:00

The abusive man is looking for someone who will serve him 24-7 in various departments of his life: the bedroom, the kitchen, the finance department, parenting – both of his children, and himself – and so on, and so forth. But more than that, the abusive man is someone who will carry a heavy load of loathing - his loathing both for himself and for other people. He is looking for someone he can dump that load on, forever after.

Falling in love stinks when...

2010-11-17T01:55:02-08:00

Falling-In-Love, as far as I can see, is about leaping without looking. Falling-In-Love lays you open to the whole unsavory pack of jerks, abusers, and narcissists. I asked my client whether she would take a job without first finding out about the pay and terms of employment. She sounded surprised. She answered, briskly: “Of course not.” Then she saw the connection. You don’t have to fall in love on Day 1, Day 2, or Day 20. Falling-In-Love is optional, not obligatory – although it is a neat way of silencing the little voice in your head that says: “Er… I don’t think so. This one is NOT for me!”

“What’s wrong with me?”

2010-11-10T08:19:20-08:00

There comes a point in every abusive relationship when you know you should get out. Your abusive partner is making you miserable, you know the relationship is all wrong and, as far as you can see, your life has stopped dead… But still you stay. You know you should leave, but you don’t. Instead, you ask ourself: "What's wrong with me?"

"I'm Not Sure I Am An Abused Woman..."

2010-10-31T08:25:40-07:00

Your husband tells you that you are selfish, self-centred, and you have ruined your his life. What a poor hard done by victim he is! But, also, what a negative, critical, fault-finding, punitive, blaming partner he is. If he’s that unhappy, why hasn't he left you long ago? Unless, the reason he stays with you is because, actually, he enjoys blaming you for ‘ruining his life’… I’m guessing your husband gets a real high out of telling you how awful you are. Now, in my book, that is selfish, and destructive. It is the hallmark of an abusive man.

Good Relationships - 10 Tips

2010-10-19T09:49:35-07:00

You want a wonderful relationship, but do you know what you need to do to create it? These 10 tips will give priceless pointers to what works, what doesn’t, and how to create a great relationship right from the get go - or what went wrong from Day 1 to create the relationship you are in today.

"Why Do You Think It Is So Easy To Change The People-Pleasing Habit?"

2010-10-18T15:47:47-07:00

You've spent your time being nice to - that is doing back flips to please - a man who treats you badly –and, all the while, treating yourself badly, when you could get to treat yourself well. It's never about changing away from being nice. It's all about loving yourself first, and not casting pearls before swine...