On Saturday we held Activate, our 2nd annual small groups conference, where we equip our small group leaders with the resources to successfully lead their groups. Since groups are all about relationships, our best resources are our people.
Beth Bivins is a small group member who started attending Celebrate Recovery in the Spring. Beth shared her life-change testimony with our small group leaders, bringing many to tears, including me. I was so impacted by Beth's story that I asked her to share it with you. Here is her testimony of recovery and support found in Celebrate Recovery and through her small group.
"I am
a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I suffer from self esteem, food
addiction, confidence, rejection, fear, guilt and shame and for many years I
thought no one cared.. For years I have
felt broken, unwanted, unloved and hopeless.
These feelings have festered like wounds. I tell myself that these things are the reason
that I have had risky and harmful behaviors, the reason that I have had many
sexual encounters, the reason that I overeat, the reason that my self esteem
has been nonexistent. I was an unwed mother at 17 years old in high
school, I endured and survived abuse in my first
marriage, I have raised 3 children alone, I have so many
stories I could tell you of hurts. I have dealt with shame and guilt that I felt from my family
after having my son and which sent me into years of depression with low self esteem.
All these
hangups, habits and hurts made me retreat from God and the world. I hid behind a mask that made me feel empty
and alone. When I attended my first Celebrate Recovery group I was very skeptical and the next
day told my colleagues at work and my
small group leader that I would not return to another meeting. My small group
leader sent me a long email encouraging me to try again and broke down the
obstacles that I put in front of myself and the excuses I made. But the next week, I was back. As I sat and listened to the lives of the
women that I was among I felt accepted.
I felt a sense of relief coming over me each week as I walked into that
room….knowing that I could remove the mask I had long hidden behind. I didn’t have to try to prove anything to
anyone. I didn’t have to pretend that
everything was ok and that I was fine. I
didn’t have to do anything but be myself and for that I was accepted and
welcomed with open arms and loving hugs.
I have been in therapy for years trying to break down the walls and
barriers that I put up for myself. I
found myself responding to these hangups, habits and hurts and accepting myself
for who I am in CR ….. something I couldn’t do in therapy. Being able to share my thoughts no matter
what they are without fear was comforting.
Each week I feel blessed with my fellow CR friends as they reach out to
me with a hug, or to just listen, or to check on how I am doing. I will forever be grateful for finding this
group and know that I will continue to grow in the presence of my friends,
confidants and sisters that sincerely care about me. If I am down they are a phone call away and I
am so grateful to them and NHC for offering this wonderful program. It has changed my life and I know it will
continue to impact me and my hangups, habits and hurts. I don’t worry as much as I use to. I feel comfortable speaking and sharing my
life’s experiences, yes, even the bad ones in open share. Everyone has a story and it is amazing that
each week I listen and can relate to something that someone else says. One time or another, we all suffer from
various things that disrupt or interfere with our daily lives. One week it may be jealousy and the next it
may be anger. I may have problems trying
to relate those exact feelings and someone else just nails it on the head and
you agree and admit that is what is wrong. It is a judgment free zone. Each
week a new revelation about myself emerges.
When I see others in pain it makes me realize how much I have to be
grateful for. We work on ourselves from the inside out. It is
a growing experience and changes, which means that we change…..but as the creed
goes “to accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the
difference.” CR works, the people make it work and make you
better. Give it a try."
Beth Bivins