I confess that I don't fully understand it myself. Hence the frequent articles on the subject while I try to get to grips with your body....

Lately, I have been wondering whether conscious thinking is simply irrelevant to life. Whether its only purpose is to come up with stories about 'why' we did whatever we just did.

Meanwhile, Bodymind calmly gets on with doing it with no conscious input from us at all. We are merely the ghostly spectators at a tragedy.

Here is a list of things your Body (Brain) can do without any assistance from you provided you don't damage it with stupid Headmind ideas:

• Store and retrieve memories
  Reject and kill wandering bacteria
  Use emotions to guide you towards correct decisions
  Renew cellular tissue
  Change optical focus and recognise distant objects
  Use awe, wonder and ecstatic states to connect you to God
  Keep you on your feet and maintain your balance
  Synthesise protein
  Deliver energy to the muscles
  Catch a ball
  Initiate and complete the sexual act
  Keep your temperature stable
  Digest food
  Excrete waste products
  Use moods to tell you the state you're in
  Cue you to eat
  Trigger thought processes in the brain
  Detect poisonous substances
  Bond you to other people through hormone release
  Wake you up
  Send you to sleep
  Alert you to danger
  Conceive and give birth to a child
  Send you intuitions about other people's motives
  Control your blood sugar level
  Create passion, drive, the will-to-power

What's left for you to do except provide the commentary, the delusions, the explanations, the complaints, the appreciation and the whingeing?

These TED videos just get better and better.

Here is Jill Bolte Taylor - a Neuroanatomist - talking about her experiencing of having a stroke.

One morning she woke up with a stabbing pain through her eye. She had a blood clot the size of a golf ball in her left brain. It temporarily destroyed her ability to speak, understand letters or numbers and remember faces. She also lost the ability to distinguish between her own body and the rest of the planet, leaving her with a mystical sense of being at one with the universe.

Along the way she talks to us about the difference between left-brain serial processing and right-brain parallel processing. For Jill, the stroke destroyed what we, over here in Reverse Therapy, call Headmind functioning (although I don't agree that this is restricted to the left brain - I suspect that the stroke impaired the frontal cortex instead).

Essentially this means that human beings won't be able to follow the essential principles of Headmind reasoning:

• Why something exists
• How it can be understood
• What caused it
• What it's purpose is

Meaning that Jill was left, instead, with the speechless, in-the-moment, intuitive, wordless, child-like awareness of the universe that comes through unfiltered Bodymind.

Thanks to Marta Juni, our Reverse Therapy Ambassador in Barcelona, for drawing my attention to this YouTube tape.

First, understand what depression actually is.

Depression is not an emotion like sadness. It is an empty, numbed-out sensation which comes up when Headmind despairs and gives up on experience. It then starts suppressing emotions on the grounds that they are too painful to deal with. The result is that inner feeling of emptiness that makes life seem pointless.

To avoid getting into that state, here are some things to watch out for:

1. Recognise the symptoms

1. Lethargy
2. Loss of concentration
3. Apathy
4. Loss of interest in people and activities
5. Deterioration in sleep patterns
6. Changes in eating and appetite

N.B. You need to have at least FOUR of these

2. Understand that de-pressing is something you do rather than something that happens to you. You de-press your emotions when you:

• Bury your head in the sand when difficult situations come up
• Run away instead of speaking up about your emotions
• Stay too long in dead-end jobs and relationships
• Give away your personal power to other people
• Talk like a victim
• Bury your anger or your frustration for too long instead of doing something about it
• Live a tedious, monotonous, stuck-in-a-rut lifestyle to the point where your personal Bodymind goes crazy with boredom
• Fail to forgive and move on from people who have hurt you in the past

Start reversing these patterns now.

2. Eliminate Anxiety from your life. Anxiety is the number one most common precursor of clinical depression. When the panic gets too much your Bodymind will try and numb it out by triggering chemical releases that slow the system down. Use Reverse Thinking to eliminate those Head fucks now.

3. Don't give any air time to depressive thoughts. That includes ideas like: 'I might as well die', 'Nobody cares', 'There's no point trying to...'. Don't fight these thoughts   - just ignore them. Turn your attention to full-on activities that completely absorb your attention. It takes practice, but doing this every time you notice a depressing thought eventually drives them away for good.

At this point I refer you to my previous article on Effective Thinking Skills.

4. Do the endorphin-releases.

Because it is physically impossible for someone to feel depressed while their body is full of endorphins...

5. Invest as much time as you can in your community.

Clinical depression tends to be more severe and longer-lasting in people who live alone or who are in someway isolated from the community. People who keep their friendships alive are also at lee risk.

6. Practice the art of love.

Again, research shows that many depressed people are in unhappy relationships. If you can't show more loving, or if it is not reciprocated, then it may be time to move on.

7. Keep talking

In my work as a therapist I am constantly amazed by how very few people have learnt the art of speaking up about their emotions, needs and dissatisfactions. The more you bottle things up, the more overloaded with frustration, anger, and fear you are going to get. Until there comes the point when Headmind will try and de-press them.

8. Avoid procrastinating

I see this problem very clearly in people who get depressed over work. The work-load, the problems and the deadlines build up until they get overwhelmed. Or they put off talking to the boss, the ass-hole colleague, or the lazy employee until their behavior is out of control. Eventually, they give up and start de-pressing their fears. They even give up on finding a new job.

9. Revitalise.

This essentially means making the most of your personal genius. If you are constantly elated by new directions in your life you are going to maximise your joy and excitement, not your anxieties. As well as that, you won't have time to get depressed, and, if you do get down, you will have plenty of alternatives to turn to.

10. Don't exaggerate your depressed moods.

It's a little known fact that depressed people are only in fact 'depressed' for - on average - one hour a day. The rest of the time they are sleeping, having a crap, eating, dreaming, getting annoyed at someone, reading low-rent blog sites....

The fact that you are blue for half an hour doesn't mean you have stay that way. Get working on one of the previous 9 tips right away.

'A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying it needs work.'

Geoffrey Norman.

This is a guest article written by a friend and neighbor of mine. I first met 'Dolores' a few months ago while she was recovering from Fibromyalgia, and we had lots of talks about that painful condition, and what it means to be truly well.

I am publishing this, firstly, because it is well written and, secondly, because it points to the solution for conditions like Fibromyalgia. Myofascial pain, Tension myositis and many other non-specific pain conditions. May it give hope to all those sufferers out there.

'Dolores' in real life is also a journalist, which makes her article doubly interesting for me. I notice that journalists, like teachers and social workers, are especially vulnerable to non-specific illness - or what I nowadays call HPA Disorder.

Call me Dolores. It means ‘pains’ or ‘sorrows’ and it’s ironic because it’s so not me!

Four years ago, I received a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia for the aching, burning, stabbing, needle-jabbing, lightning-striking nightmare that my life had become.

Two years before that, after disappointments and illness in my teaching career, I had become a freelance journalist, which offered time for gardening and smelling the roses. But as I got deeper into work, fatigue set in. I just couldn’t balance my husband’s and family’s needs with my own intellectual curiosity. Two summers on, the roses had faded and gardening made me ache all over. I became Dolores, a real ‘lady of sorrows’.

Life became a jungle of fatigue, resentment and sheer agony. My local GPs diagnosed Fibromyalgia and suggested treatment with CBT, amytriptyline, as well as light exercise. But, being a 'positive thinker', I rejected the implication that I needed psychological help.

Steadily, and in spite of perpetual, nagging pains in the wrist, hip and shoulders, my career advanced. By last summer, my CV was looking great, but I was in excruciating pain and my marriage was a very lonely place to be.

Then two bereavements came within a fortnight and my husband went away for a week. Oh Dolores! Did I feel abandoned!

The turning point was reached; Dolores had to go. I visualised a new me, did some research on chronic myofascial pain and sought treatment for and this and other physical problems that had been hiding. I noticed my symptoms gradually lessening as I exercised or meditated; I developed some endorphin-raising tricks and started to regain a sense of relaxation. And I learned to notice the happenings that made that relaxation evaporate.

Around this time, I discovered Reverse Therapy and quickly learned how my symptoms were linked to my emotions. I met John Eaton and shared my experiences with him. I found him honest, challenging and fun, a good listener who is also unshockable.

I recognised my difficulties in communicating my emotions and worked hard on responding calmly, instead of burying my anger. Soon, people began to treat me better.

I now appreciate how much more sensitive I am than others and so make more appropriate choices. And, by taking responsibility for my own happiness, I get to smell roses - real or metaphorical - every day. Key to my health and happiness is the realisation that my emotions, played out through my physical sensations, must be respected.

'Dolores' has gone. I am simply me.

If only my GP could have referred me to John or someone like him early on, my family and I could have been spared years of agony and aggro. But as western medicine is currently systemised, there is a chasm where the emotional health provision should be.

My case is all too common. Or is it? After all, I’m not Dolores any more. So who is?

Last week I took an email relating to Why do we lose it? from Patrick Murray (thanks!) asking: how do you stay out of road rage?

What do you do when you are in a car and other drivers tailgate you? Drive dangerously? Cut in front of you? Insult you? Block your right of way? How do we stay cool in circumstances like this?

Patrick also points out that driving is getting more and more stressful, and that crowded roads often mean we are often under pressure to get somewhere on time - which adds to the frustrations of driving. Which makes it more likely that people will develop road rage.

On the basis that you cannot solve a problem by using the same kind of thinking that created it lets use Reverse Thinking on this one. That means looking around the problem instead of trying to fix it directly.

First up, then, is that it makes sense not to drive in the city or on a motorway if you can possibly avoid it. Five years ago I used to drive into London three times a week. Nowadays, I don't drive there at all - I get the train instead. Simply because I don't need the hassle.

Second up is this:

Road rage isn't caused by other drivers, no matter how badly they behave. It's caused by your own thinking and your attitude towards travel. It's also triggered by the amount of frustration you are already carrying when you get behind the wheel.

This is obvious from the fact that some drivers never get road rage, while some get it all the time.

Here are some of the things I have noticed about people in the first group.

• They drive slowly.
• They don't take things personally.
• They are good at handling frustration.
• They avoid getting into 'races with other drivers.
• They are skilled at switching their attention away from bad driving and onto something else (e.g., the radio station, the passenger next to them, their plans for the afternoon).

And here's what the rest of us do:

• We drive too fast
• We are always in a rush to get somewhere else
• We look for - and usually find - disrespectful behavior in other people
• We spend too much time stuck in frustration
• We unconsciously see driving as a competition
• We view the road space we are on as our own personal territory

So what really happens in road rage is something like this: we are already primed for it before we get in the car. In a sense, we are already in a rage before we start driving. Other drivers' bad behavior triggers it, but does not cause it.

The bottom line is that if you really have to drive then add extra time on for your journey, load up with some good CDs, and drive in the slow lane all the way there.

And keep doing those breathing exercises.

This is the last but one in the series on handling rage.

Today we are focusing on how you can manage your life so that you don't have to go berserk.

Remember that rage happens when people become victims and can't deal with their emotional imperatives any more. If you work every day with your emotions and Bodymind there is no earthly reason why you should flip.

Here are my twelve best ways to deal with frustration before you go nuclear:

Stop being a victim.

Regaining your personal power means looking at the things you can influence, and leaving the rest well alone. Focus on what you can change and leave the rest.

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind here:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.       

Exercise.

You may have noticed that most of the people in the videos are either unfit or overweight. There is, in fact, a lot of evidence to show that people who don't exercise get more stressed (and enraged) than those who don't. Which brings us to the next point:

Endorphin release.

I have already written about this subject elsewhere in this blog. The more of these cute little morphine pills your brain produces, the less likely you are to lose it. Frequent, regular exercise has so far been shown to be the best way to make that happen.

Relaxation.

When we live most of the time in our heads we are habitually tense and on edge - waiting for (and even setting up) an ever-fresh supply of crises which feed the victim pose. As a result your Bodymind starts to use adrenalin instead of glucose energy in order to keep going. Each time you consciously relax you are sending a signal to Bodymind that it can stand down from that. If you need help relaxing you can download my podcast on deep relaxation here.

Slow down.

If you are constantly in a rush then you are not going to be efficient at what you do. You will make mistakes and, the more you make, the more your frustrations will mount. Interestingly, I have noticed that people who move too fast, or speak too fast, will tend to be Headmind types. One thing we teach people in Reverse Therapy is to move and speak at least 50% slower than the usual speed.

Learn to live in the moment

This is really a continuation of the previous solution. When you practice Awareness you will automatically go into your body-rhythmic approach to life, rather than the headless chicken one that belongs to headmind. The practice of tai chi, yoga, qi gung, breath meditation, etc are all excellent ways of fostering this.

Avoid wind-ups.

No matter how hard you try there are always going to be people and situations that press your buttons. So give them a body-swerve instead. If Call Centres do it to you then don't call them. If there are TV programs that get you going, then don't watch them. If you have annoying people in your life then don't visit.

Look for a better way.

If there are situations that regularly wind you up and you can't avoid them at all then find a better way. I recall one client of mine who used to get completely stressed out by rush-hour traffic and, when she got home, would indulge in some rage behavior on her children and her partner before reaching for the bottle. That problem was partly solved when she negotiated flexible working hours instead of having to leave at 5 o'clock.

Cut down on stimulants.

If you are overdosing on caffeine or another adrenalin trigger, then cut it out. You are sending entirely the wrong signal to Bodymind.

Improve your work-life balance.

As a rough rule of thumb, your body needs twenty minutes back for every hour of work you do (that includes work you do for your partner, your children, your family, and your home). So, if you work a thirty-five hour week you need to be spending around twelve hours a week doing things with yourself and other people that keep you fit, happy and sane.

Practice saying 'No'.

For more on using this very useful word see 10 ways to get your life back.

Move on from dead-ends.

If, despite your best efforts to solve the situation, you are still trapped in that dead-end job or relationship, then start making plans. It may take time for you to extract yourself, but do something every day to move on to something better.

This post is about avoiding people who are in a rage. A while ago, in Losing It 2 Wendy related the story about a friend of hers whose driver-friend suddenly flipped when her car got stuck. She asked: 'What should we do in situations like that?'

Well, I have been thinking this one over fairly carefully and was tempted to give lots of smart answers. But my strict sense of the truth is that the best thing people should do is get the hell out of there.

When people go into one they don't listen to advice any more. In fact, they don't listen at all. And trying to give them advice will enrage them even more. You are likely to be abused yourself.

The reason for this is that when people have an amygdala hijack they lose touch with reality. They have lost it. Their emotions have taken them over. It's a bit like having a panic attack, or having a non-stop crying jag. Bodymind has seized the opportunity to dump all that rage, frustration and grief.

But, worse still, when people go specifically into rage they also indulge in self-pity - they see themselves as victims who somehow have a right to have a blast at the rest of us. It's that self-righteousness that makes them impervious to reality, and that keeps stoking up the rage.

So - take my advice Wendy - open that car door and start running. Doing that might even give the other person a shock and calm them down. You may even get an apologetic phone call the next day.

Image by Mooganic

Have you ever so-nearly-lost-it when someone yells into a mobile phone next to you on the train? Then this final video in the series on nuclear rage could ring bells for you.

Technically, running berserk like this is known as an amygdala hijack. If you were to google that phrase you would get some very superficial explanations of why people have them. On the lines of the so-called 'rational mind' being taken over by an 'irrational', 'primitive' part of the emotional brain = the amygdala - which keeps on stoking up the nervous system with 'stress hormones' (adrenalin and noradrenalin).

But if Bodymind is so dumb and Headmind is so smart, how come it doesn't come up with some strategies for heading off the problem before frustration takes over? Why, for example, does the guy in this film not politely ask the girl to quieten down? And why does the thinking apparatus wait so long before doing anything at all?

Reverse Thinking shows us where the truth lies: it's Headmind that is dumb. All that Bodymind is doing here is pressing the alarm button to tell us that an intolerable situation cannot be allowed to continue. But Headmind won't listen because it is disempowered. And has cornered you into becoming a victim.

You are a victim if you:

• Do not give yourself permission to protest
• Scare yourself with disaster stories instead of speaking out
• Imagine that speaking up is rude, bad, selfish, anti-social, etc

It may be that you are not a victim - it's just that you have never learned how to assert yourself (it continually amazes me how few people have ever been taught to speak out nicely, and with emotional intelligence).

Next up, I will write more about how to handle people who have gone berserk, and how to head off rage before it happens to you.

        "Passion torments him as his rage mingles with his grief."

         Virgil

The YouTube video I posted two days ago showing an office worker totally losing it on CCTV has now been taken off the air - possibly for legal reasons. So here is a replacement video, showing a variety of office rages. They all make the same point as the last one: that people who hold it in too long, do, eventually, go berserk.

Meanwhile, I have received an email from Wendy, one of my regular readers, who relates the following story:

"I was talking with a friend last night who told me of an experience he had with a particularly woman who picks him up to go to meetings and said exactly what you described about 'the calm docile type', and was quite shocked at her reaction when she her car got stuck in turning around point. This usually very calm, docile, person completely lost it! He was very embarrassed and he didn't quite know what to do to help her or the situation. Needless to say he is not keen to travel with her anymore."

Wendy asks: What do you suggest we do as 'First Aid' when this happens?"

I will return to this subject on Friday.   

Apparently, this is a real-life video caught on CCTV which shows one office worker totally losing it.

I am fascinated by scenes like this, partly, because I once lost it myself when working in a factory one hot summer while I was a student (I didn't actually trash the place but picked out every single manager one by one and insulted them until I got sacked).

Superficial people see rage as an irrational loss of control. Readers of this blog know that it is actually a problem that occurs when people try to be too rational and so they suppress their mounting frustration. In my last article on this subject, I described how frequent, low-key expressions of anger will head off nuclear rage.

My observation is that most people who do rage come into one of two categories:

1. The docile, easy-going, passive, conformist person who suddenly loses it.

OR

2. Mr or Mrs 'Angry' who fumes at everything because they are not really addressing their deep disatisfaction with the way their lives actually work.

Do you have any good observations or stories about rage?

Write me and let me know.