Every night I go to bed and swear that it will be different. Every morning I wake up and realize that it’s the same.

Every night I dream about long walks by the pond. Every morning I wake up and realize that it is a long walk down the stairs.

Every night I think about the projects I want to take on. Every morning I realize that I will have to be satisfied with doing what is necessary.

Every night I imagine that I am going to be fit and strong and healthy. Every morning I realize that I must be patient with myself as I live with a chronic illness.

Sometimes, I get so mad and long for things to be different, particularly when I remember how I was before Fibromyalgia came into my life. I was so active then, a whirlwind who ran from place to place. Now, when I am having a bad day, I try not to think too much about the pain I feel when air touches my skin. When I have a good day, I try to remember not to overdo it because if I do, I will pay with weeks of bad days.

Every life is filled with challenges that teach us why we must have compassion for others who struggle. Fibromyalgia is one of mine.

Today, I am doing my best to be grateful for the lessons I am learning as I learn to be bendable to God’s will for me.

(The sound in the background is my ceiling fan. It’s super annoying. I need to get Gary to fix it!)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gjgYtKukw0

I was sick.

Now, I’m better.

I was afraid.

Now, I’m brave.

I was sad.

Now, I’m happy.

A lot has happened to me the past few weeks including a virus-that-turned-into-a-sinus-infection-and-kept-me-in-bed-for-week-as-I-drowned-in-reruns-on-the-TV-while-eating-Twizzlers-because-that-was-all-I-could-stand-to-do, my 35th-high-school-reunion-which-I-swore-I-would-never-go-to-because-some-people-were-so-mean-to-me-that-I-never-wanted-to-see-them-again-but-my-best-friend-Martha-begged-me-to-go-so-hard-that-I-couldn’t-say-no-but-it-was-okay-after-all-because-I-discovered-that-I-really-truly-have-gotten-over-everything-the-mean-kids-said-and-did-and-couldn’t-care-less-what-anybody-thinks-of-me-because-I-have-learned-to-believe-in-myself-and-that-feels-very-good-and-so-if-anybody-that-was-mean-to-me-randomly-happens-to-read-this-post-I-am-saying-that-I-forgive-you-completely-and-I-hope-you-have-a-nice-life, AND I had the best 4th of July ever because-I-had-three-grandkids-playing-in-the-backyard-and-twirling-sprinklers-when-just-eighteen-months-ago-I-had-nothing-but-one-missing-grandson-who-has-disappeared-for-seven-years-because-his-mother-took-him-away-to-hide-him-from-my-son-which-has-made-me-sad-for-a-long-time-but-this-year-my-son-married-Melody-who-came-with-ten-year-old-Travis-who-needed-a-dad-and-now-he-has-one-and-I-have-two-granddaughters-to-boot-and-this-morning-we-took-our-three-year-old-cutie-who-wore-white-sandals-with-blue-flowers-on-the-top-to-the-parade-and-it-was-a-dream-come-true-and-so-the-whole-day-ended-up-better-than-I-could-have-ever-imagined-especially-because-my-son-Andrew-made-me-a-S’more-made-with-blue-marshmallow-stars.

Sweet.

AND yesterday I ate four double-stuffed Oreos which Martha awarded me at the reunion because her sister Elizabeth reads my writing all of the time and she knows that I love Oreos. (Hey Elizabeth! I loved the label you made for the Oreo package!)

Double-stuffed sweet.

By the way, Miss Baylee has become so talented that she can stuff both of her feet and her hands into her mouth at once. AND she always smiles for Grandma which means that she is uber smart.

Quadrupled-stuffed sweet.

The End.

Bye now.

Celeste grew up. Celeste found a hero. He proposed. They married. They began planning their future.

And then Multiple Sclerosis moved in and dramatically changed the outcome.

Please watch this video and meet Celeste.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeAdWkl_WQA

Celeste’s brave family has spent the last ten years battling Celeste’s M.S.  and have tried everything they could find to help her. Recently, they found a new treatment that looks very promising, but it will be expensive to get her to the doctor – meaning, physically there – and they will have to take her there multiple times. And, of course, there will be doctor’s bills and so on and so on…

There was a time when Celeste wanted to conquer the world.  Now, her goal is simply to “be vertical.”

If you’d like to help Celeste, you may do so through the Celeste Oldham fund. Any amount will be greatly appreciated – no matter how small it might be. And, of course, prayers are always welcome!

—-

Celeste is Gary’s niece and our sweetheart.

Tonight I…

• went to dinner with some friends. Had fried green pickles (a new – and not altogether unpleasant – experience).
• planted two beds of flowers in the twilight.
• sat on my back porch and stared at a fire in my gas fire pit.
• opened all of the windows in the family room to blow away the burnt popcorn smell (No one has yet claimed responsibility for the bag of charcoal located in the microwave…).
• did a “quick” peek at my blog.
• decided that the front page layout of the blog was bugging me.
• installed a new template.
• customized the new template.
• attempted to fix the footer.
• installed two plug-ins, meant to simplify editing the footer.
• uninstalled and deleted two plug-ins.
• edited the functions.php page.
• blew up the functions.php page, which broke the blog.
• uploaded a new functions.php page via FTP.
• edited the functions.php page.
• blew up the functions.php page, which broke the blog.
• uploaded a new functions.php page via FTP.
• gave up editing the footer.
• figured out how to put excerpts on the category pages.
• fixed the Scrap Girls blog so that it, too, only showed excerpts on the category pages.
• checked email.
• closed some computer windows.
• did not close the windows in the family room because the burnt popcorn smell was still quite…ehhhh….stinky.
• checked email.
• ate some chocolate.

But WOO HOO! I did it!

The blog has been updated so that you can see a couple of whole posts right from the front page. Then it does this cool thing with the older posts, but I’ll let you discover what it does yourself. Hit the Older Posts” link to see the show.

I think I better stop playing around with it now.

P.S. Please do not tell my mother  – or anyone else – that I have stayed up so late playing around with my blog. They might take my Oreos away.

P.S.S. I am tired.

It was such a small act. Miss Baylee became fussy during dinner. Her father tried to balance the wiggly baby on his lap while attempting to hold a bottle of juice with one hand and feed himself with the other.

Always a step ahead of me, Gary took Miss Baylee from her father and carried her to his favorite rocking recliner. It didn’t take long before grandpa and baby fell asleep for a sound Father’s Day nap. When Gary finally woke up, he saw the handmade card the mother of the baby (his only daughter) had carefully placed on his lap.

It was such a small thing – the little gift of service Gary offered his son-in-law, but added to an endless life full of similar kind acts, it’s easy to understand why Gary is the center-heart of our home.

We are all blessed to have him in our lives.

Blogging about empty malls, my friends, is the sort of thing a bored mother does at 11:43 p.m while waiting for her son to come out of a movie. I could wax poetic about an empty mall being symbolic of something or another, but at this hour my mind is too empty of intelligent thought to cooperate.

[Insert punchline here.]

Ba-da-boom!

…I dote on this four-month-old wonderkin and smother her squishy cheeks with kisses everytime I get a chance.

Miss Baylee = Good times

Photos: Taken with my cellphone because I rarely have the wits about me to get my good camera out these days. Edited with Picsay Pro because they needed a little help and I am too lazy to download them to my computer so that I can do it right.

But you get the point…I am wild about this child.

Have you ever noticed that an interesting independent bookstore – like the one I stumbled on last week when I was in Durango – smells so wonderful that it’s hard not to throw yourself at the shelves and sob like a dog who has found his long-lost best friend?

Have you ever wanted to press a giant novel to your forehead so that the words could be transmitted into your brain via a paper-head meld?

Have you ever wanted to lick the covers of new books to see if they are as delicious as they look?

Have you ever wanted to stuff a stack of books inside of your shirt so that they can be closer to your heart than the logo on your polo?

Actually…neither have I…

But since that last one is quite dramatic (and since I am not currently in a bookstore where a confused clerk can stop me from sticking a top-seller under my lime green pajama top), I think I’ll try it out right now.

Please excuse me for a moment. I’ll be back.

(Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.)

Well…now…that was an odd experience. And, as it so happens, completely unsatisfactory. I can now confidentally say that reading The Passage by Justin Cronin is far better than using it as a belly warmer.

Just in case you were wondering.

….

Photo: A small peek at the wonders to be found in Maria’s Bookstore, located in the heart of Durango, CO. If you ever go to Durango, don’t miss it. Such fun!

“The problem is not that we’re not believers: Most of us are. The problem is that we too often keep our “belief” or even our “faith” separate from the rest of our lives as though spirituality is some separate corner of life, distinct from our bodies or relationships or work lives or any other practical concerns.

“God has enough to think about,” people often say, as though we shouldn’t bother Him with our petty problems. But there is no spot in the universe that isn’t filled, infused, permeated, and lifted by [God]. Your Creator can’t be left out, except in your thinking. He can’t help you [when you don't consider Him]. Let Him help you…and He will!”
(Marrianne Williamson A Course in Weight Loss)

……
Photos: Durango, CO Sunset – June 2011. Taken from the back of Jeff’s Secret Headquarters.