If Taylor Swift doesn't win Entertainer of the Year at tonight's CMAs (ABC, 8 p.m.), I'll streak the Dallas Bull. AVERT YOUR EYES!
Dear Busch Gardens,
I recently took my daughters to your theme park. We were having a swell time with your rides and attractions — until I had to take my youngest, apparently the victim of too much popcorn, to the restroom, a men’s room to be exact. Mai-Mai is 21 months old, which means (1) she still wears a diaper but (2) she fills that diaper as if she were a midsized African elephant, an animal with which you’re quite familiar. So imagine my surprise, Busch Gardens, when I discovered that your diaper changing table in said lavatory was not only wobbly (Mai-Mai thought it was another ride -- wee!) but that it was, inexplicably, a solid 15-yard touchdown strike from the nearest trash receptacle.
So as Mai-Mai, in my left hand, tested the not-so-strength of your changing table — boing! boing! — I pondered the ghastly diaper bomb in my right hand. My options were scant: (1) Heave ho the Huggie, a perilous toss to the ridiculously far trash can to be sure or (2) drop the diaper to the ground, which I did. Alas, upon hitting the floor, the elephantine diaper flapped open, revealing the horror to a father and son, who recoiled as if faced with an army of flesh-eating zombies. I then put Mai-Mai down so I could deal with the offending diaper; my youngest daughter instantly woddled to a urinal and started splashing around -- wee!
In closing, Busch Gardens, this playlist is for you:
Changes, David Bowie
Diaper, Meat Puppets
Blow Out, Radiohead
Hot Mess, Ashley Tisdale
That Smell, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wiggle Wiggle, Bob Dylan
Move It on Over, Hank Williams
Daddy’s Girl, Peter Cetera
Throwing It All Away, Genesis
Baby Elephant Walk, Henry Mancini
* The Stuck in the '80s tandem of Daly and Spears continues to bicker about the 10 Best John Cusack Movies -- this time, in the newspaper. RAGE FORTH.
* St. Pete Times film critic Steve Persall pens a downright brilliant critique on new Cusack disaster-porn flick 2012. READ THAT.
* And for your lunchtime listening pleasure, cue up our John Cusack podcast. LISTEN HERE.
Carrie Underwood and I have a complicated relationship.
READ ABOUT OUR TWISTED LOVE.
If you ever wonder what happens to your keen playlist suggestions and related audience participation, you should know that a lot of it winds up in the Sunday paper. Sure, I take all the credit, thus bamboozling loyal reader Madge in Clearwater into thinking I'm some sort of pop-culture savant. (Madge, it should be noted, also thinks "cats are just like people.") But I do appreciate each and every one of you.
Anyway, Sunday's Pop Life column in the Floridian section of the St. Pete Times is where you guys usually show up. It's art-designed by my genius friend Girl Thursday (aka Holly Ringwald) and copy edited/policed by my brilliant pal Dawn. I hope you guys get a chance to see the real ink-on-paper deal sometime. It's a great-looking page. Alas, the Web version of the column isn't very nice at all. But here you go anyway: the Cracker Barrel Playlist (I like the final version a lot better actually), the most melodic TV 'toons (a little different than the blog one) and the Glee soundtrack. CHECK IT OUT.
By the way, it's getting time to shoot more of these nutty column shots. We're looking for costume ideas, so let 'er rip. You know me: There's not much I WON'T wear, mantyhose included. Whatever you suggest, I'm sure Halloween Queen Stephanie Hayes has in her zany closet at home.
When you’re the father of two wee daughters — ages five and 21 months to be exact — the process of accepting their incessant “car music” comes in three stages:
(1) I bet the Jonas Brothers can’t throw a football.
(2) If Miley Cyrus were my daughter, that would make me Billy Ray Cyrus, which would make me cry a great deal.
(3) Okay, fine, maybe Dora the Explorer shouldn’t be tied to the outside of the space shuttle.
You eventually get used to the songs, singing along with your brood solely as a matter of self-preservation. But there’s rarely genuine enjoyment involved. That’s what makes the music of Phineas and Ferb, the Disney Channel’s No. 1 animated series for kids six to 14, such a revelation. The story of two inventive brothers, an exasperated older sis and a pet platypus named Perry (who’s also a secret agent), Phineas and Ferb blends sly humor, slapstick -- and some of the best ’toon tunage in TV history. (Gitchee Gitchee Goo is pure power-pop goodness.)
It also got me thinking of 10 other great televised ’toons that consistently mastered melody far beyond having a catchy theme song. Feel free to sing along:Merrie Melodies (1931-1969) Nothing makes me laugh harder than Bugs Bunny calling that sinister square dance for those warring hillbillies. “Grab a fencepost, hold it tight /Womp your partner with all your might!”
Spongebob Squarepants (1999-?) Surrealism has never been so catchy. “The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the tiiime.” When Spongie comes on my iPod, I rarely skip ahead.
The Simpsons (1989-?) Wow, where to start with the Springfield spoofery? How about Flaming Moe’s, Lisa It’s Your Birthday and The Monorail Song. Oh, and Rock Me, Dr. Zaius.
South Park (1997-?) Thei nfamouscombo platter of R. Kelly, Tom Cruise and Trapped in the Closet helped Matt Stone and Trey Parker score an Emmy nom.
The Flintstones (1960-1966) Remember the Bedrock Twitch? “When you get an itch, you do the Twitch, in Bedrock! Twitch! Twitch!”
The Jackson 5ive (1971-1973) Okay, this is a bit of cheat, as the songs were already album cuts — and the animation was crappy. But it proved that cartoon madcappery is instantly made cooler when soundtracked by MJ & Co.Schoolhouse Rock! (1973-1985, 1993-1999) Three Is a Magic Number, Conjunction Junction, Lolly Lolly Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here — all written by the saintly Bob Dorough for ABC’s great edu-snippets. You’d be surprised (or not) at how often I still rely on those songs.
Family Guy (1999-2002, 2005-?) Seth MacFarlane creeps me out. But songs a la Everything Is Better With a Bag of Weed are a twisted brand of genius.
The Peanuts Holiday Specials (1965, 1966, 1973) Not only is it the greatest ’toon tune, but Vince Guaraldi’s Linus and Lucy is jazz piano perfection — and an instant mood-enhancer.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) The correct lyrics for Welcome Christmas? “Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze! Welcome Christmas! Come this way!”
I should apologize now to all 68-year-old divorcees and related Neil Diamond fans. I usually love cheesy Neil. I even love gooey, greasy Velveeta Neil. But his new Cherry Cherry Christmas is a stinker. Of course, I'm obviously delirious, 'cause I somehow liked David Archuleta's yuletide offering, that cute lil' Disneyfied eunuch. For all the ho-ho hits, READ THIS, BOYS AND GIRLS.
I don't hate the Xanadu-meets-Road Warrior cover art for Adam Lambert's debut album, In fact, it's so out-and-proud, you have to appreciate the sparkly-font, fingerless-glove brazeness of it all. And I like the list of his songwriters: Pink, Justin Hawkins, Green Day producer Rob Cavallo. But title track and first single For Your Entertainment sounds like a synthetic Justin Timberlake-in-spandex cut, which is sorta of like saying it sounds like fake polyester. It's pretty weak. Of course, the buzz and marketing behind this album, out Nov. 23, are almost guaranteeing it'll ship platinum. Anyway, check out the song, and let me know what you think. GO HERE FOR ALL YOUR GLAMBERT NEEDS.
They all help pay off David Foster's three ex-wives. How do I know this? Because while you were out gallavanting Friday, having the time of your young, fruitful lives, I was working.
Weezer
Album: Raditude (Geffen)
In stores: Nov. 3
When Weezy met Weezer: Rivers Cuomo likes to play the shlub, the social misfit, and his power-pop band’s best albums (Pinkerton, Maladroit) revolve around his perversions. At the same time, the Weezer frontman is famous for lugging around a notebook with which he searches for the Ultimate Hit Formula, a sad sack in search of hap-hap-happiness. New album Raditude lets us know that Cuomo is growing out of his insecurities — and getting closer to that magical pairing of notes and beats. It also means that any sort of emotional complexity has been abandoned for an exclusive assault of roller-rink rock and Fonzie fantasies. This is, by far, the band’s most ecstatic offering, 10 tracks and 34 minutes of verse-hook-verse that rarely goes dark. Instead, it’s delirious, as Cuomo reaches out to R&B producer Jermaine Dupri and rap star Lil Wayne for the funky-white-boy strut of Can’t Stop Partying. On Love Is the Answer, Weezer incorporates traditional Indian instruments into an uplifting message. And there’s plenty of classic jangle-pop fun, from the NBA-arena stomp of The Girl Got Hot to the nerd-pop drive of (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To. The album has all the nutritional content of a Drake's Cake, and you know the bespectacled frontman can write this stuff in his sleep. Then again, is there anyone with catchier dreams that Rivers Cuomo?
Reminds us of: Amid all the thrusty drums and “Whoa-oh-oh” shout-outs on The Girl Got Hot, Cuomo sneaks in a great Kiki Dee reference. You think Don’t Go Breaking My Heart is mentioned in his magical notebook? I bet it is.
Download these: The Girl Got Hot, I Don’t Want to Let You Go and I’m Your Daddy
Grade: A
After four weeks of counting down the grisliest, ghouliest Halloween hits, I was ready to move on to a brighter, happier playlist. The Baby Feet Playlist, perhaps. Or maybe the Puffy Unicorn Stickers Playlist. But then I received the most awesome PR email in the history of PR emails. On Nov. 16, in a rare public appearance, Stephen King will speak at Sarasota’s Van Wezel Hall. You can go to http://www.vanwezel.org for tickets, and read all about it in the Critics Circle blog. But make sure to save a ticket for me. Along with Mark Twain and John Irving, King is my preferred man of letters, a populist with vampire fangs. It shouldn’t have taken late-career endorsements by The New Yorker and lit critics to confirm his standing, but the more the merrier, I guess. I always tell new King readers to start with Misery and Night Shift; save The Stand for the long, hot summer of your 16th year. Anyway, let’s celebrate the arrival of the macabre master, whose new novel, Under the Dome, will be published on Nov. 10. I used the Ramones’ Pet Sematary for our Halloween rundown, but here are 10 other cuts nodding to King novels. See ya in Sarasota, Constant Readers.
Christine Sixteen, Kiss
Talisman, the Guess Who
Miss Misery, Elliott Smith
Firestarter, the Prodigy
Tower of Song, Leonard Cohen
Carrie, Europe
Desperation Samba, Jimmy Buffett
Stand, R.E.M.
From a Buick 6, Bob Dylan
The Shining, Badly Drawn Boy
On the list of people you never want to find under the mistletoe, you gotta rank Kathy Griffin up there pretty high. Like maybe right after Dick Cheney but ahead of, like, everyone else in the entire world, living or dead. But maybe that's me? Maybe you have no problems with this album cover, on which the comedienne is presumably exposing her naughty bits to an unfortunately situated St. Nick?
Griffin's wistfully titled holiday disc, Suckin' It for the Holidays, is one of myriad Santa season discs stacked high on my work desk right now. I'm currently listening to the soundtrack of A Christmas Story, which is just now being released 26 years after the movie's release. Ralphie's flick isn't famous for its music, but it's sweet and funny and engrained in our DNA, so kudos to the folks at Rhino for finally putting it out there.
Here are the other new holiday albums I'll be working through: Bob Dylan -- Christmas in the Heart
Sting -- If on a Winter's Night
Neil Diamond -- A Cherry Cherry Christmas
Michael McDonald -- This Christmas
Sugarland -- Gold and Green"
Tori Amos -- Midwinter Graces
REO Speedwagon -- Not So Silent Night
Connie Talbot -- Holiday Magic
The Dan Band -- Ho
Various Artists -- Putumayo Presents A Family Christmas
David Archuleta -- Christmas From the Heart
The Twilight Saga: New Moon Soundtrack (Atlantic)
In stores: Now
Bella Notte: This moody, mesmerizing soundtrack, filled with sullen reverb and gothy melancholy, didn’t have to be this good to sell huge. In fact, it could have been an hour of gastrointestinal squips, and young folks would have still gobbled the album in record numbers. Author Stephenie Meyer’s vampire series — about mopey girl Bella Swan and neck-hungry luvah Edward Cullen — sells like gangbusters in any form: books, movies, albums, creepy figurines that thirtysomething mothers of two keep asking for much to the chagrin of their rock-critic fiances. New Moon the film, a sequel to last year’s Twilight, doesn’t hit theaters until Nov. 20, but its soundtrack might be the best thing the franchise has offered up so far. Instead of opting for catchy, obvious rock hits — a la Paramore’s Decode from the Twilight soundtrack — producers went for hip: Indie royals Death Cab for Cutie, Grizzly Bear and Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke contribute complex art-rock ruminations, all parts buzz, drone and lament. L.A. alt-folk outfit Sea Wolf offers a kickin’ number called The Violet Hour, which sounds like a slightly sour Violent Femmes cut. Even the ballads are intricate, including Bon Iver and St. Vincent’s creepy choral Rosyln.
Reminds us of: I’m so getting stuck with the kids on Nov. 20. Any of you dads want to have a play date?
Download these: Meet Me on the Equinox (Death Cab for Cutie), Rosyln (Bon Iver and St. Vincent) and The Violet Hour (Sea Wolf)
Grade: A
Here you go, boys and graverobbers, the finale to our Ultimate Halloween Playlist. I’m lovin’ all 40 cuts on the countdown, although there were two tough omissions. Loyal Pop Life reader Bill S. made repeated pleas to get Vanilla Fudge’s Season of the Witch included. Alas, I couldn’t squeeze it in. But if you live in Pasco, Bill promises to set up speakers outside his house and crank the ’68 creepfest for brave trick-or-treaters. That’s the evil spirit, Bill! Also, the fantastically named Vic Mizzy died this week. The Brooklyn songwriter was 93. Don’t know the Miz? He wrote two classic TV themes: Green Acres and...The Addams Family. Not sure why Gomez and Morticia’s finger-snappin’ fun didn’t make our list. But hey, if you’re building your own party soundtrack, feel free to swap it in for, say, Christina Aguilera’s Candyman, which readers really didn’t appreciate. Of course, we all agree on the Top 10, right? Happy Halloween, kids.
10 Time Warp, the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show
9 Weird Science, Oingo Boingo
8 This Is Halloween, Danny Elfman
7 The Twilight Zone Theme, Marius Constant
6 Werewolves of London, Warren Zevon
5 Bela Lugosi’s Dead, Bauhaus
4 I Put a Spell on You, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins
3 Halloween Theme: Main Title, John Carpenter
2 Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt Kickers
1 Thriller, Michael Jackson
To recap the Ultimate Halloween Playlist, here are Nos. 40-31 and Nos. 30-21 and Nos. 20-11.
Today's game of "Sean Sucks!" comes courtesy of Scot, who tells me where to go -- specifically, last night's Allman Brothers show. As for Kiss, well, he's apparently not a fan.
I’m an avid reader of the Times and believe it is by far the best paper in the state, maybe even the country.
With that said, I wanted to express my shock in reading your article in today’s paper about the Kiss concert. There is not one paragraph in today’s or yesterday’s paper about our local celebrity band playing their 40-year tour: one of the greatest bands of the past four decades and local boys to top that off.
The Allman Brothers Band.
I enjoy reading your articles even when I disagree with your critiques, but boy did you blow this one. Last night's ABB show has to be in the top 3 or 4 of all time and definitely the #1 ABB concert out of countless shows I’ve attended. Trucks and Haynes were pure all night with some of the wickedest licks you’ve heard in your life. Copies of the live CD are available. Maybe you can clean the BS makeup out of your damaged ears and listen to some real music.
You preferred watching a carnival act over one of the greatest bands of all time?
I think the winter months in Syracuse altered more than a few of your brain cells...
Today's letter comes from a gentleman in Odessa, Fla. He wasn't a big fan of my interview with KISS. (READ) Oh well. At the very least, I really could use some divine mercy.
Mr. Daly:
It is shameful how music columnists such as yourself either naively or corruptly endorse the tired old act of knights in satan's service band. It is hard to gauge the amount of corrupted children and adults left in the wake of these demons, and apparently, you are included.
Yes, evil has been a force in many media outlets for many years, it is just so much easier in the form of dark rock and roll, which this vulgar group viciously displays. How sad that you must promote this profane garbage to the readers of this paper.
May God have mercy on your soul.
Photo: Getty Images
For a great chunk of the ’70s and ’80s, blue-eyed-soulsters Daryl Hall and John Oates worked in pop perfection. Peerless in the art of pristine hooks, the Philly boys were downright Beatlesesque in conjuring a consistent effervescent magic. Everything this musical Mutt & Jeff touched was destined to get stuck in your brain pan. Their short, sweet songs may not have been deep, and Oates’ mustache might have been distracting, but it made for blissful radio. And wow, does it endure.
To promote their new 4-CD box set, the must-have Do What You Want, Be What You Are, the super duo appears in the latest ish of Entertainment Weekly. Hall provides a list of his “greatest songs”: She’s Gone, Sara Smile, Every Time You Go Away, You Make My Dreams and One on One. That’s a fine list...but I beg to differ. Here are Hall & Oates’ best songs — according to your man at Pop Life.
Wait for Me (1979) The brilliance of H&O can be found in small, crucial touches. Here’s it’s the bittersweetly escalating “La la”s that add candy-coated heartache.
Private Eyes (1981) Best use of synthetic handclaps ever!
Did It in a Minute (1981) Pure silly sing-along bliss.
I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do) (1981) Most of the song is just average, but that harmonized bridge is their greatest moment as a duo. “I’ll do anything that you want me toooooo...”
Out of Touch (1984) There’s a small, twisted cult of us who understand the genius of the Big Bam Boom album. Join the club, won’t you?
Crave more Oates action? Listen to our great Stuck in the '80s interview with the man, the myth, the mustache RIGHT HERE.
The Stuck in the '80s team of Daly and Spears will be chatting up Anthony Daniels aka C-3PO on Thursday. How cool is that? Eat it up, nerds!
On Nov. 1, at the St. Pete Times Forum, a multimedia 'splosion called "Star Wars: In Concert" will combine an 86-piece symphony, a three-story hi-def video screen showing "the saga" plus narration by Daniels. For tickets and a totally dorktastic preview, go to http://starwarsinconcert.com/.
So...WHO HAS QUESTIONS FOR C-3P0?
THIS JUST IN! American Idol champ David Cook will play the lush Mahaffey Theater in downtown St. Petersburg on Nov. 27. Tickets go on sale Oct. 24 at noon. GO HERE.
This is a GREAT get for the Mahaffey and for the town, which needed good concert news after the temporary shuttering of Jannus Landing and a slow trickling of big names into the 'burg.
Adam Lambert, Time for Miracles: What was the name of that Aerosmith song from Armageddon? This overblown apocalyptic ballad sounds like that overblown apocalyptic ballad, doesn't it? By the way, as the nerve endings of our nation get considerably more frayed, do we really need to see our planet get decimated by wrath-of-God special effects?
Ashley Tisdale, Crank It Up: I really have been better about my Tisdale fixation. In fact, I found this relatively filfthy video by accident. (Seriously!) In this grindy vid, Miss Tisdale returns to her unnatural blond, totally going for the Brit-Brit sluthouse effect. I'm not saying I approve, but I have watched the video 476 times in a row now.
Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull, Fresh Out the Oven: Because it worked so well for Garth Brooks, Lopez is rebooting her career via a new performance name. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for...Lola!!! Oh well. At the very least, this item allowed me to use that picture of Lopez playfully touching her toes. So limber, that Lola!
Here you go, MJ fans! The KOP's new song, This Is It. LISTEN RIGHT HERE.
Spectacularly so-so, isn't it? A sappy up-with-people ballad that won’t make anyone forget Human Nature or even man-rat love song Ben. It’s music for unicorns, a saccharine trap the King of Pop blundered into now and then.
But I’m trying to feel the MJ love these days, so let’s be positive. The mushy harmonies are ’80s-ish and sweet (supposedly his famous bros added backing vocals). And although the riff sounds boosted from Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing, Jackson’s buoyant man-child vocal hits a few nice, reminiscent notes.
The buzz is that This Is It was originally intended for 1991’s hit-or-miss Dangerous album, but Jackson didn’t like it enough to include it on the final cut. Oh well. At least it wasn’t something deemed not good enough for the miss-or-miss Invincible, right?
The movie This Is It, which focuses on Jackson’s planned comeback tour, opens Oct. 28, and ticket demand is already nutso. The movie’s two-disc soundtrack — featuring the title track, demos plus select hits in the order they would have appeared on his comeback concert’s setlist — comes out Oct. 27.
Some are blubbering that this will be the last new product we’ll hear from Jackson. Yeah, I don’t think so: He was working on several projects when he died, including music with Black Eyed Peas ringleader Will.i.am.
This year marks the 70th anniversary of The Wizard of Oz, and as you can guess, my pretties, all manner of deluxe DVD foofaraw is being loosed in the aisles of Best Buy, etc. The good folks at Rhino Records are also re-releasing a two-disc deluxe edition of the soundtrack, complete with rare outtakes and demos.
Oz still makes for rousing listening. Herbert Stothart's score is frenetic, fun — that is, when it's not subtly nightmarish, a precursor to everything Danny Elfman has done, be it Batman or Desperate Housewives. And the songs, by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg, are nothing less than ingrained in our DNA, from If I Only Had a Brain to The Lollipop Guild.
And then, of course, there's Over the Rainbow.
Judy Garland, aka fresh-faced Frances Gumm, was only 16 when she played Kansas farm girl Dorothy Gale. According to the liner notes in the Rhino box set, Garland's two-minute, 44-second iconic version of Over the Rainbow was actually cobbled together from three separate takes. Who says editors ruin everything? Since then, Over the Rainbow — voted the No. 1 "Song of the Century" by the Recording Industry Association of America — has been covered by thousands of artists, from Barbra Streisand to Eric Clapton to the Smashing Pumpkins. There are myriad sublime versions: Hawaiian musician Israel Kamakawiwo'ole recorded a hugely popular rendition on ukulele; you should also search out a YouTube duet by Brit songstress Katie Melua and the late Eva Cassidy. Arlen and Harburg's song construction is so perfect, it's pretty hard to mess up Over the Rainbow. But, alas, more than a few people have done Dorothy wrong — really wrong...
5 Worst Covers of Over the Rainbow
Jerry Lee Lewis (1980) "There's a land ol' Jerry's dreamed of." Yikes! Not sure what the Killer was doing on this one, but I can't help thinking about that honeymoon with his 13-year-old cousin bride. (LISTEN)Sam Harris (1984) This mulleted Corey Hart look-alike was the octave-leaping prince of the inaugural season of Star Search, Ed McMahon's scourge upon pop culture. This version is so ridiculous, so over the top — but still so strangely popular — I'm guessing Harris made a deal with Beelzebub. (LISTEN)
Mandy Patinkin (1989) It's far too easy teasing the 'Tinker, but between his falsetto and all that incessant pleading for lemon drops, the multitalented star makes Tiny Tim look like Rambo. (LISTEN)Carly Simon (2007) Remember 1962 horror flick Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? And how Bette Davis, gussied up like the granny from hell, did that chilling little-girl ice cream dance at the end? As Joan Crawford lay dying on the beach? Well, that was all somehow less creepy than Carly Simon's Dorothy impression. (LISTEN)
Jason Castro (2008) Bring on the hate mail! The blinky American Idol star (you know, the dude with the dreads and the moon face) tried to do the bonfire ukulele treatment — but wound up sounding like he was giving himself a groin injury. Somewhere over the ICU is more like it. (LISTEN)
On an otherworldly stage that looked as if it could snack on the Death Star, and in front of 72,000 screaming, singing, stinking fans, four middle-aged dudes from Dublin once again gave us ample reason to unload hosannas and hyperbole... WALK ON.
Photo: Kathleen Flynn, St. Pete Times photog and all-around trooper for putting up with Saturday's mishegasse
Imagine a four-legged beastie from the nightmares of Tim Burton: a malevolent arachnid, an advancing reptile. Now breed that sucker with a metallic hulk from the Outer Limits, something Steven Spielberg would use to wage war on the world.
Now, for the finishing touch, stick U2, perhaps the only band brazen enough to conquer this leviathan, in the middle of it all.
Are you ready to rock?
Or run screaming?
PREPARE FOR MAYHEM, BOYS AND GIRLS...