knowyourneighbor

The Mormon Ethic of Civility

2009-11-08T12:19:03-05:00

There recently appeared a press release in the LDS newsroom titled The Mormon Ethic of Civility. As we think about how to engage as a stake, ward, family or individual, I'd urge us to consider the following:

Civility is not only a matter of discourse. It is primarily a mode of engagement. The technological interconnectedness of society has made isolation impossible. Of all the institutions in the modern world, religion has had perhaps the greatest difficulty adjusting to the reality of give and take with the public.

In our work life, and with our children, we are continually looking for the win-win, do we think about finding the win-win when we engage as Mormons?

President Monson emphasized the importance of cooperation in civic endeavors: “We have a responsibility to be active in the communities where we live, all Latter-day Saints, and to work cooperatively with other churches and organizations. My objective there is ... that we eliminate the weakness of one standing alone and substitute for it the strength of people working together.”

It's not that easy to do. We've learned to move ourselves into a win-lose mindset when it comes to our faith. But there are ways to engage civilly, to support 'anything that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report" in win-win, small snatches of time, ways.

For example, Penelope Trunk, in her Brazen Careerist blog recently wrote All Career Issues are Religious Issues. Maybe. It was a terrific article. As a person of faith, you'll likely agree with most all that she says.

What if you or I were to have passed this article along? Or left a comment telling her thank you for acknowledging the importance of religion in our career and our lives? It's a simple way to help make the climate broadly welcoming of religion.

We have so much on our plates.
But just as incivility, like road rage, can happen in small snatches, even seconds,
so too, can civility.

"...call it what they are"

2009-09-27T16:30:23-04:00

Did you hear? Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is asking us to stop calling our mini-classes (a.k.a "homemaking meetings" -- a title of yesteryear I am still stuck on) Home, Family and Personal Enrichment.

Nothing lost on me, it was a title I could never remember the sequence of things or say ten times fast.

I suppose I could have tried. I did after all learn "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun."

But why?

Sister Beck said, "Let's call it what they are."

Oh, thank you!

Why bring this up in Know Your Neighbor? Because I am concerned about language in the Church that only church members understand. Isn't it nice when we can use a term or title our neighobr understands and we don't have to translate?

I can invite my neighbor to the Relief Society meeting, conference or seminar...etc. Easy, I don't have to translate.

It's a simple change that I see as monumental.

Besides being easier to say, there are, I know, implications for the Relief Society brand (forgive the corporate reference), though I have no professional expertise in marketing. My co- KYN blogger, Whitney Johnson, will likely have more insight, but this is my thinking.

In the previous title of Home, Family, Personal Enrichment with two all beef patties, special sauce...etc., -- oh I am confused -- there was no association with the brand name Relief Society. The longish title, though descriptive, begged the question: so whose putting this on?

Relief Society does this, that's who. The implication: this meeting, seminar, group, club or workshop is brought to you by a worldwide sisterhood.

Translation for our neighbors: Sisters Rock!...and you are welcome to join the fun.

Elder Ballard: Talking about our Beliefs

2009-09-08T22:04:00-04:00

In his commencement speech at BYU, Elder Ballard encouraged us to avoid being defensive in speaking about our beliefs.

“In our interactions with others are we expecting always to have to defend ourselves? If so, I think we need to make a course correction...It is inconsistent with where we are today as a Church and as a great body of followers of Jesus Christ.”

I know I can be defensive -- not so much when people ask questions. But if I think about Elder Ballard's remarks and define 'defense' as the opposite of 'offense', I tend to play defense when it comes to my spiritual life.

Here's just a small example.

Last Sunday, Neal Robison asked the question from the pulpit, "When your colleagues ask you what you did over the weekend, do you say I went to church, or talk about what you did that was church-related or do you instead talk about your large-scale gardening project, for example?"

I'll wager (if I did wager) that 4 out of 5 of us said the latter.

He then asked, "What if today after church when we write on Facebook (which he did do, btw) or tomorrow when we speak to work colleagues, or parents of our children's friends, etc. and they ask what we did this weekend, we say, "I had a great day at church -- there were some really inspiring talks [and I just love playing the piano for the young children]?"

We're pretty good at defense.

Shall we throw in a little offense?

Eunice Shriver: Faith Informed Her Life

2009-09-02T09:26:33-04:00

I recently wrote about Eunice Shriver, a woman of capacity and courage, over at dare to dream.

Having read an excerpt from Cardinal O'Malley's tribute, I am further intrigued. He writes:

"Her Catholic faith and education was a very important part of what motivated her and helped her to interpret reality...She reminds me very much of Jean Vanier who founded the L'Arche movement in Canada. That movement was born out of the Church's teachings on the dignity of every human person as a treasure made in the image and likeness of God and of our obligation to care for each other and to recognize the gift in each person."

Who do you know that is Muslim, Catholic, Jewish, Protestant -- whose faith motivates them, helps them to interpret reality -- to do good?

What kinds of wonderful conversations might we have with our faith in God and desire to do good as a starting point?

I Don't Have Neighbors Anymore

2009-08-09T17:17:43-04:00

A lovely woman in the Northboro Ward, Boston MA Stake, recently shared the following experience:

Last week, Mrs. Whittier, our former neighbor, called.

She had just spent the first night alone since her husband Dr. Whittier died. After speaking for awhile, asking about our five daughters whom she knew well and they her, Mrs. Whittier said, "I don't have neighbors anymore."

In our old neighborhood, there are lots of people within close proximity of Mrs. Whittier. That's not the problem. What I think she was saying is -- since your family has moved, there aren't people with whom I feel connected to, toward whom I feel neighborly goodwill.

Do we have neighbors?

Are we neighbors?

Singing Mayor

2009-08-02T20:26:55-04:00

Can your mayor sing?

Well the Hillsboro ward – St. Louis Missouri South Stake – knows Mayor Roland can.

He sang a special number in their sacrament meeting. Bishop Wright said the mayor enjoyed the experience so much that he will be back to sing with the ward choir for Christmas.

Steve Davis, Director of Public Affairs for the stake said this is a perfect example of how public affairs can be simple and rewarding.

As “simple” as an invitation.

What community leaders do you know who can sing?

Remember the singing Senators?

Faces and Names: Thoughts on the Arrest of a Harvard Professor

2009-07-26T14:15:13-04:00

So, so much controversy around the arrest of Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

As with most controversies, no pancake is so thin there aren't two sides.

For me, however, there's an a priori question.

Are we now to the point where we not only don't know our neighbors by name, we don't even know them by face?

I know many of my neighbors by face, some by name.

I could do better.

Maybe you can too.

Serve.gov

2009-07-02T00:57:31-04:00

I appreciate President Obama's call to service this summer. Consider his invitation and register or sign-up for your project and share your experience. See: serve.gov

The last time President Obama called us to serve our communities was Martin Luther King Day. In St. Louis, we saw record numbers of people serving. One project our Lindell ward participated in was eight times the size it was the previous year.

Let's serve with our neighbors!

Mormon Tabernacle Choir in St. Louis -- What Can We Learn?

2009-06-23T14:54:15-04:00

My co-blogger Dana King, recently published the above article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

I was struck by the reader comments; one reader was disappointed that there weren't more Mormon hymns.

I love the Mormon hymns. So many of them help me bear testimony to what I believe in a way that words can't.

But wouldn't their singing all Mormon hymns have defeated the primary purpose for bringing the choir to St. Louis?

Which, I think is, to help us make friends as a church. Friends that we could use a lot more of. And friends that only music and the Mormon Tabernacle choir can help us make.

To make those friends, we need to reach across the aisle -- to hear the Choir sing songs we don't know.

To find all that is virtuous, lovely or praiseworthy, and seek after these things.

With our neighbors.

Can the Burning of a Chapel Lead to the Building of Bridges?

2009-05-17T20:57:03-04:00

I am mourning the loss of the Longfellow Park Chapel; this church symbolized our centuries-old ties to New England.

For a time, three congregations will be displaced, and need somewhere to worship.

What if the civic and religious leaders of Cambridge were to reach out, and we reached back across the aisle?

What if the three Cambridge-based wards were to temporarily meet in a local university or church?

What if the burning of a chapel led to the building of bridges?

Boston Globe's Jeff Jacoby on Harvard's Mary Ann Glendon

2009-05-03T18:12:07-04:00

In Jeff Jacoby's piece Courage, and the lack of it he describes Carrie Prejean and Mary Ann Glendon, a Harvard Law Professor and former US Ambassador to the Vatican, as having "greater respect for honesty than political correctness, and for the obligations of moral witness than for their own personal prestige."

Ms. Glendon "declined to accept the University of Notre Dame's illustrious Laetare Medla, the most distinguished honor in American Catholic life..."

"In a letter to Notre Dame's president, Glendon expressed dismay that the university would bestow a high honor on someone [President Obama] so hostile [unrestricted abortion rights] to such a fundamental Catholic principle, in flat disregard of church guidelines."

Who within our sphere -- that is also not of our faith -- is standing for something'?

How do we best reach out, honor and partner with people like Carrie Prejean and Mary Ann Glendon?

Miss California Stands for Something

2009-04-28T07:55:38-04:00

Miss California wanted to be Miss USA, but she had to make a choice.

Amidst cheers, and especially jeers, she said 'I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman.'

It cost her the crown, but she stayed true to her conviction.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, "For the most part, our neighbors not of our faith are good, honorable people—every bit as good and honorable as we strive to be. They care about their families, just like we do. They want to make the world a better place, just like we do."

Indeed.

When was the last time we thanked someone not of our faith for standing up -- for taking the bullet, as it were?

Learning from our Jewish neighbors

2009-04-16T23:01:28-04:00

04.13.2009 1:03 pm

Latter-day Saints observe Passover

Seven-year-old Joseph Hofheins reacts to eating matzah with horseradish during the bitter herbs part of the Passover ceremony, which also included music and dancing. (Stuart Johnson, Deseret News)

Latter-day Saints (Mormon or LDS) have long felt a kinship with Jewish brothers and sisters. It’s becoming popular in recent years for Latter-day Saints (LDS) to take their feelings of kinship to a more active level. Some are participating in a Seder in addition to the traditional Easter services and remembrance observed this time of year.

I remember a few years ago a women’s activity at our local unit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to make Seder plates. We spent the evening decorating the plates and learning the traditions of the Seder. I really enjoyed the activity. It gave me a great appreciation for the common heritage Christians and Jews share.

Latter-day Saints in areas of Utah are developing large activities for this special time of year. The following news-story is from Deseret News:

PROVO — It looked like a traditional celebration of the Jewish Passover on Friday evening at the Scenic View Academy, complete with men wearing yamalkas.

But most of the 200 people at this Passover dinner were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“A Seder for Judah and Joseph” was held as a means for attendees to “learn about the Jewish Passover and its rich symbolism from an LDS perspective,” according to the event’s sponsor, the Isaiah Institute.

“One of the things that we’re trying to do is build those bridges so that both Judah, as well as LDS, and others of different faiths, can come together and begin to really understand that they have a common heritage,” said Robert Kay, who co-narrated the program along with Avraham Gileadi.

Read the entire story at Deseret News: click here

Boston Globe's Michael Paulson Keynotes "Mormonism in the Public Mind"

2009-04-04T22:39:33-04:00

Having now covered the controversy over the Boston Temple, and Mitt Romney's faith, Michael Paulson, a Pulitzer-prize winning reporter, proffered some interesting insights as the keynote speaker at Utah Valley University's April 2-3 conference titled Mormonism in the Public Mind.

In particular, note his second point which predicts that I would blog about what he's written. Click here to get to the second of three posts.

Angels & Demons: Do Unto Others....

2009-03-28T16:26:03-04:00

The film Angels & Demons will be released shortly. The book was riveting, but I don't know that I'll go see the movie.

I have been disgruntled with HBO. Despite protestations, they have aired an episode of 'Big Love' depicting temple rituals which are sacred to me. This has led me to wonder -- have I, in turn, enjoyed books or films that entertained at someone else's expense?

For example, were Evangelicals offended by Guys and Dolls 'Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat'?

Probably not, but I honestly don't know.

The Vatican may ask Catholics to shun Angels and Demons. Race has - happily -- come to be held sacred in our country; religious beliefs should be as well. Meaning, if the Catholics see sacrilege in Angels and Demons, shouldn't I, as a person of faith, also see sacrilege?

Being an 'angel' to the Catholics as they fight the 'demons' is the right thing to do.

It would also be nice if the next time there's a 'Big Love'-type event, and there will be -- if there were someone out there to show Mormons some love.

Do unto others...

Defending Against Wolves: Boston Herald's Joe Fitzgerald Speaks Up

2009-03-01T10:13:41-05:00

Did any of you catch Joe Fitzgerald's editorial in the Boston Herald?

He's hard-hitting, but I was grateful.

He saw a people -- my people, my faith - being thrown to the wolves, and he said 'This is not ok."

I'd encourage you to read the whole piece, and as you read, ask yourself two questions:

1) Will I send him a quick e-mail to say thank you -- though I can't find an e-mail address. If you find one, let me know. Otherwise, pay the thank-you forward!

2) The next time I see someone not being treated fairly because of their race, religion, ethnicity (one that is different than my own) -- will I figuratively stand up and say 'This is not ok!", even if it's not popular to do so?

Here's an excerpt:

In post-award interviews, Black decided to amplify his condemnation of a faith whose tenets he rejects, explaining how his adoring mother was so different from others in her crowd: “I mean, this is a Mormon woman who should not be accepting or loving . . .”

In other words, most Mormon mothers would rather feed their young to the wolves than watch them stray from the teachings of their church.

Even by Hollywood’s standards, Black’s self-indulgence was unconscionable, denigrating an entire faith to justify his own repudiation of it.

Black’s mother sounds like many Jewish mothers, Catholic mothers, evangelical mothers, Mormon mothers, who, even when their hearts are breaking, have a love that’s unconditional, realizing acceptance does not mean approval.

Indeed, some of their stories have appeared here.

Thank you Mr. Fitzgerald.

The Sneetches

2009-02-22T21:28:47-05:00

If you're looking for a way to introduce the topic of reaching across the aisle, check out Dr. Seuss' The Sneetches.

It begins:

Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches
Had bellies with stars.
The Plain-Belly Sneetches
Had none upon thars.

Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small
You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.

For a list of more books we can use to teach children (and adults) about Knowing our Neighbor, click here.

Any other books you'd recommend?

Rachel Esplin's Tutorial on Dialoguing about our Faith

2009-02-14T12:41:45-05:00

If you have any interest in better engaging with others about matters of faith, watch this video of 20 year-old Rachel Esplin being grilled by veteran Washington Post reporter Sally Quinn.

Ms. Esplin is so unflappable, conversational, articulate, and heartfelt, it is easy to forget that were one of us to be asked the questions that Ms. Quinn asked -- we would be hard pressed to do even half as well.

Here's what I learned.

It is ok for us to talk openly, matter-of-factly, about what we believe.

In doing so, we can make friends, build bridges, forge alliances.

As Richard Bushman so aptly wrote -- we (meaning Mormons, Christians - and the devoutly religious generally) are in an era where we need to make friends.

Thank you Rachel Esplin for the tutorial.

A call to civility and community

2009-02-07T21:01:37-05:00

This editorial recently appeared in the Deseret News.

What if each of us were to think through the question -- how can I engage with another person on a topic about which we strongly disagree -- and do so civilly?

I'm a neophyte in these matters, but I'd like to learn.

***

Down with bad behavior

Deseret News editorial

Published: January 30, 2009

With apologies to Mark Twain, civility is just like the weather. Everyone talks about it, but no one ever does anything about it. Meanwhile, rolling clouds of thunderous insults and disrespectful behavior seem to be invading everywhere from the Internet to the halls of the Legislature.

That may be because no one knows exactly what to do. When folks apparently aren't taught proper behavior in the home, it's hard to give them a remedial course.

But that hasn't stopped local attorney John Kesler, who strongly believes Americans can exercise free-speech rights and advocate passionately for their core convictions without getting in the faces of their neighbors or showing disrespect. Kesler heads a nonprofit group called the Salt Lake Center for Engaging Community. He has won the support of some influential Utahns, such as Supreme Court Chief Justice Christine Durham, Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. and Salt Lake Mayor Ralph Becker, among others.

We hope he can get all state lawmakers to sign on soon, as well. In recent years, committee chairmen have routinely excluded public comment from hearings on bills or have allowed people to shout down others who are advocating one position or another. Sometimes lawmakers violate their own rules of procedure or simply make up their own on the spot.

But boorish behavior is by no means confined to Capitol Hill. It can be found in many city council chambers and in the anonymous posts left on virtually any newspaper or blog site. Anonymity is no cover for bad behavior. It still reflects on a person's character and ought to gnaw on his or her conscience.

Kesler's group has a set of ground rules for respectful behavior. Mainly, these have to do with recognizing the rights of others and their dignity as human beings. Specifically, they call for people to avoid "intimidation, ridicule, personal attacks, mean spiritedness, reprisals against those who disagree..."

The things your mother probably taught you, in other words. And if she didn't, the things you now need to learn.

Kesler deserves support in his efforts. He would like to present demonstration projects to groups in order to teach them how to put these rules into practice. That's a good idea, but what a shame that Americans have to be taught such things.

And what a shame it would be if state lawmakers don't pass a joint resolution supporting these principles.

P.S. Kudos to John Kesler, and thanks to Christine Balderas for sharing.

Boston Globe's Paulson Reflects on Religion

2009-01-03T20:44:00-05:00

For those of you that haven't seen Pulitzer-prize winning Paulson's year-end review of religion, there are two things of note:

1) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was identified properly, and separately. It's been a tough year for Mormons, but thanks to the press, the media is now more likely to get our name right. I would encourage you to drop Mr. Paulson a line at mpaulson@globe.com to say thank-you.

2) More importantly, in scanning the list of topics that Paulson plans to cover in 2009, you'll note that nearly every religion is facing monumental challenges, from the Catholic Church's struggle to bring all its parishioners into the tent, to the mainline Protestants' disagreements about homosexuality, to the Jewish community's betrayal by one of their own, Bernard Madoff. It is not always going to be the case that our religious brethren and sisters want to work with us, but sometimes they will. When we recognize they face tremendous difficulties just like we do, we may also be more willing to reach out.

There is so much more that binds us than separates us.

May I again share with you the words of Richard Bushman from his book On the Road with Joseph Smith: An Author's Diary? I don't know that any of us could have predicted that Bushman's words would be so true so quickly.

They are as follows:

February 6, 2006 -- I wrote to Elder Holland about a rough patch ahead as animosity to religion keeps growing. I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ. Instead of speaking triumphantly of the Gospel sweeping the earth, could we think of ourselves instead as the leaven in the lump, standing for righteousnesss and serving others?

I wish we had a long record of kindness and friendship to fall back on, with less stress on proselyting. Then when the storms break around us, we would have friends to turn to. Our covenant with God is to bless the people of the earth. That should be our motto.

Establishing Zion does not mean sweeping vast masses of people on to our membership records but creating a people of God dedicated to blessing others. Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship, and service.

Who will we make friends with in 2009?