AdScam/The Horror! tag:typepad.com,2003:weblog-101206 2009-11-22T08:01:52-07:00 A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse! "Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell. TypePad Art is a stick in the eye of the beholder! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef012875c5aa5b970c 2009-11-22T08:01:52-07:00 2009-11-22T08:04:02-07:00 My pal Brian K has sent me important information regarding one of the top art events of the year. The Turnip Prize for bad art. The award, an alternative to the Turner Prize, is presented by the residents of a... George Parker

My pal Brian K has sent me important information regarding one of the top art events of the year. The Turnip Prize for bad art. The award, an alternative to the Turner Prize, is presented by the residents of a Somerset village. Truly bad fucktard artists such as ace poseur, Damien Hurst are not allowed to enter. This year, pieces entitled Wallace and Vomit and Knicker-less Cage have been submitted. According to the rules, there are no barriers to entry into the competition, they simply state: "You can enter anything you like, but it must be rubbish." Ha, I fucking love it. Reminds me of a few art directors I’ve worked with over the years. As you would expect, the prize giving will be in a pub!

Knicker-less Cage gets my vote!

 _46772984_knickerlesscage

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/art-is-a-stick-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder.html Work on pharmaceutical ads. Help people kill themselves! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6c37860970b 2009-11-22T04:52:18-07:00 2009-11-22T04:54:16-07:00 In The Ubiquitous Persuaders, I devote a whole chapter to health care and pharmaceutical advertising, stressing what a giant fucking con job most of it is, but how it’s a giant cash cow for BDA’s… There’s a campaign currently running... George Parker

In The Ubiquitous Persuaders, I devote a whole chapter to health care and pharmaceutical advertising, stressing what a giant fucking con job most of it is, but how it’s a giant cash cow for BDA’s… There’s a campaign currently running for Pristiq, an “Anti-Depressant,” that's the usual banal shit… Except my eye was drawn to the disclaimer… Which in a 1.14 TV spot takes up 50 seconds! But what’s fucking amazing is this part. Just read it.

Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, teens, and young adults. Depression and certain other psychiatric disorders are themselves associated with increases in the risk of suicide. Patients of all ages who are started on antidepressant therapy should be monitored appropriately and observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior. PRISTIQ is not approved for use in children under 18.

In other words, if you take this shit, it could make you even more depressed, and you might just fucking kill yourself. How would you like to work on that account?

I just watched the Pristiq ad!

 Hanging man

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/work-on-pharmaceutical-ads-help-people-kill-themselves.html Carla Hendra becomes globally douchenozzleized! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6c19333970b 2009-11-21T15:35:24-07:00 2009-11-21T15:35:24-07:00 So, the big news out of Ogilvy at the end of the week is that, yes. we are once again restructuring the world’s most fucked up BDA. Ogilvy global CEO Miles “I am going to turn this shitasmic Titanic agency... George Parker

So, the big news out of Ogilvy at the end of the week is that, yes. we are once again restructuring the world’s most fucked up BDA. Ogilvy global CEO Miles “I am going to turn this shitasmic Titanic agency around if it fucking kills me” Young, has gone on record as saying, we no longer do ads, we are now business consultants!!! Oh, give me a fucking break. Why do these fucking people have to constantly re-invent themselves? Remember when JWT claimed they were no longer a fucking ad agency, they were now anthropologists. Listen you fucktards… If you are ashamed of what you do, don’t rename it… Get the fuck out. In the meantime, Carla will now lead a new arm of Ogilvy, dubbed "Global Strategy & Innovation Practice," as its global chairman. Hey, good luck Carla, but based on your current track record… I’d rather take my global douchenozzle business and shove it up my arse than let you within fifty yards of it. In the meantime, John Seifert, who threw his wife under the bus for future Ogilvy cash and the title of Uber-North-America-Fucktard, gets to run all the shit Carla fucked up… Yawn, fucking Yawn… Why does nothing ever change?

Well, at least it matches the carpet!

 Bullshitbuttontc4

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/carla-hendra-becomes-globally-douchenozzleized.html Employers talk the same old shit while laying off thousands! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6c02cf6970b 2009-11-21T07:18:57-07:00 2009-11-21T07:18:57-07:00 The news that AOL is laying off a third of its workforce is not so unusual during these uber-fucked up days. What’s also not unusual is the language they use to describe what they are doing. First off, they want... George Parker

The news that AOL is laying off a third of its workforce is not so unusual during these uber-fucked up days. What’s also not unusual is the language they use to describe what they are doing. First off, they want 2,500 employees to step forward for volunteer layoffs. (Volunteer means you get fired now, rather than later) It sent employees an email saying what they would get if they volunteered for the layoff today versus what they would get if they are asked to leave in Q1 of 2010. (Q1 probably means the first fucking week in January) You can read the whole memo here. It’s full of douchenozzle gems like… To achieve our vision… This will be a difficult decision… I know these are trying times… We thank you for your continued hard work. What a load of shit. Why can’t they just say… You’re fucked? 

I'm helping achieve managements "vision!"

 F2

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/employers-talk-the-same-old-shit-while-laying-off-thousands.html The shitasmic state of the economy, relative to the shitasmic state of the fucking ad biz! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6bda993970b 2009-11-20T15:23:16-07:00 2009-11-20T15:23:16-07:00 So, here we are on a Friday afternoon, at the end of trading for the week… And guess what? The stock market is up… Meantime, more people are out of work, more people are losing their homes through foreclosure, more... George Parker

So, here we are on a Friday afternoon, at the end of trading for the week… And guess what? The stock market is up… Meantime, more people are out of work, more people are losing their homes through foreclosure, more people are living on the street, more people are eating out of fucking dumpsters… So, what the fuck does this have to do with advertising? Simple… Every fucking thing… if more and more people have less and less money to spend on shit they don’t need… More and more agencies will be uber-duper-fucked. Hey, this isn’t fucking rocket science, it’s common sense. Jesus, fucking H. Christ… How many times do I have to explain this shit?

Shitasmic... Isn't that a mushroom?

 Scream

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/the-shitasmic-state-of-the-economy-relative-to-the-shitasmic-state-of-the-fucking-ad-biz.html Poisoned dwarf causes stock market collapse! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef012875bcb1a4970c 2009-11-20T06:36:43-07:00 2009-11-20T06:36:43-07:00 At the time of writing, before the opening of the stock market, Friday morning, all the signs are that it will be a fucking bummer, primarily because last night Dell announced disastrous quarterly results. Dell announced that its third-quarter net... George Parker

At the time of writing, before the opening of the stock market, Friday morning, all the signs are that it will be a fucking bummer, primarily because last night Dell announced disastrous quarterly results. Dell announced that its third-quarter net profit plunged 54 percent from a year earlier on lower-than-expected sales as it lost market share to competitors due to the fact that it’s advertising was absolute fucking shit. Analysts are saying that the shitasmic “Enfatico” adventure is to blame for nearly two years wasted effort with virtually fuck all to show for it. Michael Dell is rumored to have said “The little fucker conned me!” Dell employees have been threatened with instant dismissal if they ever mention WPP again. In the meantime, Sir Martin is talking to Ford about creating another Enfatico for the re-launch of the Edsel. 

Bonus Kate. 'Cos I'm a fucking prince!

 1g

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/poisoned-dwarf-causes-stock-market-collapse.html Supersizing supermarkets! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef012875bb27d9970c 2009-11-20T04:00:00-07:00 2009-11-20T06:14:31-07:00 Bill Marks and Ron Halverson always have really interesting stuff on their blog. “Empiricism in aisle 11.” Yesterday they had a great post about how many shoppers in supermarkets seem to become gobsmacked when they actually have to decide which... George Parker

Bill Marks and Ron Halverson always have really interesting stuff on their blog. “Empiricism in aisle 11.” Yesterday they had a great post about how many shoppers in supermarkets seem to become gobsmacked when they actually have to decide which fucking bag of pork rinds to choose from the dozens displayed in the hyper-cholesterol aisle. I have actually seen what they describe happening many times in my local Albertsons. OK, it’s not quite the Wal-Mart experience, but close. So, here’s the fucking question of the day. When it comes to supermarkets… Does anyone ever look at those giant fucking TV’s blasting out in the produce section with fucktard chefs showing you how to whip up “Baby’s head in a basket” in five minutes? Naaah, I didn’t think so. Anyway, I prefer baby’s head slow broiled.

T.G.I.F.

 Kate-moss-yum

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/supersizing-supermarkets.html Gawker does AdNozzle!” tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef012875b8490f970c 2009-11-19T09:21:08-07:00 2009-11-19T09:22:48-07:00 One of the best things about Gawker is reading what the fucking geniuses who post comments have to say… Yesterdays post for a booze ad (see below) captioned “Bad enough the lady is drinking and driving with only one hand... George Parker

One of the best things about Gawker is reading what the fucking geniuses who post comments have to say… Yesterdays post for a booze ad (see below) captioned “Bad enough the lady is drinking and driving with only one hand because she's holding a (hallucinated?) dragon in the other hand. Also, her eyes are closed.” Is followed by such choice comments as… This is actually a Russian woman in a Russian advertisement. Moscow's Chinatown is much more exciting than ours - Ha. I heard the original tagline was "Premium row-arcohor cocktair." - If she keeps stroking reptiles, she's going to catch Gator AIDS. Lots more. Get your arse over there and enjoy.

More alcohol than a truckload of Bud!

 500x_custom_1258580234621_drunkad

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/gawker-does-adnozzle.html Interpublic creates “Fiasco of the Future!” tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6b627e3970b 2009-11-19T08:06:53-07:00 2009-11-19T08:06:53-07:00 As is usual with fucktard mergers, the fallout from the Lowe/Deutsch merger will cost Interpublic big fucking time. Zicor, which was supposedly spending $50 million this year, and Lunesta, which spent $111 million last year, have both told IPG to... George Parker

As is usual with fucktard mergers, the fallout from the Lowe/Deutsch merger will cost Interpublic big fucking time. Zicor, which was supposedly spending $50 million this year, and Lunesta, which spent $111 million last year, have both told IPG to get fucked, even though there was talk of them being taken on by one of the other agencies in the group. I mean Zicam was only at Lowe for five fucking months after they’d gone through a four month review. No wonder they are pissed. Still, it’ll mean more money for the agency searchnozzles. What a fucking racket. Time for another Michael Roth performance bonus.

Standard issue Interpublic keyboard!

 Panic_button

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/interpublic-creates-fiasco-of-the-future.html Kevin Roberts about to shoot himself in Gordon Browns foot! tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341bfa1853ef0120a6b5da62970b 2009-11-19T06:53:38-07:00 2009-11-19T06:53:38-07:00 Mr “Lovemarksnozzle” Kevin Roberts is taking time out from his world wide rugby viewing tour, while staying at five star hotels, courtesy of Saatchi shareholders… To get Gordon Brown re-elected in next years UK general election… Kevin, no chance mate…... George Parker

Mr “Lovemarksnozzle” Kevin Roberts is taking time out from his world wide rugby viewing tour, while staying at five star hotels, courtesy of Saatchi shareholders… To get Gordon Brown re-elected in next years UK general election… Kevin, no chance mate… You are well and truly fucked. According to Jim Edwards over at bNet, Kev has the world’s worst track record when it comes to political advertising. Over in New Zealand his involvement with neo-fascist former prime minister, Jenny Shipley,  earned the title, “Saatchigate,” and one headline called it a “Slippery Slope of Sleaze.” Back in the states Roberts successfully persuaded the Department of Defence to “rebrand” the War on Terror. Roberts suggested name? “The Fight for a Better World.” Oh, fucking right Kev… Would that world be the one where you abuse your expense account in five star hotels and restaurants while “lovemarking” your way through international rugby tournaments? No wonder BDA’s are fucked.

Kevin likes to wear his best frock for new biz presentations.

 KevinRoberts-web

http://adscam.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/11/kevin-roberts-about-to-shoot-himself-in-gordon-browns-foot.html