Interesting post on the tribbleagency, about the fucktards at Victors and Spoils, who claimed the other week that they were the first agency based on the lame brained idea of crowdsourcing. As I pointed out in a post last week, they are full of shit. A comment on the site by AdHack provides even more evidence. “And to make it more clear, a bunch of crowdsourcing startups also existing prior to Victors & Spoils. I know because I’m 1 of 3 people in an office doing it at AdHack (http://adhack.com). Another is Genius Rocket.” You see what these fucking douchenozzles seem incapable of realizing, is that now, thanks to the Internet, you can no longer lie and make shit up… There’s always someone out there who will expose you. The Goebbels theory of marketing “If you lie often enough, people will believe you.” no longer applies… Unless you’re a politician. Think Enfatico here!!!

The first agency planner was a fucking German!

 

As winter is fast approaching, in my continuing search to improve AdScammer’s quality of life, I’ve come across something of great benefit to the ladies. A Japanese company, Thanko,  has a wonderful solution to those unfortunate females whose nipples get cold during winter days at the computer, tweeting, friending, or playing fucking Farmville — The USB Bust Beauty Pad. Just plus it into your computer, slip the U-shaped pads under your bra, and cozy up as the pads get warm. The pads are meant to last about six months, and the whole set-up costs about $20. Fuck, the perfect present for the lady of your dreams.

I'm buying one for Kate!

 

Anyone who reads the various trades and blogs covering this truly fucked up shitasmic business… Has to wonder about the never ending, continually reported demise of “Global Marketing Chief Russ Klein” from his uber-wanktastic position at Burger King… OK, this time, it’s for good. Explained as “Leaving for personal reasons”… Ha, fucking Ha… The only time anyone leaves for personal reasons is when they have no other choice. Apparently after six consecutive years of positive sales growth, sales began to slip in march, and the franchisees (i.e. douchenozzles) began to demand someone’s head. No surprise there…But I’ll bet there’s some worried frat boys trashing their skate boards in Boulder!

It's just like selling burgers!

 

In an interesting follow on to my Wizened of Oz – Google post of yesterday, this on Online Media Daily… “According to an analysis of Google-generated traffic released late Monday by Experian's Hitwise service, Google and Google News currently account for more than 25% of the daily traffic to the Wall Street Journal's WSJ.com site. The Hitwise analysis also indicates that more than 44% of WSJ.com visitors coming from Google are "new users" who haven't visited the domain in the previous 30 days.” Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your ugly fucking face. The old fucker obviously has a bee in his bonnet about Google. I’ll bet wiser heads inside News Corp are telling him to cool it. Not that the Dirty Digger listens to anyone, except Wendy when she says “Not tonight, Bruce.”

See ya Rupert!

 

If you can stand to read it, Laurence Boschetto, the “Louie” of “Hughie, Dewey &  Louie” has written a pathetic piece of shit for AdWeek…  Entitled “Client relations in a Real Time World.” It is enough to make you want to poke your eyes out with fucking chopsticks! I was driven to write this comment… Wow, Laurence Boschetto just took 832 words to say absolutely nothing. There isn’t a single original thought in the whole article. In fact, as Gertrude Stein once said, “there’s no there, there!” This is a perfect illustration of why BDA’s (Big Dumb Agencies) are in such deep shit. Mouthing the same old platitudes, while talking about creating new models and ways of thinking, just doesn’t hack it anymore. Mr. Boschetto should remember that at the time of the Draft/FCB merger, there was much talk of how this was the “Agency of the Future.” Three and a half years and many client losses later, the future seems even further away. Ha, take that douchenozzle. See ya in church!

Step into my gym!

 

Update on this morning's post… In reaction to The Dirty Digger’s threat to remove all his “So-Called” news content from Google’s News and Web search sections… Google replies “Fuck him!” Well, not quite in those words. What they actually said was…  “Google News and web search are a tremendous source of promotion for news organizations, sending them about 100,000 clicks every minute. Publishers put their content on the web because they want it to be found, so very few choose not to include their material in Google News and web search. But if they tell us not to include it, we don't.” Yes indeed. If the “Antipodean Ancient” thinks this through before pulling the plug, he will realize it’s a two way street. Some people discover his puerile rags through a Google search or news item. If they are completely fucking brain dead, they may even stick around to read some more of the shit News Corp puts out. Net gain for the Digger, more DeBeers baubles for Wendy. Sergey and Larry get new Boeing 777’s. World’s population continues to get dumber. A Win – Win situation for all concerned.

Then we bought China!

 

Everyone seems to have their tits in a wringer about the fact that Wal-Mart is now selling coffins. So what? They’re probably made in China out of plaster board, but no one undersells Wal-Mart, even if they’re dead. Anyway, it’s that time of year when I once again preview next years calendar from Cofanifunebri.Co, one of Italy's largest manufacturers of coffins and other funeral accoutrements. Loyal AdScammers will know I have been doing this for the last four years. Why? Because apart from caskets, it also features semi-naked Italian hotties flashing their wares. This years effort seems to be exploring latex and bondage. Hey, why not… You’re a long time dead!

May is particularly tasty!

 

Matt over at Agency Spy has the down and dirty on the demise of BBDO in Detroit with the departure of the Chrysler account. According to AdAge 485 poor fuckers are currently employed in the office. All can now look forward to pounding the pavement early in the New Year along with many more BDA employees as things tighten up… And whatever the Senior management at the holding companies claim about future prospects… It’s going to get fucking desperate. But not for those douchenozzles, who will no doubt, continue to award themselves huge “performance” bonuses. Try not to gag when you read Andrew Robertson’s pathetic message to the staff of BBDO.

BBDO, Detroit, staff meeting!

 

My mate, The Cartoonist points out that the Wizened of Oz has decided he is going to fuck Google by removing all his newspaper content from the search engine when he erects pay walls to his on-line sites. Why anyone apart from teabaggers and other assorted lunatics would want to pay for the shit News Corp puts out is beyond me! Let’s hope his move is as successful as the current Titanic of social networks… MySpace, the shitasmic site he bought for mega-millions a few years ago and which is turning into a refuge for teens too retarded to cope with Facebook. The picture in his attic gets uglier by the day, and as his real “Fizog” is not exactly a thing of beauty, lets hope he has it securely locked away.

Wendy closes hers eyes and thinks of the money!

 

In a recent article on Marketing VOX, they are trying to make a case that Second Life is still alive and somewhat thriving in the corporate environment. Personally, I think it’s a crock of shit. I don’t care if IBM is holding virtual meetings on this wanky site and Linden Labs is claiming that 1,000 companies now use it for training, meetings and conferences - and take the protocol very seriously. When I read that Gartner recently projected that by the end of 2013, 70% of companies that use virtual worlds will have established dress codes and other codes of behavior for the employee avatars… I am fucking speechless… Dress codes for avatars… What the fuck is next, no sex toys for Linden Dollars… No over inflated boobs for the ladies. I mean why would you want your virtual world to be as crappy as your lame arsed real one?

So, I earned my PHD at Second Life U!