With the upcoming holiday weekend (here in the US,) super AdScamer, Dave Tutin draws our attention to a couple of examples of how fucked up the “connected society” is rapidly becoming. Over on NBC there’s a piece titled… “How the smartphone killed the three day weekend.” Nuff said… Then, an earlier study shows that fucktards obsessed with their smartphones access them between 150 and 200 times a day. All I can say is that every time I look at some wanker driving by, they are steering with one hand while the other is used to hold their smartphone to their “cockholster.” However, this being the “Fourth Reich,” the ultimate question is… How the fuck do they ingest their crystal meth at the same time? Life is a constantly challenging mystery!

Fuck it... If all else fails... I go back to my childhood!

In my Friday afternoon, post three martini lunch, mesmeric snore fest state, something just came to me… Unfortunately, it wasn’t Kate… That will be later… No, really important shit – Like, in these days of social media, YouTube hits, Facebook Likes and Twitter nozzles, whatever the fuck happened to radio…  Did it go away? Actually, with the basic alcohol fueled research I have been able to manage, there’s even more money being spent on it than ever… Yeah, mostly at a local level for cretinous car dealers etc… But maybe, ‘cos it works. So, fuck all these “conversations” get your “Big ASS” down here and buy this 57 Chevy before I trash it with my “cockholster” sized baseball bat! Do that in 140 characters, or less!

But George is the King!

Do I detect a whiff of insurrection in the WPP ranks after the Poisoned Dwarf’s remarks that I posted about yesterday? Mark Silber, an ECD at Joule, a mobile ad agency (does that mean it operates out of an RV?) has gone on record in an open letter to His Gnomeship that his feelings are hurt by Sorrell’s statement that creative’s are fucked and in future will be confined to the dust bin of Madison Avenue. To paraphrase that immortal line from “The Graduate,” the future is media. Big Data is king. Or as he says at yet another fucking conference… “We are Math Men – not Mad Men!” Or, as I would put it… “We are fucked!” 

Now... On a more cheerful note!

Everyone is jumping up and down with excitement at the news that Hewlett-Packard finally made some money this quarter. The shares popped up to nearly $25 dollars, which is still fucking pathetic compared to prices in the past before a succession of fucktard CEO’s came in and wrecked the place. Now, everyone thinks the sun is shining out of current CEO, Meg “I know baseball memorabilia” Whitman’s arse… But hey, it aint fucking over yet. Meg plans to continue cutting costs by axing another 29,000 jobs by the end of fiscal year 2014, and there’ll be even more “downsizing” going on in the future, but obviously not in the executive suite. Right now people in Boise are breathing a little easier, ‘cos HP’s Imaging and Printing division is based here and employs half the population. The rest cook crystal meth and polish their fucking guns. I just stick to making potato vodka… And taking the piss out of Draft/FCB! 

Idaho... Fuck Yeah!!!

Staying with the “Agency of the Past,” Draft/FCB has shifted an AccountNozzle, Rahul Roy from Yum brands… “I ate the fucking bones” to run their new L.A. office. The intention is to make the L.A. office bigger than the Orange County office, which will now be merely a broom closet for buckets etc., after people have “shit their pants because their ass is too big.” Anxious to read all the good news, I proceeded, post haste to the Draft/FCB Web site… Unfortunately, there is no reference whatsoever to the L.A. Office, or any information as to exactly where in La La Land this emporium of filthily gross pun-ology will be situated. Someone will be made to eat their big ass shit boneless pants for this!

Draft/FCB wins new account. A perfect fit says Boschetto!

They’ve done it again… In their continuing quest to get to the bottom of the reeking toilet bowl of advertising, Draft/FCB has come up with another stunner “BIG ASS SAVINGS!” No doubt this will pull a trillion hits on YouTube. Thereby proving that the only thing worse than a Big Dumb Agency is a TMC (Totally Moronic Consumer.) The people responsible for this travesty should be stood against a wall and shot with shit… Preferably from a Big Ass. We should start a movement to stop these fuckers besmirching what used to be a great business. And if anyone comments that shit like this does the job, and is therefore OK, they are a Big Ass Cockholster!

Draft/FCB creatives research their latest campaign!

Once again, at yet another fucking ad conference (do any of these people every go to the office?) The Poisoned Dwarf is dispensing pearls of wisdom. He is now informing us that “The media has become more important than the message!” Marshall McLuhan must be spinning in his grave; after all he did make that proposition nearly sixty fucking years ago in 1964 in “Understanding Media.” Yes, I know His Gnomeship pulls down the big bucks, but occasionally, I wish he would shut his “cockholster!” That’s my new favorite word as a replacement for “piehole.” An AdScamer sent it to me. Feel free to offer improvements. Yes… We are one big happy family here!

As a youth, Sorrell drove his Dad apeshit!

In the ever proliferating area of Global Brand Ambassador – Creative Consultant – Uber Wank Representative – Whatever… News on the street is that J-Lo has entered into a Mobilo – Enricho – Exclusivo – Partnership with Verizon to create a mobile company aimed at the Latino market. Apparently, the idea behind this venture is to offer an enriched customer retail experience. Oh, yes indeed, what a truly original enriched idea! The fact that everything JLo has endorsed or promoted in the past has been a fucking disaster, should in no way stop people from continuing to pedal this shit! 

JLoLaBumBaLoola

Big response to my post about P&G tightening the thumbscrews on their respective BDA’s. Let me re-emphasize a couple of things I have beaten the shit out of for the last couple of hundred years. As I spell out in the first chapter of my previous opus… “The Ubiquitous Persuaders,” Advertising is the second oldest profession in the world… And we all know what the first is! The so-called management of BDA’s, and their respective BDHC’s will sell their first born, prostitute their wives, and take it up the arse for the chance of landing a big account. Having won it (usually at a great expense, never to be recovered) they will then allow the BDC to humiliate, penny pinch, and generally fuck them over… The phrase du jour is “Launching a major ROI review.” But it still means what it has always meant… Taking it up the arse. That’s why the world’s dumbest business continues to get dumber!

Don't fuck with creatives!!!

My old AD partner, “G.I.Joe,” points out that a new study by Pew (as in phew) Research has discovered that teens are increasingly beginning to realize that Facebook is a giant wank, and so are switching to Twitter. Not only because there are fewer parents and old farts over the age of 20 on Zuckernozzle’s giant scam, but also because having to put together their asinine drivel in just 140 characters, presents less of an “intellectual” challenge. Anyway, neither has a “Porn/Quotient” to match Tumblr… Right Melissa… Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!

Does she like Tumblr... Know what I mean?