Many thanks to William, a loyal AdScammer, who I cannot identify, for pointing me in the direction of “Ace-Auto-Tart” Julie Roehm’s latest and greatest blog post… Why does this bimbo continue to think she’s a expert on the auto biz… Probably because she came up with the fucking embarrassing “Lingerie Bowl?” So, this latest blog epic, all about Bob Lutz, the new Marketing Czar of GM, who she used to do lap dances for at NoBu, goes on and on about… I actually have no fucking idea what she's talking about! This reaction was obviously shared by the rest of her readers. Because The post is two days old, and so far there have been no comments… Which, when you consider her Alexa ranking is 4,133,774, means the only readers of her pathetic site are probably her husband… The one she constantly reminds ISN’T the bread winner, and Sean, wherever that poor fucker is these days!

HighJive... You are a fucking Prince!!!

I’ve always been amazed at how gullible American workers are. Their standard of living has gone down drastically in the last thirty years. They have the highest cost, worst health care system in the Western world. They vote for politicians of both parties who continually fuck them over… And they sit back and take it. Right now, in France, workers at the French arm of telecom giant, Nortel have forced management into talks over layoff terms by threatening to blow up their factory. Yeah, that’s right, the “Surrender Monkeys” are showing the way. As Goldman Sachs announces record profits, thanks to our fucking bail out money, they will be paying all 28,000 employees a bonus of at least $600,000, with the big dicks getting millions. And don’t give me that shit that they paid it back… They kept the $13 billion they got through the back door via AIG. OK, so what’s this got to do with the ad biz… Every fucking thing. While WPP lays off thousands all over the world, the Poisoned Dwarf awards himself a ten year $96 million bonus. You know why? Because he fucking can. That’s the way the system works. I’m with the French here… Blow the fuckers up!

Sometimes I get so fucking mad!!!

 

You have to laugh at the news in the Guardian this week that teenagers think Twitter is a giant wank. Mind you, they also think that about television, newspapers and radio. Probably cuts into their drinking and shagging time. This is all based on a research note written by a 15-year-old Morgan Stanley intern that described his friends' media habits. Wait a fucking minute… A FIFTEEN YEAR old intern!!! No wonder the financial business is fucked. Anyway, this young wanker wrote… "Teenagers do not use Twitter. Most have signed up to the service, but then just leave it as they realize that they are not going to update it (mostly because texting Twitter uses up credit, and they would rather text friends with that credit). They realize that no one is viewing their profile, so their tweets are pointless." Well, maybe this fifteen year old has more common sense than all the older fucktards currently tweeting their churlish brains out. He also said teenagers were using more and more media, but they were unwilling to pay for it. Oh fucking dear… There goes all those billions in revenue everyone keeps saying are just over the horizon once you’ve captured all these young fuckers… Mmmm, where have I heard that before?

Pigeon post... It's Wednesday, remember?

You have to just fucking love the piece from Mike Wolfsohn, of current uber-smart agency, Ignited, about their response to the invitation to pitch Zappos. Anyone not obsessed with the fate of BoBo the Chimp, will remember how Zappos invited the fucking universe to pitch their account via an RFP that was posted in AdWeek not long ago. Well, as Mike puts it so well… Like more than 80 other shops around the country, we were lured by the Zappos cattle call. The red flags were hard to miss: the RFP was posted on Adweek.com (so much for carefully screening the participants) and the brief asked for “storyboards and mock-ups” to be included in the first-round response (premature to say the least). But the temptation of winning the Zappos account was even harder to resist. He then goes into very funny and excruciating detail about how fucked up the whole process was. Definitely worth a read… And further proof that we are without a doubt in the most fucked up business in the Universe. Even though we should have learned from years and years of being fucked up the arse… We still believe miracles can happen. Ha… fucking yeah!!!

Do the fucktards at Zappos make great shoes, or what?

As a follow up to my post this morning on retired train driver, Casey Jones. AdScammers have been pointing out that Casey is still, possibly, working within the Poisoned Dwarfs empire. There’s little background info on his new and rather pathetic company,  Jones & Bonevac. It’s like Googling Julie’s mythical company, Backslash Meta… There’s no fucking there, there. It wouldn’t surprise me though if the height challenged one wasn’t backing these fuckers. He does have a track record of shoveling shareholder money down putrid black holes… And you have to admit that if you are at the senior level within WPP, you have to be caught fucking a donkey in the board room to get chucked out. Just look at the track record of senior people at Ogilvy and Y&R… I wouldn’t employ them in a fucking car wash. And don’t get me started on Enfatico. Wouldn’t you think Sir Martin would have learned his lesson by now? No, these fuckers never learn.

And if you're a senior WPP fucktard... You have nothing to worry about!

Remember Casey Jones? No, not the choo choo guy, the Dell marketing fucktard who was responsible for convincing Michael he should entrust the Poisoned Dwarf with creating Enfatico… “The Agency of the Future.” Well he’s now started a company by the name of Jones & Bonevac in Austin, Texas. No doubt in the hope that Michael will pull the dregs of whatever the fuck is left at Enfatico, and give it to these douchenozzles. Yeah, in his fucking dreams. They don’t have a Web site yet, but they have a blog with the latest entry titled… “Marketing’s costly mistakes,” which I’m sure Casey is a fucking expert on, having made so many. They also have a Facebook page, which they haven't updated for nearly a month. So guess what these guys are offering potential clients? “Marketing positioning through innovation and philosophy!” That’s fucking right, breakthrough shit. And if you look at the visual below, this is the Jones&Bonevac new model of Perception Space and Perception Spaces. Whatever the fuck that is.

Smoke & Mirrors baby, Smoke & Mirrors!

You have to fucking laugh at the piece in today’s New York Times by Ace Ad Columnist, uber-douchenozzle, Stuart Elliott, about how Minneapolis Ad Agencies are teaming up to run a campaign aimed at attracting more creative people to the city of… “Freeze your nuts off in the winter… Get bitten to fucking death by mosquitoes in the summer.” The big attraction, obviously, is that this is the city that originated the band wagon every other brain dead agency has since jumped on of producing award winning ads for tattoo parlors and take away Chinese restaurants, which, more often than not, never fucking ran. The 27 Minneapolis agencies taking part in this exercise in futility, are all members of the 4A’s. Non-members… Meaning the real hot ones like, Mono, Olson and Zeus Jones — are told to fuck off. Ha, fucking ha, why am I not surprised about that? The theme of this inspiring effort, is all about not placing your account in New York shops. So you have to wet your pants at the remarks of local fucktard, Kevin DiLorenzo, president of Olson, who says: “Certainly I understand that membership should have its privileges, to borrow an ad slogan, and you should belong to play.” Do you think this dipshit has any idea that the slogan he quotes was created for AmEx by Ogilvy in big, bad New York? Probably not. Back to the drawing board. Have to get that tattoo parlor ad out for tomorrow’s free-sheet.

And they all belong to the 4A's!!!

Hey… Have you seen the shit flinging fest going on between Gizmodo and BestBuy? Apparently the cool dudes at Gizmodo did a post describing the seven kinds of losers who work at BestBuy. They didn’t mention CP+B who do their truly fucking shitty advertising and suck up to them by shooting bad spots for all their other clients in BestBuy stores. I haven’t seen the King delivering burgers in one yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Being on top of their game, the BestBuy fucktards immediately hit back by blogging about the different kinds of Gizmodo bloggers, unfortunately, they could only come up with one. Where the fuck is Alex when you need him?

Geek... What geek?

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last few years, you’ve no doubt seen several of the YouTube versions of the Bunker scene from “Downfall,” the brilliant film starring Bruno Ganz as Hitler (Yeah, and it’s not even fucking Wednesday yet, so get over it!) They all use the three minute sequence were Der Fuehrer is informed that Steiner is not coming to the rescue, but put in sub-titles about everything from Manchester United to Microsoft. Now there’s a fucking classic, where he is informed that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack and will not be singing at his birthday party!!! It’s fucking great. Check out the bits were he rants about paying for the weird ones operations and legal fees, as well as forgiving him for molesting his nephew. Not PC… But it’s fucking Hitler!

A truly great movie!

You have to love the piece inAdAge that Burger King franchisees are up in arms about a couple of things, first, they’re against offering a ONE DOLLAR double cheese burger… Well yeah, I’d be against buying a fucking one dollar cheeseburger. Can you imagine what would be in it for them to make even the smallest profit? More importantly, the franchisees want the sexual and racial content of the Boulder Fart Boy’s creative genius to be toned down. Burger King CMO Russ Klein, has promised less offensive ads, acknowledging that some ads caused offense and have damaged the brand. "Burger King Corporation acknowledges the regrettable but unintended public narrative, reflecting perceptions of some of our patrons, with gratuitous or offensive use of sexual innuendo in a series of various advertisements that have inadvertently reflected negatively on the brand -- and that the advertising will be managed more conservatively with a keen sensitivity accordingly." Here’s the best fucking bit… "Alex Bogusky and I have a clear and mutual understanding of the need for the brand to tone down creative execution in this regard. ... While what is a decidedly more edgy/breakthrough approach to our brand advertising will remain." Oh dear, I don’t care how much you spit shine that last bit… If I was CP+B, I’d get my fucking head down for the next few months and start making BK ads as fucking bad as the other fast food shit they churn out. This one’s definitely worth watching.

So Alex came up with this awesome give away promotion for the one dollar cheeseburger. All the guys think he's a fucking genius!