Does it ever strike you that when life hands you lemons for Tom Collins mixers, one or two would be sufficient, as opposed to the entire friggin' orchard? Yesterday I received the entire East Coast Sam's' Club shipment, so until I whip up a municipal swimming pool or two of lemonade there will be a posting hiatus. I suspect that by early next week I can get rid of this load. Damn, if only Ted Kennedy were still alive, then all I'd need would be 263 gallons of gin.
Being unemployed and middle -aged in modern America is rather like the aftermath of a ECW cage match between Real Life and The Economy versus you and Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Bloody,beaten and barely able to stand, you can only scream " What kind of social contract was that? For the love of God man throw an elbow, pretend you're Nietzsche for second and grow a pair. How do you say "Pile-driver" in French?"
Yet then in the depths of ones' depression and defeat comes a marketing idea so ruthless, cynical, and obviously inspired by Lucifer, that one may only question the universe and say "Why didn't I think of that?". I can only respond in my defense that while I may have sold my soul to Satan, I signed my brothers name.
Perhaps due to the fact I am on the unemployment role, I received in the mail just such a direct mail flyer. I read it with the same morbid fascination as I would guess one has at seeing a "Donkey Show" for the first time. A little outside of Piedras Negras Mexico. With a couple of friends and some local who knows the "Manager" and has a sister employed there.
Upon further review, I realized that this might present an entirely heretofore unrecognized revenue stream. Why, if food stamp recipients could get phone service, they might be eligible for other goods and services. I immediately thought of student loans and home mortgages. What else goes better with mac 'n cheese than something to read and a place to enjoy same? To my chagrin, I discovered that the Federal government had not only beaten me to this idea, but had sent my kids the bill. That pretty much shoots my retirement plan all to hell. How am I supposed to meet a wealthy retired woman if I can't get into a quality nursing home in Florida?
Yet, I am still an American, and we don't give up quite so easily. Unless, we hurt our knees, or maybe have a flat tire at the same time we run out of beer while trying to dodge pre-schoolers. The point is we persevere, and by doing so triumph anew, or least make bail.
With my work ethic reinforced and my imagination stimulated, I saw the obvious flaw in this evil and manipulative marketing plan, namely ; How the hell is a telephone company going to cash food stamps? Even as thick as the Federal government may be, I don't think that "We need the cans to go with our string" is going to work.
As it turns out, I have the perfect plan. MY flyer will read: Get Food Stamps....Then Get Pizza!!!...and Hookers. This is perfect because pizza is a food, and equipped with a stamp becomes money. This also takes advantage of the time honored auxiliary sale or added value.The perfect transaction would be someone ordering several pizzas and several hookers,combining dine-in with delivery. Needless to say, some fine print will be involved. Possibly lawyers.
I figure, worse case in this business model is that I end up with a bunch of food stamps,pizzas and hookers delivery personnel. That just means I can hold an awesome poker game and network.
Tonight on Fox News' Special Report, "The Panel" discussed the financial overhaul bill passed today. Statements by A.B. Stoddard and Charles Krauthammer stood out in particular. Krauthammers' comment was tossed out a casual throw-away line,yet both deserve some further analysis.
At the risk of belaboring the obvious, Stoddard's comment was only significant in illustrating the Pravda like nature of the MFM. She repeated the shallow talking point that "business is sitting on 1.8 trillion dollars". To be fair to Ms. Stoddard, Ben" Just shut up and fly the helicopter" Bernanke said the same thing the other day. Implied by each was that there is some sort of capital strike going on,and depending on who you chose to listen to the answer differed.
Ben's ( and for that matter several others of a conservative bent) opinion seemed to be based on uncertainty caused by the socialist takeover efforts of the Democratic Congress. A.B.'s take seemed to be drawn from some updated Democratic mythology of the FDR years. The gist being that the remaining Big Business Gorgons were just pissed that Perseus Obama had cut off their sisters' head to impress King Moulitsas, and they were withholding their statuary trade.
For those of us mere mortals whose closest brush with Delphi is new spark plugs, the question is begged; What exactly makes up that 1.8 trillion and who exactly is holding it? We are told BUSINESS is hoarding this cash. Does this mean all business? If so, my buddy Stinky Jim owes me some money.If not any business, what kind? For instance, if a handful of megalithic banks are holding that money in Fed reserve as opposed to loaning it out, well then by God Congress should pass a law. Oh wait, they just did. I'm sure that will fix it,if it turns out that is the problem.
Having taken care of that, the other consideration is that the 1.8 trillion is being held by Robber Barons other than banks. In that case, so what? If we assume that the 1.8 trillion are profits, and given that we are relying the Fed Chief and the MFM for that number so you make the call on the veracity, BUSINESS will have to get shed of that amount and shortly. Given the likely expiration of the capital gains cuts at the end of the year, I'd say it's looking like "Hello Monaco and Ms. Supermodel" time for dividends.
In the closing remarks of segment on the Financial Overhaul, Krauthammer casually made the point that bill had special favors for unions included, because the Democratic Party controlled Congress and that's how Congress works. I found this unusual because Charles Krauthammer didn't complete that thought process. I feel sure he meant to conclude that segment with a maniacal laugh while pointing at the camera and telling middle America "You're screwed,screwed I tell you".
Join with me for a moment in an intellectual exercise, which to reassure you will not involve any weight beyond 12 oz's. Let us suppose that by Deus ex machina or some more plebeian means the GOP assumes solid control of the House and at least enough of the Senate to allow for those commie Yankee bastards some defection of certain members. Will this new Republican majority result in the fate of the car chasing dog? Once they catch it, can they drive it?
What exactly should be the Republican plan to flex their new-found political muscle? Lets' start with the premise that virtually everything they did the last time they held power was horribly wrong, as in trench coat and candy in a playground wrong. If these new Representatives have the political sense of a paving stone, they will be aware that their path should cleave close to the fiscally conservative. Any stimulus that they may feel obliged to engage in should be devoted entirely to helping working Americans and those that need work, as opposed to Government rent seekers. It should abundantly clear that they hold office despite the effort of these ballot lice and tax whores.
Complicating the issue will be the inevitable Presidential veto of any attempts to undo the mischief that this current lot of outhouse carp and garbage weevils have imposed on the Republic. As tempting as it may be to go with the full "Mel Gibson", there will simply not be the votes to support telling the President to "Blow me".
Fortunately for the Republicans, the Democratic Party has given them the tool for the job. This nation is on the path the see it's first year without a true budget passed by our Congress. Our government thus far has been funded with stop-gap measures and by "deeming". Since funding budget items has become a discretionary matter, there is ample precedent to continue this trend.
My suggestion is that the GOP should refuse to fund every budget item with the exception of: Social Security,Medicare,Unemployment payments and Defense spending. In this scenario defense spending includes all veterans benefits. When the Presidents budget arrives, pronounce it deader than Lindsay Lohans' career and only fund those certain segments of government. The Democrats and the President would have to approve those items or risk immolation at the polls in 2012.
As for the rest of the Federal government; who cares? Let the SEIU and the other government union vermin experience what America v.2010 has become. It's high time to expose these creatures of the fiscal night to the harsh daylight of life in the competitive job market. The same goes for their enablers in state government. Let California,New York, and Illinois fail as an abject lesson to Leftist budget monkey's and free-loaders everywhere.
Of course, this is just where my intellectual exercise has wandered. Your intellectual mileage may vary, and in point of fact, I hope to God it does. As a Parthian shot however, consider this; Exactly how much does your daily existence depend on the Federal government outside of the aforementioned entities?
Like many people today, I suffer from a certain malaise regarding the future of my country. After hearing J. Christian Adams on a Charlotte NC radio program today, that malaise became full out fear, like the kind you get from waking up in a strange place after too many tequila drinks. You knew that before you began you had a wallet, didn't have tranny spooning on you, and you would like to be shed of one while hopelessly desiring the other. No matter how you shake out on that, you're mighty scared.
Mr.Adams happens to be the DOJ whistle-blower for the case involving the voter intimidation that occurred in Philadelphia. Rather, he would be if said case were actually a case. As it happens the DOJ pretty much blew the whole thing off, using the the time honored legal doctrine of Ut Abyssus Ubis. This was used despite the fact that the Black Panthers in question had more video evidence against them than Paris Hilton had in her infamous "Slut Trial".
Perhaps as sign of my malaise, the fact that a Democratic POTUS and his Democratic Attorney General would not prosecute said case is about as novel as discovering that BP is the POTUS' largest recipient of bribes campaign donations. No what was frightening was what Mr. Adams had to reveal about other DOJ cases that had been given the "right to choose".
Apparently, there is a great deal of voter fraud occurring due to "Motor Voter" laws and early voting. Imagine that, instant registration and the ability to cast a ballot whenever promulgating fraudulent voting. Despite this being as obvious as the Pope's religious preference and the location of ursine restrooms, Mr Adams informed that the DOJ chose not to pursue those investigations.
The fact that the DOJ acted in the POTUS's political interest is not in and of itself terrifying. The fact that they chose to do so as it relates to fair and free elections is incredibly so. The only real glue that binds the tax cattle that are the middle class to this government is the notion that the elected government represents the true will of the people.
This nation of small business owners and those that labor in the private sector only accept our fate as host for the ballot lice based on the premise that our sacrifice is legitimate. If the practical application of the franchise to vote becomes widely debased, then so does the social contract upon which of those that pay taxes. We may accept that the house has an edge in the game, but we refuse to play with loaded dice.
This will be the Lefts' defining moment. For all the wailing of teeth and gnashing of hair that the various Bush DOJ efforts produced, this will show the true face of the American Left. If the thought of some innocent person having their cell phone records examined is a crushing blow to democracy and freedom in this country, how does widespread voter fraud rate? A better question might be: How long will the American Taxpayer's suffer their role without a voice before exercising some "voter intimidation" on their unfairly elected representatives?
As I'm currently occupied working on a ground-breaking new article, and I'm slower than road construction, today we will have links.
Mmm..tasty hot links. I advise light condiments on your screen as these are good by themselves.
The greatest single problem facing America today is unemployment among middle-aged white American bloggers residing in small Southern towns. Although to be fair there is anecdotal evidence that the unemployment situation is widespread.
If we look to history for answers, we find…well, a lot of dates and numbers that are absolutely no help. Turns out that Leftists revised the actual history even before the fish we wrapped it in began to smell bad. This is why we think of Franklin Roosevelt as the savior of the republic instead of some creepy guy who married his cousin and smoked cigarettes like a drag queen.
The truth is our economic revival then, and our economic strength for the next 30 years, had much more to do with a German fellow that looked like Oliver Hardy after Jenny Craig. That and some crazy Japanese. You will of course excuse the redundancy regarding the Japanese.
The unemployment rate among Americans prior to the German hostile takeover of proto-EU was approximately 25%. Considering that women only made up 10-15% of the workforce, and no one even bothered to count anyone that wasn’t white, this equaled a 145% unemployment rate. Wait, that was according to my Leftist calculator. Using a calculator that produces real numbers, it is estimated that 50% of Americans were without work.
World War Two, and especially our good fortune not to have participated in the qualifier rounds, poured vast amounts of “stimulus” into a country whose economy was primarily export and manufacturing led. The end result of all this “stimulus” exploding in every other advanced economy but ours gave the US a virtual monopoly on manufactured goods for the next thirty years. We enjoyed the largest expansion of middle class wealth and TV shows about scary Celtic looking puppets the world has ever witnessed.
In our current off- Broadway reprise of “The Great Depression” the situation is markedly different. America today mostly exports agricultural products and weapons to damage foreign cultures, so setting aside Lady Gaga and “Terminator” movies, that leaves only the farmers employed in export.
Bearing in mind our national goal is to gainfully employ middle aged men to stem the blogging, our task is daunting. We have a service based economy that is dominated by large scale service providers. Entrepreneurial opportunities are constrained by megalithic competition, unavailability of credit, and enough government taxation and regulation to depress Richard Simmons.
Taking an example from the 1930’s, let us say you wished to start a snack foods company, similar to Mr. Lay and Mr. Frito. Actually the second gentleman was named Fritolopulis, but decided against using his Greek-American name to sell his product in the Southwest.
Both men began their business’ using cheap readily available ingredients prepared in home based facilities. Imagine trying that in our modern America. It is highly doubtful that your garage would meet the requirements of the city, county, state, and federal codes, regulations, restrictions and inspections. Not to mention, what the hell are you going to come up with that’s cheaper than what Frito-Lay pays for corn and potatoes? I can only advise you that my line of cardboard snacks was not well received.
Our nation cannot move forward to a prosperous future without addressing the unemployment of the middle-aged blogger segment. We risk an entire generation of young Americans growing up to see 50 year old men only as smelly drunken relics, and those would be the government workers with jobs.
Let us all hope that it doesn’t take another world war to rescue us from this economic nightmare. Let us also pray that if one happens it’s between the Chinese and the Europeans and they need cardboard snack foods.
It's rare to find a truly good analysis of military small arms, more rare still to find one originating from within the military. I highly recommend this article to anyone interested in current military small arms and their applications.
M-4...hazard,threat or Ratgun?
My Italian friend Andy has invited me to post over at his website Border Gazette. I thought Andy had better judgment than that. This is exactly like giving a member of Congress your car keys, Visa card, and telling him where your wife’s panties are kept. Despite this, Andy did somehow manage to come up with two reasons for this horrible faux pas.
Andy is somehow laboring under the impression that I know something about firearms. It is said that knowledge is currency, so in that case I’m suffering a liquidity crisis. Happily for Andy, I’m in tight with the Federal Reserve of information, who promise to buy up all my bad ideas and give me a few billion words to stimulate my situation. I can also rely on the IMF of shooting wisdom, AKA my wife. She has more World and US championship trophies than President Obama has tee times. That said, getting information from her is rather like getting a straight answer from the President if you’re not a golf pro or a coke dealer.
Andy’s other reason is that he needed some “English Content”. Obviously Andy has never read my blog. I happen to be sorely lacking in that particular commodity.
Yet and still, this presents a wonderful opportunity to say fine things about Italians. Of course, being a Conservative the accounts must balance, so I also get to say terrible things about the rest of the Europeans.
I do truly love the Italians. The Italians gave us the basis for engineering good roads, decent government, and literature. Never mind that being Italian they lost the recipe and it took the rest of us 1500 years to rediscover them again. Sadly, the Italians are still looking in their national pants pockets for it, which still puts them 1500 years ahead of the Greeks and the Spanish.
The Italians also gave us “spaghetti westerns” which is the worlds worst descriptive title. They won’t allow you to bring pasta in the movie theater, and the actors dress like someone that wandered off from the gay pride parade. Not to mention, unless they meant the West Village that part was hopelessly wrong. On the bright side, the Italians did prove more adept lip synching than the Japanese.
Italians do make two things I have a passion for, namely firearms and automobiles. More than that, they make them in a variety that translated says…”Come on in, we have a little number in just your price”. Want something that is equal to the finest made anywhere in the world? Take a look over here at this new Bugatti or this fine Berretta shotgun. Want something a little more affordable? Over here we have an Alfa Romeo and a Berretta model 92. Sure they have some quirks, but they have style and for the most part they work. Shopping at the lower end today? Take these Armi San Marco and Fiats. Seriously, take them for the love of God.
I would beg to differ with that general impression on one detail. Fiats and Armi San Marco products are not remotely cheap, given that their actual utility is as boat anchors or paperweights. In that case they are brutally expensive.
To be fair to the Italians, cranking out tinfoil Fiats and crappy Armi San Marco single actions still puts them about 1500 years ahead of the French. The EU should kick Germany out if only for supplying the French with the steel to make Peugots, and if it weren’t for the Belgians the French would go about armed with nothing more substantial than an escargot fork. It also puts them a good 100 years ahead of the Brits in these areas, and about 1500 years ahead in dentistry. As if that weren’t enough, when it comes to food the Italians are so far beyond the British and Germans as to make one wonder if they are the same species.
Having thoroughly insulted every European country that matters ( except the Germans, who are self-parody) it appears that my first effort for Andy is at a merciful end. It does however beg the question whether I shall be pestered for further contributions. I wonder what Italian for “No” is?
I promise this will be the last economic post for awhile. My next post will delve into something like the magical ability of Birkenstocks to make both men and women look gay or some other Lefty bashing subject.
A quick spin arond the MFM reveals:
Kooky Keynesian Kowboys reassuring us tax cattle with Melodic Fiscal Yodeling. Now all we have to do is just keep following the same old trail till we're nice and safe in those pens over there. Never mind those Smiling faces with knives.Despite what the drooling retards that comprise our current Democratic party overlords think, there is only one way out of our current economic woes that has any hope of being sustainable. America must once again begin to make something of value. Wealth is only created by producing a good or service that is desirable. It should be sufficient proof in a competency hearing that the Democratic Party thinks the DMV is desirable.
We are told that we are in a post-industrial society, and that "our economic future lies in services". I suppose that we should be grateful that at least one word in that statement is correct.
Over the past two decades our manufacturing base has largely been exported. The economic effect of this was masked for a time by our housing boom, where we still actually made something more lasting than an Obama promise. With the collapse of Real Estate market, we now good and truly are a service economy, with the resultant effects.
The entire notion of a "service economy" is absolute nonsense. Given the least amount of understanding of humans, it will inevitably result in an economy based upon lawyers, hookers, and drug dealers. The main dilemma being how to get rid of the lawyers.
No my friends, we must re-energize the moribund US manufacturing sector. Especially since we have overbuilt real estate to the point that you can have a house free with the purchase of an extra-value meal at the fish taco stand.
My humble suggestion is that we cut the income tax rate for companies that manufacture goods in the US to zero. Further, we impose caps on liability lawsuits, ban class-action suits, and make losing plaintiffs pay legal fees for both parties.
Now there are some you who question whether these actions will come under fire from the EU and G-8. To that I say with the utmost respect, "Fuck 'em". What are they going to do, fight us? Well, okay the Chinese could dump our debt, but they're planning to do that anyway. What are the Euroweenies going to do, start a war? I say bring it, the whole place is just EuroDisney anyway. This way we get some decent parking.