A seasoned executive in a senior role told me, "Jack is a legend – successful, brilliant, famous. When I’m in the board room with him, I tend to keep more to myself – after all, I don’t add as much value as he does.”

One could easily say my client has a confidence problem, or needs to mature more, which are quick explanations without solutions. Looking more closely, he was discounting his own value.  He was seeing it as variable, rather than constant.   And in viewing it that way, he was marginalizing his own contributions.

More seasoned executives than one might think get in the bad habit of self-marginalizing.  In fact, your value doesn’t vary based on who else is in the room, no matter how amazing or awesome they may be. The only thing that limits the value you bring to any conversation is the choices you make about participating. When you choose to devalue yourself -- either consciously or unconsciously --  in comparison to someone else in the room, because you feel in awe of them, or less than them, you will of course shut down and stop short of giving your best.

I explained it like this: it’s as if you start your day with a 100% sign on your forehead, but when you walk into certain meetings, depending on who else is there, you cross it out and change the amount to 1%, 10%, or 18%, etc. You see your value as a floating amount, relative to others.

What if, instead, your value is exactly 100% in every situation, no matter who else is there? 

Those who view what they have to contribute as constant in every situation don’t need a self-imposed measuring stick, and are thus able to be at their best most of the time.  Try it!

As a former divisional COO at a Fortune 500 company who started literally in the mail room, and over the last 10 years as an executive coach, I’ve lived, practiced, studied, observed, and reflected often on the essence of great leadership. 

Here are ten themes I would categorize as “essentials” -- that whatever will be my next opportunity to lead, I hold them as daily reminders to help me be at my best.

1. Leadership means showing your people why they should care about your mission. Make sure they are fully on board with it, and they're more likely to give you great, rather than simply “good enough,” day after day. 

2. Leadership means managing any tendency to expect of yourself or others perfect work each time. Notice and learn when good is more appropriate than perfect, and you’ll create an effective and engaged team, even as you lead more effectively.

3. Leadership means finding a healthy balance in the distinction between being "informed" and "involved," and between “guiding others to do” and “doing it yourself.” Walk those balances well, and you’re more likely to lead and succeed.

4. Leadership means letting go of someone who’s no longer an effective contributor, if you’ve been quite candid, and there’s no pattern of change. It’s important ultimately to recognize that the apple tree is only going to produce apples, no matter how much you wish it could make an orange. That acceptance is intrinsic to leadership.

5. Leadership means owning inevitable errors and failures, even though fear or stress would tempt you to distance yourself from them. Don’t hide from what’s ugly but true. Aside from being good leadership, an error owned and transcended tends to result in great achievements.

6. Leadership means innovation. True innovation isn’t in a method, process, book, or workshop. It’s in the mirror of your imagination and courage – innovation is, simply, your inspired heart in action.

7. Leadership means making positive (and not negative) impacts on individuals, communities, natural resources, and economic and political ecosystems. Your achievements as a leader will ultimately be measured and moderated by the quality and the positivity of your impacts.

8. Leadership means candor with yourself and others -- both emotionally and intellectually -- and being willing to ask for and hear such honesty from colleagues, clients, and the communities you impact. Great honesty brings the humility needed for great leadership when things are going well, and the necessary fuel for critical change when things are in trouble.

9. Leadership means delegating the “what,” and not the “how,” to launch your people into effective, independent action. It’s honoring them as adults, and coaching / supporting them to find their own ingenuity, even when telling them would be faster.

10. Leadership means asking and listening, rather than “telling,” the majority of the time. It’s trusting the people who know best what’s needed in your organization are the ones actually doing the work and your customers. Your job is to quiet the noise of your own preconceptions and ego in order to hear those who know best: the wisdom of your workforce and clients.

Fostering candid debate is critical for effective leadership. Absent that, the quality of your own leadership will be limited, as your team will give you what you want to hear, rather than what you need to know.

In my executive coaching practice, I notice many leaders imagine themselves open to being challenged or contradicted.  Yet in practice there are two issues: 1. many people working for a leader tend to avoid conflict and/or “yes” the one in charge, and 2. the supposedly open-minded leader may have a blind-spot tendency to go on offense or defense when challenged, sending the signal agreement is strongly preferred.

Be attentive to how you respond to being challenged, questioned, or contradicted, and give your people extra leeway when they do so.

Self-coaching:

- In one-to-one meetings with your direct reports, ask for extra-candid feedback about the way you tend to respond to being told “no” or “I disagree.”

- If you discover you tend to send mixed signals about your level of openness to challenge, ask what you can do to increase the quality of debate / disagreement with you.

- If you notice individuals tend to avoid conflict, coach them on it, providing them support to be bolder in their input to you.

Every person who truly cares about the quality, volume, and overall mission of his or her work is a tremendous asset to any organization.

In my experience as a coach and c-level executive, I learned the hard way how important it is to select people who care, and de-select people who don’t care. That’s basic leadership – surround yourself with an amazing team.

Once you’ve got the right team, what’s next is an even more important leadership lesson: It’s not the leader’s role to motivate, engage or otherwise try to make people care.It’s your job instead to treat people well, and avoid handling them and their work in ways that make them STOP caring.

Here are ten ways to do that:

1. Be candid and direct with them, even when that’s hard or you’d rather they didn’t have to hear the hard things.

2. Challenge them with a significant workload, but don’t overload them -- enable them to balance work and life.

3. Talk to them in respectful ways that validate them and their ideas.

4. Be present, responsive, and available to them, ensuring you spend time with them regularly.

5. Show interest in and actively support their learning and career development.

6. Recognize their accomplishments, spotlight them in senior forums, and make sure they get credit for wins.

7. Don’t ask or tell them to do things you wouldn’t do, such as anything shady, unethical, or otherwise reprehensible.

8. When you give them responsibility for something, give them authority to act on it independently, in their own way.

9. From time to time, ask them for feedback about how you are leading them; take what they say to heart, and do something about it.

10. Ensure the impact of your leadership on your people, and your organization on the world overall are both good, and therefore sustainable.

What we can’t see about ourselves, but is obvious to others around us, can be pure treasure.

What you may find there: Useful strengths, and self-limiting behaviors – the ones that hold you in a pattern of even slightly less than your best. They are usually plain to those around us, even though politeness or
fear on their part can keep them from sharing them with you.

For example, here are four leader profiles, each successful by conventional standards, knowledgeable in their field, skilled at doing their job, and leading good people:

1. The leader who is stuck on transmit, talking so incessantly that it's a thing people mention about him – AND, more importantly, the best ideas of his people go unheard and unexploited by him.

2. The "get it done" leader who seems hostile and overly demanding, even though it's not intentional -- people follow this leader out of habit rather than engagement, so she doesn’t have their best work.

3. The leader who is a world-class social and friendly type – beloved and always one of the gang, but he’s not able to make the tough calls, and results (and the shared achievements of his organization) suffer because he’s more focused on being liked than doing what’s necessary.

4. The leader who has to be "in control" and have her hand in everything, imagining that if she stops telling her people (with the best of intentions) what to do and how to do it, then the gears will grind to a halt – AND she’s exhausted, working 24/7, and leaving people wondering why she doesn’t trust them.

While you’d think each of these leaders would have heard feedback or comments about their behavior, it’s more likely they have not.After all, people don’t proactively share the contents of your blind spot with you, particularly when they can be frustrated by it:

"Uh, Jack, you talk constantly, and nobody else gets a word in edge-wise. You don't take a meeting, you take hostages. You aren't listening, you're pausing to reload. Please change. "That’s not going to happen, unless the leader seeks it out. But if that were YOUR issue, wouldn't you want to know about it?

Yes, it would be hard for the old ego. But after a few (hopefully quick) stages like shock, anger, rationalization, and acceptance -- it’s pure gold! You are already doing well, and this little bit of disturbing news would simply help you ratchet your game up to the next level.

You have to go looking for this to profit from it. As I said, people won’t proactively share it with you. Seek it out. Get an interview-based 360 evaluation.

In short, whether an untapped strength, a development area, or elephant in the room, you need to know what you are not seeing about yourself as a leader or colleague, but others see, and that would help you significantly to know and change.

Be prepared: when we first get wind of something in our blind spot -- it's embarrassing because it's so obvious to others, and we missed it ourselves. Ego hates that.

But it's worth it ... that is, only if you want to upgrade your game.

I'm not a "futurist" -- although I've always thought that would be a great job. Even so, as I coach leaders across many organizations and industries, I can't help but notice three under-invested areas in how we develop our emerging leaders.

Sustainability, virtualization, and crisis continuity are discussed often. With few exceptions, they tend to remain reactive or status quo among most organizations. Worse, they are under-served topics in leader education and development worldwide. Yet, they will not be ignored, and will demand greater share of mind and wallet for leaders in the years immediately ahead.

1. Sustainability

Just as today's executives must master product, process, resources, and marketplace, emerging leaders will additionally achieve and compete based on their skills at optimizing sustainable practices in waste, energy, materials, and economics, as well as their social and environmental impacts. They will have to balance these things delicately in order to steward increasingly limited resources. In fact, as constraints grow, they will need to lead in ways that create common-good intersections between corporate (or individual) gain/profit, people, planet, and community.

2. Workforce and workplace virtualization

The cycle of rigid, giant, even "too big to fail" companies with traditional organizational structures is ending. Too big and bulky to succeed for much longer in their current form, they are increasingly breaking down due to their inflexibility in the rapids of change. As this happens, new, more agile and modular structures are emerging. Organizations our future leaders will run will be leaner, perhaps more democratic, and "fit for purpose." Traditional office campuses will continue to disappear, as technology enables ever better collaboration without regard to location. Virtual work forces and workplaces will be the rule rather than the exception. Future leaders will thus need to hone new organizational models and leadership styles that welcome and optimize, rather than fight against, these changes.

3. Continuity in Crisis

War, terrorism, unrest, and climate change -- the human condition -- will continue uninterrupted. Man made disruptions and natural disasters alike will demand of future leaders the flexibility to operate with equal continuity in various states of infrastructural impairment, and have greater and more real time continuity capacities. Testing and honing large-scale uninterruptable functionality will be on the desks of near-future leaders as proactive -- rather than reactive agenda items.

These are hardly difficult to imagine as major emerging factors likely to face our near-future leaders. We're talking about them, and having conferences and workshops, yet when it comes to roles, resources, and education, most enterprises and institutions of learning are not putting these issues front and center. They are simply too easily labeled "nice to have," particularly when budgets are tight.

Without such programs, it's as if we hope the new skills will materialize spontaneously among leaders. And of course they will, but in reactive modes, and that, of course, is preventable with some "future thinking" and advance planning in the here and now.We (and here I mean the planetary "we") are more likely to succeed, given these changes, if we take a proactive approach to developing our future leaders with these trends front and center.

You need to avoid the typical temptations to be a bossy boss if you want to build a more powerful, capable team.  Leading well requires being careful about why and when to tell your people what to do, versus asking them questions to draw out their own best thinking.

Generally, the “why” a leader should ask questions, versus give answers or direction, is simple: To enable / allow the person to hunt down their own solutions this time, and on their own in the future. This builds autonomy and maximizes them as a resource to you and your organization. 

The “when to tell them the answer” is also simple: 1) If the person is lacking a key piece of information or training necessary to solve the problem, or 2) if they are in the path of significant harm or failure. I say “significant” harm or failure because a small amount of experienced pain is a better lesson than any amount of bossing or direction. In fact, I suggest clients let their capable, motivated people “fail small” in order to experience that pain and take its lesson to heart permanently.

Knowing all this, even the best managers or leaders STILL find themselves being too bossy. I see it all the time in my practice. I help clients overcome this by introducing them to (and helping them practice navigating) these six temptations:

1. Being the Answer Boss

When your person asks you a direct question, it’s tempting to answer it, rather than ask one in return. Barring a knowledge gap or significant harm, don’t be tempted to answer their question right away, particularly if you want to help them think for themselves, and lessen any dependence on you. Instead, ask one in return.

2. Being the Opinionator

When you’ve asked great questions, and the person has told you their story, it’s tempting to render your own opinion or judgment – particularly if you see they’re seeking that. Instead, why not ask them to form their own conclusions, with questions like: “What are your major conclusions here?” / “What would you do to resolve it?” / “What ideas would you share with one of your people who came to you with that situation?” Putting your own opinions or diagnosis aside in favor of drawing out your people’s best thinking (for themselves) yields future gains for you and your organization.

3. Avoiding the Parent Trap

When someone tells you their problem or situation, and you’ve experienced the same thing and have your own “success,” “cautionary,” or “lesson-learned,” story to tell about it, it’s very tempting to tell them YOUR similar story to save them a step or two. You can do that, but it won’t stick with them as well as if they learn (or discover) their own lesson about it, with you asking facilitative questions.

4. Asking Annoying Questions

If a smart manager or leader hears someone describe what seems remedial or dumb, it can be tempting to ask unhelpful questions like “why didn't you do it this way?” Why questions, particularly about the past, are rarely going to yield results. Ask instead “what” and “how” questions about the present to the future, and you will be furthering someone’s ability to solve and act on that solution.

5. Having Something to Prove

If you’re new in a role, or otherwise sense you need to prove yourself (or prove something) with your people, it can be tempting to try doing that by telling them your smart or clever thoughts. Leaders don’t have to prove their value – instead, they can prove their leadership by drawing the best out of their team. That happens by asking great questions.

6. Avoiding the Temptation to Beat the Clock

Perhaps the biggest culprit behind being bossy is the rationalization or desire to “solve the problem for the person quickly -- in the interest of time or expedience. After all, why let the thing drag on like a ball and chain?! Just tell them the answer, and they can get it done. While this shortcut works in the short term, in the longer term it actually makes everything with that person take longer, because they will come back to you for the answers, again and again. It breeds dependence. Instead, taking longer in the short term by asking them the right questions to help them figure it out for themselves will be a gift that keeps on giving.

For more information, see related posts you might find helpful: “Leading More by Talking Less” (I posted earlier this week on Huffington) and “Upgrading Results by Avoiding Why Questions.”

1.   When you picture a failure, you imagine you’ll fall a mile, but it’s only an inch -- an oops.

2.   The best work feels like constructive play -- so it's the leader's job to make an environment where fun is not only possible, but probable.

3.   A leader’s job is more about asking great questions than having great answers.

4.   If a colleague is angry or upset it shows they care, and that caring is the pathway to the solution.

5.   Shut up your monkey mind and listen.  Being “in the zone” of a quiet, listening mind with others yields the richest conversations, insights, and outcomes.

6.   Clean out your blind spots (at least annually) and what you don’t know is less likely to interfere with your leadership.

7.   Delegation is about trusting someone with responsibility and verifying they are handling it responsibly.

8.   Authenticity is a great leadership trait if you work on yourself enough that when people see the “real” you, they aren’t de-motivated.

9.   It’s important for a leader to ask regularly, “What is my purpose?” and/or “What fires me up to do what I do?” and lead from the answer every day.

10.   Leadership is the why, what, how and when of the present to the future. If you're talking about the past, you aren’t leading.

We all worry at times, and leaders are no exception. We don't think of it as something we need to manage. Most of us get used to living with it, and some leaders even believe it to be motivational -- as in, "My worries keep me on my toes."

Worrying never made anything better, faster, or in a more effective way.  It drags us down more than it motivates us to our best.  In fact, your achievements are in spite of—not because of—the stress of your worries.

When you notice yourself worrying, call it for what it is: unhelpful, self-inflicted negativity. Then let it go.  After all, it can’t keep you down when you catch yourself in the act and promptly dismiss it.

This simple “worry-management” practice will improve your outlook, and help you be a happier, more effective leader.

Coaching tips:

- Clear the worry decks: Make a list of your current worries; ones that either nag you, pop up at times, or even impinge on your sense of peace.

- For each item on the list, jot down a sentence or two about the absolute “worst case”—what could happen if your fears are fully realized, AND a “realistic case”—what’s reasonably likely to happen, given the way things are going.

- Then turn your unproductive worry into problem-solving concern: imagine the “realistic case” yielding a positive outcome.  What do you need to start, stop, change, or continue doing, and how should you amend your thinking, to give that outcome your full support?

- Once these plans are in place, the worries may continue to pop up to haunt you at times. Acknowledge and dismiss them in real time—give them the rest of the day off.

Looking back on the last week, what percentage of your time did you spend leading in ways that directly added value to achieving your most important goals? 

Subtract that from 100 and the remainder of your time -- or most of it -- likely went to the "Distraction Monster" -- by which I mean the meetings, projects, committees, initiatives, and busy work keeping you sequestered in conference rooms, phone calls, plowing through IM's, emails, or on the road leading away from what you're hoping to achieve. 

If you're like my clients, you've noticed that productivity has simply never been so entwined with distraction.

As a senior executive in a large company told me, "We get pulled into way, way too many things that don't add any value to achieving our goals.  And because we are so distracted from running our own teams, our actual value-added leadership tends to be in sound bites."

If you're happy and successful leading by sound bite, in the margins between distractions, then you're ahead of the game.  If not, then it's time to reclaim your time in a more militant, err, deliberate way.  Here are four suggestions to get you started:

1. Look at your calendar for the next six weeks and circle value added activities, and cross out non-value-added ones. Take actions accordingly.

2. Make a list of recurring time commitments that suck your soul or energy away for little or no value and cross them out. Consider and execute tactics and  strategies for unwinding yourself from them.

3. Change the way things get on your calendar such that there's a step where you can evaluate the value to you, your team, and the organization, and say "no thank you" or "yes and not now."

4. Develop a set of standards for how you will and won't be available for others (e.g., email, IM, etc.) and organize yourself, your team, and your leader around that.  Be open to amending it, but only in the context of a discussion of the value of time spent.

Take these steps regularly and you will notice your time and energy freed for doing your best, and being at your best, as a leader in your organization.  And, it's extraordinarily satsifying.

During my corporate P&L general management days, we had a saying about our head of risk and compliance: “He’s predicted all 12 of the last zero disasters.”

Indeed he was always finding reasons we should NOT do something. Growth was “suspicious” and innovation was “worrisome” and a single audit issue foretold there would be “much more to come.” Grim, huh? One wondered how he drove home at night without going mad or bursting into flames.

In this case, we, the leaders, were allowing risk to manage our business outcomes, versus balancing risk with innovation and growth.

As CEO, Board Member, or Senior Executive, it’s incumbent on you to find a better balance -- the happy medium between prudence and paranoia, and to do so without reacting to past events or predicting serial future doom.

Here’s How to Rebalance Risk Management

A simple model for doing this is to analyze the major risk factors in your enterprise(s), address the risks with excellent controls, and then find the keys that unlock those risks from growth and innovation. Sounds easy, right? Well it takes quite a bit of work, but is highly worth it.

Short of doing that, paranoia and the associated dampening of business activities – posing as “risk management” – won’t work unless you plan to run a mausoleum.

When you encourage rigorous debates you create an effective culture for innovation.

Yet just the opposite is often true, particularly in more mature leadership teams.  As I coach such groups, I notice it tends to start from the top -- the leader will hold agreement, comfort, and/or consensus as more important than the disharmony of conflicting views.

Putting consenus above conflict hinders communication and innovation as surely as if you said, "Let's not rock the boat with new ideas." 

The power of your people's ideas is enhanced when they can share them openly, and diminished if they are left unchallenged.

As I said, it starts from the top.  If you, as the leader, tend to avoid conflict, because it bothers you, you like people to "play nice" or you need them to see things your own way, you're at higher risk for leading your group into an echo chamber of safe ideas.

Innovation needs you to turn off the safety and get that rigorous debate going.  Richer contributions from you and your team will follow.

Coaching Questions:

-  Is the role of consensus in my organization moving us closer to, or further from, innovation and effective action?

-  Do we tend to avoid conflict—and if so, what is my role in that?

-  What can I and my leadership team do in the months ahead to upgrade the level of candid, well-intentioned debate?

We all know people who seek too much approval or reassurance. As a leader to them, your authority seems amplified -- your opinions and decisions impact their very sense of security or self-worth. They may strike you as overly needy, clingy, or fawning. As their leader, it's a responsibility you don't need or want. 

You can use that bit of extra "power" you have with them to wean them off of the habit of taking you too much to heart, and needing more of you than, well, necessary.

It's time for some candid feedback.  Coach them to greater effectiveness by explaining how they are coming across to you (which may be in their blind spot), and how your actions / decisions / assessments are neither an endorsement nor indictment of them as a person. Take the lead on alleviating this burden helps you and the other person achieve greater results together.

Coaching Questions:

- Is there anyone on your team who seems to need more reassurance and/or approval than others?

- Would there be something to gain by explaining to them privately, candidly, and kindly how they are coming across to you?

- If you were to cut off giving that person extra approval or reassurance, what would be at stake for them and for you?

- What can you commit to changing when it comes to the person who seeks too much from you?

Think about your best-ever work experience. Got it?  I’ll bet even if it was tough, ultimately it was fun.

I remind you of that because, as a leader, the same is true for those in your organization.  If you’re hoping for their best-ever work (working for you), "fun" needs to be on the table.  (A state of stress, indifference, tension and angst won’t induce peak experiences, or peak output.)

Leaders who encourage an appropriate level of fun on the job are happier and more effective, and their people are too.

No one wants grim determination, even on a Monday.

So it's up to you to encourage a playful spirit when possible and you will unleash good energy and creativity on old problems. Everyone, including you, will operate at a peak level when you let go of any notion that work isn’t supposed to be fun.

Three "leaders make fun, not stress" coaching questions:

• If someone asked your people if having some fun is part of your organization’s culture, what would they be likely to say?

• In what ways do your own beliefs or assumptions stand in the way of an enjoyable atmosphere among your people, or in your organization?

• What can you do more to promote a spirit of constructive play in your organization?

When the majority of your work time is spent tackling the problems you enjoy most, you’re “one of the lucky ones” who loves their work. The opposite is also true.

My experience as an exec, and coaching other leaders, boils down to this: your role needs to align with your soul.

It’s not just a luxury to know if you, your people, or someone you may hire has the soul of a starter, builder, fixer, or runner. To be at our best, and do our best work consistently, it’s a necessity. For example, if you’re a Starter in a Fixer’s job, there’s a problem. Not that you can’t do it – particularly if a need arises, but your energy expenditure is going to be astronomical, and over time the toll will be great.

If you ask the right questions, however, you can greatly increase your ability to be in sync with work life, and avoid being drained and daunted day in and day out.

Keep in mind, as you take a look at the following four problem sets that there is plenty of overlap at certain times, and that offers variety, but just as you have a preference, the needs of any role has one too.

As you read them, consider: Which one is the most “you” at this point in your life? Which of the challenges give you your biggest thrill, or sense of fulfillment? Which one would you like to spend the majority of your time doing? Are you?

1. The “Starter” loves the challenges of the blank whiteboard. S/he sees it as an invitation to innovation, invention or creation, and will take the steps needed to turn that clear vision into action. They have the soul of an entrepreneur/ instigator and the energy and skills to go with it. Once it’s off the ground, interest tends to move on to the next big idea.

2. The “Builder” loves the challenges of growing something bigger. S/he will be at, err, peace when the dials of volumes, sales or other growth metrics are spinning up. They love applying cleverness and skill to balancing resources versus constraints versus high demand, and are happiest when that results in the “great to have” problems of significant growth. Over time, as the growth line inevitably begins to flatten, the Builder will be ready for a change.

3. The “Fixer” loves the challenges of something or someone in need, and the promise of making a big difference. S/he wants to get into gnarly issues – the tougher the better. They believe in their ability to instigate change, even when others see a wall or puzzle of human or organizational nature. They are happiest when applying their smarts and skills to make a big impact that leads to lasting change. Once done with the remarkable feat, it’s time for the next new challenge.

4.The ”Runner” loves the challenges of the long game. S/he enjoys ongoing responsibility through thick and thin, ever keeping a steady hand on the tiller. They are less likely to want to change things significantly over a short period of time, but want to make more subtle adjustments that keep things on track.  They see the long haul responsibility not as a burden, but as a blessing.

Not only is it critical for a leader or executive to know themselves, but it’s also important to understand your team, and anyone you may hire. After all, imagine letting an interview candidate pick just one, as the thing they most enjoy doing the majority of time.

If you spend just a bit of time reflecting on this, and how it fits (or doesn't fit) with your current role, or the one you may be seeking, you’re going to make better choices. It’s inevitable.

It’s fair to say many, if not most, private sector CEOs over the age of 50 firmly embrace “traditional capitalism” – equal parts American Dream, ever-higher profits, low or no taxes, and "kill or be eaten."

Case in point: a few years ago I was coaching a potential successor to the CEO of a Fortune 50 company. At one point, I asked this baby boomer how he’d like to be remembered after he’s gone (a typical legacy question) and he replied, “That I ran a profitable company.” Pressing deeper, I asked, “That you ran a profitable company … for the sake of what?” He stared blankly at me, paused, and said, “I don’t understand the question.”

This profitability-for-its-own-sake model has resulted in such billboard favorites as an unprecedented concentration of wealth, increased domestic poverty, rampant paralysis in Washington, two wars, three rapid fire economic collapses (internet bubble, housing bubble, and Wall Street-on-steroids bubble,) sky high health care costs, and, to put a bow on it, trillions in national debt “gifted” to the next generations.

On a more recent engagement, having had a post-boomer executive coaching client named as a new CEO, I have been reflecting on the promise of better things to come from this new generation of leaders. I can’t help but find myself rooting for an evolutionary giant step in capitalism.

Building on this idealistic notion, I wanted to share an elaborate and brilliant set of ideas about a kind of “capitalism with care,” to tell these younger leaders what it should look like. Unfortunately, I can’t do that.

I realize that I, like my cohort and forebears, have run out the clock on doing it our way. Given that we’ve hardly distinguished ourselves, it would be the height of hubris to think we have much right to define the next Big Ideas for capitalism’s evolution. Whatever the new rules will bring, if things are to change much beyond Mad Men (minus adult beverages and smoking in the workplace; I’ll give us those two progress points,) it’s going to be up to the next generation of leaders to innovate capitalism itself, if they are so inclined.

As Albert Einstein noted, “You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.” Given that, I hope post-boomer CEOs will transcend the “I win / you lose” mentality that surrounded them during their formative years.

I don’t mean they should starve -- there’s no harm in enjoying the fruits of your labor, and no one can begrudge post-boomers for wanting their own piece of the dream. I don’t. However, I hope they can show us all how to share rewards more broadly, and make them sustainable in exciting new ways.

Provided they rise to this challenge, I’m optimistic that when I ask, “How would you like to be remembered … and for the sake of what?” their answers will transcend profitability’s dead end – forging an open road of capitalism for the common good, one where all may travel, confident that a better future is just ahead.

David N. Peck

Here are 63 things to avoid saying.  Filler, malapropisms, non-words, verbal tics, cliche and jargon phrases that, particularly when used repeatedly, tend to detract from the clarity and impact with which you communicate.

1. “It is what it is”
2. “It’s all good”
3. “At the end of the day,”
4. “Challenge” (or) “Opportunity” when you mean problem
5. “Comfort zone"
6. “Crucial conversation” when you mean candid feedback or argument
7. “Get creative” when you mean “Fix it."
8. “Am I right?”
9. “Heavy lifting” when you mean deep analysis or hard work
10. “Help me understand” when you mean “I disagree”
11. “Honestly” / “To be honest” / “Truthfully” / “Truth be told” / “Frankly”
12. “I’m not smart enough to understand” when you mean “You're being unclear" or "You're wrong”
13. “In the weeds” when you mean overly involved in details
14. “Innovate” / “Innovation” when you mean idea
15. “Irregardless” (No such word)
16. “Lessons learned” / “learnings” when you mean mistakes, failures, or problems
17. “Leverage” when you mean use or take advantage
18. “Out of pocket” when you mean “Busy”
19. “Soft skills” when you mean ability to collaborate or interact with others effectively
20. “Take it offline” when you mean discuss privately
21. “Think outside the box”
22. “To make a long story short”
23. “Unintended consequences” when you mean failed to anticipate
24. “Win / win”
25. “Work smart” / “Do more with less”
26. “You know?” / “You know what I mean?” / “You know what I'm saying?”
27. “You follow?” / “You following me?”
28. “And so forth” / “Yadda yadda”
29. “Et cetera” (spoken)
30. “Awesome”
31. “Bandwidth” when you mean “workload” or ability to be attentive
32. “Best practice(s)”
33. “Drink the Koolaid” when you mean the need to agree
34. “Ducks in a row”
35. “Ecosystem” when you mean market, enterprise, environment or situation
36. “Full plate” when you mean busy
37. “Going forward” / “Moving forward”
38. “In the loop”
39. “Low hanging fruit” when you mean obvious priority or simple to address
40. “Over (his or her) skis” when you mean unskilled, incompetent or unable
41. “Reach out” when you mean contact
42. “Seriously?” when you intend to express shock or disbelief
43. “Supposedly” (or worse) “Supposably”
44. “That said”
45. “Train wreck” / “Meltdown” when you mean strong feeling, mistake, or problem
46. “Weigh in,” when you mean give your opinion
47. “Basically”
48. “Clearly”
49. “Connect the dots” / “Do the math” / “You do the math”
50. “I would like to say” / “I would say” / “Let me say”
51. “In my opinion”
52. “Kind of” (repeatedly, as filler)
53. “Like” (repeatedly, as filler)
54. “I mean” (repeatedly, as filler)
55. “Mental note” / “Note to self”
56. “Move the needle” when you mean make a significant impact
57. “My friend” (repeatedly)
58. “Open kimono,” when you mean candor or take into confidence
59. “Sick,” when you mean “amazing”
60. “Double-click,” when you mean examine or consider
61. “Without doubt” / “Without a doubt” / “No doubt”
62. “Solution set” / “Solution stack”
63. “Sooner rather than later”

There are, of course, many more to be added to the list, and I welcome your comments (below.) After all, at the end of the day, it is what it is -- feel free to weigh in.

(Thanks to Tariq Ahmed for #47, incorporated above.)

1. Tell the truth, up and down your organization.

2. Say what's unspoken and constructive.

3. Change what's not working, without delay.

4. Love something about each of your people. 

5. Pay most attention to the stuff you'd most like to ignore.

6. Group time is for listening, brainstorming, debating, and deciding – not informing.

7. Catalyze your people to do their job their own way, with maximum autonomy.

8. Try not to do anything too stupid, one day at a time.

9. Learn continuously; then try new / different things.

10. Face facts even when you can't save face.

11. Care.

12. Select then hit your numbers.

David Peck

Consider a few typical strengths a leader may have: say they're a good delegator, a great relationship-builder, results-oriented, decisive, etc.  Interestingly, our strengths become weaknesses when we overuse or misapply them to the situation.

That's why I often hear my clients' colleagues say, "It's his strength, but also weakness at times..."

So it's important to know which of your own strengths tend to become weaknesses, and what triggers that to happen.  Once you know your pattern you can catch yourself, and turn it back around to a positive.  With a little help from those you trust, which I describe later in this post, and your willingness to notice and respond (rather than react) to the triggers that can make you overdo a strength, you will make significant progress on achieving your best in most situations.

• Strength: A good grasp of details. When taken too far: “Spends too much time in the weeds” or is “Overly controlling” or has "trouble delegating" or "gets involved in things way below their pay grade." (For a deeper look at this topic: 7 Powerful Ways to Know When to be Hands On or Hands Off)

• Strength: High standards. Taken too far: Perfectionism—overly demanding of self or others; drives everyone too hard for diminishing returns.  Has to have that last detail just right, even if it takes everyone down. (For a deeper look at this topic: Three Steps to Managing Perfectionsim's Side Effects)

• Strength: Great relationship-builder.  Too far: “Flies at too high a level / lacks focus on getting the job done.” (For a deeper look at this topic: 10 Areas to Upgrade Your Effectiveness)

• Strength: Results-oriented.  Taken too far: “Leaves a trail of bodies behind them.  Uses people up, then moves on.” All about tasks and not humanity or people or relationships. (For a deeper look at this topic: 5 Ways to Know if You are an Efficient or Effective Leader)

• Strength: Strategic thinker.  Too far: “Gets us into analysis paralysis,” and “More interested in discussion than action” and "Spends too much time on PowerPoint. not so great on execution." (For a deeper look at this topic: Getting it Done! An MRI for Your Project or Business)

• Strength: Decisive.  Too far: “Overly-controlling /dictatorial” and, “Needs to be the alpha in the room.” (For a deeper look at this topic: 7 Powerful Ways to Know When to be Hands On or Hands Off)

• Strength: Confident. Too far: Arrogant / egotistical / narcissistic. "It's all about her, so make sure you've got plenty of time." (For a deeper look at this topic: Self-aware Leadership Watch: Is Your Ego Your Amigo?)

Overusing or misusing a strength is usually a blind spot issue, so it’s jarring to learn about it.  It's like someone noticing you’re way too loud; plain for them to hear, but not obvious to you, unless you ask, and/or they tell you.

That's why there’s no better way to learn of your strengths-become-weaknesses than to ask for a bit of feedback from people around you, like colleagues, clients, or family. You can ask:

“Which of my strengths become a (problem / issue / weakness) at times?” and “Do you notice a pattern to when or how that happens?”

Be prepared, though, because you may take a hit to the ego as I suggested above.

Often leaders say to me “Yah, but this is how I got to where I am today.” I respond that they got there because of that great core strength, and despite the times when they misuse or overuse it.  The voice is there, and that’s indeed great, but it’s important to be able to set the volume at the right level to let it be a positive.

Practice takes a commitment to change thinking and actions alike, and holding yourself accountable to notice and moderate the behaviors you tend to over-emphasize.

Being gentle yet firm with yourself about your development areas is a good start.  Also, those same colleagues, friends, and family can be a great help in ratcheting your weaknesses back into the strengths contained within them -- you can make that happen by checking back with them from time to time, remind them what they noticed when you asked originally, and request any further observations from them.  It works.

I guarantee you if you don’t check your blind spot for your own blend of strengths-cum-weaknesses, you’ll be falling short of taking your A-game to the field every day, so why not give it a try?

David Peck

It’s true that the real rainmakers -- those few who are truly gifted at selling complex products or services – are naturally talented.

Many others -- the rest of us -- are perfectly capable of being wonderful business developers. The opportunity here is to take a look at what talented rainmakers do naturally, that can apply to others who want to sharpen their skills.

Working with and coaching a number of great sellers in and out of professional services over the years, I’ve noticed five habits they have in common. They are certainly worthy of consideration for anyone in a position to sell – or be a business-building ambassador for – an organization with a more sophisticated product or service offer.

While all great sellers don’t do each of these habits 100% (or 100% of the time), the more of each one they do, the higher the likelihood their numbers will be a happy thing.

1. Target Market “Fit”

The degree to which your time / energy is a clear and publicly identifiable fit with your own (and your firm’s) professional “brand” – in terms of expertise, network, personality, purpose, values, position, and distinctive public profile.

2. Blended Life

The degree to which your personal contacts and activities are blended with your professional contacts and activities. You may say , “So much for work / life balance, eh?” But many great rainmakers don’t see socializing with and involving potential clients in their lives as a task, they see it as a natural extension of their love for what they do.

3. Creating Opportunities versus Executing Deals

The amount of time creating opportunities or paving the way for new deals versus executing them. Great rainmakers spend most of their time on originating business versus the nuts and bolts of memorializing the deal. That doesn’t mean they set it up and let it go – since they maintain great relationships with their clients and prospects, they are can’t help but stay updated and make sure whomever they’ve turned to for execution is doing a great job. Yet they don’t micromanage or dwell on the deals being done; they are on to the next one.

4. Effort Level

The level amount of time and effort expended on business development – the more waking hours spent on building new business the better. Since great rainmakers tend to enjoy what they are doing (the thrill of the hunt, as it were), they have no problem spending much of their time on it in one form or another.

5. Rainmaker’s Hearing

The “filter” through which you are hearing any conversation. Even the most innocuous discussions can end up in the direction of business development. Great rainmakers always have a “monitor” going for a direction or vector or lesson that might lead to something – whether a deal might happen, or simply a small personal habit they notice in someone that could sharpen their game.

If someone is at the low end of business development, they don’t need to ratchet all of the above up to 100, and they may not be comfortable with everything here. But certainly sliding up the scale on several or more will upgrade their chances of delivering the best they can possibly do.

(In addition to the above five themes, Mike Schultz’s book, Rainmaking Conversations: Influence, Persuade, and Sell in Any Situation (2011: Wiley) is a great read on the topic.)

David Peck

It’s human nature to get in a rut – or become complacent – at times. It happens to most people more than once during their career, and it’s worthwhile to address it before it drags on for too long.

As it tends to sneak up on us, rather than strike suddenly, complacency can be well hidden in your blind spot.  Whether it's that recent but oh-so-familiar sense of distraction, being tuned out, repetitive stress or drama (after all, a "rut" doesn't mean things aren't happening,) okay but similar results, people issues, or challenges, it's a rut.  It's that sense of "same old same old" -- knowing in your quiet moments you are coasting rather than building, learning, or innovating.

At some level, sooner or later, you awaken to it -- because things feel tedious or easy in a way that's not like you, or something is “off.” It’s as if you’ve been listening to the same few songs for months and you need to make a new play list.

When you recognize it's time to change your tune, here are seven concrete things you can do to snap yourself out of it:

1. Take a break. Consider the notion that to shift your own perspective, you need to disconnect fully from your own routines and habits at work. Step away, shut down, and don’t check in for a few days or weeks, and come back fresh.

2. Face it. Start a conversation about your own (or your organization’s) complacency with a trusted adviser who will not pull their punches, and practice avoiding being defensive. Take action accordingly.

3. Reset or change your goals. Set / reset a new or different bar for your own performance and/or for your organization.

4. Take on the bigger enduring issues. Consider your top three long-standing toughest challenges that you’ve either learned to live with, ignore, or work around. Ask yourself “what’s needed here?” Resolve to fix them in order of importance.

5. Reconsider your role / contribution. Take a fresh look at your own contribution to your organization as if you were a prospective outside board member or investor, rather than an inside leader. Answer the question: what needs to change for me to be at full throttle / giving my best most days? Run with what you discover.

6. Shake it up. Put a “thought-grenade” on the table on a recurring and seemingly unsolvable reality. Tell a team, “let’s scrap it,” or “what would it be like if we started from scratch,” or “let’s sell it,” and see where that discussion leads.

7. Shift into the future and look back. Challenge yourself and your team to imagine being forward in time to one year hence – what needs to be true for you to be delighted with where you are then. Look back from that vantage point to the present and admit what needs to change for that future to be created. Then make changes.

You can do any or all of the above, and see what works best for you. It’s not easy to admit you’ve become complacent, but it gets the best of us, so you’re in good company.  Now is the time to take the right steps to shift yourself – or your organization -- into a different gear.

David Peck

Leadership, just like great romance, needs an awareness of “chemistry” to be at its best. Leaders who are mindful of this have a solid advantage, while those who don’t take it into consideration are missing a key piece of information.

Think about it: whether you're managing a team, merging / acquiring, hiring, coaching performance, resolving a conflict, getting to know a colleague, or building relationships with your board of directors, you know where chemistry is present or absent. Yet we don’t often speak of “chemistry” because it sounds mystical or certainly unquantifiable – yet it’s among the most important information for any leader. Its presence can mean great things, and a bad fit can mean a big headache.

When hiring, if you ignore the need for a great fit (in addition to your other standards), or let it fly under the radar of consideration, you will create avoidable problems. Use it / master it, know how it feels when it’s missing (and manage through its absence), and it’s a great ally in your success.  I see its impact on leaders and organizations every day.

For example, have you ever had a time when you, your job, your boss, and the organization were a great fit for each other? Now think about a bad fit in your professional history. How did that work out? Were you aware of it? Did you actively manage through it?

Consider asking yourself the following “fit” questions, and see what you notice:

Are my role and this organization a great fit for me? If not, what’s needed?

Does my leadership team have great chemistry? If not, what needs to be done about it?

As I reflect on the candidates for an open position, what’s the fit factor (high, medium, or low) for each one?

What, if any, are the chemistry problems between our firm and the company we’re planning on acquiring / selling to?

Who on my team is simply a bad fit, and what needs to be done about it?

Seeking a good fit is an outstanding way to hire, acquire, resolve issues, and promote – and ignoring or glossing over a bad one usually comes around to bite us, sooner or later.

When the stakes are higher, don't ignore your instincts when it comes to fit or chemistry -- you'll be very glad you took it seriously.

David Peck

A leader’s own professional development often takes a back seat to the immediate needs of their organization and team. Yet to end up at the best possible version of yourself, or “future you,” a deliberate, doable commitment to learning and development is needed.

It starts with clarity about where you are heading and why. In a noisy, work-swamped world, a simple “mantra” serves as a GPS to help stay true to the best future you, one that you are either steering toward, or away from, every day.

What’s in a mantra?

For example, imagine a three-word mantra like: “Inspiration, Delegation, and Organization.” Let’s say that reminds a leader to continue: 1) inspiring their team, because it’s a needed change and a fulfilling role for them, 2) delegating more non-value-added work to enable them to maximize revenue and economics (both P&L, and their own earnings), and 3) hiring/structuring their organization to be more self-sufficient so they can take their best next professional step. While this is simply an example to help you know what it looks like, here’s how to develop your own “future you” mantra.

How to develop it?

As they say, “Begin with the end in mind.” To do that, I’d like you to imagine the best of your professional self one-year from now. Let’s say you and I sit down to check in on your progress toward your professional goals a year from today, and you’re feeling absolutely delighted with where you are. For that to be true, let’s say you stand at the intersection of three main roads, each needing a “mantra word.”

1. Doing what has purpose and heart for you: by one year from now you are working on purpose – that is, doing what fires you up so that you are happy and doing your best work most days. You are spending minimal time doing what gets you down, stresses you out, or runs afoul of your values. Whether you are making the world a better place, helping your team be their best, or simply putting food on your table, your day-to-day work life satisfies and fulfills you because it’s in sync with your sense of purpose. What’s needed for this to be true, that’s different than it is today? Develop one “mantra word” that will remind you day by day of that needed change to be more in sync with what has purpose and heart for you.

2. Making your economics work: by one year from today you are earning what you desire, and are able to organize your financial life accordingly – both in terms of business results, and your own earnings. You are feeling good about where you are financially, and not unduly concerned, worried or having doubts about money. What’s needed for this to be true, that’s different than it is today? Develop a second “mantra word” that will lead and remind you of the needed change to be on track toward the economics you want.

3. Developing your capabilities: by one year from now you are in a situation that’s allowing you either to grow new capabilities, or consolidating your understanding of existing capabilities. Regardless, you are neither stagnant nor coasting in terms of growing / developing yourself professionally. What’s needed for this to be true, that’s different than it is today? Develop a final “mantra word” that will lead and remind you of the needed change to develop your capabilities as the professional you most want to be.

Put your three words together – they don’t need to rhyme (as above), as long as the mantra is easily memorable to you. It can be ABC, 123, or something that makes sense to you. And it doesn’t need to be carved in stone – in fact it’s best if it evolves with what’s happening and changing in your world at work, so going through this process annually is a healthy way to keep it fresh and relevant.

How to use it effectively

Aside from building and evolving it annually, your mantra also needs to be used in a great way. Given the day-to-day demands of leadership, how do we do that?

Let’s call where you are today “Point A” and the one-year hence intersection of purpose, economics, and capabilities (with delight) “Point B.”

Day to day, week to week, check in with yourself: are you moving on a straight line from A to B? What needs to change for you to correct your course, and move more directly from A to B? What do you need to start doing, stop doing, or make sure you continue doing, to make a “B-Line” to Point B?

Ask yourself which (if any) barriers stand in the way from A to B, and what you can do to manage / remove them.

Finally, enlist the help you need to remain accountable to your outcomes in these three areas. Do you need a friend or colleague with whom to share your one-year vision, and check in from time to time during the year?

So what?

I know the idea of having a “future you” mantra is a bit unconventional. That said, it’s an innovative and individualized way to make sure you attain the goals most important to you, and to lead in the most effective way. I invite you to give it a try ...

David Peck

Lance Armstrong serves as a larger-than-life reminder that hubris -- whether of a leader, or an enterprise -- is one of the surest and most insidious self-destruct mechanisms in the arsenal.  An overactive ego, an obsession to win at all costs, and/or a lack of appropriate humilty are deadly.  When the hubris cycle ends, we see what showed up in Armstrong's "confession without explanation" Thursday -- the clacking skeleton of glory gone wrong.

Hubris (source: dictionary.com): ˈhjuːbrɪs — n

1. pride or arrogance

2. (in Greek tragedy) an excess of ambition, pride, etc, ultimately causing the transgressor's ruin

Whether arrogance, deceitfulness, inflated ego -- hubris is a "wrong" relationship with power and/or success.It can manifest in many ways, including:

• Being a bully, belligerent or self-important
• Wielding power in an overbearing way, harmful to self or others
• Being entitled
• Not asking others for help
• Not admitting a problem
• Not able to learn from mistakes
• Not taking responsibility
• Sacrificing values and/or ethics for the ultimate "win"

Any one of us can take on these traits/behaviors at times, which leads us back to the question: what practices keep hubris in check, whether in ourselves or others, and avoid its malignant outcome?

If the hubris problem is in someone else, it's important to come to terms with the fact that we can't fix the other person. There's nothing anyone can do to help them until they are ready or willing to face it in themselves and recover. In many cases, their behavior will lead them to a crash (in recovery circles, that's known as "hitting bottom,") and one hopes thereafter they will begin an inquiry into their own responsibility in creating the problem, and address it.

If the problem is your own, and you want to address it, then congratulations. You're on the right road.

Here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

It's important to make humility (i.e., a “right” relationship to power and success) and integrity as your core values, and to find ways of incorporating them into day-to-day living.

One of the ways to do that is take a regular inventory (for example, making some notes) of your beliefs and practices related to your own power, self-importance, responsibility, integrity, and need to succeed, win, or achieve. Here are several framing questions in each of these areas:

• Power: To what extent do you use your positional authority to help others versus get ahead yourself? Do you promptly admit when you are indeed powerless (and not trying to force your will in such situations?)

• Self-importance: To what extent are you (and/or your comfort, security, success) more important than others?

• Responsibility: When you have a success, is it more your own victory, or was it your team? When there is a failure, is it yours, or does it belong to others?

• Integrity: Are you inclined to be brutally honest, and true to your values and principles, or are you inclined to view those as relative to the situation?

• Personal Courage: Do you, on an ongoing basis, identify and face the things about yourself you wish to work on or change, and do your best to address them? Do you, on an ongoing basis, admit when you are wrong, and promptly make necessary amends to yourself and others?

These questions, asked of yourself on a periodic basis, are a good start.

Leaders and public figures have a greater opportunity (and therefore a chance to take responsibility) than others to show us how hubris can be kept in check, and the power and grace that humility brings to themselves, others, and their organizations.

If you’ve realized -- or received feedback -- that you need to develop your "executive presence," you’re certainly not alone. For most people promoted to senior positions, it’s not standard equipment.

I’ve coached many leaders to upgrade their executive presence. My clients know that to operate effectively at the senior level, you need to tailor how you show up with others to be at your most influential and credible, enabling you to be a member of (rather than a visitor among) your senior colleagues. Having an influential voice among those at the big table is what's often referred to as "gravitas."

grav·i·tas (grāv'ĭ-täs') n. (source: dictionary.com)

Substance; weightiness: a frivolous biography that lacks the gravitas of its subject.

A serious or dignified demeanor: "Our national father figure needs gravitas, [but] he's pitched himself as the kid brother" (John Leo).

In the context of leadership, here are six practices to upgrade your own gravitas:

1. Be poised and assured in the value of your own contribution

Gravitas requires remaining calm, even under fire, and finding within yourself the assurance that your value at the table is constant and worthwhile, without having to prove it (e..g, trying to be the smartest person in the room, dominating air time, or needing to be right.) It’s natural, particularly when awed or even intimidated by the intellects or accomplishments of others around you, to devalue or marginalize yourself in subtle but noticeable ways. Don’t give in to such fear, but simply notice it in the moment, and dismiss it without reacting to it. Your value to the discussion remains constant no matter who else is in the room.

2. Use great judgment about using assertions, questions, and silence

Being judicious about what and when to assert, when to inquire, and when to use attentive silence is key to gravitas. When asserting your ideas keep it short, simple, clear, and contextualized by the current discussion. Don’t restate other’s ideas. When in doubt, less is more. When you are silent, be present by active listening and staying off your devices. Listen like it matters. When asking questions, keep them on topic or message, short, and oriented toward “what” and “how” and certainly not “why,” and toward the future or present, rather than the past.

3. Avoid unhelpful verbal habits

Minimize verbal mannerisms such as “um” and “you know?” and “you know what I mean?” and “like,” and any other filler words or phrases (e.g., “…at the end of the day,” and “to be honest,” and “In my opinion,” etc.) that may sound like nervous habits or ticks. Watch the tendency to “up talk”—that is, don’t end declarative sentences or phrases with an upward inflection, like a question. I often use video practice to show a client these habits, which tend to hide in their blind spot.

4. Be confident without being arrogant

Arrogance and gravitas simply don’t coexist. When you’re perceived as arrogant, you’re trying too hard. Others read it as overbearing and insecure. People who deserve their seat at the table don’t have to buy it at every meeting. You have nothing to prove. You certainly don’t have to “win” with any particular idea, point, or deep thought. You don’t want to throw your colleagues under the bus, even when you think they deserve it. Treat those you don’t respect with respect. Remember, others with gravitas are doing that already.

5. Watch your body language

80 percent or more of your communication is non-verbal -- while that's a common statistic, it's often underplayed or disregarded.  How you show up physically -- arms crossed or not, sitting back or forward, how stressed you seem, how fast you walk in and out of the room -- these all shape or limit your impact among your senior colleagues.  Noticing your own body language is critical to establishing a strong executive presence.

6. Observe yourself and the situation as you participate

For all of the above to work, you need to monitor yourself and others as you participate. What’s my role here? What’s unspoken here? Where should we head with this, and how is my participation helping, neutral or hindering that direction? What’s needed here? These are all self-monitoring questions that can help you adjust your impact for the better in real time.

When done right, gravitas is not a mask—it’s effectively adding your unique value to important discussions while minding and maintaining important relationships.

When gravitas is lacking, people know it, and when it’s present, they take notice: “She can really hold a room.” “His ideas are always welcomed by the board, even when there’s debate or disagreement.” “When she speaks, people sit up and take notice.”

Get your gravitas on, and your leadership is upgraded. Your contributions at the senior most levels will have the impact and be given the consideration they are due.

The start of a new year can be a great time to think about your career.

One of the most helpful things I've learned over 27 years of working, from (literally) the mail room of a now-defunct bank in Waltham, Ma, to management consultant, senior exec, and now executive coach: I do my best work and am happiest on the job when I design or choose exactly the job I want to do, and carefully pick my boss.

Worst work I ever did -- and I'm not proud of this -- when "sold" on, "getting promoted" into, "rewarded" with, or "chosen" for a job I wasn't seeking, and/or overlooking the pitfalls of a boss I didn't admire or respect, or situation I thought I could "rescue." Awful.

Designing your job and choosing your boss address two of the three top reasons, according to studies, good people leave organizations. More about that in the "how to" steps below. (The third reason people leave is "failure to be coached," and I don't feel like I can write about that without sounding just a tad self-serving.) 

Designing your job and choosing your boss may, to some readers, seem well and good, but not easy during  these turbulent times. Yes, it's not always easy. YET, tough economic conditions and restructuring make every day even MORE important to do what you love for someone you respect. Also, in some ways, turbulence makes change more "permitted" by the work culture--when things are in flux, there's a window of opportunity for savvy leaders / execs / people ready to transition to carve out a different situation than when things are status quo.

FIRST, though, decide: do you REALLY want to work for someone else? You may want to design your job and choose yourself as your boss, in which case, the remainder of this article isn't meant for you.

How to design your job:

One of the top three reasons great people leave an organization is because, "my job isn't what I thought it'd be." When someone else has written the job description, and/or the scope of the actual role and responsibilities are different than what's stated, this becomes a problem. When you design your own, this guesswork is gone.

1. Do some reflection and research. Imagine what's right in the middle of a five-way intersection of a) what you love to do, b) what you do best, c) your economic needs, d) an organization you admire / respect, and e) what it REALLY needs. Think about the best work you've EVER done--what was true in that situation? What made the goodness of that situation tick?

2. Once you've found those elements, write a job description that describes a role that could, if done well, deliver high value in terms of people, dollars, technology, innovation, and a greater, lasting good.

3. Make a headline about it, along with a three-sentence description, all of which answer the questions: why should this get the attention of a potential boss among over 100 other things clamoring for their attention today? What's exciting / making my heart race about it? What's it going to deliver to the organization?

4. Run it by friends/family/trusted adviser(s), and shut up and listen to what they say (don't defend it). Beat it up until it sings and dances.

5. Find the top three organizations (either within your company, or in another one) this job is MOST likely to do the MOST good for all involved, and which you admire and respect. Search and research everything about them. Talk to people who know them.

How to choose your boss:

Once you've designed your job and found the organizations, it's time to choose the boss. Another of the top three reasons good people leave an organization is because of the boss. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BOSS IS CRITICAL--it affects every area of your life, and CLEARLY not just your life at work. If you haven't given this as much consideration as choosing, say, someone to date, then you've shortchanged yourself very seriously.

6. Find someone you admire and respect in the "target organization" from step five, above. Don't idealize them--make sure you consider their downside as well--warts and all.

7. Contact them by voice (either live or via voicemail) and let them know you'd like to make a proposal about (your headline from Step 3, above). Someone you'd want to work for would be open to this, even if it takes quite a while to set up on his or her calendar.

8. Meet with them, and make sure you do as much listening as talking. Does it feel easy to talk to them? Are you like "old friends?" Are you like-minded? If those things are true, then there may be a spark of great chemistry between you. If not, MOVE ON. If so, make sure to discuss the potential role you have in mind.

9. And if that high-chemistry boss doesn't live at this organization, be prepared to look at the other organizations you identified.

Don't expect all of the above to happen instantly. It may, but more likely will take plenty of time. Well worth the wait to set your standards high enough to give yourself a shot at doing your best, being your best, and working for a boss and organization you feel great about.

What are you waiting for?!

You might enjoy this.  Find some quiet time to reflect and make a few notes to answer the following three questions:

1. If this time next year you look back on 2013 and it's a fantastic year, how will things be different than they are today?

2. What lessons -- either things you’re proud of or things you’d like to change -- from 2012 would you definitely like to apply to 2013?

3. Make your most important or thematic overall intention for 2013 into a headline -- what will that be?

Once you have your notes, make it a practice to reread them once a month throughout the year, and reset your direction accordingly. And have some fun with it. 

Happy New Year -- I wish you and yours a prosperous and healthy 2013.

For anyone managing people, being overly hands-on or overly hands-off are equally problematic. Call it our default or comfort zone, most people do exactly that -- habitually using one more often than the other.

Those who overuse a hands-on or directive approach stifle creativity, autonomy, and people’s ability to do their best work. Those who overuse a hands-off or empowering style create chaos or confusion, fuzziness about roles / responsibilities, and cause some problems to linger for longer than needed.

It’s therefore important to be able to dial up one or the other when appropriate, rather than as a matter of tendency or habit. Doing so is a strong tool for all – whether you have one person or ten reporting directly to you. It simply boils down to developing your own rules of thumb.

How to Build Your Standards

Your standards for when to take a more directive or empowering approach should depend mainly on the conditions in your enterprise. For example, a manager with a highly capable and motivated team is better off having a high bar for getting involved with the details than someone with a weaker team.

Here are the key ingredients to developing your own standards for when to be hands-on versus hands-off:

1. Level of motivation / capability of team and/or its members: higher means default to hands-off and a higher bar for hands-on leadership.

2. Level of complexity within organization: more complex reporting relationships and authority means default to more hands-on in terms of coordinating, and a lower bar for directive behavior when there are gaps / overlaps.

3. Organizational pattern of delivering results: consistently better results means defaulting to an empowering approach, or hands-off and a high bar for directive behavior.

4. For your newer people, those newer to their role: newer means a slight tilt toward a hands-on or directive style, until their footing is firm.

5. For your problem people -- those who chronically under-perform: more problematic means an increasing tilt toward a directive approach, but it’s important not to let the problem person linger in their role.

6. For your problem areas or projects: more problematic means an increasing tilt toward a directive approach, but it’s important to make other changes (people, resources, time lines) without delay.

7. In a crisis: depending on your team’s capability and motivation, a crisis may be the best time to be hands-off in terms of taking action, but hands-on with monitoring events, asking good questions, so you can see better which behaviors will maximize your people and have the highest likelihood of dealing with the situation effectively.

Bottom Line

Having well thought-out standards will help ensure you are consistent about how you manage people and details –consistency is important for leaders.

Short of that, if your people were candid, you might hear something like this: “I don’t know why Jack’s so involved in this relatively small matter -- and he’s got my people running around in different directions. And then I wonder why he’s NOT putting his foot down on some larger issues that are not getting resolved.

Developing consistent and deliberate guidelines for when to be hands-on versus hands-off is a powerful and important tool for leaders at all levels.

In my work with executives it’s not uncommon to hear things like, “If I don’t tell people what to do the ball will stop rolling around here,” or, “I’m the glue that holds this place together,” or, “I have the weight of the world on my shoulders."

Addressing it with a client, I start with three observations: 1) you’re not alone, 2) you’ve probably already realized there’s a better way to lead, and 3) if it’s truly troubling to you, it’s time you fire yourself from the job of thinking for your people.

Let’s consider the practical steps for you, or for someone you know, who may be carrying this type of undue burden.

The Directive Habit

Telling people what to do -- being “directive” -- is ineffective and unsustainable over the long haul. A more empowering approach, like giving your team the latitude to do things their own way and the authority to make decisions for themselves, is more effective. It’s good for you too, as it frees you up to make a more significant contribution, feel more fulfilled, and ensure your organization is firing on all cylinders.

If you know their job well, have done it yourself, or you have been in your role a long time, you may well be right in assuming you know what needs to be done, and how best to do it.

Also, in the interest of time and expedience, it can be efficient just to tell / direct your team, keep them on a short leash, and make the big calls yourself.

Knowing what’s best doesn’t mean directing others to do your bidding is the best way to foster a strong, self-sustaining organization. It’s not.

The Impact

First, a highly directive approach is an undue burden -- an exhausting one -- for you, and for those on your team.

When you lead as a puppet master, you end up with puppets -- dependent on you for guidance and direction at every turn -- and an organization capable primarily of making sure you get what you want, rather than one that does the right thing independent of your close supervision.

Tell a strong performer what you want done and how to do it, watch them closely, and have them come back to you to make the key decisions, and you de-motivate them, sub optimize their contributions, and diminish their ability to do their finest work.

Kicking the Directive Habit in 8 Steps

When you’re ready, you can make a change. Shifting your approach to enable / empower your best people -- to think through problems and opportunities, prioritize them, and decide and act on their own -- expands your reach as a leader, and therefore extends your organization’s capacity and capability to deliver and win.

I’ve developed the following steps to address directive habits, and make progress on changing them. I post them here, so you can try it yourself, or pass it along to someone you know.

1. Assess the percentage of your time spent heavily involved in the activities of your people. Take into account your “to do” lists, meeting notes, and calendar (review your meetings and discussions from the last six weeks, and the next four weeks, for example), emails, project lists, etc. What’s your percentage?

2. Set a new target percentage for the level of your own involvement in your team’s work – and a timeline to get there.

3. Make your own assessment of what you need to delegate, or delegate more fully, including both tasks and actual authority to prioritize, decide, and act.

4. In a future one-to-one meeting with each of your direct reports, invite them to be very candid with you then ask some form of these questions: “Given my own involvement with what’s on your plate, are there things you could do more on your own?” and “Where have I given you responsibility to do something, but not the authority to get it done?”

5. Make liberal yet honest assessment, by person, if they COULD do a good job on those items, even if it’s a stretch.

6. Given the above, revise and finalize your list, by each person reporting to you, of items to “turn over” to them.

7. When you’re willing to delegate some or all of the items on your list (note, I didn’t say “ready,” as you may never feel “ready,”) go ahead and try it. Ask that they keep you informed on progress, and to let you know if they need your help along the way. Decide on a reasonable time frame (and note it) on each item for you to check back with them.

8. In addition to gently monitoring the above items, check with your people in 30 days, and periodically thereafter, on how delegation is flowing from you to them. Make sure there’s two-way feedback, which will help you both work out any snags in the process. Adjust accordingly.

A Few Tips

Depending on whether you have been moderately or heavily directive, some of your people will likely be hesitant at first to take responsibility for more and/or authority to decide and act on their own because they are very accustomed to being told what to do. You may hear things like, “I didn’t think you were that controlling before,” or “What should I do?” Don’t be afraid to put it back on them and let them figure it out for themselves, even despite the temptation to be pulled back into the behavior you’re attempting to change.

Also, there will be times – particularly when you are under stress -- when you fall back to your more directive or controlling habits. No worries – just notice it and help yourself out of the pattern. It took many years to establish these habits, and it neither can nor will change in an instant.

One Final Note

Letting go of the directive habit isn’t easy, and it won’t feel comfortable for you or your team right away. Just keep your progress steady, and keep checking in with yourself and your team along the way. You won’t regret it, and your bottom line will appreciate it too.

I've made this mistake myself as a senior executive. Maybe you have too, or know someone who is making it right now: hanging on to a chronically low-performing person way beyond his or her expiration date.

Why do we hold on to someone we know we shouldn’t keep in place? In my experience as an executive and an executive coach, there are six reasons, and it’s usually a combination of several:

1. Out of a sense of kindness or loyalty. Maybe you like them, they like you, or both, and maybe their tenure in the organization has been long and successful – until the last few years. You might stick with them, even when it’s a bad situation for others, the person, and/or yourself.

2. Out of a desire to be a “nice person” or please people, and not to be the “bad guy.” Perhaps you worry about their family, livelihood, or future were you to make a change.

3. Avoidance of having a prolonged “hole” in your organization – that is, even though they aren’t doing very well, they’re better than you having to do your job PLUS their job until you can replace them.

4. Fear or avoidance of confrontation. These conversations are difficult, and you simple don’t want to have it. This again can be tough when you really like the person.

5. Being overly optimistic about people’s ability to change, even when facing a situation where you’ve done your best. You say to yourself, "Maybe if I give it more time," or "Maybe I'm not helping them enough," etc.

6. Misplaced belief that they are irreplaceable -- the “glue” holding their division or organization together, and that if you get rid of them, their group will fall apart.

What to do about it

When someone on your team is performing marginally, it’s hurting themselves, their colleagues, and you. So it’s up to you first to support any potential positive change for them by offering the resources in your power to help them improve.

Once that’s been done, and if the issue persists, then no one is doing anyone a favor by keeping them in place. I’m not recommending you fire someone with a long and successful career who’s had a few bad months or quarters. Yet if you’ve done everything you can to help, and the problem persists, it’s time you help them find a better professional situation.

I will never forget when Carol, an executive who was my boss 22 years ago, changed my life for the better. She proactively made calls for me, made recommendations, and helped me take the next step in my career – ultimately one much better suited to my strengths.

So if you’ve done everything you can and are still holding on to a chronically marginal person, it’s time to look at which of those six reasons, or combination thereof, is behind that pattern, accept it, and make a change.

When you do, take a lesson from Carol: if you can avoid it, don’t dump them, or send them off to an outplacement firm – put your own time in to help them land in a good situation, as you would someone you care about.

Recognizing your pattern of holding on too long, and helping all involved by making a positive --if difficult -- change is not only good for you and your organization, but it’s the right thing to do.

Successful, experienced professionals do not work together superbly simply by virtue of dealing with common challenges or spending large chunks of time in the same room. Boards of directors and executive teams are no exception. Efficient ongoing investment is required to improve teamwork.

One simple “secret” of high functioning teams is to spend a few hours once a year or so developing and/or updating a set of Ground Rules.

Ground Rules are working agreements – they set forth “How we work together.” For example, “No fish on  the table” is a ground rule that for one exec team I coach means “No complaining or whining without a solution.” Another client that had trouble with candor now has an “All fish on the table” ground rule, which for them means “we need to make sure we put the truth out there, even if it’s ugly or smelly.” Both have benefited greatly using these guidelines.

Boards of directors and executive teams that develop such working agreements appreciate having clear rules of the road. Heavy traffic of tasks, issues, and decisions flows better when the guardrails are delineated. The group’s level of functionality – or dysfunction – is not only helpful to observe and address, but it’s also quite important to others in the organization, as they try and get the group to make smart and timely decisions. Finally, as members of the team change over time, having ground rules helps new members integrate more quickly and effectively.

I’ve found that an offsite meeting is a great place to establish ground rules. Recently I worked with a team that had great trust issues due to changes among the team’s roster, and I was incredibly gratified to notice that once they saw how effectively they could work together with ground rules, I knew it would become ingrained in their daily behavior. Developing them is as simple as doing some form of assessment to look for strengths and weaknesses in how they work together – then a discussion of those findings, and a facilitated conversation about ground rules that can best leverages their strengths, and addresses their development areas – as a group.

It’s also important to hold each other accountable to the ground rules once they’re established. In fact, recently I used this mechanism as its own ground rule among a board: “We will all keep hard copies of these agreements at each board meeting. We will assign each quarter a board member to monitor them and to keep us on track, calling out in real time when we are off track, if no one else calls it out, until it’s habit for all of us.”

Finally, keep them current by revising them from time to time. Healthy working groups are ever dynamic and evolving, and your ground rules should reflect that. So as the team’s capabilities grow and evolve, good ground rules mature right along with it.

It’s as important for boards and teams to spend time addressing HOW they work together as is the actual work they do. Barring such deliberate effort, decisions will be less considered, time will be wasted needlessly, and people will be frustrated. Good ground rules don’t need to be a secret, but something any group of people who need to work well together can establish.

It’s all too common for an executive to be the spokesperson for their people in high-visibility / high stakes situations.  Yet it’s often good leadership to do the exact opposite.

By focusing the visibility spotlight on your people, you enhance their contributions and learning, and upgrade your own ability to participate, gaining useful perspective on their solutions, ideas, and results.

In many organizational cultures, and among too many executives, there’s an unrealistically inflated assessment of the stakes involved in high-visibility meetings, and a pattern of not yielding the spotlight to those who did the work. So the team works hard yet often aren’t the ones presenting the products of their efforts. They find it de-motivating and marginalizing to stand in the shadow of their exec.

This problem is evident in the coaching work I do with senior executives in many different industries and companies. While interviewing my new clients’ colleagues and team members, I’ll hear about his or her “annoying” tendency to hog the spotlight. They’ll say at key top executive meetings and presentations my client will typically be the one presenting, rather than those on their team. When there’s a question, they might even answer it, rather than channel it to the correct member of their team, assuming they’ve even been invited to attend.

I’ll hear from direct reports, “If only Jane would let us present our work, it would be much more motivating…" And from colleagues, “We’d like to see Jack spotlight his people, and let them do some of their own talking at our leadership meetings…”

I find this pattern rooted in a leader’s habit, or a desire (or their perception of their organization’s cultural need) to prove their own value. It can also be about their need to be controlling, or an inflated ego. With some simple steps, support, and plenty of practice, the behavior can be changed in many cases. And once the executive starts gaining experience spotlighting their people, they want more of it.

If you have a tendency to speak on behalf of your team, I challenge you to create more opportunities for them to speak for themselves. Invite them to senior meetings you attend, and be watchful and supportive. Provide kind, necessary, honest, and private feedback after the event, and allow a certain latitude for them to do well, or, if needed, fail small, learn from it, and move on.

Sharing and even yielding the spotlight to your people, you’ll find yourself open to being more of a participant with your colleagues, and begin to be complimented not only on what your team can do, but on how you’re leading them.

This is a simple, one-question survey about your experience. Once you complete it, you can see the results. -David Peck

Many executives, particularly in larger organizations, spend 80 percent or more of their time in meetings.

All of that valuable time is highly effective only when used substantively. That means to brainstorm, pitch, discuss, debate, problem solve and/or decide something important to the majority of participants, relying on the capabilities and experience in the room.

Yet much more often we accept and walk into meetings assuming we are expected to update or share something, or to sit and be updated. Hundreds of meetings per year, all with self-limited dumbed-down outcome potential: simple information exchange.

Through our actions and inaction, every minute we are holding or attending meetings-as-updates can be subtracted from higher yield outcomes, like getting things done. Multiply that by the hourly rates of the people in the room, and you realize we are not only dealing with limited outcomes, we are actively investing in them.

Here’s What You Can Do

Notice the pattern or habit in your group / organization / company about “updates”—is that the typical reason for a meeting, or what’s done IN meetings? Is it frequent or rare?

Next, look through your calendar for the next four weeks and circle any meetings that are likely to be primarily about giving (or receiving) updates.

Take one example, and eliminate the meeting in a polite and descriptive way, and instead, request or share update-related information virtually first, and getting any questions answered in a similar way (via informal conversations, email, document or intranet sharing, IM, text, etc.)

It may take a while, but eventually you will replace the “update” meetings, or content in meetings, with more effective patterns of doing substantive things with group time, thereby honoring yourself and your colleagues.

Let me know how it goes.

David Peck
The Recovering Leader

Whether you’re considering an internal move, or enticed by a position elsewhere, once you know you’ve got the right skills and experience, remember that even as you’re “selling” yourself, you’re also buying. As a buyer, here are four things to consider that can make or break your ability to do your best work, and be fulfilled:

1. Buying the Values

Forget the framed dust collectors hanging in the hall that list a company’s “Values.” Instead, look at how the organization actually conducts itself with others. Assess how it does its business / functions in terms of goods and services, their impact on the world, and how it treats (and what it expects from) its customers, employees, communities, and other entities. Given this, how well does it align to your own values? If they don’t mesh, your honeymoon will be short. Too much compromise on this one tends not to be sustainable.

2. Buying the People

Number one reason good executives leave good positions is the relationship with their direct leader / boss. Is he or she someone with whom you have (or are highly likely to have) a tremendous amount of respect and professional “chemistry”? If so, you can do great work together, and if not, survey says it won’t last.

And, beyond your direct leader, it’s the people on your team, your colleagues, clients, and others with whom you’d be interacting day in / day out. Do they have the right qualities, ones you’d find fulfilling to spend a third of your life with in the years ahead?

3. Buying the actual Work

The number two reason good people leave good organizations is “the job isn’t what I thought it would be.” The nature of the work you’d be doing, again, is a key factor in success and fulfillment. How confident are you the job itself is what it says it is? What’s NOT being said about it, that may nevertheless be detectable by your instincts, and or the non-verbals of those you’ve met? Is there a clear job description that does a good “job” of defining success / measuring outcomes? Probe, probe, probe on the nature of the job.

4. Buying the Compensation

This is in last place for a reason. Interestingly, and increasingly, the values, people, and work are way ahead of the money in terms of what attracts and holds people to jobs these days. That’s not a note to employers to be cheap, as people still like to be well-compensated, particularly the people you want to hire. That said, the Great Recession helped us understand there’s little more permanence or security. On the plus side, this means executives (and others) are making choices to be fulfilled and do their best work right here / right now. Assuming the compensation is in the right ballpark for you, get the values, people, and work factors right, and the money should NOT make that much of a difference.

* * *

In wrapping up, one added note about how an organization’s stated values can help YOU be a great buyer. The values it feels the need to actually state in public are the things it needs to do the most work on. Why? Because if those values were already ingrained in the company, they'd be so automatic, that people wouldn’t even think of the need to state them. So if you DO see the values list, note them as areas for concern.

Finally, I wish you well in considering the options ahead of you. Choosing a situation that sets you up to do your best work, and be fulfilled, most days, is critically important not just for you, but for our common good.

David Peck
Principal and Senior Executive Coach
Goodstone Group, LLC

Fear, force, greed, and need are all tried and true ways to lead.  Yet none positive or sustainable.

When it comes to greatness, and lasting for the long haul, look no further than 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA. Its membership has grown into the tens of millions, fully global (since well before Walmart or even Sears Roebuck, for that matter,) stable and scandal free for more than seven decades. How do they do it?

Its longevity is due in part to the critically important, but less well-known “12 Traditions.” Developed in tandem with the 12 steps we’ve heard about, and hammered out on the anvil of learning among the participating alcoholics, these formal traditions ensure the cohesion and smooth operation of the organization as a whole.

AA Tradition One: “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.”

Just imagine for a moment: what if the world operated that way?  If the majority of leaders in business, politics, and other organizations actually functioned for the common welfare—to ensure we are all fine. Got that in mind?

Now you understand the core of sustainable leadership.

In my mind, it boils down to one key question: are your actions making things better for others, or not?

Let’s break it down: 

“Are your actions…”

As a supervisor, manager, leader, friend, mate, or companion you decide to act, or not. Actions include what you choose to do, tell or ask, and what you choose NOT to do, like pausing, contemplating, ignoring, or denying. Consciously or not, these are the actions you take. What actions are you taking today?

“…making things better…”

Whether increasing the common good, doing something for a greater good, addressing an immediate need, or simply helping out—your actions and inactions have the power to improve. Are you using that power today?

“…for others,…”

In terms of whom your actions are impacting in some good way, it’s all good—the one, the few, and/or the many. To know that you helped someone, or many someones, today—OTHER THAN YOURSELF—is a great way to turn out the light, blow out the candle, and go to sleep. Who have you helped today, other than yourself?

“…or not?”

If you and/or your organization are not impacting the world by, as AA puts it, putting our common welfare first, then you are not alone. But the challenge for you is what would it be like if you did? Would you appreciate your work and life more?

Much collective experience says that when we consistently act for the common welfare in a unified way, it's is far better, and more sustainable, than the alternative. We all have a long way to go on this, and that bodes well—we shouldn’t be bored!

David Peck
The Recovering Leader

The subjectivity of change bias and the three ingredients for sustainable change.

In my line of work, I’m often asked whether people can TRULY change. The short answer is: yes. The longer answer is: yes and it takes three ingredients.

Before we look at these key ingredients, it’s important you watch out for your own bias. Essentially, sad but true, when it comes down to it, your assessment of whether someone CAN change is frequently driven by their likability. Simply put, a well-liked leader’s ability to change will be met with greater support and optimism than the quintessential “jerk.”  This bias can predetermine the outcome of a leader development effort, and not for the best.

So I offer this suggestion: whether you’re a skeptic or a cheerleader of someone’s ability to change, you might want to keep an open mind and consider instead more compelling and reliable ingredients for sustainable leader development, below. Over the years, I’ve seen the great, the mediocre, and the ugly in terms of people making professional (and personal) change. The best of what I’ve seen has three ingredients in common: capability, fire, and timing.

1. Capability

Some self-awareness and smarts is necessary for a person to change in a sustainable way. While past behavior and reactions to feedback can be informative, you won't TRULY know whether they are capable of change until they are given support and a fair chance to try, and all three ingredients are present.  Remember that likability can come into play here, so it’s important to take that bias out, and care about your person enough to invest in them.

2. Fire

Whether "willingness," or all-out "motivation," we need to have SOME kind of fire in the belly in order to make a sustainable change, and the bigger the goal, the more fire is necessary. Ignition usually comes from an event, conversation, and/or self-realization more powerful than the patterns/habits that need changing. It can be a hugely clarifying or candid talk with a leader, coach, colleague, or mentor, embarrassing blind spot feedback, or the realization of how our actions are getting in our own way, or affecting others. That can literally ignite the flames of change, which, along with capability and timing, can set us on a new and sustainable course.

3. Timing

Maybe someone is arrogant or has delegation problems or isn’t hitting their numbers. In addition, perhaps they are under some significant personal stress. You want to help them change their approach but with all that stress, it's just NOT the right moment for THEM. In fact, we can hear (or experience) something multiple times and not respond to it, or be inspired by it. Yet the second, tenth or 20th time, it clicks, and we awaken to a “new” approach, professional change, developmental change, etc.

Our ears / our brain has to be “ripe” for it to be able to click. The more fire we have (above) the better, but there are definitely situations where we hear the RIGHT thing at the WRONG time, and it’s simply not actionable. Again, experience and honesty with others and ourselves is the best medicine. In addition, timing must be right for surrounding circumstances to shift to avoid reinforcing habits / patterns that need to change. Unwanted behavior has a way of developing support mechanisms to reinforce itself, and those must also be addressed.

These are not the ONLY ingredients necessary for sustainable change, but they are the most important ones. Without them, we have a great knack for keeping our behavior repetitively static in the face of a dynamic world.

A key needs to fit into our locked habits and patterns. It's made not of metal, but of capability, fire, and timing. The tumblers click, and then -- watch out. Your person can become something no one, including them, thought they could. This is as true of yourself as it is for your people. Check your instincts, and you’ll see what I’m saying is right on.

David Peck
The Recovering Leader

“Why do I need to worry about my people’s feelings? Why don’t they automatically just FEEL like doing their best? They’re lucky they have a job! Am I there to coddle them?”

These are bottom line beliefs and questions among my executive clients who tend to be more task / directive / deadline-driven.  Some are thinking these things mainly when there are morale or performance issues, while others face them when confronted with feedback, or after reading the latest book on brilliant leadership.

Talking to the people on their team, I tend to hear:

“She would get a lot more out of us if she would just stop telling us what to do and how to do it, and instead, ASK what we would suggest, or how we would approach it, then let us do it that way—even if it’s not perfect, we’d learn.”

“He’s all about command and control. Get on his good side by delivering results and keeping your mouth shut.”

“She has no idea how many people here—including her best—are looking for other jobs. They’ll be out of here the minute they can get something better.”

“He doesn’t care about us. All he cares about is making sure the investors get their returns, and the board is happy with his numbers.”

“Would it kill her to acknowledge a job well done from time to time? She says doing a good job IS my job, and I’m well paid for it. Thanks!”

So what?

Yes, directive, task-focused leader: you are responsible for their feelings, but probably not in the way you think.

My view—and plenty of research backs me on this—is that it’s not the leader’s job to motivate your people. In fact, it’s incumbent on you to hire self-motivated people, and to weed out the apathetic ones.

Once that’s done, and you have the right team, it IS your job to avoid DE-MOTIVATING them, which you do by holding them too tightly in your fist, and/or micromanaging them, or by failing to acknowledge them.

The need for acknowledgement, after all, is a fundamental human drive. Failure to recognize this isn’t just tone-deaf leadership, it erodes and finally destroys engagement among otherwise motivated people.

If you have self-motivated, capable, experienced people running your organization, the best thing you can do is back off, support them, and get out of their way. It also means noticing HOW THEY ARE FEELING as a potential proxy for your own level of overwrought directive behavior.

Practice: regularly ask each of your key, capable, self-motivated people HOW THEY ARE FEELING, and just listen. You may hear crickets at first, but stick with it. Over time, if they think you care, which you need to do, then you’ll know what you need to change to get out of their way, and in doing so, allow them to do their best work ever.

David Peck
Principal and Senior Executive Coach
Goodstone Group, LLC