I can’t muster the strength to really bag on The Men Who Stare at Goats. Partly because I remain firmly under the spell of my Heterosexual Man Crush on The Last(?) Movie Star, George Clooney (not to mention that of my former Hetero Man Crush, Ewan McGregor); partly because I love whenever Long-hair Jeff Bridges shows up in a movie (more on that later); but mostly because this offbeat, breezy, non-committal lark of a film never really asks much of the viewer. Doesn’t give much back, either, but there you go…

The Men Who Stare at Goats is based partly on true stories of how the U.S. Army has been dabbling in New Age psychic warfare for decades, as reported by Jon Ronson in his 2004 non-fiction book. Things like remote viewing, phasing through solid objects, and yes, killing the enemy—or poor stand-in goats—by staring at them.

However, where Ronson’s book is more a collection of oddball tales painting an overview of Army Psy Ops efforts since the '50s, the film version, written by Peter Straughan and directed by first-time Clooney writing-producing partner Grant Heslov, tries to herd things into something resembling a plot. “Tries” being the operative word here: The film is jam-packed with humorous gags and easy, likable performances, but it never really finds an overriding point or purpose. Heslov and Straughan have cobbled together a narrative, but they never quite get hold of a thematic or cinematic purpose. There's no "why" here.

What they do have is McGregor’s down-and-out journalist character Bob Wilton stumbling first into the story of the military’s ‘80s-era attempt at building a “New Earth Army” comprised of psychic warrior monks: “Jedi warriors,” as goes the wink-wink joke at Ewan’s expense. Off to Kuwait at the start of the 2003 Iraq War, Wilton then runs smack dab into one of the warrior monks, Clooney’s Lyn Cassady.

Clooney is forever afraid of believing his own Sexiest Movie Star Alive press, so he often flocks to characters like Cassady, where he can let his inner dork roam free. (A la the Coens’ O Brother Where Art Thou, Intolerable Cruelty, and Burn After Reading.) Cassady is classic goofball Clooney: A puffed-up, mustachioed, self-serious goon who believes his own B.S. delusions.

(I continue to admire Clooney for making films like this that fly directly in the face of how a Big Oscar-winning Star should conduct his career. Unlike other talented, award-winning actors who take on ridiculous roles --*cough* CageSwankGoodingJr *cough*--at least with Clooney you feel his heart is in it.)

The Men Who Stare at Goats hops back and forth between the 2003 framing device, as Cassady and Wilton roam the Iraqi desert, and hair-challenged ‘80s-era flashbacks. It's in those training vignettes that we meet the drug-addled mastermind of the New Earth Army: Bill Django, a Vietnam Vet who went hippie native in the peyote-soaked hot tubs of Northern California.

As played by our national acting treasure, Jeff Bridges, Django is easily shorthanded as The Big Lebowski’s Dude by way of Stripes. But both the pony-tailed Django and the Dude are just part of a larger film analysis theory: the longer Jeff Bridges’s hair, the looser and more enjoyable the performance, even if the films themselves don’t hold up. (Someday I’ll break down the Jeff Bridges Hair Acting Theory in much greater detail.)

Rounding out the cast is Kevin Spacey, sinking his toupee into playing the New Earth Army—and the film’s—ostensible heavy, the Anakin of the Jedi corps who corrupts the grand dream for personal power, ego, and profit.

All this is aiming for something meaningfully quirky along the lines of Catch-22, Dr. Strangelove, MASH, or even Three Kings. I can also see where Clooney—who no doubt, as the film’s producer and as Henlov’s mentor, had more than a little say in the film’s look and feel—might have been trying to echo his own directorial debut, 2003’s Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. As in that adaptation of Chuck Barris’s far-fetched “autobiography” (where the creator of The Dating Game, The Newlywed Game, and The Gong Show claimed to have been a CIA hitman), The Men Who Stare at Goats hopes to mine the world of military intelligence and shadowy conspiracy theories for satirical farce. But Heslov’s film never bites down hard enough to work as satire and while “steadily amusing” is nice, it just isn’t enough to qualify as quality farce. Rather than joining that distinguished list of better military satires, too much of The Men Who Stare at Goats never catches up to its own clever, amusing premise. Instead it ends up lost in the desert like Ishtar.

 Despite all the forced kookiness, the film remains lethargic and flat—it never generates enough of a spark to ignite even a wet squib of an ending. There’s talk of themes such as belief and the suggestion that all this military madness might function as a self-help course for Wilton’s own flailing career and life, but such lessons feel loosely tacked on and quickly blow away. But if there’s one up side to The Men Who Stare at Goats’ slight, inoffensive mediocrity, it’s that the film won’t remain long enough in anyone’s memory to be considered a blight on the resumes of those involved.

I’m an odd person to be defending the most recent screen adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I’m one of Robert Zemeckis’s longest-lingering detractors. I don’t think Zemeckis lost his storytelling soul when he turned to performance capture animation in Polar Express and Beowulf—I think he gave over to the seduction of technological trickery 25 years ago with Back to the Future II. That’s right. While I don’t hate the Back to the Future films, I don’t love them much, either. Nor am I charmed by Who Framed Roger Rabbit (or the news of a sequel). And I loathe Forrest Gump. All because I feel, as James pointed out in his review, that Zemeckis cares more about technical trickery than the human condition or solid storytelling.

But I have to admit, I liked some of the dazzling visual aspects of Beowulf. I know Zemeckis has continued to lose more of whatever artistic vision he once had (in Used Cars!) the deeper he dives into performance-capture film making, but I applaud this about his obsession: He’s using it to bring true literary classics to a new generation.

That’s why I like his new version of A Christmas Carol. Yes, the constant visual showing off, the flying and diving, the "oooh look we recreated all of Victorian London" gimcrackery is obvious and a bit irritating. But on the other hand, wow, they really did recreate all of Victorian London. The literary buff, Anglophile, and history buff in me can’t help but be impressed, even dazzled by that.

And more impressive is how faithful an adaptation this is. Disney was in a pickle trying to promote it—after all, you say “Jim Carrey” and “Scrooge” and immediately people leap to the obvious conclusion: That this will be The Grinch Part Deux, with Carrey doing his rubber-faced mugging and riffing, throwing out the wacky voices and silly pop-culture shtick. But it’s not. This is Dickens done (for the most part) straight. The dialogue, the vocabulary, the mannerisms, the story details are all reverent and authentic. In the film’s first two-thirds there is little pandering to modern or pre-teen audiences. No one slows down to explain what Scrooge or the ghosts are saying or meaning when they converse in Dickens’ Victorian language.

For those of you saying it’s all too dark and depressing, too scary, well read your classics. Dickens’ tale is just as much a ghost story as it is a Christmas yarn. Sure the film opens on a corpse, but it’s Dickens for Chuck’s sake. Throughout the novella, he’s making a very heavy point about the suffering of humankind and men like Marley and Scrooge’s obliviousness to it. The majority of A Christmas Carol has to be grim and gloomy in order to sell the joyful redemption at the end.

And much of what seems over-the-top grotesque in Zemeckis’s film is from the original text: Marley’s jaw falling off, the Ghost of Christmas Present revealing the horrifying children (Ignorance and Want) under his robe? All right there in Dickens. Nor was Dickens about gently coaxing his characters into holistic change—he knew that to truly get people to change their selfish, misanthropic ways you have to hit them hard over the head with scary visions of their own miserable, lonely, burning death.

Yes, for sure, in that last act, with the Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come, Zemeckis feels he has to do something to keep the young nippers in the audience from getting fidgety, or worse, falling asleep, so here comes the funeral coach horse chase and the Incredible Shrinking Scrooge. And yes, even though it’s carefully calculated and placed in the film to hold kid’s attention (after all, they’ve been so patient during the first hour of Dickensonian banter), it all gets to be a bit too much.

The sad thing is that all this tom-foolery in the final stretch only serves to weaken the film’s emotional finale. As James noted in his review, you can’t really screw up A Christmas Carol—even Bill Murray at his laziest ‘80s lounge-lizard worst squeezes tears from me in Scrooged (and yes, I do adore Scrooged)—but Zemeckis almost misses the landing. As many of us have noted, Zemeckis doesn’t care much about his characters or their richer emotions, but as long as he stuck to Dickens, the original story carried his Scrooge along nicely. When the new film abandons the classic book to go skylarking off on thrill rides towards the end, it barely has enough energy left to get back on track and deliver up Scrooge’s touching, and heartfelt conversion. (And this film’s Tiny Tim is a creepy travesty, a weird face lost in the Uncanny Valley of Precious Moments figurines. That certainly hurts the cause when he must become the symbol of Scrooge’s charitable rebirth.)

Disney and Zemeckis had a tough sell here. Many viewers came to this Christmas Carol expecting something like Scrooged or Carrey in The Grinch—a holiday candy basket full of light and silly fast-paced fun. And many others came in prepared to be appalled by the atrocities foisted on Dickens in the name of short-attention-span pandering. Still others rightfully hate the weird mannequin dead-eye aspects of performance capture and Zemeckis’s admittedly myopic devotion to it. I'm always suspicious of Disney's drive to expand and fortify the all-powerful Mouse Empire, but while Disney is all about branding and selling the product, in this case at least the product is Charles Dickens's timeless writing.

As someone who still tries to re-read Dickens’s A Christmas Carol most Decembers (especially those when I’m feeling especially Scrooge-y), I came away impressed by the new film’s commitment to its source, by the clear love Carrey appears to have for the character and the tale. And as a former English teacher, I say if you have to sprinkle the classics with a little modern visual kineticism and slapstick action, that's okay if it means a few more kids will pick up a Dickens book sometime in the future.

Because he's fallen victim to a merciless virus that's been making its way around Chicago, Locke took it easy on everyone this week with his Tuesday and Thursday Threes games and the Close-Up Poster contest.  While I'm still healthy (I just doomed myself, didn't I?), I'm going to be nice and keep the easy streak going with today's Freeze Frame challenge.  

We've had a lot of new players lately, so I'll state the rules once again for anyone who wants to take their first swing: look at the images below and then enter in the titles of the movies you think they're from via the Comments link directly beneath this post.

I won't publish anyone's guesses until Monday.  Whoever wins gets to make themselves a gigantic aluminum-foil trophy.  No, we don't supply the aluminum foil.  There can be only one ultimate champion who gets his or her name in bold on the blog next week, but we will also list the second and third-place winners, AND award the privilege of constructing a Common Thread Button O' Pride to anyone who lists the link between the three films.

And this week's images are:

Movie #1

Movie #2

Movie #3

On your mark, get set, go!

See you back here on Monday when we announce the winners.

Way to look alive out there, folks! Nice turnout for a Thursday Threes (which are by nature a little harder, less searchable on IMDB than the Tuesday version... though, um, still Googleable, I guess).

Jim was first with the correct answer, and I believe this is the same Jim who won Tuesday's Threes--looks like there might be a new Threes sheriff in town! Jim takes home (or rather, makes at home) the construction-paper medal, while Nichol and Matthew S. came in second and third. Well done, everyone!

So who was in The English Patient, Shakespeare in Love, and Love Actually? The answer is just an Inviso-Text highlight away!

Why yes it was Colin Firth, giving voice to Scrooge's nephew Fred in A Christmas Carol this weekend.I'm a big fan of Firth, especially when he squares off against Hugh Grant in the Bridget Jones rom-coms. Of course, couldn't give you those as a clue--far too easy.

Instead I went with one of the first big films many of us saw Firth in, 1996's The English Patient. (Though I do vaguely remember him as the title character in Valmont, the other film version of Les liaisons dangereuses, but I was such a fan of the Stephen Frears, Malkovich-Close Dangerous Liasons one, I never gave Firth's adaptation much of a chance.) (And of course, just before The English Patient, Firth made a big splash in Britain as Mr. Darcy in the television mini-series version of Pride and Prejudice. So much so that long before Firth ever signed on to play Mark in Bridget Jones, the character was described in the book as looking like Colin Firth as Darcy in P&P.)

All of these tangents are my way of stalling on the fact that I have not seen the English Patient in about 13 years, not since it was in theaters. I know, I know... I should revisit it again sometime... when I have lots of caffeine and No-Doze on hand. Anyway, Firth played Geoffrey Clifton, the husband of Kristin Scott Thomas.

In Shakespeare in Love (a film I still dearly adore, even if yes, over the years its charms wear a little thin), Firth played yet another cuckolded spouse (to be), as Lord Wessex the man Gwyneth Paltrow's character is arranged to marry.

And of course in Love Actually (one of my favorite rom-coms and holiday movies--the annual viewing of which is coming up soon), Firth is Jamie, the--surprise!--cuckolded writer who goes to the South of France to finish his book and falls in love with his housekeeper.

With what's likely to be the final Pirates of the Caribbean film setting sail in 2011, you can bet the suits at Disney have been searching high and low for another action-adventure series they can pin their hopes (and revenue projections) to after Captain Jack Sparrow has hung up his natty tricorn.  What they found was Prince of Persia, a video game franchise launched in 1989 that has been handled by several different developers over the years. In 2004, Pirates' producer and frequent Disney collaborator Jerry Bruckheimer secured the rights to one version of the game in particular: Ubisoft's Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, which came out a year prior. 

By mid-2008, Jake Gyllenhaal had landed the starring role of Dastan, a very Aladdin-like character who finds himself working with a princess (played by Gemma Arterton, "Strawberry Fields" in Quantum of Solace) to keep a time-controlling artifact away from the bad guys.  I'll hold my opinions on this first look until after you've watched it...

Hmm, I'm not really feelin' it. I like a lot of Gyllenhaal's work, but he's one of those actors that I just don't buy with an accent. And there was waaaaay too much slo-mo going on in this trailer. Not too mention waaaay too much sand blowing around. In fact, the whole thing reminded me a lot of The Mummy, which is the only movie I ever came thisclose to walking out of in a theater. That's not a good sign.

However, I was really skeptical about the first Pirates movie, too, and I ended up loving it. (The following two sequels? Not quite as much.)  So I'm pretty sure I'll end up seeing Prince of Persia no matter what, solely out of curiosity if nothing else.  But if I were one of the suits at Disney, I'd keep searching for other material to inspire The Next Big Franchise.

I think we all know how it goes, right? And in what is becoming one of those "it's early November, I have a cold, I just want to nap on the couch" trends, this Threes is also pretty darn easy. Enjoy this week's break--next week it's back to making them tricky!

I give you three films, you tell me what single actor was in all three of them.

Enter your guess in the comments section directly below this post, and if you are the first with the correct answer you'll find yourself with the homemade construction-paper medal! (You do all the making. And provide all the materials. But it's really an honor. Trust us.)

I won't publish any guesses until tomorrow when I put the correct answer up.

What actor was in:

Shakespeare in Love

Love Actually

Now Hollywood has done it.  They have chosen to mess with my favorite series of books from my childhood: The Berenstain Bears.  Forget the Chipmunks and their "squeakquel," forget Marmaduke, forget Ramona and Beezus, forget Locke's warnings of the inevitable Family Circus film -- The Berenstain Bear movie MUST BE STOPPED.  They will ruin Mama, Papa, Brother and Sister Bear, I am sure of it!  (I just learned today that baby Honey Bear joined the fam in 2000, too.  I also learned today that the Berenstain Bear Country attraction at Cedar Point amusement park, which I used to go to like ten times per summer, was retired over ten years ago -- sob!  The hits keep coming.)

I find no comfort in the fact that director Shawn Levy is overseeing this project.  Sure, I liked the first Night at the Museum, but let us not forget that he was also responsible for Just Married, The Pink Panther and Night at the Museum 2 among other questionable titles.  The bad outweighs the good on Levy's resume, if I may be so bold.

I *might* have been OK with this whole thing if the plans called for a 100% old-school animated adventure.  Unfortunately, however, the big-hit-or-disastrous-miss combination of live-action and CGI animation will be employed. I don't want to see a CGI version of the Bear family, dammit!  CGI is NOT all that.  Why oh why won't anyone out west come to their senses?

I need a shot of honey.

No problems this time--I said the poster clue was easier this week and sure enough a bunch of you got it right.

So what movie's poster is this image from?

I'm guessing you really don't need a second clue this time, but what the hey, here ya go:

That should do it for anyone still struggling. Follow me over the jump for the full poster.

Name

Posts as (username): *kristYn from CALI*

Age: 23

Location: California  :)

Occupation: Seller of toys at Geppetto’s

First off, we were seriously prepared for you to say that you're from, like, Idaho, and had been faking us all out with your username this entire time.  But we should've known from your always-sunny disposition that you truly are a California girl.  So tell us, when did you start using redbox, and how did you find out about us?

A "follower of Erika"?  Hmm, we can think of nothing scarier.  We better look into that -- don't want to be employing some sort of cult leader.  But, make no mistake, we're glad she helped you find us!  Speaking of finding our wonderful service, how close is the redbox you usually go to?

It’s about an exit away from where I work inside of Albertsons. It’s also very conveniently located next to a frozen yogurt place!

Truth: No one can resist the fro-yo.  You've figured out a key aspect of redbox kiosk-placement strategery!  Before you reveal any more of our company secrets, let's kick off the fun questions with one that always yields an interesting answer: what five movies would you want on a deserted island (deserted... except for a TV and a DVD player and one electrical outlet)?

This question reminds me of Lost (deserted… except for a couple of Dharma stations and a smoke monster, no big deal)! I figure if I’m stuck on a deserted island with the possible threat of Smokey, I need a whole lot of comedy!

The Wedding Singer: One of my favorite rom-coms ever... Love the '80s music and the presence of Billy Idol makes it even better!

Airplane!: I think I may quote this movie more than any other movie… “Surely, you can’t be serious?” …”I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley”…Comedy at its finest!

Legally Blonde: Gotta love a girl with a kick-butt attitude! Pretty, smart, and she loves pink! We would totally be BFF's  ;)

Hairspray: I love the cast, the singing, and of course, the dancing! Plus, the special features on the DVD are pretty awesome (you can learn some of the dances, yessss)! It was either this or HSM!

Any movie you particularly despise?

Surprisingly, no… Even movies that I’m not particularly fond of, something about them keeps me from hating them completely.

I definitely gravitate toward rom-coms and comedies because I love to laugh (who doesn’t?). Occasionally, I’ll branch out and watch dramas and sci-fi movies.  I love all Disney and Pixar movies and think they can do no wrong!

Are there any actors or actresses you can’t stand?

You're definitely not the first person to make those observations about K-Stew, that's for sure.  But we know you didn't walk out of Twilight, right?  So has there ever been a film you have thrown in the towel on before it was over?

I own a bunch, surprisingly. They are all pretty random, but here are a few for your entertainment: Austin Powers (the second one – good retro music + Madonna), Coyote Ugly, Grease, Grease 2 (come on, you know you liked “Cool Rider”), Hairspray, Hannah Montana (for work purposes, I swear!), Now and Then (which is actually a cassette from wayyy back in the day), Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion (love my '80s music), and Twilight (two songs from my favorite band, Paramore, enough said).  Plus, I have every Disney song known to man. Seriously.

Okay, promise not to laugh at my very favorite (if you’re not already laughing, that is)?  I’m currently obsessed with my Mamma Mia! CD. As in, I have the deluxe version in my car CD player at all times. Yes, I know it’s horrible. Yes, I know they cannot sing. Yes, I know it’s all ABBA. But for some weird reason, it’s horribly amazing and I love it!

That IS a random list.  Do you have anything else movie-related at home, or maybe at work? 

You should see if Chotchkie's is hiring! OK, now it's time to stop being polite and start getting real: what’s the hardest you’ve ever cried at a movie? 

Oh, lordy, we don't even know how to respond to that last revelation about Hannah Montana.  Let's just keep moving on... Has a movie ever given you nightmares?

Only scary movies have. I was particularly scared after watching The Shining.  Zombies freak me out, so even though Shaun of the Dead was supposed to be a comedy, I totally had a nightmare after watching it! Then there’s the classic Scream that has made it so I never want to be home alone. Ever. I think someone else on this site mentioned it as well, but E.T. scares me. Always has, always will. Actually, I think it's more the creepy guys in the space-looking suits that scare me. *Shudders*.

Have you ever dressed up as a movie character for Halloween?

Do Disney princesses count? If so, then yes. Every year since I was 3 till I was about 10. Some may call it an obsession, I call it my need for things that are pink and poofy.

Do you know what the first movie you ever saw was? 

I’m not sure if it was the first movie I ever saw, but the first movie I remember watching was Mary Poppins. My mom said that when the movie was finished, she literally had to rewind it and put it back on otherwise I would cry. I would sit and watch it for hours! Considering I’ve been known to still do that today (watch a DVD, finish it, instantly restart it), that doesn’t shock me too much. :)

What was the last movie you saw?

And finally, what’s the movie you’ve seen the most and could recite all of or parts of by heart?

I can recite all of the words to Finding Nemo and Clueless.

Very impressive!  Well, *kristYn from CALI*, we've had a great time chatting with you.  Thanks again for using redbox and adding your special brand of positivity to the redblog community. 

Who will we feature next?  Stay tuned for another Reader Who Rocks interview next week, and in the meantime, take a look at all of our past participants here.