Ha!  I couldn’t be more wrong about that last statement.

Today I was in the kitchen making Monkey’s bottle.  The living room is right there & I sat him on this huge oversized chair & ottoman that we have.  I put pillows on the side to prevent any accidents, or so I thought at least.

I looked over at him just in time to notice that he had kicked a pillow off the chair.  He was in the middle of a roll that would land him on the floor so I ran over to him.  Of course I was too late.

He totally face planted on our tile floors & started really crying.  I picked him up & he stopped crying, but I could tell that it really scared him (& me too).  Naturally I freaked out & called Tarzan to come downstairs.  Monkey had already developed a red circle above his left eye & the bruise was already setting in.

Tarzan thought we needed to take him to the dr so I called the pediatrician.  It’s impossible to talk to a nurse, which I don’t understand.  You just have to leave a message.  (For the record, I left a message at 10:30am & still haven’t heard back right now which is 4:30pm).

Tarzan called his doctor who is a family doctor & he could see Monkey right away.

Even though I was nervous, I felt like this is a rite of passage when you have a baby.  I’ve heard so many stories from others about their children falling off the couch, the bed, etc.  Even though I knew deep down that I was not the only mom who’s child has fallen off something, I still felt really guilty.

It’s hard to see your baby, who is so completely reliant on you, fall & hurt himself & know that it’s your fault.  Sigh.

Anyways, the doctor said that Monkey seemed just fine.  He checked him out, including looking in his ears for any blood & deemed him okay from his fall.  He did tell us that we should monitor him during his naps today & while he is sleeping tonight.  If he throws up or acts funny he said that we should call him & take Monkey to the ER.

I’m hoping that he’s just being extra cautious & that Monkey won’t need to go to the hospital.

So please keep Monkey in your thoughts & prayers for the night.  I’m sure he’ll be fine, but extra good vibes can’t hurt, right?!  ;)

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Her blog hasn’t been updated in a couple of days, but I saw a tweet this morning that made me cry for a little girl that has touched me.  Precious, strong Layla Grace joined the angels.  My heart aches for her family.  It’s just so sad & unfair.

She was only 2 years old; she had her whole life in front of her.  Two year olds aren’t supposed to pass away.  I guess God needed another angel up in Heaven.

I know I haven’t blogged in a week & I think it’s because I’ve been so touched by this little girl’s story & I’ve been clinging on to my little boy.  I’ve been cherishing all of the moments with him…  because you just don’t know how long anyone on this Earth has.

Let’s all learn from Layla Grace’s fight to cherish the ones we love & hold those people close to our hearts.  I hope that Layla’s parents are able to find peace in this difficult situation.  I hope Layla’s sisters are able to handle all of the heavy feelings that come with losing a sibling.

Rest in peace Layla Grace.  You helped me to remember what’s most important in life & to cherish all moments with my little boy, my husband, and everyone else in my life that I love.

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I’ll spare you all of the details, but our weekend can be summed up in a few words: spa, drinks, sun, food (specifically queso), and walking.

I had the best spa day of my life.  It included an 80 minute swedish massage, 80 minute pedicure, manicure, body wrap, time in the sauna, steam room, & sipping on lemon water with cucumbers on my eyes in the relaxation room.

Ahhh, it was glorious!  (& it’s okay, be jealous.  I know I would! )

Fast-forward to the drunken advice that I was given.  Tarzan and I were at a bar and a very friendly drunk girl told me to kiss her cheek.  I was not as drunk as her, so I declined, but we struck up a conversation.  What a way to break the ice, eh?!

She asked why we were in San Antonio & I told her that we have a 7 month old baby & just needed to get away.  She told me that she was a newlywed, the 2nd time around.  Together her & her current husband have five children together.  She said, “Don’t tell my husband, but I wish that I could have made my first marriage work.”

She went on to tell me how wonderful it was that Tarzan & I were out, not as parents, but as a married couple.  She said that right when she had her first child, her & her ex husband stopped working on the marriage part of their relationship.  They were just so & so’s mom & dad.

They fizzled out of love & did nothing to make it work, hence the divorce.

She told me to cherish this time away from Monkey because it would make me a better mom, wife, & all-around person.  We only talked for a short time, but I totally & completely agree with her.

This past weekend did wonders for how I feel about my relationship with my husband.  It made me realize that we still have it & still have a great time together.  I implemented a rule that we didn’t talk about Monkey, work, money, etc.  Our short weekend was just about us.  Obviously we ended up looking at pictures of Monkey on our phones, but we just enjoyed each other’s company.

While I was getting a manicure a lady said to me, “Oh, you must miss your son terribly!”  While I did miss him, I needed this getaway & I was at a point when I was ready for it.  I knew Monkey was in excellent hands with my parents & honestly I was just having a great time with my husband.  I missed Monkey, but I wasn’t rushing back home & cutting my trip short.

I forgot what it was like to not have a routine.  I forgot what it was like to eat breakfast slowly and without interruption.  I forgot what it was like to have one too many drinks, dance with my husband, come home at 1am, & then sleep until 10am.  It was just what I needed.

My advice to anyone that is a parent, whether you have one child or five children, is to take time away from being mom or dad & remember what it is like to be a couple.  You will come back being a better mother/father, husband/wife, & a happier person all together.

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Monkey packed: Check!

Dog packed: Check!

Tomorrow morning we are dropping our dog off at the boarders.  Next we’ll be dropping Monkey off at my parent’s house.  Finally it will just be me & T on a road trip to San Antonio for some much needed “us” time!

To say that I’m excited is quite the understatement. For real.  I’m ready for a break this weekend & to reconnect with my husband on a level that doesn’t involve poopy diapers, a dog whining for milk, & a schedule.

That’s right – No routine this weekend.  We’ll be doing whatever whenever & it’s going to be awesome.

Drinks in the middle of the day while strolling on the riverwalk holding my husband’s hand is so what I (we) need!  And did I mention that I’ll be having a mini-spa day complete with a massage, body wrap, pedicure, & manicure.

Oh yes, it’s going to be great!  I.Can.Not.Wait.

(Boy it sure does take a lot more planning & packing when a baby is involved!)

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I got SO many emails & tweets about just “hanging in there” & that’s totally been my plan… but thanks to everyone who tried to convince me to stay  married.  :)

The truth is, divorce is not an option & I knew that we just needed to have a good talk about all that’s going on.  After I wrote the previous blog post, I went upstairs, handed Monkey to Tarzan, told him that I needed a break (he said “another break already?”), & went into the guest room & shut the door.

I was crying my eyes out.  Call me emotional or just an overwhelmed stay-at-home mom.  The point is that I was at my breaking point & was exploding.  I was crying hysterically, like someone close to me had just died.  It was ridiculous & I knew that it was time to have “the talk”.

At first we were both a little stubborn & didn’t seem to be paying attention to what each other was saying.  But when we started to listen, it was amazing.

I told Tarzan that it’s hard.  Staying at home with Monkey can drive me nuts at time.  I worry about having the house clean, doing the dishes, the laundry, going grocery shopping, etc.  Sure, it’s all pretty mundane, but it can get super overwhelming for anyone that is at it 24/7.

Tarzan told me that he tried so many times in the past to help out, but I criticized everything he was doing, making him feel like he wasn’t doing anything right.  He said that he just shut off & totally focused on work stuff because that made him feel good.

Strangely enough, men need to be praised & to be told that they are doing a good job, whether it’s changing a diaper or taking out the trash.  Of course I don’t understand it – It’s not like I get words of praise when I fold clothes, but I’m not going to worry about that.

After talking for a couple of hours (really), we both promised that we would try harder in the future.  Tarzan would try to help out more & give me breaks when he sees that I need it.  I promised that I would stop beating him down & thank him for the help that he gives.

While it’s just been a few days since this big talk, we are doing much better.  We are both on the same page & even though it’s tough, I’m not keeping score anymore.  The other day the trash was getting full & Tarzan was still asleep.  Instead of getting annoyed & letting it build up inside of me, I took the trash out.  & when Tarzan woke up, I didn’t mention a word about it.

See, I’m trying.

Monkey was extremely difficult yesterday.  He screams for fun & I can’t stand the noise.  It’s horrid.  He was fussy & nothing pleased him.  Usually I know what the kid wants, but yesterday was a different story.  Nothing seemed to make him happy (teething, perhaps?).

Anyways, Tarzan came downstairs to show me something & when I was finished watching it, he asked why I was crying.  He thought the video he created had made me cry, when instead I was just frustrated with Monkey & needed some time away.  Without even having to ask, he told me to do whatever I needed to do & that he was going to play with Monkey until bathtime.

It was wonderful & what I needed to recharge.

I see us both going the extra mile with each other & it’s nice.  It’s refreshing & just what we both need.

As a total side note: You know those girls who think that having a baby will make their relationship with their husband/boyfriend so much better?  Geez, what a letdown that has to be when said baby comes & life as they know it changes completely.  A person really needs to be in a good, solid relationship before having kids because even when they are, it still can be a bumpy road at times.

It’s amazing what a little communication will do in a marriage, isn’t it?!

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Now while I can’t see myself joining the above percentage, I do see how it happens.

Before baby, said married couple has a strong marriage.  A great one full of awesome communication.  The wife does her own thing, the husband does his, & then things are done as a couple.  It’s easy & you think that throwing a baby into the mix will just add diapers to your life.  Ha!

After baby, even the strongest of married couples (myself & Tarzan included) start to unravel a bit.  Communication lacks due to sleepness nights.  I wish my husband could read my mind.  To Tarzan it probably feels like nothing he does is right.

Actually, I know that last statement to be true because I asked him that last night.  I said, “Do you feel like anything you do is not right?” & he said, “Yes”.

Interesting.

It’s just that half the time when he tries to help out, I end up having to do some of it anyways.  So really it’s not helping me out; he’s creating more work for me.  If he changes a diaper, he leaves the wipe box open & leaves the dirty diaper on the changing table.  I guess in his mind he changed the dirty diaper – picking up after himself was not included.

And it’s even more than just things baby-related.  One of my biggest pet peeves is the trash.  My husband would be more than happy to just let the trash pile up in the garbage can, around the garbage can, & anywhere in between.  Once the trash gets full, in my mind, it needs to be taken out.

Since he doesn’t take it out on his own, I remind him.  & lots of times I’m irritated when I remind him because I don’t see how a grown man can’t just do it on his own.  Anyways, he’ll take the trash bag out of the garbage can & set it on the side of the garbage can.  Again, this irritates me as I do not want a freakin’ bag of trash just sitting out in the kitchen.  Gross.

So then I ask him to take it out to the garage & he does that.  When he comes back inside, he continues about his business, complete with not putting in a new trash bag.  So I do the natural thing & just wait it out to see how long it will take him to put a new trash bag in the can.  He doesn’t.  Instead he’ll put a used napkin or paper plate on the counter right by where the garbage can lives.

Then I ask him to put a damn trash bag in the garbage can & I look like the bad guy.  In my mind though, why doesn’t he just complete the whole task instead of doing it half-assed?!

At times it feels like I went from a married woman to a single parents with 2 kids.  And that’s annoying.

Then there was this morning.  Monkey woke up ridiculously early (too bad he didn’t get the memo that it’s cool to sleep in on the weekends) and I waited to see if Tarzan would get out of bed.  I mean, surely he heard the monitor.  It was hard to miss.  But he didn’t move an inch.  Sigh.

I started to get out of bed, like I do every morning, & Tarzan (suddenly awake) says, “I’m sorry”.

Now, I’m sorry, but that’s the last damn thing I want to hear when it’s 5:30am.  So of course, I said something.  I said, “Don’t be sorry, just get up every once and a while.  I do it every single morning.”  Then he chimes in with, “Well I tried to get up with Monkey yesterday morning”.  And then I just started to laugh.  For real.

Yesterday morning Tarzan woke up because our dog was crying.  Yes, if it’s not the baby, it’s the dog.  He got up, closed our bedroom door, and went on about his business.  About 10 minutes later I heard crying.  From the monitor.  Inside our room.  The one that my husband “forgot” to turn off if he truly was going to let me sleep in.

Of course his excuse was, “I’m sorry.  I’m just not used to getting up with him in the morning & forgot about the monitor.”  You may not be used to turning off the monitor, but it’s been there, in the same place, for the past (almost) 7 months.  Talk about annoying.

It’s all these little things, but they begin to add up & cause me to go off like a time bomb at any given moment.  And I hate that I’ve turned into that wife/mom, but there’s a lot on my mind.  Monkey screaming, the dog crying, Monkey crying, the dirty dishes that need to go into the dishwasher, the laundry that needs to be done, the house that needs to be cleaned, the errands that need to be run, and on and on and on.

And where’s my time in all of that?!  Once Monkey goes to be, I’m exhausted & ready for bed too.  It’s a freakin’ endless cycle and I wish that I didn’t get so annoyed at my husband, but he creates more work for me at times.  I wish he helped out more, all while knowing that he has to work, but wishing that he had an “easier” job.

I’ll leave you with this last little gem.  This morning I was trying to eat breakfast.  Monkey has learned this new, um, “trick” with his voice & he makes it quiver likes he’s about to scream, but he’s just playing.  Anyways, it sends chills up my spine.  The dog was whining because she wanted some of my breakfast & Tarzan had escaped upstairs doing whatever he was doing.

I was about to lose it, so I yelled upstairs, “Can you come down & take Monkey & the dog upstairs with you?  I just need like 10 minutes to eat in peace & have to myself.”  Tarzan says, “You don’t have to talk to me like that.”  So I reply with, “It’s not that I’m talking mean to you, I’m just frustrated.  I wish you understood.”  and he says, “I do understand”.  Yeah, right (I didn’t say it out loud though.)

Clearly I had asked him to take the dog & Monkey upstairs & give me time to myself… so what does he do?  He comes into the kitchen & whistles at Monkey (like he’s a dog) & starts making his breakfast.  I feel myself getting so pissed off.  He makes his coffee, gets everything ready for his meal, and Monkey is still making noises.  I’m thisclose to tell Tarzan that Monkey is a baby, not a dog, but I keep my mouth shut.

Instead I say, “I asked you if you would take them upstairs & give me quiet time.  Are you planning on doing that?”  He says, “Give me two more minutes.”  Why, oh why, was it so important that you make your breakfast at the exact damn time that I ask you to help me out???

And this, my friends, is why I get so annoyed so easily all of the time.  I feel like I can’t win.  I know that Tarzan can’t read my mind, but when I come out and ask him for help & tell him specifically what to do, he doesn’t do it.

So I can totally see how this life gets to be just too much for some & they opt for a divorce.  But, while I can see it, I know that that is not in the cards for us… We just need to find a balance between us & FAST.

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My pediatrician never really said specifics when it came to feeding him, so I wasn’t sure if there was a correct order (formula vs. solids) to do it.  I would feed Monkey his jar of baby food first & then give him a bottle.

We went to the pediatrician’s office last week to get his rotavirus vaccine & I asked the nurse if I was feeding Monkey too much solids & not enough formula.  She gave me a sheet of paper & told me that I should feed Monkey his formula first since that’s where the majority of his nutrition & vitamins comes from.  Didn’t know that…

Well, I think deep down I did know that, but it didn’t exactly dawn on me that I might be feeding him too much baby food & not enough formula.

Anyways, we started to switch from that point on.

Now I feed him his bottle first & give him a jar of Stage 2 (my little man loves food!) after.  I usually give him a jar of fruit around lunchtime & then a jar of veggies around dinnertime.  I find that I’m not too regimented on sticking to a schedule.  Most days he gets two jars of food, but there have been a couple of days when he only got one jar of solids.

He gets at least 6 bottles of formula a day, so I know I’m doing that part right.

What about your baby?  Are you doing the same thing as I am or are you doing something different?  I’d love to hear about your solids schedule.

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The start to my morning was just like every other day:  Get up with Monkey, feed him, play with him, put him down for a nap, and wait for my husband to wake up.  Ah, it must be nice to sleep in.

Anyways, when Tarzan woke up he went straight to making his breakfast.  Pretty normal for when a person first wakes up, unless you wake up with a baby.  The baby always comes first.  & for some reason I got annoyed.  I kept it in me though; I didn’t want to start anything so early in the morning.

I guess I was being weird because Tarzan said, “What’s wrong?”  Of course I replied, “Nothing”.  Then he was like, “Are you sure?” & I said, “Well, I’m a little annoyed, but I don’t want to start an argument”.

Uh-oh.

Then I just told him, “You know, it would be nice for you to offer to wake up with Monkey & let me sleep in.  It would be nice if you fed him a bottle once & a while.  It would be nice if you gave him a bath & told me to enjoy some alone time.”

And then he said, “You can sleep in tomorrow”.

Dammit, that’s what you got from what I just said?!? I told him that he was missing the whole point.  Now in telling him this stuff, I thought that I was alleviating the whole “it would be nice if you could read my mind” stuff, but I was wrong.

Again, I told him that it would be nice to feel appreciated & for him to do something other than playing with Monkey every now & then.  He asked me if I had joined a mom’s group yet.

Then I got pissed.

A freakin’ mom’s group is not going to offer to let me sleep in.  They are not going to offer to change Monkey’s diaper & give me time to myself for 10 minutes.  Again, Tarzan, you are missing the point.

Then I turned to pick up Monkey & said, “I hope you aren’t like this when you grow up.”  Tarzan said, “Don’t say things like that” & I looked him right in the eyes & said, “I’ll say whatever I feel like saying”.

Ouch, I know.

In my defense, I only meant that I hope Monkey isn’t like Tarzan in the way he doesn’t listen, but regardless, I should have kept my mouth shut.  It’s just hard though.  Like I’m damned if I do & damned if I don’t.

I don’t expect my husband to read my mind, but then when I tell him what I would like him to do on occasion, he doesn’t get it.  It’s frustrating.  Honestly, I don’t mind getting up with Monkey in the mornings.  I guess I would kind of consider myself a morning person now, thanks to Monkey.  But even though I don’t mind it, it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like my husband to offer to get up with him even once a week.

Most days stuff like this doesn’t bother me, but on random times like this morning, it gets to me.  A lot.  I’ll spare you the whole “being a mom is the hardest job ever”, but anyone that is a mom already knows this.

(I did apologize to Tarzan because I know that my comment was really low & I know that I shouldn’t have said that.  I also know that I was so frustrated & my emotions got the best of me.  But I just need my husband to get what I’m saying & I explained that to him.  Hopefully (fingers crossed) we understand each other just a little better & will try to really hear what the other person is saying in the future.)

I really hate starting off my day with an argument.

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I had a ton of questions about breastfeeding: if I was doing it right, if Monkey was getting enough milk, and all the other questions that new moms have when they are breastfeeding.

One of my “newer” friends volunteered to come over & try to help me out.  When she came over, my dog was acting super needy & I seemed to be catering to his every need.  She said, “Doesn’t your dog get on your nerves at times now that you have a baby?”

I thought about that question in the next few seconds & decided not to answer it because, no, he does not get on my nerves.  My dog & his needy ways were what I was used to & I knew that I could provide comfort to him & give him what he wanted.  It was comfortable for me & not nearly as annoying as trying to figure out a new baby & being a new mom.

Then my friend went on to say how her dog was her baby before the real baby came along & now she realizes that her dog is, well, a dog.  Not a baby & not superiority to her son.

Obviously I was not in a place to agree with her.  I would have taken caring for my dog any day over trying to take care of my new baby.  I didn’t even know if I could do the whole mom thing, but I was confident that I was a good “mom” to my dog.

Strangely enough, this past memory popped into my head yesterday & I can’t stop thinking about her words.  They resonate with me now & I understand what she was trying to say back then.  & I do finally agree.

I love my dog & he was my baby before having Monkey.  But, when it comes down to it, he is just a dog & not a real life baby.  A dog & a baby’s needs are not the same.  I know that he means well, but he does get on my nerves here & there because he’s become even more needy lately.  & it’s just hard to try to take care of a baby & be the same “mom” to my dog that I was prior to Monkey.

It’s not hard actually, but near impossible.  I do strive to give my dog the attention he needs (& I think I do a pretty good job at it), but Monkey comes first.  He’s the real live baby that needs his mom more than anything.

That being said, I do still take our dog on walks, give him lots of belly rubs at night & when Monkey is content playing on his own.  I give him treats throughout the day & try to include him in our playtime, though he still isn’t too fond of Monkey.

Looking back, I know that dealing with postpartum depression really clouded my views as a new mom trying to figure out the new baby thing.  But boy am I glad that I got past that & realize how important & special my little boy is to me.

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We cuddled as I began to rock him and feed him his bottle.  I guess the pears he had earlier filled his tummy because he wasn’t interested in eating his bottle.  He rested his head in the side of my neck & I thought that he was off to sweet dreaming.

But he wasn’t.  He had another thing planned instead.

He pressed his lips to my neck & blew.  You know, to make that noise when lips hit the skin.  (My dad used to do this to my belly when I was little & we always called them “zeeberts”.)

Of course I laughed out loud & he looked at me & started to laugh too.  So much for trying to be quiet & restful, right?

After that he was all played out, turned his head to face the other way, & drifted off to sleep while cuddling with me.  It’s the little things like this that really settle with me & make me realize how much I love my little guy.  He’s growing up so quickly & I just have to cherish all of these funny moments when they come.

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