Photo credit: D. Sharon Pruitt

Love is not one-size fits all. It doesn’t operate on a universal timetable. So why are we expected to find the person we want to spend our life with by the time we’re 22? At no time is this expectation more apparent than around Valentine’s Day. With chocolate, teddy bears, conversation hearts, and questions about your dating status coming out of the woodwork.

Jane Austen Dating

Though my iPhone says it’s 2012, it sure feels like I’m living in a Jane Austen novel from the questions I get about my personal life, especially in February:

“Not married? Don’t you want to get married?”

I never tell them that marriage actually is not a goal of mine. I’m too afraid they’ll drop dead right then and there.

“No boyfriend! But you’re so pretty. What’s wrong with you?”

Never does it occur to them that something is wrong with the gentlemen callers, as Tennessee Williams once dubbed them.

“You know you aren’t getting any younger. Better get a fella before they’re all gone!”

I’m not?! Gee and here I thought I was pulling a Benjamin Button this whole time. Thanks for the update.

Love on My Time

In this day and age when women are theoretically equal (I do not call earning 80 cents on the dollar equal but that’s a discussion for another day), why is it still so shocking for a woman in her 20′s to be unmarried without everyone assuming that she has some hideous defect? I never hear my guy friends of the same age being grilled in a similar fashion.

I do not mean this piece to be an embittered diatribe against all things love, nor do I mean to imply that I am against love. Quite the contrary. But I want love on my terms and my timetable. The idea that we should have found love by a certain randomly assigned point in our lives is what I believe pushes so many to rush into marriage and consequently causes them to later get a divorce.

Your Choice

You should never marry someone just because you dislike like being alone or because you’re with them at the age when you think you should be married. You have to wait until you are ready. True, there is the chance that you never meet that “perfect” person. But you have to ask yourself this question:

Would you rather wait for something amazing or settle for something mediocre?

Me?

I don’t settle.

I only do amazing.

Believe it, because it’s happening.

While Scotty is out and Dave is climbing some mountain (Yes, I did refer to Mt. Kilamanjaro as “some mountain”) we will have a special guest in the hot seat for co-mod.

My friend Colin Burns will be joining us tomorrow from 7-8 p.m. CST to chat “Gen Y in the Workplace.” You can find Colin tweeting at @TheCBurns, where he’ll probably make you laugh, snark or just share some solid information about digital. Colin currently works at AT&T as a Social Strategist, and has previously worked for companies such as Chipotle and Match.com.

So, tell us: What type of questions would you like to see about the workplace?

Here are a few examples:

1. Is there a reason that Gen Y bounces around from job to job? Is it a loyalty thing?
2. Do you think the economy has impacted how Gen Y approaches the workplace?
3. How can Gen Y stand out in the workplace and continue to grow in their career?

Leave your question ideas in the comments below.

Don’t Talk Shop

It’s easy to approach networking events as always being on or talking shop. As a professional event, the natural direction of the brain is to talk and impress with professional prowess and understanding of trends. Professionals work an average of 40-60 hours a week, with the uptake hitting around 80-100.

There is always time to talk about business, and building a foundation on common likes and interests builds trust from the start. Some of the best professional relationships can start by finding a similar interests in each other. Like minds tend to gravitate toward each other and feel more at ease.

Branch Out: The Domino Effect

It’s ok to attend events with friends or people you know. Before the event, hatch a game plan with your friend to split up and meet different people. Set a time with each other to loop back around with one person you’ve met, and introduce each other to the new connections. From there, it’s a domino effect.

Find Five New People to Interact With

Spontaneity can work in networking situations, but it’s also good to do research before heading to an event. Did you register for the event on an online site, such as EventBrite? Sites tend to make the registration list public, which also include Twitter handles. Find five new people you hope to meet and learn a bit about them. It might sound like a creepy stalker, but it will make you feel more comfortable and understand the type of room you will walk into.

Research into the event, organization hosting it and what others have said about previous events. There is no rule that states you have to attend an event because of networking. Find the right fit for you and people that you would want to interact with. Like it or not, your network reflects on you.

Follow Up Is Key

You attended an event and met some smart, savvy people. Now what?

A few tips on follow-up:

• Reach out via email and ask the person if you can have a phone call with them just to chat within the next month. If they are local, ask them if they would like to grab coffee. Make sure that you don’t stipulate a time frame, but offer to work with their schedule. This shows you value their time and them as a person.
• If you received a business card, write out three bullets on topics of conversation, point of interest and what type of connection you hope to achieve. This way, when you reach out to them via email, you can reference conversations and continue to build the relationship.
• Give the person time to respond. If you haven’t heard the next day, it’s ok. Wait a week and follow up one more time. If you don’t hear back, move on. There are plenty of other people who you can connect with and learn from.
• Remember people who impressed you and you felt a genuine connection with. Prioritize the people you met and who you would want to continue learning from and conversing on different topics.

Pay It Forward

Mentors and great connections are hard to come by. A great way to continue to build your network is to recognize great people, their hard work and connect them with those that you also enjoy talking to. It’s easy to send out a tweet to two people on why they should know each other – or even just an email. Remember the wine and dine bit at the beginning? People want to feel special and at front of mind. If you’ve had someone help you, recognize it. Once recognized, introduce them to others.

Networking should be mutually beneficial. What do you think?

There are a few kinds of “announcements” nonetheless even though any kind of is irrelevant. Here are some types.

THE “NEW COLLEGE GRAD” ANNOUNCEMENT

“I just accepted my first job!” “I’ll be moving to LOCATION to start XYZ.” Congratulations, you managed to do exactly what you were supposed to do after college. But seriously, congrats, it’s a tough economy. But to tell everyone in your network seems a bit much. Some of your classmates and friends aren’t in the same position. If you are inclined to send an announcement to someone send it to those who are closests (read: parents who paid the bills for school and family).

Another thing to consider with this college grad announcement, your friends may think you are a douche. While you may be getting a great job offer, announcing it just throws it back in the face of your unemployed friends. Try talking to those who are looking for work up to almost a year and then think about screaming about your entry-level position (I’ll explain this more a litter further down in the part called “lil diddy”).

THE “I HAVE A SECRET BUT I WONT TELL YOU YET, I’LL JUST TELL YOU I HAVE A SECRET” ANNOUNCEMENT.

“Big news coming!” “Good stuff coming my way but I can’t tell you yet! Just know good news!” So you are telling me that you can’t tell me something that you just told me? Wait, what? It’s like saying it to hear yourself speak. It’s not that there is a secret you are hiding; we understand you are excited but is it relevant to tell people useless information. Maybe for your own personal justification? That is cool. Again, tell those who are closest to you.

THE “LATERAL MOVE THAT ISN’T HUGE OR A MAJOR UPGRADE OR EXPLAINING ANYTHING” ANNOUNCEMENT

So you have a new job? That is awesome. Wait, you went from account manager or product manager from client A to client B in the same company? Ummm ok? So you left one company to go to another to do the same exact thing, but you don’t tell me or anyone else reading your post why you left? The point, you made a lateral move, which is equally as good as a promotion or a new job. The suggestion? Give details explain why this may be relevant to “announce.” If it isn’t, then don’t scream it to people online, just tell friends and keep those close to you in the loop. They care the most.

THE “1/4 OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT WITHOUT GIVING FULL DETAIL OR STUFF”

You leave a job for another job, same role new company, but don’t explain what happened. View it as necessary transparency that comes with announcing the role. I’m one to believe that if you feel big enough to “announce” you best tell the whole truth, and nothing but it. This one falls into the previous two types but can often be it’s own kind of “announcement” too. When all there are combined, I refer to it as a “Clusterfuck” Announcement.

MY RULE OF THUMB

I have one rule when it comes to any job announcement, and it’s extreme so if you don’t agree that’s cool. I only announce when necessary and if I do announce I should be comfortable telling my salary too. The reason: an announcement should be clear and explain all potential questions asked. If you can’t explain or divulge all information, then it shouldn’t be announced. You aren’t Apple, XBOX, Facebook or Twitter so leaving people guessing isn’t anticipation, it’s an asshole-move.

LITTLE DIDDY

Job announcements can be a great thing. It’s an exciting time for an individual. A huge life achievement. The problem, the folks you are “announcing” to, while they may be “happy,” have their own shit to deal with.

My situation: I wanted to tell a lot of people about my first job because I was excited, but then I remembered a few friends who graduated a year before me still searching for their first job out of college. It put that “announcement” in perspective for me.

One announcement in particular that I loved was David Spinks’ move to Zaarly. No, not because he helps run this site. The reason why it was relevant and worth the telling was because he had to explain some things. BlogDash was his baby: he was the creator, the face and the brains behind it. People online and offline knew this. So of course, with an announcement to a new job questions would come up. Spinks explained what happened and his new role with BlogDash while keeping the focus on the next chapter in his life. He didn’t just say he accepted XYZ and blah blah blah. He gave context and valuable information. He told you what happened and answered questions. It made sense and was relevant.

I hope after reading this you think twice about making that announcement–as a new grad, a lateral move or whatever. When you scream online it’s heard more than IRL and sometimes it isn’t received the way you intended.

It’s not just about the type of personality that is in an office, or corporate culture. It’s that superficial first impression that comes when meeting a colleague, potential or current client for the first time. The image presented is one that should convey the type of work, person and integrity level of the agency.

Whether we like it or not, we are judged on presentation before we even open our mouths.

Shoes

Peep toe heels or 1-inch closed toe? It’s a dilemna that many women in the workforce face each day. Some believe that its not professional to wear 3-4 inch heels, even if they are black and conservative. As women at the business table, we are judged twice as hard as our male counterparts. One place of work might consider shoes to be appropriate, while others do not. It’s all about knowing your culture and what style goes together.

If you’re concerned about your shoe wear, wear more conservative dress, such as plain and dark colors, and spruce it up with your accessories.

Handshakes

Remember the first impression? Women and men are both judged on their handshakes. It’s not only the grip, but can come down to other factors as well.

A few tips:

1. If you have your nails painted, make sure they are a color appropriate for the type of work you do. If you have conservative clients, they will probably notice a yellow nail color and think less of you. If you’re a creative type and it’s ok to wear different nail colors, go for it.
2. Shake with your right hand and lean forward when you do so, while making eye contact. Speak clearly with both your first and last name. This shows the other person interest in what they have to say.
3. Use a anti-bacterial wipe before going into meetings. No one likes a sweaty or dirty palm.

Professional Dress

It seems simple, but know your office and requirements. If its jeans/flip-flops, great. If it’s more conservative, follow it. Body parts should be covered, and dress length should be appropriate. If it’s not, put on a scarf, cardigan and tights. It’s easy to make dresses look more professional. If it’s a shorter dress, wear flats or shorter heels.

Many agencies are fine with jeans as long as a client isn’t in the office, while others only have jeans Friday. Fleishman-Hillard, Austin actually does a twist on this: Formal Fridays, where everyone dresses in their best outfit.

Tattoos and Piercings

I’ve never been a fan of visible tattoos and piercings in the workplace, although I have many friends with them. Many large brands have clauses in their dress code and always covering any body art or piercing. The difference in Gen Y and other generations is that many will not work for a place that has that type of rule. Before, it was just understood and professionals would abide by this.

Corporate v. start-up culture does play into it, but it also speaks to the fact that Gen Y wants to work for brands they believe in. Many state that if they can’t be themselves, they can’t represent the brand 100 percent.

What do you think? Would you work for a company with a dress code you disagreed with? Do you think that professional dress is overrated?

Let’s chat in the comments.

I dread this question.

Unfortunately, this question is what defines us in social situations. At networking events. When you’re introduced to your new sister in law. Or when you meet new parents at your son’s first Tuesday evening swim class of the summer.

What do you do?

Four simple words with so much baggage tied up in them. After all, if you’re an investment banker, you probably have a nice house, a nice car, a nice life. As opposed to a struggling life of being a plumber or a carpenter or a barista.

The answer to those four simple words can instantly change anyone’s perception of who you are. The answer to that question is the standard by which you are judged by society.

I hate this question, because I’ve always been a wearer of many hats. It’s just my nature.

I’m a musician.
I’m a writer.
I’m a web developer.
I’m an interviewer.
I’m an event planner.
I’m a filmmaker.

Hell, I even construct, setup, program, and debug my own animated dancing Christmas lights display every Christmas season. There are 4 or 5 different industries involved in that project alone.

I know I’m not alone. You’re probably the same way. You have a wide variety of interests. A wide variety of activities you enjoy “doing”, some that produce substantial income, some that produce minimal income. Some don’t produce any income at all.

But rattling off the whole list can be difficult when meeting somebody for the first time. After all, they only asked you a simple four word question. They don’t want your whole life story, right? Or do they? If you don’t explain everything, they might not get an accurate picture of who you really are.

Of course, if you’re at a networking event meeting somebody for the first time, they might only be interested in how you can help them. That simple four word question weeds out those who are a waste of time to meet.

Maybe that’s the whole point of that four word question. To weed out those who we have no fit for in our lives.

So tell me.

What do you do?

(photo credit)

I recently found out that my former college roommate, sorority sister, and dear friend has Cancer.  It has spread to her liver as well as two places in her bones. As I mentioned to Lauren, Meg and I have not spent time together in recent years, but to me, the word friendship to me has always been a privilege and a promise. As you all know, college is a time for making lifelong friendships. And I hold the word friendship in the very highest regard.

My friend Deirdre asked her community, What would you do if this was your friend? What can you do? The sound of Meg’s laughter echoes in my ears as I fall asleep. I look at the pictures of her two beautiful young daughters and hug my own children tightly.

“Why you sad, mommy?” my two year-old asks. “Because my friend is sick,” I answer. And sadly, it seems there is nothing I can do to change that. But what I can do, is hold hands virtually with the many friends we share and strive to offer support. What I can do, is introduce others to Meg and hopefully she will inspire them to find new joy and appreciation in their own friendships. What I can do, is make sure Meg knows that her friendship is cherished and that others are looking out for her and her daughters.

Meg’s CaringBridge site includes a link to a paypal account. I know that everyone has a good cause, but I hope you will consider adding $2 to the account. Why $2? Well, I seem to remember a local $2 beer night when we were in college. And we always seemed to find $2 to buy a beer. So tonight, I thought, perhaps you would buy this incredible girl a drink, and toast to #TeamMeg. And introduce Meg to one of your friends. Right now, she could use the support, and I have a feeling your friends will be better having met her.

On Thursday evening, Lauren, Dave & Scott are allowing me to serve as guest host for #U30pro, and in honor of  #TeamMeg”, help guide a discussion that focused on evolving relationships. As you continue to grow as a professional, it is easy to get consumed by work and responsibilities. I hope you will join us for a conversation about where friendship fits in.

• How do you define the word “friend”?
• What are the most important qualities you look for in a friend?
• What are some of the best ways to maintain college relationships as you enter the professional world?

Of course incredible friendships are not limited to your school years. And post-college, much of your time will be spent at work. I count among my friends a few special people I have met through work. And if anyone doubts that true friendship can emerge from Twitter, please check out this post from my spectacular friend Heather Whaling,

• Can you be friends with a co-worker? A boss? Someone who reports to you?
• Can  you be friends with a client?
• Are there “rules” to managing friendships in the workplace?
• How do you distinguish colleagues from friends?
• Has the term “friendship” become diluted in the world of Facebook?

Thanks for taking the time to read and consider. Hope to chat with you tonight at 8pm EST at #u30pro!

To that end, Fast Company posted an article entitled “How It Works As A New College Grad”, and tackled the topic from the search itself all the way through to getting your foot in the door (with your resume).

The entire article is pretty interesting, but I found the snippit at the end about the resumes the most interesting part. Namely, the QR code resume as covered on Mashable, and one by a gentleman named Hagan Blount, which is more of an infographic-style resume.

Each resume does something that sets the person apart. For the QR code resume, the person wanted to “express myself vocally as soon as they read the paper version. The combination of a sheet of paper and a QR code felt like the best way to reach that goal.”

With the infographic resume, Hagan capitalizes on the popularity of infographics while presenting his work (and his life) in a visually pleasing and easy-to-understand format.

These two resumes have given me a lot to think about the next time I decide to put my name out there in search of a job. Namely, I’ve been thinking about how to:

• Talk about my diverse skill set without overwhelming the recipient
• Organize my resume to tell the most compelling story
• Highlight the experiences that matter most, without leaving those that are compelling but not as important off my resume
• Show that I “get” the social and digital space through more than just my words
• Bring some personality into my resume

Have you seen any stellar examples of resumes? Share them in the comments!

After a year and a half of cozy cubicle living, I decided I was miserable. I was unchallenged, unmotivated and completely disgruntled with the corporate world. While I was doing well, I was also receiving minimal recognition, minimal respect, and minimal pay. While I was fortunate enough to have had some amazing people fighting to get me what I deserved, their hard work in getting that recognition came a bit too late. I turned down an in-house position (which would have literally meant job security for life) and a 25% salary increase. In a slumping economy, it was crazy talk! I declined the offer in August and was set to be unemployed and homeless in December. Happy Holidays, right?

It wasn’t an easy decision to make, especially when the economy was still in shambles and I was looking to get into a marketing position in New York City (like I was the only one). My mom, dad, at-the-time-boyfriend, brother, sister and friends all said “Are you crazy? Stick it out. Be happy you have a job.” But that wasn’t enough for me and it shouldn’t be enough for anyone, especially when you’re 24. I knew if I didn’t take the opportunity to get out at that moment, I would wake up and realize I had never gotten out.

Being a dream-chasing, job-hunting young professional is a challenging time. I was never so stressed, exhausted or terrified. But I was also exhilarated. I hit the pavement, and surprisingly didn’t fall flat on my face. Instead, I found myself with a job offer at an amazing start-up a few weeks before my impending unemployment/homeless. The rest, as they say, is history.

If I could pass any advice to other young professionals out there, it would be to never settle for good enough, because it’s just good enough. It reminds me of those drug commercials from back in the day where the little girl says “When I grow up, I want to be a junkie” (come on, I’m not the only one who remembers that, am I?). Well, no one ever says that and no one ever says they want to grow up to be good enough.

For me, biggest fear – and thus my biggest motivator – is being simply content. I come from a long line of people who are just moderately satisfied with their lives. But I don’t want to be content. I want to be ecstatic about my life, I want to be challenged and I want to be happy to the very core of my being. I knew I’d never get that deep down happiness if I signed on the dotted line and taken that job offer.

This community, to me, is about sharing our experiences and sharing what we’ve learned in our own professional lives to help inspire and guide our peers. This is the biggest thing I’ve learned: We all deserve the right to reach for what others tell us is impossible to achieve. We all deserve to not just be good enough.

You’re at the bottom of the totem pole, you’re paying your dues, but sometimes it can feel like you’re all alone (even when you know deep down every else is working just as hard). We’ve all been there. I know it’s different for different industries, but the lower you are, the more “grunt” work you have to do. Everyone does stuff they don’t love at work, that’s just a fact. But often the most junior staff have to do more than everyone else.

How do you know when to say no? After two years, I still don’t have all of the answers (far from it), but here are some tips to know when to say when.

For a start, ask yourself these questions…

Will the task/project/assignment endanger your life or health? This has not happened to me, and I’m guessing it’s extremely rare. It should still go without out saying that if your answer to this question is “yes,” you should immediately tell your boss or HR or someone else you can trust to help. You should never put work before your health.

Will helping out get you in trouble? I’d also like to think this one is rare, but if you’re afraid doing something will get you in trouble or fired, stand your ground. Insist that you talk to your boss, and if your boss is the one asking, insist on speaking to HR or a mentor as a gut check. I’d guess more often than not, it’s not worth losing your job over.

Will saying yes keep you late? Unfortunately, even if you’re answer to this is “yes,” you may need to suck it up and do it anyway. I’m not advocating staying until midnight, but if you have to be a few minutes later getting home to watch TV on your couch, you should stick around. Use your best judgment, of course. If my sister from Massachusetts was in Chicago for one night, I’d be likely to turn down extra work. If I just wanted to get home to do my laundry, I’d grab another cup of coffee.

Will your client work be pushed to the side? This may be one of those industry-specific things, but if your being asked to do something that would give something internal priority over work for a client, that’s not usually good. Make sure you’re asking your boss (or task assigner) whether they think this should really take priority over client projects. If they say yes or if the work is also for a client, then you may have to do it.

Will a new assignment affect other deadlines? Again, this doesn’t usually mean that you’re going to get out of it. But it’s important to be upfront and clear about deadlines you are trying to meet and working with your boss to decide what comes first and which deadlines may be more flexible.

Will one more thing push you over a time limit? If your company has a strict policy about overtime, be sure your following the rules when you accept new projects. If you’re only supposed to work 40 hours each week, and you’re getting close, be sure to alert your boss before accepting any new tasks. They should be able to help you make the call.

What other questions do you ask yourself? How do you decide when enough is enough?