Uncut Gems

Depression: The List

2011-10-15T13:35:00.001-07:00

Depression is a play list or collection of songs I put together on audio cassette several years ago to try to help me understand depression which I was going through at that time. I also found it helpful as a coping mechanism for dealing with my depression. I felt compelled to share the list with you through this blog.

Now before I go any further, I want you to understand that even though there are songs in this list that very specifically make reference to suicide, I do not condone nor in any way encourage any one to consider suicide. In fact if you are depressed and at a point in your pain where you may be thinking about suicide I suggest you visit this web page "Suicide: Read This First"

I broke the list into 2 parts, The Descent and The Depths.This list is by no means intended to be an accurate explanation of depression, but rather a way for me to explore some of what I may have been feeling through the music I love. And the list I share here will have some slight differences from my original list because I tried to include links to most of the songs on the list in one way or another, but I could not find all of the original songs or artists on line so some songs on the list do not have links and some are link to different artists than the ones in my list.

So, on with the list.
Depression, Part 1: The Descent
This is an attempt to understand what feelings or events may lead a person into feelings of depression.

Cellophane City by Steve Forbert
Hold On (To What You've Got by Ian Gomm
Baby Better Start Turnin' Em Down by Rosanne Cash
Angel In Blue by the J. Geils Band
True Confessions by Garland Jeffreys
Liar by 3 Dog Night
Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
Suicide by Richard T. Bear
No Easy Way Down by Nora Jones
Going Up's Easy, Coming Down's Hard by Bobby Bare
Carmelita by Linda Ronstadt
People Are Strange by the Doors
But I Might Die Tonight by Cat Stevens

Depression Part 2: The Depths
Here I tried to capture some of the feelings or thoughts you might have when you are really down deep in your depression.

Bartender Blues by George Jones
Death Of A Clown by the Kinks
River Of Wine by Free Beer
Little Glass of Wine by Jesse Winchester
I Hate Myself by Genya Ravan
There's No Way Out Of Here by David Gilmour
Jump, Jump, Jump by Rick Derringer
The Fall by A Flock Of Seagulls
Bridge Of Sighs by Robin Trower
Goodbye Cruel World by Pink Floyd
Elegie by Patti Smith

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Honoring those who dedicate there lives to helping the lost, the lonely, the people who are in so much pain that it is hard to see clearly what wonders my lie ahead in their lives.

Maybe You're Right

2011-09-24T07:38:00.001-07:00

Most days, I wake up from sleep with music in my head. Most of the time they are just fragments of a song, like maybe one verse or maybe just a chorus line. Sometimes they are familiar tunes, you know, like when a tune that you know gets stuck in you head and it drives you nuts till you can actually hear or it eventually fades away. Sometimes, as far as I know, they are unfamiliar tunes, maybe something I heard in the background somewhere but never really "heard" and memorized, or maybe they are something totally new, something of my own invention.

Most of the time they fade quickly away shortly after I wake up, I remember that there was a tune but I could not say what or tell you anything about them.

But sometimes one is persistent and sticks with me a little longer, like maybe there is something more to this, like maybe a message? This morning is one of those times and tunes. It was a simple tune and I am pretty sure it was just a fragment. I think it was in 4/4 time with just a drum beat for instrumentation. and the only lyrics were "maybe you're right" over and over again occasionally interspersed with "hope".

I don't know. Any thoughts or ideas?

2011-09-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

The Real You

“Hi, how are you? I'm great thanks, how about your self?” And so it goes meeting friends and sometimes strangers too. You show a certain level of confidence and calm; but deep down inside hidden in the dark places is a tangled ball of raw nerves and emotions embedded in a quivering mass of jelly. Here there is no confidence, no calm, just fear of exposure and maybe anger or envy or resentment or any number of other thoughts and feelings struggling to get out and maybe scream like Pink Floyd outside the wall.

This is what God wants to see, this is the real you. The you that everyone else sees and knows as you is just a facade like your “Facebook” page to the physical world, it puts on a good show but it is not who God wants to know. God wants to meet the quivering mass and tangled ball of nerves. He wants to get to know the real you, not so he can judge you but so he can help you untangle the nerves and emotions, and he wants to give some form, some substance to the mass of jelly. God wants to help you make some sense out of all that tangled up mess so you can really learn who the real you is.

God wants so badly to reach out and hold the real you in a loving hug and maybe gently say, “its okay my child, lets get those nerves untangled.” But God loves you so much that he will not force you to come out of hiding, He waits for you to come to him, like the old man waiting at the end of the road. It's your choice, but if you chose to not come to him, to recede even further into your dark places and turn instead to the same old comforts that never quite satisfy, The Father is saddened, maybe he sheds a tear and a little more blood stains the cross. But still waits, because he has the time, not just all the time in the world or the universe, no, God has all the time.

But if you reach out to God, if you come to his call, even if it's just a little bit, maybe just enough to say “Hey Pop, sup?” then God will be overjoyed, and he will bring out all his finest things to celebrate, because to God there is never to much or too little, its all the same to God.

Deep down inside, you know who the real you is. You know the mess of emotions you are experiencing and you know that God wants so badly to help relieve you of your emotional turmoil. But you have to decide of you want Gods loving touch and help or not. But no matter what path you chose to take, He is still waiting.

The Truth

2010-06-05T13:02:00.002-07:00

I chose to post this reply via my blog because the content is too large for posting in Facebook. Everything in this post is copy and pasted either from my Facebook status pertaining to this subject of this post or from E-Sword, I make no claim to being the author of any of this content other than the original Facebook status post and any comments I may have posted in the subsequent thread.

David Miller When I think about the current state of affairs around the world, I wonder if truth actually has any meaning to most of the world which then brings up the larger question of what exactly is truth?
Wednesday at 7:08pm Friends and Networks · Comment · LikeUnlike · View Feedback (8)Hide Feedback (8)
Cheryl Kilbourne Gregory likes this.
Luke Parker
Luke Parker
excellent status david.
Wednesday at 8:14pm ·
Hazel Blair Kyzar
Hazel Blair Kyzar
David, I think we can certainly agree that our God is truth and his Word is Truth! Right? None of this stuff going on around the world catches Him by surprise and I know He will work it out in His own time and his own Way. So I pray about it, give it all to God.
Wednesday at 8:37pm ·
Nancy Tordai
Nancy Tordai
Because they are not grounded in Christ, they are sinners and do not know truth.
Wednesday at 8:56pm ·
Tammy Aho Miller
Tammy Aho Miller
The truth, my dear, is Christ. And God wants us to teach the truth to all those people who have no idea what TRUTH is. That's one of the many reasons we are here!
Thursday at 7:38am ·
David Miller
David Miller
While I understand the concept of God being truth, I actually think that it is more accurate to say that God is the SOURCE of truth rather than being truth.
Thursday at 6:48pm ·
Hazel Blair Kyzar
Hazel Blair Kyzar
David, I think God IS truth. Yes, the source of Truth because HE IS GOD!
Thursday at 7:47pm ·
Jeanne Baerveldt Partida
Jeanne Baerveldt Partida
Jesus is the truth that sets us free (John 8:32) This doesn't mean we are free to do what we want but we are to follow God. As we seek to serve God, Jesus's truth allows us to be all that we are meant to be in God's eyes.
about an hour ago ·

Truth
TRUTH, n.

1. Conformity to fact or reality; exact accordance with that which is, or has been, or shall be. The truth of history constitutes its whole value. We rely on the truth of the scriptural prophecies.

My mouth shall speak truth. Prov 8.

Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word is truth. John 17.

2. True state of facts or things. The duty of a court of justice is to discover the truth. Witnesses are sworn to declare the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

3. Conformity of words to thoughts, which is called moral truth.

Shall truth fail to keep her word?

4. Veracity; purity from falsehood; practice of speaking truth; habitual disposition to speak truth; as when we say, a man is a man of truth.

5. Correct opinion.

6. Fidelity; constancy.

The thoughts of past pleasure and truth.

7. Honesty; virtue.

It must appear

That malice bears down truth.

8. Exactness; conformity to rule.

Plows, to go true, depend much on the truth of the iron work. [Not in use.]

9. Real fact of just principle; real state of things. There are innumerable truths with which we are not acquainted.

10. Sincerity.

God is a spirit, and they that worship him must worship in spirit and in truth. John 4.

11. The truth of God, is his veracity and faithfulness. Psa 71.

Or his revealed will.

I have walked in thy truth. Psa 26.

12. Jesus Christ is called the truth. John 14.

13. It is sometimes used by way of concession.

She said, truth, Lord; yet the dogs eat of the crums-- Mat 15.

That is, it is a truth; what you have said, I admit to be true.

In truth, in reality; in fact.

Of a truth, in reality; certainly.

To do truth, is to practice what God commands. John 3.

Joh 14:6

(BBE) Jesus said to him, I am the true and living way: no one comes to the Father but by me.

(GNB) Jesus answered him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one goes to the Father except by me.

(ISV) Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

(KJV+) JesusG2424 saithG3004 unto him,G846 IG1473 amG1510 theG3588 way,G3598 theG3588 truth,G225 andG2532 theG3588 life:G2222 no manG3762 comethG2064 untoG4314 theG3588 Father,G3962 butG1508 byG1223 me.G1700

Joh 8:32

(BBE) And you will have knowledge of what is true, and that will make you free.

(GNB) you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

(ISV) And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

(KJV+) AndG2532 ye shall knowG1097 theG3588 truth,G225 andG2532 theG3588 truthG225 shall make you free.G1659 G5209

Joh 8:32
ye shall: Joh_6:45, Joh_7:17, Joh_14:6, Joh_16:13; Psa_25:5, Psa_25:8-9; Pro_1:23, Pro_1:29, Pro_2:1-7, Pro_4:18; Son_1:7-8; Isa_2:3, Isa_30:21, Isa_35:8, Isa_54:13; Jer_6:16, Jer_31:33-34; Hos_6:3; Mal_4:2; Mat_11:29, Mat_13:11-12; 2Ti_3:7
and the: Joh_8:36, Joh_17:17; Psa_119:45; Isa_61:1; Rom_6:14-18, Rom_6:22, Rom_8:2, Rom_8:15; 2Co_3:17-18; Gal_5:13; 2Ti_2:25-26; Jam_1:25, Jam_2:12; 1Pe_2:16

Joh 14:6
I am: Joh_10:9; Isa_35:8-9; Mat_11:27; Act_4:12; Rom_5:2; Eph_2:18; Heb_7:25; Heb_9:8, Heb_10:19-22; 1Pe_1:21
the truth: Joh_1:14, Joh_1:17, Joh_8:32, Joh_15:1, Joh_18:37; Rom_15:8-9; 2Co_1:19-20; Col_2:9, Col_2:17; 1Jo_1:8, 1Jo_5:6, 1Jo_5:20; Rev_1:5, Rev_3:7, Rev_3:14, Rev_19:11
the life: Joh_14:19, Joh_1:4, Joh_5:21, Joh_5:25-29, Joh_6:33, Joh_6:51, Joh_6:57, Joh_6:68, Joh_8:51, Joh_10:28, Joh_11:25-26, Joh_17:2-3; Act_3:15; Rom_5:21; 1Co_15:45; Col_3:4; 1Jo_1:1-2, 1Jo_5:11-12; Rev_22:1, Rev_22:17
no: Joh_10:7, Joh_10:9; Act_4:12; Rom_15:16; 1Pe_2:4, 1Pe_3:18; 1Jo_2:23; 2Jo_1:9; Rev_5:8-9; Rev_7:9-17, Rev_13:7-8, Rev_20:15

2009-12-03T19:05:00.003-07:00

We all have problems. It doesn't matter who we are or where we are, what our station in life is, our race, gender, nationality, religious choice or any other way we can differentiate ourselves from each other. We feel pain or anger or are tempted to do something that we know is wrong or get angry or whatever; we have problems.

But sometimes our problems get more personal. We feel pain deeper, we are more lonely. Sometimes it seems like our temptations come at us faster, more frequently and with more power and are far more difficult to resist. Lust is closer to overwhelming us, and guilt and shame seem almost too much to bear. Our anger flares hotter and tears flow more freely and it is so easy to isolate ourselves. We feel so powerless and we feel so small and it just seems to keep coming and coming until there seems like there is nothing left to do but drop to our knees and shout "Oh, dear God! PLEASE! help."

WDJWMTD?

2009-06-28T19:29:00.004-07:00

OK so here's how this is going to go down. I am trying to make a point about how WWJD(what would Jesus do) misses the point of how we should behave or maybe think as Christians. What triggered this thought process was seeing a bumper sticker on a car that read WWDD (what would dumbledore do). I was even all set up to pull passages from the Holy Bible to support my case. But I just don't think that way, at least not in this phase of my life anyway.

So what is wrong with WWJD? the very wording makes several suggestions to me that I am uncomfortable with.

First and foremost is the implication that Jesus is not with us. What would Jesus do (if he were here). That seems to imply that Jesus is not here and we are alone and on our own to figure things out so here we are stuck without a clue as to what to do next. But my understanding of how I was taught is that Jesus is here with us now and he is always willing to help us if we just listen. This same implication also indicates to me that we are to assume a backwards looking mentality. After all if Jesus is not here with us now then all we can do is think in terms of what we should do relative to an ancient time and culture that for the most part has little to do with us now. Now that does not mean to say that we should not take cues from the Bible. The Bible makes many points about life that are still relevant today. But Jesus was pretty clear about living in the present and let the past go.

So my point in all of this is to not ask what would Jesus do, as if he left us alone in the past but think more in terms of the present, the here and now and our relationship with the living Jesus Christ who is with each and everyone of us right now, right here, where ever here and now might be for you my reader; and ask; What Does Jesus Want Me To Do?

A Thought

2009-06-14T21:15:00.001-07:00

As a general rule I try to avoid doing a whole lot of searching for signs or symbols or codes in the bible, but occasionally a thought strikes me that there may be more than the obvious in some places in the bible.

Most recently I was thinking about "The Seven Last Words of Christ", I have a copy on my IPod and I had listened to parts of it recently, and the thought struck me that maybe when Jesus spoke of his thirst he was not only speaking of the physical thirst which surely must have been as severe as any other pain he was suffering, but that maybe he could have been also alluding to being cut off from the water of life as an extension of his earlier question, "At three o'clock Jesus cried out with a loud voice, "Eloi, eloi, lema sabachthani?", which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
(Mar 15:34 ISV)(e-Sword)

2009-04-06T18:42:00.002-07:00

This video is well worth viewing, it gives a more clear picture of what global warming is all about.

Wake Up, Freak Out - then Get a Grip from Leo Murray on Vimeo.

More Excuses

2009-03-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am back again, drawn to the blank screen feeling a need to write. But what should I write about? A poem perhaps? No, a poet I am not or at least not a very good one. My written work still tends to be more prose, so sometimes I do write proetry. Maybe proetry is not a real word, yet it describes what I sometimes write and i have seen or experienced or maybe even felt the works of others that wasn't really poetry but at the same time not exactly prose either. Proetry is a sort of writing that contains more imagery then prose but without the rhythm or rhyme of poetry and sometimes it contains the feelings in both.

So anyway, here I am feeling compelled to write. I like to think that it is God who is calling me to write but I still don't feel much inspiration to write anything of any real substance. I suspect that part of the lack of inspiration and passion comes from my feelings of depression. For a long time now I have been in a deep place that is more than just an emotional sense of sadness or despair or depression. There is a physical sens to this depression as well, and that is really hard to explain. I don't want to say it is like a weight on my shoulders though I imagine that some others who experience this my feel that very way. I do feel closed in like there is a skin tight shell around me, This shell does not protect me from the physical world yet there is a physical sense like a garment in constant contact with my flesh and hair. I think that this shell does insulate me, to some undefined degree, from the social world around me. Sometimes the sense of the shell closes in so it feels like it is wrapping around my mind; at these times I find it easy to slip into a trans like dissociative state that tunes me out of what is going on around me. I am not completely tuned out nor in a total trans like state because I can come out of it instantly in times of need so I am not totally out of control and, to be honest, I am not sure if anyone has ever actually caught me or been aware of me being in a trans like state. But sometimes this state can be a nuisance, say for instance when I sit down to write post for this blog, then the shell begins to close in, my mind empties of thoughts that I may have had about writing and I sit staring at a blank screen not knowing what to write. To compound the matter, there is a certain sense of comfort when I am in this state, I am alone, my mind is more quiet than usual, there is almost a feeling of numbness not only emotionally but aches and pains seem to recede and become distant.

----------------
Now playing: Pink Floyd - Learning To Fly
via FoxyTunes

Getting Re-Started

2009-01-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

I think that if I want to continue blogging I need to just start writing. I have had such a long dry spell that it is almost as if I forgot how to write. That is not the case but anyway, I think that I will just start putting whatever I can down even if it does not make much sense. Heck in this day and age what does make sense anyway?

This evening I helped with Wednesday WRAP at my church.

---copied from FPCMesa webpage---

"Wednesday WRAP is an after-school program that runs from 4:30 until 7:30pm and includes Bible study, recreation, worship (bell and vocal choirs), service opportunities and dinner for children, youth and adults (3 years through 12 th grade). Registration is necessary for youth and children, and the cost for entire school year is $80 per student, most of which covers the cost of dinner (scholarships available). Registration forms available in the church office or at the WRAP registration table." ---end copied text---

It starts at 4:30pm and goes till 7:30pm and includes a low cost evening meal for $2.00 each. There are lots of activities for the kids as well as time set aside for Bible study and worship. The activities include games and crafts and even guitar lessons and rehearsals for some of the music ministry programs at my church I help by volunteering to help in any way I can which usually means cleaning up in the kitchen after dinner. I don't mind the clean up at all, after all it is still a needed part of the ministry. At the moment this is what God has called me to do as well as continuing to be involved in the sound and recording ministry. I control the audio recording part of the sound system in the sanctuary, the recordings are put onto CD,s for the sick and shut ins or whoever would like a copy of one of the services and the sermon is copied into a file of its own and posted on the church's webpage for anyone who is interested in listening to the sermon. The webpage posting got started as a response to a member of the congregation who served a mission in Iraq and wanted a way to keep in touch with what was going on in the church back home.

That is about all I can think of for now.
See you in the future!
David

2009-01-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

It has been too long since my last post. I will not belabor you with needless excuses. I simply apologize and now move on. So far it has been an "interesting" time these last few years of my life. I have been busy at times and at other times not really doing much of anything and at still others, while not busy, I have found myself distracted by many outside influences or forces. At any rate here I am again.

Habitat For Humanity

2008-02-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

Serving Lunch

2007-10-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

At one time I had promised a post on the concept of the sins of the fathers being visited upon the children. Doing some research these are some verses I found reference to this concept.

Exo 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
Deu 5:9 Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,
Exo 34:6 And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, long suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth,
Exo 34:7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.

What I found was something entirely different from what I was looking for. Clearly the above verses are talking about God's punishment being transferred from one generation to another even to the 3rd and 4th generations. That is kind of a scary thought and not the idea of God that us modern folk care to think to much about.

What I was looking for was more along the lines of the sins of a person being transferred from one generation to another. It does not take too much imagination to see that abuse is often carried from one generation to the next and in many cases it grows in severity.

But in either case there is hope and, of course, it comes from God's mercy. You see, I noticed in the King James version, the word visit was used when talking about God's punishment, and I can also reason that this same word can be used in the concept of the transferal of sins from one generation to another. When I see the word visit I think in terms of something temporary like, when you visit a friend or family member you have every intention of leaving when certain conditions are met or when you have accomplished what you came to do in your visit. I think this same concept can be applied biblically as well.

It has been said that God always provides for a way out of any given situation. In each of the biblical references God is talking about how if someone hates or fails to love God, He will visit punishment on not only the person who fails to love Him but also on the following generations. But remember I said that visit implies a temporary condition. Too often we think of God's punishment as a permanent condition.

So here is God's way out of this multi-generational punishment. If a subsequent generation repents of the sins that they have been carrying on from past generations, would it not make sense that God through his loving grace would remove the punishment from that and future generations?

Put another way, a person hates God, so God punishes that person and then his children and his children's children. But if one of his children or children's children comes to love God, would that not break the cycle of hatred started generations ago? and I can only believe that God would acknowledge that generation breaking the cycle and thus end his cycle of punishment in reciprocation.

I like to think that way back in the Old Testament when, God gave Moses the 10 commandments, he included a much overlooked covenant with us that Jesus Christ sealed with his blood on the cross.

Welcome

2007-09-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Uncut Gems.

This is the first post of this blog. This blog will consist mainly of my thoughts and dreams and comments about and links to people, places and things that have an impression on me. Most of my writing will be directly from my thoughts without much time spent on research or polishing of style or editing for spelling or grammatical errors, hence the title Uncut Gems. I believe some of my stuff could be of literary value to someone besides me if it were cleaned up some, but this is mostly for me and my family and friends. Browsers are welcome to read and post but understand that I am not an authority on most of what I say, it is just my opinion and I am not attempting to sell or push anything on anyone.

That being said, I would also like to point out that I am a Christian with Christian values, most of the time, but I have also had some very UN-Christian experiences in my past which I may at times refer to for exemplification. I am not proud of the things I have done in the past, but personal experience and history do have there place as lessons learned.

Finally, I have been in a dry spell for quite a long time when it comes to writing and I have lost some of my style so I will need some time to practice to get it back. I pray that God in the person of Jesus Christ will come back into my life and help me regain the inspiration I have lost over the past couple of years. Amen