Or the other thing that could happen if the chemicals get into your body is that you keel over dead.  Like a goldfish left at home alone during your family’s 10 day vacation to Disney World.  I’m talking all dead, not just mostly dead.  Yes, the dangers of non-stick cookware is that serious.  Now I don’t have any conclusive proof of this.  And I don’t personally know anybody that has gained super powers or has died from non-stick cookware, but I think that is due to a U.S. Government cover up.

So, with this in mind – there is a better way to cook meals without resorting to non-stick cookware or worrying about using regular (non-non-stick) cookware and risking the burned on mess that an unattended stew, chowder, or sauce can turn into.

The Pauli Cookware stock pot has a patent pending 7-layer bottom that alternates layers of stainless steel and aluminum around a sealed oil chamber creating a non-stick surface without any chemicals touching your food.  Even if both of your arms were broken from a freak letter opening accident and you were unable to stir your famous clam chowder, it wouldn’t burn.   Heck, it couldn’t burn even if your clam chowder decided it wanted to burn.  This pot is that crazy.

Here’s a touching testimonial from a satisfied Pauli Pot user…

I was cooking spaghetti sauce one night when I got an unexpected knock at the door.  It was the FBI.  To make a long story short, after doing 24 months of hard time at Sing Sing prison I came back home and my spaghetti  sauce was still simmering away…without burning.  Even after 2 years!  Amazing!  Thank you Pauli Pot!

Derrick “The Hammer” Johnson

$199.99 - Buy from Chef’s Catalog

Odd pairings sometimes work… and sometimes they don’t.  Case in point…  The other day while perusing the gourmet food section of my local World Market store, I found myself staring face to face with a Mo’s Bacon Bar by Vosges.  In a nutshell a Mo’s Bacon Bar is an apple wood smoked bacon and milk chocolate candy bar.

A few thoughts flashed through my mind as the bacon bar stared me down — should I run through the store like a little girl flailing my arms about, screaming that there are pig parts in a chocolate bar — or, should I man up and spend $7 on a chocolate bar… with pig parts in it… and is probably not kosher — and lastly, if a Canadian Goose could speak like a human, would it speak French or English?  I opted to not buy the Mo’s Bacon Bar, as $7 for a 3 ounce bar of chocolate is a bit spendy — but I am considering it.  I think I’ll continue to mull over the Canadian Goose issue for now.  Maybe it would be English with a French accent.

$7.50 - Buy from Vosges

Update: I’m sad to report, but due to the floundering economy, Spendy Fish Caviar Company is unable to sponsor Unfork at this time.  I’m still excited, though, as we have picked up a new sponsor: Top Ramen — the official food of the 2009 Recession.  We’ve canceled most of the celebrity guest bloggers.  You are pretty much stuck with me and a dishwasher named Juan-Carlos.  He works at a Chinese restaurant near my house and will be blogging about matching wines with the many flavors of Top Ramen.  The $50,000 kitchen renovation has been replaced by, well, I think I can scrounge together a wooden spoon, an egg slicer, and a bottle of Tums, the official heartburn reducer of the 2009 Recession.  I know you are as excited about the changes to Unfork as I am.  So, here’s to a grand 2009!

I honestly would have to say, I’m probably not man enough to cook a steak that costs well over $100.  Let alone having to cook two of them.  And that’s exactly what you’re in for if you are on the receiving end of the Peter Luger Ultimate Steak Gift Set.  I’m pretty sure I can foresee what would happen if Mr. or Ms. FedEx rang the doorbell and dropped this off at my house.  I’d put on the Peter Luger apron, fire up the grill, proceed to get light-headed and pass out, then slip into a deep coma only to wake up several years later to find out that my neighbor’s dog ate the steaks after I hit the ground.  Why couldn’t I live next door to Lassie?

$299 - Buy from Saks Fifth Avenue

Source: Uncrate

Sing Sing is where I got one of my favorite prison tattoos—Julia Child holding a raw turkey with wings outstretched—representing my longing for freedom.

Sure, the experience at Sing Sing sounds like a good time, but if you have a full time job or a phobia of jumpsuits, you might not want to do a 3 year sentence there.  You can still replicate prison life by spraying yourself in the face with pepper spray and eating off one of these reproduction Sing Sing Food Trays which, according to the manufacturer, is “food safe.”

Don’t forget to stab yourself in the arm with a Bic pen about a thousand times too—for the tattoo experience. If you’re going to replicate what prison life is like, you might as well go all out.

$12.99 – Buy at Sporks

Well, no kid of yours is going to just loaf around the house taking up space, so you have them mow and weed the lawn.  Now you can cancel the lawn service.  So, with the purchase of this $10 spring loaded spoon, you’ve saved the college and lawn care expenses.  Life is grand now.  Recession smeesession—or whatever the media is calling it–doesn’t affect you.

But thinking about this plan a little–your kid is probably going to eat 3 times their weight in food each day.  Always wanting to borrow the car, begging for money, blasting their music, and playing the Wii until 2am.  Isn’t this why you sent them off to college in the first place?  Maybe you should skip the Zing and send them a care package consisting of a bag of Cheetos, deodorant, and new underwear instead.  Perhaps this recession thing isn’t all that bad after all.

$9.99- Buy from Perpetual Kid

When we are finished with our beloved coffee and have to throw away our paper coffee cups, it’s like having to say goodbye to a dear friend.  “Goodbye my paper coffee cup friend.  I will miss you and the times we had together.  I’m sorry it has to end like this.  I will see some of your friends in about 39 minutes when I take my next coffee break.  I will tell them that you lived a great life, worked hard, and didn’t spill any coffee on my pants.  Thank you for being you.”

But what if you didn’t have to say goodbye?  The “I Am Not A Paper Cup” is a double-walled, thermal porcelain coffee cup with a silicon lid and the best part, you never throw it away.  Well, not on purpose anyway.  It looks like a paper coffee cup, but it’s so much more.  No more heart tugging goodbyes–this coffee cup relationship can last forever.

*81.6% of statistics are completely made up.

Buy from Amazon - $18.89

As I write this post, I dig deep for the perfect word to describe this 7-piece Shun Bob Kramer Knife Set from Sur La Table. I could use beautiful, breathtaking, gorgeous, fantastic, stunning, awesome, radical, far-out, or even pulchritudinous, but the word I choose is nifty.

Nifty is an underutilized word in 2008.  I hope to bring nifty back into vogue with this post about the niftiest knife set I’ve ever laid eyes on. Sure, it’s a little spendy and you could easily opt for the $39.95 “As Seen on TV” Miracle Blade knife set, but that would be a travesty of all that is good and pure in the cooking world.

Each knife is meticulously crafted by 150 expert artisans to achieve the precise heft, balance and shape of Bob Kramer’s original design. The 3mm steel blades are composed of an SG2 core (64-66HRC) clad with true pattern-welded nickel and stainless steel Damascus for beautiful, razor-sharp and lasting edges. Gently rounded and richly grained red and black Pakkawood handles are crafted in Bob’s signature contoured shape, and mirror the curve of the palm for a wonderfully natural hand-feel. This complete collection includes the knives essential to any kitchen: 8″ chef’s knife, 10″ bread knife, 7″ santoku knife, 4¾” utility knife, 3¼” paring knife, honing steel and easel-style bamboo wood block.

$1499.95 — Buy from Sur La Table or see all the Shun Bob Kramer knives HERE.

You may also be interested in the Shun Bob Kramer Bread knife featured on Unfork a while back.

$19.99 – Buy (haha) from Skymall

Anyway, on a recent trip to Baltimore my wife ordered fish and chips.  The fish was great and the fries were seasoned with none other than Old Bay.  I loved them.  As I bit into the fries I heard a choir of angels sing.  I jumped up on the table and sang the praises of Old Bay.  I even did a bit of a Saturday Night Fever dance too, until our waitress flung a side order of corn on the cob at me and knocked me off the table.  After I regained consciousness I found that the corn was seasoned with Old Bay as well, and because it hit the floor after hitting me—I got it for free.  That was a savings of $1.99.  Not a bad deal if you ask me.

Old Bay has a hint of heat and layers of flavor.  It’s a mix of celery salt, bay leaf, mustard seed, cloves, allspice, mace, cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, black and red pepper, and paprika.  It doesn’t get much better than that for a seasoning mix.  And it works on just about anything: seafood, poultry, meats, salads, popcorn, Snickers, peanut butter and jelly, etc.  Check out the testimonials and see how others are using Old Bay in their neck of the woods.  You might just start singing the praises of Old Bay, just like me.  Just be warned, waitresses in Baltimore frown on you dancing Saturday Night Fever style on their tables.  The video below is an accurate depiction of my dance, minus the corn incident.

$11 for the 2-cup and $15 for the 4-cup

Buy from Sur La Table

Sure, there’s plastic, rubber, or silicone–but the plastic and rubber can melt, turning your world famous macaroni and cheese into macaroni and cheese and globs of melted cooking utensil–and the silicone has about as much personality as a vacuum cleaner.  In my personal opinion, nothing feels better in the hand, looks better, and is as safe for your fine cookware as wood.

These Mediterranean Olive Wood Spatulas and Spoons, with such rich and colorful grain, pretty much blow every other wood utensil I’ve ever seen, completely out of the water.  Crafted in France.  5 piece set comes with 2 spatulas and 3 spoons.  Also sold individually.

$49.99 — Buy from Chef’s Catalog

Get the recipe from FineFuriousLife.com.

$24.99 from Solutions

Call me a freak, but get food poisoning a couple times in your life and you’ll be a hand washing convert.  I even hate touching the soap dispenser.  I always try to find that itty bitty spot on my hand that hasn’t been touched by the food I’m preparing, so I can push down on the dispenser to get my soap fix.  That can be a pain and usually ends up with soap missing my hand altogether.

The SimpleHuman Sensor Soap Pump makes hand washing a snap and reduces the chance of cross-contamination by automatically dispensing soap into your hand for touch-free operation.  After dispensing the soap, a 20 second timer kicks in so you know how long to wash your hands, ensuring they are bacteria free.  Made of polished stainless steel, black plastic, and acrylic.

*With the availability of the SimpleHuman Sensor Soap Pump, I have replaced food poisoning on my fear list with the fear of the planet Venus.

$40 from Sur La Table