As reported in the NY Daily News, Meth just got bagged with a bag (”He rolls down the window and the smoke would choke a horse”, apparently). This highlights several important points - the one-time star attraction of the WTC has fallen on such hard times that even guys like Carlton Fisk and Street Life have better things to do with their time than hold his trees, which leads me to believe that Johnny Blaze has been demoted to sack stasher status himself.

Clearly, John Blaze had picked-up an oz. of purple for someone who could actually afford it and still has a record deal (Raekwon would be my first guess) and decided to get high on Lex’s supply en route. The real tragedy here is the fact that not only has this one-time weed owner now failed as a weed carrier, but he was driving an effin’ 2005 Lincoln Navigator! Maybe if Rae had lent him the Range Sport things would have worked out better.

How many of you humps remember the Fab Five from the University of Michigan? They were going to be the best college team evar entil they ended up sucking in the NCAA tournament and then going pro as underclassmen. More than a decade after their splash on the sports scene not one of them has been to the championship of pro basketball.

Of all the talented players on that Michigan team the superstar was the 6′10 CHRIS WEBBER. He had a remarkable ability to dribble and pass the basketball which was usually found in smaller players and when he finished a play his dunks were ferocious and ground shaking. Unfortunately for CHRIS, his most memorable moment in college basketball was when he called a timeout during the Final Four and his team had none left. Absentmindedness is the hallmark of weed owners and as such they depend quite often that their carriers remain on point. JALEN ROSE wasn’t that day.

CHRIS was still an exceptional player and someone that you would chart high on the first round of the NBA draft. The question would be what team would select CHRIS and would they provide an atmosphere conducive to his love for holding the bud? CHRIS WEBBER was the #1 overall pick of the 1993 NBA draft and he was immediately traded by the Orlando Magic to the Golden State Warriors for ANFERNEE ‘Penny’ HARDAWAY. You see Orlando already had SHAQUILLE O’NEAL and they needed a weedcarrier for him. Since it was recognized that CHRIS WEBBER was a weed owner himself the Magic didn’t think they would fit on the same team together.

Golden State Warriors
Playing in San Francisco suited CHRIS early on. The team had several high level weed carriers available to CHRIS like BILLY OWENS, TIM HARDAWAY and LATRELL SPREWELL (who was working his way up to owning) and reserve player JUD BUECHLER had the connect for that killer white boy sticky icky.

Washington Bullets
When the weed in ‘Frisco started to taste like sherm CHRIS came to the east coast to play. He linked up with his favorite weedcarrier from college, JUWAN HOWARD. Too bad for them that the connects in Washington were dry and SCOTT SKILES was a balding hater. After the po-po pinched him for holding his own sack it was back to Cali bud again for CHRIS.

Sacremento Kings
At first it didn’t look like CHRIS was going to welcome his new digs in northern California until someone must have told him about all the readily available “medical” marijuana in Sacremento. They don’t call this place ‘Sack-Town’ for no good reason. CHRIS would enjoy his best years as an owner on the Kings. Serbian stoner VLADE DIVAC was all too happy to carry for CHRIS since he had carried for MAGIC during his years in L.A. Even though MIKE BIBBY and DOUG CHRISTIE were straight edge pricks, guys like CORLISS WILLIAMSON and BOBBY ‘Action’ JACKSON would help CHRIS light it up. But alas, eventually the joint burns down.

Philadelphia Sixers
CHRIS was brought to Philly to hopefully teach ALLEN IVERSON how to properly own but the truth is that CHRIS prefers the light green hydroponic while ALLEN is a bigger fan of the Midwest variety with the orange hairs. Go figure.

Detroit Pistons
Now Chris is back where it all started for him almost twenty years ago. He’s teamd up with another reckless owner in RASHEED WALLACE, but here in Detroit that have the best carriers around. RIP HAMILTON and CHAUNCEY BILLUPS are the All-Star carriers for these former top line players. Like the the greatest carriers evar in the game they do their jobs without spotlight or fanfare. I hope CHRIS WEBBER can climb to the mountaintop again with this ensemble of players and as long as Detroit saves at least one of their time outs they should be fine.

If there was anything that I gleaned from the ego trip (white) Rapper Show is that MC Serch can still bring fame to a bag holder without getting their ass kicked by Hammer’s goons.

I mean, what do you think the future holds for Shamrock or John Brown? They will be rap music footnotes as soon as the second season begins to air. Anybody remember Nikki ‘Hoopz’ Alexander? Exactly. The best chance for one of these rappers to keep his names on people’s lips will be for them to carry a bag and keep smiling. Busta Rhymes could use a new chauffeur so that’s something to think about also.

As A Salute To Weed Carrier’s NYC field correspondent I took the assignment of attending the (white) Rapper Show wrap up party in order to celebrate the arrival of celebrity bag holding with a bang (no Tony Yayo). The dude that carried Serch’s sacks the best would be awarded with something even more valauble than a recording contract. He was going home with $100,000 dollars. That’s a whole lot of ounces of that piffy piff and you know what I’m saying. The crowd that filled the club was lively and after the broadcast of the final episode of the television show we were all hyped up for the real show.

Persia, who was one of the most popular rappers on the show cleaned herself up and brought her bawdy ass Big Momma Cass routine to the stage. Her flow was competent and had improved somewhat since we last saw her on the show which was filmed some six months ago. I will admit that I found her attractive in a big girl kind of way. She had on some high heels that matched her belt and for a moment I considered bending her over backstage along with about three hundred or so of the other internets geeks that had climbed up from their mother’s basements to come to the show. The only thing that separated me from the geeks were the ten or twenty rounds of free Bacardi that threw back thanks to the crew from OnSmash and G.O.O.D. Records (yeah, them dudes).

John Brown, the runner up for the contest, was the show’s highlight but I was too tired and it was after midnight so I didn’t stay to watch him perform. Instead I caught the ego trip collective and MC Serch spit some freestyles for the crowd. Serch talked shit about people in the crowd and the clothes he had on. When he spit that shit about the Decepticons and his Timberlands the place went bananas. Well, at least one dude in there went bananas, but he was a big dude. Serch can do his freestyle thing. The ego trip collective… Not so much. Fun was still had by all. The (white) Rapper Show is a movement that you had better get in tuned with. Season 2 is on it’s way. Believe that!

The guests (in order of appearance):

Drag-On

After years of carrying trees and motorcycle helmets for the Ruff Ryders crew, plus whatever drug DMX was strung-out on in any given week, Drag-On now finds himself working at a Yonkers dry cleaners and greatly appreciated the $20 Nas paid him for his verse.

Dice Raw

Was this guy even on the last few Roots albums? Even if he was, he spends more time with Nouveau Riche, an indie rock/hip-hop car wreck that he started when his bag holding services were no longer required by ?uestlove.

Larry Larr

Carrying for Three Times Dope was a big deal once apon a time (plus da gawd EST got some shine on the 90’s remix), but since they disappeared from the public eye it’s safe to say that Da Wizzard of Odds hasn’t exactly been overwhelmed with job offers outside of doing birthdays at Chucky Cheese.

Bronx Style Bob

After the glory days of hanging with Ice-T’s Rhyme Syndicate, BSB went onto front some “postmodern soul” group called Khaleel which I have no intentions of hearing. Thankfully the lil’ homey Nas brought him back to spit some West Coast WC goodness.

One of the Rottin Razkals

Naughty By Nature sure had a lot of Weed Holders. Between Da Cruddy Click, Road Dawgs and these guys, Vinnie and Treach constantly had a full stash on call. Even though these kids dropped an album and did some shit with Zhane, I can’t name a single member. Actually I think they two main WC’s were called Diesel and Fam…plus with song titles like “A-Yo”, “Oh Yeah” and “Hey Alright”, you know these fellas were some deep thinkers. Imagine if Rakim had been a Jersey car thief and a small-time herb dealer and you get the picture.

The Wee Papa Girl Rappers

These fiesty Brits never actually carried weed for anyone, but they both let Professor Griff hit it which was a big deal in the UK considering how popular Public Enemy were in the 80s. Kelis obviously forced Nas to include them as the token broads.

Mike Zoot

Remember when Granola bar eating chumps were everywhere? This dude wishes we were still there, as 1996 saw him release a bunch of records with his Weed Owner Mos Def. A few years later he headed to Japan to make records since they can’t understand the lyrics anyway and seem to love random indy rappers that carried for Blackstarr. Nas spotted him working at a sneaker store and mistook him for someone else. By the time he realised his mistake, he’d already bought dude a Happy Meal so he let him rap on the remix anyway.

MC Skat Kat

What the fuck? Apparently duke dropped an LP called The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob after his popular Paula Abdul jump-off. Pity that ungrateful tramp didn’t repay the favor and appear on his record. Good thing Nas is for the children.

I’m not sure if this is the greatest thing to ever happen to the weed carrier movement (after this, of course), or it’s death knell?

Saturday Night Live “Weekend Update Clip” (go to the “Weekend Update…Really?” clip at the bottom). Hopefully this means that I can secure Ron Burgandy to host the Second Annual Weed Carrier Awards.

Thanks to Fitz (the Kool Herc of this whole shit) for spotting this.

2006 may come to be remembered by Hip-Hop fans as the year that the internets gave a voice to the movement. Terms like ’stan’ and ‘ether’ became active jargon within the Hip-Hop lexicon. To add to the list of additional and relevant terms was that of the ‘weed carrier’. Prior to 2006, W.C.’s were recognized only in select circles of online Hip-Hop journalism. The 2006 First Annual Weed Carrier Awards was a watershed moment for all music industry bag handlers. This is why it comes as bittersweet news that when W.C.’s finally receive some recognition it is partly because of the diminishing of their ranks. Violently.

One might suppose that the job description might contain some inherent pitfalls since cannabis possession is illegal in most cases throughout the world, but in 2006 we find that weed carriers have skipped pass the go to jail part of their resume and gone directly to the grave. These weren’t just any independent music label rapper’s weed carriers but some of the top W.C.’s in the W.C. game. These were the W.C.’s to the stars and so their passing left marked voids in their respected Weed Owners’ entourages. Let’s recap some of the big W.C. losses:

W.C.: Israel Rodriguez
W.O.: Busta Rhymes

Israel Rodriguez was hired by Busta Rhymes to carry his weed and protect his jewelry. We can only hope that he received Weed Carrier union compensation for doing work outside of his title which included receiving gunshots meant for his Weed Owner. At a Black history month music video shoot (literally) in February, Mr. Rodriguez, was shot by a yet unnamed assailant in what may have been a re-enactment of Cooley High. Busta Rhymes reportedly now wears a medallion in honor of his longtime friend and W.C.

W.C.: Proof
W.O.: Eminem

Detroit city was already acknowledged as one of the more gullier urban precincts in the United States and the killing if Eminem’s number one bag holder just adds to that perception. The details are still sketchy, but as we have been told it was in a local Detroit night spot that Proof would be harassed for money by an out of work bodyguard-bouncer-weed carrier. When the harassment turned violent Proof was the only one to die. Because Weed Carriers are much more accessible to the public than Weed Owners you can see a lot of aggression turned towards the W.C. that is usually meant for the W.O. Soon after this development Eminem would divorce/fire his wife/Wig Brusher, but that is a different story for another website.

W.C.: Philant Johnson
W.O.: T.I .

Cincinnati, which has long toiled in the shadows of Cleveland and Columbus as the Buckeye states most gulliest jig ‘burg just increased it’s national profile with the shooting death of Clifford “T.I.” Harris’ weed manager. Mr. Johnson was more than just a carrier since he also supervised a small group of carriers like Young Joc and Young Dro. Mr. Johnson’s responsibilities increased as his owner moved from being an Atlanta based rap phenom to an Atlanta based matinee idol. Similar to Proof it seems that as the Weed Owners’ profile increased so did the amount of weed and it’s availability. It was reported that at an after party for a snap rap concert Mr. Johnson was one of the people ‘making it rain’ in the audience. Making it rain is the act of throwing wads of cash into the air. This act seems to be most incendiary in crowds that have an acute value for the purchase power of said cash money. Cincinnati obviously didn’t take well to the gesture.

W.C.: William B. Posey
W.O.: Terry ‘Tank’ Johnson.

Even the sports world had weed carrying issues. In an effort to make weed carrying headlines before the year ended, Tank Johnson’s live-in bodyguard was given felony drug charges after a police raid on Tank’s home in suburban Chicago. After Tank posted bail for his W.C. the two went to a party at a northside Chicago nightclub. Once there Tank would find himself in an altercation with a local gang member. Mr. Posey entered the fracas and received a few gunshots for his troubles. Unlike fellow Weed Owner Busta Rhymes, W.O. Tank Johnson is using his memory to Mr. Posey’s family some justice and closure.

All weed carrying news wasn’t as dire as the four stories just mentioned. Thankfully, all the weed carriers for mainstream rap acts weren’t killed in 2006. Some just had the shit tasered out of them by the police. A weed carrier that lives to see another day lives to carry another bag.

2007 is looking good already for continuing the great tradition of weed carrying exploits. The Dip Set is moving at lightspeed to keep the bag handlers in the news, from Freaky Zekey’s release from prison to Max B’s incarceration for possible murder. A whole new generation of carriers is stepping up to the plate. If 2006 was any indication then weed carrying is here to stay. So act like you know and pass the dutchie ‘pon the left hand side.

It’s one thing to be the a well-known weed holder such as Spliff Star of Memphis Bleek - having people chuckle at the fact that you’ll never really be able to attain weed owner status or ever become a star in your own right - but at least these guys are known. Spare a thought for the bag holders of artists who aren’t getting their videos in heavy rotation - can anybody name all the members of Inspectah Deck’s House Gang? Or Raekwon’s Ice Water Inc? Even hardcore Wu-Tang Stans are scratching their heads.

As a responsible Weed Owner, it’s essential that you look after your holders. Do you see Ghostface getting charged with drug possession? Fuck no! Tony Starks looks after his weed carriers - it’s as simple as that. Not only did he name his squad on the back of the Theodore Unit 718 LP - he gave everyone their own baseball card! Thanks to the bosses’ generousity, guys like Solomon Childs can now get laid for less than a grand, and Shawn Wiggs hasn’t been jumped for his Theodore Unit letterman jacket in months. Meanwhile, Deck’s weed baggers are still getting refused entry into the V.I.P. section while Cappadonna is popping bottles with models!

The only solution for these unknown baggage handlers is to either hire a PR firm to get their name out there or join Theodore Unit.

More Weed Carriers slacking-off:

LAFAYETTE, Louisiana (AP) — Willie Nelson and four others were issued misdemeanor citations for possession of narcotic mushrooms and marijuana after a traffic stop Monday morning on a Louisiana highway, state police said.

The citations were issued after a commercial vehicle inspection of the country music star’s tour bus, state police said in a news release.

“When the door was opened and the trooper began to speak to the driver, he smelled the strong odor of marijuana,” the news release said.

A search of the bus produced 11/2 pounds of marijuana and 0.2 pounds of narcotic mushrooms, according to state police.

A call to Nelson’s publicist wasn’t immediately returned.

Also cited were Tony Sizemore, 59, of St. Cloud, Florida; Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas; Gates Moore, 54, of Austin, Texas; and David Anderson, 50, of Dallas, Texas.

Each was released after being issued a citation.

The oldest of member of his “band” (aka Weed Carriers with instruments) is his sister, Bobbie, who’s still puffin’ up a storm at 75 years old. Maybe it’s time to recruit a younger..err…”band” to take care of the stash Will. 75 year old stoners aren’t the best peoplke to be handling your ‘dro, family or not.

I’m guessing there might be a job opening in a minute:

MTV sez: Rapper Lil Wayne was arrested Monday in Atlanta on charges of possession of less than 1 ounce of marijuana and possession of a controlled substance, according to a copy of his arrest report obtained by MTV.

The 23-year-old MC (real name:Dwayne Michael Carter) was released from Georgia’s Fulton County Jail on $11,000 bond following his arrest. Police claim the rapper was in possession of several unlabeled bottles — one containing 60 pills of Alprazolama, a generic form of Xanax that is used to treat anxiety disorders and panic attacks; another containing 59 hydrocodone pills — along with “two small burnt joints of marijuana,” the report read.

According to Carter’s arrest report, the rapper was staying at the Twelve Hotel in Atlanta’s Atlantic Station when a hotel employee entered Carter’s room to inspect a problem with the room’s security systems. The employee said he noticed a gallon-size bag of what he believed to be marijuana; he also told police he smelled a “heavy odor of marijuana.” The hotel’s manager was summoned to the room and also claimed he smelled marijuana. Carter told both men to vacate his room, shut the door and fastened the security latch. Police were called shortly thereafter.

Officers entered Carter’s room and began to search it; the arrest report said the rapper gave his consent for them to enter. Inside a small duffel bag, police found the prescription pills. The marijuana joints were uncovered in the room’s garbage can, and a small amount of marijuana was discovered in the room’s refrigerator. According to the report, a gallon-size bag of marijuana was not recovered.

A second man, Derrick Lawrence, 37, was also charged with possession of less than 1 ounce of marijuana. The arrest report claims Lawrence was in Carter’s room at the time, but his relationship to the rapper is unclear. The report also lists both men as being under the influence of drugs at the time of the arrests.

A few things worth noting here:

1. 37 is kinda old to be carrying weed, especially when your weed owner is in his twenties.

2. The fact that Derrick managed to dispose of the “gallon-size” bag of boom is a postive, although the fact that he over-looked the roach’s in the trash and the weed in the fridge reveals how sloppy he was.

3. Don’t get high on your Weed Owners supply!

4. The primary role of a good weed holder is to take the fall for your boss, not to get arested with him!

UPDATE! I just noticed this at UPI:

Lil’ Wayne was scheduled to begin a tour with Dem Franchize Boyz on Thursday in Cincinnati.

There seems to be a connection.

Not only is New York falling behind in terms of sales, but those Southern folks are streets ahead in the arrest stakes as well.

Nobodys Smiling reported this a few months back:

Atlanta police say they found drugs, cash, weapons and pornography during a recording studio raid on Tuesday, where an unnamed member of Dem Franchise Boyz was arrested.

Eight people were taken in custody when police raided Making Money studios in Atlanta – including an unnamed member of rap group Dem Franchize Boys, and 28-year old Anthony Blalock, CEO of Making Big Moves Records.

Police say they confiscated over 11 pounds of marijuana, $150,000 in cash, two handguns, and a stack of pornography.

The bust happened after police received a tip that drugs were being sold at the facility, and thanks to surveillance cameras they were able to see suspects trying to get rid of substantial evidence.

“They were in the bathroom and they were trying to flush a lot of the drugs down the toilet,” Atlanta Police Officer Richard Light said. “They just had too much and couldn’t flush it all down.”

Two minor children who were at the studio during the raid were also taken into custody, but were later released to their mother.

Dem Franchize Boyz are known best for their catchy snap-heavy songs “Lean With It, Rock With It,” “I Think They Like Me,” and “White Tee.

So I assume the “two minor children” were in charge of the smut? It sounds like their weed holders forget the second golden rule of holding: “Don’t Shit Where You Eat”.