As we prepare for the Third (Sorta) Annual Weed Carrier Awards, it seems appropriate to open up the nominations so that no weed carrier champions are accidentally excluded. Please help us in honoring these loyal side kicks who dream of one day rising to the rank of Weed Owner like Jay-Z or Kanye West.

Nominate for any and all of the categories below:

1. Greatest Weed Owner In The Game Today
2. Current MVP Weed Carrier
3. New Broad On The Block Award
4. NBA’s Greatest Weed Holder
5. NFL’s Greatest Weed Holder
6. Worst Weed Owner Of All Time
7. Essential Weed Holder Musicians
8. Best Animated Weed Carrier
9. TV’s Best Weed Carrier
10. Cinema’s Best Weed Carrier
11. Best Weed Holder in Comics
12. Video Games Greatest Weed Carrier
13. Next Great Weed Owner
14. Most Useless Weed Carrier
15. Weed Carrier Hall of Fame Nomination

According to this highly scientific breakdown, as a ‘drug holder/blunt roller’ for an arena-level musical touring group, you can expect to clock $500 per week, plus the obvious benefits of a whole lotta weed and limitless hero sandwiches. It’s almost puts a tear in my eye to see the humble role of cheeba stasher finally getting the mainstream respect is so sorely deserves.

Billboard Recognizes Weed Carrying As An Official Occupation

As amusing as it was to hear Combat Jack and Premium Pete ask Consequence how he felt about being named as the Greatest Weed Carrier of All-Time on this site, he seems to be a little confused about how it actually works. Carrying another man’s weed can be an internship if you go on to become a weed owner yourself. Good examples of this are Del The Funky Homosapian, we went from holding for his cousin Ice Cube to assembling his Heiroglyphics weed holding army. Similarly, Jay-Z held bags for Big Daddy Kane for a while before he built his Roc-A-Fella baggage handler network.

In his own words, Cons confirms his weed carrier status:

‘I’ve been involved in such big moments prolly except my own. I’ve been a part of the championship teams.’

That is by definition what a weed carrier does. No shame in that. He then continues:

‘How can I be a weed carrier when my cousin gave me a record deal?’

Nepotism and cronyism are the foundations of the Weed Carrier – it’s all about putting your boys on until they can carry their own weight. He then defends his ability as a rapper, which has never been questioned. While some weed carriers are sub-par rappers, many of them aren’t. The late Big L carried for Lord Finesse when he first started out, and that hardly hurt his verbal abilities, did it?

‘I ain’t carry anybody’s weed!’

Actually carrying large quantities of smoke is not an official requirement to being a good sidekick. As Pete then points out, while paying dues with a crew, you may be called upon to get coffee or tea for the more senior members.

‘How am I a weed carrier on a record with twelve thousand spins on radio? My first shot?’

Being featured on a song by your cousin’s group means that you have once again met the most basic of weed holding criteria, just as Q-Tip held weed for the Jungle Brothers on ‘Black Is Black.’

‘Robbie’s an idiot.’

An idiot, or the guy who’s held up a mirror to some of your finest achievements throughout your career?

‘When someone devalues my twenty years by calling me a weed carrier? Put your money up right now!’

Once again, Consequence has been a part of two influential rap dynasties over two different generations. Who else can claim that honor?

‘”He’s like a mushroom on World 8 in Mario.” Nah, duke – I’m the Dragon! Don’t get it fucked up. I’m Koopa, nigga.’

Does he mean King Koopa, the giant turtle?

The whole point of this being, Consequence should embrace his GOAT Weed Carrier status and use it as a stepping stone to embark on the next stage of his career where he finally morphs into a Weed Owner and can begin to assemble a squad of weed holders to do bodega runs and whatnot.

Here’s the highlight reel where you can make your own decision…

The weed carrier is no myth, as proven by this on point presentation from Cris Carter and Warren Sapp. While the NFL attempted to distance themselves from this position, it’s pretty clear that such a denial is only for legal purposes. Thanks to WC OG Fitz for passing this important development on.

In a troll-tastic post listing the “Top 25 Worst Rappers of All-Time”, GQ magazine listed “weed carriers” at #17. Clearly fans of the site, it’s unfortunate that they missed the subtle nuances involved here by declaring that all weed holders can’t rap. Considering that virtually every MC ever to touch a microphone handled another man’s baggage at some point in his career, this is clearly wrong. Nevertheless, any mention of weed carrying in the mainstream media is always appreciated…

GQ Magazine: Top 25 Worst Rappers of All-Time

The results are in for the long-awaited 2013 Weed Carrier Awards, and there have been a few upsets as far as the staff here are concerned. Nevertheless, the people have spoken in the most important democratic process that will occur this year, and most likely your lifetime. Internets, here are the winners of the 2013 Weed Carrier Awards.

Greatest Weed Owner In The Game Today

Winner: Birdman aka Baby (24%)

Don’t front, Baby has got this game on smash. Not only does his Cash Money empire included everyone from Limp Bizkit to Busta Rhymes, he also has the entire YMCMB carrying weed for him, which in itself is easily the most complex Weed Holding Network currently operating in the music industry. For example, Weezy carries for Birdman, while Nikki Minaj carries for Wayne but also has her own smoke stashers, who are then third-tier weed holders for Baby by default. Mind boggling.

Runner-Up: Rick Ross (19%)

Since he currently lacks any white girls or 14 year old dudes in his weed holding unit, Rawse actually scored higher than he deserves, although Rockie Fresh certainly helps for that white rock connection.

Current MVP Weed Carrier

Winner: French Montana (47%)

No contest as the new WC MVP and contender for Weed Carrier GOAT status French Montana obliterated the comp without even breaking a sweat. Holding bags for Akon, Diddy and Rick Ross at the same time is not easy, and possibly explains why this guy doesn’t have time to write any raps of any real value. Not content with carrying for three others, French has also found time to own his own weed and recruit baggage handlers of his own. Considering that the world has forgotten about his album already, that’s going to be important in the coming months.

Runner-Up: Gudda Gudda (10%)

Playing a loyal Memphis Bleek to Lil’ Wayne’s Jay-Z, Gudda has been a loyal sidekick since day dot. There doesn’t appear to be any threat of him actually releasing a solo album any time this decade, so he’s free to keep up the hard work of keeping Weezy’s cup full and skateboard wheels clean at all times, in addition to some bonus groupies for those times that Wayne has yet another “seizure”.

New Broad On The Block Award

Winner: Nikki Minaj (30%)

Great to see the Black Barbie narrowly take this one out in a close-fought contest. Now that she has her own weed carriers (as part of her still-unnamed imprint) she can finally spread the burden of stashing for Baby and Wayne and get back to the important stuff like shopping for wigs and Love Boat hats.

Runner-Up: Iggy Azelia (29%)

Australia’s finest export since Foster’s beer faithfully served T.I. as a stasher of numerous hazardous materials before going for delf, as well as a period where she kept nuts in her mouth like a squirrel for A$AP Rocky. based on her current YouTube views for “Work”, she’ll be announcing her own “label” and “artist roster” within a matter of months.

NBA’s Greatest Weed Holders

Winner: Scotty Pippen (42%)

Another flawless victory for Jordan’s faithful second banana.

Runner-Up: J.R. Smith [Carmelo Anthony] (17%)

Despite Newsday claiming that “Even under the best of circumstances, Smith is not at the level of most championship-caliber sidekicks”, the votes don’t lie. J.R. holds sacks with the best of ’em.

Worst Weed Owner Of All Time

Winner: Diddy (28%)

The cases of Ma$e, Black Rob and Shyne all being left in the lurch at some point by this guy are all rather unfortunate, and the less said about his shoddy treatment of Craig Mack and G-Dep, the better.

Runner-Up:T.I. (19%)

T.I. got the game all twisted when he let his wife, Tiny, carry a bunch of drugs in the car and then get pulled over. Plus he “Let Iggy Down”.

Our Pick: Ice Cube should have won this, on the grounds that he left just about all of his former weed carriers for dead at first opportunity. Da Lench Mob, Kam, K.Dee…the list is endless.

Weed Holder Musicians

Winner: Destiny’s Child [Beyonce] (21%)

Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams were the lucky ones. Spare a thought for the casualties of war: LaTavia Roberson, LeToya Luckett, Farrah Franklin, Támar Davis, Nikki and Nina Taylor.

Runner-Up:Ringo Starr [The Beatles] (16%)

The voice of Thomas The Tank Engine stays winning, except for this time.

Greatest Cartoon Weed Carrier

Winner: Millhouse [The Simpsons] (20%)

Bart’s faithful dork sidekick will forever be holding the stash for Homer’s little man, and thankful for the opportunity.

Runner-Up: Barney Rubble [The Flintstones] (16%)

As the Ed Norton to Flintsone’s Ralph Kramden, this Honeymooner’s rip-off proved to be a faithful smoke stasher for the forever ungrateful Fred, but had the last laugh on account pf his wife being hotter than Wilma.

TV’s Greatest Weed Carrier

Winner: Turtle [Entourage] (35%)

Considering that Entourage was basically the unofficial weed carrier TV series, it’s only right that Turtle took the crown for classic moves such as convincing a dame to sleep with him in exchange for a pair of Vince’s jeans.

Runner-Up: George Costanza [Seinfeld] (19%)

In reality, George would lose your weed in the first five minutes if you ever let him hold it, or sell it to a stranger for a quick buck, but in the world of situation comedy, he proved to be a classic sidekick.

Greatest Movie Weed Carrier

Winner: Chewbacca [Star Wars] (20%)

Nothing beats a Wookie when you need someone to hold you down in deep space. Paws.

Runner-Up: Manny “Manolo” Ribera [Scarface] (18%)

A perfect example of why you should never eff with you’re man’s sister. Manny had a good run for a guy of limited brain power, but didn’t stand a chance against the power of that enormous pile of yayo that Tony was diving into on the regular.

Comic Book Weed Holders

Winner: Robin [Batman] (51%)

Talk about a no-brainer. Folks have been casting doubt as the the motivation of a grown man in tights recruiting a teenager in tights to run around at night with, but who better to hold your weed than a kid who will just do a couple of months in juvy and get a slap on the wrist if he gets bagged?

Runner-Up: Jughead [Archie] (11%)

Described as “lazy, obsessed with food, and generally uninterested in girls”, it’s safe to say that Jughead is the OG stoner. Not really a great quality in a weed holder but I guess Archie didn’t have a lot of options.

Next Great Weed Owner

Winner: Kendrick Lamar (39%)

Kendrick seems to changing the rules, in that Black Hippy aren’t technically signed to his own label as is traditionally the case and aren’t really holding his weed. I’m sure he’ll have his own “imprint” soon enough though.

Runner-Up: Drake (24%)

Drake seems content to be holding for Wayne for all intents and purposes,

Greatest Former Weed Holder

Winner: Memphis Bleek (30%)

Forever immortalized for his bodega run in the Fade To Black documentary, Memphis Bleek’s services are no longer required by Jay-Z in this day and age, but his loyal services will never be forgotten.

Runner-Up: Consequence (22%)

How the mighty have fallen. From G.O.A.T. W.C. to runner-up status. Pour a little liquor out.

This is huge. Following our in-depth Weed Carrier Report on Lil’ Wayne’s YMCMB crew, it seems that he has finally taken the plunge and followed in the footsteps of the legendary Eazy-E by recruiting the Holy Grail of Weed Carriers – a white chick. While Eazy had Tarrie B on deck, who was basically a poor man’s rapping Madonna who I suspect was somehow responsible for Eric catching the bug, Paris offers the advantage of having her own cash flow and the option to pass off any pot to her chauffeur if she get’s pinched.

I clearly underestimated Lil’ Tunechi, who has demonstrated that despite appearing to be a walking advertisment against excessive lean use, has amassed a collection of teenage bud bringers who are essentially above the law anyway. Now that he’s got a filthy rich cracker socialite skank on board, there is literally no stopping the kid. At this point, the only way he could possibly top this is by “signing” Dakota Fanning’s younger sister, Elle, who is white as porcelain, under-age and female – the Holy Trinity of Weed Carrying. Seriously, how’s a cop going to look frisking a fifteen year old white gal in public? That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen!

In the meantime, despite the fact that Paris’ seemingly countless arrests for coke and weed exempt her from any possible career as a celebrity weed holder, she actually provides the perfect decoy with her high public profile and willingness to make a spectacle of herself in public, allowing Weezy’s legions of teenage baggage handlers ample opportunity to escape detection. The only downside is that she’ll have to release an album at some point, but I’m sure that if some Euro-trash super DJ is given a yacht he can throw her some decent trance beats to mumble over.

Seven years after the 1st Annual Weed Carrier Awards in 2006, we’re back with all new categories that prove that the art of weed carrying is deeper than rap. A lot has changed since the first awards – the Holy Trinity of Weed Carriers (Consequence, Memphis Bleek and Spliff Star) have all effectively ended their reigns as MVP WC’s. New crews have emerged, new Weed Owners have risen to power and a whole new generation of young tree transporters are out on these streets, doing bodega runs, picking up crates of codine and cleaning out bongs.

Weed carrying, of course, is a time-honored tradition that dates back to the beginning of recorded history, so it’s only right the 2nd Annual Weed Carrier Awards recognize the finest smoke stashers in the fields of sports (the NBA), comic books, television, film and animation. Now is your chance to make your voice heard and honor the fine work of these hard-working chronic carriers in the world’s only official Weed Carrier Awards. Go in!

A handful of weed carriers have mastered the art of multi-tasking. Here are three examples:

Red Cafe

Originally a member of a group called Da Franchise, who had a deal with Violator Records that went nowhere, Red Cafe then embarked on a staggering run of fruitless record labels deals which quickly evolved into a string of weed carrying positions of epic proportions. He signed to Arista in 2003 with only a couple of singles released to show for it, before he was recruited to carry chronic for LA rapper Mack 10 and was rewarded with a deal on Hoo-Bangin’ Records/Capitol in 2005. Only a year later he began stashing for Akon, which saw him join the Konvict Muzik/Universal roster in 2006 before the imprint shifted to Interscope in 2007, although this was a mere technicality since he still failed to drop an official album. In desperation, he made ‘The Co-Op’ mixtape with DJ Envy and was able to get it issued via KOCH Records, who literally put out anything with beats and rhymes on it, regardless of the quality.

Fast forward to 2013, and Red Cafe is apparently “signed to Konvict Muzik, Bad Boy Records and Ciroc Entertainment and the Desert Storm label”, which effectively means he is committed to handling the baggage of Akon, Diddy and DJ Clue. No wonder he doesn’t have time to drop an album! His debut LP, ‘ShakeDown’, is listed as having a 2013 release date but I’ll believe it when I see it since he’s managed to avoid doing so for the past ten years.

Hanz On aka Hannibal The Great

This versatile handler dropped his first album, ‘Out Of Chef’s Kitchen’, on Ice Water Inc. in 2010 as a reward for years of loyal service holding trees for Shallah Raekwon. Also handy as goon, Hanz On famously put his “hanz” on Joe Budden backstage at Rock The Bells in 2009 and left with a black eye. In 2012 he moved on from handling baggage for Raekwon (at least in an official capacity) and started his own label, but the title of his new album – ‘Method Man Presents: Hannibal The Great’ – reveals that he continues to maintain his sour stashing activities for the Wu.

He told SILive: “Iâ€ve never been a good criminal — thatâ€s what my aunt always used to say. Right now Iâ€m trying to gain stability for me and my family. I put a lot into this album, so Iâ€m going to work it hard. I ainâ€t looking to get rich. Iâ€m not looking for big mansions, big cars. I just need stability”. Sounds like a man who was born to carry weed.

French Montana

After serving a stint holding smoke for Akon, French Montana was simultaneously recruited by both Diddy and Rick Ross to carry trees, while still having enough of that sour left over to get Chinx Drugz and the rest of the unfortunately-named Coke Boys to stash for him. Unlike Consequence, French seems to have no problem holding that loud for a number of parties at once, which apparently doesn’t leave him much time to do “anything lyrical”, as he recently admitted.

Not everyone enjoys the glory of being recognized for their hard work in the field of tree transporting. Word on these internets streets is that Purple City member Shiest Bubz has taken offence at having his crew labeled as the “lowliest weed-carriers” and “third-tier baggage handlers” in this week’s 25 Greatest Harlem Rap Songs list over at Complex. The moral of the story? Never use the term “lowliest” in connection to weed holders. Just because they carry smoke doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings!