The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks

Podcast interview on Butter No Parsnips

2024-05-06T11:24:00.003-05:00

A few months ago I had the delightful experience of a recorded conversation with Kyle and Emily from the language podcast Butter No Parsnips. It was initially a bonus episode for their patreon feed, but it has been UNLOCKED for everyone today! Want to hear about the internet of the Y2K era and more about quotation marks and what people think they are for? Well have I got the episode for you.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7CJorRulu3TwFiRZ0w4uKP

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/.../patreon.../id1641358361...

Lots of layers of emotions going on in this one

2020-03-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

We made it to Friday! In my house, this means my 3 year old will be singing a classic Rebecca Black jam that I mostly don't regret exposing her to.

This picture from Fred seems a bit on the nose, but if you want to tell people you're a bar for sad alcoholics who am I to stand in your way.

Tom sent me this label from a guitar that was, it seems, inspired by a John Lennon impersonator

Now that I understand how these customer service surveys work, I can report having been "highly satisfied" when I was in fact neutral on the regular. Thanks Emily

John sent me this next one. I guess bird feeders only have the illusion of choice. Now I'm imagining a person talking for their bird feeder ventriloquist-style. "I like that brand, please."

The last one here is from sidabrine. This reminds me of when my kid plays with her hatchimals by exclaiming in a high-pitched voice "whee whee we're having so much fun!" while flying them around.

I have to say, it feels good to be making these posts again. Like riding a bike. Hope you're enjoying them too.

A very tricky green button and more

2020-03-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, it's Thursday!

Sarah sent me this one, which has me all in my feelings about the illusion of privacy. "Thank You"

This next one is from Mike and has me wondering exactly what kind of "service" they are offering.

Stacey sent me this one. Look for the "green button" that isn't a green button. Probably not the one with all the arrows? Am I overthinking this? One button always tells the truth and the other one always lies?

Charles sent me this one about some "important" bureaucratic business that requires your "attention"

Hang in there, folks.

Existential squash questions and more

2020-03-25T07:52:00.000-05:00

First picture for today is this one from Brooks. There's some kind of a winking situation going on, but I don't know who it is for. Maybe you can actually get away with a $51 purchase?

Next one is from Todd. I mean, if you really think about it, what even are food categories anyway. All signs are arbitrary.

Steve sent me this next one. I guess they wanted to say terrible stinks but decided it wasn't sufficiently polite and went with "odors."

If you have any imitation gas stoves around, Julian spotted a company in Cleveland that will buy them from you.

That's it for today. Be well.

The Safety Zone

2020-03-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

It's Tuesday, apparently. What even are days anymore? Anyway, here's some toilet seat cover packaging that I think is telling me to flush myself down the toilet? But not seriously, which is a relief. Thanks for sending it Matt.

Nathan sent me this truck which seems to be a bit of a tease.

Riley sent me this one. If they mean it about pretend Peru, I'm wondering if I can do it while social distancing. Just saying.

This one's from Nikki. I guess these dogs are faking it?

That's it for today. You matter. Take care of yourself.

New Quotation Marks for Monday

2020-03-23T08:43:00.000-05:00

Ok another day another post with a few mystifying quotation marks. The first one was sent by Drew. Not sure how to "let them know" but I know one thing, the manager is not the one who will be taking care of it.

This one is even more of a blast from the past than most, it was taken in Las Vegas in 1980. I mean, if you can have a simulated steak house, I feel like Vegas is the place it would be. Thanks for sending it Brian!

Angela sent this next one. I guess you can learn to knit the painful way.

Last one for today from Aimee. I don't know if they're asking you to steal from them or what, but I suggest either buying or not buying, and not any of this in-between business.

Hope you are all doing what you can to keep everyone in your community safe.

Ok, we're back. Short term.

2020-03-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, absolutely no promises about the long term, but I feel like people wouldn't mind something silly to look at. Remember when the internet was mostly ridiculous stuff instead of terrible news that makes me feel despondent? Here's some pictures of signs with a questionable use of quotation marks. People emailed them to me in 2014. Let's go!

A store offering marginally stale flowers, sent by Marianne:

Some folks who really don't want you to touch anything but they are not that committed to being polite about it, sent by ruetenik:

Probably offering food, but whether it qualifies as cuisine is up for debate, sent by Astrid:

Kristel sent me this one. I'm really flummoxed by the idea of a t-shirt that is not a t-shirt:

Looking for more? I've got an archive of literally thousands. Maybe I'll do a couple more in the coming days and weeks. You can also still get my book as an ebook.

Everybody please do your part to stop the spread of Covid-19. Stay home; wash your hands; be kind to others (from a distance). Pressure your government to get appropriate PPE and testing to the medical professionals. Stay safe and healthy!

A new thing

2017-08-15T14:22:00.003-05:00

I started a new thing where I relay my husband's strong opinions about consumer products. It's called Justin's Opinions.
So far there are posts about coffee-making, baby transporting, and miscellaneous kitchen items. It's meant to be entertaining but also a place to look for people considering a purchase or thinking about how to make better coffee or what to put on a baby registry. Maybe you'll be interested?
Thanks again for the years of reading about quotation marks!

Thanks Everybody

2016-09-05T13:06:00.003-05:00

(thanks to Jared for the above image)

I guess I need to come to terms with the reality that I no longer update this blog. This has happened for a few reasons: 1) I took on more responsibility and got busier in other parts of my life, including my (ahem) "real" job and more volunteer responsibility at my church. 2) the value of ads-per-traffic seems to be dropping and has for some time, as well as traffic to single-serve blogs like this one, meaning the ad revenue was no longer a compelling reason to keep it up. Partly because of changes in the web and advertising market, partly because of the prevalence of ad blockers.

I am now realizing that my life looks like it will get busier in the future (the same stuff plus adding a baby humorist to our family at the end of the year!), and blogs are not getting more popular, so it seems wise to acknowledge that maintaining this blog will stay a very low priority for me. I still have plenty of photos in my email, so I suppose if I change my mind I can always post more.

Anyway, I didn't want to let the whole thing fully die without saying thank you to all the people who were regular visitors, regular commenters, and regular submitters over the past decade+. Doing this blog (and the book that came out of it) was a fun and weird journey, and I am grateful it was part of my life, even if my life is different now. You can still find me on twitter, where I mostly do not tweet about grammar or punctuation.

Thanks. Seriously. Thanks.

"tu amigo"

2015-10-28T19:42:00.002-05:00

Submitter Jeroen explains,"The photo was taken in Cusco, Peru during local election time. Aparently Mr. Santiago wants to become mayor and (then will) also be 'your friend'."

Book Recommendation: Heaven's Forgotten

2015-10-12T15:11:00.001-05:00

I promise I will get back to the funny punctuation pics soon, but I wanted to congratulate my friend Branden Johnson on the publication of his first novel, Heaven's Forgotten today. I've read part of it already and I can tell you that the writing is compelling and fast-paced and the characters are intriguing. If you're looking for a good work of speculative fiction, I recommend it.

"Store cool"

2015-09-27T17:45:00.002-05:00

I assume this is some kind of spy code? Thanks Emma.

"Escape Rope"

2015-09-24T07:21:00.000-05:00

This rope is clearly decorative. Thanks Joel.

"New" Cheeses

2015-09-23T19:18:00.001-05:00

I mean, I guess they are still, like, fermented? Maybe not, maybe it's just a pool of milk. Thanks Jake.

"The Attorney"

2015-09-12T19:47:00.002-05:00

So wait, is "the attorney" his fight name, or is he actually an attorney? Thanks Andy.

"sugar"

2015-09-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

I found the nutra-sweet, guys. Thanks Melissa.

"non-alcoholic"

2015-09-10T20:37:00.002-05:00

I don't know if you should encourage people to trick their friends like this. Thanks Ben.

"Authentic"

2015-09-06T14:43:00.000-05:00

Maybe these folks are pointing out that our notion of authenticity itself is culturally constructed? Thanks Rick.

"book holiday party now"

2015-09-05T18:24:00.000-05:00

This sounds like my kind of holiday, but maybe the quotation marks mean the opposite of that? Thanks Kathleen.

free-esque

2015-09-05T14:10:00.000-05:00

I guess there's no such thing as a free pisco tasting. Thanks Justin.

"do not" "use" "elevator"

2015-09-05T09:08:00.000-05:00

This is all part of a complicated code, clearly. Thanks Matt.

"No" dogs

2015-09-04T20:39:00.004-05:00

Does this mean, like, metaphorical dogs? Like somebody's ex-boyfriend? Thanks wavking.

"Quiet" Please

2015-09-01T21:16:00.000-05:00

I assume this means they want you miming blasting a trumpet right outside, right? Thanks Jennifer.

"Hot dogs"

2015-09-01T09:13:00.000-05:00

Actually.... it's cool cats.
Thanks Kimberly.

"Mario's"

2015-08-31T21:10:00.003-05:00

I mean, obviously you need to use an assumed name to do inspections. Duh. Thanks Michelle.