Episode Outline:

Host: Aaron Smith (Marriage After God)

Guest: Richard Kannwischer, senior pastor of Peachtree Presbyterian Church and author of Cultivate: How God Grows the Fruit of the Spirit Within Us, joined by his wife Kelly

Focus:

Why the fruit of the Spirit is one fruit, not nine to pick and choose from, and the daily practice that trains real joy into a marriage

Introduction

Aaron opens with the question that frames the whole conversation: you’re always being cultivated by something, so who’s holding the shovel? Richard and Kelly introduce themselves, how they met in graduate school at Princeton, and 27 years of marriage and ministry together, including Wonderfully Made Ministry, the day program Kelly leads for adults with intellectual disabilities.

Key Themes

One fruit, not nine

• Why “fruits of the Spirit” is a common misread of Galatians 5 — it’s singular, one fruit, not a basket to pick and choose from.
• What that means for growth: you don’t get to opt out of gentleness or patience because they’re not “your thing.”

Holy instead of happy

• The question that reframes marriage: what if it was designed to make us holy, not happy?
• Why this doesn’t dismiss happiness, but changes what a hard season is for.

Tricks vs. training

• The difference between performing the Christian life and actually being formed by it — and how that shows up in marriage.

Training real joy

• The one-month Psalms practice Richard learned from Dallas Willard: reading Psalm 145-150 daily on repeat.
• Why this builds joy that holds up regardless of circumstances, not joy that depends on them.

Gentleness in the age of outrage

• Why gentleness is the fruit Richard feels most convicted about right now.
• The “rage of the age” and what it’s quietly training all of us, including our kids, toward.
• What it looks like to grow in patience the way God has been patient with us.

Key Takeaways

• The fruit of the Spirit is one fruit — growth isn’t selective.
• Marriage is meant to make you holy, not just happy.
• Knowing the right moves isn’t the same as being trained. Formation takes repetition.
• Real joy is trained, often through small daily practices, not just felt in good circumstances.
• Gentleness is worth examining right now, in a culture that’s training us toward outrage.

Notable Quotes (from Richard)

• “Let’s get the clarification on the plural. It’s the fruit of the spirit. It’s one fruit.”
• “Your dog knows tricks, but your dog isn’t trained.”
• “What if marriage was designed to make us holy instead of happy?”

Resources Mentioned

• Cultivate: How God Grows the Fruit of the Spirit Within Us by Richard Kannwischer
• richardkannwischer.com — free study guide PDF
• wonderfullymadecommunity.org — Wonderfully Made Ministry
• Marriage After God devotionals and resources

Next Steps

• Ask which fruit of the Spirit you’ve been quietly opting out of, and why.
• Try the one-month Psalms practice: read Psalm 145-150 daily and notice what happens to your joy.
• Notice where you’re running on tricks instead of training in your walk with God or your marriage.
• Talk with your spouse about where gentleness has been missing from your hardest conversations lately.

Episode Summary

Week 29 of the Marriage After God devotional series

Topic:

The victory believers have in Christ and what it means to walk unveiled — fully known, no longer hiding — before God and your spouse

A conversation about how the finished work of the cross makes vulnerability possible, and how that vulnerability strengthens marriage

Rooted in Scripture

• Ephesians 2:14–18 — Christ breaks down the dividing wall and makes peace
• Romans 8:1–4 — no condemnation; the righteous requirement of the law fulfilled in us
• Matthew 27:50–51 — the temple veil torn in two
• Galatians 5:16–17 — walking by the Spirit versus the flesh
• 1 Corinthians 10:13 — God provides a way of escape from temptation
• Proverbs 24:16 — the righteous falls seven times and rises again
• Romans 6:6 — our old self crucified, no longer enslaved to sin
• 2 Corinthians 3:16–18 — unveiled faces, being transformed into His image

Christ Defeated Sin and Death

• Because of the cross, believers are set free from the law and the power of sin and death
• We are called victors and conquerors — not because of our own striving, but because of Christ’s finished work
• This identity can be hard to feel or receive, especially in the middle of daily failure and struggle
• Our position with God is settled by what Christ did, even when it doesn’t feel that way in the moment

Victory Begins at the Cross

• The torn temple veil pictures our new access to God — no more separation, no more distance
• Only one person could once enter the Holy of Holies, and only after atoning for his own sin first; Jesus atoned once for all
• Because of Christ, we get the same standing before God that He has — we’re made heirs with Him
• This access isn’t just relational with God — it reshapes how we relate to each other, including in marriage

The Role of Vulnerability

• You cannot walk in victory while you’re still hiding or enslaved to sin
• Being unveiled means bringing your whole self — sin, insecurity, needs, fears — into the light
• Vulnerability requires initiation from both spouses, not waiting for the other person to go first
• When one spouse shares honestly, encouragement and healing tend to follow

What Being Unveiled Looks Like

Before God

• Prayer and honest confession, even when it feels heavy or inconvenient
• Refusing to wait for the “right time” to bring something into the light

With Your Spouse

• Sharing sin, struggles, insecurities, and needs openly
• Taking turns being the encourager when the other feels exposed

In Everyday Life

• Walking in the Spirit rather than reacting from the flesh — in parenting, conflict, and fatigue
• Choosing to forgive quickly and extend the benefit of the doubt when hurt

Common Barriers to Being Unveiled

• Shame and fear of the other person’s response
• Believing the lie that you’re still enslaved to old patterns despite the gospel
• Waiting for a “perfect moment” instead of setting time aside
• Busyness and excuses that delay honest conversation

Practical Ways to Walk in Victory

• Set aside dedicated time to be honest with God and your spouse, rather than waiting for it to happen naturally
• Take thoughts captive and submit them to God in prayer
• Practice getting back up quickly after failure instead of hiding in shame
• Look for the “way of escape” God provides in moments of temptation
• Respond to your spouse’s vulnerability with encouragement, not correction

Practical Takeaways for Couples

• Victory is a position you already have in Christ, not something you have to earn
• Unveiling isn’t a one-time event — it’s a daily practice of believing what’s already true
• A couple walking in vulnerability and victory becomes a testimony to others
• Your walk with the Lord directly shapes the health of your marriage

Call to Action

• Memorize 2 Corinthians 3:16–18 and Romans 6:6 this week
• Pray and ask God for the courage to be unveiled
• Consider using the Husband After God and Wife After God devotionals alongside this series

Reflection Questions

• What things keep you from being unveiled — with God, and with your spouse?
• What is one step you can take this week to be unveiled with God and your spouse?
• Where have you been giving excuses instead of setting aside time for honesty?

Episode Outline: 

Host:

Aaron Smith (Marriage After God)

Guest:

Leann Murphy, author of Becoming a Husband and Becoming a Wife (Focus on the Family)

Focus:

How a covenant with God carries a marriage through infidelity, hardship, and 38 years — and the letters Leann wrote her sons that became two published books

Introduction

Aaron opens around the rarity and value of hearing from couples who have gone the distance. Leann introduces herself, her husband Mike, their two married sons, three grandsons, and the property on an oxbow of the Red River in Louisiana that God gave them in the same season Mike was healed of cancer.

Key Themes

A covenant with God, not just a vow to each other

• Why Leann believes she and Mike are still married: their commitment was to God, not just each other.
• When happiness drives a marriage, the marriage is already at risk.
• The couple’s decision to stay at year fifteen — against most of the counsel they received.

Surviving infidelity and finding forgiveness

• The closet moment: God meeting Leann with the words “Would you betray me with a kiss?” — and what that unlocked.
• Forgiveness comes before repentance, before reconciliation, before knowing if the marriage will survive.
• The distinction between forgiveness (one person) and reconciliation (two people).
• How Leann’s settled forgiveness helped remove the shame that was threatening to undo Mike.

The letters that became two books

• Leann’s near-panic at her son’s engagement: have we actually prepared him for this?
• Twenty-one letters, bound at Staples, handed to her son a month before his wedding.
• How the books came to include Leann and Mike’s real story — and why they had to tell their sons before it went to print.
• The first message to her sons: your allegiance has to shift — you are now the head of your own home.
• Genesis 2:24 as the foundation: God established this before there were any fathers or mothers to leave.
• The difference between cutting the authority structure and cutting the relationship.

Fighting for your spouse, not against them

• Mike’s admission, after eighteen years, that he thought something was fundamentally wrong every time they fought.
• The shift: stop fighting each other, start fighting for each other.

Key Takeaways

• A covenant with God holds when everything else fails.
• Forgiveness is not contingent on the other person. It comes first.
• The apron strings have to be cut — not the relationship, the authority structure.
• Conflict is not a sign something is wrong. The goal is to fight for your spouse, not against them.
• The story God wrote in your hardest season is meant to be shared.

Notable Quotes (from Leann)

• “The reason Mike and I are here at 38 years and still glad to be married is because our covenant was with God.”
• “Forgiveness — that syllable for — it happens before. You’re giving it. It’s not being earned, it’s not being bought.”
• “I don’t care where you are or how deep or how dark it is, God can bring you out of that.”

Resources Mentioned

• Becoming a Husband: 21 Days of Preparation for a Son of God 
• Becoming a Wife: 21 Days of Preparation for a Daughter of God 
• Marriage After God devotionals and resources

Next Steps

• If you’re carrying unforgiveness, ask God whether you’re holding something He already forgave on the cross.
• Talk with your spouse about where allegiances still need to shift — are there apron strings quietly pulling on your marriage?
• Consider writing your kids letters about what you’ve learned. One lesson. One hard season. One prayer.
• If you’re in a dark season, read Psalm 18.