Brewers at CUBS, over 9. The NL Central is just a freaking parking lot right now. There’s a case to be made for the balanced schedule in baseball and just abolishing divisions altogether.

Braves at NATIONALS, over 9.5. Standard operating procedure here with America’s Team.

REDS +1.5 over Cardinals. The Reds pulled out a WTF 10-inning win over the Diamondbacks yesterday, leaving 16 men on base. Today, they’ll get some of those runs in.

ROUGHRIDERS over Lions. CFL or no, I’m still bent that I can’t bet the under on WNBA games anymore.

Tomorrow: Serena over Venus. Always bet on the woman that pretends to design her own clothes.

1. The Greatest Michael Jackson Tribute Ever comes from the CFL. Toronto’s Arland Bruce is officially the greatest living showman in North America. Thanks, Outside The Boxscore.

2. The First Documented Bee Delay. Now we know why the media’s been avoiding San Diego (video here).

3. Stale apple pie. Remember when they were supposed to be the next big thing? Now, one has a show on CBS, one’s a silicone train wreck, one plays poker all day, and the other one is still named “Mena Suvari.”

4. Squinty Ufford on TV. No, he’s not Asian. He’s fighting for our country in the middle of a GD sandstorm. SHOW SOME RESPECT, MAGGOT!

5. Sexy Friday on KSK. More girls in American flag bikinis.

6. Joanna Krupa. Maybe she and her sister could meet you in the kitchen and make you a sandwich.

7. Italian swimmers with trap-door swimsuits. If they’re letting it all hang out now, what do they do after midnight?

8. The travails of Deadspin. Here’s the latest; maybe you care. I don’t. It’s a three-day weekend, people. Save the drama for your mamas.

9. Trick shots that aren’t really trick shots. There’s something about watching a kid wander around the gym at the Y shooting halfcourt shots that makes me feel good about myself.

10. Bacon. Bacon didn’t do it!

Some site news for you: We’ll do our weekly power rankings and weekend picks tomorrow morning, and that will be it for the holiday. Until then, enjoy this video from The Superficial of Bar Refaeli squirming around in Ufford’s bed. He wishes. It’s SFW, but you’ll have to confirm that you’re over 18. Or lie. God, whoever thought of that needs to die. (thanks, Crista)

If we don’t see you tomorrow, have a great weekend.

God’s Quarterback (sorry, Kitna) just co-wrote a new book with his wife called First Things First: The Rules of Being a Warner, and it sounds like Rule No. 1 is the same as it is in every family: Father Gets Hosed. From NBC New York (via Tunison):

As the book unfolds, it becomes clear the the QB struggles at home: Warner had to offer one of his sons a quarter for every completed pass so that he’d agree to a game of catch in the backyard. He can’t even get them to agree to come to watch him play in the Super Bowl. Two skipped the game in February, and there was a good bit of tooth pulling involved to get the other five to show up for the game. What’s watching your dad play in a Super Bowl next to a Nintendo DS?

What a great family.

“Hey Dad, how was work?”
“We won the Super Bowl on a last-second play against Tennessee! It’s the greatest day I ever could have hoped for!”
“That’s nice. Can I have the car this weekend?”

Kids these days.

Camel Clutch Blog brings us the MMA debut of former Playboy “model” LaTasha Marzolla, dreads and all. But she’s not just another pretty face; she fought as a kickboxer and briefly trained in WWE, which isn’t quite the picnic that it sounds like. Oh, and she trains with Gina Carano. Hey, LaTasha, after you finish trading haymakers with Christy Tada, will you ask Gina why she’s not returning my calls?

Yeah, it’s funny until you realize that Garrison spent most of her life battling an eating disorder to deal with the death of her mother, who died when she was 19. Great, now I feel like a dick. Again. From the Telegraph, which is based in Atlanta, I think:

Garrison traces her problems back to her inability to cope with the death of her mother when she was 19. She continued to be affected by the disorder after her retirement from the women’s tour in 1996 and became so depressed that she took an overdose in 1999.

In a recent interview she said: “I am still a lot heavier than I want to be and I still get down sometimes, but I’ve decided that I am what I am.”

Seriously, I could do the before-and-after shots like this one using images of me and half of you would swear that you were looking at two different people. I guess what I’m saying is that railing on overweight people is fine if you do it on a website using a pseudonym when most people already know who you are anyway. It’s like my grandpa always said, “People in glass houses don’t have any attic space.” But since he’s dead now, I don’t think that applies anymore.

Oh, and Andy Roddick got to the semis in Wimbledon. Way to not screw it up this time, jerky.

Uncrate found another way for you to piss away that $14,900 that’s been burning a hole in your pocket. It’s the Man Wall, which has four TVs, two cigar humidors, a kegerator, and…well, look at the damn picture. It’s basically a shrine to sitting on your ass. Wait a second, you mean I have to walk up to the TV to get myself a beer What kind of hotel is this?

Features include:

• 52″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTV
• 2 – 26″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTVs
• 1200 watt Panasonic 5.1 Home Theater System
• DVD player with 5-CD changer
• iPod docking station
• 2 – Wireless surround sound speakers
• Live 7-foot sports ticker with built-in computer
• 1 year free service for sport’s ticker
• Full-size built-in beer refrigerated beer keg with tap
• 1000 watt microwave oven
• 2 cigar humidors (holds 25 cigars each) complete with gauges
• 32-bottle wine rack

Price: $14,900 plus shipping

I’m glad it has two humidors, because I have such a hard time keeping all my cigars in just one. So… can you put weed in a humidor? Does that help it at all? Not that I care…uh, I’m just asking for a friend.

Andre Davis the Giant Aggasi Smith seemed like one of those players that, when the Bengals drafted him with their first round pick in April, would turn out to be a really good player or a total waste of human life. Early returns do not look promising, after claiming to have driven to Bloomington, Indiana for a high school linemen camp that was happening in Bloomington, Illinois. Wonder what GPS language setting he was using? From Ray Melick’s blog:

As many of us from this part of the country would do, when he heard “Bloomington” he assumed “Bloomington, Indiana,” home of the University of Indiana. So that’s where he says he went.

Smith was due at the camp on Monday morning, June 22. He arrived about 4:30 Tuesday afternoon. The camp ended on Wednesday.

So he was only about 30 hours late…what’s the big deal? They should be grateful that he even bothered showing up at all. And I’m sure the young people at that camp had a great time picking the porous brain of one of football’s great minds. I almost went with “Mr. Smith Goes To Bloomington” for the hed, but my punctuation fetish won out in the end–it (usually) does!

I don’t really know where one draws the line at obsessive sports fandom (that’s why America have a legal system, after all), but I’m pretty sure that it falls somewhere around collecting things that have been in your favorite player’s mouth. And sure, Olympic gold medals are an obvious exception to that rule. But this guy…I’m just wondering if he coordinates all of those jerseys with pants, or if he just mixes and matches. I bet he has a system for it, and yells at his mom whenever she tries to interfere. Parents just don’t understand.

|The Hoop Doctors|

Saint Andrew’s Net is With Leather’s daily link heap. It went on Maury Povich and was revealed to not be the father, and so it did a little dance.

• This should happen to anyone that breaks into somebody else’s home
  |Sports Rubbish|
• Some people don’t like the Bengals’ helmet design. These people need to stop acting like anybody cares what they think
  |Who Dey Revolution|
• A photo essay of cats playing video games, esse. They’re losers that never get any love. Just like you
  |Unreality Mag|
• If you’re embedding Youtube videos on your site, it’s time you learned about this
  |Apture|
• I guess those supermodels in the 1990s were pretty hot. You know, for having more than 4 percent body fat, anyway
  |Ice Ice Babies|

Send tips and submissions to WithLeather-Tips@Uproxx.com.All the cool kids are doing it.